Текст книги "Hearts of Blue"
Автор книги: L. H. Cosway
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Текущая страница: 13 (всего у книги 21 страниц)
Fourteen
The next day when I took my lunch break, I decided to visit a nearby deli to grab a sandwich. When I’d woken up that morning, Lee was gone, a note on my bedside dresser from him saying he’d be back that night. My heart did a flip-flop, knowing that at the end of the day I’d get to see him again, get to lose myself in his body. It was a new sensation for me, because I’d never felt like this during any of my previous relationships, had never craved a man in a way that made me feel quite so…crazed.
My mind kept wandering as I replayed his words when we had sex, or remembered his smell or the feel of him. I was basically walking around in a continuous state of arousal, and it felt a little bit obscene.
Almost as though my thoughts had summoned him, I glanced across the street from the deli, and there he was. Lee stood speaking with two other men I recognised from his garage, which was just around the corner. I was in uniform¸ so I knew approaching him wasn’t an option, especially so close to the station. Not being discovered was key to this secret relationship we were conducting.
I chanced one last quick glance in his direction, and it was right at that moment that he looked up and saw me. His eyes flared, and I looked away swiftly. Hurrying inside the deli, I busied myself placing an order and tried to encourage my heart rate to slow down.
My skin prickled and I felt myself flush, suddenly recognising what was wrong with me. I was excited. Just knowing he was close sent my pulse racing. It was so wrong. When I emerged he was gone, and a sudden bout of disappointment hit me. Pulling my phone from my pocket, I was doubly disappointed to find he hadn’t sent me any messages or tried to call.
Continuing on my way back to the station, I let my thoughts wander to the day ahead and the paperwork I had to complete, when suddenly I was pulled around a corner and into an alleyway. The brown paper bag I was carrying fell to the ground as Lee crushed his mouth to mine in a kiss that sent adrenaline flooding my system. His arms pulled me in, but my uniform had too many layers and I couldn’t get quite close enough.
His hands came up to slid inside my shirt collar, gently cupping my neck as his tongue made me dizzy. When we finally broke apart, I was practically gasping for air, my cheeks heating and my chest rising and falling rapidly.
“I woke up this morning still inside you,” Lee whispered, his words making my tummy flutter. “Have you any idea how hard it was for me to leave?”
As he pressed his forehead to mine, his minty breath washed across my cheeks. He never broke eye contact when he moved one hand from my neck up to my lips, his thumb slipping inside my mouth. I moaned quietly, my head tilting back as I flicked my tongue over it and he slid it all the way in.
“Tonight,” said Lee, still whispering, “I’m gonna get you down on your knees and slide my hard cock into this pretty little mouth.” His shockingly dirty words turned me on, and I gasped quietly. He hummed low in his throat, his eyes fixed on his thumb as I felt the press of his erection against my hip. A second later his phone started ringing, and he growled in irritation.
“Fuck,” he swore, lowering his hand.
“I should be getting back to work,” I said, glancing around for my dropped lunch. It sat on the ground, relatively undamaged. I picked it up and straightened myself out. Lee grabbed my wrist, pulling me back to him and laying another intense kiss on me.
“Later,” he promised when he broke away, breathless. I nodded, trying to calm my nerves, and then he was gone. Swallowing harshly, I waited a few seconds before walking around the corner and heading back in the direction of the station. I’d only made it a few steps when I saw another uniform coming my way. I almost stumbled over my own feet as Steve walked toward me, a smug gleam in his eye. For a moment I wondered if he’d seen something, but then again, he always looked smug. There didn’t necessarily have to be a reason.
“Ah, picked up some lunch for me, did you, Karla? How kind,” he said, and I narrowed my gaze.
“Funny.”
Steve studied me, his thin eyebrows drawing together. “What’s got your knickers in a twist?”
Something about his close attention caused me to grow a little flustered as I answered harshly, “Nothing.” It was a mistake, because if I’d been acting normally I would have thrown some barb back at him. Now he looked suspicious. His gaze wandered over my shoulder, but I knew Lee was long gone. There was no way he could’ve seen anything. At least, I hoped there wasn’t.
“You’re acting strange,” he said with a thoughtful expression.
“Time of the month,” I threw back casually, regaining some of my composure. Steve screwed up his mouth in distaste while I strode past him and continued back to the station, all the while my heart pounded in my ears. That call was far too close for comfort.
I needed to be more careful.
***
My phone woke me early the next morning, and I rolled over to check who was calling. I frowned when I saw Tony’s number, knowing he’d never phone at this hour unless it was something important. My shift didn’t begin until midday, and I’d planned on allowing myself a few extra hours’ sleep.
Lee’s warm body surrounded mine, his breathing deep as he slept. He’d come over late last night after Alexis had gone to bed, and we’d been up until the early hours, hardly able to keep our hands off one another. I thought it was funny that he’d waited until Alexis was asleep, because my friend was far too savvy not to know something was going on. Plus, it wasn’t like I hadn’t already told her everything, unbeknownst to Lee, of course. My bed smelled like him, and memories of the previous night flooded my senses.
I sat on the edge of the mattress, staring up at him as he towered over me, his eyes dark with hunger.
“Take it out,” he murmured quietly, his throat bobbing as he swallowed. I reached forward, undoing the buckle of his belt and pulling down the zipper on his jeans. His erection was already outlined sharply against the fabric, and when I slid my hand inside and caressed him, he was harder than I’d ever felt.
“Put your mouth on me,” he urged, his voice strained.
I bent forward and pressed my lips to the side of his cock, then licked up the length of him. The masculine growl that emanated from deep in his chest made my thighs quiver as I lowered my mouth over his head. His hands fisted in my hair, the grip tight with an edge of pain that felt exhilarating. I began to move up and down in a leisurely rhythm. My eyes were closed, but when I opened them and looked up, I’d never seen such raw, animalistic need.
“Hello,” I said, my voice groggy as I answered the call, trying to clear my mind of thoughts of the night before. Lee’s body shifted slightly, but I couldn’t tell if the ringing had woken him or if he was still asleep.
“Karla, is there any chance you could come in early?” Tony asked, an urgency in his voice. “We’ve had some information about that garage you and Steve visited a couple weeks ago, the one owned by the Cross brothers.”
As soon as the words left his mouth, my body grew still, my thumb instinctively going to the button on the side of my phone and lowering the volume.
“Information?” I practically whispered.
“Apparently, it’s being used as a base to chop and store stolen cars until they’re ready to be shipped overseas. We’ve gotten a search warrant issued, but we need all hands on deck. I thought that since you’ve already been inside and know the layout of the place, you’d like to be on the team.”
Even though I was lying down, I felt like I might pass out. My pulse thrummed as I tried to figure out how to proceed. I still couldn’t tell whether or not Lee was awake, but if he was, could he hear what had just been said? Should I warn him that his garage was about to be searched? My gut sank as a horrible feeling took over. I was torn, didn’t know which side I was supposed to be on anymore.
“Okay, thanks for calling. I’ll be in as soon as I can,” I said, trying to keep my voice even.
“See you in a bit,” said Tony before hanging up, completely oblivious to the moral dilemma he’d just put me in.
Placing the phone back on my nightstand with shaky fingers, I felt my throat begin to tighten. Lee’s breathing was deep and even, so I thought he must have still been sleeping. Turning in his arms, I gripped his shoulder and gently shook him. He made a disgruntled noise at being woken, and it took him a few moments to open his eyes. I stared at him, the decision I had to make twisting me up inside.
“Snap,” he said, his blue eyes sharpening as he took me in. I let out a shuddering breath, and Lee’s expression sobered. He must’ve sensed something was up, but he didn’t comment on it. Instead, he asked, “What time is it?”
“Just after seven,” I answered.
“I’d better get going. I’ve got a meeting with a supplier at nine.”
Leaning forward, he placed a quick kiss on my lips before hopping out of bed. His swiftness caught me off guard, and I began to wonder if he’d been faking sleep, if he’d been listening to my entire conversation with Tony. It hit me suddenly that I’d been about to tell him everything, and it completely sobered me. I’d been about to warn a criminal that his business was going to be searched, and I’d barely even had to think twice about it. What the hell was happening to me? Being with Lee was changing everything, and I was one-hundred-percent sure I didn’t like it.
He dressed like normal, and there was nothing in his demeanour that made me think he was anxious to leave. He acted just like any man who had a meeting to get to; hurried, but not overly so. Maybe I was overreacting. Maybe he hadn’t heard the call. I sat up in bed, watching him dress, and when he was done he came toward me, kissing me one last time. Again, it was on the tip of my tongue to warn him, but I couldn’t seem to find my voice. Lee hovered for a second, his eyes flickering between mine, almost like he was waiting for me to say something, but that couldn’t be right.
As soon as he was gone, I got up, showered, and dressed, all within the space of half an hour. I had just enough time to grab a large coffee from Starbucks on my way to the station in lieu of a breakfast. When I arrived, I found DI Jennings in the briefing room, heading the search team. Steve had a list of the cars suspected of being stored at the garage, including all of the makes, models, and vehicle identification numbers.
All of a sudden, everything felt a little too real, and though I hadn’t yet eaten a thing, I was struck by a wave of nausea. Tony drove and I sat in the passenger seat, with Keira in the back as we made the short journey to the garage. Keira prattled on about the fight she’d been having with her boyfriend, but I barely registered what she was saying. On the outside I might have seemed calm, but on the inside I was panicking.
Why hadn’t I warned Lee?
Yes, he was guilty, and I’d always believed that guilty people deserved to be punished. But now that I had very real feelings for a guilty person, the lines were starting to blur. I pulled my phone from my pocket, on the cusp of typing out a message, but it was too late, and what on earth would I say to him anyway? It wasn’t like you could flush a stolen car down the toilet or hide it under a rug.
A minute later Tony pulled up outside the garage, joining a number of other police vehicles. Jennings was standing by the entrance, her mouth moving as she barked orders at the assembled officers. Tony, Keira, and I got out and joined the others right before Jennings turned and banged three times on the door. My heart hammered as I waited, hoping like hell that it wasn’t Lee who answered. In the end, it was Stu who appeared, and Jennings immediately announced herself and her intention to search the premises.
“No chance,” said Stu, standing tall and crossing his arms over his chest. “This is private property.” I was suddenly aware of his size, his broad shoulders and muscular arms, and how scary he appeared when facing down Jennings, who was half his size but just as fierce. She took her time pulling out the search warrant before smugly waving it in his face. Stu scowled at her for a long moment, but eventually stood back and let her pass.
Jennings turned and motioned for the search team to enter. I was one of the last to go inside, and when Stu saw me he shook his head, letting out a hard laugh as he shot me a look of pure disdain.
“Oh, this is fucking priceless,” he said, not a hint of humour in his voice. I was thankful nobody else was paying attention to him.
I was about to follow the others when Jennings stopped me in my tracks. “Sheehan, stay here and make sure no members of the public try to enter.”
I nodded at the instruction and went to stand by the door. The search team was noisy, barrelling through the garage, pulling open cabinets and toolboxes in search of anything even remotely suspect. Jennings knocked loudly on Lee’s office door, and I went utterly still when I heard him saying something to her, the irritation clear in his voice.
Stu stood just a couple of feet away, leaning against the wall with his arms folded as he continued to eye me.
“I warned Lee about you, and now look. Knew you were going to be nothing but trouble for us.”
“This hasn’t got anything to do with me,” I said quietly, fervently, unable to prevent the hitch in my voice.
Stu rolled his eyes. “Likely fucking story.”
“I’m not lying!” I whisper-hissed, glancing around to make sure nobody was listening. “I care about your brother a lot.”
“Not enough to warn him about all this, though,” Stu responded, motioning to the search team currently rifling through the place.
“I never planned for any of this to happen, and if I could rewind the clock, I would. I’d try to make a better decision, but you should know that all of this would have happened whether or not Lee and I became involved.”
He didn’t say anything, just continued to stare me down, and I was surprised I managed to stand my ground. Stu was nothing if not intimidating, especially when he was angry. Eventually he turned and walked in the direction of Lee’s office. I heard the two brothers talking and grew nervous, wondering if Stu was telling him that I was there. I expected Lee to come and find me at any moment, but it never happened. Over an hour passed, and I had to turn away a number of customers who stopped by. Clearly, there was a legitimate side to the business; I just didn’t know what percentage it was compared to the non-legitimate side.
My stomach was rumbling loudly, a reminder that I hadn’t eaten yet today, when Tony came over. There was a crease in his brow as he stared down at the clipboard he held, listing the stolen vehicles.
“I don’t understand,” he said, confused, and I perked up suddenly. “Not a single one of these motors matches the ones on this list.”
I let out a breath, whether in relief or surprise, I couldn’t say. “Do you think somebody gave Jennings bad information?”
“Either that, or someone tipped them off that we were coming,” said Tony, his gaze drifting around the room, and all of a sudden I knew. There was no suspicion in his voice, only a statement of fact, and yet my stomach twisted like he’d just pointed an accusatory finger right at me.
“Has Jennings been told?”
Tony nodded. “I just informed her. She’s on the warpath. Probably best to steer clear of her today.”
“I hear that,” I muttered, rubbing my fingers over my tired eyes.
It wasn’t bad information. Tony had hit the nail on the head. They’d known we were coming, and it was all down to me. This morning had gone from bad to worse. First I felt guilty for not warning Lee about the search, and now I was fuming that he’d pretended to be asleep while he’d quite clearly been listening to a private phone call. Whatever way you wanted to spin it, he’d taken advantage of our personal relationship and jeopardised my job in the process. But really, I was even angrier at myself, because I’d jeopardised it too just by being with him. I was also dumb enough to think I could trust him.
Whatever happened to the woman who’d said she’d never let herself say yes to Lee Cross?
She forgot to use her brain, that’s what. The more minutes that passed, the angrier I became. At some point I saw Jennings stride out of the garage, a face like thunder, and several members of the search team left with her. Only a few remained, and I took the opportunity to go and find Lee. He was standing in a back corridor of the building, one side of which led to a break room and the other to a bathroom. He had his back to me as he and Stu spoke in hushed tones. Looking behind me to make sure none of my colleagues were nearby, I grabbed Lee’s arm and yanked him inside the bathroom before he could react.
“Hey!” Stu yelled as I slammed the door shut and flicked over the lock.
“What the fuck?” Lee swore, his expression furious.
I took a step toward him. “Don’t look at me like that. I know what you did.”
He cocked an eyebrow and splayed his arms out. “Oh, yeah, and what’s that?”
“You took advantage of me, that’s what. You weren’t asleep this morning when Tony called, were you? You bloody well heard everything.”
Lee didn’t answer, just stared at me stonily. I let out a crazed laugh and placed my hands on my hips as I peered up at the ceiling. “God, how could I have been so stupid?” Suddenly, hurt began to mix in with my anger, a sharp pang shooting through my chest. “You and your brothers have probably been laughing at me all this time, laughing at the dumb cop who couldn’t see through your act.”
“You’re wrong,” Lee said firmly.
“Oh, yeah? Explain it, then.”
His expression softened by the tiniest fraction as he stepped closer. “I can’t do this right now, Karla. I’ll come over to yours later and we’ll talk, okay?”
His response made my temper flare as I pressed both hands to his chest and pushed him back. “You’ll do no such thing. I don’t want to see you after this, not ever. You’re just a little boy playing around with fire, only I’m the one who got burned.”
Before I could pull away, Lee caught my wrists, yanking my body to his as he glared down at me. “I was never a boy, not in this life. Even when I was a kid, I didn’t feel like one, so don’t give me that. And do you know how much I was willing you to say something this morning? Anything. But you didn’t breathe a word. Not one fucking word. I should’ve known you didn’t really give a shit about me after what happened with Liam. But no, I didn’t listen to my gut, I just let my cock lead me, thinking you were perfect. That makes me the stupid one, not you.”
His words cut me deep and I pulled at his grip, but he held me too tightly and I couldn’t break free. “Don’t you dare try turning this around.”
“Why not?” he asked, his warm breath hitting my cheeks. “Yes, I listened to your phone call, but you were going to let me walk out of your flat completely oblivious to the fact that I was about to be fucked over. You know this isn’t the life I’d choose if there’d been another option, yet you were going to let me go to prison, Karla. Let that sink in for a minute. It killed me when you didn’t say anything, and I waited. I gave you every opportunity.”
The hurt in his eyes was plain as day, and the wind went right out of my sails. “I wanted to tell you,” I whispered. “But I just…I just couldn’t.”
“Of course you couldn’t, because you care more about being a cop and saving all the people you perceive as innocent than you’ll ever care about me. You’ll never see that the world isn’t all black and white.” Anger and anguish mixed in his voice as it cracked around the edges, catching. “Sometimes the innocent ones are guilty only because the world didn’t give them a chance to stay innocent. Maybe I’m the one you should think about saving.”
Right in that moment my gut sank. His anger was too sad to be angry at in return, and for a second all I saw was a hurt little boy. When I spoke, I kept my voice gentle. “I’ve tried talking to you about going clean, but you won’t hear a word of it.”
His mouth twisted as he gestured around us. “Because I’m in too fucking deep, I told you that!”
“I can help you. There are things we can look into, procedures.”
Lee laughed harshly, shaking his head, “God, look at you, still a fucking cop. Always a fucking cop. Can you just be on my side for one bloody second?”
Any tenderness in my voice vanished, and my expression hardened. “I was a cop long before I met you, Lee, and I’ve barely even scratched the surface of knowing who you are, so how can you expect loyalty when it hasn’t been earned?”
He bent his head to look me directly in the eye, his lips mere centimetres from mine. “Don’t pretend like you can’t feel what’s between us.” He paused, his voice dropping low. “I’ve been deep inside you, Karla. I know who you are and you know who I am. You’re just too scared to admit it.”
I shook my head, refusing to listen to him rationalise so irrationally. “Lee, we need to be smart. This thing we’re doing is going to destroy us. Look what’s happened already. I love being with you, but all this” – I peered at him despairingly – “it’s not worth it.”
He shook his head. “You don’t believe that.”
“I do. I believe it. I’m not going to tell you how to live your life, but so long as it stays the same, we can’t be together. I’m sorry.”
I took a step back and he let me go. Tears prickled at my eyes, but I refused to let them fall, not wanting to look weak. Lee’s features turned hard, his eyes thin slices of blue. We stared at each other for a long time, until the tension in the small room became unbearable.
“I have to go,” I said, turning on my heel and unlocking the door. Stepping out into the hallway, I found it was empty, the garage quiet now that most of the search team had left. Lee didn’t call for me to stay or come after me, and as I walked away from him, I brought my fingers to my cheeks, wiping away the tears.
