Текст книги "Finn Beckett"

Автор книги: M. J. Fields

сообщить о нарушении

Текущая страница: 12 (всего у книги 15 страниц)

“Send me those pics,” I yell over my shoulder.

***

I spend the day looking forward to tomorrow, something I haven’t done in a very long time.

When my phone rings, I realize I have spent the entire day thinking of her, yet not calling her at all.

“Yaya,” I answer. “I’ve been thinking about you all damn day.”

“You’ve been on my mind, too.” She sounds happy.

“Maybe you can send me a picture of—”

“You need to get to Minnesota Music Café. Now.”

“Because?”

“Because I heard you guys didn’t have an act yet.”

“What else did you hear?” I ask, hoping she isn’t pissed and thinks I broke a promise.

“I hear that we are friends.” She still sounds happy. “Good friends.”

“It was never my intention to—”

“I’m okay if you are. Finn, there is a cab waiting outside the hotel. I found a band. You have to go now.”

“I’m really not—”

“Stockton Records is there. They tweeted out the band and something about hoping to close a deal.”

“Stockton fucking Records—”

“I know. I know they screwed you, and I don’t like anyone screwing you. Go get your revenge.”

“I’m about peace and love.” I laugh as I grab a sweater and shove my feet in my boots.

“You out the door yet?” She laughs.

“Going now.”

“Don’t just get them to play. Convince them to stay.”

“Stay?”

“Yes. They are good, Finn. So good. And I promise they will be good for you and Forever Four.”

“Better than us?” I ask as I hit the down arrow on the elevator.

“No one is better than you.”

The tone and sound of her voice drive me crazy.

“You’re making me hard.”

“Save it for Cleveland,” she says with a smile in her voice.

“Definitely.” I walk on the elevator. “What’s the band’s name, Yaya?”

“Inappropriate Thoughts.”

I laugh and so does she.

“You see the cab yet?” she asks.

I walk to the door. “Yeah.”

“Have fun tonight and don’t take no for an answer.”

“You remember you gave me that advice.”

“I will.”

I climb in the cab. “Minnesota Music Café please,” I tell the driver.

She laughs. “Talk soon.”

“Count on it.”

I hang up the phone, holding it close to my chest and looking around the room that is now my office but was once my childhood bedroom. Finn Beckett is the light in the darkness I am surrounded by. Finn and Noah.

Noah is doing fine, better than fine. He is healthy and happy and perfect. It has been three amazing days, three days with him and I together. Mother and son.

The first night was hard being here alone. I spent it with a knife and a bat with Noah and I locked in my bedroom. I made sure he didn’t notice, but he did snuggle much more securely to me that night. He’s so intuitive.

He’s asked me where Margie is, and I told him “getting better.” He said he is glad because she gets sick like that a lot when I’m gone. He also asked me to stay, and in that moment, I said I would.

The next night, I worked while he slept in my room. When I was done scheduling my posts and putting up reviews, I started investigating the household account situation, and I found out we a have a second mortgage on the house.

It was taken out the day I left and was apparently taken out by … me. Two hundred thousand dollars. Therefore, now a house that I owned free and clear almost five years ago, I owe almost half a million dollars on. It is worth more than that, much more, but that isn’t the point.

It sent me into an almost panic attack. Then Finn messaged me, and I felt okay, happy, even in the darkness of my findings.

The next day, Noah’s fever broke, and he slept for three and a half hours. I spent that time going through everything worth anything in the house and putting it all on eBay. I priced it all as buy now.

Ten thousand dollars’ worth of designer bags, wallets, coats, and clothing went in three days. Tomorrow, Noah and I will leave here for the first time to ship them out.

I took half the money and put it on the principal of the loan and then paid two months on the first and second mortgage. The security in knowing we have a roof over our head makes breathing easier until I remember I have to get fuel oil delivered. Heating a house this size is incredibly expensive, and the security of money in the bank is now gone.

Tomorrow, after I ship out the items I sold, I’m going to take Noah to the hospital’s rehab center to confront Margie. Then, in the next day or two, I’m going to have to tell Finn everything.

I sit at the computer, going through lists of people requesting VIP passes to the Cleveland shows. I have sent four so far. None were requested, but I hope it will make Finn happy. Two tickets went to Sally and Robert White and two to Finn’s father, Arthur Beckett.

***

Two days later, I wake up to Noah kissing my nose. “Morning, Momma.”

I smile and open my eyes. “Good morning, Noah.”

“Are we going back to the hos-pit-al again?”

“No, honey. Today, I thought you and I could color, watch a movie, and cook. Does that sound fun?”

He smiles and nods.

“Do you remember Mrs. White?”

He shakes his head.

“Well, she used to come and see us when you finally got to come home from the hospital. She sends birthday cards—”

“And Christmas. The baby and the camel and the—”

“Little people nativity set?”

He nods and smiles. “They were my best friends.”

“Yes.” I laugh because he played with them until well into July every year I brought them out. “They were.”

“Now I have friends at school, Mommy.” He looks at me and his little brows work into a straight line, like he’s trying to figure something out.

“What is it, Noah?”

“Mommy, who are your friends?”

“You are my favorite, but I have a couple.”

“Will I meet them?”

I nod, feeling like I may cry. For four years, I have felt like I was protecting him from the threat of his father, the threat of germs that may make his sick, the threat of the outside world. Only now do I realize it was more for me—my fears.

I am becoming stronger. I stood up against my own fears when I received a message from Stevie Daniels offering me an opportunity to have a career. I stepped out of the darkness when I realized I wanted more for me, more for Noah. I am no longer my own worst enemy. I am my own champion. Mine and his.

My strength is a threat to a oppressor other than me. My strength became a threat to Margie’s financial security and that of her children. As angry as I was at her, I realized last night that we are alike in the sense that she only wants the best for her family. After yesterday, it became clear I am not part of it. I am the person she blames for her own empire crumbling, the one my mother’s business not only supported, but apparently supplied.

Margie and her significant other, Willie James, owned several rental properties in New Mexico where they lived with my five cousins. All were foreclosed on for lack of payment. The rent wasn’t paying for them, because no one truly rented them. They were all offices and brothels for their drugs and prostitution business. She’s told me I owe her, and I have no idea what I am going to do when she leaves the twenty-one day treatment center.

Noah’s and my day goes as planned. When he is playing on the computer next to me while I am working, someone buzzes the front gate—a delivery man, Jeb. I know him; he delivers products for review all the time, so I buzz him in.

When I open the front door, he is holding a large, flat, cardboard box. “Says this is for you.” He smiles, and I take the three-by-two-foot box.

“Thanks, Jeb.” I smile back. “Wait right here.”

I go in and grab the box of girls’ toys that I reviewed and bring them to him. “For your girls.”

“You’re a doll, Sonya. They thank you, I’m sure.”

“They are welcome. See you later.” I close the door and lock it then stand at the window, waiting for him to leave so I can arm the alarm system again.

When he is out, I walk in the kitchen and use the shears to open the package. I pull out the frame and turn it around, then cover my mouth and smile so big it hurts my face when I see the picture of Finn and me. Then I feel my eyes fill with tears.

I read the red script overlaid on the bottom.

“Fully focused.”

“Focus on Cleveland,” I whisper.

***

My phone wakes me, and I quickly hit decline so Noah stays asleep as I slide out of bed.

I walk out and hit call back. “How was the show?”

“Madness.” His low rumble causes shivers to run up and down my spine. “You were so right about them.”

“Which part, that STD is better?” I laugh.

“That, too. But I think they’re going to tour with us full-time. Xavier is meeting us in Cleveland.”

“Wait, so do I cancel the call for auditions?”

“No. No, I’m pumped now. I wanna see what Ohio has to offer besides the two hottest people in the world, the hottest couple on the planet, the—”

“Couple?” I let the word fill me.

“You busy getting ready for me?”

“I’m ready,” I sigh. “I miss you.” I almost get choked up, he does that to me, and it feels so good.

“I miss us. Now how about you let me in? It’s fucking raining out here, and I need—”

“Let you in?” I hear the gate intercom buzz. “Someone’s here, and it’s four o’clock in—”

“Yaya, let me in before I climb the fence.”

“You’re really here?” I ask as I run down the steps. The alarm intercom chimes again. “If that’s really you, you better stop because I have a sleeping child.”

“I don’t want to meet him tonight, Sonya. I want you.”

I hit the gate lock, and he drives up.

“What are you wearing?”

“Sweats and a T-shirt and—”

“Get them off.”

I watch as he climbs out of the SUV, and my entire body becomes tingly.

“Now.” He hangs up the phone.

I pull the ponytail elastic out of my hair, push down my sweats, and kick them off as I open the door.

“Damn,” he says as he sucks in a breath.

I grab the hem of my shirt and lift it as I walk backward so he can come in. He shuts the door, kicks off his boots, and pulls his shirt off all at the same time.

“You gotta lock it and hit the alarm and—”

He looks at me with frustration.

“I’m sorry. It’s just—”

“No, I get it.” He turns and does as I asked.

When he turns around again, he un-buttons his pants and shoves them down.

My heart is in my throat, but its beat is felt everywhere. I am panting and pulsating.

“This tattoo says ‘never forget.’ ” He points to the black ink bridging the defined V that points to his incredibly hung dick. “Your hot, wet pussy sliding up and down me is nothing I ever want to forget. I don’t ever want to, Sonya, do you understand?”

I practically run into his arms as I push down my panties and kick them off. “Me, either. I missed you so much. Catch me.” I smile as I jump into his arms and wrap my legs around him.

“Fuck, yes,” he growls as he reaches between us and rubs himself against my soaked opening. “Damn, I owe you tongue time, but right now—”

“I want you inside of me,” I beg.

“Connected to you,” he says, pushing into me.

“Body to body,” I whimper.

“Soul to soul.” His lips take mine as he pivots his hips, his head just inside of me.

I cry out against his mouth as he walks to the door and pushes me against it, his tongue lapping inside my mouth, hungry, needy, and greedy. He thrusts in so deep it hurts until pleasure overtakes pain and I am lost in our connection.

“Yes,” I hiss as my nails sink into his back.

“Yes,” he growls as he thrusts deeper, harder, at a steady, rhythmic pace. “So hot for me, and I’m so hard for you,” he groans. “Nothing better. Nothing ever felt so fucking right.”

“Nothing,” I cry as I come so hard my entire body trembles.

“Fuck,” he roars as he twitches inside of me, filling me full of his hot, thick come.

“Wow,” I say kissing his cheek, then his lips. “Amazing.”

“That was just the beginning, Yaya. Let’s get cleaned up, and then I want my mouth on you … everywhere.”

I lead him through the house to the downstairs bathroom just behind the kitchen.

“This place is insane,” he says as he looks around.

“The life of a hardworking drug slinger,” I say and then sigh.

“Yeah,” he says. “She may be a piece of shit mother, but right now, I’d kiss her for bringing you into the world.”

I laugh and squeeze his hand. “I wouldn’t let you.”

“I missed you so much.”

***

We walk out of the bathroom, and he looks around the kitchen. I have a towel around me; he doesn’t.

He looks at me, and I smile and shake my head.

“What?” he asks.

“Can you imagine what the women in cyberspace would think if they could see you now?”

He rolls his eyes. “Bigger question, do you think I give a fuck what any of them think?”

“I sure hope not,” I say quietly as I open the refrigerator and pull two bottles of water and a fruit and cheese platter out. “Noah and I had a movie night; this is left over. Would you like some?”

“Water sounds good.”

I hand it to him, and he opens it and drinks half of it down.

I take a drink and then smile. “Thank you for the picture. It is amazing.”

“Did you shove it in a closet or something?” he asks.

I shake my head. “I actually hung it up tonight. Would you like to see?”

“I would … definitely … like to see it. Was it clear, pixilated, dark—”

“Come on; I’ll show you. But you should put some pants on, just in case Noah wakes up.” Part of me thinks it would be okay if they met. Finn is a good man.

“I suppose I should.” He looks at me. “I would prefer you stay in that towel, though. I have some making up to do.”

After we grab our clothes, I walk up the stairs, holding his hand.

“You get lost in this place when you were a kid?”

“I sure tried,” I answer, trying to be funny, but the truth really isn’t.

He squeezes my hand, and I look over my shoulder at him. He gets me. He gets me, and I am sure I get him and this … this us thing he talks about: body to body, soul to soul. I want it so badly.

I open the door to my office where the picture is hanging proudly over my old day bed. “That’s us.”

“Sure is.” He walks ahead of me now, pulling me behind him, and sits on the bed, then lies back. “Lie with me. Let me hold you.”

I lie down and my head finds its place on his chest. His heartbeat hastens, and he lets out a deep breath.

“Can I ask you how your chat with your aunt went? About the missing money?”

“Well, you can ask, but I don’t know if you’ll understand the explanation.”

“Try me,” he says, rubbing my back.

“My aunt, well, she’s very critical, and I always felt like I owed her for moving across country for me and Noah. She was one of three people who pushed me to keep him. If she had told me to get an abortion, I probably would have, and Finn, I have never said that out loud. It hurts to even think about him not being here.”

“You did the right thing.”

“I know that now, but back then—”

“You don’t have to explain; just go on,” he says as he rubs my back harder.

“I will always be grateful. But anyway, she constantly talked down about my mother, about how she abandoned me—all of us—and I know it’s true to a point, but she did make sure I was set, that I had a home and money to go to school if I needed. And, well, to make a very long and complicated story short, Margie didn’t leave a lot behind.

“She and my cousins’ father ran a drug and prostitution business. When Mom went away, their contacts and suppliers did, too. Willie James left her and five kids. They came here because they didn’t really have anywhere else to go, and that is okay with me. We are family, but it was hard.

“She made me doubt my parenting ability. She never pushed me to get help, and in my head, I know it was so that she had this place, the money, and I can’t even fault her for that. She was doing what she had to do for her kids. Plus, I had people around me, which is more than I can say for when Mom was here.”

“I’m so sorry it sucks, Sonya, but you have Noah and you also have me now.”

I don’t want him to know what she has done, but I don’t want to hide anything from him anymore.

“Noah was sick, and she did take him to the hospital, but she was sick, too.”

He sits up and takes my hand. “Is she okay?”

“No. No, she isn’t. She’s in a treatment program. She drove Noah to the hospital and barely made it in herself because she was popping pills.”

“She drove with your son in the car when she was fucked up?” he gasps.

“Yes.”

“Thank God he’s okay. Jesus, what the hell was she thinking?! You should press charges. That bitch should—”

“She also took a second mortgage out in my name on the house and drained the household account, and—”

“Please tell me you called the cops.”

“I’ve done a lot of things, but neither of those. I sold some things off and made sure the mortgage was paid for a couple months until I figure out—”

“Do you owe more than it’s worth?”

“On the house?”

He nods.

“No.”

“Why are you staying here? Sell it, take the profit and your son, and come to Jersey.”

“I like it here.”

“Sonya, are you going to let her come back here?”

“I do owe her—”

“Owe her what exactly? Think about this. You don’t owe her shit. You are enabling her. She fucked you, and she could have killed your little boy. My fucking mother blew up a house cooking meth. I could have died if I were in it. Do you want that for Noah?”

“I will never leave him alone with her, not ever again.”

“So, what? Your mind’s made up? You’re gonna hang here, let your aunt and her five kids suck the life out of you, and sell shit on the Internet while staying holed up in a house that you clearly can’t afford but could walk away from with cash to start over instead of starting a new life with Noah?”

“Finn, it’s not that easy.”

“Sonya, life isn’t easy. We all make hard decisions. We try and sometimes fail, but we don’t say fuck it. We push harder.”

I look down as the tears begin to fall.

“Look at me.” He lifts my chin. “You are so smart, talented, beautiful, and your heart is so fucking big and pure it makes me want more. I even like the applause now. I thought about it, what had changed, what made me this way, and I know it was you.”

I can’t stop the flow of tears now. I lean in and hug him around the neck.

“You are not alone anymore. Hell, you have a whole team of misfits with bad attitudes who adore you.” He laughs as he hugs me tighter.

“Not River,” I say through even more tears.

“Who you been talking to?”

“Tally,” I answer and increase my hold on him.

“He’s changed his mind. We made up. He was feeling slighted.” He laughs. “Gotta sit back. I wanna see your face, those amber eyes, and the reaction when I tell you this next part.”

I sit back and wipe the tears away, and he helps me, smiling. God, his smile is so bright, his eyes so clear. Finn is such a beautiful soul. I was so wrong about him. So was she.

“Because of you, I faced my home for the first time in my life. Because of you, I looked through selfless eyes at the band you suggested and wanted them to be successful. I didn’t feel like everyone was out to get me.”

“I’m so happy for you.”

“I told my father the week I dropped you off at the hospital that I loved him for the first time in my life, and I had only told that to one other person before.”

The tears fall harder.

“Because of you, I look at so many things in a new light, Yaya, my beautiful, strong friend. Because of you, I realized that, in order to love—to truly love—you have to feel it, too. My father never said the words to me; my mother never did, either. I said it to him because I felt it in return.”

I am sobbing now.

“I know without a doubt that I feel it from you. You have shown it to me, and I am so fucked up on you. I am so lucidly fucked up that I know without a doubt I am in love for the first time in my life, because I feel it for you and from you. Baby, there is no one who has ever made me feel this way. I love you madly, deeply, with my body, mind, heart, and soul.”

I kiss him. I kiss him hard, and I cry harder.

He pulls back after a moment and wipes my tears dry, kisses my cheek, and says, “Sell this fucking place, a place you think of as a safe haven when in reality you are a prisoner to it. Sell it, Sonya, and move to Jersey. You and Noah move there to be near a perfectly fucked up family I know will make you feel the kind of love you deserve and want you and your little man to be happy. I want you, too. Fuck, I need you.”

“Finn, I need to tell you something. I need to tell you something that may change your mind. God, I should have told you before, but I couldn’t bring myself to. Before I do anything, you need to know something, something that may make you hate me.”

“I could never hate you, never. Love doesn’t work like that.”

“Do you hate her?” I ask as I step off the bed, walk to my dresser, and pull out the journal.

“Who, Sonya? Who the hell are you talking about?” He laughs.

“Jesse.”

He stops laughing immediately and his face turns white.

I hold up the journal. “When I was at the White’s house, I found this journal. My mother had just gone to jail, and I had just found out I was pregnant. I was scared, alone, and had no idea what I was going to do”—I hold up the book—“until I found this and read about her being pregnant and you begging her to keep it, promising her you would take care of them, that you’d become a family.”

I stop and wait for a reaction, but I don’t get one. He is expressionless and his eyes are getting murky.

“I made my decision to tell Johnny. I knew he would want the same thing. I was sure he loved me like the Finn in the book loved Jesse. She loved you, Finn, but she was too messed up to—”

He stands. “I don’t want to discuss her.”

“Please, if you don’t want to talk to me, just listen.” His jaw tenses as he stares at me. “I told Johnny about being pregnant and expected him to do exactly what you did. I thought we would be happy and”—I close my eyes and swallow down my emotions—“he wasn’t, Finn. He wasn’t, and I couldn’t hate him even after what he did. I couldn’t hate him, because if I did, I felt like I would hate part of my son, so I hated you because you were the reason I didn’t hide it and told him. So in my scared, messed up head, you were just as much to blame for me getting attacked as he was, maybe more so.

“I hated you because of the lies in this book. I hated you, and when I was asked to do the job for Stevie, I jumped at the chance because I wanted to be strong, and I wanted to face you because I hated you.

“I needed to hate you, but I needed a reason to hate you even more because it made me stronger. I wanted to make you hate women. I wanted to expose you for the fraud I thought you were. In my mind, it would validate me and my choices.

“Then I saw you. Then I saw you and realized how fucked up I was, how fucked up she was, and how perfect you are, and I hated me. But you wouldn’t give up on me, Finn. You wouldn’t, and now you love me, and I love you so much. I tried to—”

“You love me?” He laughs in anger. “You said you hated me.”

“No, this made me—” I stop and hand it to him. “This girl who didn’t deserve you, this book and her lies about you, they made me think I hated you, because—”

“Enough!”

“Finn, don’t be mad at me. Try to understand. I wanted to tell you. I tried.” I stop when I realize he isn’t paying any attention to my lunatic ramblings. “Please read the book. Please—”

I stop when he throws the book across the room, and it smashes against the picture. The book bounces down and falls into the vase holding the flowers Noah and I had bought. The water splashes up and hits the now broken frame and trickles down the side of my face in the photo like tears.

I turn back to see he is walking out the door.

“Finn, please don’t go. Please understand. Oh, God, Finn, I love you! Please don’t go,” I say as he disappears out of sight.

I turn back to the photo, and I crumble to the floor and sob.