Текст книги "Falling to Pieces"

Автор книги: Leddy Harper

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Текущая страница: 15 (всего у книги 25 страниц)

“You can’t stay there, Bree.”

“I don’t have a choice,” I said with a sniffle.

He gently spun me around with his hands on my hips until we were chest to chest. His eyes no longer held the heated emotions as before. They’d turned forgiving and tender…worried, but easy. “Give me this week. Give me time to figure this out. I don’t care if you have to move four hours away to your dad’s house, but I won’t let you stay there any longer. I can’t wait around for a year with the fear I have inside me right now.”

I rested my forehead against his chest, my arms between us, pressing his shirt to my skin. But then he swiftly lifted me up, setting me on the ledge of the counter behind me.

He moved to stand between my legs. With a gentle hand on my cheek, he forced me to look in his eyes. “I will get you out of there, Bree. If it’s the last thing I do, I will keep you safe. Nothing will ever happen to you again.”

“I love you,” I confessed with a hiccup, feeling calmer than before.

Instead of answering my confession with words, he showed me what he felt with his lips. His kisses. His touches. And then he abruptly pulled away, studying me with bright, impassioned eyes. “I protect the ones I love most. You, Bree, are the one I love most.”

Happiness swelled in my chest at the thought of having him on my side for the rest of my life. I knew what the declaration of our love meant. It wasn’t something either of us took lightly. My heart grew full as I tugged him closer and kissed him once more. This time, his hunger became evident from beneath his slacks as his erection abraded over my sex. It caused a heated need to burn within me. It burned with his love, with his devotion, and the realization that someone actually cared about me—not only cared for me, but loved me. And he wanted to protect me.

But he never got the chance to fulfill that promise of undying protection.

Before the week was over, our secret was out. The school’s administration had called me into the office and questioned me relentlessly. They treated me like a victim, like a child who’d been taken advantage of. And before I could make any sense out of it, I found him leaving the school with a cardboard box in his arms. I chased him as far as I could, screaming his name and for him to stop. But he didn’t even give me one backward glance before departing the school grounds.

The love of my life left me. Just like that. In one fell swoop, all his words of love and vows of protection were gone. And I was left with nothing but an empty hole where my heart once lay.

Tears streaked my cheeks as I stood there, watching nothing. He was long gone, but I was still in disbelief and couldn’t figure out how to go on. And that’s when my eye caught something.

A picture had fallen from the opened box he’d carried. I walked over and bent down to retrieve it—a postcard with a close-up of wolf eyes on the front, bright and fierce. I never knew he had this, and it only served to tear me apart more.

I broke down in the middle of the parking lot, falling to my knees. I didn’t even notice the asphalt cutting into my skin as I sat there.

I clutched the postcard to my chest and sobbed uncontrollably.

I was completely alone.

I shattered, falling to pieces.

Present day

Axel

I had to have been seeing things. There was no way she lay in front of me. I’d spent so long seeing her in every crowd. Every redhead on the street miraculously became her. I couldn’t see a freckled arm without convincing myself that I’d found her again. But then I’d look into their eyes, and I’d known within an instant that it wasn’t my Bree. She was the only person in the world with eyes like that. They’d been etched into my soul, carved in my mind, and branded on my heart.

Wolf eyes.

After going for so long only being able to envision them in my dreams, never able to see them with my eyes wide open, I had nearly convinced myself that she’d never existed. Maybe I’d made her up in my head, seen her only in my dreams.

But here she was, this fragile woman staring up at me in shock with her big, bright-yellow eyes, and there was no way I could deny their familiarity. She had been real…and so was my love for her. Surrendering to that knowledge had my mind spinning, my stomach turning, and my heart racing.

She was real.

She was here.

“Oh, fuck,” she whispered, and the sound of her strained words stabbed my chest like a thousand tiny pins, aiming straight for my heart. “No… Oh, shit.” She lurched up and immediately began coughing.

Clutching her stomach, she turned to the side, hanging her head over the water. I reached for her, scared she would try jumping in again, but as soon as my hand touched her shoulder, vomit spewed past her lips, hitting the lake below. The fear of her jumping back in settled, but in its place, a new panic emerged. Her back arched as her stomach purged everything in it, continuing to dry heave even after there was nothing left to come out. Once the heaving stopped, her sobs filled the air around us.

“Bree…” I could barely get her name out. It scratched the back of my throat as if I’d forced it. I hadn’t uttered it in so long, yet it felt natural to say again. Worry over her wellbeing consumed me and made my words shake as I asked, “Are you okay?”

She didn’t answer me as she lay on the wooden planks, her cries muffled. Soon, her body relaxed with deep, even breaths, and that’s when I realized she’d gone to sleep. I tried moving her, waking her, yet nothing worked. I slapped her cheek, hoping it would jar her, but it only caused her to gasp and open her eyes for a split second. She mumbled something I couldn’t make out before slipping back into unconsciousness.

I didn’t know what to do. Beyond the stench of throw up, I caught a heavy whiff of alcohol. That was a smell I’d never forget. I thought of taking her to the hospital to have her checked over, but she only seemed to be sleeping, not passed out. That’s when I decided I’d be the one to keep an eye on her and make sure she was safe. I hadn’t been able to protect her before, so there was no way I would let her down this time. The last thing I wanted was for her to wake up scared in a hospital if she didn’t need to be. Her breathing seemed fine, no sign of water in her lungs, so I figured it’d be okay. I would never let anything happen to her on my watch again, despite our pasts and how we both arrived at the present.

With my pulse pounding in my ears, I picked her up. When her arms automatically circled my neck, it sent a calmness through me that I hadn’t felt in over six years—a calmness I didn’t think I’d ever encounter again. I carried her to my truck and set her carefully on the passenger seat, reclining the seat so she wouldn’t slump over. With the dome light on, I could see her features clearly, and there was no mistaking—even with her eyes closed—that this was my Bree. Her youth may have diminished some, and her hair seemed darker, but there was no doubt in my mind whom she was. I’d be able to identify her even if I were blind. Circumstances had destroyed us, life had separated us, and time had kept us apart, yet it seemed nothing could snuff out the flame of my love for her. It burned so hot, even after all these years, that the heat consumed me, scorched me, cauterized the wounds she’d previously inflicted upon me.

I watched her breathe for a moment, assuring myself that she’d be all right, before closing the door.

My head grew heavy as it wobbled from side to side, sleep calling to me. But I refused to give in. I needed to stay awake and alert. I’d spent about five hours studying every nuance of her as she slept, watching her chest rise and fall to make sure she wasn’t sick or in need of medical attention. Every now and then, she’d make a noise, a grunt or moan, and I’d slip to the floor next to her and place my hand on her cheek. The moment my skin touched hers, she’d quiet down, and a soft peacefulness came over her face as her features relaxed.

But as the time dragged on, it became harder and harder to stay awake. Luckily, the moment my lids fell, Bree groaned from the opposite couch and woke me back up. The second my eyes flew open, they landed on hers. The light-green, yellowish orbs held me captive as she stared at me, wide-eyed from shock, and possibly confusion. They’d held me prisoner for the last six years, and seeing them again held the ability to bring me to my knees. I could tell by her stillness that she’d stopped breathing, and that’s when I realized I had, too.

“What…?” She glanced around my bare living room in surprise and, more than likely, concern. “Where am I? Why am I here?” She sat straight up, winced, and then held her head between her hands.

“You nearly died last night. I was there. I don’t know where you live, so I brought you back here. Are you okay? Do you need me to get you anything?” I sat on the edge of the couch, ready at any second to jump up. I wanted to go to her, comfort her, just hold her, but I couldn’t move. The ever-present anger over her actions from six years ago kept me rooted in my place. Worrying over her wellbeing quieted that grudge against her, but now…I could no longer deny its presence.

Her head shot up, panic filling her every feature. “I have to get home.”

I stood the second she did, but neither of us took any steps. She looked down at her clothes—my clothes—that covered her body. She tugged on the T-shirt and frantically searched around the room with darting eyes.

“Where are my clothes? Where are my things? Why am I wearing this?”

I rushed to her side, hesitant to touch her. “Your clothes were wet from your swim, so I put them in the dryer. They’re dry now. Your boots are on the front porch, and I have no idea where any of your other belongings are. You didn’t have anything else with you when I pulled you from the lake.” My words sounded cold and distant, detached, even to my own ears.

Bree refused to look at me. She continued scanning the room, looking at anything instead of meeting my gaze. “Where is my car? My keys? I need my phone. I need to call for a ride. I have to get home.”

“I told you, I don’t know where any of those things are. But I think you should sit down for a minute. Let me make you some coffee and we’ll talk.” I lightly held her forearm in an attempt to show her some support. We had so much to talk about, and I knew we wouldn’t get anywhere if she didn’t calm down.

But she ripped her arm away from me, as if I’d burned her, throwing daggers at me with her fierce glare. “No! I don’t need coffee…and I certainly don’t need to talk. I need to go home.” Her words were harsh, spoken through clenched teeth, filled with panic and worry.

I huffed out my defeat and took a step back. “Fine. I’ll take you home.”

“No. I just need my car. I can take myself home.”

“Bree…” I waited until I knew I had her attention. “I don’t think you’re in the right frame of mind right now to drive.”

“Fuck you, Axel. You don’t know shit about me and my frame of mind.” Her low, growling words ignited the fight within me, the same fight I’d pushed to the sidelines out of concern for her.

“I know you tried to kill yourself last night.”

Her eyes widened with shock, but then an incredulous laugh bubbled from her slack mouth. “I did what? I’m not sure what you think you saw, Axel, but I can guarantee you that I was not trying to kill myself. Suicidal? Not in the least.”

“Then explain why you jumped in the lake at one o’clock in the morning? You didn’t resurface until I jumped in after you, pulling you out. Had I not been there, they’d be pulling your dead body out of the depths of the water right about now.” Heated fury burned my skin as I fought back, angry over her callousness. Angry over the unfounded temper she directed toward me. Angry over our circumstances.

She shook her head, quickly turned her back to me as if she couldn’t stand the sight of me, and then slowly spun back around, appearing oddly resigned. Her gaze was softer, calmer, but I could still see the fire blazing behind her eyes. God, it was good to know that fire was still there after everything that we’d been through.

“Thank you for saving me, Axel. You’re extremely good at two things when it comes to me…saving me, and destroying me. Now that you’ve saved my life, I think it’s best that I leave you alone, before your other talent makes an entrance.”

I grabbed ahold of her shoulders, squaring her body with mine to prevent her from walking away. “I’m not even going to go there with you right now, because I have too much to say about that. Now tell me, why did you jump in the lake last night? If it wasn’t to kill yourself…what was it?”

“I was fucking wasted, Axel. I went to my sister’s bachelorette party, and after that, I don’t remember much. I don’t remember being at the lake, much less jumping in. I have no idea where you came into the picture. I have not a clue as to how I got here. Connecting the dots, I can assume you’re stalking me, brought my unconscious body here, and from what I’m wearing, I think it’s safe to say you stripped me naked. How was that, Axel?”

My grip on her shoulders tightened, causing her to wince slightly. “I wasn’t stalking you. I had no idea who you were until I pulled you out of the water.” My words came out cold, hard, and showed every ounce of anger that coursed through me. “And I had to remove your clothes because they were soaking wet…I didn’t want you to get sick.”

“You should’ve left me there, Axel. After all, you’re great at leaving me behind.” She held no fight in her words, only resolve. Only sadness and surrender.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” I roared in her face.

She took a step back, wincing from my tone.

My grip loosened as I said, “We need to talk, Bree. I need to know—”

“No,” she firmly stated while shaking her head slowly. “We have nothing to talk about. I have to get home. They’ll be worried about me.”

“They?” I asked as she continued to pull away. My hand slipped from her shoulder to her forearm, and finally down to her hand. I held onto it, not ready to let her go completely. Even after all she’d put me through, I was never able to fully let go of her from my mind. But once my fingers tightened around hers, I felt something cold and glanced down. A plain, silver band adorned her ring finger, and I had to mentally check what hand it was on. I hadn’t noticed it before, probably because I’d been too focused on her breathing and hadn’t paid any attention to the rest of her.

My painful gaze met her cold stare, and that’s when my heart finally broke for the last time. Up until that moment, I’d harbored some kind of unfounded hope that one day we’d meet again. And when that day would come, we’d talk about everything, starting with the moment I’d walked out of the school, and essentially cut her out of my life. We’d catch up on the lost time, realize we belonged with each other, and then finish living out the dreams we made together in my back yard on prom night. But feeling her wedding band against my fingers, knowing it wasn’t mine, and not finding a speck of remorse in her eyes…that hope I’d carried with me dissipated. The last piece of my already broken heart disintegrated. And the strength I’d fought for weakened. No…not weakened. It gave up. Left me feeling like I’d been hit by an eighteen-wheeler, dying a slow, agonizing death.

I dropped her hand and her gaze, at a loss for what to do next. For six years, ever since the day I’d heard her crying my name from behind me as I exited the school for the last time, I’d wandered through life. Making one bad choice after another, just waiting for something to make sense. I needed a purpose, a reason why everything fell apart. I needed clarity. And last night, when I looked into her wolf eyes again, I thought I’d found it. I thought we’d been separated by time and distance to allow our ages to catch up to our hearts.

But that wasn’t the case.

She was taken.

She belonged to someone else.

My mind darkened with the reality that while I’d never been able to move on, she had. It solidified my previous worries that her feelings for me were nothing more than naïve, young love, while mine were real, hard, and unforgiving. I was at war with myself over this. On one hand, I wanted to be happy for her. I wanted to feel content with the knowledge that what had happened to us didn’t destroy her the way it had obliterated me. Even through all the anger I’d harbored against her for the decisions she’d made at the end, it still didn’t negate that I wanted her to be unaffected by our relationship. But even though I wanted to be happy for her, I couldn’t help the menacing anger that burned bright inside my chest. Aubrey Jacobs had ruined me. She ruined me for any other woman, for the chance at a healthy relationship, and worse, she’d ruined my chance to carry on with a normal life.

In the end, resentment won out.

“I’ll take you to your car…if you remember where you left it.” I stormed past her, not once raising my sight to hers, and grabbed my keys off the counter. I pulled her clothes from the dryer, balled them up, and shoved them at her. All while she stood there, not one word falling from her lips. I stalked to the front door, hearing her ragged breaths behind me.

“It’s okay, Axel. If you let me borrow your phone, I can call someone to pick me up. I don’t need you to drive me.” Her voice sounded disheartened, but I had no idea why.

Keeping my back to her and my hand on the cold door knob, her resolve wore me down as I said, “Last night, I thought I’d have to watch you die. And now, this morning, I feel like I have died. So before I let you go completely, can you just at least concede and let me make sure you leave safely? Can you just give me this one last thing?” I wanted to keep all emotion out of my tone, but that proved to be impossible with the amount of pain and grief that flooded me. It was true…I wanted to keep her safe one more time, hoping that would save my soul. Maybe give me some peace. But what I couldn’t tell her, was that I’d never survive watching her husband pick her up and take her away to their happily ever after. I could feel myself hanging by a thread, and I knew without a doubt that if I had to witness that, I’d willingly let go and fall into the dark abyss again. Only this time, I doubted that I would be able to climb my way out. I’d barely made it out the last time.

“I don’t need you to save me, Axel. I’m not the same damsel in distress as I was in high school. I’m not the poor girl that needs you to run to my rescue anymore. I can’t say much about last night…I don’t remember it. But I can promise you that I wasn’t trying to harm myself. I’m stronger, happier now than I was all those years ago. I’m not a kid anymore.”

Hearing her soft-spoken voice and the strength behind her words, I turned slowly to take her in. I’d spent so long watching her from afar, never knowing who she was to me. And since pulling her from the depths of the cold water, realizing her identity, I hadn’t once taken a close look at the woman she’d become. When I awkwardly peeled her wet clothes from her body, I had to fight with myself to not study her every curve, her every mark, her every freckle. I had to force myself to keep at the task of getting her into dry clothes, not letting my eyes fall on places I’d only dreamt about before. And once I had her resting on the couch in front of me, I couldn’t look anywhere but her covered chest, studying the rise and fall of her breaths. But seeing her now, standing in front of me, her spine straight and shoulders squared, it became obvious that she was not the same girl from my past.

“Last night wasn’t the first time I’d seen you, Aubrey.”

“So you have been stalking me?” she asked with a raised eyebrow, and I couldn’t tell if she’d meant it as a tease or an accusation.

“No,” I gritted out through clenched teeth, frustration taking the front seat of my emotions at the moment. “I told you, I had no idea it was you until last night. I’ve been going to that lake a lot, and sometimes you’d show up. I like to sit against the trees, and when you’re there, I watch you for a few minutes before leaving to give you some privacy.”

“Gee, Axel…that sounds a lot like stalking.” This time, she didn’t sound as if she’d meant it as a joke. But it still didn’t come out as condescending or condemning.

I snapped my head side to side before slapping my palm hard on the drywall next to me out of unbridled irritation. “Just stop! I wasn’t there for you. Okay? You just happened to show up some nights. And on those nights, I simply observed your sadness. I watched the way you carried yourself to the dock with your shoulders down, your head down. You just seemed…down. Sad. Lonely. Fuck! I don’t know what you were, but happy and strong were never words that came to my mind when I’d see you.” The strained and heated words scorched my throat and left my cheeks burning.

“Then it’s a shame you haven’t seen me in the light of day, Axel,” she replied with a raised, furious voice, startling me at her aggressive argument. “I hate my job. But I need it, so I stay. You happen to see me on the nights after I leave work. And yes, maybe I appear sad in those moments, because on some level, I am. But that doesn’t mean I’m weak or unhappy. I’m not a sad person. Right now, I’m livid…doesn’t make me an angry person, either. You have no right to come back into my life after walking out of it six years ago and try to play the hero again. I. Don’t. Need. You.”

“Walking out of it?” I asked, practically screaming at her.

“Yes, Axel! You walked away! You packed everything up and vanished.” For the first time since asserting herself, she showed a crack in her façade. She gave me a glimpse of her true emotions regarding me and our past. Anger was a given, but she finally let me see what was beneath it—sadness, remorse, pain. “You know what? I can’t do this. I don’t want to do this. Just give me your phone so I can call for a ride.”

“That’s not going to happen,” I growled out. “We both still have feelings about how everything went down between us. We need to get those out. Maybe your life is all sunshine and fucking rainbows, but mine isn’t. We need to get to the bottom of this…get everything out—the anger, the regret, the unresolved emotions that have buried me whole.”

“Everything has always been all about you, hasn’t it?” Her eyes turned soft, saddened and dull. “After realizing your feelings for me, you got scared and ran, making the decision to end what we had without an ounce of concern for how that would affect my life. When shit went down at school, instead of taking me or my feelings into account, you just bolted. I made one decision for myself and you freaked out…ran away. Now here we are, after all this time, and it’s still all about you. You need to resolve things to ease your conscience. You need us to talk about it so you can move on with your life. When will you ever think of me? Huh? For once, Axel, think about someone other than yourself. I’m fine. I have a better life now than I did back then. Ripping open these old wounds won’t help me…they’ll only serve to hurt me.” Her voice shook, deceiving her strong persona.

Hearing Bree admit that she’d made a decision for herself back then only reinforced the burning pain of betrayal within me. “You have no right, Bree. You ruined my life. You set it on fire, and then stood back while it burned to the ground. Take some fucking responsibility for that. Do you have any regret for the one decision you made for yourself?” I wanted her to feel my anguish. I wanted to rip open her old wounds and stuff my pain inside of them, making her ache the same way I did.

Her gaze narrowed and her nostrils flared. The yellow of her eyes brightened in a way I’d never seen before. “Not for one single second. I have not one morsel of regret for that decision. It was mine, and I own it. No matter the outcome of it all. No matter how it molded my life, how it changed me…I have never and will never regret it. Because I’m smart enough to know I wouldn’t be who I am without it.”

I wanted to hit something, scream, yell, fight back. I wanted to shake her until she realized the damage her decision had caused me. And somewhere, deep inside, I wanted to numb it all with a drink. I hadn’t needed to fight that urge in over a year, but listening to her admit that confiding to the school about our relationship was something she’d never regret, invited back the need to drown out my pain. I hated it. I hated the pull that amber liquid had on me. I hated even more the pull she had over me. I wanted them both severed, but they seemed to be permanently attached. They were one and the same. One born from the other.

“I’m so glad that you feel no remorse over ruining someone else’s life. You clearly aren’t the person I thought you were.” I turned and opened the door wide, allowing the early morning light in.

I waited for Bree to follow, but she didn’t. I found her rooted to the same spot in my foyer, exactly where she’d been when I’d spewed my disgust at her. I didn’t want to look at her, knowing her indignation would set me off when I only wanted it all to go away. I wanted to take her to her car, drop her off, and then never see her again. But with one glance, one small and brief catch of her eyes, everything came crashing down. Her shoulders might’ve been squared and her lips set in a firm line, but the glistening layer that covered those wolf eyes gave away her true emotions.

“I didn’t ruin anyone’s life,” she cried out with a broken voice. And then her hard exterior crumbled. Keeping her tears in, she dropped her arms to her sides, holding her clothes in her balled fists. “I didn’t force you to fall in love with me. I never asked you to set your sights on me. Maybe you’ve forgotten, but I fought against your need to protect me. You’re the one that pushed. You wouldn’t leave me alone. I only came back to you because you left me the CD on my porch. I only pushed for our relationship because you made it clear it’s what we both wanted. As in…you wanted it, too. So don’t blame me.” The raw desperation in her tone made it clear that I’d missed something.

I stepped into the open doorway, pressed my palms on either side, and leaned in. My head tilted in confusion as I asked, “What in the hell are you talking about, Bree?”

“You’re trying to blame me for ruining your life.”

“Because you did!” I roared, using my arms to keep me close to her without getting in her face, causing her to flinch. “Loving you isn’t what ruined me. Trusting you is what did that. I trusted you, Aubrey. And you betrayed me.”

Her brow creased as she examined me, the confusion evident on her face. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, Axel. I never betrayed you.” Her voice had gone whisper-soft, filled with bewilderment and surprise.

My head grew fuzzy, probably a mixture of no sleep and the unexpected return of the one woman capable of flipping my world on its axis. I felt like we were talking in circles, neither of us comprehending the other. I dropped my chin to my chest and pulled in a full, cleansing breath of morning air.

Lifting my head back up to meet her narrowed gaze, I calmly said, “You told the school about us. You took what we had and gave them information that could’ve marked me as criminal.”

She shook her head vigorously, shuddering with each pass. “No. That’s not true.”

“How did they know about the times we spent in my back yard? Huh?” I slapped my palm hard against the wooden doorjamb, ignoring the way it caused her to wince and pull away. “How did they know about the phone? There’s no way they’d have known about any of that if you hadn’t told them. Because I know I never said a damn word to anyone!”

Her shoulders fell as her gaze landed on the floor by my feet. I didn’t need her words of admission to know I’d been right. Her posture said it all. And even though she claimed to harbor no regret over it, I could tell by the dismal expression on her face that somewhere deep inside, she felt it.

I pushed myself off the doorframe and started to turn around, but was stopped by her meek voice as she said, “I didn’t do it.”

I froze, stunned and unsure of how to react. Fury boiled in my veins over her pathetic attempt to lie, but then there was something else. Sympathy? I wasn’t sure what it was that settled into me, slightly calming the rage, but it was triggered by her intensely sorrowful tone.

“If that’s what you think happened…if that’s what you’ve thought for the last six and half years, then you’re wrong.”

I spun around, needing to see if her expression matched her tone. But what I found gutted me. A lone tear slipped past her lower lashes and cascaded down her cheek. Her normally bright eyes dimmed, appearing more golden than yellow, the light behind them burnt out.

The fight I’d carried inside of me for six years, and the anger that once kept me from going after her, vanished. But the pain…the pain over losing her, over the thought of spending my life without her, spread through me, weighing me down, suffocating me. I glanced down to her left hand, realizing that it was no longer simply a thought—it’d become my reality. I would spend the rest of my life without her. I had believed the worst of her, and lost her forever.

And there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it.