Текст книги "Believe"

Автор книги: Kelly Elliott

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Текущая страница: 2 (всего у книги 5 страниц)

I fucking love my wife.

I stood there and watched Brad fill up the basket with yet more toys from ToysRUs. “Really, Brad?” I looked into the cart and saw an Alphabet Activity Cube, a Laugh and Learn Smart Screen laptop, a LeapFrog Touch Magic counting train, a Walk N Roll rider bike, a little shopper play set, a Disney princess doll, a cell phone with keys and remote control, which I thought Brad got a little too excited about, and a Candy Land game.

“Brad, she can’t play Candy Land yet,” I said as I put my hands on my hips. My parents were watching Maegan for us while we went shopping, and it was a good thing since we’d been in the store for almost two hours.

“Yeah, but we can play it,” Brad said with a smile.

“Why would we want to play it?” I asked, giving him a confused look.

He shrugged his shoulders and pushed the cart down another aisle. “Oh no…” I whispered. We were down the baby doll aisle.

“Should we get Alex one?” he asked.

“No! I’ve bought all the kids their gifts already. No more,” I said as I rolled my eyes. But then, I saw the cutest baby doll ever. I quickly glanced at Brad who was looking at one a little too closely. I quickly put four dolls in the cart, one for Alex, Grace, Libby and Maegan. I looked at Brad and started laughing.

“What in the hell are you doing?”

He looked up at me and said, “This thing goes potty. How in the hell does it go potty and why would you want it to go potty?”

I let out a laugh as I walked up, took it out of his hands and put it down.

I grabbed him by the arm and pulled back over to our cart and began pushing it as I said, “Come on, I’m starving, and I need food before I pass out.”

I’d never laughed so much as I did with my parents and Brad while we wrapped Christmas presents. Maegan had been exhausted and actually fell asleep before we shut her bedroom door.

“So y’all are leaving in the morning to head to Mason, right?” My mother asked. She had been giving me funny looks all night. Like she wanted to say something to me but didn’t know how.

“Yep. Heather and Josh are staying with Jeff and Ari, and we’re staying at Gunner and Ells’. It’s going to be crazy insane, but I cannot wait,” I said. I looked at Brad and he was smiling.

Gunner and Ellie came up with the idea of everyone spending Christmas Day at the ranch. We were telling the kids that Santa left all the presents at Gunner and Ells’ place and we would all open gifts there. Then, Heather and Josh were going home to spend Christmas evening with his parents, and we were doing the same with my parents.

“Ellie already has a plan of action of how it’s going to go down. Her main thing is that none of the kids are going to be allowed to just rip into gifts. They need to enjoy them, so it’s one at a time,” Brad said, rolling his eyes.

My mother laughed and said, “That will work for a few years when y’all can control them, but the older they get…they are going to want to rip into the presents.”

I let out a giggle. I think next year it’s already planned—Christmas morning at our houses and then we will go to Gunner and Ells’ place, where the kids will exchange gifts.”

“I see. That makes sense because the older they get, the more excited they get, and they want to open gifts first thing,” Mom said. She stood up and placed another gift in the box.

I nodded my head and said, “I don’t think I could do this every year anyway. Pack up all the gifts and take them to Mason…no way.”

“Well…who wants something to snack on? We still have a pile of gifts to wrap!” Mom said. She looked at Brad and raised her eyebrows.

“What? Why are you looking at me? She’s just as guilty,” Brad said, pointing over at me.

“Yes sweetheart, a snack sounds good. And some hot tea maybe?” my father asked.

“Sure daddy, hot tea it is.”

I loved that my parents were here with us. They loved Brad so much and made him feel like he was their son, which was so important to him, especially with his own parents being such asswipes.

We walked into the kitchen and I opened the refrigerator and pulled out some fruit and cheese to make a platter. I spun around to see my mother standing there with her arms crossed over her chest with “the look.” I instantly got chills and had to think if I’d done something wrong. Holy hell, I felt like I was in high school and she was waiting for me to confess I drank alcohol or something.

I looked at her with a confused expression and said, “Umm…something wrong, Mom?”

She just shook her head. Okay. “Mom, why are you looking at me like I’m in trouble or something? You’re kind of freaking me out…can you stop?”

She smiled and dropped her arms. “Want a glass of wine?” She asked as she moved over to where we kept a few bottles. “Is this the same wine you had the last time I asked for wine?” she asked.

I laughed. “Yep. With Brad not drinking anymore, I just don’t really have any of it. I mean I might have one glass if we’re out to dinner or something, but I try to stay away from it.”

My mother turned and looked at me. “So, do you want me to pour you a glass?” she asked, smiling an evil smile.

“Um…no thanks.” Shit. I’m so glad Brad doesn’t drink so I can use that as the excuse as to why I don’t want anything.

“Oh come on, just one glass. I know for a fact Brad does not care if you have a glass of wine.”

She’s pure evil. “No thanks,” I said with a smile and went back to cutting up fruit.

She let out a sigh and said, “Why not? I just want you to have one glass, Mandy, just one.”

Huh? Why is she pushing me? “What? Mom, why is it so important that I have a glass of wine? If you want a glass go ahead. I just don’t want one.”

“You’re a party pooper, come on. I’m going to open up a bottle. Maybe your father will want to join us also.”

I slammed the knife on the counter and looked at her. “I. Don’t. Want. A. Glass. Of. Wine. Mom.”

“Why?”

“Mom!”

“Is it because of the baby?” she whispered.

“Yes! You know I can’t have any because…” Oh snap. I closed my eyes and slowly shook my head. My mother very quietly started jumping up and down and air clapping.

“I knew it! I knew it the moment I saw you,” she said in a hushed voice. I watched as she did a goofy dance around the kitchen and I couldn’t help but start laughing.

“Really, Mom? How old are you?”

“I’m as old as I feel and I feel like I’m about twenty-five, thank you very much,” she said with a wink.

“So?” she asked, then sat on the bar stool and placed her chin on the back of her hand. Her eyes were wide with excitement and she nodded her head like she wanted me to hurry it up.

I shrugged and said, “Sooo…what?”

She dropped her hands and leaned back and just looked at me. “Don’t be cute. When did you find out? When are you telling Brad?”

My mouth dropped open. I leaned closer towards her and said, “Is this like some super power older women have? How did you even know and how in the hell do you know I haven’t told him yet?”

She took in a deep breath and let it out. “First off, I’d like to say it was a super power but I’m your mother, I just knew the moment I saw you. I could tell. You’re glowing. Secondly, Brad told your father earlier that he’s getting worried; y’all have been trying to have a baby for a while now. He asked your dad if the drugs he took could be the reason he can’t get you pregnant. I overheard them talking and your father assured him that it will happen when it’s meant to happen.”

I felt the tears stinging my eyes. “Mom…why can’t he move past the guilt? I just want him to know how much I love him and that it’s all in the past.”

She got up and walked around the island. When she took me in her arms, I tried so hard to hold it in but I started crying.

“Oh baby girl, don’t cry. I really think this baby is going to help Brad fully heal. I know it will.”

I started nodding my head and said, “God, I hope so, Mom. I really hope so. He’s doing so good and is so happy and it kills me that he beats himself up over the fact that he missed out on so much of the pregnancy.”

She pulled back and gave me a slight smile. “Can you blame him for wanting a second chance?”

Then it hit me like it always does. “But Mom…it’s really my fault. I hid the pregnancy from him for so long…maybe if I had told him sooner he might not have gotten so deep…”

She put her fingers up to my lips and shook her head. “No. We don’t do this. We don’t play the what if’s…ever. The past is in the past. Leave it there. If you don’t, it will eat you alive and for what? You can’t do anything to change it, so learn from it and let it go.”

I looked at my mom and smiled. She had always been my rock. She was a therapist and her best friend and colleague had agreed to be Brad’s therapist after he got out of rehab. Bryan had suggested that Brad continue to see one for as long as he felt the need. He still goes and talks to her at least twice a month.

Brad walked in and stopped when he saw us. “What’s wrong?” he said as he looked at me and then at my mother.

My mom started laughing. “Nothing, sweetheart. I was telling Amanda an old story and she got all emotional.” She turned and winked at me as I tried to smile.

Brad walked up and took me into his arms. “I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you too.”

After we had brought all the presents in and put them in the garage, we all headed outside. The girls were all sitting out back laughing and talking.

“What, do the kids all take naps at the same time now?” I asked as I walked up and kissed Amanda on the cheek.

“By some miracle, they all crashed at the same time,” Ari said with a chuckle.

“The minute I saw Libby and Will sleeping I just left them where they were…sound asleep in their stroller.”

We all let out a soft laugh. Each of the kids had fallen asleep. Ari had been holding a sleeping Grace up until five minutes ago, when she got up and put her in Alex’s playpen. Maegan had crashed in the portable playpen a few minutes ago, and Luke was sleeping in one of the lounge chairs.

“Man, Luke looks like his dad after a night of heavy drinking,” I said as I punched Jeff in the arm.

“Fuck you, dude.”

I looked around at everyone and then shook my head.

“I wish Scott and Jessie were here,” I said, and everyone nodded in agreement.

Ellie let out a small sigh and then said, “Okay. So everyone knows the game plan right? Y’all are all going to come over around eight in the morning, right?”

Ari and Heather moaned as Ellie gave them a look. “I know your kids are up by then, so don’t moan about it. If we start early that gives us all time to hang out and then get ready to spend the afternoon with our parents.”

“Fine, but if Luke sleeps in, my ass is letting him. He’s a monster if you wake him up before he’s ready,” Ari said as Jeff laughed and agreed.

We spent the next hour or so talking and laughing about everything and nothing. Ellie talked about the baby and how excited she was, Josh talked about how well the business was going and how he just landed a huge job for a doctor’s office in Fredericksburg, and Jeff and Gunner talked about the ranch.

I had yet to tell Amanda I got a promotion at work and that I was now going to be able to work from home most of the time. I couldn’t wait to tell her and planned on telling her tonight sometime. I loved spending every single minute with her and Meg, so this was perfect. I didn’t even care when she dragged me to all those craft shows and into all the stores in Fredericksburg, even though we’d been in them a thousand times. I just loved being with her. As we all enjoyed the rest of the afternoon, I couldn’t help but feel more and more excited about telling Amanda the good news.

Gunner and I sat on the back porch that evening and talked after I had helped Amanda put Maegan down to bed. I was surprised Meg went to sleep in the portable crib so well in our room. She was a creature of habit and usually didn’t take too well to change. I looked up to see Amanda and Ellie walk out onto the porch. Amanda looked at me and her cheeks instantly blushed. I couldn’t help but wonder what she had been thinking of to ’cause her to blush like that. Maybe the other morning in the kitchen perhaps. I had to move and adjust my jeans just thinking about that morning. Damn.

She walked over and sat down in my lap. She moved a little and must have felt my hard on, because she raised her eyebrows and winked.

“Want to go for a walk?” she asked.

I looked out into the dark night and smiled. “Baby, it’s pitch dark out.”

She held up two flashlights and winked.

I let out a laugh and said, “My baby wants to go on a midnight stroll, let’s go for a stroll.”

She jumped up and let out a little shriek and so did Ellie. Gunner smiled and shrugged his shoulders. Ellie handed a blanket to Amanda and she wrapped it around her shoulders. She had on a sweatshirt, so I couldn’t believe she was still cold.

“You want a heavier jacket so you don’t have to carry the blanket?” I asked as Gunner stood up.

“No!” Ellie and Amanda both yelled. I took a step back and held up my hands. “Okay. Okay…blanket it is.” Gunner threw his head back and laughed.

“Why do I think this was planned?” he said as he looked over at a smiling Ellie.

She slowly shook her head and said, “I don’t know what you mean.”

Amanda giggled as she hooked her arm in mine and we headed off for our stroll in the dark. As we walked, Amanda took in a deep breath of air.

“God, I love it out here,” she said as she put her head back some.

My heart started beating faster. Now with my promotion, we could move closer to everyone since I would be working from home mostly.

“Yeah, I do too. Would you ever want to move out here?” I asked, trying to be as casual as I could.

Even though I couldn’t see her face, I could tell she was smiling. “In a heartbeat—if I didn’t think you would have to get an apartment and live in Austin and come home on the weekends!”

We both laughed and she reached down and took my hand. I was letting her lead the way since she had a clear plan of where we were going.

“Are we going to the barn?” I asked.

She didn’t say anything and picked up the pace a bit.

“What’s the rush, pumpkin? Where in the hell are you trying to go?”

She squeezed my hand and said, “The barn, damn it, but I just heard something running off! Hurry and walk faster!”

I reached down and swept her off her feet, carrying her the rest of the way to the barn. Gunner had built it right after his house was done and they only kept a few horses out there. It was probably the nicest barn I’d ever seen. The upper loft was finished out and a few times me, Gunner, Jeff and Josh had gone up there and just sat for hours shooting the shit. Fuck. I want to move out here and be closer to our friends.

The moment we walked into the barn and I saw the light coming from upstairs I knew something was up. I looked at Amanda and winked.

“You had this planned all along?” I asked her as I slowly set her down.

She nodded her head and bit down on her lower lip and started chewing on it. Clear sign she’s nervous about something. She slowly started walking backwards and over to the stairs. She didn’t want to…here? In Gunner’s barn?

I let out a small chuckle and started to follow her before I stopped. “Amanda…are you really wanting to have sex in Gunner’s barn? Baby, I love this new side of you and all, but…” I turned back and looked at the opening to the barn.

When I turned back around she was halfway up the stairs. Then I heard her let out a gasp and I took off up the stairs after her.

“What? What’s wrong…what did you—” I stopped dead in my tracks. “Oh wow,” I whispered. The loft was covered in white lights. Everywhere you looked were lights. The small round table that was up here was covered in a beautiful white tablecloth and there was a huge bouquet of white roses. As I followed Amanda, I noticed there was a tray of chocolate-covered strawberries and another tray that had fruit and cheese on it. Next to the table was a bottle of sparkling water and I had to laugh. I think I was the only one out of our friends who no longer drank. The two glasses on the table said “Congratulations” on them.

Holy hell. How did Amanda find out about my promotion?

Amanda put her hands up to her mouth and started crying. Why is she crying about my promotion? I thought she’d be happy. Shit.

I walked up behind her and wrapped my arms around her and asked, “Why are you crying?”

She slowly nodded her head and said, “They made it so special. They did this for us.” Then she began sobbing. I turned her around and pulled her chin up and looked into her eyes.

“Who made it so special?”

She wiped her nose in a not-so-romantic way and laughed. “Ari, Heather, Ellie and Jen. They planned all this for us.”

I shook my head. “How did they find out?”

She looked at me with a shocked expression. “What? How did they find out what?”

“That I got promoted at work?” I said. Amanda looked even more confused.

“You got promoted at work?” she asked, her mouth dropping open and her eyes lighting up.

I nodded my head. “Yep. I’m now going to be working mostly from home—

except for when I have to go in for meetings where they need me there.”

She slammed her hands over her mouth and started jumping up and down. “Oh. My. God! You’re going to be home with Meg and me? All the time?”

I nodded my head and she immediately fell into my arms and began crying harder.

“Thank you God. Oh…my…oh thank you, thank you, thank you,” she whispered in between sobs.

Now I was the one who was confused. I thought she knew about the promotion. I pulled her away from me and said, “Wait. I thought you knew about the promotion.”

She shook her head quickly. “No! How would I know about it? I didn’t think they were announcing it until after the first of the year. Oh, Brad. This is such wonderful news!” She went to hug me again but I stopped her.

I shook my head to clear my thoughts. “Wait, pumpkin…if you didn’t know about the promotion, what is this all about?” I looked at the crystal glasses. “I mean the glasses say “Congratulations” on them. What else are we celebrating?”

She bit down on her lip and began chewing on it again. I pulled it out and said, “Manda, stop chewing your lip off.”

“Sorry…um…well…um…” She looked into my eyes, and I swore the look in her eyes took my breath away. She reached into her back pocket and had something wrapped in a piece of Christmas tissue. She went to hand it to me but then stopped.

“I wanted to give you your Christmas present tonight. Alone. I asked the girls to help me come up with something and well…” she looked around and let out a chuckle. “They certainly helped me come up with something.”

She looked into my eyes and again as she handed me the tissue paper.

“Merry Christmas, baby. I love you,” she whispered.

I took the tissue paper from her and smiled. It was light as a feather. “Is there even anything in here? I asked.

She nodded and said, “Oh yeah.”

I started to open it up and unwrap it and that’s when I saw it.

Oh my God. It’s a pregnancy test.

I quickly looked at her and immediately felt the tears building in my eyes. I glanced back down and turned the test around.

I felt my legs starting to shake as I looked back up at her. She was crying and I was barely able to even say a word.

I whispered, “We’re pregnant?”

She slowly nodded her head and I dropped to the ground and began crying.

The next thing I knew she was on the ground with me, crying just as hard as I was. I got on my knees and pulled her to me and held onto her as tight as I could.

The only thing I could say was, “Thank you God…thank you God…” over and over. I get my second chance. I finally get my second chance.

I pulled back and quickly wiped away my tears, and then wiped Amanda’s away with my thumbs.

“I just found out two days ago. I wanted to make it special for you. That’s why I waited to tell you, even though I wanted to tell you so badly. I wanted to make it special for you,” she said as she began crying again. I placed my hands on her face and brought her lips to mine.

“I love you…my God, I love you so much,” I said as I kissed her with as much passion and love as I could. She did this for me. My God, this amazing woman did this for me.

“I love you too, Brad. I love you so very much.” She said as she pulled back from my lips.

I slowly shook my head. “I don’t deserve you.” She put her hand behind my neck and pulled me into another kiss. I could literally feel her love pouring into my body and I’d never felt so at peace in my entire life.

She started to stand up and I followed her. She looked up into my eyes and said, “Yes. Yes you do deserve me, like I deserve you. We were meant to be together Brad. For always. Nothing will ever come between our love…ever.”

I ran the back of my hand softly across her cheek. “You’re so beautiful. I knew something was different about you the other night…you were…you were glowing.”

She smiled and closed her eyes. I looked up and couldn’t believe what I saw. A bed? When in the hell did Gunner put a bed up here and why?

Amanda turned and looked and started laughing. “You are probably wondering why there is a bed up here.”

“Well, yeah I can’t deny I’m at a loss. And it’s a damn nice bed at that.”

Amanda turned back to look at me. “Gunner wanted a little place for him and Ells to sneak off to sometimes to keep things romantic. He had Josh build it and they must have put it in recently.”

I closed my eyes and laughed. “Damn. That boy is such a romantic son of a bitch.”

Amanda laughed. “When Ellie mentioned it to me earlier, I had to laugh. Then I said Gunner wasn’t going to be too happy about that bed being here when his kids get older.”

I threw my head back and laughed my ass off. “Ah hell…brings new meaning to sneaking off to the barn to make out!”

Once we stopped laughing, Amanda grabbed the blanket and started to walk over to the bed. It had a quilt on it already, but Amanda threw the blanket on top of it and then turned to face me. The moment she began undressing I wanted to fall to the floor. I was about to make love to my wife…and she’s pregnant with our child. My heart was bursting with joy.

I watched as she took everything off and stood there. I looked her body up and down and then began to take my clothes off. The chill in the air wasn’t even noticeable…I was breathing so hard and Amanda’s chest was heaving up and down, turning me on even more. Once I was finished undressing, I walked over to her and stopped right in front of her. I took the back of my hand and ran it down from her face all the way to her stomach. When I touched her, she sucked in a breath of air and I smiled when I remembered her doing the same thing the other night.

“Amanda…”

She slowly sat on the bed and then lay down. I moved and hovered over her body. I felt the tears building and she smiled as she leaned up and kissed one away.

“Brad, please don’t cry.”

I smiled and brought my lips to hers as I gently kissed her. “I get to make love to you…while you’re pregnant with our child.”

She giggled and said, “You’ve been making love to me the last few weeks and I’ve been pregnant.”

I shook my head and closed my eyes thinking back to the last few weeks of being with her. Every time I’m with Amanda it feels like the first time. “No…this time is different.” I moved closer to her and then I slowly entered her body.

“God Amanda…I don’t ever want to leave this moment…ever.”

She gently ran her fingertips up and down my skin, and I felt goose bumps cover my whole body.

“Kiss me, Brad,” she whispered.

I slowly began moving my lips along her neck and up to her lips. I kissed her slowly, passionately and for what seemed like forever.

I took my time making love to her. I wanted her to feel every emotion I was feeling.

Once we were done making love, I lay there and held her in my arms. Moving my fingers up and down her arm, I took in a deep breath and slowly let it out.

“What are you thinking about?” Amanda asked me in a sleepy voice.

I smiled and said, “You.”

She looked up at me and put her chin on my chest and smiled. “Me? What about me?”

“You know…the usual stuff. How much I love you. How wonderful of a mother you are. How you’re such an amazing wife. How you love me and believe in me. How you never gave up on me and walked away when I gave you so many reasons to.” My voice cracked at the end and I closed my eyes to keep myself from crying like the pussy I was.

She slowly got up and crawled on top of me. I put my hands on her hips and looked at her beautiful face.

“Do you know why I’m all those things?” she asked as I shook my head.

“Because of your love and because you believe in me. I couldn’t imagine my life without you in it, Brad. I wouldn’t ever want to. I love you so much. Please don’t ever doubt that or doubt our love.”

I sat up and put my hand behind her neck as I began to bring her lips to mine.

“I never would. Ever.”