Текст книги "Vintage (Volume Two)"

Автор книги: Lisa Suzanne

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Текущая страница: 7 (всего у книги 13 страниц)

fifteen

I tucked my head into the little nook my arms created. I felt cold. Ice cold. Like I’d never be warm again.

Parker slipped into bed beside me and simply held me. He provided body heat, but it wasn’t enough to warm my chilled skin.

I couldn’t get George’s words out of my head. They echoed on repeat, and every time the word “dead” repeated, goose bumps broke out across my skin.

It had only been a few hours since I’d learned the news.

I couldn’t cry. I couldn’t throw up. I couldn’t talk about it.

I could only catalog my feelings in my mind. I had the Parker category, which meant happiness and warmth and love. Despite the fact that he was beside me, working his hardest to warm me, the drawer to his compartment was closed.

But Damien’s drawer was wide fucking open.

Damien’s drawer represented loss, depression, and darkness.

I couldn’t help but think of the dark times as I reminisced about our relationship, but that only made me feel guilty.

Certainly it was wrong to think ill of the dead, but Damien had been dead to me for almost a year.

I wasn’t sure if the chill that racked my body was because Damien was dead or because of my resentment and my subsequent feelings of guilt.

I didn’t get the chance to say goodbye to him. Maybe it hadn’t been the kind of love I shared with Parker, but it had been something. We had substance together. He’d been my best friend for a long time, and I had loved him in my own way. It wasn’t a forever kind of love like I shared with Parker, but it was still love.

And even though it was his own fault that he left me, and even though I no longer blamed myself for it, I still couldn’t help the terror of knowing I’d officially lost two of the people who were most important to me.

I wanted to protect Parker from the curse of being close to me, but it was far too late for that. We were both in too deep, and I knew nothing I could say or do would push him away. I didn’t want to push him away.

So instead of being weak and fighting him and playing games with our lives, I was going to be honest with him. I was going to make sure that he knew the rule of threes. I was going to make sure that he was fully aware of the danger being with me could bring to him.

As I shook in bed from the cold or the guilt or the fear, I wished I could form the words to warn him.

The only other time I could think of when I’d been unable to speak from trembling so hard was when I’d drank too much one night. I remembered a horrible night of shaking in my bed. The room spun around me, just as it had the night I’d been drunk. Only this time, I didn’t have the pleasure of a night of drinking. Last time, at least I’d been able to throw it up to get it out of my system. I wasn’t sure how to get the guilt and remorse and sadness I felt out of my system.

My teeth chattered, and I knew that talking would be impossible.

So our conversation would have to wait until morning.

sixteen

Morning came at three o’clock, apparently. I woke up in a cold sweat. Parker had piled blankets on me to try to warm me, and once I’d fallen asleep tangled in my fiancé, his heat plus the heat from the blankets was overbearing.

I must’ve fallen asleep, because I woke up from a nightmare. In it, Damien and Katie stood by a doorway surrounded in white clouds. They were beckoning Parker to come with them.

I shook Parker awake, tears finally streaming down my cheeks. It felt good to cry, but the dream had terrified me enough to push me out of the cold shakes. I needed to tell Parker what was going through my mind. I needed to tell him about that dream.

“What?” he mumbled. I kept shaking him. “Are you okay?” he finally asked, his voice groggy.

“No,” I cried out, a louder sob than I’d intended.

He reached to the bedside table and flicked on the light.

He leaned up against the headboard and pulled me against his chest.

“What’s going on?” he asked, his voice gentle and soothing. He was always so much more than I deserved.

“I’m so scared, Parker,” I sobbed into his chest. He stroked my back comfortingly while I cried into him.

“I’ve got you. You don’t have to be scared of Randy.”

“It’s not that.”

“Then what is it, baby?” he crooned softly.

“I’m not scared for me. I’m scared for you.”

“I’m right here. I’m safe.”

“You don’t get it. That’s what I thought about Katie and Damien, too, and now you’re the third. You’re the third person who became the most important person in my world, and bad things always happen in threes.” I paused for a moment to let out a sob that I couldn’t control. “I’m terrified you’re next.”

“You don’t need to worry about me. Your dad is taking all sorts of precautions. We’re both safe. I’m not going anywhere.”

He could say that all he wanted, but he had no control over fate. And I was fully convinced that fate was working against me to take everything precious.

Just like I’d told Parker, life was a series of tragedies. And I was terrified that the next tragedy would somehow involve him.

When I awoke later that morning, I knew that I would be worthless at Vintage for the day. Part of me wanted to go in just to escape my own head, but the other part of me wanted to hold Parker close by my side for the entire day.

I called into work. I spoke with Tim, who expressed his condolences and told me not to worry about my shift. Virginia would cover for me.

I snuggled back into Parker, glad to feel his warmth beside me.

I loved him, and I was ready to begin my future with him. I didn’t want to wait a second longer to be his wife, especially not when I thought about Damien’s passing. He was only a year older than me, dead at twenty-three. It was such a waste of a beautiful soul. He had so much ahead of him, and he’d simply gotten into a bad situation with the wrong people.

It was a tragic reminder about how short this life was.

But that was the thing… Life wasn’t just too short.

It was too unpredictable.

It was too volatile and precious to waste away when your heart knew what it wanted.

Maybe I wasn’t the one who pulled the trigger, but Damien had met Randy through my dad, and he’d met my dad through me. So if I was out of the equation, Damien would be living and breathing somewhere in California instead of dead in Connecticut. I couldn’t help but take some of the blame for what happened to him.

A fresh wave of tears came at that thought. I wasn’t sure how I’d ever feel normal again. I wasn’t sure how I’d ever get past the awful guilt that seeped into every cell of my blood.

Parker sat up in the bed beside me. He didn’t speak. Instead, he pulled me into him. He seemed to instinctively know what I needed, and at that moment, it was him. Just the feel of his arms around me was enough to comfort me.

“I love you, Jimi.”

“I love you, too.”

“I don’t want to wait to marry you. Life’s too goddamn short.”

I looked up at him. “It’s like you read my mind.”

“Did you call in today?”

I nodded.

“Let’s make plans today, then. Let’s set a date. And let’s see if we can stop by Vintage and talk to Barry.”

“Today?” I suddenly felt rushed, but he was absolutely right. Life was too short to waste what precious little time we had, so if we wanted to get married, we would get married. If we wanted to buy Vintage, we’d buy Vintage.

And apparently we’d get it all taken care of in one short day.

I untangled myself from Parker and threw off the blankets.

“Where are you going?”

“Shower. If we’re planning a wedding and buying a store today, I at least need to shower first.”

He chuckled. “Wait a second,” he said, and I stopped mid-stride on my way to the bathroom.

“What?”

“Do you ever get one of those little waves in your chest where you realize how much you fucking love someone else and how much you never want to be without that person? Because I get those for you all the time.”

Despite the gravity of the night before and the catastrophe of losing someone I cared about, Parker managed to get my heart beating faster again.

“I just got one,” I answered. “Just this very second.”

I turned toward the bathroom for my shower. I heard a joyous laugh follow behind me, and that euphoric feeling of being in love lanced through me.

As awful as what had happened to Damien was, and for as much guilt as I felt, I had something to look ahead to. Many things, actually. And as long as I kept Parker close, at least until someone found Randy, everything was going to be okay.

I kept that thought in my mind while I showered, trying to focus on the truth in it.

The steam from the shower helped my guilty feelings. As much as I wanted to blame myself, it was Damien’s bad decisions that had gotten him into trouble. Nothing I could have done would have changed that. Deep down, I’d always known that. It just took realizing it in the quiet moments I had alone in the shower.

I met Parker at my kitchen table. He was munching on some cereal he’d found in one of my cabinets.

“Want anything?” he asked. I shook my head. I just wasn’t hungry. I couldn’t work up an appetite with everything going on. It was like I was being pushed and pulled in a million different directions at one time.

“So wedding date,” he began, and then he shoved a spoonful of cereal into his mouth. I raised an eyebrow at him. He chewed and swallowed before he continued.

“Let’s get planning. Neither of us wants to wait. It only takes a few days to get a marriage license. Fitz is working on a tour with our manager, and it looks like we’re hitting the road for a college campus tour in the fall. Probably end of August through mid-October. Life’s moving too fast and all I know is that I need you to be my wife.”

He was right. Neither of us wanted to wait, and if he was going back on tour, I loved the idea of getting married before he left. That gave us at least five weeks to figure it out.

Shit.

Five weeks.

That sounded way too fast.

And then Parker shot my five weeks being too fast theory right into the ground.

“We’ll be in the studio until we head out on tour. We’re set to finish the album we started before we left for the Black Shadow tour. I’ve got the next two weeks off before all that starts. Let’s get married next Saturday at your dad’s house. Then we can take a week for our honeymoon before I have to be back in the studio.”

Did I hear that right?

“Next Saturday?” My voice was an octave too high and a decibel too loud.

Parker laughed. “Not soon enough?”

“Parker, I need to find a dress. I need to invite people. I need to book flowers and music and food. I can’t pull that together in six days.”

“Are you kidding me? You are aware that your father could buy the world if he wanted to, aren’t you?”

A frisson of fear darted through me. He knew what my dad was worth. Why did he bring it up?

I pushed the insecurities to the back of my mind. Parker wasn’t marrying me because of my father. He’d more than proven his love for me over the past couple of months.

But it was still difficult for me to believe that someone loved me just for me.

“What?” Parker asked me.

“Nothing,” I muttered.

“Hey,” he said, putting his spoon down. He took my chin between his fingertips and forced me to look up at him. “What are you thinking?”

“Just my insecurities.”

He looked confused for a minute, as if he was thinking back over what he’d just said.

“Do you know that I fall more in love with you every day?” he asked me, his eyes genuine as they focused on mine.

“You know I’m right there with you, don’t you?”

He nodded, and then he stood and pulled me up with him. He wrapped his arms around me, and I rested my head against his chest.

“I have a little story for you,” he said. His chest rumbled against my cheek at the deep timber of his voice. He didn’t wait for my response before he continued. “As you know, I didn’t grow up with parents who had a great marriage. I’m not even sure if they really loved each other. It seemed more like tolerance. They were used to each other, and it was easier to stay together. Their relationship taught me that it would never be okay just to settle. I know what I want out of a marriage, and it definitely isn’t what they had. I plan to get married once. Only once. It will be forever. And I plan on that happening with you, because once you know, you just know. And I know. I’m sure.”

“I’m sure, too,” I said, tears filling my eyes.

“So next weekend. If it’s not good with you, the weekend after that. And if you want to wait longer, I’ll wait longer.”

I leaned back to look up at him. He was, as always, strikingly handsome. Scruff lined his jaw, and his hair was a mess, but his brown eyes looked upon my blue ones with so much love that I could practically swim in it.

I pressed my palms on his chest. I could feel the steadying beat of his heart under my hand. Solid beats created a rhythm that was the symphony of my dreams.

I was suddenly certain that everything would fall into place just as it was supposed to.

“Next weekend,” I said.

“Next weekend?” he repeated.

A smile broke out on my face. “Oh fuck, Parker. We have a lot to do!”

He grinned, kissed me, and we both sat back down at the table to get to work.

seventeen

By lunchtime, we had booked an appointment at a wedding dress boutique and a florist, we’d talked Flashing Light into performing, and, most importantly, we had my father’s approval to use his house for the ceremony and reception.

My dad spoke to us both privately, and he asked me if I was sure this was what I wanted. He was worried that I was rushing into it because of Damien, and while Damien’s death had certainly shown me how short life was, it wasn’t why I wanted to marry Parker. I was marrying Parker because I loved him. I wanted to be Mrs. James. I wanted to be partners in life and work and love. And I couldn’t wait for all of that to start.

Parker’s words echoed in my mind: “Once you know, you just know. And I know.”

I was as confidently certain as he was. And that’s how I knew that we were doing this the right way. Other people might not see it as right, but we did. It was our way, and that was all that mattered.

My dad volunteered to get in touch with Delilah, the woman who had coordinated his wedding to Jadyn. As much as I wanted nothing to do with Jadyn, I had to appreciate the offer. If we had under a week, we would definitely need the help. My dad also offered to fly in any guests who we wanted to attend. He said he would foot the bill for all of it, and he wouldn’t put up with any arguments.

It was his actions that showed me that even though this was happening at an extremely rapid pace, he approved. I’d known he approved of Parker, but he was even okay with a week-long engagement. And that told me that he really knew Parker. He knew his heart—who he was as a man—and he trusted Parker to take care of his only daughter.

I knew I had to call my mother next, but I had to do one important thing before I made that call.

I walked over to my pantry and pulled out the lone bottle of scotch. Parker looked at me with curiosity. I unscrewed the cap and took a swig. Parker laughed, and I looked at him with a raised eyebrow. “You want one?”

“Are you planning on having me talk to her?”

I shrugged. “If you want to.”

“Will I need it talking to her for the first time?”

“I need it talking to her any time.”

That earned a belly laugh from Parker, and I couldn’t help the smile that formed on my lips any time I heard his hearty laugh.

I pulled up my mother’s contact information on my phone while Parker took a swig of scotch.

Little pieces of my relationship with my mother flashed through my mind as I stared at her contact information for a few seconds.

She’d been absent for much of my childhood. I always thought of her as my birth mother, not the kind and caring sort of mother that children deserved. I never really had that. The final straw in our relationship had come during my freshman year in high school. It was my first Homecoming dance, and a cute boy I’d had a crush on had asked me to the dance. I’d asked my mom if we could go shopping for a dress, and she sent me along with a driver and told me to pick out whatever I wanted.

What I really wanted was a mom who wanted to shop for the goddamn dress with me.

I didn’t dislike her. I didn’t resent her. She was part of my life when she wanted to be, and I’d grown to accept that about our relationship. At least I had my dad, and even though he pissed me off to the extreme sometimes, I knew I’d always have him. He cared about me. He’d have gone dress shopping with me if he’d have been in town. That was just the kind of dad he was.

When I’d come home from my dress excursion, excited that I’d found a dress in my favorite color, I modeled it for my mom. When I emerged in excitement from my bedroom, my mother informed me that the pale blue color I’d chosen had washed me out and made my skin look pasty.

I could only imagine how this conversation was going to go.

I drew in a deep breath and clicked the call button.

It rang four times and went to voicemail.

Fantastic.

Now she’d call me back whenever she pleased and I’d be caught off guard—and most likely sober.

“Mother, it’s your daughter Roxanna. I have some news to share with you. Please call me at your earliest convenience.”

I hung up.

“So formal,” Parker commented.

“She’s not very motherly, in case you haven’t gotten the memo.”

“Yeah, I kinda figured. You ready to head over to Vintage?” he asked.

I nodded. I’d called the store to see if Barry was in, and by some stroke of luck, he was. I told Virginia to book me an appointment with him.

More formalities when we were used to casual operations.

On our twenty-five minute drive over, we talked wedding details and I made a few calls to let some extended family know that this was happening. Both of my grandparents on my mom’s side and my grandfather on my dad’s side had passed away before I even knew them. My grandma on my dad’s side was still alive. She lived in San Francisco, and we tended to get together on holidays and special occasions. She was a typical grandma—not what you would expect of the mother of one of the most famous rock stars on earth.

My mom was an only child, like me, and my dad had one younger brother who had died of a drug overdose in the late nineties. It taught my dad a thing or two about the dangers of drugs. I had a couple of cousins on that side of my family, but that was it as far as family was concerned. I didn’t even really care if my cousins attended. An invitation would be more out of obligation than actually wanting them there.

Parker told me that the only family he wanted there was Kimmy and his brothers in Flashing Light.

“Maid of honor?” Parker asked on our way to Vintage.

I laughed.

That was a great question. I wasn’t close to any girls. I didn’t count Virginia or Vanessa among my friends, really. They were friends of convenience. I just didn’t trust people. I didn’t let them in.

“I don’t have anyone I’d want to stand up with me.”

“Then we don’t have to.”

“Do you?”

“I make my living with three other men who are my best friends. But if you want it to be just us, it’ll be just us. I want what you want.”

I reached over and squeezed his hand, and he glanced away from the road for just a second to meet my eyes. I saw everything I needed to see there.

“Tell me more about the guys. I feel like I know nothing about that part of your life.”

He chuckled. “Well, you know Vinnie’s an asshole.”

I nodded. “Tell me about Fitz and Garrett.”

“Fitz is one of the nicest guys I’ve ever met. He’s one of those people who will do anything for anybody. And Garrett is quiet. He loves video games and brewing his own beer.”

“So Vinnie’s the asshole, Fitz is the nice one, and Garrett is the quiet one. Which one are you?”

He winked in my direction. “The sexy one.”

I couldn’t argue there.

We walked into the store that I hoped to someday own. Bruno walked in behind us and stood by the door. Tim gave me a hug, fairly unconcerned about the fact that he was embracing me in front of the man I was going to marry. When I’d called in that morning, I’d told him about Damien’s death. Tim knew Damien from when Damien and I were together. They had actually been friends once upon a time. Not close friends, particularly given Tim’s crush on me, but casual acquaintances at the very least.

“I’m so sorry,” he said, his voice consoling.

“Thanks. It’s a shock, but I’m dealing.”

“You’re here to talk to Barry?” he asked.

I nodded.

“Mind if I ask what about?” He looked anxious.

I didn’t think it was an appropriate time to let him know that I was planning to buy the store. “I’d rather not say.”

“Just tell me you aren’t leaving.”

“I’m not leaving.”

He smiled at me, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “I can never tell if you’re just telling me what I want to hear or if you’re being real.”

“Time will tell,” I said cryptically, and then I led Parker to Barry’s office located off of the side of the break room.

Barry was sitting in his chair behind his desk. He was rubbing his forehead like he had a bad headache. His glasses sat on the desk in front of him.

I knocked on the doorframe. He opened his eyes and looked in my direction. “Come on in,” he said. He rubbed his eyes and put his glasses back in place.

Parker closed the door, and then the two of us sat in the chairs that faced Barry’s desk.

“What can I do for you?” he asked.

I glanced at Parker nervously, and he gave me an encouraging nod.

“Two things, actually.”

Barry looked at me expectantly.

“First, Parker and I are getting married. This coming Saturday.”

He smiled broadly. “Congratulations. Take the rest of the week off, obviously. And whenever your honeymoon falls, too. We’ll figure out coverage.”

“Thank you,” I said, knowing that was what he’d say. It felt good to tell someone whose immediate reaction wasn’t to judge the speed at which we’d decided to wed.

“So my little Roxy girl is getting married,” he mused. He looked at Parker. “You better treat her right.”

“Always, sir.” Parker’s dark eyes were full of love when they met mine.

But it was time to get to the root of why we had asked for this meeting. “I have a confession to make, Barry.”

He raised his eyebrows toward me, and for the first time, I noticed how incredibly stressed he looked. His wrinkles that typically made him look jolly now just made him look withdrawn and weak. He looked like he’d lost some weight, and dark circles shadowed his normally bright eyes.

He didn’t say anything, so I continued. “I saw an email come through on your computer the other day when we were talking about schedules. I didn’t mean to look, but it popped up.”

He looked momentarily angry. “What email?”

“From a lawyer. About bankruptcy.”

Barry sighed, and an awkward silence descended.

I was about to continue when Barry spoke first.

“I figured I couldn’t hide it much longer. I’m glad you’re the first one, Roxy, because I trust you. I know you love this store as much as I do, but it’s been losing money for a long time. I’ve put everything I have back into it. Everything. I’m broke. The business is broke. I’m going to have to shut down.”

“That’s why I’m here.” I looked over at Parker again and cleared my throat. “Why we are here.”

Parker nodded and smiled encouragingly.

“Barry, I want to buy Vintage from you. I want to run this place. You know how much I love it, and I want to save it.”

“Oh, Roxy, I can’t let you do that. I can’t. It’s in the hole more than you know. I haven’t turned a profit in thirteen months. It’s not worth it.”

My heart started beating faster. The thought that he might not accept my offer never for even a second had entered my mind. “Money doesn’t matter. I’ll put in whatever I need to because it’s worth it to me. I love this place. This has been a home to me for a long time, Barry, and I can’t just watch it die.”

“It’s already dead, honey.” His voice was gentle, but the underlying meaning tore at my heart.

I was persistent. “I need this. I know I can save this.”

“I love your enthusiasm, but there isn’t much left to save.”

“This place is worth a lot. To more than just me.”

“You can’t count Tim and Virginia. Or even the part timers. Besides, there’s very little inventory left. You’d be starting from scratch. I’m not trying to be harsh, but do you even know how to run a business?”

“If I may, sir,” Parker interjected, “that’s where I come in. I have experience working with bankrupt companies. The two of us are partners in this, and we agree that this place is worth it.”

Barry sighed again. “I’ll have to think about it. Talk to my lawyer, run some numbers, that kind of thing.”

I smiled, the fear of him saying no replaced with hope. And a little bit of giddiness.

His eyes narrowed at my smile. “I didn’t say yes, Roxy. I said I’ll think about it.”

“I know. And that’s good enough for me for now.” It wasn’t, but I had to keep the positivity up.

He shook his head and pressed his lips together. “Thank you for the offer. I will get back to you in a few days.” It was an effective dismissal.

Parker and I stood and headed toward the door. With my hand on the knob, I turned around. I needed to say one more thing before I left, because if I didn’t, I knew I’d always regret it. I had to throw my petition out there one last time.

“Thank you for talking to us. This is my dream, Barry, and I know that you understand how much I love this place. I love it as much as you do. It’s worth it to me, no matter the price and no matter the risk.”

He nodded, tossed his glasses on the desk in front of him, and went back to rubbing his forehead.

I knew we’d thrown a wrench into whatever plan he had for Vintage, but I could only pray that my plea would work. I had to hope that he’d be willing to let me take on the risk.