Текст книги "The Story Of Us"
Автор книги: Lesley Jones
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Текущая страница: 18 (всего у книги 24 страниц)
I walk past every one, go straight to my bathroom and turn on the shower, I turn the water around to hot, take off my clothes and step under, adjusting the water so that it’s as hot as I can bear it. I want to curl up in a ball and cry. I didn’t mean to be selfish, and I didn’t mean to hurt anyone or make them worry. I didn’t know Cam loved me, I didn’t know my family had been so concerned for so long but at the end of the day, is ignorance any kind of defence or am I just a stupid, spoiled twenty year old, who thought she knew it all?
I slide down the wall, bring my knees up to my chest and wrap my arms around them.
I’m not sure how long I spend sitting on the shower floor but when I eventually get out, Sean is sitting on the edge of the bath holding a towel. He stands and wraps it around me and just holds me tight, he grabs another from the rack and starts to rub my hair dry with it. I’ve stopped crying but my jaw is still quivering and you can hear it in my voice when I say to Sean, “I’m so sorry.”
He pulls me in tighter and kisses the top of my head. “Let’s go to bed,” is all that he says. I climb into bed and sit and dry my hair as I watch him take off his clothes, he strips totally naked and climbs into bed next to me, pulling me to him. I feel safe, warm and loved, which is probably more than I deserve. “Dya wanna tell me about it?”
I shake my head. “Not yet.”
“I was so worried G, I don’t think I’ve ever been so scared in all my life. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know where to start and what scared me more was how worried your Dad was.” Once again I remain silent.
“Sean?”
“Gia?”
“Make love to me?”
He kisses me gently on the mouth, his hands tangle in my damp hair, he pushes me gently over onto my back and slides down my body and starting with the soles of my feet, he kisses his way back up my legs, bending my knees and spreading me open, kissing, licking and sucking me into my first orgasm, then up and over my belly, onto my boobs, he bites down gently on first one nipple, then the other. He keeps climbing up my body, until eventually he’s straddling my chest. I take his cock in my hand and stroke him. He brushes his thumb over my bottom lip as he looks down into my eyes.
“Squeeze your tits together,” he whispers. He places his cock between my tits while I squeeze them like he told me, he strokes himself right down at the base, all the while, he’s staring into my eyes. “God you look fuckin’ beautiful right now.”
I give him a small smile, I don’t want him to be nice to me, I want him to be rough and cause me pain. “Fuck my arse,” I say to him.
“What?”
“I want you in my arse, now.” He stills for a few seconds, his eyes fully focused on mine, then rolls to the side.
“Turn over.”
He climbs off the bed and goes into the bathroom, returning a few seconds later and puts something down on the bedside table. He lays down flat on top of me at first, just stroking up and down the backs of my arms, he kisses the back of my neck and my shoulders, then all the way down my spine, he pushes my legs apart with his. “Pull your knees underneath you babe, arse in the air, keep your legs open wide.”
I do exactly as he says; his fingers gently stroke down from the back of my neck, down my spine, over each of my arse cheeks, then through the middle of them, he uses his hands to spread me open and I can feel the calluses on his fingers caused by years of playing the guitar and of all the sensations firing through me right now, it’s that one that makes me groan, it’s so Sean, so unique to Sean. He licks me, from back to front and then back again, his tongue flicks in and around my hole, while he uses his middle finger to rub my clit. “Fuck, Sean.”
“That feel good G?”
“Yeah.”
“We’ve got no lube so I’m gonna use Vaseline, keep still for me.” I remain perfectly still while I listen to him unscrew the jar of Vaseline, then he’s back, he starts with just one finger, he rubs it gently in circles, around and around.
“Open your legs wider baby, push your arse higher and relax, you look so beautiful right now, so fuckin’ beautiful.” He pushes one finger inside me, and then adds another. “That okay, tell me if it hurts?”
I’m biting down so hard on my bottom lip that it actually hurts when I release it, so I suck it to relieve the pain. “Gia, am I hurting you? Tell me baby and I’ll stop.”
“No, no, fuck no.” He pulls his fingers out, and then rubs his cock up and down my arse crack; he stops and nudges against me. “I love you baby, please tell me you really wanna do this, you know I love you right? Don’t do this if you don’t wanna.”
I look around at him from over my shoulder. “When do I ever do anything I don’t wanna?” He gives me his ‘front of a magazine cover pout’ then winks at me; he wraps his hand around my hair and yanks my hair back roughly. “I fuckin’ love you Georgia Rae, now I’m gonna fuck your arse and make you scream.”
He eases inside me slowly as he talks, “Fuck, you’re tight baby.”
He pulls me up so that I’m almost sitting on his knees, his knees between my open legs from behind, he reaches around me and gently rubs my clit, his mouth is at my ear and I tilt my head to the side so that I can feel his hot breath on me as he speaks, “You’re in control Georgia, ride me, go at your speed baby.”
I grind gently onto him, enjoying the full sensation, it’s different but it’s nice. “You want my fingers in your cunt?” Oh God, just him saying that word has me groaning and grinding back on him. “Do ya G? Tell me, else I’ll stop.”
“No, I mean yes, no don’t stop, yes I want your fingers in me.”
He chuckles in my ear. “You’re a bad, bad girl Georgia Rae and I love the fuck out of ‘ya, now come for me, coz I ain’t gonna last, you’re too much, I can’t last.”
He pushes his fingers inside me and it’s the strangest of sensations, I feel full, stretched and when he pushes the heel of his hand onto my clit, it’s too, too much, every muscle I have below my waist clamps around his cock and his fingers. I roll my head back as he bites into my shoulder, I moan and call out his name, trying to relieve the intensity of the orgasm that just won’t stop rolling through me. In the end I have nowhere left to go and just take it, moaning and whimpering my way through it as I listen to Sean’s words, “Fuck, that’s good, I’m coming baby, only for you, it’s only ever been you.”
We collapse in a heap less than a minute later, he holds my back tight against his chest, kissing the back of my neck and my shoulders continuously; eventually we lay still and silent, I listen to him breathe and feel his chest move up and down against my back. I want him to talk, to ask me about today but I also want him to never mention it, he kisses the back of my head.
“Come and shower with me.” I nod and he eases out of me, he pulls me by the hand and we walk to the shower, he doesn’t wait for the water to heat up and pulls me in with him. I scream and he laughs, pulling me tight against his chest as the cold water makes both of our teeth chatter. It eventually starts to warm, he pushes my wet again hair from my face, then holds it with both of his hands, he kisses my eyes, my nose, then so, so softly my mouth, my chin, down through my cleavage, all the way down my belly. He kneels down on the floor in front of me, takes hold of my hands in his and says, “I love ya Georgia Rae, please be my wife?”
Oh my God, I stare down at him, not sure if I’ve just heard right. “I love you Georgia, more than life, I love you like the stars above.” He raises his eyebrows at me and smirks, waiting for me to sing my line.
“I’ll love you till I die,” I continue and he breaks out his best grin yet.
“Like I told ya, Romeo and Juliette have got nothing on us baby. I don’t wanna wait; if other people hadn’t fucked us up we would’ve been married and probably had a couple of kids by now.”
He’s looking up at me, with those big brown eyes, with their little flecks of gold shinning so brightly in them. He’s my life, he’s my world and whatever feelings I thought I might have for Cam are now irrelevant. Perhaps I do love Cam, I don’t know but it doesn’t matter, because Sean will always have my heart, I have no control over that fact, it is what it is and no one will ever be able to change it.
I push his hair back off his face and smile down at him; I nod first, and then follow it up with. “Yes, yes of course I’ll marry you.”
We make love again in the shower before collapsing into bed and sleeping for a few hours, then he wakes me up as he slides himself inside me, we make love silently and afterwards, when he holds me tightly to his chest, I tell him about my day. I tell him about Cam, I tell him about how guilty I feel, that I didn’t know Cam loves me and I tell him that I think I might love Cam a little bit and he tells me its fine, and that he understands. He’s jealous, hates it, but he understands. Cam was there, right when I needed him and it’s perfectly natural for me to have strong feelings for him, he tells me to go back and help him get better, support him in any way that I can, which just makes me love Sean even more. I cry and tell him how my heart feels like it’s going to burst with how much I love him.
In the end, just as the sun is coming up and the birds are beginning to sing, we decide together, that perhaps it will be better if I don’t see Cam again, it might just get his hopes up and then it might all be too much for him when he finds out that we are getting married. Sean’s happy with whatever I want to do and I decide a clean break will be the best and fairest way forward. I fall asleep, happy, content and without guilt.
CHAPTER 22 AUGUST 1999
Sean and I were sat at a little café in Chapel Street Melbourne, Australia; we had just enjoyed an enormous fry up and were now sipping on our coffees and watching the very interesting sights and sounds of this part of Australia. It was an absolutely freezing cold, but a bright and sunny day; we had no idea when we arrived eight months ago, on a stinking hot thirty eight degree day that Australia could get so cold. We’d been travelling all around the country since our arrival, and had seen waterfalls in Kakadu, and watched the sun set and rise again over Ayers Rock. We’d dived with sharks, inside a shark cage in Western Australia, and we’d surfed at Bondi, spent New Year’s Eve on a yacht in Sydney Harbour, driven along the Great Ocean Road, surfed again at Bells Beach and sat freezing on a beach on Phillip Island watching a colony of Fairy Penguins coming back to dry land after a day out at sea fishing. We spent the last three weeks discovering the city of Melbourne and its surrounding areas.
We’d fallen in love with Australia when Carnage had toured here almost two years ago and we vowed to come back and have a look at the whole country, not just Sydney and Melbourne where the band had played. The people were so friendly, the country and the scenery were stunningly beautiful and vaster than you could ever imagine. Victoria was the smallest state and yet you could fit the whole of Great Britain inside it.
Sean and I had been away from England and our families for almost a year now, we’d decided to take a year out, leaving the madness of Carnage and the fame that came with it behind us while we travelled, before coming back to England and trying for a baby.
After Sean had proposed to me, we kept our news secret until after Jimmie and Lennon’s wedding as we didn’t want to take any of the attention away from them or attract any more attention to ourselves. The press intrusion had been relentless, sometimes the stories they printed about us were half-truths, but mostly they were complete fabrication and often very hurtful. We mostly ignored them or had a good laugh over them. We’d been split up, according to the press on an almost weekly basis. Sean had had numerous affairs, quoted as being in places with different women, when he was in fact, at home, or even on a different continent with me. The best story was that the reason we hadn’t had children yet was because our marriage was a sham and Sean was gay; that was the one that we laughed most about and the one that had caused Sean to have the most piss taken out of him amongst the band, my brothers and our friends.
The real reason we had in fact held off having children, is that we were simply enjoying life too much. We loved travelling; being on tour with the band was hard enough without adding children to the equation. We’d seen this first hand with my brother’s kids.
Jimmie and Lennon had produced a son within a year of being married, and in keeping with Layton tradition, his name had a musical link. When little Jimmy was born, everyone assumed he was named after his Mum, until his little sister was born eighteen months later and named Paige, then along came Ziggy, named after Ziggy Stardust, not Marley but both worked, then last year Harley was born, named after one of my Dad’s favourite singers Steve Harley.
Marley and Ash had stayed together, although their relationship was nowhere near as happy and settled as Jim and Len’s. They’d split up and reconciled so many times over the last ten years I’d lost count, although they seemed much happier of late as the band were touring less and the press attention wasn’t as intrusive. They’d never married, but had three children a boy called Joe, after Joe Strummer from The Clash and two girls, Connie after my Mum’s favourite singer Connie Francis and Annie after Annie Lennox. Add to this Tom and Billy’s kids, there were times that there’d been a total of ten children in tow whilst the band toured, most of whom I have to say, behaved better than the band members. Witnessing first-hand the stress of travelling with the kids and the limitations it put on what you could and couldn’t do, the places you could and couldn’t visit. We had just decided to wait, the same as we ended up doing with our wedding, which eventually happened in October of 1999. The band had just ended their American tour and the whole lot of us, all of my family, including my parents, Bailey and his new girlfriend Sam, Billy, Tom and their families, headed down to Florida for a much needed holiday, where we decided on the spur of the moment to get married.
Everyone we wanted to be there was in the same place at the same time for a change, so, we got in touch with a Justice Of The Peace, got ourselves a licence and were married just as the sun set on St’ Pete’s beach on Saturday the 27th of October. It was a simple service, we wrote our own vows, each of us struggling to get our words out with the emotion of the day bearing down on us. Sean being the lyrical genius out of the two of us had every one in tears in an instant.
“Georgia Rae, I love ya, I’ve loved ya since the day I saw you hanging upside down on the monkey bars, flashing me your pink knickers, you were eleven years old and you stole my heart from my chest and the breath from my lungs. I only ever feel complete when you're near, you own me Gia, heart, mind, body and soul, completely. I love you like the stars above and I will love you till I die, but these words, all that I tell you today, all that I declare before our friends and family today, they still aren’t enough, because like I’ve told you before, the words haven’t been invented yet to describe what you mean to me, what I feel for you. There’s no one else, there never was, it’s still only ever you and I will spend every minute of every day, loving you, worshiping you and doing my best to make you happy, doing my best to be the Husband you deserve. I love ya Georgia Rae, please be my Wife?”
He stopped twice to regain his composure, watching Sean cry as he declared his love for me in front of our friends and our family almost floored me, I pointlessly fought so hard not to cry. For me, the most amazing thing was, we hadn’t read or even discuss our vows and was amazed at how we had thought along the same lines, mine sounded like a shortened version of Sean’s, I spoke between sobs.
“Sean, from that very first day I set eyes on you, I’ve known you were my one true love, you own my heart, my mind, my body and soul and I will love you till I die. I’ll spend each and every day trying to be the Wife you deserve. You make me a better person, and without you I’m lost, incomplete. Please, will you be my Husband because there’s no one else, there never was, it’s still only ever you, I love you Sean McCarthy, please marry me.”
“What’s up G, what ya thinking?” Sean looks across the table at me; he has the hood of his leather jacket pulled up. He shaved his beautiful hair off when we got here and amazingly, he had hardly been recognised the whole trip. In fact, on one occasion, it was me that was recognised and not him. I ended up signing autographs and having my photo taken with Sean’s fans while he hid in a tourist shop on Sydney’s Circular Quay, but he had let it grow since May now and we had started to garner the odd second glance from passers-by so Sean had taken to either wearing a hat or keeping the hood of his jacket up.
Sean’s skin is so dark from all of the sun we’ve been exposed to, he almost looks Arabic, the way his hood drapes over his hair, framing his dark skin and eyes, my belly does a few forward rolls as I digest the fact that this stunningly beautiful man, who’s adored, loved and lusted after by millions of both men and women around the world, is in fact, my Husband. And I’m under absolutely no illusion as to how much he loves me. We’ve spent almost a year in near isolation from anyone else, just Sean and Georgia, Georgia and Sean, as it should be and I can’t help but smile.
“I was thinking about our wedding.” His face lights up.
“The day or the night?” I shake my head at him, he’s just turned thirty two and still such a boy.
“Our vows.” He moves his chair closer to mine and puts his arm around me.
“I meant every one of them,” he says, I give him a broad smile.
“I know you did and you’ve lived up to each and every one of them.”
“And so have you, I couldn’t be happier, could you?” I think about it for a few seconds, apparently a few seconds too long, my Husband can read me like a book and now his smile has vanished, his eyebrows pulled together in a look of concern. I have a confession to make and I’m not sure how he’s going to take the news, it’s something we have discussed, but as yet have made no firm decision on.
“What G, what is it?”
“I ran out of pills.”
“Pills, what pills, you got a headache?” I laugh.
“No, contraceptive pills.” His eyes widen.
“Ahh shit, right, well we can just get you in to see a doctor here and get you a prescription. I can’t see that it’ll be any hassle, if it is, I’ll make some calls and get some Fed Ex’ed over.”
“In June,” I add and wait for his reaction, he looks totally confused.
“What, you don’t need them till June?” I smile at him, I’m as nervous as shit at what I’m about to tell him.
“I ran out of pills in June, we’ve been having unprotected sex since June.” He looks at me blankly for a split second, then his face lights up, his eyes spark with, everything that I hoped to see in them.
“You wanna make a baby?” Oh God that sounded so sexy that all I can do is nod and smile stupidly. He stands up, throws twenty dollars on the table, grabs my hand and pulls me out to the side of the road as he hails a taxi.
“What are you doing?” I laugh as I speak.
“We’re going back to the hotel to pack, it’s time to go home baby, I’m not having you flying long haul with my baby in your belly, it won’t be good for either of you so the quicker we get home, the quicker we can get on with the job of making a mixed up version of you and me.” He opened the door of the taxi and guided me in.
As soon as we are settled in the back of the cab and on our way back to our hotel, Sean is on his mobile to the private jet company and books us a plane for six that evening.
Just to make sure that I’m not flying pregnant, he makes the cabbie stop at a chemist on the way to the hotel and buys two pregnancy tests, luckily I need to wee pretty much as soon as we are in our room and we sit on the edge of the bath tub and stare at the little stick I hold in my hands.
“What if it’s positive, you gonna make me stay here for the next nine months?” He grins his lopsided grin at me.
“Well first, I would kiss you till your lips were numb, because I would be the happiest man in the world and second, I… I don’t know I’d just carry on being the happiest man in the world.”
We stare as one line appears on the stick, not pregnant, I feel a little surge of disappointment, so I look at him and shrug. “The pill will take at least six months to clear my system, January, that’s when we’ll get pregnant, but let’s get home and get trying any way.”
He tilts his head to one side. “Naaa, let’s get trying now.”
He drags me back to the bedroom and jumps on me, but the look of disappointment on his face didn’t go unnoticed, but I’m not worried, I’ve been on the pill for sixteen years, I’m not expecting to get knocked up yet, besides, I want to see in the new year with a bang. It’s the first time in years neither Jimmie or Ash are pregnant over Christmas and we can actually all have a proper celebration in New York where the band are playing at a special New Year’s Eve concert to see in the year 2000.
Around thirty long hours later we are back at our home in Hampstead, North West London. I call my Mum, Jimmie and Ash and let them know we are home. We spend the next week hardly leaving our bed, not because we are continuously having sex, although a lot of that does go on, but because we are so jet lagged from the flight and the time difference. Sean runs his business dealings from his phone whilst still in bed, I mostly sleep.
* * *
The following weekend is when we were due home and I’d completely forgotten the boys were off to France to play at some sporting event. I really don’t feel like getting on another plane so soon after the trip back from Australia so instead I arrange a girls night out with Ashley and Jimmie, as luck would have it, the boys record label have invitations to a new club opening in Shoreditch.
We all meet up at the Docklands penthouse, the boys still own it and we all use it at various times after nights out in the city when we need somewhere to crash. It feels like years since we’ve all gotten ready together like this, probably because it is. We take forever as we talk and drink and have a general catch up, we’ve spoken on the phone almost daily since I’ve been back in the country but I haven’t seen them in almost a year and there are a few tears as soon as we set eyes on each other. By the time we finally make it down to the car, where Dave is waiting to drive us, it’s already eleven thirty pm and we’re all well on our way to being legless.
The club is a warehouse conversion, pretty much like every other building in and around East London but it looks great, the sound system is pumping and the girls are desperate to dance. I did a pregnancy test this morning, just to make sure and as it was negative, I joined my girls in a couple of lines of coke before we left and I’m now feeling the effect and can’t wait to hit the dance floor. The place is full of celebrities, actors, models, footballers, pop stars and the usual bunch of glamour models that always seem to get invites to this type of thing. The waiters and waitresses come around with an endless supply of champagne and there’s a free bar for anything else. While the girls are still on the dance floor, I head to the toilets and on the way back decide to grab us a round of shots. I stand at the bar waiting to be served when a shiver goes through me, before I get the chance to wonder what could have caused it a deep voice says right into my ear.
“Good evening Kitten, hope you’re well?”
My stomach hits the floor for a few seconds but then my cocaine enhanced confidence finds its voice and without even looking at him I say, “Tiger, how the fuck are you?”
“Really Kitten, that’s so unladylike.”
“Tiger, I think we established many years ago, that I’m no fucking lady.”
He’s quiet for a few seconds, in which time I finally turn my gaze to him, he looks afuckinmazing, he’s wearing a black suit with satin lapels, a black shirt and a black satin tie. He’s standing so close that I can smell him, he smells delicious, still wearing the same Givenchy aftershave that he always has, it instantly reminds me of my bed at my flat above the shop, and all the things he did to me in it.
“You look beautiful Georgia, absolutely stunning.”
“You don’t look so bad yourself Tiger, how ya doing? You look a whole lot better than the last time I saw you, that’s for sure.” I want to reach out and touch his face, run my hands over the beard he has growing there, it really suits him. “I love the beard.”
He ignores my beard comment. “I owe you an apology and a thank you, regarding the last time you saw me.”
I shrug and knock back the first of the three shots that have been placed in front of me. “No apology necessary, no thanks required, you would have done the same for me.”
He nods his head slightly, in a way I remember so well. “I would and more, I would’ve done so much more for you, given the chance.”
“Don’t Cam, I’m so sorry the way things turned out, the way you found out, please don’t make me feel worse than I’ve done all these years.”
He puffs his cheeks and blows out a long breath; I feel it over the side of my neck and know in an instant my nipples are painfully erect. I need to get away from him, but before I can, he pulls me into his side; I look up at him, about to ask what the fuck he’s doing when a camera flashes in my face.
“Cam what the fuck are you playing at?” I don’t wait for his answer, I just turn and head back over to where I left the girls dancing, grabbing a glass of champagne from a passing waitress as I go. I’ve drunk it all down by the time I reach the dance floor, and I spend the next hour knocking back more champagne and dancing.
While I dance my mind drifts and I think about the life Sean and I have lead over the past ten years. We’ve been so lucky, we are lucky to have found our way back to each other; we’re happy, content and still so in love. I hate being apart from him for any length of time; especially when he travels overseas and I don’t go with him. Mobile phones have made things easier, but despite talking to him sometimes five times a day, I still miss him. That’s why usually I go with him, but I just didn’t fancy the flight this weekend and he will only be away for one night. It’s a small sacrifice for the lifestyle the band’s success has given us, not just the money and all the materialistic things it can buy but the doors it opens for you, the places we have been able to visit, and the people we have met. We’ve been to award ceremonies and sat at a table with Jagger and Richards, we’ve been to film premiers and been in the same room as De Niro. I had slow danced with the British Prime Minister at a charity event and then spent an hour talking about music to Nelson Mandela, who had the spark and wit of a thirteen year old boy and who to this day, remains my ultimate human being. Sean and I have appeared on magazine covers both together and apart, we’ve been interviewed about our lives and there has even been rumours that we’ll soon be approached to not only write our autobiographies but to contribute to a film that’s apparently going to be made, loosely based on our lives. Why people are so interested in me, I have no idea. Sean I can understand, but I’m just his Wife. I’ve done some work over the last ten years, mainly for various charities, but other than that, I’ve just been at Sean’s side and I have loved every minute, I don’t need more.
Despite all of these great and wonderful things, its nights like tonight that I’ve really missed, just a plain old simple night out with the girls, as plain and simple as it can be when the wives of one of the world’s biggest bands embark on a night out. Dave drove us here and is lingering at the bar, just to make sure we are okay. He has just come over and advised us that as a lot of the celebs are now leaving, the doors will be opened up to the general public and perhaps it would be best if we went upstairs to the VIP area, where we won’t be harassed. The weird thing is, I still consider myself part of the general public, I still get tongue tied when I speak to one of my idols, I nearly wet myself when I met Weller for the first time. Sean and Marley have a picture of me staring at him in wonder as he speaks to Lennon about something or another, I can’t remember. I’ve never fancied the bloke, it’s just that his music is something that I grew up listening to and I’ve always thought that he remains to this day, one of the greatest song writers England has ever produced.
I’m snapped out of my thoughts by a camera going off in my face.
“Fuck this,” Ashley says. “Dave’s right, let’s go upstairs.”
I gesture to Dave that we are going to the VIP lounge and the three of us hold hands as Jimmie leads the way; we were given wristbands when we first entered the club so just walk straight into the floor to ceiling glassed off area. I spot Cam at the bar straight away and groan inwardly; I haven’t seen him once since the day I tried to help him, no contact whatsoever and yet he still has an effect on my body and I don’t know why. I love my Husband, I’m in love with my Husband and I hate myself for having this reaction to another man. I have thought about him over the years; Bailey told me that he rang my Dad the morning after he ran into Sean and me at Kings and sold him his share immediately. Further down the track he’d told me that he had bumped into him and Cam had asked how I was doing and if I was happy. That information made my heart beat faster too at the time and now here he was, tall and handsome, leaning against the bar talking to a tall red head who I think was an actress or a television presenter, I’d seen her face somewhere before anyways.
