Текст книги "The Story Of Us"
Автор книги: Lesley Jones
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Текущая страница: 21 (всего у книги 24 страниц)
I finally force myself to look at him and my damn breaks, the anguish in his voice, in his face, his eyes, it breaks me. Once again, I had been selfish, I had lost our baby and it was a terrible thing but he had to stand by and watch as I was rushed into surgery too. He thought he might lose me, as well as the baby, the thought of him going through all of that, alone, broke me and I started to sob.
Sean comes over to the bed and kneels in front of me. “Hold me Georgia, please just hold me?” He was as broken as I was and I needed him so much, just like he needed me. We climbed back on the bed and just held each other, both of us crying quietly, like we had done on the bed in the hospital.
“You and me G, just Sean and Georgia, it always comes back to this, to us, as long as there’s an ‘us’, we can get through anything, okay?”
I look up into his beautiful brown eyes, which are dull and sad and full of tears. “I’m so sorry, I love you and I’m sorry.”
He kisses my tears away and says, “Don’t be sorry babe, just love me, that’s all I want, just love me and let me love and take care of you, let me do my job.”
His lips brush mine gently and for the first time in almost two months, desire stirs in me. Sean rolls me over onto my back and looks down at me. “I’ve missed you so much. There’s too many clothes between us G; I need to feel your skin on mine.”
I’m not sure if he’s asking permission, but I nod anyway. He pulls off his t-shirt as I undo his jeans; he pulls them down, along with his boxers as I pull off the vest I was wearing. Sean pulls down my pyjama bottoms, it’s all rushed and we are panting, then suddenly we are naked and completely still; he lays between my legs, his erection digging into my pubic bone and lower belly, our hands are at the side of my head on the mattress, our fingers laced together, his eyes are all over my face and I ache for him to be inside me. “I love you Georgia, never leave me again.”
I shake my head slightly. “Never, I love you,” I whisper.
He presses his forehead to mine. “I need to be inside you, is that okay?”
“Of course it is I want you inside me.” And I do, I want him right where he needs to be, I want his world to be perfect.
He slides inside me. “Fuck I’ve missed you; I’d almost forgotten how perfectly we fit together, how perfect you are.”
I want to cry again, I’m most definitely not perfect but right now, I will be perfect for him.
We make love gently, tenderly, Sean strokes into me slowly and when I moan and he feels my muscles start to clench he whispers, “Together baby, together.”
We stare into each other’s eyes as we both come, I sob as I come down from my high and he smiles, his lazy lopsided boy I fell in love with smile and sings, “Georgia Rae, when we made love you used to cry… You said… ” He waits for me to finish ‘our’ song.
“I love you like the stars above, I’ll love you till I die.” We smile and cry at the same time.
“There’ll be more babies G, we’ll never forget this one, never, we’ll just have to make sure that we give all the others the extra love we couldn’t show this baby.”
God I love him, I love him so much, he holds me while I cry some more and we make love again, before I pack my bags, thank my parents and drive back to Hampstead. We decide on the way to just take a week away and while we are gone, we’ll get the removal company in and move straight into the new house. ‘La Macas’ as we have christened it, a play on both our surnames.
We book a week away in the Dominican Republic, enjoying ourselves, chilling out and reconnecting so much, that we stay another week and move straight into our new home as soon as we arrive back in England and settle into our new lives in the Essex countryside.
Sean is home a lot; the album is finished and will be released at the end of April. The boys have decided they don’t need to do a massive world tour to promote it; they are big enough now that it’s not necessary. In fact pre-orders have already guaranteed it will go platinum in the first week. Interviews and TV appearances will have to be carried out though and the boys will partake in a whirlwind tour of the UK, America and Europe during the last week of April and the first two weeks of May. As much as I will miss Sean, I won’t be going to Europe or America with him, it’s too soon, too painful and we’ll only attract press attention. The press have been pretty good since news of our loss broke, we have received untold amounts of letters, cards and good wishes from around the world and I spend a lot of time reading through them while Sean is away. Many of the letters are from women who have gone through an ectopic pregnancy and have gone on to have more children with no problems at all. I reply to all of these messages, thanking the women for taking their time to reassure me that all will be fine for us in the future. I have no doubt about this anyway, no doubt at all.
CHAPTER 25
Sean’s flight lands at noon on Sunday May the 14th and I go with Milo to the airport to collect him, I’m so excited that I wait out on the tarmac as the plane lands and I’m bouncing on my toes as I wait for the doors to open, he doesn’t know I’m coming and I can’t wait to see his face. It’s a warm sunny day and Len blinks a few times as he steps out of the doors, he looks at me and frowns but I hold my finger to my lips telling him to shush, he nods and carries on walking down the steps of the plane. I hide behind Milo in case any of the other boys say anything and spoil the surprise, I just want Sean to know how much I love him, he loves small gestures and I know he’s hated leaving me. He’s been so unbelievably attentive since we lost Baby M, as we now call our ‘not meant to be’ baby; he’s looked after me so well and I just hope that as soon as we get home, I’m going to be able to give him some good news.
He appears at the top of the steps and my heart skips a beat and then trebles its speed, I wonder if it will always do that around him? I step out from behind Milo and he sees me instantly, I start to move toward him and almost stumble as his face lights up, he runs down the aircraft stairs, not caring who he pushes out of the way, namely Marley, who’s seen me and thinks he’s funny by deliberately getting in Sean’s way. In the end, he jumps over the side of the airplane steps and runs toward me. He slows down as he gets near me and swings me around.
He has the biggest smile as he says, “I’ve missed ya Georgia Rae, show us your tits.”
I pull up my t-shirt and flash him my red lace bra. “Fuck babe, I’ve missed ya, let’s get a room somewhere.” I laugh and shake my head.
“No, I wanna get home.”
He reaches for my hand and starts pulling me toward the car. “Well let’s go then.”
We chat about his trip as Milo drives us home and because it’s Sunday and the traffic is light we are home within the hour and head straight for our bedroom as soon we are through the front door. I have a pregnancy test stick waiting and ready to be used, in fact I have two and Sean looks totally confused as I pull him into the bathroom. “Georgia… Nooo, fuck first, shower later, I need to be inside you,” he whines.
“Sit down.” I gesture to the edge of the bath, I’m busting for a wee and need to do this soon before I wet myself. I hold the plastic stick in front of his face and his eyes widen, he doesn’t say a word while I wee on it, wipe and wash my hands, then sit on the edge of the bath next to him as we wait and stare at the little piece of plastic that might possibly be about to change our lives.
Two lines appear.
Pregnant.
Sean looks from the stick to me and back to the stick again.
“G,” he whispers.
“I knew, I mean, I didn’t know, I guessed before you went away but I didn’t want to worry you.”
“Pregnant, you’re really pregnant?”
“Yes, I’m really pregnant.”
“We need to see a doctor.”
“We are and I’ve made an appointment for tomorrow at eleven.”
“Who with?” I look at him and chuckle.
“Does it matter, if I was to tell you his name, would it make any difference?”
“Yes, I only want you to see Richard Curtis.” What. The. Fuck?
“How do you know who Richard Curtis is?” He looks exactly like the thirteen year old boy I fell in love with when he smiles at me.
“Because I did some research and he’s the best around and I want you and the baby to see the best.” I’m actually amazed, Richard Curtis is exactly who I have an appointment to see tomorrow.
“But I only just told you I was pregnant.”
“Yeah… but I knew you would be pregnant again sometime and I wanted to make sure that you and the baby were all set to be looked after by the best.” His eyebrows are pulled in together; he’s worried that he’s said something wrong.
“Baby, it’s fine, you don’t need to explain, I’m, I’m just…” I start crying, I really am the luckiest woman in existence. “I couldn’t love you any more than I do right now.”
He looks over my face and reaches out and strokes his thumb over my cheek and across my lips, he raises his eyebrows and smiles as he whispers, “We’re having a baby Mrs McCarthy.”
I grin stupidly, because I just can’t help myself. “We are Mr McCarthy.”
“Let’s fuck.”
“Sounds like a plan.”
* * *
By midday Monday, my pregnancy had been confirmed and I was laying on my back waiting for an ultrasound to be carried out. I feel sick with nerves. Sean and I have not discussed the possibility of anything being wrong, it couldn’t happen again, surely? I have just missed my second period and from all the research I have done, I should be feeling the effects if this is another ectopic pregnancy, but I feel well, really well in fact; thinking back now, I didn’t feel right from the very beginning with Baby M but this time, apart from feeling a little sick in the mornings, I feel great.
I notice that the ultrasound machine they have wheeled in is the trans-vaginal kind, the same as they used on me when I was in the hospital before.
“Is this one of them ones they put inside ya?” Sean asks as he sits in a chair next to the bed holding my hand. I nod.
“You okay with that?” he asks while I shrug my shoulders.
“It’s what needs to be done, are you okay with it?” He shakes his head.
“Not really, I hate the thought of another bloke, knowing what you’ve got going on down there.” I can’t help but smile, Sean McCarthy, Rock God, lead singer of Carnage, his face and body have graced the covers of so many magazines, often with near naked women draped around him and he doesn’t like the idea of a doctor examining his pregnant Wife.
“It’s his job Sean, all in a day’s work, my Mildred is just like any other woman’s as far as he’s concerned.” Now Sean smiles.
“No way G, your Mildred is fucking special, it’s small and neat and tight and perfect and it’s fucking mine and he better remember that.” I shake my head and sigh.
“Sean, the man’s in his fifties, he’s not interested in my Mildred and stop saying sexy things, or I’ll get all turned on.”
“You better fucking not.”
The door opens and Professor Curtis walks in, with his curly grey hair and bright yellow bow tie, any desire I might have been feeling evaporates and the nerves kick back in. I have a sheet over me from the waist down and thankfully nothing on show. We both watch at first, as the doctor slides a condom on the wand and then noisily squirts lube over it. I suddenly want to giggle and my eyes swing across to Sean’s as he makes a small sound, his lips are pursed together as he tries to contain a laugh, I narrow my eyes on him.
“Okay, let’s find out when this little one is likely to make an appearance, relax now Georgia and just let your knees fall apart.” I suddenly want to cry, I’m absolutely terrified that we are about to have all our dreams ripped away again. Sean squeezes my hand tight and I look right at him, there’s not a trace of a smile on either of our faces, we don’t look at the doctor or the nurse, we don’t look at the screen or around the room, we just look at each other.
“I love you G, so fucking much,” Sean whispers to me and a tear rolls down the side of my face and lands in my ear, there’s a whooshing noise, then the room is filled with the sound of our baby’s heartbeat, loud and strong and I let out a sob.
“There you go, right… there.” We both turn to look at the screen, where there appears to be a whole load of nothing going on, apart from a tiny pulsating pea, thrumming away.
Our eyes are back on each other’s and we both cry and laugh at the same time.
“Perfect,” the doctor says and after calling out some measurements to the nurse, tells us that our baby is due on New Year’s Eve, the same day as I told Sean that he was going to be a Daddy before. We’re reassured everything is as it should be and that I’m about eight weeks pregnant. I’m given another appointment for four weeks’ time but told to call if I have any concerns at all. Sean and I practically skip along Harley Street and back to our car.
“I’m starving,” I complain as we jump in.
“Thought you might be, good job I’ve booked us a table for lunch.”
“Really, where?”
“An Italian place in Knightsbridge your Mum recommended, I told her we were coming in to town for a meeting and I wanted to take you somewhere nice for lunch because I’d been away and wanted to spoil you.” I grin at him. We’d decided not tell anyone about the baby for another couple of weeks, after such a public loss of our last pregnancy, we want to keep this one as low key as possible until we are in the ‘safe’ zone at around four months.
“I love you,” I look across at him and say while he drives.
“You better,” he replies as he reaches for my hand and kisses it.
There’s valet parking at the restaurant and my door is opened for me before Sean gets the chance to get around the car, as I go to step out, I hear him say to the valet, “I’ve got it mate, you just park the car.” He throws him his keys, and his eyes meet mine as I go to step onto the footplate of the Range Rover, he takes hold of both my hands while I step down and he kisses me gently on the mouth, and then leads me into the restaurant. As we enter the reception area, we walk straight into Cam and a stunningly beautiful red head on their way out. Sean must spot him just as I do as his grip around my hand tightens, Cam stops dead in his tracks and I can feel his eyes remain on me as I move mine away to look at Sean. Cam speaks first.
“Sean, Georgia, how are you?”
Sean stops walking and let’s go of my hand and shakes Cam’s. “Good mate, very good.”
Sean looks across to me, I smile and nod toward Cam but I can’t look him in the eye, not with Sean and the red head looking at me so I just smile and repeat that we are good.
“How are your parents Georgia?”
“They’re good too, thanks.” I briefly meet Cam’s gaze, then move it across to the red head.
“Tamara, this is Sean and Georgia McCarthy. Sean, as I’m sure you know is the front man for Carnage. Georgia’s father is an old business friend of mine and the pair of them happened to buy my house out in Essex last year.”
Fuck.
“You what?” Sean gives a nervous laugh as he speaks, Cam’s eyes flash to mine, just for an instant as he realises what he’s just done, too late now.
“Well, yeah, sorry, did you not know, that’s my old place you bought, hope its erm… hope it’s working out for you there?” Sean’s nodding as he listens to Cam.
“Yeah, yeah, we love it, couldn’t be happier. Anyway, nice to see ya mate, gotta go, tables booked and we’re running late.” I smile as best I can at Cam and the red head and then follow Sean and the Maître d to our table as it starts to dawn on me that this is the same restaurant that Cam brought me to a long, long time ago.
As soon as we are seated and Sean has ordered a double bourbon and coke, his eyes are on me and I know that I’m in trouble, that’s the problem with lies and half-truths, they always come back to bite you on the arse. Sean’s legal team had dealt with the purchase of the house, he may have signed some of the documentation, but he never mentioned anything so I didn’t either.
“Did you know? And don’t even think about lying to me.” I nod my head and swallow.
“You fucking knew and you let us buy it, you let us move into your ex’s old home. Why, why the fuck would you do that? Why the fuck didn’t you tell me?” The waiter brings our drinks. Sean drinks his straight down and orders another.
“I didn’t know.” I start. “Not at first, I looked around and loved it and then I called you and arranged for you to come and view it and then that’s when I found out, after I’d already called you and told you that I loved it.”
“So why the fuck didn’t you tell me then?” I shrug… because I’m a lying, deceitful, cheating, whore.
“You loved the place so much the next day when you saw it; I thought it would put you off.”
“He’s your fucking ex G, of course it would fucking put me off, would you like me to move you into Haley’s house without you knowing?” I throw my sparkling water in his face, get up and head for the door.
“Georgia, get the fuck back here.” The restaurant falls silent.
“Fuck you,” I call out back to him over my shoulder as I make my way outside.
Cam is just putting the red-head into a taxi, I stand and watch as the valet pulls up in a large black sports car of some kind, I have no idea what it is but he gets out and hands Cam the keys. I turn to the other valet and ask him to get me a cab. I assume while I wait, Sean will appear, then Cam’s at my side.
“Kitten,” he sighs out my name, the way he always does. “I’m so sorry, did I cause a fight?”
I give a little laugh. “Its fine Cam, just go.”
His eyes look into mine, through mine, into me.
“Are you sure, do you need a lift?”
“Cam, please, just go.” He nods but doesn’t move. I stare past him for a few seconds then finally allow my eyes to meet his again. “Please Cam, for me, just go.”
He nods and leaves this time.
I change my mind about getting a taxi and decide that if Sean is going to stay and get drunk, then I might as well take the car home, by the time its brought around and I’m in the driver’s seat, Sean walks out of the restaurant and jumps into the passenger side, he doesn’t look at me and we drive home in complete silence. Once we get back to the house he heads off to the study and I can hear him going through our filling cabinet, I leave it five minutes and then go to see what he’s doing, there are papers everywhere. Sean is leaning over the open drawer, drinking straight from a bottle of Wild Turkey, his eyes come up and meet mine and he looks at me with complete contempt.
“What are you doing?” I ask him.
“Looking for the paperwork on this place, is his name on it, if it is then why didn’t I spot it?’
“His name was on it, I thought you would notice then, that you would mention it and I would just tell you, but you didn’t so I just stayed quiet and it was wrong and I’m sorry. I couldn’t be sorrier.” And it was the truth, we should never have bought this place without Sean knowing who the previous owner was, keeping quiet was now causing more problems than speaking up would have and had now spoilt what should have been an absolutely perfect day, and I had no one else to blame but myself.
“Do you have any idea how much of a cunt you made me feel earlier, in front of him, Cameron fucking King, your big time gangster ex-boyfriend?” I shake my head.
“I’m sorry, I should’ve told you, I didn’t realise it was so important to you.”
“Don’t lie G, this is me you’re talking to, you knew exactly how important that little piece of information would be to me, that’s why you didn’t say anything, that’s why you kept quiet.” I can’t meet his gaze, he’s right, I knew Sean wouldn’t want to live here knowing it was Cam’s, I never for a minute thought that he would.
“But what I don’t get Georgia, what I don’t understand is, if you knew it was his house, if you knew, then why the fuck would you still want to live here? Why would you want to move into your ex-lovers home?” He takes a swig from the bottle and sneers at me. “Hmm, tell me G, did you want to feel close to him, is he even your ex or have you still been seeing him all these years, sneaking around behind my back?”
“Fuck you, now you’re just being ridiculous.”
“Am I, then explain to me, fucking explain to me G, why the fuck would you want to live here?” he shouts and throws the bottle of drink at the wall, it smashes and glass flies everywhere, I shake my head at him and turn and leave. “That’s it, fuck off G, walk away and go and rock in a corner somewhere, shut it all out and make pretend it’s not happening. Ain’t that what you do best? Shall I ring Mummy and Daddy to come and pick their little princess up coz the big bad rock star is swearing and smashing the place up?”
I keep walking, I feel exhausted, worn down by the weight of the guilt that I carry for doing what I did last year. Seeing Cam today, the panic I felt when he revealed he was the previous owner of our home, just went to prove to me, how much I love Sean, why I did what I did last year, I will never understand and the thought that Sean is hurting because of me cuts me in half. I felt nothing today when I saw Cam with another woman, whatever confusion about the feelings I thought I had for him have gone. Losing my baby was a massive wake up call, I love Sean beyond measure, my life is and always will be with Sean and I am terrified in that moment that I may have completely fucked everything up.
