Текст книги "Calling Me Back "

Автор книги: Louise Bay

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Luke

“Why didn’t you bring Emma?” Haven asked as she opened the door.

“It’s so good to see you, my beloved brother. How are you?” I responded sarcastically. I bent and kissed her cheek, and then we went through to the open-plan living space.

“So?” she asked.

Jake was in the kitchen, and we exchanged raised eyebrows.

“She didn’t want to come. I can’t force her,” I said. The truth was I hadn’t pushed very hard. I preferred it when it was just the four of us. Or the five of us¸ when Beth joined. We fit together well.

“Did you suggest she come? What did she say?” she asked.

“That she always felt uncomfortable because we all had private jokes or something.”

“Well how come Jake doesn’t feel like that? He’s come on the scene more recently than Emma.” Haven waved around a vegetable knife for emphasis. “Were you uncomfortable coming to Sunday night dinner?” she asked Jake, who seemed to be shredding some kind of vegetable with an unusually complicated cheese grater.

He shook his head. “Nothing would have stopped me from spending time with you, and I wanted to know your family better. Anyway, I love Ash and Luke; why wouldn’t I like hanging out with them?”

“Stop, you’re going to have me crying into my beer,” I said, and Jake grinned at me.

“So she wants to marry you, but doesn’t like your family?” Jake asked. He switched from shredding to stirring something on the stove, his eyes fixed on the pot as if he were expecting gremlins to pop out of the pan at any moment.

“It’s not quite that straightforward,” I said. “I can see why it would be more difficult for her than it was for you. Haven and Ash are quite the force to be reckoned with.”

“What does that mean?” Haven’s eyes narrowed as she pointed what looked like a very sharp knife in my direction.

“It means that you are both very protective, and that’s great and everything, but . . .” Ash made things complicated. She wasn’t my sister but knew me as well, if not better, than Haven. And I enjoyed her company, but girlfriends hadn’t historically understood our relationship. “Let’s get off the subject please. I hear Ash is away this weekend?” Something was always off when she wasn’t around on Sundays. It was unsettling.

“Yeah, Richard’s taken her to the Lake District. He’s really serious about her. You can tell he has a green, flashing light right over his head,” Haven said.

I looked at Jake to see if he was wondering what the hell she meant. He seemed as confused as I was.

“What?” he asked. “A light on his head?”

“You know, when guys are ready to get married, all the lights turn to green. Richard is ready and he wants it. You can tell.”

“Where did you come up with this crazy theory?” Jake asked, and he pulled her toward him and kissed her roughly.

She pushed him away. “Watch that sauce, or it will burn,” she said. “Everyone knows that guys can just suddenly turn their green light on, and when they do, they’re married within a year.”

“You reckon?” I asked.

“That didn’t happen with you and me,” Jake said with a confused look on his face. “I mean I wasn’t green light until you came along.”

“Yeah, but I’m special—the exception that proves the rule. Or something. All I’m saying is that I think if Ash wants to marry Richard, they’ll be engaged by the end of the year.”

My gut twisted at the thought of more change being thrust upon me, of Ash being engaged. I’d been focused on how marrying Emma would shift things, but if Ash married Richard . . . What would that do to our routine, our Sunday night dinners? Would I still be able to hang out with her? Invite her to work events? My head started to spin.

I wasn’t sure if Jake and Richard being ready to commit so quickly meant that I was just different, or if it meant I just wasn’t with the right woman. Haven was, for sure, the right woman for Jake, and Ash? Was she the right woman for Richard? Was Richard the right guy for her?

“You never know. He might propose this weekend,” Haven said.

“What? That will never happen. He’s barely known her three months,” I said.

Jake nodded. “She might be right. When you know, you know. Took me less time than that to know I was going to marry Haven.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me. Does she like him enough to marry him? I didn’t get that vibe from her.”

Haven didn’t respond and just shoved some apples and a vegetable peeler in front of me.

I picked up an apple and started peeling. “I’m not sure they fit together, you know?” In my head, I’d always seen Haven married someday, but I’d never thought that would be for Ash. I’d always seen her as . . . belonging to me, somehow. Like we were a pair. Not that there’d ever been anything romantic between us, it was just . . . I knew that she was special to me, and me to her. We had a bond.

“I don’t want her to end up married to some loser. It’s bad enough having to put up with this one.” I cocked my head at Jake and he grinned.

I tried to remember what Richard was like, but it really had been a fleeting introduction. I hadn’t seen any kind of massive spark between them, but maybe that was wishful thinking on my part. I suppose he could be seen as handsome, and he would be able to look after her financially. He was a doctor. “I guess on paper he’s a catch—”

“You might be married to Emma by the end of the year,” Haven said.

“No way,” Jake said before I had a chance to respond. Haven playfully swiped him on the arm. “What?” he asked her, and she shot him a look.

“Have you decided what you’re going to do?” she asked.

Although I’d tried to put Emma’s ultimatum at the back of my brain, I’d thought about little else. At first I’d been convinced she was bluffing, and that she’d calm down in a couple of days and things would go back to normal. But I knew that wasn’t going to happen. The problem was we wanted different things. The more time that went on, the clearer it was I didn’t want to marry her.

“Nope.” All I saw was a lose/lose situation ahead of me.

“Hey,” I called as I let myself back into our flat after dinner.

“Hi,” she replied. That was progress. At least she was speaking to me tonight.

“Haven and Jake asked after you,” I said as I joined her in the living room.

“Right.”

“Emma—”

“Don’t ‘Emma’ me, like I’m being some unreasonable shrew. I’ve done nothing but love you. I just want you to decide whether you see a future with me.”

I slumped onto the sofa. I loved this couch. I’d had it since university, bought it when I shared a house in my sophomore year. Emma had tried to convince me to throw it out when we moved in together, but I’d bargained with her and given in to her choice of location on the condition I got to keep it. I smoothed my hand down the soft brown leather of the arm and took the comfort it offered. There was no point in replying. I didn’t have anything to say, it was clear there was no talking her round. Things weren’t going to go back to how they were, so she was right. I needed to decide whether or not I wanted to get married, have a family, do all those things that normal people did.

“If we split up, I’m keeping this flat. I’ll buy you out,” she said.

She’d clearly been thinking about this. Making plans. Jesus, I couldn’t keep up. “You agreed to give me some time to think it over. It’s a big decision.”

Emma sighed and got up off the chair opposite me, taking her book with her, and headed toward our bedroom. “The thing is it shouldn’t be.”

It was early, but bed seemed like a good place to be. I needed some space to think. Would Ash feel like this when Richard proposed? Would she have doubts? I knew Haven and Jake never questioned their future together. They knew that it was right, and Jake worshipped my sister. But not every couple was like that, were they? The fact that Richard hadn’t been to Sunday night dinner suggested that Ash wasn’t as serious about him as Haven had been about Jake. But maybe if he proposed, she’d get more serious? I closed my eyes. I should have been concentrating on Emma and me, not thinking about Ash and Richard.

Should I take Jake’s advice and wait for the right girl? Was I the sort of man who found the right girl? I wasn’t sure. Emma was right; we’d been together long enough to understand our feelings for each other. And although I loved her, when it came down to it, if I was being true to myself, I didn’t want to marry her. As much as I tried to imagine being married to Emma, it was easier to imagine us not together anymore, not in each other’s lives. That feeling wasn’t as uncomfortable. My mind drifted back to Ash. The thought of her not in my world because she’d built a life with Richard was . . . Well, it was unthinkable. Just the possibility made my temperature rise and my palms sweat.

I’d missed Ash this evening. It was never the same without her. Surely she would be back this evening from her weekend away? I pulled out my phone to message her.

Luke: Hey. Missed you at dinner tonight.

I scrolled through a few work emails, wondering if she’d message me back.

Ash: Good to know I’m missed.

I grinned at the screen. Of course she was missed.

Luke: Did you check your schedule? Can you make the awards dinner?

I was looking forward to that evening now I’d invited her. I hoped she wasn’t working.

Ash: Yeah, I can make it. Richard’s out that night too.

When had Richard being out become a factor in Ash’s decision making? Maybe Haven was right and they were serious. My fingers hovered over the dial button. I wanted to call and ask her what was going on, whether she was going to marry him. I mean, I was like a brother to her. I had a right to know, didn’t I? But it wasn’t just protectiveness I felt.

It was jealousy.

Of Richard.

Ashleigh

“It’s been amazing, hasn’t it?” Richard said as he kissed me softly on the lips. We were putting our bags in the car, ready for the journey home from the Lake District.

I nodded. The weekend had been lovely, but not amazing. Richard had been kind, thoughtful and attentive as always. I had nothing to complain about. But I hadn’t laughed as much as I normally did, hadn’t been silly or . . . I just hadn’t felt quite like myself.

“I always forget how beautiful it is up here,” I said as I turned away from the car, back toward the view of the lake below me. The mountains jaggedly cut though the blue sky, and I took a deep breath full of mountain air. Before my parents moved to Hong Kong, we used to visit the Lake District quite regularly. Haven and Luke joined us once, before their parents died. Even when it rained, which was most of the time, it was incredible, magical and such a contrast to London. “Thank you for bringing me back.”

“We’ll have to come again. Maybe we’ll have our honeymoon here. You never know,” Richard said, grinning at me.

My stomach lurched at his suggestion, but I managed a small smile. It wasn’t excitement that coursed through me. It was anxiety at the thought of a honeymoon with Richard, a life with Richard. He was such a great guy, and I knew that I was crazy with a capital C for not swooning at his suggestion. But as much as I tried, I wasn’t as serious about our relationship as he was. I was disappointed in myself for not being able to fall for him. Part of me wondered whether I was just destined to be unhappy, or if I would choose the most difficult route to happiness and be bound for failure.

Richard opened the passenger door for me, and I got in, getting comfortable for the long drive.

“Have you got a busy week?” he asked as he started the engine.

I nodded. “Yeah, quite busy. I’ve got to study for my entrance exam, so the next few weeks will be brutal.”

He glanced at me. “Sorry. What are you talking about? What entrance exam?”

“I told you that I was thinking about applying for an MBA program.”

“No you didn’t. Why do you want to do that?”

“I think it will be good. It’ll help me if I want to head up nursing in a big hospital, or . . . I don’t know. I might want a career change, to move into a more general healthcare role.” I liked the challenge that an MBA provided, and it was increasingly common for nurses to get them. As much as I enjoyed my job and the contact I had with patients, I felt there was more I could do for people if I had an opportunity to influence policy within a hospital.

Richard didn’t respond. He just stared out of the window at the road in front of us.

“You don’t think it’s a good idea?” I asked.

“I didn’t think you were a career girl, that’s all.”

What did that mean? “What’s a career girl?”

He frowned and looked in my direction, then back at the road. “Wouldn’t you want to stay at home with your children?” he asked.

“Well, unless you know something I don’t, I’m not pregnant. Anyway, I like working. I don’t understand how a girl with a career is a bad thing.”

“I’m not saying it’s a bad thing. I think it’s great that you’ve been to university, but motherhood is the most important job you can do.”

“Like fatherhood?”

“Well, yes but it’s different, isn’t it?”

“Is it?”

“Well, apart from anything else, my earning potential is more than yours, so it makes more sense if either of us is to stay home that it would be you.”

Were we really discussing what married life was going to be like for us? I wanted to undo the top button of my shirt to relieve the tightness around my throat, but I was wearing a V-neck and it wasn’t the collar that was creating the restriction.

“Who knows, maybe I’ll end up earning more than you if I get my MBA.”

“And is that what you want?”

“What? To have a successful and rewarding career? Sure. Isn’t it what you want?”

“I know, but do you want that more than you want to have kids and be a stay-at-home mother?”

How were we having this conversation at the beginning of a five-hour car ride?

“I want to have kids and a career. I guess like you do.”

Richard nodded but didn’t reply.

Haven had been right. Richard wasn’t the man for me. If I hadn’t known before, how he saw our future together had solidified my feelings. Ultimately, if we didn’t want the same things from life, then whether or not there was passion between us didn’t matter. It was a relief in a sense. It gave me a sensible reason for not wanting Richard. I didn’t have to worry about whether or not I was prepared to give up passion for a good guy, or that wanting someone who was my best friend, who made me laugh but also knew how to make my toes curl, was naïve and ridiculous. These were concrete compatibility issues.

I would have to tell him. Sooner rather than later. It was clear that he was serious about us, and it wasn’t fair to keep him thinking that I was too.

“Hey, you’ve ordered the wine, I see,” I said to Haven as I reached the table. We were meeting at one of our favorite restaurants in London. It wasn’t fancy, but the staff was friendly and the tapas amazing.

“You look really good,” she replied.

“Thanks.” I’d been home to change. I wanted to feel good tonight.

“The Lake District agreed with you then?”

I grinned. “Kind of. I always love going back, but Richard and I didn’t work out.”

“What do you mean?” She paused just before pouring my wine. I pointed at my glass. I needed a drink.

“I ended it with him last night. Things weren’t right.”

“Because of the sex?”

“Yes and no. I think the sex was just a metaphor for our lack of connection on a lot of levels. We wanted different things, and I couldn’t be myself around him; he didn’t make me laugh. I think I would have been less with him—certainly not been everything I could be.”

“It sounds like you made the right decision. You need someone who will make you more, bring out all your colors.”

I nodded.

“How did he take it?” she asked.

I wasn’t sure how he’d taken it. One minute he’d been mentioning our honeymoon and being really attentive, but he’d barely reacted at all when we’d met the next day and I told him that I didn’t think we were going to work out. “Okay, I think. Sometimes I thought he was really into me, and then other times I wasn’t sure if it was me, or the idea of me he liked. I’m going to start Internet dating, I think,” I said.

“So this isn’t about Luke?” she asked.

“What do you mean?”

“Ending things with Richard isn’t because you still have a crush on Luke?” I looked over my shoulder to check who was around. The last thing I needed was Luke to be behind us.

“Haven, I’ve loved your brother a long time. I’m not sure that will ever change, but he’s going to go off and have his two kids and picket fence with Emma. I’m pleased for him if that will make him happy. I just need to concentrate on what’s going to make me happy.”

She looked surprised. “You think you love him?”

“I know I do,” I replied.

“I’m sorry,” Haven said as she reached for my hand. “I didn’t realize that you felt that strongly.”

“It’s fine. I’ve had a lot of time to get used to the fact that he doesn’t feel the same way. If it hasn’t happened by now, I know it’s never going to.” I took a deep breath. “I’m not saying I’m over him, or that I ever will be. I just know I have to make my world about more than him.” Haven’s eyes were glassy with tears. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything,” I said, squeezing her hand.

“No, I’m pleased you did. I’m sorry you haven’t felt you can talk to me about this stuff.”

I pulled my hand away. “He’s your brother. I don’t want to make it awkward for you. Anyway, now we don’t need to talk about it again. I’m moving on. Dating Richard was good for me. I just need to find the right guy. Can we clone Jake? That would work for me.”

“You know, with his science-y contacts and his money, that’s a real possibility. I’ll ask him. In the meantime, more wine?”

I nodded. “Oh yeah, and he has to adore me like Jake adores you.”

“From what you were saying, Richard adored you.”

“I think he liked me. I guess it’s mutual adoration that I’m after.”

“You know that Jake and I hated each other when we first met. It’s not always love at first sight.”

“I know, but I gave Richard three months. I mean, you know by then, don’t you?”

The more distance I had from Luke, the better. I needed to stop comparing what I had with him, what I felt for him, to whomever I dated next. Maybe practice would make perfect.

Luke

I wasn’t going to leave it until Emma’s deadline was up. Now I knew where we were going, it seemed unfair to string things out. Emma had the day off tomorrow, so I was going to tell her this evening. I’d texted her earlier in the day to suggest we talk when she got home from work, and she’d replied saying she’d be home at eight. I’d also called Haven and asked if I could spend a few days with them while I got myself sorted out.

My heart was thundering in my chest. All the pieces were in place—I just needed to pull the trigger. I wasn’t sure if I’d be met with tears or anger. She’d been so unpredictable recently. Part of me thought that I was giving her the conclusion she was expecting, and that she would simply want me to leave. Then the other part of me feared for my man parts. I didn’t want to be Bobbitted.

I’d packed a suitcase of things I’d need over the next few days, and I was just putting it behind the door in the spare room when I heard Emma’s keys in the lock. This was it. I had to say it quickly, get it out and then see where we went from there.

I moved into the kitchen and pulled out two glasses from the cupboard. I’d bought a bottle of her favorite wine. Was that insensitive? Would she think I was going to propose? Shit, maybe I hadn’t thought this through. I didn’t know what the right thing was. I didn’t want her to be upset. I didn’t want her to hate me. I wanted her to see that although I loved her, I just didn’t want to marry her.

“Hey,” she said softly as she came into the kitchen, taking off her coat. Her eyes went to the wine and the corners of her mouth twitched. Shit, she thought it was good news. Her eyes flicked to mine and she stilled. I passed her a glass of wine.

“How was work?” I asked.

“Fine. Someone threw up on me. You?”

My stomach was churning and I was conscious of my bones, as if my nervousness had penetrated right to my skeleton. “Okay,” I said. She took her glass and collapsed on my sofa. I sat opposite her on the coffee table. I had to do this now, or I would lose my nerve. “I’ve thought about what you said.” Her eyes were a mixture of fear and excitement, her knuckles white with her grip on the glass. “I’ve thought of little else since you brought it up, and it’s not going to work out for us.” The churning in my stomach was near overwhelming as I searched her face for a reaction. She was very still. “I’m sorry,” I whispered.

“Do you need more time?” she asked in a quiet voice. It wasn’t what I’d expected her to say. “I mean, I shouldn’t have given you that deadline. If you’re not ready, I can give you more time.” Her words came more quickly and tears were forming in her eyes.

I leaned forward and took her hand. “You were right to push me. I’d not thought about it, and I should have done. I should have understood how you felt about our future together and I didn’t. I’m sorry.” I’d been selfish. I’d wanted to freeze time and live in that exact moment for the rest of my life, because if that were possible then I didn’t have to lose anything or anyone.

After my parents died, for months, I’d kept imagining the last time I’d seen them, the last time I’d hugged them, the last time I’d told them I loved them. I wanted to remember those moments as perfect. I did it so often that the pictures in my head had become distorted, and I couldn’t separate out what really happened from what I had invented. In my own life, I’d clung to everything around me, afraid to lose anything, not questioning whether or not I really wanted those things.

It was time to grow up and move on.

“And you don’t want to marry me?” she asked, her voice wobbling on the word “me”. Shit, how did I make this better?

I took her hand and squeezed it. “I love you. You are amazing. You’re bright and kind and all the things any guy would be lucky to have in a wife.” Her tears spilled over and down her cheeks.

“But not enough for you?”

“I just don’t want to get married. Not yet, maybe not ever. I don’t see myself with kids. You do and that’s fine. I want that for you but—”

“I’ll wait. I can give you a year and see if you feel differently.” She sounded so sad, and I hated that I caused it.

I shook my head. It would be easy at this point to agree to an extra year. It would keep everything just the same. But I couldn’t do that to her. I wanted her to have the future she imagined for herself, and I would never be able to give her that.

“I won’t do that to you,” I said as I squeezed her hand. “I can’t.”

“I don’t mind. I’ll wait. I shouldn’t have pushed—I knew you weren’t ready. Please Luke, don’t leave me.”

A month ago, I never would have thought that we’d have this conversation. I thought we were happy. We had a relationship I enjoyed because we gave each other so much freedom. And I loved her. I really did. But now she was offering me this extra time, which I knew I couldn’t take because it wasn’t fair on her. But ultimately, I didn’t want it. I wanted to move on. The churning in my stomach was no longer about the impact this conversation was having on me but what it was doing to Emma. I was ready for a different future.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. I don’t think anything will change for me. I’m sorry,” I said.

She took a sharp intake of breath and narrowed her eyes. “Is there someone else?”

“Of course not.” How could she think that? “I’ve never cheated on you or anyone.”

“Not with Ash?”

My stomach twisted. Did she think there was something between us? My feelings about Ash and Richard had confused me, but I hadn’t reached a conclusion about why. “Not anyone.”

She nodded. “So you’re going to move out.”

“I’m going to stay with Haven.”

“Right,” she said, her throat tight. “I’ll speak to my dad about getting the money together to buy you out.”

“You know where I am. I’ll let you know if I find a place.”

She started to cry again. I just wanted to take her in my arms and make everything better. I moved toward her and she pulled farther away.

“I’m sorry,” I said, again. “Do you want me to stay tonight?” I asked.

She shook her head. “No, I’ll call Kelly. You should go now. I really loved you, Luke.”

I closed my eyes. “I know and I love you. I really want you to be happy.”

I stood, headed to the guest bedroom and collected my case.

Thank God the following day was Friday. My brain was close to a meltdown with all the adjustments and contemplations it had been doing recently. I didn’t often go drinking with colleagues, but tonight was an exception. I needed to block things out. Alcohol was the perfect treatment. I could dive into those relaxed soporific sensations and let myself drown for a bit. I could use it to block out the guilt and unease, the anxiety over what was next.

Emma’s reaction to our breakup had been heartbreaking. Somehow I felt guilty that she wasn’t angrier with me. She had every reason to be. Unwittingly, I’d led her to believe that we could be something more. I should have been more sensitive to her.

“Shots!” Mark, one of the other lawyers, shouted as he placed a tray of vodka in front of the group of us gathered in Chancery Bar. I couldn’t remember if this would be my fourth or fifth shot, but things were becoming pleasantly hazy.

“Oh, just to warn you, Wendy found out you’re single,” Mark whispered.

I shuddered. Wendy, our office manager, flirted with most of the lawyers who were single and a number of them had “experienced” her. I wasn’t about to be another one of those guys. She wasn’t my type.

“You not interested?” Mark asked. “She’s sexy.”

I shook my head. “Never a good idea to shit on your own doorstep.”

That seemed to make sense to Mark, and he didn’t push it. I scanned the faces in the bar. What was my type? Emma and I had been introduced to each other at a party. She was pretty and funny and smart. I wasn’t sure I had a physical type.

We’d been drinking for hours when our group started to thin out. I checked my watch. It wasn’t even nine. Jesus, it felt like two in the morning. I didn’t often drink shots on an empty stomach. Perhaps it was time for me to go. But the only thing waiting for me at home was a couple that made me want to vomit, they were so in love. I pulled out my phone. What was Ashleigh doing? I could go round. We could talk. I hadn’t told her I was ending things with Emma. What would she think? I wanted to know more about how she was feeling about Richard. I wanted to know more about him, whether or not he was good enough for her. More than that, I wanted to understand why thinking about them together made me jealous.

Seeing her suddenly became urgent.

Ashleigh

“The building better be on fire,” I shouted in response to the banging on my front door. Who the hell was making such noise at this time of night? It was just gone nine and I was in my PJ’s, my makeup off, watching television. It had been a perfect evening of doing nothing, and now someone was spoiling it.

I checked the peephole and flung the door open. “What are you doing here?” I asked Luke. “Are you drunk?” He squinted as if he was finding it difficult to focus.

“Yup. I really need some water.”

I rolled my eyes and stomped off to the kitchen. The door closed behind him as he trailed after me. “It’s late, Luke. Why are you here?”

“Shit.” He stood up really straight. “Sorry. Is Richard here?”

I ran the cold tap and filled a glass full of water. Haven obviously hadn’t told him about our breakup. I shook my head. He smiled and headed over to my sofa where he collapsed. “Do you have snacks?” he asked. “Maybe something with cheese?”

“You realize there are plenty of fast food restaurants that you can go to when you’re drunk that will feed you carbs and water. There’s no need for you to come to me.” How was I going to keep my distance from him if he kept following me?

Luke groaned. “Stop complaining, Ash. You love looking after people. That’s why you do what you do.”

“You should go home,” I said. “Shall I call you a cab?”

“Urgh, no. I can’t face listening to my sister have sex. Let me stay a bit longer. Hopefully they’ll wear themselves out and then I can go home.”

He wasn’t making sense. “Why are you going to listen to Haven having sex at your house?”

“Could I stay with you?” he asked, and his face lit up and then fell. “No. I don’t want to listen to you and Richard going at it either. Maybe I can move in with Kate Upton. I wouldn’t mind listening to her having sex.”

He was equal parts amusing and annoying when he drank like this. I threw a cushion at him. “You’re hammered. Just go back to your place and you can have sex with your own girlfriend.”

“I need to find my own place. Will you come flat hunting with me?”

I didn’t even pretend to know what he was talking about. “I’ll make you a sandwich, and then you’re leaving.”

I set about making him a cheese sandwich, which I knew was his favorite. I didn’t often see Luke drunk since he’d left college. It wasn’t like him. And why was he going on about Haven and Jake? He seemed really out of it.

“If you feel like you’re going to throw up, then make sure you hit the bathroom,” I called into the living room.

He appeared at the door to the kitchen. “That water was good.” He refilled his glass. “You’re making me a sandwich?” He sounded a little more normal.

“Apparently I’m a sucker,” I said as I cut the bread in half, put it on a plate and handed it to him.

“I shouldn’t drink on an empty stomach.”

“You think?” I chuckled at him.

“Did I interrupt your evening?”

“Yes.” But as ever, I was delighted to see him.

“Was it a popcorn and pajamas evening?” he asked, grinning at me in a way that felt more flirtatious than he meant it to. It was just tortuous.

I laughed. “It doesn’t mean that you didn’t disrupt things.”

“I’m sorry. I just went for a few beers after work and . . . I’m trying to distract myself.” He scrubbed his face with his hands.

“Are you okay? You and Emma?”

“Yeah and you know, I know it’s the right thing, but breaking up is always difficult. We were together a long time.”

My stomach flipped over. Breaking up? I didn’t respond.