Текст книги "Calling Me Back "

Автор книги: Louise Bay

сообщить о нарушении

Текущая страница: 3 (всего у книги 7 страниц)

Luke

“Did I interrupt anything?” I asked Haven as she opened the door to her flat. I’d arrived early for Sunday dinner. I wanted to speak to her about Emma.

“No, just honeymooners having wild sex on every surface. That’s all.”

“Lalalala,” I sang as I covered my ears, following her down the hallway. “Stop it. Or I’m not going to be able to look at you, and we need to talk. Have you got a beer?” I asked as we stepped into the kitchen. I headed straight to the fridge. I rarely talked about relationship stuff with anyone. It had been more difficult to talk to Ash than I’d expected, though our brief discussion had helped. I now knew I couldn’t marry Emma just to keep her happy, as Ash had suggested. I had to want it. Hopefully, alcohol would help my words come easier.

“There are a few different kinds in there. I think Jake got you the one you like,” Haven said, stirring something in a bowl. Another good thing about my sister being married was that there was always beer at her place now. “I’m doing cheese straws.”

I took the lid off my drink and slumped onto one of the stools at the breakfast bar. “Do you want a hand?” I asked.

“Ash is cooking. This is just for fun. You concentrate on telling me what’s going on with you and Emma.”

I drew my brows together. “How do you know I want to talk about me and Emma?”

“Because I’m psychic,” she replied. “And I know you. I know how you get when you’re unhappy.”

I scowled but she wasn’t looking, too focused on the pan in front of her. “You think I’m unhappy?”

“Are you telling me you’re not?”

I thought about it. How long did she think I’d been unhappy for? This was news to me. Before Emma voiced her desire to move things on in our relationship, I’d never seen us as unhappy together; I’d not thought I was miserable.

“Emma wants to get married,” I blurted out. Haven met my eyes. She rolled her lips together as if she were stopping words from tumbling out and slowly nodded.

“Don’t you have anything to say about that?” I was expecting a bigger reaction from her. I wanted to know if she was as concerned about breaking up our routine as I was.

“Well, do you want to marry her?”

I shrugged, focusing on the outside of the pan that Haven was holding, as if staring hard enough would give me x-ray vision, and I would be able to see what she was making. Did I want to get married? Married. It was such a weird word. Married, married, married, married. I just wanted things to be how they’d always been. So, no, I didn’t want to get married. My dilemma, as I saw it, was that either way, break up or get married, I ended up unhappy.

“You can’t be surprised,” Haven said, narrowing her eyes. That was the problem. I hadn’t been expecting it at all.

“Surprised at what?” Jake boomed from behind me.

“Emma wants to get married,” Haven said.

I rolled my eyes. There really were no secrets between these guys.

“She’s given me a month to decide, or I guess we’re over.” Things had seemed almost back to normal this morning. I’d gone for a run. She’d gone to the gym. I suppose things had been a little strained, but she wasn’t shouting, so I saw that as a move forward. But realistically Pandora’s box was now firmly open, and things were never going to go back to how they were.

“Sounds like she’s serious. And you don’t want to marry her?” Jake asked.

“Well that’s the question,” Haven said.

“No, not really,” I said. “I don’t see the point. But we’ve been a couple a long time and I love her, and as much as I can’t see us getting married, splitting up would be . . .” I’d not thought much of what my life would look like without her. I mean, we lived together. I’d have to move out for one thing, so that would be a huge change for me. And the mortgage was in both of our names, and we had a joint bank account. Our finances were intertwined.

“Sounds like you shouldn’t marry her,” Jake said simply, grabbing a beer from the fridge.

“How did you work that out?” I asked.

“I’d never really thought about marrying anyone before Haven. I didn’t understand it, didn’t see the point. Then I met her and boom—it was all I thought about. I wanted to do everything I could to tell the whole fucking world she was mine. I wanted to be able to call her my wife.”

I glanced at Haven; she was trying to suppress a grin, but her dancing eyes told me how much she was enjoying what he was saying.

“If you don’t feel like that, then you shouldn’t marry her,” Jake said, taking a seat on the barstool opposite Haven.

“But not everyone’s like you, Jake. What happens if I never feel like that about anyone? I mean, it hasn’t happened so far for me. And it only happened to you and Haven because you started working together. Emma would be a good choice, in a lot of ways. She’s a good girl.”

“I get it, but you have to figure out whether you’re prepared to settle. From what you’re saying, she’s just not the right girl for you.” Haven prodded Jake’s shoulder in semi-chastisement. “I’m not saying she’s not a great girl. I have no idea—I’ve only met her a few times. All I’m saying is if you’re not wanting to frog march her down the aisle then she’s not right for you.”

I took another swig of beer. I couldn’t believe I’d ever want to march down the aisle with anyone. “We get on. I’ve been with her a long time.”

“Jesus, if you have to talk yourself into marrying her then something’s not right.” Jake said. “You’d be desperate to get married if she was the right one.”

I wasn’t sure it was as easy as Jake seemed to think. I got that he adored Haven, and I wouldn’t have it any other way, but honestly, I didn’t think it worked that way for most people.

The intercom buzzed and Haven went to answer it.

I picked at the label on my beer bottle.

“You don’t need to be a shit to her about it,” Jake said. “You know the answer, and if she isn’t what you want, then you deserve to let her go and find someone else who wants her in the way she needs.”

My heart was tight at Jake’s words. His reaction hadn’t been what I expected. I’d thought he’d tell me how great being married was and how I should do it. I guess I was hoping he’d help me see the upside, because on my own? I was struggling. It wasn’t that he wasn’t making sense—that was the problem, he made it all very clear. I didn’t have the urge to marry Emma. And if marriage was what she wanted, maybe I should let her find it with someone else.

“Seriously, dude. If you have to think about it, it’s not right,” Jake said.

Ash greeted us and helped herself to a glass of wine. I watched her as she peered into the fridge. She looked good tonight. Well, she always looked good, but she’d looked better, or different, the last few times I’d seen her. She joined us, sitting between Jake and me on the bar stools, watching Haven doing something with pastry and egg. It seemed kinda unappetizing, but I wasn’t about to tell her that.

“Are you sure you don’t need a hand with anything?” Ash asked, grimacing while she knew Haven wasn’t watching. I snorted, and Haven looked up.

“I’m sure. I’ll be out of your hair in a minute and you can do your thing,” Haven said. “How’s Richard?”

“I met him,” I interjected.

Haven stopped what she was doing, her eyes on mine. “You did?” Her gaze darted between Ash and me. “When? How come?” Haven hadn’t met Richard yet, so she was bound to be wondering why I had.

“I went to see Ash for lunch this week and we bumped into him,” I explained.

“You guys had lunch?” Haven asked. I’d expected her to focus on Richard rather than the fact that Ash and I’d had lunch. A look passed between Haven and Ash I couldn’t decipher. Was Haven pissed I got to meet him first? It wasn’t really her style.

“So, what was he like?” she finally asked.

“He didn’t have two heads.” I decided not to mention that as soon as he appeared, Ash had been out of her chair faster than a bat out of hell. I hadn’t quite worked out what had happened there. Haven rolled her eyes at me. “Well, what do you want me to say?”

“Did you like him?” Haven asked me.

“I met him for five seconds. He could be Gandhi; he could be Charles Manson. But he seemed like a decent guy and Ash has good taste in everything so . . .”

“Is he the one?” Jake asked. “I’m a convert to the theory of there being such a thing as the one.”

“Obviously,” Ash replied.

“Obviously he’s the one?” I asked as my gut twisted. Had Ash found her future husband? It hadn’t occurred to me that that’s what she’d been looking for. If that was the case, I wanted to know more about him. Was he good enough for her? Did he deserve her?

Could he make her laugh the way I did?

She smiled. “I meant obviously Jake believes in all that. See the pair of them.” She lifted her chin toward Haven and Jake, who were throwing each other little glances.

“And you don’t believe in all that?” I was suddenly fascinated by what her response would be.

I willed her to look at me, but she stared into her glass. “Yeah, I believe in it.”

Ashleigh

The boys had gone to watch sports, and I knew I was about to face an interrogation from Haven. “So you two had lunch?”

I tried to brush it off. It really was no big deal. “Yeah, Luke called and asked me at the last minute. We used to do it all the time. It’s not like I crossed some morally reprehensible line for lunching with your brother.”

Haven cocked her head. “I haven’t said a word. Do you think you might be a tad defensive? I just thought you were making room in your life for Richard, that’s all. I want you to be happy.”

“I saw Richard last night. There is plenty of room for him.”

Haven tapped the side of the pan with her wooden spoon. “And how’s the sex? Has it improved?”

“I don’t remember saying it needed improving on.” I threw a glance over my shoulder to check the boys weren’t listening.

Haven raised her eyebrows at me. I think I had said something like that, but hearing her say it sounded bad. Richard was a good guy.

“It’s not bad. He’s sweet and caring and very attentive,” I said. The sex had been . . . nice. But it was true, my world had not been rocked.

“And you want him to shove you against the wall and fuck you properly,” Haven replied. She’d hit the nail on the head, as always.

I sighed. “Maybe. I mean, he’s great in so many ways. I really should like him more than I do. He’s nice to me; he’s good looking; he has a good job. It’s just . . . there’s something that’s not quite right, like I’m not quite feeling it. But then maybe I won’t feel it, right? Or maybe it will come with time.” I wanted her reassurance that staying with Richard was what I should be doing, because I wasn’t sure. Should I want fireworks? Is that what would make me happy? All these years of loving Luke hadn’t done it. Wanting more than Richard seemed selfish and immature when everything about him was so great . . . at least on paper.

“But whatever it is, you feel that for Luke?” she asked. We rarely talked openly about how I seriously I felt about Luke. I joked around with him, told him we’d get married someday, called him handsome, that kind of thing. And sometimes he’d flirt back. It was our game, or it had been. I didn’t do it so much anymore. The difference between Luke and I was that my mock flirting was covering real feelings. Feelings I’d had since that day under the magnolia tree. Along the way, I’d fallen in love with Luke. I’d given him my heart. Luke was the fireworks, but I couldn’t will him to feel that way about me. And he was almost certainly about to get married.

I shrugged. “It doesn’t matter what I feel for Luke. I know he sees me as his little sister. I’ve accepted that, which is why I’m dating Richard.” I wasn’t sure I had managed to fully wrestle my heart away from Luke, but I was trying. Maybe I just needed to give Richard and me more time. Maybe I needed to know him better, know him the way I knew Luke.

“I think that’s a great idea. He and Emma have been together a long time, and she’s in her early thirties—her biological clock is bound to start ticking sooner rather than later.”

My heart started thundering at Haven’s words. Had he agreed to marry her? Did Haven know something? “He told me that he’s feeling some pressure to move things on,” I said.

She blushed and looked away. “He told you?”

“Yeah, it’s what we talked about at lunch.”

“Right. What do you think?”

My stomach flipped over, once then twice. Fuck, I hated thinking about it, but more than anything, I wanted him to be happy. “I think he needs to decide either way—shit or get off the pot. He must love her. They’ve been a couple for ages. Whatever makes him happy.”

Haven pushed her lips together. “Yeah, you’re right. I just don’t think . . . Anyway. Back to you. Maybe Richard’s just not the right guy for you. You need chemistry. It’s not all about ticking things off a list. Just because he meets some arbitrary criteria doesn’t mean you’re destined for each other,” she said.

“Destined?” Had she really just said that? She’d become such a sap since she’d married Jake.

“You know what I’m trying to say.” She laughed. “It doesn’t mean you have to spend the rest of your life with a man just because he fits the description.”

“He wants us to go away next weekend. To the Lake District. So I guess it will be good to have that time together. Hopefully I’ll figure out if there’s a future for us.”

“And if there isn’t, maybe you’ll meet someone if you do that course you were talking about.”

I turned the base of my wineglass on the counter, watching as the alcohol crept up the edges of the glass with the movement. “Yeah, I need to work out whether or not I’m going to apply.”

“Apply for what?” Luke asked, poking me in the waist as he walked toward the fridge.

“Did I tell you?” I asked him. “I’m thinking about doing an MBA.”

“You are? Wow,” he said as he turned his attention away from refrigerator. He rarely shaved on a Sunday, and the stubble on his jaw looked long enough to feel good against my skin. I needed to focus.

“You think I shouldn’t?” I asked. I hadn’t mentioned it to Richard because I hadn’t decided whether or not I should apply yet.

“God, no. I think it would be awesome. You should definitely do it. Do you want to change jobs, or will it help you get promoted and stuff?” he asked, setting two cold beers on the counter and staring at me.

“If I really want to be a director of nursing in a hospital, then it’s what they look for, and if I want to get out of nursing and do something wider in healthcare, I guess it will help too. We can’t stay still, can we? I can’t be wiping puke from my uniform for the rest of my career.”

His eyes were bright and his whole body seemed focused on me. I loved it when I had his full attention. “How come you haven’t told me about this? When do you start?”

Haven pretended not to watch us as she set about slicing the onions I’d asked her to deal with.

“I haven’t decided whether or not I should do it.”

“Why wouldn’t you? I mean, I think you’re totally awesome at wiping vomit and myriad of other bodily fluids from your uniform, and I’m sure your patients would miss you, but you’re a smart girl. You can do anything you want to.”

“You think? I mean, I know I’m a good nurse, but I worried that in a class with a bunch of crazy-clever people, I would . . .” Look foolish? Be the class dunce?

“You’re crazy clever. You could have done anything you wanted in your career. You can hold your own against a room full of management consultants. The thing is your heart is even bigger than your brain. That’s why you’re a nurse.”

I loved that that’s how he saw me. Luke always knew the right thing to say, and when he put it like that, I didn’t have a good reason not to apply, apart from the cost. I shrugged. “I have to sit a test and fill out an application form. The deadline is coming up.”

“You’d start in January?”

I nodded.

“Isn’t this great, Haven?” Luke asked.

“Yeah, she should totally do it.”

I grinned at them both. If I told them I was going to fly to the moon, they’d think it was a wonderful idea.

As promised, Richard had arranged a weekend in the Lake District for us. He picked a beautiful country hotel that felt as if it was in the middle of nowhere. I couldn’t have asked for a more romantic setting.

“Wow, what a view,” I said, staring out of our bedroom window across the mountains and down to the lake. I loved the way the sun turned everything yellow before it hit the horizon.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Richard asked as he came up behind me and put his hands around my waist. It didn’t feel entirely natural, but it wasn’t unpleasant. Just unfamiliar.

“How did you find this place?”

“A guy at work had his honeymoon here.”

I could see why. Our room was huge, but cozy with an open fire and a four-poster bed. It was something that would pop up if you typed romantic country hotel into Google. In the same way, if you typed romantic, attentive, kind and generous man into Google, Richard would pop up. He was all those things.

“I thought we could just hang out here for the night. The restaurant downstairs is meant to be good. I made reservations for eight if that works for you.”

“Sure,” I said as I laid my head back on his chest. He was so thoughtful and kind.

“Or we don’t have to go anywhere. I’m sure they do room service.” He swept my hair to one side and pressed his lips to my neck.

We were three months in and this was our first weekend away together. I should be desperate to keep room service busy, but I didn’t feel like that. It wasn’t that I couldn’t bear for him to touch me. When he kissed me, it felt nice. I was just ambivalent about his touch. About him really. I didn’t miss him when he wasn’t there, and I didn’t get excited to see him—though when I did, I had a nice time. Hopefully, now that things between us were getting more serious, my feelings would grow. But Haven’s words echoed through my head—maybe he just wasn’t the right man for me.

My phone rang and although I didn’t move to answer it, Richard released his hold around my waist. “You get that and I’ll grab a quick shower,” he said, then planted a kiss on my cheek.

Luke’s name was flashing on the screen. Talk about timing.

“Hey,” I said. Why was he was calling me?

“Hi, I’m at the supermarket. What wine did Haven say I should bring on Sunday?” The noise of the shoppers echoed behind him.

“Why would I know?” The shower began running in the bathroom, and I relaxed a little. It felt weird to be speaking to Luke while I was away with Richard. I went back to the window, not wanting to waste the view.

“You were there, weren’t you?”

“I don’t remember. But buy the pinot noir. Even if it’s not the right one, she’ll still like it.”

“Okay. And I need to ask you a favor.”

My stomach clenched. Was he going to tell me he was engaged and wanted me to do a reading at his wedding?

“I have this work thing. Like an awards ceremony. Will you come with me? It’s black tie and everything.” Over the years, I’d got used to accompanying him to events like this. But I’d not done it for a while. Not since he moved in with Emma.

I shifted my weight from one foot to the other. I was pleased he was asking me, but I knew I shouldn’t go. “Why can’t Emma go with you?”

“She’s working.”

I rested my forehead on the cool glass in front of me. I wanted to go. And that was the difference. If Richard were asking, I’d say yes, but I wouldn’t really want to. If I went with Luke, we’d laugh all night and have the best time. “When is it?” I asked. I should say no. I should come up with an excuse. Spending time with Luke wasn’t going to make me like Richard more, and that’s what I needed to do.

“It’s four weeks from today. Please say you’ll come. I can’t bear these things, and you’ll make it fun.”

“Can’t Haven go?”

“I’m not taking my sister. How pathetic do you want me to look?” he asked.

I smiled. “I thought I was meant to be like a sister to you.” I was prodding him, verging on flirting. I shouldn’t be.

“Well, you are like a sister, but in an ‘it’s legal’ way. No one has to know I’ve seen you pee yourself. We could pass as a couple.” I’d long passed the point where playing at being a couple was enough for me. I needed something real.

“Jesus, I was five. Are you ever going to let me forget it?” Luke had been peeing on my mother’s roses, and I’d thought I would join the fun but ended up with wet underwear and a scolding from my mother. Luke had laughed until his eyes almost popped out of his head.

“I wouldn’t hold your breath.”

“I’ll check my schedule. I won’t know if I’m working until next week.” How did Emma have her schedule already? She worked at the same group of hospitals, and doctors and nurses got their schedules four weeks in advance. Surely she couldn’t know yet.

“You’re the best. I’ll see you Sunday.”

I shook my head at his assumption that I would end up going with him. “I won’t be there on Sunday, but I’ll let you know.”

“You won’t? What are you doing?” he asked.

I hesitated for a split second then decided to be honest. “I’m away for the weekend. With Richard.”

“Oh, right. So . . . So it’s serious then?”

I didn’t want to get into this with him. “I told you, we’ve been going out three months. It’s three-months serious. Not you-and-Emma serious.”

He didn’t say anything.

“I’ll speak to you next week,” I said.

“Yeah, okay.” There was something in his voice that hadn’t been there before. I couldn’t quite identify it, but he sounded uncertain.

The shower turned off, and I shoved my phone back in my bag just before Richard came out in his robe.

“Nice threads,” I said.

“Thanks. There are his and hers on the back of the door.” He straightened the front of the robe to show me the word “hers” embroidered on the breast pocket.

I wanted to ask him if he’d left his penis back in London. I smirked at my own joke, but I wasn’t sure Richard would find it funny. “Did you get the wrong robe?” I asked.

He stood in front of me, pulling at my waistband. “No,” he said, moving toward me. “I wore it because I’m hers. Yours.” He pressed his lips against mine, and I put my arms around his neck and closed my eyes, allowing our tongues to meet. “I’m all yours.”

And that was the problem. I wasn’t all his, but I was trying to be.