Текст книги "Walk Through Fire"

Автор книги: Kristen Ashley

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Текущая страница: 19 (всего у книги 32 страниц)

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

It’s Chaos

High

HIGH SAT IN Bonnie Brae Tavern with the remains of a huge-ass pizza on the table between him and his girls in their booth.

Cleo was on her ass, munching.

Zadie was on her knees, leaning into the table, devouring.

It was rare she didn’t sit like this, his baby girl. He figured she did it because she always had to be ready to launch herself into any adventure that came her way.

Same with how his Cleo was sitting. Life would be what it would be and she’d face it on her own terms.

As planned, he’d picked them up from school. He’d taken them home. He’d made sure they did their schoolwork and straightened up the breakfast dishes in the kitchen so their mom didn’t come home from work to face that shit. Ditto with their rooms.

Then, before Deb got home, he took them out.

He and Deb limited the amount of time they spent in each other’s presence. Not that they didn’t get along. Just that any of that kind of thing could get Zadie’s hopes up.

They didn’t make a habit of avoiding each other so the girls wouldn’t worry that things between them were deteriorating. They just didn’t spend much time together—the occasional dinner and the usual hand-off of visitation being the exceptions—so the girls would know it was cool but wouldn’t think anything beyond that.

Now, the occasional dinner would stop. Deb would be okay with that. But any time he had the girls outside his weekends¸ that time would be spent with Millie.

Since he picked them up, the vast majority of the conversation had been about what they’d done during the dump of snow, even though most of this was hanging in front of the television. Even if it was, Zadie could make wild stories up about anything. She could jabber in the Olympics and win gold, including doing this about lazing around and watching TV.

But the pizza was almost decimated. He needed to get them home so Deb could get them settled before bed. And he needed to get back to Millie.

Even so, these times were now rare, so when he had them, he savored them. That meant High sat back, watching his girls eating, Zadie doing it babbling, and he gave himself a moment to take them in.

And while he did, not for the first time, he noted that, apparently, his genes were dominant.

They had nothing of their mother in them.

Deb was blonde and blue-eyed. When she’d started to go gray, she shocked the shit out of him by caring and turning to a bottle. She did that in their bathroom, stinking up the place, something he didn’t like. But he didn’t say anything because it wasn’t worth it with the result since what she did made her look good.

She was pretty. She was relatively petite.

And she didn’t look anything like her girls.

She also didn’t look like Millie.

Millie was five-seven, which meant she had length to her, long shapely legs he got off on, but she was short enough she could put on heels and he’d still top her. Millie also had meat on her. A round ass. Full tits. A bit of a belly even back in the day when they were younger, something she hadn’t lost in the time in between.

He liked it. All of it. Even before Millie, the shape of Millie was what attracted him to a woman.

Deb was five-four. She was careful with what she ate. She worked out on her lunch hour and went to the gym on the weekends. She had to be at least five pounds underweight.

At her height, it looked good. Her tits grew when she had the girls and she didn’t lose them and that looked good too.

But there was not much to hold on to. Not much to dominate in bed. He’d fucking loved hauling Millie’s ass around (and still did). Getting her where he wanted her, positioning her how he wanted her.

Deb got off on that, mildly, but there was no challenge to it. Fuck, he could throw her across the room without any effort. Not that he’d do that shit. Still, nothing was worth it that didn’t take work.

If Deb wasn’t at work and even when she wasn’t at the gym, she lived in workout gear. Skintight running pants. Those spaghetti strap camisoles in breathable fabrics. Adding a jacket when it got cold. Running shoes on her feet.

He’d like to see Millie filling out any of that shit.

What he wouldn’t like, and didn’t, was that being all he got.

Neither of their girls leaned toward their mother in any way. Both of them had his hair, very dark brown, lots of body and wave. They had his dark brown eyes too. They also had his frame. Long legs, proportioned torsos. They were tall for their age, so they were going to get his height.

They were already beautiful.

When that beauty ripened, he was going to be fucked.

Worse, they were girls. They liked clothes. Hair shit. Boy bands. And Cleo was already asking to use makeup.

So that meant, when they got older, and the lure of boys got keener, he was absolutely going to be fucked, not just because they’d turn their attention to guys, but the way they looked, boys would turn their attention to his babies.

But that was, he hoped to God, a few years away.

Right then, he had other shit to face.

And he needed to get down to it and face it.

“Babies,” he called, and Zadie’s eyes shot right to him even as she stuffed a piece of pepperoni in her mouth.

He grinned at her and looked to Cleo.

She was watching him soberly and doing it chewing with her mouth shut like her momma taught her.

High leaned forward. “Need to share somethin’ with you,” he told them gently. “Somethin’ important.”

Zadie threw her arms straight into the air as she cried, mouth full of pepperoni, “You got a house!” She dropped her arms and leaned into her hands on the table. “Can we go see? This weekend? After school? Do we have a big bedroom?”

He’d found a house.

But more, he’d got back the woman in it.

“It’s not a house, Zadie,” he replied.

Her face fell like he’d told her the world was coming to an end, but worse, it had run out of ice cream so she couldn’t stuff her face with it until the end of days.

“What is it, Daddy?” Cleo asked quietly, and he looked to his big girl.

“Straight up, worried how you both are gonna take this. So straight up, I’ll tell you again, it’s important. It’s important to me. And it’s important to me you both get what it means to me.”

Cleo’s face went guarded.

Zadie’s eyes got big.

High took in a breath and shared, “There was once a woman I knew who meant a lot to me. We’ve reconnected and found that didn’t fade with the years. We’re back together.”

Zadie collapsed back, ass to heels.

Cleo’s lips parted.

“She was before your mom,” High continued. “Haven’t seen her in longer than you been alive. But we’re back. She’s in my life. And I want you to meet her.”

“What about Mom?” Zadie asked, and High focused on her.

“Mom and Daddy are divorced, Zade,” Cleo informed her sister matter-of-factly before High could get in there. “And since they are, you need to deal.”

“Cleo, baby, be sweet,” High said quietly.

“She needs to deal, Daddy,” she returned.

“You aren’t wrong, Clee-Clee, but you gotta be cool with your sister,” he replied.

She looked away, not miffed, embarrassed.

He and his Cleo were tight. They had a bond. Normally, she could do no wrong in her father’s eyes and she knew it. Blossomed under it. Fucking loved it.

So whenever he laid it out, she wasn’t good at handling it.

“This sucks,” Zadie snapped, and High looked to her. “You and Mom belong together,” she declared.

He opened his mouth but Cleo got there before him again. “Wake up, Zade. That’s so not true.”

“Cleo,” High said low.

She shut her mouth.

“You wake up, Clee-Clee,” Zadie, eyes narrowed at her sister, shot back.

“Zadie, darlin’, look at your old man,” High prompted.

She turned narrowed eyes and pouting mouth his way.

“What your mom and I had is done, baby. She’s moved on. I’m movin’ on,” he explained.

“She hasn’t moved on,” Zadie returned angrily.

“She has, Zade. She’s like, so totally cooler now that Daddy’s not around,” Cleo stated then her eyes darted to her father. “Sorry, Daddy. But it’s true.”

“I get that,” he replied. “And givin’ that to your mom and gettin’ some of that myself is why we split.”

“You’re happier with Mommy,” Zadie declared, and got her dad’s attention back.

“I was happier bein’ with you,” he shared gently. “And now I’ll be happy, you be a good kid, take your dad’s back, meet Millie and open your mind because you meet her, you can’t help but like her.”

“Millie’s a stupid name,” she spat nastily.

The gentle went out of High and he did what he rarely did.

He stared into his baby girl’s eyes, not as her daddy, but as her father.

She fell to her hip in defeat and looked angrily at the edge of the table.

“I’ll be glad to meet her, Daddy,” Cleo said, and got her father’s smile.

“I’ll be glad to meet her, Daddy,” Zadie mimicked obnoxiously, and got her father’s attention.

“Zadie, look at me.” She stared at the edge of the table. “Won’t say it again,” he warned. Slowly, taking her time, she looked to him. “You’re upset, be upset at me. You’re feelin’ a lot and I get that. I know you don’t like what’s goin’ down and I don’t like that, but I can’t help it. All I can do is help you move along with your sister and me, and yes, your mom, but with your mom it’s in a separate way. What you do not do, ever, Zade, is take anything out on your sister. That’s not cool and both my girls are cool. Don’t prove that different.”

He got her with that.

Deb might not have been hip on Chaos but both his girls were brought up in the life. They had their father’s blood.

They were raised in his world.

They knew it was a priority to be cool.

He saw her chin wobble before she dropped her head to look at her lap.

“Hand,” he ordered.

Slowly, but with hesitation, not attitude, Zadie extended her hand on the table.

High wrapped his fingers around her little ones, and feeling their fragility, their warmth, the knowledge he had a part in creating those fingers, the pulse that beat in her wrist, he relaxed.

He also knew she might not make it easy, but she was her daddy’s girl.

She’d get there.

He gave her fingers a squeeze. “I need you to dig deep, Zadie. You got some time to dig deep and get there.” He looked to Cleo but kept hold of Zadie and went on, “But I got you this weekend and we’re spendin’ time with Millie. She’ll give us our space but we’ll be spendin’ a lot of time with her. And you’re my girls. I want you to show her how beautiful you are outside and all the way deep down. Will you do that for me?”

“Yes, Daddy,” Cleo said instantly.

“Yes, Daddy,” Zadie said a lot more slowly, doing that to her lap and tugging her hand from his so he let her go.

He got that. He wasn’t going to push for more.

So he let more than Zadie’s hand go and asked, “Anyone want dessert or just me?”

“Cherry cream cheese pie,” Cleo declared.

He winked at his big girl and looked to his baby, who still had eyes to her lap.

“Zadie?” he prompted.

“Cinnamon bun ice cream,” she muttered.

Deb would tell her to look at her mother (or her father) while she was speaking.

High didn’t push shit like that. She was feeling a lot, she was a little kid, and she needed space in her head to sort through it.

So he left her to it and flagged down a waitress.

He ordered his girls’ dessert.

They ate it.

He paid the bill.

Then he got to the part that sucked, even when Zadie’s dreamworld had been crushed and she was in a mood because of it.

He took them home and left, leaving them behind.

*  *  *

He walked into the back door to Millie’s house and saw Joker slouched back in her big chair, Millie stretched out on her couch, and that British program on the TV.

But before he even stepped through the door, he saw Millie’s head up and her eyes to him over the arm of couch.

She’d heard his truck.

She was glad he was home.

“You’re torturing a brother with that shit program?” he asked.

The gladness leaked out of her face as attitude took its place.

“It’s not shit,” she returned. “Joker actually likes Downton Abbey.”

High looked to his brother.

Joker was already looking at him and High could see at a glance that was bullshit.

He was putting up with it because she was Millie.

He’d probably do the same thing with his woman, Carissa.

Many brothers in hard ways, and the older brothers who’d been around awhile in hard ways they learned in the brotherhood, knew what was important.

They all knew a TV show was not that.

“You’re off duty,” High told Joker, and saw the relief.

He wanted to be home with his woman and her kid, a kid who was not Joker’s kid but the man treated him that way.

And he wanted to be free of Downton Abbey.

High felt for him having to watch that program but Joker was there because High asked him to be.

The brothers all had assignments on the Valenzuela deal and there was work to do at the shop and store.

High wanted Joker on Millie.

It wasn’t that he didn’t trust his other brothers. It was that he liked the kid. They were tight. He felt something coming from him. The important kind of something that came from having a shit life, knowing what he was missing, and going all out to find it.

And keep it safe.

Joker found it with Chaos.

Then he found it with his woman and her kid.

And he’d go all out to keep who or what was important to any brother safe.

Truth was, they all would.

But for Joke, he was young, but he’d taken his licks, too many of them, and that ran deeper.

Joker pushed out of his chair, muttering, “Later, Millie.”

She called, “Xbox pause,” and shoved up, getting to her feet, following Joker to the back door, saying, “It was cool you looking out for me.”

“Not a problem,” Joker stated, caught High’s eyes, and said, “Brother.”

“Brother,” High replied as Joker moved past him and Millie got close to him.

He took hold of her. He let his brother hit the back door.

“Looking forward to meeting Carissa and Travis,” Millie said.

Joker looked back to her, hand on the handle. “She’ll be the same. We’ll get on that.” He jerked up his chin to her, slid his eyes to High, then moved out.

High let Millie go and followed him. He locked the door, went to the alarm panel, armed it, and then looked out her window.

Someone had brought Joker’s truck. He was in it and backing out of Millie’s driveway.

High turned to Millie.

There she was.

No sexy tight turtleneck, sexier tight skirt, and sexy as all fuck boots.

No sexy jammies either.

Instead, dark gray, loose-legged pants that still clung to her hips and a thin, tight, light pink long-sleeved top that had a deep vee showing cleavage.

Nice.

He moved her way.

“How’d it go with the girls?” she asked.

“Think Cleo’s lookin’ forward to meetin’ the woman in her dad’s life ’cause she loves her dad and wants him happy.” He got to her, put hands to her hips as she lifted hers and settled them on his chest under his shoulders. Once they had hold, he shuffled her back. “Think Zadie’s gonna act like a little snot ’cause she loves her dad and mom and wants to live the dream of her family together. So, my guess with my baby, it’s gonna take six point five visits with you to break through with her.”

She tipped her head to the side, both fear and amusement warring in her eyes as she asked, “Six point five?”

“Halfway through the seventh, she’ll find it,” he stated.

She grinned. That had fear and amusement too.

They’d got to the couch, so he let her go to shrug off his cut. He dropped it to the coffee table, where it slid to the floor. Then he put them on the couch, him on bottom, her on him.

“You have your boots on, Logan,” she told him.

His reply was, “Xbox turn off.” Then when he heard the tone, he said, “Yes.”

She looked to the TV that was blanking, then back to him. “I was watching that.”

He slid his hands from her waist to her ass. “Now you’re talkin’ to me.”

It didn’t take her long to decide what she’d prefer to be doing. It lasted about half a beat.

After she decided, she melted into him, shifting her face closer and sliding a hand up to curl it around the side of his neck.

“You worried about Zadie?” she asked.

“With you?” he asked back. When he got her nod, he answered, “Yeah.” He watched worry start to etch into her features and he slid his hands from her ass to wrap his arms around her. “But she’ll get there. Still worried but not about her and you. Just worried she lives in her dreamworld and life is far from a dream.”

The worry stopped and something else hit her face as she said quietly, “I don’t know about that.”

He knew what she was saying, and fuck, it felt good.

Even if it did, he replied, “Hard work to get to the good.”

“Makes it worth it.”

That felt good too.

Even so, he shared, “Babe, you’ll see. She figures she’s gonna live in a castle with her Prince Charming and when I say that, she’s dead set on it in a way it’s gonna be a crushing blow if she doesn’t get that shit. And she ain’t gonna get that shit. It sucks for her and it also sucks knowin’ that my baby girl isn’t gonna live her dream.”

“Castles and Prince Charmings come in a lot of different varieties, Low,” she told him. “She’ll grow up. She’ll learn that as she does.”

“Hope you’re right,” he muttered, his eyes moving to her mole.

“Oh, I’m right.”

His eyes cut back.

Fuck.

Now that...

That felt great.

Great enough he did what he should have done the minute he got a hand on her.

He slid his fingers into her hair, brought her down to him, and took her mouth. He also took his time. Only when she’d melted deep into him did he break it off.

“You have a good day?” he asked.

Her eyes were hazy, something he liked, and her words were breathy, something he also liked.

“Yeah. Got a lot done.”

He wanted her where she was now. He wanted to do a variety of things to her like she was now.

But they had other shit they had to get out of the way.

It sucked but it wouldn’t suck, having it out of the way.

So he set about doing that so they could move on.

“You served up some serious spunk when I showed this mornin’,” he noted.

Some of the haze left but she stayed relaxed into his body as she replied, “You served up some serious meanie when you showed up, so spunk was my only resort.”

Meanie?

He felt his body shaking as he shook his head on the pillow that was resting on the arm of the couch, doing this grinning.

He felt his grin die and twisted his hand in her hair.

“Wouldn’t admit this at the time, but lookin’ back, it’s good you didn’t take my shit.”

It was better than good.

She’d been fragile. He knew he had to handle her with care.

But he’d lost his mind when he’d heard Valenzuela had targeted her and done something about it. He’d been blinded by fury at Valenzuela at the same time blinded by fear that psychopath got to his girl.

With no choice other than to fuck the work it was taking way too much time to do to take down Valenzuela, he took it out on Millie.

She shoved it back.

That was the old Millie. She fought her corner. She didn’t take shit.

There was once a crew within Chaos who liked their women docile and obedient. That crew ran alongside the crew who wanted women who could roll with the changes, get off on the life, not be beaten down by it and exist through it.

That first crew was gone.

Only the rest remained.

And High had always been a member of that first crew.

Even if he’d allied with the other side.

This thought brought him back to the current subject.

“Tack says Valenzuela said nudge to you. He say anything else?”

She nodded. “His visit was short but he said a lot of things.”

“What kind of things?”

She studied him.

He didn’t like that because it meant she wasn’t answering him and more, she was assessing him and what his reaction might be to what she’d say.

“I’m not in that,” he told her.

Her head twitched. “Not in what?”

“Too dangerous,” he replied. “I’d want that, what you’re worried I’d do to Valenzuela. Was a day no way I’d agree to being forced out of dealin’ personally with a man who did what he did to you. But we’re close to takin’ down this guy. Not gonna be me who fucks it up. I think about him fuckin’ with you, just that could make me fuck it up. So I got one job. Keep a lid on it and trust my brothers to get the job done. I can do the last. Keepin’ a lid on it’s not gonna be easy. But I gotta dig deep so I can do that too.”

After he was done talking, she broke into a smile.

“Somethin’ make you happy?” he asked.

“He said he had to find the hothead,” she answered. “The weak link. The nudge was about using me to set you off, as he put it, to set things in motion.”

As she spoke, High felt his body string tight.

She had to feel it.

But she was still smiling.

“And here you are,” she whispered, dipping closer to him. “Looking after me and trusting your brothers. Proving that jackass wrong.”

“Was that,” he grunted.

Again her head jerked.

“Sorry?”

“Was that,” he repeated. “The guy who’d use any excuse to set anything off just to ride the edge, see if I’d fall off, not carin’ if I took my brothers with me.”

Her smile gone, her expression shifted to troubled.

“Logan—”

He cut her off, twisting his hand gently in her hair, doing it automatically to keep her close, hoping his words didn’t make her want to pull away. “Lost the woman I loved, didn’t give a shit about anything. Fuck, in the beginning, wanted to fall off the edge just to end the pain.”

Her troubled expression turned pained.

“Logan.”

That Logan was a breath. A wounded one.

“This ain’t gonna work unless we lay it out. So I’m layin’ it out,” he announced. “You’ve never been stupid. I know you knew. Chaos was into some shady shit back when we were together. And gotta admit, I got off on it then, mostly ’cause it made a shit ton of money and I wanted to give us a lot of things and to do it, I needed money. But it was more. It was a high and I liked to get high.”

He quit talking, letting that sink in.

It sunk in.

“Right,” she whispered.

He kept going.

“After I lost you, Chaos descended. Got in deeper everywhere. Lookin’ back, this was solely Crank’s fuck-you to Tack, who had other ideas about the Club and was puttin’ ’em into action, quiet-like. Crank was full-on paranoid that Tack wanted the gavel from the early days and he set about tying us up so tight in shit it was impossible to get loose from knowin’ it would tie Tack’s hands. Don’t think Tack gave a shit about the gavel until Crank started fuckin’ with the Club. Then Tack was all about wrestin’ that gavel from Crank. Crank underestimated him. Lotsa folks underestimated Tack back then. Tack proved that’s a mistake. Only Valenzuela does it now.”

“I haven’t seen Crank,” she said hesitantly.

“That’s ’cause Crank’s dead,” he returned emotionlessly, watching her eyes widen in shock.

“You were close,” she noted, still cautious.

“We were. Then we were not.”

“Why not?” she asked like she didn’t want to know.

And she didn’t. He knew it.

But she had to know.

He tightened his arm around her, slid his hand to her jaw, and held her eyes.

He also gentled his voice.

“ ’Cause Crank ordered Black to be whacked.”

That was when he watched her face pale and it jabbed into his heart as she whispered an agonized, “No.”

“Yeah, baby,” he confirmed.

“I haven’t seen Black.”

“Ordered it, Millie, beautiful, and it sucks to tell you this, but that hit was carried out and it was done successfully.”

The agony hit her eyes.

Fuck him.

Fuck him.

Seeing her deal with it was reliving it.

Fuck.

“He’s dead?” she asked, like she wanted him to take that shit back.

He wished he could.

“Tat, babe, on my ribs, to remind us never to forget what’s important. Brothers. Blood. Family,” he stated. “The name on the other side of the scale is Cherry, Tack calls her Red, you know her as Tyra. Tack pulled the Club loose of the shit Crank tied us up in, turned the brothers around, turned it all around. Me and Arlo were not down with that. Money was less. Club’s reputation took a massive hit. We worked our assess off and put a lot on the line to get both only to pull out. And in the early days, because a’ that, danger was more for the brothers and our families. We lost Black. Chew renounced the Club. Crank had to be dealt with. All that shit went down ugly. But threads dangling from Tack’s cleanup that didn’t get snipped ’cause we were squabblin’ in the Club caught up Cherry. She was kidnapped. Stuck repeatedly. Nearly bled out in some house no one had ever seen. Tack found her, saved her. She survived. The Club pulled together. Now we’ll never forget.”

Her eyes were huge. “That happened to Tyra?”

“Yep,” he replied.

“Oh my God.”

“She’s a good woman, Millie. I know you have cause to have issues with her but she saw what I didn’t see in you and moved on it. I hold no grudge. You shouldn’t either.”

“I don’t,” she told him.

That was his girl.

Fancy house. Designer duds.

But she got the life. You knew when to hold grudges. You knew what earned retribution.

You also knew when to forgive and you didn’t fuck around doing it.

High gave her a squeeze.

He figured she didn’t feel the squeeze when she said, “I just can’t... it’s impossible to believe...” She shook her head. “Low, that’s two old ladies who got caught up in Chaos business. Mine was nowhere near as bad but—”

“Tyra got caught up in it not just ’cause of the Club but because of what her girl’s fiancé was into. Club had history with the man who perpetrated that but it was because of Lanie’s dead dickhead of a fiancé she got stuck. Club history just didn’t help things.”

“Lanie’s fiancé?”

“She’s Hop’s woman now. Her fiancé bit it and she went on to better things.”

“I met her,” she said.

“Know you did. She’s a good woman too. They all meddle. They’ll drag you into that shit. It’s just the way it is. But it comes from a good place.”

She wasn’t interested in that.

She was interested in something else and she didn’t mess around with telling him what it was.

“What did Crank tie you up in that you found it hard to get loose?”

The rest he gave her was far from easy.

This was going to kill.

But he had to do it. Nothing between them. Nothing held back.

Not this time.

“Whores and security,” he replied. “Chew pimped the girls. Arlo and me were in charge of security.”

Her eyes were again huge and her face was beyond pale.

“You ran security for Chaos prostitutes?” she asked in disbelief.

“No, babe, I ran security for shipments of drugs and guns through or around Denver.”

“Holy God,” she breathed, pulling away from him.

Gentle, he pulled her back to him.

And he laid it out just as gentle but he also did it straight.

“You hooked your star to an outlaw, baby. You knew it back then. We didn’t discuss it but you can talk ’til you’re blue in the face and you won’t convince me you didn’t know. You loved me. You didn’t give a shit. You loved an outlaw and you took me as I was. That didn’t change except Crank put me in charge of it rather than me just bein’ a soldier. Things started goin’ bad for me and Crank when he took on the girls. It never got better.”

“Chew pimped women?” she forced out.

“There was an asshole under the decent guy. It was buried deep but it was there. Crank sniffed it out, then pulled it out. Hop was an enforcer for the girls and at Tack’s orders outside the table, he used Hop to get them ready to move on when Tack took over and cut all the girls loose. When Hop started that work, one piece of gash talked to Crank. Crank made a decision about what would be the catalyst to unite all factions in a brotherhood that was broken. Takin’ a brother out was the only way. He ordered that shit, blamed it on an enemy. Tack’s never been stupid, swear to fuck, he didn’t sleep until he had it solid the hit came from Crank.”

“So who took down Crank?”

He felt his jaw get tight.

Her voice was pitched high when she asked, “You?”

“No clue which bullet did the final deed, seein’ as he took one from every brother’s gun.”

Her body, not relaxed into his, but tense as all fuck, reared like she was trying to flee.

High held on tight.

“Keely goes to Black’s grave every week, Millie. Years have passed. Every fuckin’ week.”

She stilled when the tears hit her eyes.

He kept at her in order to get it done.

“They had two boys after you were gone. Both too young to know their dad was solid as a rock. A good man to his core. They can be told that. They’ve been told that. But they’ll never know.”

A tear slid down her cheek.

High kept going.

“Crank picked Black because no matter the split in the Club, Black was the glue. We all felt it. We all knew big shit was coming and the Club might not survive. Only man who held us all together, both sides, even though he’d chosen one, was Black. That was why Crank picked him because he knew we’d all suffer that and bond together for vengeance. He took out a brother, Millie, and that is not okay. But he made that decision pickin’ the best of us. The most decent of us. The most loyal. And that is seriously not okay.”

Her “No” was shaky but at least she said it.

“Now it’s done,” he stated. “We all suffered black marks on our souls doin’ it and gettin’ it done. I’m not proud to say I got more of those marks than most. Not proud to share that Valenzuela knows part of this shit and that’s why he targeted me through you. I was weak. I was hurt and it made me weak. But I’m not gonna hide that because it’s done, because it’s part of me and because you need it all.”

It wasn’t shaky, it was tortured, when she stated, “So it was me who did that to you too.”

“Fuck no,” he clipped, and at the intensity of it, she stared. “Babe, I chose that path. I did. I chose the path that led away from you. You made it so I had no choice but to walk away. You did not make it so I couldn’t go back. I didn’t go back. That was my choice. And it was my choice to do everything I did in between. Every shipment I escorted through town. Every blind eye I turned to Crank’s bullshit. That’s on me. I live with that. It ain’t easy but God’s chosen to keep me breathin’ so I figure He’s got work for me to turn that around and do good. Be a good dad. Get you back and take care a’ you this time. Whatever it is, I’m here to do it. I got His message. And I’m grateful.”

“I don’t know what to do with all this,” she admitted carefully.

“Nothin’ for you to do with it. You hooked up with an outlaw knowin’ you lived the outlaw life and knowin’ your outlaw would keep you safe doin’ it. Still got outlaw in me, Millie. All the brothers do. We use it to keep our family safe now. We patrol a ten-mile area around Ride, around Chaos, and keep it free of whores and dealers. Valenzuela wants that turf. We’re not givin’ it to him. We’re also not takin’ him out. We’re working with the cops to take him down. It’s a new Chaos era you’re back in with, Millie. The future is Joker and Shy and Snapper and Roscoe, and those brothers have been trained by Tack, Hop, Dog, Brick, Pete, and the rehabilitated me. We got one final enemy. We get him gone, we’re good.”