Текст книги "Weak Without Him"

Автор книги: Lyra Parish

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Текущая страница: 5 (всего у книги 13 страниц)

Finnley chased after me, yelled my name and begged me to stop, but I couldn't. It was either fight or flight, and at the moment, I just wanted to get the fuck away from him, Jesse, and the whole fucked up situation. Abbie had been too much to handle, and now this?

Best friend to arch enemy, what the hell?

Eleven

I ran through the lobby to the Honda and struggled to unlock the door. My feelings were in too much of a frenzy, and I couldn't steady my hand. Finnley ran out of the building at a full sprint toward me, yelling.

"Stop, Jennifer. Please." He wasn’t even out of breath and I knew he had taken the stairs.

"I can't keep doing this to myself."

"Please… let me explain," he said.

My heart broke, leaving a heavy pressure on my chest. I was on the verge of losing control of my emotions.

Jesse's laugh reverberated in the streets as she followed behind Finnley. He turned and scowled at her, but kept his attention on me. When he reached out to grab me, I moved away from him. I forced open the car door and stuck the key in the ignition.

"Jennifer." He slammed his hand against the window. I refused to look at him. Instead, I placed the car into drive and sped on. In the rearview mirror, I saw him standing outside of The Elite building, watching me drive away with his hands balled in fists. Emotions fueled me forward. I turned a corner and was on the road to nowhere. I just had to get away.

My phone rang; Felton popped up and I threw it in the seat. I couldn't keep doing this. Did I really accept that the guy I had feelings for sold sex for a living? Would I feel second par forever?

I replayed the facts that I had witnessed. Finn's hands were on Jesse's shirt. He stood in front of her. Did he look like he enjoyed it? Not really. But what were they doing? Why was she smiling so big?

I couldn't stop thinking about what had happened. Anger filled me, then sadness, then anger again. I should have grabbed Jesse by her hair and forced her out of his office, then beat the shit out of her. But that was assault, and I wasn't a violent person, as much as she made me want to fight.

I pulled over on the side of the road, ran my fingers through my hair, and leaned my head against the steering wheel. Control, I had to find it before I got lost in a mind spin of rage.

My phone rang again. I picked it up, but before I rejected it, I saw that it was Luke. My heart dropped, and for a moment I thought about not answering, but... fuck it. What did I really have to lose?

"Hi," I said with a shaky, small voice.

"Jennifer, I wanted to… wait, is everything okay?"

When I sucked in a breath, my nose burned and I thought the tears would come, but instead I masked my feelings from him.

"No."

"Where are you?"

"I don't know. On the side of the road somewhere."

"Do you need help?"

Silence lingered.

"You can't help me. Everything is fine. Just a little upset."

"Well meet me somewhere. We need to talk."

"I can't, Luke. Really, I need time alone."

"Come to my house. I won't take very much of your time. I promise."

"Alright." I hung up the phone, made a U-turn, and headed toward Luke's house in the Valley. Honestly, I wasn't sure what I would say when I got there. The emptiness in the pit of my stomach swelled. The thoughts of Finn and Jesse sickened me.

When I saw Luke's house in the distance, my nerves went haywire. The last time I saw him, he was running away from me. Now here I was, running to him.

I sat outside for a few minutes and tried to recoup, to swallow it all down. Put on that pretty face and hide the sadness that lurked in the shadows. After I took a deep breath, I looked over and saw Luke walking toward me in loose fitting jeans and a t-shirt with the sleeves shoved to his elbows. Paint splatters covered his hands and shirt. He must have been working.

I stepped out of the car and he drew me into his arms and hugged me. I didn't know if the tears would stay at bay. I knew once they started, they wouldn't stop.

"I'm sorry for treating you the way I did the other day."

I took in his familiar smell of summer, paint, and creativity. He pulled back and searched my face.

"What's wrong? I can tell something isn't right."

I swallowed. "I deserve to be treated badly by you. I'm a horrible person, and I'm sorry."

"You're not. You can't help who you love."

I laughed sarcastically. If he only knew how much that statement rang true. We can't choose who we love, and if we could, I'm sure half the people in America wouldn't get divorced or be in toxic relationships. It isn't easy to stop loving someone, even if they are bad for business.

"You must be cold. Let’s go inside."

Luke put his arm over my shoulder and led me in. Everything was clean and in place except for newspapers and pieces of mail scattered across the bar. He could find inspiration in anything.

"Are you going to tell me now?"

"I went to visit Finnley." I hesitated, then continued. "And when I walked into his office, Jesse was topless. And I was so shocked I left. I just left. I couldn't handle it."

"It hurts when the person you love is with someone else." Now he laughed sarcastically, and I heard the pain in his voice. I closed my eyes and pushed my face into my hands. That's when the tears came. It wasn't always easy to be strong. Sometimes even the strongest bridges collapsed, warships were decommissioned, and armies destroyed. I was no different.

Luke was by my side, forcing me to stand. He placed his arms around me, calmed me, and coaxed me to let it all out. The build of emotions came but I refused to cry over Finn, Luke, my parents, Abbie, and everything that I had bottled up for the past few months. I stood deflated and swallowed it back, again. After I had made a complete and utter puss out of myself, I wiped my watering eyes, and hoped the tears would stay away. I seriously hated the way I looked when I cried. It was something that needed to be done alone. I didn't want pity from anyone, especially Luke.

He lifted my chin and forced me to look into his blue eyes. "I forgive you. I'm leaving tomorrow for Paris, and I wanted you to know that I'm not mad at you. As much as I want to hate you and my brother, I can't."

"You're leaving tomorrow?"

"Yeah, I decided to arrive a week early to get started on that project, and I found a flat that's fully furnished. Might as well get away. There's something that I want to show you before I leave." Then he smiled that boyish grin that overtook his whole face, and I couldn't help but smile back. "Come on." He patted my back, and we were climbing up the stairs.

Starry Night said hello, along with the pictures that Luke had painted of us. The guilt consumed me. The door to his studio was open, and we stepped inside. The canvases were almost in the same exact spot they were when I took my private tour, but there were more sketches along the walls. White sheets and plastic were draped across the floor, with paintbrushes and paint scattered by the eight foot canvas. He stood by his work of art with a huge smile on his face.

Paris. A lighted Eiffel Tower with flecks of snow falling around it filled the space. At the bottom was a couple holding hands, looking up at the masterpiece. The painting looked so realistic that I felt like I was there. I moved closer and admired each stroke of paint, every small fleck of snow, and the realism.

"Do you like it?"

"It's beautiful. You're so talented." We stood shoulder to shoulder staring at it.

"It's got a few imperfections, but for the most part, I'm happy with it."

I turned and looked at him. "Everything has imperfections. I feel like I am standing right there. Seriously, I think it's perfect the way it is."

"I think you're perfect."

I swallowed, and my breath caught in my chest. I tried to focus and get lost within its colors.

"I wish I could see this in real life."

"You do know I've still got your plane ticket." He smiled, and I brushed the hair from my shoulder. I turned and looked at him, but he continued to stare at the painting, holding back a grin. I contemplated the next few words that would come from my mouth.

"I'm going with you."

"What would Finnley say about that?"

"He's not the boss of me, and I would be honored to go with you, Luke. Just as friends, but still, we had plans. I want to travel. I want to see the world. And I need time away to figure out some things in my life."

"I won't stop you from coming because of selfish reasons but dodging your problems won't solve them."

"I'm not dodging anything. I think getting away will do me good, and I can do whatever I want."

"That's true. You're a grown woman and can make your own decisions."

"Wow, today has turned out different than I expected."

"I hope in a good way. Oh, and if you're coming along"—Luke grabbed my hand and kissed my knuckles, then looked into my eyes—"better get to packing, yeah?"

Paris: the city of love. Tomorrow, I would be there, walking the streets, drinking the wine, and taking in the scenery that I so desperately wanted to see.

A part of me felt guilty for going, and wondered what Finnley would do or how he would react, but the truth of the matter was I did what I wanted, when I wanted, and with who I wanted. If Finn wanted true control over me, he would give me a title, like his girlfriend. Until that happened, I had no reason to obey his commands.

Luke walked me out and leaned against the doorframe as I walked away. When I turned around to take one last look at him, he smiled, and I returned it.

"Meet me here before four. The flight is early, five o'clock in the morning."

Luketon Brand, the nicest guy in the world, would whisk me away to Paris.

I hoped that I would truly lose myself there.

FINNLEY
Twelve

"Do you have any idea what you've done? What the fuck was that up there, Miss Lakin?"

"Oh, we are going by titles now."

"Yes, we fucking are."

She moved closer to me, so close that I felt her breath on my skin, and it disgusted me. The only woman that I cared about left me standing, begging, yelling for her to stop, but she wasn't having it. Jennifer did what she wanted, regardless of the control I pretended to have over her.

"Mr. Felton, you know exactly what happened up there. I showed you my breasts, and you wanted to grab them."

"I wanted to close your shirt. Stop you from making a complete ass out of yourself, but I was too fucking late."

I grabbed her arm and yanked her inside with me. I wouldn't be the man who made a spectacle in public, not after the scene that just happened. We stood in the lobby, and the security guard stared at the wall with his eyes glazed over. Jesse laughed, ridiculously.

"I love it when you're rough with me, Mr. Felton."

"I'm sorry, have you fallen and hit your fucking head. What has come over you?" I moved an inch closer to her face. Anger built inside of me, raging to an uncontrollable level, but I pushed it down. She pressed her body against mine, and I didn't move. I didn't pull away, as much as her actions appalled me. Leaning in, trying to get as close to my lips as she could, she puckered. When she closed her eyes, I spoke between gritted teeth.

"You are fired. Pack your things immediately and get out."

"Fired? You can't fire me."

"I can do whatever the fuck I want. Security, please follow Miss Lakin to her office, allow her to pack her belongings, then escort her off the premises. Do not allow her back on the property, indefinitely."

He gave a nod, and followed behind Jesse who almost combusted with fury. She ran to me and grabbed my hand, and I jerked it away.

"You can't go on without me. Don't do this. Don't fire me."

"Too fucking late."

Not able to go on without her? I've lost too many people in my life, and she was nothing more than a colleague, an employee, a manager of The Elite.

I turned on my heels, walked through the automatic doors, and tried to soak in the fresh air. My head swam with thoughts of Jennifer and how angry she must be. I know how it looked, and thinking back to that moment infuriated me.

Once inside V, I pulled out my phone and cancelled the appointment with the man who wanted to purchase the Honda. Told him I would give a killer deal, and would need to reschedule. After hanging up, I dialed Jennifer's number. No answer. Fuck!

I drove to her house. She wasn't home. She wasn't answering her phone. Damn it. Vegas was a big city, one large enough for a beautiful woman to get lost in, and I needed to find Jennifer before she did something stupid. I had to apologize to her and let her know what had really happened, not what she assumed.

Jesse did something that was unforgivable, and just the thought of it pissed me off all over again. Who the fuck did she think she was, and what the fuck did she think she was doing? I never gave her a reason to think feelings existed between us. I probably should have squashed the crush thing years ago, but it was harmless. Snowballs usually are until they become avalanches.

Before I started to panic, I got out of V and leaned against the trunk outside of her house. After forty-five solid minutes of waiting, I knew that she wasn't coming home. The best thing would be to leave her alone and give her the space she needed until she was willing to talk. I couldn't live without her, not since I've had her. Jennifer was my fucking drug, and I constantly needed my fix. Just the thought of her brought a smile to my face, but the thought of her hurting, destroyed me.

I called Paisley and let her know that her counterpart was terminated and that she would need to find a replacement as soon as possible. In a few days, we had one of the biggest conferences of the year, and I would need help facilitating it.

"Mr. Felton, may I ask why she was terminated?"

"Sexual harassment."

"With another employee?"

"With me."

She agreed to post the position when she returned to the office.

"Also, can you please have Lori give me a call?"

"Yes, sir."

We hung up, and I headed home. The day had been long, exciting, then somehow took a turn for the worse. What had happened?

When I walked inside, Lori rang, and I answered.

"Lori, I have a small favor to ask of you, please."

"Yes, Mr. Felton. Anything you need."

"Please contact Jennifer Downs and have her call me immediately."

She agreed, and didn't ask any questions. If any of my Girls could get ahold of Jennifer, Lori would be the one. Jennifer and her had a relationship that was more than just being an Elite. They were friends at first sight. Kindred spirits, I supposed.

I kicked off my shoes, loosened my tie, and sat at the table. I needed to hear Jennifer's voice and explain myself. Yes, it's easy to demonize me, make me out to be the giant asshole that I admittedly am. But not this time. Like I said before, I don't like my nose being rubbed in shit, especially over a misunderstanding.

Lori called back and said she left Jennifer a voicemail. If she heard anything, she would let me know.

The waiting game began. I would wait for her forever.

Thirteen

Three o'clock in the morning came early. When I had seen this time last, it wasn't because I was waking, but rather going to sleep. I turned on my phone and had several missed calls. Lori and Finnley just couldn't leave me the fuck alone. I turned my phone back off. I didn't want to talk to anyone, no one, not even Lori.

The crisp air filled my lungs as I packed two weeks’ worth of clothes into the Honda. Although Little V didn't do anything wrong, and I loved her, I couldn't stand the thought of driving that car. I didn't want to think about Finn. I'd rather think about nothing, put up that wall, and continue forward.

Yawn after yawn came, and I stopped by the little coffee shop on the way out and grabbed a mocha for me and a black coffee for Luke, just the way he liked it.

When I rolled up to his house, he opened the garage, and I parked inside. Like a gentleman, Luke helped me load my bags into the trunk of his Volvo.

"Morning," he said, his voice still raspy from waking.

"Morning. I got you a coffee." I handed him the cup, and he wrapped both hands around it.

"And it's still warm. That's what I call service. Thanks." He opened the door for me. The heated seats warmed my body.

"All set?"

I nodded and yawned.

The garage door closed and we were on our way to the airport.

Moonlight barely peeked over the mountainside, and the thought of going away excited me.

"What are you thinking about?" Luke asked.

"Just admiring the scenery. It's not something I am used to seeing yet."

"Yeah, your part of Texas is mostly flat, except for the bridges."

"That's the only downfall I think. But hey, we've got plenty of swampy waters and mosquitos."

We continued with small talk, as if nothing had happened between us. Once at the airport, we unloaded our bags, and made our way through security. I grabbed my passport from the front of my suitcase and then placed it, along with my plane ticket, in my pocket. We had an hour to kill so I leaned back in the plastic chair and closed my eyes. Unable to get comfortable, I rested my head on Luke's shoulder, and he wrapped his arm around me.

"Did you ever see Titanic?" I asked.

"James Cameron? Yeah. Who hasn't seen that movie?"

"The end made me cry. I never got enough of the young Leonardo DiCaprio. Like I had such a mega huge crush on him, posters in my bedroom, and I even signed DiCaprio behind my name as practice. I had the whole movie almost memorized verbatim."

Luke laughed. "Really?"

"He was an artist. You know, Jack."

"Yeah. He was."

I looked into Luke's eyes, and he swallowed.

"Would you paint me like that one day? The same setting as Jack and Rose."

His breath tingled on my skin, and my heart pounded in my chest.

"You'll always be my Rose, Jennifer. And if it would make you happy, then yes."

I laid my head back down on his shoulder. Only the armrest separated our bodies.

It was easy and comfortable being with Luke, and at that moment I was the happiest I had been in a while.

Fourteen

Luke patted me awake after I had fallen asleep on him. I would have four hours to rest until the flight connected in New York. We walked through the tunnel, and boarded the plane. The window seat had my name written all over it. Before we took off, all the rules and regulations blared over the loudspeaker. Buckle your seatbelts, blah blah blah, then the plane lifted and soared above the ground. Being above everyday life as it continued down below was an odd feeling. Almost as if I were detached from the real world, viewing it from a bird’s eye, in a sense.

Luke leaned over my body and glanced out. Rusty mountains and desert surrounded us. I moved my body back in the seat and closed my eyes.

"I will never get tired of looking out the window of a plane."

"Me either," I said and looked at Luke.

He leaned back in his seat, pulled out a sketchpad, charcoal, and drew. Positioning his pencil at an angle, he drew dots and small lines that were followed by shading. Then an eye, eyelashes, and eyebrows were formed. With his thumb, he smudged lines, then continued drawing lips and hair. Although my eyelids were heavy, I watched him work. The way he would close his eyes and reopen them, then close them again and reopen them, made me admire him even more for being able to draw from memory. Luke was completely involved in his work, despite the crying baby in the background or the chatter a few seats over, focused entirely on the drawing. He bit his lip and finished the picture with an eraser. Once complete, he looked down at it, then over at me with a grin.

"How's this?" he asked.

The picture was of me sleeping.

"What you're trying to say is you could draw me exactly how Jack drew Rose?"

He laughed. "I could."

"That eraser thing, it's neat."

"It's actually called a blender. Helps smear the charcoal and emphasize the shading."

"How long have you been doing this, drawing and painting?"

"Since I was seven. My mother insisted we find our creative side at an early age, so she enrolled us in art and music classes. I always loved to draw. Painting came before music. Violin. I love it."

"Really? You play the violin?" I couldn't stop thinking about the night that he was going to make me his, and the violinist that played during dinner. Every piece of that night had meant something to him. It was perfectly planned, and I was too stupid to see it.

"You said we. Finnley took classes as well?"

"Oh yeah. He can draw too. He's extremely talented. Better than me, I think. A natural. He can cook, and play the piano. He has many secret talents."

If Luke only knew…

The thought of Finn having that much creativity… just, blew my mind. I couldn't imagine it. But other than that, Finnley was a closed book; a cliffhanger that I would never have the full story of and it frustrated me. But then again, learning about him was half the fun of it all, right?

After repositioning his body, Luke closed the sketchpad. "Did you tell him you were coming with me?"

"Haven't talked to anyone but you since yesterday afternoon."

"He's going to be pissed, you know."

"I know."

The thought of it made me uneasy. When I sucked in a deep breath, Luke grabbed my hand and squeezed.

"When I have a chat with him, I'm going to tell him you confessed your undying love for me and we ran away together to get married in Paris."

I laughed. "Can't wait to hear his reaction. Promise to have him on speaker when you tell him."

Luke let out a yawn. So did I. He stopped the airline attendant and asked for a blanket, and I yawned again. Why were they so contagious? She brought a thin blanket over to us, and he plopped it over our legs. The warmth relaxed me and together we drifted to sleep as we soared through the clouds.

We woke as the plane landed. I knew I had sleepy eyes, and so did he. When we were allowed, we grabbed our carry-on bags and made our way off of the plane. If Vegas had been cold, New York was freezing.

Blankets of white surrounded us, and the snow steadily fell. We grabbed our bags and checked them in for our connecting flight.

A little restaurant beckoned us forward.

"Hungry?"

"Starving," I said.

We walked inside, ordered a few waffles, and more coffee. I needed a gallon of it.

"Are you going to call Finn before we board?" he asked over a hot mug.

"No."

Once we were finished, we made our way to the waiting area where the attendants boarded the plane. In six hours, I would officially be in another country, viewing a different set of bright lights and fast paced atmosphere.

Luke stopped before entering the hangar and finished typing on his phone, then stuck it in his pocket and continued with me. I might be jetlagged, tired, and hungry for a real meal, but I didn't give a shit about any of it. The thoughts of being somewhere else would fuel the flight, and that was enough to keep me going.