Текст книги "Walk Through Fire"

Автор книги: Kristen Ashley

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Текущая страница: 26 (всего у книги 32 страниц)

I knew this now because those barriers were eroding.

Through chitchat while cooking, horsing about, and eating beef Stroganoff at my bar, Cleo introduced me to the real Cleo.

And she was a love.

Sure, she adored her father and wanted his approval.

But when it wasn’t something she was working at, when it was just a natural part of her, coupling that with Logan’s reaction to it, it was sweet to the point it was downright cute.

So cute it gave a happy glow that I was beside myself with glee I got to bask in it.

Though it was more.

She was unreservedly delighted when I let her give fresh food to the cats. When I asked about dance, she’d timidly (then with my encouragement and compliments, not so timidly) showed me some of the moves they were rehearsing for their routine, so damned adorable doing this in my kitchen, I felt even more glow warming me to my bones.

And she didn’t hide how much she liked my house and the studio when I took them on a guided tour of both after the dinner dishes were done, saying to me shyly while standing in the guestroom, “It’ll be fun when we get to sleep over, Millie.”

More glow.

Further adding to this goodness, it seemed that as all this went on, Zadie was studying it, watching Cleo come out of her shell and my reaction to it. And I hoped, in watching, that she’d find she’d want to start building something like that with me too.

Now things were winding down. We were going to hang in front of the TV with a batch of cupcakes from Tessa’s Bakery that I’d picked up on the way back from my meeting. We were going to do something normal that a family would do at the end of the day before Logan had to take them back to their mom’s.

The girls were selecting seats (Zadie, not surprisingly, pulling a princess and getting the cuddle chair, Cleo, not suffering in getting the love seat) and Logan had claimed his, the corner of the couch.

He also claimed me. His hand catching mine, he was pulling me down beside him when I watched Poem struggle up into the love seat with Cleo, unable to jump that height, so she used her claws.

Seeing that, I put tension in my arm to resist Logan’s pull and looked around, asking, “Anyone seen Chief?”

I asked this because I hadn’t. Not since Cleo gave them fresh food before we sat down for dinner.

Chief and Poem had settled in to their new abode, putting up with me loving on them, enjoying me playing with them, and were currently in the throes of figuring out who ruled the roost.

This meant a lot of kitty wrestling.

However, I’d noticed that Chief was winning. Poem was starting to hang back and wait to see where Chief would claim before she decided to challenge his claim or allow it.

It was rare when they weren’t both around, jockeying for position.

Rare as in, it never happened.

But Chief was nowhere to be seen.

“Haven’t seen him, babe,” Logan muttered.

I looked to Cleo, who had a hand stretched to a skittish Poem but her eyes to me. “I haven’t either.”

“Think he went outside when we went to your office,” Zadie stated, and my eyes shot to her, my blood freezing in my veins.

“What?” I whispered.

She stared at me and I was way too freaked to see anything but confusion in her face. “Not sure but I think I saw him wander outside when we went out—”

I tore my hand from Logan’s and raced to the back door, throwing it open and sprinting outside.

It was cold. It was dark.

And my Chief was tiny.

They were not going to be outside cats and not because they cost a fortune and had bushy coats that were hard enough to keep tamed as indoor cats and this would be impossible if they went outdoors.

But because I’d read that indoor cats lived longer than outdoor cats. Way longer. Like... years.

Further, they’d showed not the first sign of being interested in the outdoors or being bored with the playroom of a house they’d already been given.

So they were good indoors, which was where they were going to stay.

But now Chief had gotten out. A baby, tiny, anything could happen to him. He could get lost. He could be attacked and stand no chance. Not even if a bird swooped down.

Oh God.

God.

How had I not noticed him getting out?

“Chief,” I called, my eyes darting around as I quickly roamed the courtyard. “Come on, baby. You out here? Chief?”

“Chief.” I heard Cleo call. “Here kitty-kitty. Here Chiefy-Chiefy.”

I then heard the gate to the backyard open and looked that way to see Logan prowl through it with a flashlight.

“Chief!” I cried, moving toward the studio. “Come here, kitty. Come to Momma, baby.”

Cleo called. I called. I felt and saw her searching with me. I skirted the entirety of the outside of the studio. Cleo and I then moved down the drive and searched the front of the house. Cleo was edging toward my neighbor’s yard when I headed the opposite way and saw Logan stalking down the drive.

I raced to him.

“Nothing?” I asked, my voice pitched high with panic.

He looked toward his daughter. “Clee-Clee. Come back with me.”

I grabbed on to his thermal for the second time that day but in an entirely different way.

When I got his attention, I cried frantically, “Did you find something?”

“Open space up here, baby,” he said gently. “More hiding places back there. Need two sets of eyes. You keep lookin’ up here.” He glanced around. “Where’s Zadie? She not helpin’ you up here?”

I didn’t know where Zadie was and the only thing on my mind in that moment was where Chief was.

“I don’t know.”

“I’ll go back with you, Daddy,” Cleo said, already rushing up the drive.

“Keep lookin’,” Logan urged to me as I stood frozen and stared after Cleo.

I aimed my eyes to him. “He’s so tiny.”

He lifted a hand to curl it around the side of my neck. “Keep lookin’, baby.”

“He’s so tiny, Low. Just a baby. What if a dog—?”

He gave my neck a squeeze. “Keep lookin’. Hear?”

It was the hear? that got me.

I pulled my shit together, nodded, moved away, and hurried toward my neighbor’s yard. I sensed Logan going back up the drive.

I barely got into the yard, calling out to Chief and heading to my neighbor’s door to knock on it and ask if they’d seen my cat, then beg them to help us look when I heard Logan bellow, “Millie!”

I sprinted toward his voice, which meant up the drive and into my courtyard.

When I arrived, I saw Cleo was standing at the back gate. Logan was standing several feet away from the back door to my house.

Zadie was standing in the opened door, holding Chief tight to her throat.

“I found him—” she started.

She didn’t get it all out. I flew to her and tried (but failed) to keep my shit together as I pulled Chief out of her hold and into mine.

I cuddled him close, whispering, “Oh, God. Oh, baby. I’m so glad you’re safe.”

“Where’d you find him?”

My relief was pierced when this was barked by Logan.

“In-inside,” Zadie stammered her reply.

At her tone, I took a step back so I could look at her.

She was looking at her father and doing it looking terrified.

And guilty.

Then I looked to Logan, who simply looked infuriated.

He’d read his daughter’s look.

“M-m-maybe I was wrong,” she went on. “Maybe I-I-I didn’t see him run out.” Her eyes glanced off me before looking beyond me. “F-f-found him curled up on that long chair in your bedroom.”

“Everyone inside,” Logan snarled, and I held Chief closer as Logan waited for Cleo to dash inside before he strode purposefully toward the door.

I darted a hand out when he got close to me, wrapping it around his forearm to waylay him.

He looked down at me and he was my man, I knew him. I knew the old him and the new him. And I knew, even with the fury burning into me from his gaze, he’d handle this and not lose it (too much).

But still, at the look on his face, I had to fight back quailing.

“Take a second,” I whispered, still holding a now squirming Chief close. “Take a breath.”

He didn’t take a second and he didn’t take a breath. He twisted his arm from my hold but in turn took hold of my hand and dragged me (and Chief) into the house.

He slammed the door and Chief jumped in my arms, starting to claw when he heard the loud noise.

Then Logan dragged us into the living room where Zadie was now standing, looking more terrified and still guilty. Her sister was standing several feet to her side, looking at her like she wanted to shake some sense into her.

Logan let my hand go, and before he let loose the wrath I felt sweltering from him, I hurriedly spoke.

“Okay, everyone,” I started. “It’s all good.” I kept talking as I bent to release Chief on the floor. He scampered away and I straightened. “Chief’s here. He’s safe. Let’s all take a quick moment to collect ourselves—”

Logan cut me off.

“Right now. The truth,” he demanded of his youngest. “You see that cat run out the door?”

“I thought—” she began.

He bent forward and thundered, “The truth!”

Her chin quivered and it took her some time to get up the nerve, the time she took building more heat in her father, so it was fortunate she found the courage before he exploded (again).

“N-no,” she whispered.

“So you’re standin’ there tellin’ me you scared the shit outta Millie just to be a snot,” Logan declared.

I put a hand to his biceps and held tight.

“Low, you need to take a moment,” I advised.

He didn’t even look at me.

He kept his gaze pinned to his girl.

“Answer me,” he demanded.

“I...” she started, trailed off, looked to me, and burst into tears as she burst into a flurry of words. “I’m sorry! It was mean! I didn’t think you’d get so scared! I thought you’d look inside first and find him!” Her watery eyes went to her father. “I’m sorry, Daddy. I didn’t mean to scare her that bad.”

Logan was immune to her tears. “But you meant to scare her.”

She pulled in a painful, hiccoughing breath, still bawling, nodded, and looked at me. “Not that bad, though. Swear. Swear! Not that bad!”

“It’s okay, sweetie,” I said gently.

“It fuckin’ is not,” Logan bit out.

I looked to him. “Low,” I said, this time quietly. “Careful. Language.”

Again, he didn’t even look at me.

But he did gesture to me, jerking his head my way.

“Love her,” he growled. “Bottom of my soul, straight to my gut, I love this woman. Told you that so you already know she’s got that from me. But she decided she didn’t give a shit about my girls and did nasty things to you that made you hurt or made you scared, she’d be gone. She’d never see my face again. She’d be history. Now, love her and love you, Zade. So you do that shit to her, what am I supposed to do with you?”

Zadie’s hiccoughing sob tore at my heart but still, I had it in me to move swiftly to Zadie, pull her into my side, wrapping both arms around her, while snapping irately, “Logan! Calm down!”

Finally, he looked to me. “It’s not okay what she’s done.”

“You’re right and the lesson is obviously a hard one but I think she’s learning it,” I returned.

“I agree but I gotta make sure she learns it in a way she won’t forget,” he shot back.

“I’m thinking that’s working,” I retorted.

He looked to his girl. “It working?”

She nodded her head desperately.

Poor thing.

I lifted a hand and swept her beautiful, thick, soft dark hair from her face, then bent to her and used my thumb to wipe her cheeks.

“Okay, darling, it’s over now,” I said gently. “All done. All good. Okay?”

She turned wet eyes to me and didn’t get a chance to answer because Logan ordered, “Get your shit. I’m takin’ you back to your mother’s.”

That was not a good idea. We needed to calm this here and now and move on.

I straightened and glared at him.

Zadie pulled away from me.

I didn’t get a shot to try to get Logan to step into another room with me so we could chat about what was going on. He turned and strode to his cut that was hanging on the hook by the back door. He shrugged it on and handed his girls’ jackets to each in turn as they hesitantly moved to him. He then swiped his car keys off the counter and came to me.

Hooking me at the neck, he gave me a quick, hard kiss and muttered, “I’ll be back.”

After that, he let me go, walked through his girls and right out the door.

“Uh... see you later, Millie,” Cleo said shakily.

All I was able to do was nod before she followed her father.

Zadie began to move after her sister but I quickly moved, too, grabbing her hand so she was forced to walk with me.

Logan was behind the wheel, Cleo closing her door at the front passenger side so I moved Zadie to the passenger side back.

I stopped her before she could reach high to open the door, and with a tug at her hand, turned her to me.

“He loves you, sweetie,” I told her a truth I hope she knew in her heart. “He’ll cool down and it’ll be okay.”

I spoke these words and then watched her face twist in a way so ugly, I dropped her hand.

“He hates me,” she spat. “Because of you. Which means I hate you.”

Right.

So maybe she didn’t learn her lesson.

I had a split second to make a choice.

I made it when she turned away from me and reached to the door.

I reached beyond it, crowding her and pressing my hand into the door so she couldn’t open it and was forced to turn back.

The instant she did, I bent to her and declared, “I love him. Bottom of my heart, straight through my soul, I love your dad. And when you love someone like that, your only reason for breathing is to make him happy. I want that more than anything, to make him happy. And I can make him happy in a lot of ways, Zadie, but the only thing that would make him truly happy through and through is if all his girls got along. I know this is hard on you. I’m very sorry it’s hard. You might not believe that but my heart breaks for you, what you want you can’t have and learning that so young. It’s tough, the toughest lesson you can learn in life. So tough, people a lot older than you don’t learn it until it’s too late. But sometimes we gotta let go of what we want when it isn’t to be had, find a new dream and work for that. I want that dream for your dad. And I hope you’ll find some way to want that with me so we can work together and give it to him.”

I delivered that speech, straightened away from her and the door, and took a step back.

She glared up at me a moment before she turned away, reached high, tugged open the door, and hauled her little girl body inside.

She slammed it.

I sighed and backed away from the truck.

Logan gave me a chin lift and Cleo gave me a wave that was back to hesitant before he instigated his multipoint turn to drive away.

As he did this, I moved to the door and stood in it until I couldn’t see them anymore.

Only then did I go inside.

*  *  *

I heard the truck on his return.

Therefore, I was sitting on the arm of the couch, facing the back door, when Logan got back.

He came in, eyes to me before he turned away, closed the door, unarmed and rearmed the alarm, and locked the door.

He then walked to me.

I spread my jeans-clad legs so he could get close but kept my seat.

He got close, walking to stand between my legs.

He then lifted a hand to cup my cheek. “You okay?”

I put my hands to his flat stomach. “You were hard on her.”

“Didn’t ask your opinion ’bout how I dealt with my kid,” he replied—not mean, he just had other things on his mind that took precedence. “You okay?”

“Chief’s all right and was never in any danger so, yes. I’m fine about that.” I shook my head but did it while he held his touch. “Not sure I’m fine with how you dealt with it.”

“Nasty’s escalating. No tellin’ where she’ll take it if I don’t nip it in the bud.”

“She told me outside your truck she hated me because now you hate her.”

His jaw got hard before he asked, “And what’d you say to that shit?”

“I told her I loved you and it was my job to make you happy and I hoped she’d help me do that.”

“Good cop, bad cop.”

I stared.

Then I asked, “What?”

“Babe, I lost it and I get that you think it was over the top but it wasn’t. That shit was not right and no way she should even have a hint of thinkin’ that was okay. Not to get what she wants from me. Not to get what she wants from a teacher. Or kids at school. Not ever. Through that, you didn’t pile shit on her with me. You were calm. You were nice. You were forgiving. She got it rough from me so what you were givin’ her didn’t sink in. My girl’s bein’ a snot but she’s not stupid. She’ll think on it and clue in.”

“So you were that hard on her because you wanted to make me the good guy?” I asked in disbelief.

He bent slightly to me to get his face closer to mine. “I was that hard on her because she deserved it.” When I opened my mouth, he stated, “Bottom line. Burns in me my baby girl’s even got it in her to do somethin’ that fucked up. So, Millie, she deserved it.”

I had to admit, I saw his point there.

“Deb’s gonna hear about this,” he continued. “And she’s not gonna be happy. She doesn’t put up with crap like that. She offered to wade in. I’m gonna call her and tell her she’s up.”

That was a surprise.

“She offered to wade in?”

He dropped his hand from my face and straightened to look down at me from his full height.

“Talked to her after last weekend so she’d know I got this battle on my hands with Zadie and I intend to win it. She said she’s on board however I need her to help. She also said she wants to meet you and I’m thinkin’ that’s a good idea.”

That was also a surprise and a scary one.

Not the part that he’d talked to his ex.

One thing I knew for certain about men like Logan was, you trusted them. You didn’t invade their phones. You didn’t search their cars. You didn’t listen in on calls. You didn’t ask them to account for every second of their days. You trusted them to do right, if not all the time, at least by you.

He and Deb shared kids, so he was going to talk to her and I wasn’t going to be the woman in his life that demanded he detail every conversation they had.

No.

The scary surprise wasn’t that.

It was that she wanted to meet me.

I barely controlled my voice pitching high when I asked, “What?”

“You meet her. You two connect. Not sayin’ you guys are gonna be best buds. What I’m sayin’ is, you meet her, you connect, we do somethin’, the three of us with the girls. Maybe not dinner but maybe she drops ’em off here, comes in, you make her welcome. She has a drink and a chat, takes off before we take the girls out to do somethin’. They see you and Deb gettin’ on and Deb supportin’ what we got, they’ll move toward doin’ the same thing.”

This was actually somewhat ingenious.

“That’s not a bad idea, Low.”

His brows shot up in manly affront. “I know it’s not.”

“Are you... is she... ?” I shook my head and started again. “Are you sure she’s cool with meeting me?”

“She wants me happy.”

I stared at him again.

Then I muttered, “I seriously don’t get what you had with her.”

“Two kids. That’s it,” he replied, even though I didn’t expect a response. “It’s totally fucked. Lived the whole time with her knowin’ that. It’s just the way it is with her. She’s not a woman you love. She’s not even a woman you try to make happy ’cause you’ll fail. She’s just a woman. And she’s good with that. She says she’s happy. Cleo says she’s happier without me there. She’s got what she wants, two daughters she can give what she’s got to give without tryin’ to pretend she has somethin’ with her man. But she’s also a decent woman and she says she wants me happy. I believe that because she’s a decent woman. Now we both got what we want so it ain’t fucked anymore. It just is.”

“I have to admit, you having a non-psycho, pining, or pissed-off ex is definitely a plus to our ongoing situation,” I blurted.

Logan grinned.

“Yeah. Deb gave me two beautiful girls and not much else. But she’s givin’ us that. Outside my girls, best thing she can give.”

As insane as that was, it was also true.

I stood, and since he didn’t move an inch when I did, this put us deep in each other’s space.

When I got there, I pushed my hands in his cut so I could curl them in the sides of his shirt.

Only then did I carefully advise, “You need to have more patience with Zadie.”

Logan lifted his hands and rested them lightly where my neck met my shoulders. “She’s had ten years of patience from her old man, baby. This is a monster I created. It’s tough work, I didn’t like doin’ that to her, but I gotta do the work to beat back the monster and bring out my little girl. I know she hasn’t givin’ you any of it, babe, but when she’s not bein’ like that, which she’s never been as bad as that, but she still can be a princess, she’s sweet as can be. God’s honest truth. She’s funny and full a’ love. And I want her to give you that.”

“I understand that,” I replied. “But you need to have more patience, Logan.”

He looked into my eyes before he agreed by nodding.

I let go of his shirt, pushed closer, and wrapped my arms around him, tipping my head way back as I erased any space between us while watching him tip his head way down to keep my eyes.

“You only had half of what you wanted for a long time. I understand tasting the promise of getting it all and wanting that to happen now,” I said quietly.

“Yeah,” he murmured, stroking my throat with one of his thumbs.

“What you have to get, Snooks, is that we’re all here, all you wanted you now have, and things might not be great right now, but we’re not going anywhere.”

He dipped his head even closer so all I could see was his eyes and I could feel the whisper of his nose.

“Yeah,” he repeated, sweeping his thumb along my jaw.

“Now, are you okay?” I asked, and watched his eyes smile.

“Yeah,” he said again.

“Good,” I whispered.

“Be a whole lot better, you dropped to your knees and got down to business.”

I felt my eyes widen then narrow before I rolled them to the ceiling.

“Sex on the brain,” I said to the ceiling.

“Babe, you haven’t blown me in three days.”

I rolled my eyes back to him. “You’re counting?”

“Do I have a dick to be blown?” he asked.

“Yes,” I snapped.

“Then fuck yeah I’m counting.”

I unwound my arms from him so I could plant my hands on my hips, suggesting, “How about we make that thirteen days?”

“You can keep your mouth from my cock that long, have at it.”

“Like you’re down with that,” I scoffed.

“Nope,” he said. “But done with this conversation seein’ as I’m about to be down on something else.”

“Logan!” I snapped.

He moved a hand to my chest, pushing me so I fell over the arm of the couch.

I landed and had no chance to get my body under my control before his hands clamped on my hips and yanked them to the arm so my ass was resting there.

Then they went to my zipper.

“Logan,” I whispered.

In the end, it was Logan who dropped to his knees.

He didn’t mind.

I didn’t either.

I so didn’t.

Not even a little bit.