Текст книги "When I Surrender"

Автор книги: Kendall Ryan

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He squeezed me tighter. “If we do this, you have to tell Brian about us.”

I giggled. Such an alpha male thing to say, laying his claim to me and wanting it known by all. “Of course I will. But stop avoiding this conversation. ”

“What conversation are we having, McKenna?” He sucked the skin at the base of my neck, pressing sweet kisses against my collarbone.

“Sex,” I murmured.

“You’re not ready yet,” he said.  I pulled back and gave him a quizzical look. Was he serious right now? “I’ll know when you’re ready,” he continued. “You need to trust me.” His hands cupped my cheeks and he pressed a kiss to my forehead. I didn’t want to be treated like a china doll. I’d waited long enough for this moment in my life and I was sure.

“And you need to trust me.” I might be damaged, but I was stronger than he was giving me credit for. I could handle this. Couldn’t I?

He watched me with hooded eyes, taking stock of everything he saw – every emotion and stray thought racing through my brain. My entire body was alive and humming. It was as though he could see straight into me and read all my inner thoughts. It was the oddest sensation.

“Tell me what you want to know,” he said, brushing the hair back from my face.

My stomach was coiled tight and nervous energy shot through my veins. Something was about to happen. I’d pushed him and now I needed to be sure I really was ready. “You seem so sure. And I don’t know what I’m doing. I just need to know that’s okay with you.”

“That’s a turn on, trust me. I can be a little dominating in the bedroom.”

Finally, we were discussing the elephant in the room. “A dominant? Like…you want a submissive?” My entire body was tingling. I had to know what I was signing up for.

“Mmm, not exactly.” His large palm curled around the back of my neck, his thumb stroking the skin there. “I just like taking charge. Nothing extreme, I promise.”

My belly tightened. “I’m not into pain, Knox.”

“That’s not my thing at all, angel. You’d never have to worry about me hurting you.” His voice was sincere, and his warm honey eyes were loving and kind, but that didn’t stop the uncertainty raging inside me.

“What do you want, then?”

“Control. To show you pleasure.”

His words sent a jab of lust straight between my thighs and I let out a whimper. Something about this man, his desire to bring me pleasure, lit me up from the inside out. If he had a trace of dominance, perhaps I had a trace of submissiveness.

“You like that, don’t you, angel?” he asked. I nodded slowly, biting my lip as I gazed up at him. “Soon,” he promised. “My self-control is almost non-existent where you’re concerned.”

“Everyone’s had you. But I can’t? How’s that fair?”

“I’m giving you everything.”

“By not giving me any?” I argued.

“Stop, McKenna. You don’t know what you’re saying.”

“I do, though, that’s the thing. I want this with you. And not this pseudo friend-zone you’ve placed me in. I want everything. I want to be loved, cherished, and made to feel like a woman, your woman, not your little sister.”

“If you were my sister, I’d be put in jail for the things I want to do to you.”

My heart stuttered. He did want the same things as me, I could see it in his eyes. “If I’m pushing you – if this is about your addiction, or because I’m your counselor….”

“It’s not.” He stepped closer.

“Then what is it?”

“Brian told me.”

“He told you….” I paused. He needed to fill in the blank because I failed to see what Brian had to do with any of this.

Chapter Ten
Knox

McKenna was looking at me expectantly, waiting for me to explain. Shit. “When I came to see you when you were sick, Brian pulled me aside. He wanted to know what my intentions were with you.”

A tiny crease formed across her forehead. “And…what are they?”

“I told him you were sick and I was simply there to take care of you. He thinks I’m a sexual sociopath. He was looking at me like I was going to shove my dick down your throat while you’re sick, and I assured him I could keep it in my pants.”

She chewed on her lip and waited. “What did he say?” she asked.

“He told me.” She waited, breathless, her eyes locked on mine. “McKenna, are you a virgin?”

She sucked in a shuddery breath and her gaze fell from mine. I didn’t want her to feel ashamed or embarrassed, and shit, I probably shouldn’t have just sprung this on her, but we needed to discuss this. It didn’t help that we were having this conversation dressed as we were – me in my underwear and her in just a T-shirt. But she needed to see that she wasn’t ready for me.

“Does it matter?” she asked, clenching her fists at her sides.

“It does to me.”

“So this is about my inexperience. I’m sorry to disappoint you.”

She thought she was disappointing me, which made zero sense. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m not disappointed. I’m fucking terrified. The thought of being the first to touch you, the first man to be inside you, to penetrate your tight pussy, makes me insane, but I’m scared I can’t be what you need.”

“What do you mean?” Sapphire blue eyes, wide with curiosity, blinked up at mine. “What do you think I need?”

“You need someone to be gentle and careful with you, someone who’s soft and slow.”

“You could try….” she murmured.

“I don’t trust myself.”

“I trust you.” Those same eyes, now blazing with determination, stared into mine. “I’m here because I trust you.”

She looked so beautiful, so soft and sweet, standing there in my faded gray T-shirt, feet bare and toes painted pink. And hearing her confess that she trusted me with something so sacred tugged at something deep inside me. Confessing some of my background has been a scare tactic. But the look in her eyes didn’t match the expression of a scared little girl. She needed to understand how fucked up I was. I couldn’t let myself tarnish her perfection. And I would. I would take every last bit of her innocence and obliterate it just to quench my own desire.

Exercising my last ounce of self-control, I closed the distance between us and pressed a kiss to her mouth. “I’m not budging on this. I don’t think you’re ready yet.” It was either walk away now or throw her down on my bed and have my way with her.

Her hands flew to her hips. “You also didn’t think you had a problem with sex, and you fought me on getting STD testing done, and I know pushing you on both was the right thing. I get that you’re scared, but Knox….”

I looked down, popping the knuckles in my fingers. “There’s something else,” I admitted. She looked at me quizzically. “I knew when you didn’t say anything last time that you were probably inexperienced, because usually it’s the first thing girls comment on….”

Shit. She still wasn’t catching on. I was going to have to spell it out for her. “I’m, um, a lot bigger than average.” I sounded like a cocky asshole, but I wasn’t bragging. I wasn’t trying to impress her. I was trying to warn her. To ensure she understood that this probably wouldn’t be fun for her.

A slow smile uncurled on McKenna’s lips. Not the reaction I’d been expecting. It made me wonder if perhaps she had noticed my size, either that or she was remembering it fondly now. But I wasn’t trying to be cute. I’d had one girl actually tell me she needed to take a muscle relaxer before she’d let me fuck her. She was a little dramatic, but I wasn’t kidding that nearly every woman I’d been with had commented on my size – I was a lot to handle, and they weren’t virgins.

I hadn’t been with a virgin since high school and I didn’t exactly remember the experience favorably. I didn’t take pleasure in causing pain. It wasn’t something I wanted to repeat, but now with McKenna standing before me looking vulnerable and needy, I wouldn’t reject her and I certainly wouldn’t push her into the arms of another man. As much as I might have been fighting it, I knew it had to be me. If not tonight, then soon. Neither of us were good at waiting, it seemed.

McKenna pouted, her lower lip jutting out.

“Come here,” I ordered.

She hesitantly stepped forward, her fingers still playing with the hem of the shirt.

“What do you have to do tomorrow?”

“I’m working at the teen shelter, but not until ten in the morning. Why?”

I smoothed my hands up and down her arms. “You’ll probably be sore. I wanted to make sure you don’t have anything too strenuous planned.”

Her pulse thundered in her neck as if she realized for the first time that we really were going to do this. My dick had gotten the memo, too, lengthening in my boxers and growing heavy against my thigh. He would have to wait his fucking turn. I would do everything in my power to make sure McKenna was as wet and ready as possible before I took the precious gift she was offering. It was the least I could do. She was giving me something that could never be replaced. There were no do-overs.

I was never nervous before sex, but my own heart was thudding like a damn drum in my chest. The significance of this moment hit me hard. But I was like a hungry lion and she’d pushed me too far and now I needed a taste.

“I need to know your limits,” I said, watching her fidget.

“My limits?” That tiny crease between her brow was back.

“I need to know if there’s something you’re uncomfortable with.”

She chewed on her lip. There was something on her mind, but she was afraid to voice it.

“Tell me,” I commanded, my voice steady.

She wet her lips, stalling for more time. “I don’t like, um, oral sex.”

“To give it or receive it?” I questioned, raising one dark brow. This was interesting, and not what I’d expected her to say.

“Receiving it,” she managed to blurt out, looking down at the floor under my watchful stare.

“Why not?”

Her little hands balled into fists at her sides like she was afraid to admit whatever it was on her mind.

“Has anyone ever done that to you before, angel?”

She shook her head.

I sucked in a hiss of a breath and cursed. Shit, that only made me want to do it more. “Why do you think you wouldn’t like it?”

“Be-because I can’t imagine I’ll taste good and…I would hate for you to think I smell or taste bad.”

She was self-conscious, but she had no reason to be. I was certain she’d taste delicious, salty and sweet just like a woman should.  I would enjoy showing her just how very wrong she was. I inhaled against the side of her neck. “I love your scent,” I promised. “And I’m certain you’ll taste delicious. Real males like that taste, McKenna.” She sucked in a breath. “Let me worship your pussy,” I breathed against her throat, causing her to break out in chill bumps. She shook her head. “That’s unacceptable.” She might have said this was something she didn’t want, but it was the first thing I wanted to start with, limits be damned.

She opened her mouth to protest, then closed it with a squeak.

That’s what I thought. “Anything else?”

“When you said you liked, um….” She heaved in a breath and held it, too uncomfortable to continue. I could only assume she was talking about my rant on enjoying anal sex.

“I won’t be doing that with you. At least not yet.” I wasn’t sure McKenna was the kind of girl to ever be ready for that kind of total domination, letting me take her most private of places, but I wouldn’t decide for her, not now. She constantly surprised me and perhaps between the sheets wouldn’t be any different.

She nodded, relief washing over her features.

Leaning down to brush my mouth against her neck, I whispered, “If this is what you need, I‘ll take care of you. I wanted to show you I could wait, that this was more to me than sex.”

She pulled back slightly to meet my eyes. “I already know this is more for you. You don’t do relationships, or bring girls home to meet your brothers, and I’m guessing you don’t often volunteer or go out of your way for a girl. You’ve already shown me with your actions what I mean to you. It’s time for both of us to be brave.”

I nodded. It was time to be brave. Grasping her hips, I walked her backwards to the bed and when the backs of her knees touched the edge of the mattress, she sat.

Wide blue eyes stared up at me as she waited, wondering what came next. Her gaze wandered lower, looking at the bulge in my boxer briefs.

“Do you want to touch me?” I asked.

She swallowed and nodded, her head bobbing up and down.

The urge to watch her pretty mouth around my cock pulsed inside me, causing an almost unbearable pressure. Now that I knew McKenna’s intentions and desires, there would be no stopping now. We may not have sex tonight, but we were both ready for more. I nodded once, indicating that she could do what she wanted. McKenna hesitated, her hands twisting in her lap. I decided to play nice and help her out, tugging my boxer briefs down slowly. Her eyes locked onto my movements. My cock sprang free and she sucked in a shuddery breath. Using my right hand, I grasped my dick and stroked it slowly, showing her what I wanted her to do.

McKenna’s hands uncurled in her lap and she gingerly brought them to my stomach, lightly tracing my abdominal muscles. I remembered back to the first time she’d touched me. She’d been so curious, yet so uncertain. It was an incredibly hot combination. With my heart pounding in my chest, I fought for patience, for self-control, when I was so used to exercising neither.

Soon, McKenna’s hands wandered lower as her bravery blossomed. Biting her bottom lip firmly between her teeth, she finally closed her fist around me and a low growl escaped the back of my throat. Using both hands to stroke me up and down, McKenna did so slowly, as if savoring the feel of my cock in her hands. Her fingertips didn’t close around me and I watched in wonder as she worked me over, using her palms, her fingertips, to pleasure me. It was the slowest, most erotic handjob I’d ever received. My knees trembled and my stomach muscles were clenched tight.

Her hands continued rubbing my cock, one hand even venturing under to lightly cup my balls. I could let her do this all day, but something inside me wanted to push her just a little bit more. And I knew McKenna wanted that, too. She wanted the full experience, to see my dominant side that I’d kept hidden from her.

“Get it wet,” I said.

Her eyes snapped up to meet mine, confusion evident between her brows. She glanced to the bedside table, then the dresser, looking for some type of lubricant. “I – I don’t have anything,” she murmured.

“Yes, you do.”

Realization flashed across her features.

I wanted to see her wet her palm with her mouth, or even hotter, the moisture that was certain to be between her legs, but instead she did something totally unexpected.

She brought her full lips to the head of my cock, and pressed a soft kiss there. I let out a ragged groan, fighting the desire to work myself deep into her throat. As much as I wanted to take control, I needed to let her do this at her own pace.

Satisfied with my reaction, McKenna did it again, this time letting the warmth of her tongue lave over my rock hard flesh, eliciting another moan from me. As she grew even bolder, she let her tongue wander the length of my shaft, doing just what I’d asked, getting me nice and wet. Her hands slid easily up and over me, pushing my pleasure to new levels.

Leaning forward, McKenna took me into the warmth of her mouth, her full lips suckling against my sensitive skin.

Fuck.

She might be inexperienced, but she certainly knew how to bring me to my knees. Maybe it was because of her lack of experience that I valued this so much. It meant even more. She was going out on a limb, pushing all her boundaries – for me. It did heady things to my ego.  But tonight wasn’t about me, it was about her. Lifting her chin with one hand, I fell free of her mouth, my dick glistening with her salvia and her lips damp and swollen.

“You’re too damn good at that,” I murmured, stroking her cheek.

She beamed up at me, clearly satisfied with my compliment. I wanted to make her feel comfortable and ready for all the new experiences I had in store for her.

“Lay back.”

McKenna obeyed, scooting further up the bed, her T-shirt bunching up around her waist as she moved, the sight of her plain white cotton panties taunting me. She watched me with wide eyes as I slowly peeled her panties down her legs, exposing her most sensitive area, and dropped them on the floor at my feet.

I kissed her inner thigh and felt her shudder. Working my way up her body with gentle nips and kisses, I took my time, listening to her body’s silent signals. The dip of her belly when my mouth tickled her hip bone, her undulating hips when I got close to her center. A few minutes more and I knew she’d be practically begging me to touch her there.  But not yet. I removed the T-shirt over her head and continued tasting her skin. First mouthing the heavy weight of her breast, then a chaste kiss in the center of her breast bone. McKenna’s frustrated whimper told me I wasn’t focusing on the areas she needed me. Good thing I was about to give her everything she could handle. And then some.

I kissed my way to the tip of her breast and bit down, carefully using my teeth to tug the bud of her nipple. A surprised gasp pushed past McKenna’s lips and I couldn’t help the satisfied growl that escaped mine. Twisted need and desire spiked through me. She was finally beginning to understand that I was in control, that she’d given me her body and pushed me into this. I needed to do this my way.

I began licking her nipples in the same rhythmic pattern I wanted to lick her clit, eliciting soft groans and pants from her.

Every little moment with her, watching her discover the pleasure I could give her, was like a small victory. She was giving herself to me. Happiness surged through me. She squirmed, struggling against the mattress, her writhing hips making it difficult for me to give her breasts the focus they deserved. Even if her head didn’t want my mouth moving south, her entire body disagreed.

Lifting my head from one breast, my eyes met hers. “Are you sure you don’t want me to lick your pussy?” McKenna squeaked out something unintelligible and I chuckled against her neck. “Let me take care of you.” I trailed my mouth lower, kissing her navel as I moved down her body. “Just a taste,” I whispered against her pubic bone.

Her scent was maddening – purely feminine and entirely too tempting. I wasn’t going to be able to go slow. My mouth closed around her folds and I sucked – hard – against her clit. McKenna’s hips shot off the bed and her hands tugged at my hair. But I didn’t let up. I rubbed my tongue against her until her muscles were trembling and her moans were almost loud enough to wake my brothers. I lifted my head just long enough to give her a pillow. “Here. Scream into this if you need to.”

Her cheeks flushed crimson. “Oh my God. Was I being loud?”

My grin was the only answer she got before I dropped my lips to her sweet flesh again and gave her a gentle kiss. I considered teasing her – pointing out that just fifteen minutes ago this had been on her list of hard limits. And now I was pretty sure it was her new favorite thing. But I kept that piece of knowledge to myself, pride swelling in my chest.

After a few more teasing flicks of my tongue I bit down on her clit, forcing a cry from her lips and the first orgasm to crash through her, her body lightly trembling as she laced her fingers in my hair, pulling me closer. I continued licking and softly kissing her as the aftershocks pulsed through her. It was agony knowing how good it would feel to be inside her when she came, her tight little body throbbing around me.

“Knox…,” she groaned, out of breath, “That was….”

“Shh.” I pressed the tip of one finger against her opening, finding her wet and ready. I wasn’t done with her. Not by a long shot. I eased my middle finger forward and watched for her reaction. Her eyelids, suddenly heavy, began to fall closed. Inside, her body was hot and silky and never in my life had I appreciated a woman trusting me with her so completely.

Pushing slowly in and out, allowing her to get used to the sensations, I carefully added a second finger. I felt her tense and a brief pinched expression flashed across her features. “Is this okay?” I murmured, kissing her inner thigh.

She nodded tightly.

She might have thought she was ready, but the way she was clamping down on my fingers assured me she needed more time. Knowing I couldn’t take what she was offering tonight, my goal became to see how many times I could make her come.

Using the pad of my thumb, I circled her clit while my fingers continued pumping in and out of her. She clawed at the sheets, pushing her mouth against the pillow, and let out a long shuddering moan as another orgasm wracked her body from the inside out.