Текст книги "His Lover to Protect"

Автор книги: Katee Robert

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Текущая страница: 9 (всего у книги 11 страниц)

Chapter Eighteen

Alexis woke up wrapped around Luke. It was a really nice place to be. She took the opportunity to study his sleeping face. His beard was a little longer, and he looked tired even while sleeping, but some of the tension that had become so familiar was gone. It made sense. He’d been carrying around a burden to rival hers for a long time. It was enough to make her shake her head. Someone would have to search to find two people as messed up as they were. And yet…they seemed to fit each other.

Maybe all a person needed was someone to stop long enough to try to really understand where they’d come from.

Luke had done that and more—he’d given her back a part of herself she’d been searching for. And maybe, just maybe, she’d done a little of the same for him. She reached up and cupped his jaw, sliding her hand over the scruff. He opened his eyes. “You were watching me sleep.”

“Guilty as charged.”

He stretched beneath her and yawned. “I guess I can live with that.”

The train chose that moment to slow, nearly toppling her off his lap. Luke caught her before she fell and lifted her back onto the bed. “We’re almost there.”

She looked out the window, her eyes widening when she caught sight of… “Canals. We’re in Venice?”

“I figured Verona could wait a few days, since Venice is on the way. New experiences, remember?”

“This trip is full of them.” She accepted her bag when he passed it over and slipped on her jacket. Then she followed him toward the same door they’d come in. The early-morning sun hit her face, and she couldn’t help smiling. “This is amazing. I’ve only read about this place in one of the many travel books I’ve checked out over the years. Thank you, Luke.”

He took her hand. “Bri must be delighted that one of the Yeung sisters actually darkens the door of the library from time to time.”

The world took a slow turn, and reality slammed into her hard enough to steal her breath. She looked at him, willing the words to have not just come out of his mouth. But Luke only looked at her with an expectant expression, waiting for her reply. She took her hand from his and stumbled away. “You…”

“Darlin’, what’s wrong?”

Everything. She could barely hear him over the pounding in her head. All the times she’d thought his story didn’t quite line up and convinced herself she was being paranoid. She’d been right all along. The only way he could know that Bri ran the library back in Wellingford was if he knew Ryan. Luke moved to take her hand, but she backed out of reach. “Don’t touch me.”

“Alexis, what’s wrong?”

He hadn’t even realized his slip. A small, traitorous part of her wanted to keep her mouth shut and cling to what they had. But she’d be clinging to a lie, and she’d learned the hard way that the truth would use the first opportunity to rise up and punch her in the throat just like it’d done so many times before. Accusations flew to her lips, driven by an anger she clung to because the only other option was to face the all-encompassing loss threatening to take over. “Ryan asked you to come, didn’t he?” It was the only option. No one else in their group had the military background and contacts to call in a favor like this.

Luke went still and then closed his eyes. “Shit.”

Any hope that she’d had of being wrong disappeared as his shoulders slumped. It was true. Ryan and Drew and her sister hadn’t trusted her enough to let her do this alone. That hurt almost as much as the realization that Luke had been lying to her this entire time. “How do you know him?”

He opened his eyes. “We were PJs together.”

The bottom of her stomach dropped out. He wasn’t even a goddamn Marine. Had anything he said over the last week actually been true? “Wow.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it to get this out of control.”

“That’s the best you have? When were you going to tell me the truth?” She took another step back. “When I asked you to meet my family and friends? Or were you just going to smile and pretend they hadn’t sent you to keep me in line? God, you’re such a damn liar.”

“You were going to invite me home with you?” He shook his head as if trying to clear it. “Just hold on.” He held up his hands, but didn’t try to approach. “I meant what I said last night and this morning.”

“What part? The part where you said you wanted more with me? Or the part where I’m worth more than a womb?” Tears clogged her throat, but she refused to let them free. It was a lie. Her independence. Her freedom. Her actually starting to feel like she might have found the missing part of herself. All of it. “Did Ryan tell you exactly what to say to make me feel like I was actually accomplishing something over here? You must have gotten a good laugh over it.”

“I didn’t do shit except chase after you. You did the rest yourself.”

“You mean babysit. Did he tell you to sleep with me, too? It must have been difficult to get over your distaste for the spoiled little princess long enough to get me into bed. You really took one for the team.” She’d thought she experienced heartbreak when Eric sat her down to tell her it was over.

It was nothing compared to this.

Luke’s mouth went tight. “Enough, Alexis. We can talk this out.”

She jerked back, feeling like he’d reached out and slapped her. Stop it. Stop it right now before you say something you can’t take back. But it was too late. Hurt and betrayal welled up inside her, taking over, until she could barely look him in the face. “Ryan wasn’t just babysitting me when he called you in. Two birds, one stone, Luke.”

He flinched, some of the warmth draining out of his eyes. “You took your fate into your own hands, and you succeeded. This self-pity bullshit isn’t hurting anyone but yourself.”

The need to strike out, to expel some of this horrible feeling in her chest, was overwhelming. It was all a lie. “Don’t hold back. Tell me what you really think. Though my so-called self-pity can’t stand against yours.”

His mouth tightened. “There’s the spoiled little princess again, throwing a tantrum because the world isn’t how she thought it should be.”

God, it was a miracle she could keep breathing past the pain. “Better than sitting around, nursing old hurts. At least I tried to move on with my life. You’re—you’re happy being miserable.” She couldn’t do it anymore. If she stood here a second longer, she was going to burst into tears, and he didn’t deserve to see that he affected her enough to cry. “Good-bye, Luke. I’d say it was nice knowing you, but all it did was confirm what I knew the moment I saw you. You’re an arrogant asshole with a bad attitude.”

“Keep walking, princess. That’s what you do, isn’t it? Run away when things get hard.”

It’s not being a coward if I have to flee to keep from throwing myself in your arms and begging you to make it all okay. But it would be a lie—the last in a long line of many. She deserved better than that. And he deserved better than to be tied with a woman he’d only followed around as a favor to a former squad mate.

Luke let her go. He stood there and watched her walk away, disappearing into the crowd on the train platform. It wasn’t so easy to banish her words. He tried to dredge up some anger, annoyance, anything to avoid dealing with the gaping wound opening up inside him, but it wouldn’t come.

Of course she couldn’t wait around long enough to actually talk about this. She’d gotten some news she didn’t like and taken off. Just like she always did.

He shook his head. That reasoning didn’t stick anymore, not now that he knew her. She might have run from Wellingford, but she’d put up with a lot of shit before she did. And she was right—he’d been floating angrily through life since the IED went off. But he’d been about to start making changes. She inspired that.

Alexis had made him take a step to the side and really look at what his life could be like if he wasn’t so determined to cling to what he’d lost. Being around her amazing strength was enough to have him feeling like he could conquer anything.

Like he was more than the sum of his scars.

What the hell am I supposed to do now?

Luke cursed. “Chase her down, you idiot.” He might have lied to her about why he was in Europe in the first place, but he hadn’t lied about anything else. Hell, he’d been more truthful and real with her than he had been with anyone else in years. He couldn’t let her just walk away.

He started in the direction she’d gone, nearly shoving people out of his way. A flash of dark hair caught his eye, and he rushed over and spun the woman around. The woman who was not Alexis. “Shit, I’m sorry. Wrong person.”

She glared and rattled off something angry in Italian before hitching her purse higher on her shoulder and stalking away. Fuck. He turned a full circle, but there was no sight of Alexis. Which made sense. She wasn’t going to stick around and wait for him to pull his head out of his ass. Maybe it was for the best. What use did a woman like her have for him? Yeah, he was half a step from declaring something a whole lot more permanent than infatuation, but he was still broken in a big way. Her words only showed exactly how well she understood that.

You’re talking a good game because your goddamn heart is breaking, you fool.

Yeah, he was.

He should probably call Flannery and give him an update, but Luke didn’t have it in him right now. In order to explain why he wasn’t chasing her down, he’d have to tell the man he’d been crossing the line with Alexis from day one. That wasn’t a conversation he needed right now—or ever.

No, what he needed right now was a drink, preferably a double.

As he walked down the street, he wished he could appreciate the beauty of Venice, but the warm colors, ancient buildings, and countless bridges arching over the canals had nothing on Alexis. Christ, why hadn’t he gone after her immediately? The few minutes it took to shove his pride into the backseat was all she needed to run away. Yeah, she might not want to see him right now, but at least then he’d know she was safe.

He shook his head. That was a dirty lie. She was more than capable of taking care of herself. She’d proven that every step of the way. He was the one constantly trailing after her, bullying his way into her life in an effort to feel like he was worth a damn.

She didn’t need him. She never would.

A sign hung from a building up ahead, the picture of pizza and beer a promising one. If he was going to be in Italy, he might as well try the pizza, even if eating was the last thing he felt like doing right now. Still, the drink was high on his list, so he pushed through the door.

The room was deserted, faded wood tables and chairs without a single occupant. Even the bar running along the back of the room was empty. He almost turned around and walked out, but a dark-haired woman poked her head out from a doorway he hadn’t seen. She rattled something off in Italian, but the shooing motion couldn’t be clearer. They obviously weren’t open.

“My bad.”

“Whoa, hold on. American?”

He shrugged. “Yeah. Mississippi.”

“Awesome.” She jerked a thumb at herself. “New York, born and raised.” The woman paused as if considering him. “Look, we aren’t really open, but if you want…”

“A beer.” He felt like a drowning man flailing for a life preserver.

She laughed. “Dude, it’s nine a.m., but whatever floats your boat. If you want a beer, you can hang out and drink while I open.”

The ability to drink without worrying about some stranger trying to talk to him? If he didn’t feel like his heart had been ripped out of his chest, he might actually smile. “I’d appreciate that…”

“Tristina.”

“Luke.”

She disappeared under the bar and came up with a bottle. “Here. You look like you could use it.”

“You have no idea.” The first sip didn’t do a damn thing to wash away the last week. Hell, he wasn’t sure an entire brewery would be enough to erase how it felt to have Alexis in his arms. He was so fucked it wasn’t even funny.

“Try me.”

When he raised his eyebrows, she shrugged and laughed. “Bartender is just another word for shrink. The fact that I’m bilingual only makes it worse. I have people telling me their sob stories in both English and Italian. But the upside is it makes me really great at solving other people’s problems. And I’ve been doing this long enough to know that you have problems. It’s written all over your face.”

He almost begged off, but the truth was that he didn’t have another person in this world he could talk to about Alexis. Flannery would threaten his life, and Aunt Rose might actually fly her fifty-seven-year-old ass out here just to smack him upside the back of the head with her purse. “You sure?”

“Definitely. Hit me with it.” She opened a cabinet and started stacking glasses on the bar. “I guarantee I’ve heard it all before.”

“I’m retired military. Former squad mate of mine called in a favor and asked me to keep an eye on a family friend out here who was traveling alone. Which is fine, except I fell for her in the process. Today she figured out that I’m not a stranger she met in a bar, and that I was lying to her this entire time.”

Tristina’s dark eyes were wide. “Okay, I lied. I’ve never heard that one before. You said you’re falling for this girl?”

The truth was he’d passed that bridge yesterday when he held her while she cried and watched her pull herself together. Or maybe it was back on the top of Pulpit Rock when she faced down her fears to prove to herself she could. Or, hell, if he was going to be honest, the whole damn thing had started the moment she took out his bum leg in a back alley in Cork. “Head over heels.”

“Then why the hell are you sitting in my bar? Go get her.”

“It’s not that simple.” Even thinking about the look of betrayal on her face made him sick to his stomach. She was entitled to it, too. “She hates me.”

“If she let you hike around Europe with her, she doesn’t hate you. She’s probably wicked pissed, but you totally deserve that for lying to her.”

He drained half his beer. “Not really helping.”

“Nah, hear me out. Pissed isn’t forever—pissed is all surface-level hurt. You just have to man up and prove to her that what’s between you isn’t a lie. Simple.” Tristina grimaced and tucked her long hair behind her ears. “Okay, maybe not exactly simple, but it’s doable.”

It was easier said than done. He didn’t get the feeling that Alexis would stand still and talk with him. It was far more likely that she’d take out his knee and walk away while he was still trying to fight through the pain. “How the hell am I supposed to do that?”

“Hell if I know.” She laughed. “I just work here. But I can tell you that sitting at this bar, drinking a beer by yourself, isn’t the way to go.”

Which meant he needed to find her. That, at least, he had a head start on. Luke finished his beer and pushed to his feet. “What do I owe you?”

“It’s on the house.” She grinned. “Can’t put a price on entertainment.”

He snorted. “Thanks.”

“No problem. Now go get your girl.”

Chapter Nineteen

Alexis walked for hours, blind to the sights around her. All she could focus on was the betrayal soaking through her body, poisoning every memory of her time with Luke. He’d lied to her from the start. He’d been playing a part perfectly designed to make her feel like she was actually accomplishing what she set out to do here. Would she have done half of it if he weren’t there, prodding her along?

She didn’t know, and that was going to haunt her for the rest of her life.

When she finally started to notice her surroundings, the sun was sinking into the horizon. Shit. She needed to find a place to stay, and quickly. Walking around a strange city at night was asking for something bad to happen. She paused and dug through her bag, coming up with the lodging book she’d been using to pick out places to stay. Flipping to Venice, she picked the first hotel that looked familiar, not having the patience to deal with a hostel and the risk of sharing her room with other people. All she wanted right now was to be alone and mourn the loss of something she’d apparently never had to begin with.

Finding the hotel took longer than she would have liked, and by the time she walked into the lobby, it was fully dark. At least the clerk made checking in relatively painless, and ten minutes later, she was finally alone. Alexis locked the door and dropped her pack on the floor.

Then she tore off her jacket and stripped out of the dress. She’d never wear the damn thing again. Hell, she should cut it into a thousand tiny pieces and flush it down the toilet. Even feeling the flimsy fabric against her skin was a reminder of Luke’s hands on her body and the feeling of completion that only seemed to come with his mouth on hers and his cock sheathed deep within her. And the things he’d said to her, the beautiful things that made her feel like being whole and strong wasn’t just a possibility, but inevitable. All gone. All lies.

The only thing she’d done in Europe without him was visit the Blarney Stone. Not exactly the actions of the strong and fearless woman she’d started to feel like. Without Luke by her side, she never would have made it to the edge of that cliff. After a spectacular failure like that, would she have even bothered to try her next destination? Or would just have booked a flight and gone home with her tail between her legs?

She didn’t know.

Loss nearly made her double over. The lie was bad enough, but he’d taken away every single thing she’d accomplished in the process, stripping away New Alexis and leaving broken and battered Old Alexis in her place.

Moving on autopilot, she picked up the single phone in her room and went through the steps for an international call. She had no idea what time it was back home, and she didn’t care. Avery was going to hear what she had to say, one way or another.

Her sister answered on the third ring. “Hello?”

All the anger and frustration that had been brewing inside her since she realized Luke had been sent by Ryan bubbled up her throat, making it hard to breathe. “How could you?”

“Alexis?”

“Who else would it be?” Her laugh tore from her throat. “Why, Avery? Do you really think I’m so goddamn helpless that I can’t take care of myself? You knew how much I needed this!”

Her sister sighed. “He told you.”

“No. He was plenty happy to go along with the lie until kingdom come. But he slipped up.” She gripped the phone tighter, the storm of emotions inside her making her voice ugly. “You should pay him extra, though. He really went above and beyond the call of duty.”

“God, Alexis, you took off without a word to anyone. For all I knew, you were heading to that giant-ass cliff to throw yourself off. If our positions were reversed, you would have done the same damn thing.”

“You should have trusted me. I needed time and space to get my head on straight.”

“Then you should have planned your trip like a normal person instead of running away.”

Having Luke’s words thrown back in her face made her knees give out. She slumped onto the bed. “So you sent a babysitter.”

“It was Ryan’s idea, but I supported it. I’m not going to apologize for worrying about you, so if that’s what you’re looking for, you’re out of luck. I did what I thought was best.”

“And whose idea was it to have Luke fuck me into submission and say all the right things? Because that was a cold goddamn decision.”

A beat of silence passed, and then another. “I think you’re going to need to repeat that.”

“Which part—you all back home being assholes, or the part where Luke followed orders and blew my mind seven ways to Sunday?” A sob worked its way up her throat, escaping before she could hold it back. “I cared about him, Avery. I thought it was real.”

“Hold, please.”

Like she was going anywhere. All she wanted to do was crawl under the covers and cry until she didn’t feel anything anymore. She pushed back to her feet, but there wasn’t enough phone line to pace. “Sure. Whatever.”

“Thanks.” The sound was muffled, but she still heard a thump and a curse. Avery sounded so damn vicious, even Alexis winced. “Drew Flannery, I’m going to kill your brother, and I’m not even going to bother to make it look like an accident. What made Ryan think it was a good goddamn idea for Jacks to seduce my sister?”

Drew’s voice was a little farther away, but still clear. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“They’ve been knocking boots, bumping uglies… Do we really have to go through this again?”

“I’m going to kill that slimy little fuck.”

A rustling, and then Avery was back. “I think it’s pretty safe to say that no one asked Jacks to bang you, and you might want to tell him that next time he’s in Wellingford, the Flannery brothers are going to knock his teeth in.”

The back of her legs hit the bed and she let herself fall onto it. Again. They hadn’t set him out to seduce her? Not that she really believed that either Drew or Ryan would give the green light on something like that—it was too cold for them—but that didn’t mean a damn thing. The thing between her and Luke wasn’t real. Nothing had been real since their encounter in the alley. “But… What about all the stuff he said?”

“Honey, I don’t have the slightest idea what you’re talking about. We sent him out there to make sure you didn’t jump to your death or get murdered or taken into the slave trade. That was it. He wasn’t even supposed to be in contact with you if there was a choice in the matter.”

His words rolled through her. It was real, darlin’. All of it. “I… He lied to me.” He said what he needed to in order to keep her moving, keep her thinking she was doing things on her own when all along there’d been a safety net in place. A safety net she hadn’t asked for or wanted.

“Yeah, that was kind of in the job description.” The connection dissolved into static, and when it came back, Avery sounded calmer. “I have no idea what happened between you two, but if you want to share, I’m listening.”

“So you can send someone else out here to clean up the mess?”

“Good God, Alexis, cut it out. I want you happy, and if you’re going to promise me you’ll be safe, then I’ll do my damnedest to sit on my hands until you come home.” She paused. “You…are coming back, right?”

There was no question. As stifling as Wellingford had become over the last few months, it was still home. She couldn’t imagine herself anywhere else. And beyond that, she had a little niece or nephew coming into the world in a very short amount of time. She’d have to be a lot worse off to actually walk away from her family. “Yeah, I think so.”

“Thank God.”

Though part of her wanted to keep on the path of her righteous anger, she couldn’t do it. The truth was, she missed her sister. This was the longest they’d ever gone without talking, and it was downright unnatural. So she took a shuddering breath and let go of the rage that had taken the driver’s seat for most of the day. “I went to Austria and saw the gazebo.”

“The one—”

“Yeah. It was just like in the picture. I…I actually felt close to her there for the first time in a long time.” She took a shaky breath. “I miss her, Avery. It’s like losing her all over again, but it feels cleaner this time. I’m glad I went.” Glad that she’d finally faced all the fears she’d kept hidden in her heart of hearts. That had felt real, no matter that it was a lie that had taken her to Austria with Luke by her side.

“Did you find what you were looking for?”

That was the question, wasn’t it? She thought back over the last week, over the things she’d seen and the places she’d gone. Over her fights with Luke and the nights that lit her entire body on fire. Over the way he’d bared himself to her so completely, and hadn’t flinched when she’d returned the favor. Why would he flinch? He knew everything before getting on a plane to come after me. That wasn’t acceptance. That was him playing a part to make me feel like I was actually stronger than I am. “I wish you hadn’t sent him.”

“Honey, whatever you think he did, I should be the first to tell you—Jacks is a really shitty actor. The man wears his thoughts on his face like nobody’s business. I actually won a pretty penny from him playing poker last time he was in town visiting Ryan.”

“But…” He had been a giant asshole when they first met. Even when he’d dragged her up to his room, he’d been angry. It was only in Norway that some of that finally started to break, and then fall away completely in Salzburg. She wanted to keep silent, but the thought circling her mind had to be voiced. “I fell for him, Avery. So hard that I don’t know which way is up.”

“Luke’s a good guy.” Her sister sounded like she didn’t want to admit it, but Avery wasn’t much of a liar, either. “Kind of a grouchy crankypants, but a good man.”

“How am I supposed to know what’s real and what’s a lie? I can’t trust him.” She couldn’t trust the peace she’d felt because of him. No matter how much she wanted to.

“Honey, he told you his real name, and I doubt he bothered to come up with an entire fictional backstory. If I had my guess, it sounds like the only thing he didn’t tell you was why he was in Europe to begin with.”

“You can’t know that. He… He said all the right things to make me think I was doing this. He played me.”

“I don’t know about that. But you do. One way or another, you have to trust your instincts.”

“I don’t have any instincts left.” Every step she’d made along the way was the wrong one, from what she chose to major in to whom she almost married. It was all wrong.

Avery sighed. “Yeah, you do. You’ve just been such a people pleaser since Mom died that you buried them deep. Why don’t you take a few days, see some stuff, and figure out how you feel? If you want to tell Jacks to take a flying leap after that, do it. If you want to give him another chance, well, that’s an option, too. It’s your choice.”

Her choice. She felt like she’d spent so much of the last ten years just reacting. Booking the ticket to Cork was the first time she’d been proactive in her own life, and look where it had led her—in Venice alone, nursing a broken heart. “I’m afraid.”

She laughed. “You jumped on a plane to Europe with no plan. That’s as brave as a person gets. Just trust yourself.”

Her chest felt too tight. Did Avery know how hard it’d be for her to take that leap of faith where he was concerned? Every time she’d done it in the past, she’d been kicked in the face as a result. No matter what her sister thought, she couldn’t argue with Alexis’s track record. Who was to say her time with Luke was any different?

But…it had felt different. She’d never responded to Eric—or anyone else—the way she did with Luke. He’d brought out a side of her she didn’t know existed, a strong and snappy woman she’d been certain was broken a long time ago. Maybe Avery did know how difficult it’d be for her, but her sister wanted Alexis happy. She’d move heaven and earth to make it happen if it was within her power. Alexis fought back the tightness in her throat. “I love you.”

“I love you, too. Now go sightsee or whatever. Take lots of pictures!”

“I will. I promise.” She hung up, feeling marginally better. Trust her gut. Easier said than done, but at least she didn’t have to make a decision now. She could see a few more things, eat some amazing food, and then figure out how she felt about Luke.

Alexis had the creeping sense that she already knew damn well how she felt about it. She just needed some time to come to terms with it.