Текст книги "Believe"

Автор книги: Kelly Elliott

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Текущая страница: 5 (всего у книги 5 страниц)

I walked up and kissed Meg on the top of her head and said, “Be a good girl for daddy.” When I looked up into Brad’s eyes, all I saw was fear.

“I don’t think this is a good idea. What if…”

I put my finger up to his lips and smiled. “Baby, I promise. Everything is going to be all right. I’ll be fine. Please don’t worry, okay?”

He nodded his head and closed his eyes. “It’s just… Amanda, if she ever hurts you again… I just can’t move past all the things she did.”

“Brad. I know you love your mother.”

“I love you, more than anything,” he whispered.

I felt the tears building in my eyes and my heart dropped in my stomach. “I love you more than anything, too. Just let me do this and see what happens. It’s like something clicked in her when she saw Maegan. I saw it in her eyes. Let me just give her a chance. I promise if she crosses the line once I’ll walk away.”

He sucked in a breath of air and slowly let it out. “Fine. But one wrong thing and I mean it, Amanda.”

I took my index finger and gestured across my heart. I grabbed my purse and gave Brad a quick kiss good-bye before he pulled me back to him and kissed me so deeply and passionately.

“That’s to keep you thinking about me,” he said against my lips.

“Hmm…I will for sure be thinking about you,” I said with a wink.

As I made my way out to my car, I said a quick prayer that this wasn’t a set-up by Brad’s mom. When she called me last night and asked if we could meet for dinner because she wanted to talk to me and give me the baby pictures, I was reluctant to do it, but something inside me screamed that I needed to do this for Brad. I just prayed for Brad’s sake she didn’t ruin this.

I walked into the South Congress Café and looked around. I saw Carol sitting at a table near a corner window. Ugh. No easy escape. When she looked up and saw me, the smile that spread across her face surprised me. I gave a weak smile in return and headed over her way.

She stood up and gave me a kiss on the cheek and said, “Amanda, sweetheart, thank you for meeting me for dinner.”

Sweetheart? I’ve never been called anything but Amanda.

I sat down and decided to just cut to the chase. “Carol, I’m doing this for Brad. I’m doing it because I love him more than life itself and I know not having his parents in his life is hurting him. The last thing I want to do is hurt him.”

She sat back and smiled as she shook her head. Here it comes.

“Do you know the first time Brad brought you home, I couldn’t believe it? I was looking at a mini me.”

Huh? Well okay, I wasn’t expecting that. I’m sure the look on my face must have been one of shock, because Carol laughed.

“I know what you’re thinking. A mini you? Hell no. But you were, or rather, you are. I could see the spit and fire in your personality and see the passion for life in your eyes. I knew Brad must have really taken to you for him to bring you home. He never brought girls home.”

I wanted nothing more than to say, Gee…wonder why?

She reached for her wine and took a sip. She seemed to want what she just said to sink in. “I’m not going to lie to you, Amanda. I hated you the moment I saw you.”

And here we go…

“But I also fell madly in love with you.”

“Huh?” I said out loud, not meaning to.

She let out a chuckle and continued on. “Yep. I could see the love between you and Brad and each time I saw the two of you together, I saw it grow. I think a part of me was insanely jealous. Brad was my only child. He was my baby boy. No one was ever going to take him away from me. I decided early on that I was going to make it miserable for you. I wanted you to end up leaving.”

She slowly shook her head and gave me a sad smile. “But you were stronger than that. Your love for my son, I should say, was stronger. I didn’t realize at the time when I was trying to drive you away, that I was driving Brad away…from everyone.”

I sucked in a breath of air.

She closed her eyes for a good thirty seconds before she opened them again. “When I saw you standing there holding Maegan, and she was the spitting image of Brad, something just clicked. All the pain that I caused both you and Brad came flooding all at once. I thought I could just pretend it was you who was the problem, but in the end I needed to realize that it was me who had been the problem.”

She stopped and waited. I wasn’t sure what she expected me to say. Yeah, Carol you were the problem…can I have the baby pictures?

“I’m not really sure what to say right now, Carol,” I said as my voice cracked.

She sat up just a little straighter as the waitress walked up and asked what I would like to drink.

“Water, please,” I said.

She asked if we were ready to order. Carol asked her for a few more minutes.

“I just wanted to get this all out, and if you decide to leave after, I completely understand.”

I slowly nodded my head.

She took a deep breath and quickly let it out. “I don’t expect you and Brad to just open up your hearts and let me in. I know I have to earn that back and I’m very prepared to do so. I’d like more than anything to get to really know you, Amanda. I’d like more than anything to have my son back in my life again and get to know my grandchildren.”

My heart started beating a mile a minute.

“I’d like to ask you for your forgiveness. I know I don’t deserve it and I know I’ve never done anything to make you want me in your life, but I’d love to try and get there.”

I looked around and prayed that the waitress would get there with my water. My mouth was so dry and I needed a drink before I could talk.

Right on cue she walked up and handed me the water. I took a long drink and set it down before looking back up at Carol.

I gave her a smile and said, “Well…you can start by showing me Brad’s baby pictures.”

The smile that spread across her face caused me to let out a small laugh. When she leaned over and picked up a giant shoebox, I really started laughing.

“I went through all the albums and pulled them out. I wasn’t sure if you do that whole scanning thing or what but I sure had fun going through these.”

We both let out a laugh as the waitress walked back over. I let Carol order while I quickly looked at the menu.

The waitress looked at me next. “Oh um…I’ll have the mesquite-grilled pork chops.

“Good choice,” she said with a smile.

As the next hour passed by, we ate, talked about Maegan, talked about Brad as a baby, looked at baby pictures, and bonded like we never had before. I sent Brad a text, letting him know things were going good.

As we left the restaurant, Carol reached for me and gave me a hug.

“Thank you, Amanda. Thank you so much. I’ve had a lovely evening.”

I smiled and thought back to when I used to work for her. We actually had a few occasions where we got along so good and even laughed a lot.

“I’m really glad we did this, Carol. I think this will be great for Maegan to be able to know both her grandparents. But mostly, I think this will really help Brad to continue to heal and move on. He still holds onto a lot of pain and guilt. But with the baby, and now y’all coming back into his life…I think things will be even better for him.”

She grinned and nodded her head. “I certainly hope so.”

She gave me a kiss on the cheek, and we made plans for her and Brad’s father to come out for dinner after the new year.

Driving home I was overcome with the incredible sense that everything was as it should be. Things happen for a reason and I truly believed that for Brad to be completely free of his past addictions and fears he needed this more than any of us.

I couldn’t wait until New Year’s Eve. It was going to be a new year, new beginnings, new relationships, and a new sense of believing that my husband was the happiest he’s been in a long time.

“You are officially getting your man card revoked,” Jeff said to Josh.

“Fuck you, asshole,” Josh said as he got up and grabbed another beer from the cooler and sat back down. “No one is revoking my man card.”

“Dude, you watched The Notebook, alone,” Jeff said with a serious look.

Gunner started laughing and shook his head. “That is a good movie, I have to say.”

Josh jumped up and pointed at Gunner. “See! Gunner watched it. Why can he watch it and it’s okay, but if I watch it, I’m a pussy and get my man card revoked.”

I looked over at Scott’s best friend from college, Lark, who was sitting there, just taking it all in with a smile.

Jeff took in a deep breath of air and blew it out. “Gunner can watch it ’cause he’s Gunner. He’s a romantic pussy who lost his man card years ago.”

Gunner sat up and said, “Hey!”

Lark lost it laughing, as did I. Jeff continued on with his explanation as to why Josh must lose his card.

“You, on the other hand, are not Gunner. As much as you’d like to think you’re romantic, you will never be like the master himself,” Jeff said, and pointed toward Gunner, who stood up and took a bow.

I shook my head and took a sip of water as Josh stood up to plead his case.

“Uh, excuse me, asswipe, but I kicked your asses with my song to Heather, let’s not forget that. I kick your asses every day, you just don’t know about it. I got up and went out the other morning and found wildflowers, in December mind you, and made a little bouquet and brought them up to Heather with breakfast and fresh squeezed orange juice. Then I gave her a certificate to go and get a message while I watched the kids for the afternoon. When she got home I had one of her favorite meals cooked, had the kids washed, fed and ready for bed. Don’t tell me I’m not romantic.”

He looked around at each of us. No one said anything for a few seconds until Lark said, “Holy fucking shit. You’re whipped, dude.” Lark threw his head back and laughed some more. We all laughed and Josh just sat there, shaking his head.

“Okay, I will say that was pretty good, Josh.” Gunner said.

“Thank you, Gunner. I’ll just say Heather appreciated it and I was rewarded very nicely that evening.”

“You’re still getting your man card revoked. I’m logging on when I get home,” Jeff said as he pulled out his phone. “If I thought I could get a signal, I’d log on now and do it.”

Josh looked at him and shook his head. “Dude, are you kidding me? If you do that I’ll revoke your card.”

“For what?”

Josh tilted his head and looked at Jeff. “Twilight?” Josh said as he winked at Jeff.

Jeff sat up and dropped his mouth open. “How do you know about that, you little fucker?”

Gunner, Lark and I all leaned forward. Oh, this was gonna be good.

“What about Twilight?” Gunner and Lark said at the same time.

Josh gave Jeff a smirk and said, “Jeff here, who claims not to be pussy-whipped, watched all the Twilight movies with Ari. Might I add…all the movies one right after the other. Twilight marathon.”

Gunner leaned back and let out a chuckle. “Damn Josh, you’re reaching now.”

“Oh, I’m not done,” Josh said. “Not only did Jeff watch the movies with Ari, he invested hours into reading the books.”

All of us busted out laughing as Jeff rolled his eyes. “Fuck you, Josh. You read Fifty Shades of Pink.”

Josh shook his head, “It’s Fifty Shades of Grey, you stupid shit, and you had Ari read it to you!”

“Hey, that was a good book. I let Amanda read it to me, too, and my dick had never been so exhausted in my life as it was when she was reading that book to me,” I said with a smile and wink over towards Josh.

“Shit dude, tell me. Ells wanted to try almost everything in the book. That book should be like some kind of required reading for men,” Gunner said with a laugh.

“Dude! Jesus H. Christ. That’s my sister. I don’t need to hear that shit. I think I might have just thrown up a little in my mouth,” Jeff said as he punched Gunner in the arm.

“Oh hey, you know what are good books? It’s that one series where the guys eat a lot…damn, what’s it called again?” Josh said as he tried to remember the name of the books.

“Oh hell, Amanda and I read those, their last names are Bradford, right?” I said with a chuckle.

“Yes!” Gunner and Josh both said at the same time.

Lark stood up and looked around at all of us. “Holy hell. All of y’all’s man cards are officially revoked for twenty four hours.”

We all looked around. “Wait. Dude, are you serious?” Jeff asked with a panicked looked on his face.

“Hell yeah I am. You’re all a bunch of pussy-whipped, chick-flick watching, and romance-reading girls. Give them up. Now.”

“Son of a bitch. Good going, Josh!” Jeff said as he reached for his wallet and took out his man card and gave it to Lark.

“Gunner? Fork it over.” Gunner cursed under his breath as he took his card out of his wallet. “You don’t know what it’s like though, Lark. I mean, if you just gave it a try you’d like watching…”

Lark held up his hand and stopped Gunner from talking. “No. I’m pretty sure I’d rather jack off in a field of prickly pears then watch a chick flick. Guaranteed sex or not, no fucking way.”

Josh and I handed Lark our cards as he put them in his wallet. “Thank God Scott’s talking to Garrett, because if I ever find out he has watched a chick flick…oh I don’t even want to think about it.”

“He has,” we all said at once and then laughed.

Lark’s mouth dropped open. “This is exactly why I like being single.” He began pointing to all of us. “This reason right here. Pansy asses.” He turned and walked toward the large bonfire of Christmas trees, mumbling something about chick flicks, books and pussy-ass men.

Jeff looked around at each of us and then down to the ground before looking back up. “Damn…I feel lost without my man card. Just knowing it was there in my wallet and now…damn.”

I glanced up and saw Amanda talking to Heather. She was smiling about something and just seeing how happy she was caused me to smile. I was shocked when she had come home from dinner with my mother with a box full of baby pictures of me, and a smile on her face. When I asked her how it went she replied back with. “Great!” and then told me all about her dinner with my mother.

She must have sensed me watching her because she looked over and winked at me. I winked back and gave her the best panty-melting smile I could muster. She smiled bigger and then said something to Heather. Heather nodded her head and Amanda started walking toward me. She walked right up to me and then sat down in my lap.

“Hey baby,” she purred into my ear as I moved my hand up her sweatshirt.

“Hey back at ya,” I said as I kissed her gently on the lips.

Amanda looked around and said, “Jesus, did a puppy die or something? What in the hell is wrong with all y’all?”

“Got our man cards taken away by Lark,” Josh said as he kicked the dirt. Heather came walking up and must have heard him, because she started laughing. She wrapped her arms around him from behind and whispered something to him, causing him to smile from ear to ear.

Ellie came skipping over and skidded to a stop. “It’s almost midnight! Eeepp! Gunner, will you throw a few more trees on the fire?”

Gunner jumped up and stumbled before Ellie reached out to him. “How much have you had to drink?” she asked as she looked at Jeff with her hands on her hips.

“Oh my God. Why are you looking at me like that? He’s a grown man, I didn’t make him drink!”

Ellie gave Jeff the evil eye and then turned back to Gunner. “Baby, don’t drink anymore. I need you to not be drunk so we can…well you know,” she said as she winked at a smiling Gunner and then grinned at Jeff.

“Yuck. Gross. You’re a brat, Ellie.” Jeff jumped up and made his way over toward Ari. He walked up behind her and picked her up and spun her around before setting her down and turning her around to face him. He kissed the shit out of her as she smiled from ear to ear.

I rubbed Amanda’s back and said, “Gunner, I’ll help you throw a few trees on.” Amanda quickly gave me a kiss and then looked at her cell phone. “Oh gosh. Just fifteen minutes!”

Gunner and I quickly threw three more Christmas trees into the bonfire. The heat coming from it was perfect for this chilly night. Everyone began making their way over to the bonfire.

We all stood around the fire as each person said one thing that was for him or her, the best part of the last year. Of course Amanda said the birth of Meg. I couldn’t pick one…I had so many. When it was my turn I just smiled and said, “My wife’s love.” It was her love that pulled me back from the brink. It was her love that saved me from so much.

We counted down to zero and then kissed our loved ones. Before I kissed Amanda, I glanced over to all my friends. They were all kissing and laughing. I turned and looked into Amanda’s eyes.

“Happy New Year, pumpkin,” I said as I placed my hand on the side of her face.

“Happy New Year, Brad,” she whispered to me, before reaching up on her toes and bringing her lips to mine. As we kissed, every happy memory from last year just flooded my mind.

“To a new year filled with nothing but happy memories and lots of love,” Amanda said as she pulled away and looked up at me.

I grinned and nodded my head. I didn’t doubt what she said was true. I was going to be able to be home with her and Meg. Be there for every step of the pregnancy and build my wife her dream home.

Yes. Yes, it was going to be a year filled with lots of happy memories and even more love.

She tilted her head and looked at me. “Do you think this year will be the best yet?”

I couldn’t help but smile bigger and let out a small chuckle.

“Yeah, baby. I believe anything is possible with you by my side.”

Amanda bit down on her lower lip as I leaned down and captured her lips with mine. I wasn’t sure how long we kissed for, but all I knew was I had never been so happy and so at peace in my life. I thought back to how Bryan had told me in therapy I only had to believe. Believe in my own strength. Believe in the love of my friends and family and believe that only I had control of my future.

As I stood there and held my wife in my arms I thought about that word. The definition of believe is to “accept as true.”

I smiled to myself and looked up at the night sky as I whispered,

“I believe.”

The pain. Shit, I don’t remember this kind of pain before. I grabbed onto the side rails and tried to ride out the contraction. Brad was just about to tell me to breathe through it when I held up my hand.

“Stop! I swear. To God. If you tell me. One. More. Time. To breathe. Through the pain. I’m going to make you hurt.”

“Ah, duly noted. No more breathing through the pain,” Brad said with a smile.

“Brad, go find the damn nurse and tell her I want the epidural now!” I said through gritted teeth.

“Honey, are you sure?”

I snapped my head and looked at him.

“But the plan, baby. You told me if…”

I grabbed him by the t-shirt. “I swear to God, Brad, if you ever want to have sex with me again, you’ll find that bitch and tell her I want the epidural…now!”

Brad quickly spun around and headed out the door. I took a deep breath and tried to concentrate on something other than the pain. I closed my eyes and pictured our new house. It was breathtaking. The baby’s room had been painted in a beautiful pastel green that Brad picked out. Josh made all the furniture, and I cried when they gave it to us at the baby shower.

Maegan’s room was painted pink with a butterfly theme. Brad said every time he walked in there he felt like someone had thrown up Pepto-Bismol all over the walls. I was so happy with how the house was coming together. We had only moved in a few weeks ago and just in time. This baby was ready whether we were or not.

Brad came walking back in with the nurse and another guy.

“Amanda, I’m the anesthesiologist that will be administering the epidural.”

“Oh, thank God!” I said as I felt another one coming on.

“Jesus…hurry, will you please, doctor? I think she’s pissed because I ate spicy food last night.”

He laughed as he shook his head. “All right, let’s do this.”

As I looked down at my beautiful daughter, I couldn’t help but think of how much had happened in the last year and a half. I moved my finger all along her sweet face as I listened to everyone talking. Taylor had been passed all around to everyone. Alex was already in love with Taylor.

I glanced over to Brad and gave him a wink. He lifted his eyebrows and walked over to me. He leaned down and kissed Taylor and then he kissed me oh so sweetly on the lips.

“I’m so proud of you, Manda. You amaze me.” He whispered.

I let out a giggle and said, “I’m sorry for calling you a bastard.”

“‘Fucking bastard’ I believe is what you called me.”

I rolled my eyes and put my hand up behind his neck and pulled him to my lips again. As he stood back up he looked down at Taylor and shook his head.

“My God. Two girls,” he whispered.

I let out a chuckle. “Yep, two girls. Two beautiful girls.”

Brad turned and looked at Jeff holding Luke. “I’m telling you, that’s the one to look out for…right there. Mark my words, if he’s anything like his father…”

I laughed and caused Taylor to startle.

Jeff saw us looking at him and he walked over.

“Manda, she’s beautiful,” Jeff said as he reached down and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

“Thank you, Jeff. Brad here seems to think little Luke is going to be the player in the bunch,” I said with a wink.

Jeff threw his head back and laughed. “Oh hell yeah, he will be!”

Luke said, “Hell yeah!”

“Oh! Oh no buddy! Don’t say that. That’s a bad, bad word,” Jeff said as Brad’s mouth dropped open and he slowly looked back at me.

“Oh God,” Brad said as he closed his eyes. “My little girls.”

I let out a laugh and shook my head. “Don’t worry baby, they will always be daddy’s little girls.”

He slowly smiled and reached for Taylor. I handed her to him, and he began rocking her as he smiled and said, “You better believe it. Daddy’s little girls forever.”