Текст книги "When I Surrender"

Автор книги: Kendall Ryan

сообщить о нарушении

Текущая страница: 4 (всего у книги 9 страниц)

Chapter Seven
Knox

When my texts and phone calls to McKenna went unanswered, I decided to drive over to her apartment to see for myself what was going on. Just as I suspected, she’d come down with the flu. After an unpleasant exchange with Brian, I found her in her bed, curled into a tight little ball.

“McKenna?” I whispered.

Her eyes opened slowly, taking several moments to focus on mine. “Knox?”

“You caught it, didn’t you?” I smiled down at her, brushing her hair back from her face.

“Uh huh,” she nodded.

I knew there’d been no way she could have hung around me and the boys, as sick as we all were for four days straight, and not catch this nasty flu. Something tugged inside my chest seeing her so pale and listless. I wished there was something I could do, but unfortunately I knew this thing had to run its course. “Can I get you anything?”

She pulled the blankets up higher toward her chin. “I’m cold. Maybe an extra blanket.” She tipped her chin toward the chair in the corner where a fluffy throw blanket was folded.

I arranged the blanket over her and then crawled into bed beside her. “Here.” I opened my arms. “I’ll warm you up.”

She snuggled into my chest. “Mmm. My own personal space heater.”

McKenna dozed in and out of sleep while I lay there holding her. She stopped shivering after about ten minutes and soon her skin was growing damp with perspiration.

Now that my strength had returned and all the boys were healthy again, I’d returned to work. But if need be, I would stay here and care for McKenna, just like she’d done for us.

After a brief knock, Brian pushed open the door. Shooting him a scowl, I wondered if he invaded McKenna’s privacy like this often. Dickhead. “Need something?” I asked. McKenna’s eyelids fluttered, but she remained curled against my side.

“I’d prefer the door to stay open if you’re going to be in her room with her.”

Was he fucking serious? “Are you her father?”

Opening her eyes, McKenna looked up at me and frowned. My choice of words hit me at that exact moment. Fuck. “I’m sorry. I’ll be right back.”

I climbed from her bed and met Brian in the hallway, softly closing the bedroom door behind me. “What’s your problem with me? Or is it with any man being with her that isn’t you?”

“McKenna may trust you, but I don’t. And I certainly don’t trust you alone in a bed with her.”

“She’s sick. Do you really think I’m going to try something?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know how you work – what you’re capable of.”

“I have issues, I’ll be the first to admit it, but I’m not a fucking rapist. Christ.” I shuddered. It made me wonder what McKenna had told him about me. Did he actually think I’d make her do anything she wasn’t ready for? The truth was, McKenna had been the one driving the physical aspects of our relationship this entire time. Not that I’d give good old Brian the satisfaction of knowing that.

“She hasn’t told you, has she?” Brian smirked.

“Told me what?”

“McKenna’s still a virgin. At least I’m pretty sure she is.”

All the air was ripped from my lungs. McKenna was untouched? That piece of information made me both deliriously happy and pissed off. How could she not have told me? What if I’d let things go too far the other night? “That’s her business,” I said, recovering.

Brian narrowed his eyes. If he wanted to believe I was the bad guy, that I was dangerous for her – too fucking bad. McKenna brought out new sides in me, made me feel things I’d never felt before. And I wouldn’t hurt her, would never force her. He could think whatever he wanted to about me. I had zero problem knocking him on his ass again if the occasion called for it. And the way my blood was currently coursing through my veins, stirring up anger and resentment inside me, I wondered if now was that occasion. Instead, I took a deep breath and forced myself to calm down. “If we’re through here, I have a sick girl in there to take care of.” I headed into her room and closed the door behind me, signaling that she was mine to care for, not his.

Seeing her lying in bed again, there were a million things I wanted to ask her about. Brian had just dropped a huge fucking bombshell on me and I wanted to ask McKenna if it were true. If she was a virgin, we were on two totally different wave-lengths. What could she be thinking about wanting to enter into a relationship with me? Our conversations came roaring back me. The way she angled her hips to mine the other night, seeking, wanting… I couldn’t be expected to control myself and go slow like she needed when she did shit like that.

I sat down on the edge of her bed and let out a heavy sigh.

“What’s wrong?” she croaked, opening her eyes.

“Nothing, angel. Just rest, okay?”

She nodded and let her eyes slip closed again. We needed to discuss this, but the conversation would have to wait. One, because I had no fucking idea what I was doing, and two, because first she needed time to heal.

I pressed a kiss to her forehead and left moments later, reeling from the realization that for once, I was totally and completely out of my element with a girl.

Chapter Eight
McKenna

Monday morning I was finally well enough to get out of bed. I showered and changed into fresh clothes and then ventured out into the living room. Brian sat on the couch with his back toward me, essentially ignoring me. He was dressed and ready for work, but sat motionless with a mug of coffee. I grabbed a soda from the fridge and sat down next to him, wondering what I’d done wrong this time.

“You feeling better?” he asked, his eyes still glued to the commercial playing on the TV.

“Yeah. Sorry, the last few days are a complete blur.” I opened the can of soda and took a small sip, the sugar and fizz tasting delicious after having nothing in the belly for so long.

“We were supposed to hang out this weekend.”

So that’s what this was about. Brian was giving me the cold shoulder because I’d had to cancel our plans. Did he really think I purposefully chose being chained to the toilet over hanging out with him? “Brian, I got sick.”

“You spent all week working hard and then taking care of him.” He shot me an exasperated look. “What did you expect to happen?”

I shrugged. When he put it like that, I couldn’t argue. His anger was misplaced, but I supposed I had exposed myself to the flu.

“It’s fine.” He turned to fully face me. “It helps me see where I fall on your list of priorities. Dead fucking last.”

Seeing how let down he really was made my heart ache for him. Brian always put me first – always. And he was right. He often ranked last on my to do list. Mainly because I knew he would always be there. My job and my volunteer work came first and Knox and his family were a close second. They were the only things that made me feel whole. Yet sitting here, facing him and looking into his sad blue eyes, I felt guilty. Not because I’d gotten sick and missed our weekend plans, but because I’d never feel the way about him that he did for me.

He’d changed his whole life for me. He moved away from his family and friends, he worked long hours at a tough Chicago accounting firm rather than the simple small town firm he probably would’ve ended up at had he stayed in Indiana. All because of me. And weighing on me most of all was the fact he didn’t date. Like he was waiting for me to see him in a different light – waiting for me to be ready. I just wanted him to move on with his life so I could, too.

Knowing he didn’t support my relationship with Knox was hard. Brian had always been there to cheer me on through everything in life. He celebrated my small victories and praised my every accomplishment. This chance at something real felt like the biggest thing that had ever happened to me, and Brian didn’t support it.

I took my soda back to my bedroom, feeling the need to withdraw into myself once again.

Sitting on my bed, I decided to call Belinda, feeling guilty for missing the last two Saturday group sessions – one because of the retreat, and this weekend’s because I was sick.

Belinda disregarded my apology completely. “Things come up, McKenna. And you were under the weather. No need to apologize.”

“Well, I’ll definitely be there next Saturday and please let me know if there’s anything I can do in the meantime.”

“Perhaps there is something you could do. Amanda reached out to me on Friday….”

She explained that Amanda had yet to have any prenatal care and didn’t have a vehicle to take herself to the doctor.

“Well, I’d be happy to take her, but I don’t have a car, either.”

“Hmm. That is a problem.”

“You know what? It’s not a problem. I can either borrow my roommate’s car or take the bus with her. Maybe just having someone reach out and offer to help will be enough. That way she doesn’t have to navigate going to the doctor alone.”

“I think that would help a lot. Very thoughtful of you, McKenna. Thank you.”

“It’s not a problem.” It would give me something to do today, since I wasn’t due to work at the teen shelter today. Though there was no way I would ask to borrow Brian’s car. Not to mention he needed it to get to work. Hopefully Amanda would be okay with taking the bus.

Belinda took care of the details – contacting Amanda and arranging a time for us to meet up at her apartment. I got myself showered and dressed for the day and headed out to wait for the bus.

Amanda lived in a rundown apartment that she shared with three other girls. It didn’t look like anyplace to raise a baby, but we’d hurdle one obstacle at a time. The first step was getting her well and making sure her baby was healthy.

“Thanks for doing this today.” Amanda smiled at me as she buttoned her coat.

“It’s really no problem. I didn’t have anything going on today anyway.”

She paused at the door, hesitating. “Was everything okay…the last group meeting you ran out of there pretty abruptly, and then haven’t been back….”

I smiled at her reassuringly. “Everything’s fine. It was just a slight misunderstanding….” I left it at that. I had to protect what Knox and I had.

“Fair enough.” She nodded, clearly not one to pry.

Amanda, having moved here from southern Illinois, wasn’t familiar with the city bus system. So while we rode, I showed her how to read the bus map and explained what the letters and numbers meant so she could learn to navigate the routes. To get to the free clinic downtown from where she lived, it required us to change bus lines twice, and I knew if she could master this, she could get herself anywhere.

“How have you been feeling?” I asked as we watched the traffic pass.  Stealing another glance, I noticed her belly now protruded in a nice round bump.

“Actually, I’ve been having some morning sickness. But other than that, fine, I guess.”

We rode the rest of the way in silence. I found myself at a loss for what to talk with her about. I knew about her issues with love and sex addiction from Belinda, but since she didn’t seem to be in a talkative mood, I wasn’t going to press her. She likely had a lot on her mind – with a baby growing inside her, no job, no car, and little support.

When we arrived at the clinic, we signed in and sat down in the waiting room. There were several other girls with pregnant bellies waiting in the chairs around us and a few who were most likely here for testing or birth control. Amanda flipped absently through a parenting magazine, not seeming to absorb a single word for how quickly she was turning the pages.

“There’s something I feel kind of weird about and I should probably just tell you,” she blurted after several minutes.

“What is it?”

“I, um, came onto Knox.”

My eyes widened. “What? When?” I fought to control my voice. I couldn’t go sounding like a jealous girlfriend right now. As hard as it was, I needed to be objective and professional. Amanda was opening up to me as part of her own treatment.

“In a moment of weakness…it was stupid, I know. He’d given me his phone number and I knew I supposed to use it to call him about recovery and kid-related questions, but one night I was sitting around feeling lonely and sorry for myself and I called him up and asked if he wanted to hang out and have a little grown up fun.”

I nearly choked getting my next words out. “And did he?” If he’d lied to me about hooking up Amanda, so help me God, I’d lose it. I wasn’t a violent person, but the wrath I’d rain down on him would rival the apocalypse.

She chewed on her lip. “No, he said he was trying to be done with random hookups and made it sound there was someone special in his life.”

Wow. I knew I should respond, but I was rendered speechless.

“You’re not mad, are you?”

It took me almost a full minute to realize she wasn’t asking because she knew that Knox were sort of together, she was asking because she was supposed to be in recovery. My twisted emotions were going to blow this whole thing if I wasn’t careful. “No, I’m not mad. I won’t ever be mad for you opening up and sharing with me.” I took her hand. “I’m actually proud of you, Amanda. You’re growing. You might have slipped up a little, but you recognized that your actions were wrong.” Her confession to me proved that. I released her hand and a smile blossomed across her mouth.

Amanda turned back to her magazine and tore out a coupon for baby formula, stuffing it into her purse. I decided then and there that I liked her. I was glad Belinda had asked me to help. Amanda was actually a sweet girl underneath her layers of hurt and despair. She was burdened by dark secrets just like me. I felt a sort of familiarity being with her, waiting here with her just so that she could have some company and not feel quite so alone.

As I looked around the waiting room, I couldn’t help but notice the numerous posters plastered on the walls about birth control options. I’d never had to think about things like birth control, but as I sat there, my mind wandered to Knox, and I found myself thinking about birth control pills and condoms. I didn’t know if or when anything might happen between us, or when Knox would be ready to take our physical relationship further, but I made a mental note to call and schedule an appointment with my gynecologist soon. Nerves danced in my belly at the thought of being intimate with him, but I knew I wanted him to be my first. Cold dread shivered down my spine. God, what would Belinda say? I shuddered at the thought. I was planning to have sex with one of our group members. Nothing about this situation was normal, but I didn’t care because it felt right. And I was tired of being too careful, barely living these last few years. I wanted to be with Knox. Plain and simple. And I thought he wanted to be with me, too, as resistant as he’d been about taking our relationship further.  We were making real progress and I wouldn’t stop things now. And I’d need to make sure we were prepared so I didn’t find myself in a situation like Amanda, with an unplanned pregnancy. Knox had enough mouths to feed. I wouldn’t add a baby to mix.

I hadn’t expected to go into the exam room with her, but when the nurse called her name, Amanda looked at me expectantly and waited for me to rise from my seat and join her. I could read the indecision in her eyes. She didn’t want to be alone, and I couldn’t blame her.

I held her hand while they performed an ultrasound and tears leaked from the corners of her eyes as she seen the tiny image of a baby inside her for the first time. The steady thump of the baby’s heart was sure and strong.

The nurse estimated the baby to almost five months along, based on her measurements, which surprised Amanda. Her own calculations had been off. She was due in the spring.

“There’s only one in there, right?” she asked the nurse, her voice high and almost panicked.

The nurse and I both smiled. “Yes, there’s just one baby. And he or she looks to be growing just fine. Did you want to know the sex?”

“Yes, please,” Amanda said.

“You’re having a girl.”

I held her hand while she cried, her eyes fixed on the screen. It seemed Amanda wouldn’t be alone any longer.

Helpful deed done for the day, I dropped Amanda off at home and texted Knox as I sat on the bus alone. Being around someone even more alone and lonely than myself all day had inspired a visit. I missed him.

Chapter Nine
McKenna

When I arrived at Knox’s place, Tucker had already gone to bed, but Knox, Jaxon, and Luke all sat together in the living room. While they were normally so good-natured, tonight the mood felt tense. I toed off my shoes at the welcome mat and ventured in to see what they were discussing.

Luke sat on the sofa with his head hanging in his hands. Jaxon and Knox were perched in the arm chairs facing him, all of their expressions sour.

“Do you want to talk about it or are you going to keep moping around like someone kicked you in the balls?” Jaxon asked, looking squarely at Luke.

“Cool it, Jax,” Knox warned. “Luke? You wanna talk?”

Luke peered up, his eyes wandering over to mine and then back to his brothers. I sat down next to him. “Everything okay?” I asked.

He shrugged. “Just girl problems,” he said, releasing a heavy sigh. “Mollie broke up with me.”

I hadn’t known that he had a girlfriend, but perhaps this was the reason he’d once asked me about how to make a girl’s first time special. I still got a happy little feeling remembering how he’d opened up to me. “I’m sorry.” I squeezed his hand.

“If Knox has taught us anything, it’s that there are plenty of girls to go around. There’s no sense getting your panties in a twist over this one. So pull your tampon out and man up,” Jaxon said, rising from the chair. “And on that note, I’m going to bed. You guys are depressing.”

Knox frowned, watching Jaxon retreat up the stairs. “Ignore him, Luke. Jax is an asshole.”

Luke’s twisted expression relaxed slightly. “How do you know when you’re in love?” he asked Knox.

This should be interesting. I waited, breathless, to hear his answer.

Knox’s brows drew together. “You just do.” He hesitated for a few seconds, running his hand over the back of his neck, looking deep in thought, like he was trying to put into words whatever was churning inside his head. “I guess you know when you want to spend time with the girl, protect her, and take care of her.”

My heart melted at hearing his description of love. We might not be there yet, but I hoped we were on our way.

“Like you are with McKenna?” Luke asked.

Knox’s dark eyes met mine, and all the oxygen was ripped from my lungs. He didn’t say anything else, he just watched me for several long moments while my heart pounded steadily. The warmth of hot adrenaline pushed through my veins. He was looking at me like he wanted to do unspeakable things to me and I was staring back at him, challenging him to take whatever he wanted. He already had my heart.

“Knox?” I asked, breaking the heavy silence. “Will you give us a minute?” I tipped my head toward Luke. I wanted to talk to him alone and I might spontaneously combust if Knox kept looking at me like that, all dark and hungry.

“Sure.” Knox rose from the arm chair. “I’ll just go check on Tuck.”

Luke released a heavy sigh full of sorrow. I scooted closer to him on the couch. “You okay, bud?”

“Yeah.” He flashed me a weak smile. “This love shit sucks, though.”

“What happened with Mollie?”

He shrugged. “She acted like she was into me, we went on a couple dates, and then I heard at school today she was seeing this other guy the entire time.”

“Then she wasn’t worth your time. You’re an amazing guy, Luke, thoughtful, smart, funny, and handsome. High school can be brutal, but you’ll be at college soon and trust me, you’ll be beating the girls off with a stick.” I grinned wickedly at him.

He laughed. “Yeah, right. If I can even afford college. Every time I bring it up, Knox changes the subject. I’ve been applying to every scholarship I can find, but they’re really competitive and so far, I haven’t been offered a single one. I’m screwed without some financial help, no matter how good my grades are. My high school offers a scholarship to the valedictorian, which I have a good shot at – but it’s a thousand bucks. What will that get me? Books for one semester?” He shook his head in defeat.

It crushed me to know that his future hung in the balance like that. “I wish there was something I could do to help,” I pondered out loud.

“Just having you around helps. There’s way too much testosterone in this house.”

I couldn’t argue with that. “Well, I plan on being around for a while. Someone’s got to keep Knox in line.”

Descending down the stairs, Knox glanced our way. “Did I hear my name?”

“Nope,” Luke and I said at the same time, sharing a secretive smile.

“Well, I guess I’m gonna go up, too, “Luke said. “Night, guys, and thanks, McKenna.”

“Night, Lukey!” I gave him a kiss on his cheek and watched him wander up the stairs before turning to face Knox. “How was Tucker?”

“Sound asleep.” He sat down next to me. “Is Luke alright?”

I nodded. “Yeah. I just think there’s a lot on his mind. Girls, how to pay for college….”

Knox blew out a frustrated breath. “Fuck. Tell me about it. It’s been keeping me up at night.”

I hadn’t meant to add to his stress load, only to tell him how my conversation with Luke went. Knox hung his head in his hands and I moved closer so I could rub his shoulders. “Don’t worry. It’ll all work out somehow.”

His head lifted until his intense gaze met mine. My fingers paused on his shoulders. “That’s just it. Nothing just works out around here unless I figure it out. And I’ve been trying for the last year to figure out how in the hell I’m going to help Luke pay for college and so far I’ve come up with jack shit nothing, so unless you have an extra fifty grand laying around, it won’t just magically work out.” I could see the defeat written all over his features. He felt like a failure. He had three little lives depending on him and he wanted the best he could provide. “I’m sorry.” His tone softened. “I don’t mean to take it out on you.” Considering that his usual way of taking out stress was by sleeping with random women, I would take sarcasm any day.

“It’s okay. I know you’re under a lot of pressure. I’m here to help however you need me.” I couldn’t imagine being in his position. I only had to budget for myself and even that was tricky in an expensive city like Chicago.

“Thanks, Kenna.” He sat back against the sofa, pulling me closer. “It’s good to see you feeling better. What’d you do today?”

“I took Amanda to the doctor for a prenatal appointment. She’s having a girl. They said the baby is healthy and progressing nicely.”

“That’s good,” he said, grabbing the TV remote.

“Why didn’t you tell me the truth about Amanda?”

He glanced up at me, remorse flashing in his eyes. “I’m sorry. I should have. I just didn’t want to give you something to worry about when I knew I had it under control.”

“She propositioned you?”

He nodded. “There was no temptation there. None. I told you, I’m handling it. And I’ve got someone better I’m waiting for.” He laced our fingers together, his palm resting against mine, warm and solid.

“Should we go upstairs?” I whispered, suddenly feeling bold and wanting some privacy with him.

“I thought we’d hang out down here, maybe watch a movie or something.”

“Oh, okay.” I tried to hide the disappointment in my voice, but failed.

Knox flipped through the selection of available movies for rent and let me pick a romantic comedy I’d been waiting to see for several months. I curled against his side and he held me while we watched the sugary-sweet interactions playing out on the screen. They seemed so far from real life. At least far-removed from my life and Knox’s. In my experiences, real life and love were incredibly messy affairs. That was what I knew. Maybe that was why I was so comfortable with Knox. He’d been through hell and back, too, and we recognized those deep scars in each other.

Throughout the entire movie Knox kept things purely platonic. His arms were wrapped around me, strong and sure, but the few times I’d tried to let my hands wander to touch him, his stomach, his thigh…he would tighten his grip around me, holding me in place and effectively preventing me from touching him. It was incredibly frustrating and only left me worked up and buzzing unfulfilled energy inside me.

For two hours I lay there in his arms, his chest rising and falling steadily against my back, his breath warming the back of my neck. Various scenarios played out in my head. I imagined rolling towards him, unbuckling his belt and touching him again. What would he do then? The realization that he may stop me, that he might reject me, prevented me from making my move.

Once the credits rolled, I climbed from my warm spot next to him on the couch and stood, stretching. “Should we go up to bed?”

Knox stood up, watching me warily. “You’re sleeping over?”

“Is that okay?” God, why was he acting so weird tonight?

He hesitated, looking down at the floor.

“Why are you acting like you don’t want me here?”

He didn’t respond, he just continued staring down at the floor between our feet.

“Knox?”

“This is hard for me, being near you and knowing I can’t have you,” he admitted softly.

I wanted to tell him he could have me, anytime, anyplace. I’d gotten brief glimpses of how good we could be together and I wanted more. “You have me,” I whispered.

He crossed the room and pulled me into his arms. “I know. I’m sorry, angel. I have a lot on my mind and I don’t want to fuck this up with you. That’s all.”

“Do you want me to go?” I looked up at him, blinking.

“No. Stay. Please?”

I nodded and let him guide me up the stairs.

Once I’d brushed my teeth and changed into a T-shirt of Knox’s, I stood beside the bed, watching while he pulled his shirt off over his head and stripped out of his jeans. His body was a work of art, complete with sculpted lines and rugged muscles that I wanted to touch and lick. He evoked strange feelings inside me that no man had before. It was an almost animal attraction that brought out a new and viscerally sexual side of me.

“Knox?”

“Hmm?” He asked, folding his jeans and tossing them on top of his dresser.

I found my courage and took a step closer, tugging on the hem of my borrowed T-shirt. “When we said we were gonna do this, a real relationship…to me that meant everything that came along with a relationship.” Several long moments ticked by while my heart beat thudded dully in my chest.

“Say we do this thing for real – then what?” Frustrated, his hands tore through his hair, leaving it in a sexy disarray.

“What do you mean? We agree to be there for each other, we both try.”

“And if I fuck up? If I hurt you….” He stared blankly at the wall above my head. “I couldn’t…I wouldn’t chance that.” I knew there was more he wasn’t saying. I’d already been through too much with my parents. I was damaged and he wouldn’t be part of contributing to my hurt any more than he already had. I hated that I could never seem to escape my past, no matter how hard I worked.

“Isn’t that for me to decide?”

His eyes slid back to mine. “You believe in me way too much.”

“Someone’s got to, Knox. I’ve seen the real you. The one you keep hidden from everyone else. You’re a good man, despite what you want me to believe.”

“You refuse to see the bad in me.”

“So tell me, then. What’s so bad about you?” I was edging into dangerous territory. We’d never really covered his background in detail and I wasn’t sure I could handle it, but I was putting on my bravest front to show him that I wouldn’t be scared off. Who cared if prickles of sweat were forming against the back of my neck and my knees felt shaky? It was a conversation that needed to happen.

“You really want to hear the shit I’ve done?”

Suddenly losing my nerve, my lips parted, but no sound came out.

Knox took a step closer, his gaze hardening. “You want to hear that I fucked a mother and her eighteen-year-old daughter in the same day? That I broke up my buddy’s engagement when I accepted a blowjob from his fiancée? That because of this sick need inside me I’ve pushed every boundary, every limit? That I enjoy anal sex and the occasional ménage? Is that what you want to hear? You can’t handle me, angel. I can barely fucking handle me.”

The air whooshed from my lungs, my confidence vanishing. For the first time I began to doubt him – us – my belief that this could work falling away like a veil in the wind. He would want things I couldn’t possibility give him.

“Say something,” he ordered, taking a predatory step closer.

“I get it, okay? You made your point. You’re experienced. I’m not.”

“That wasn’t my point. Not at all.” He hung his head, looking down at the floor, his hands returning to his hair once again. “I’m sick, not a man worthy of you,” he whispered.

My heart broke for him. He deserved love and acceptance even if he couldn’t see that. “The things you’ve done don’t scare me. I just worry I won’t measure up to your past.”

He stepped closer, wrapping a hand around my hip to draw me nearer until we were just inches apart. It didn’t escape my notice that he was dressed in only a pair of black boxer briefs. “You have it backwards. My past doesn’t measure up to you.” His voice was whispery soft and his mouth was brushing against my ear, sending delicious little shivers racing down my spine. He pressed a tender kiss against the side of my neck and my head fell back, my body craving more.  His warm tongue slid against my pulse point, which was fluttering wildly. “I can read your fear, your uncertainty. You’re not ready for this.”

Finding my voice, I whispered, “So show me.”

“You don’t know what you’re saying, what you’re agreeing to.”

We’d spoken only briefly about his dominant nature, but that word hung in the air all around us, its hidden meaning permeating my every pore.  Maybe I couldn’t handle his brand of physical affection. But what he’d shown me so far had been tender and intimate. Would sex with Knox really be so different? His tastes and desires were unknown to me, but most of me found that exciting. Nerves raced through my belly as he nipped at my neck. “If we do this, Knox…have a real relationship, you’d have to show me….” I breathed, finding my courage.