Текст книги "His Lover to Protect"

Автор книги: Katee Robert

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Текущая страница: 7 (всего у книги 11 страниц)

Chapter Fourteen

Alexis’s good mood lasted through breakfast, but took a nosedive when she caught sight of the garish tour bus. It had a picture of Maria and the von Trapp kids painted on the side and was big enough to fit fifty people. As she looked around, there were certainly enough people here to more than fill it. Her parents had done this on what her mother had called their second honeymoon. If she got on that bus, she’d be following in their footsteps.

Except she had beaten the cancer that killed her mother.

Not for the first time, she wondered if maybe their situations should have been reversed. If Mom lived, Yé-yé and Nâinai never would have moved in with Dad and taken over her and Avery’s lives. Avery might be happy now, but she wouldn’t have had to jump through such crazy hoops in her quest for a child. Maybe she and Drew would have seen the light earlier and saved each other a lot of pain. Her little sister would have someone to talk to about relationships and romance and everything under the sun. Their house would have been a home like it used to be.

And Alexis… She would have faded away. She wouldn’t be a constant disappointment to everyone around her.

Even as the thought crossed her mind—the same way it had more times than she could begin to count—it didn’t feel right. It was almost as if she was giving lip service to something she no longer felt. I’m worth more than this. I deserve better.

Her mother was a saint as far as she was concerned, and nothing would ever change that. But for the first time, she tried to put herself in Mom’s shoes. Would she have rather lived if one of her daughters died?

No. Hell no.

Alexis stood there under the warm sun and tried to wrap her mind around the new shape of the world. If she were in her mother’s place, with two daughters of her own, she’d take a bullet for either of them. What was a little cancer in the face of that? The universe didn’t work like that—one life for another—but she wouldn’t have hesitated to bargain with any higher power who’d listen for the lives of her daughters.

She couldn’t believe her mother would feel any differently.

Mom wouldn’t want me to live with regret. She’d just want me to live, to be happy, to move on.

It wasn’t an easy path, but she was on it. Alexis crossed her arms over her chest, suddenly cold. I can do this. It hasn’t been easy and it’s not going to get any more so, but I can do it. She refused to fail.

She caught sight of Luke and—surprise, surprise—he was scowling. “Whatever you’re thinking about, cut that shit out.”

His attitude grounded her, the same way it had at the top of Pulpit Rock. She put on a brave face, though it felt a little fragile around the edges. “I know this might come as a shock to you, but you can’t just glower your way in and demand that people’s thoughts stop offending you.”

“The world would be a better place if I could.” His green eyes were filled with concern. “We don’t have to do this.”

He was so much easier to deal with when he was snapping at her, even if it was a surface-level attitude, and he was offering her a way out. She hadn’t anticipated how raw she’d feel just staring at the bus. What was the tour itself going to do to her?

Desperate for a distraction, she blurted out, “Are your parents alive?”

“Yes.”

Just that. Nothing else. “But you never talk about them.”

“There’s nothing to say.” He shrugged. “I never knew my dad, and my mom was more concerned with her freedom than the well-being of her only child. She bounced when I was seven, and I haven’t seen her since.”

“Oh God. I’m sorry.”

“I’m not.” He hesitated, then seemed to resolve something. “I didn’t go without. My Aunt Rose raised me, and I had a pretty decent childhood. What more can a kid ask for?”

Two living, loving parents. But he was right, in a way. At least he’d had family to step in and take care of him. “Tell me about your aunt. You mentioned her last night, but didn’t really go into detail.”

She needed this distraction. People had started filing onto the bus, and the closer they got to the door, the harder her heart pounded.

For a second, she thought he might turn her down flat. Luke had never had a problem doing that before now, but he sighed. “She’s a nice lady who looks as sweet as the apple pie she bakes, but she ran a tight ship. Still does. She never hesitated to take me to task for tracking in dirt or screwing around in school.” A soft smile curved his lips, and it changed the look of his entire face. He’d been attractive before, but with the obvious love there, he was absolutely stunning. “I was a little hell-raiser, but she was really good at letting me run amok and being there to help me set things right. She was the one to offer the military as an option when I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life, and she was the one to pick me up and start to put me back together when they sent me back broken.”

What would her life have ended up like if her family was more like that? Nâinai loved the family in her own way, but she bowed to Yé-yé’s will in all things, and Alexis’s grandfather could barely stand the sight of her these days. She’d failed the family in every way that he thought counted.

Dad had done his best, and he loved her and Avery beyond a shadow of a doubt. He’d been by her side, the same as her sister, every step of the process, even though it’d torn him up in ways she could only imagine to see his daughter go through the same thing that had killed his wife. It meant that sometimes he needed to check out for a few days, and she’d always respected that, because she knew what it was like to have the past rise up and kick her in the teeth.

I did have support and love. What happened that I let my grandparents’ and ex’s negativity block that out?

She cleared her throat. “Your aunt sounds amazing.”

“She is. One of a kind.” He urged her toward the bus with a hand on the small of her back. “You haven’t lived until you’ve had her pie and sweet tea.”

She wasn’t sure what to say to that. It wasn’t likely that she’d ever meet the woman. Hell, she wasn’t even sure how long Luke would stick around. Yes, he’d accompanied her to Austria, and the sex was even more outstanding now than it’d been in Ireland and Norway—and who would’ve thought that was possible?—but that didn’t mean much in the long run.

Liar, liar, pants on fire.

He spoke as they boarded the bus and made their way to a pair of seats halfway back. “Tell me about your family.”

It was the last thing she wanted to talk about—especially with the confusion of thoughts currently circling her head—but it wasn’t like she could shoot him down after he opened up to her. “I have a little sister. She’s bold and amazing and doesn’t care what anyone thinks of her.” Avery was the best part of Wellingford, even if the sight of her growing belly made Alexis hurt so much she’d taken off. The rest of her family? “Dad loves me, loves both of us.” And she suddenly felt like she owed him an apology for shutting him out. “He’s a good dad. The best dad. He held things together after my mom died. My grandparents moved from China and in with us not too long after that and they’re…something else.”

“I take it that’s not a good thing.”

Why did he have to choose now to be insightful? The bus lurched into motion and she talked faster, wishing she could outrun the demons inside her as easily as she could form them into words. “Nâinai isn’t so bad. She’s not very maternal, but she loves us as much as she can. And she makes the best cookies you’ll ever try. Yé-yé …” Her throat felt like it was closing as the last conversation she had with him ran through her head. We expect you at dinner, Alexis. It’s the least you can do to after the mess you made of things with Eric. Because getting cancer and being dumped by her fiancé was obviously her fault. “It’s complicated.”

“Family always seems to be.”

Luke wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do about Alexis. With each stop on the tour, she became more and more withdrawn, until she barely responded to anything he said. He knew what she was dreading—the gazebo—but he didn’t know how to help.

The fact that he even wanted to help baffled him.

But this woman who didn’t flinch in the face of his scars was stronger than he’d given her credit for. And now she was so obviously in pain, he wanted to wipe it away.

As they exited the bus for the third time, he followed her across the grass to the gazebo. People took turns posing for pictures, but Alexis just looked at it, her face completely still. He couldn’t help thinking of the faded photograph she’d carted across half of Europe. Her parents looked so goddamn happy and in love. While he could understand the need to reclaim that, he didn’t get why it was tearing her up so badly. Remembering the good times shouldn’t hurt.

He searched for something to say, something to break the silence that had grown between them. “Do you want a picture?” She turned to face him and his heart stuttered to a stop when he saw the tear tracks on her face. “Alexis…”

“It’s okay.” Another tear fell. “You don’t have to say anything. I…I just need a minute.”

Did she honestly expect him to stand here and let her cry? To do nothing? Apparently she did, because she turned back to the gazebo, leaving him staring at her back. If he were smart, he’d just wait by the bus and let her ride out the storm. He didn’t know how to fix this, and so he was just as likely to make it worse as he was to make it better.

But Christ, he wasn’t capable of walking away.

Luke closed the distance between them and wrapped his arms around her from the back. A shudder racked her body, but she didn’t shrug him off. Thank God.

“I’m fine.”

“You don’t have to be.” He squeezed her, wishing he were better at this comforting shit. If his Aunt Rose were here, she’d know exactly what to say. But then, he’d gotten his tendency to take the tough-love path from her, and maybe that wasn’t what Alexis needed right now. What was he supposed to say when she was falling apart in his arms?

He didn’t know. So he went with the stark truth. “You can lean on me.”

“I…” Another shudder, stronger this time.

God, she was killing him. “I’ve got you, darlin’.”

Her sob broke his heart. “I miss her so much.” She turned in his arms, and he gathered her against him, trying to put all the words he’d never get right into this. Alexis’s entire body shook. “She shouldn’t have died. She’s gone and I’ve felt so alone for so long, and it’s so selfish and I know it’s selfish, but I wish she was here because I’m trying so damn hard and nothing I do is ever good enough.”

He held her and let her bleed out poison that must have been accumulating for a long time. Nothing he said could fix this, so he didn’t even try. He just held her through the fury of her grief.

She kept talking, her voice barely above a whisper. “For the longest time, I was sure there was some mistake. The cancer should have taken me—not her. She would have known what to do with the second chance, and I’ve been floundering.”

Cancer. Jesus Christ. He’d known there was something, but it’d never occurred to him that it could be that. Luke gathered her closer, wanting to deny the words coming out of her mouth, to shield her from the pain she’d so obviously been living with for far too long. “Alexis—”

“I was wrong. I realize that now. Even if there was some devil’s bargain to be made to bring her back and take me in her place, she never would have wanted that. And…it’s time to admit that I don’t want that, either.”

He’d thought her a spoiled princess when they first met, and the time they’d spent together had been slowly eroding that image. With this final confession, she blew it away until the only thing that remained was the real Alexis. Survivor. Stronger than she gave herself credit for. Too many things to put into words. Luke kissed her temple and held her, letting her cry it out.

He wasn’t sure how much time passed, but the guide had nearly everyone back on the bus by the time she lifted a tearstained face off his shoulder and sniffed. “I’m so sorry.”

“Darlin’, you have nothing to apologize for.” He smoothed his thumbs along her cheeks, catching a few more tears. “You’ve been holding that in for a long time.”

“There was never time to… For any of it.”

No time, and it was hellishly hard to face certain facts when a person’s life was falling to pieces around them. Hell, they had so much in common, it wasn’t even funny. They’d taken different paths to reach where they were, but both of them were on their own roads back to the land of the living. He smoothed her hair back. “How do you feel now?”

She swallowed. “Better, I think. I…” She looked away and then seemed to force herself to meet his gaze. “Thank you.”

“Don’t worry about it.” For all his affected nonchalance, Luke couldn’t help thinking that the balance had shifted between them. It had started in Norway, but they were rapidly reaching the point of no return. If he was going to be honest, they’d already flown straight past it.

He wasn’t sure he could walk away from her now, even if he wanted to.

Chapter Fifteen

Alexis made it through the rest of the tour without any more embarrassing breakdowns, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that something more profound than tears had happened back there by the gazebo. It had been like saying good-bye to Mom all over again, but this time, it felt…clean. There was no taint of sickness or the dawning horror of a family who had barely had a chance to say good-bye before they lost their rock. Maybe it was because she and Dad had been so happy here, or maybe it was because the family had survived. They kept living. Hell, some of them even flourished. Avery certainly had.

And as was becoming more and more clear, she hadn’t done too terribly for herself, either. Yes, it seemed like the world was ending in the last few years, but she’d survived.

I survived.

She wasn’t magically cured and moving on with her life, but it felt like a step in the right direction. More than that, something shifted between her and Luke back there. She kept catching him shooting unreadable looks in her direction—probably because she was doing her fair share of looking at him. Waiting for him to react to what she’d confessed.

But he didn’t.

When he put forth the idea to come to Salzburg, she doubted he realized he was signing on for a complete emotional breakdown. Except he hadn’t stood back at a safe distance. No, he’d been there to hold her up when she felt like her entire body was about to break apart. He’d held her through the storm and stood as her own personal bastion.

“What do you think about getting some food?”

She responded before her mind caught up with her mouth. “I’m not really hungry.”

“I’ll bet.” He touched the small of her back in a move he’d been using most of the day, steering her toward a little café down a side street she hadn’t noticed. “This isn’t exactly an alley, but try to restrain yourself. I’m just feeding you, not luring you off to steal your virtue.”

Against all reason, she smiled. “That’s probably for the best. You already stole it once today.”

His laughter warmed places she hadn’t even realized were cold in the first place. Luke slipped his arm around her waist. “If you’re lucky, I’ll steal it again before the night is over.”

His joking restored some of the norm to the whole situation—if walking down the street with a man she met less than a week ago after having a hurricane of an emotional meltdown on the Sound of Music bus tour was normal. She kept expecting him to ask questions or something, but he seemed to be just rolling with it. “If I’m lucky? Honey, you were the one pleading earlier.”

His eyebrows rose. “You have a very selective memory. Pretty sure there was some please Luke, oh my God, please going on.”

Heat stole across her cheeks, but she couldn’t stifle her grin. God, I really, really like this guy. “Fine. We’ll call this one a draw.”

“Deal.” He held open the door for her. “Now, food. You might not feel like it, but you need to eat.”

She wasn’t sure what to do with this caring side of him. “You’re very mother-hen right now.” She couldn’t remember the last person she’d let take care of her. Avery bullied her way into it sometimes, but it had become rarer and rarer over the last few years. Alexis always said she didn’t need it—she was more than capable of taking care of herself—but it was kind of nice with Luke.

He surveyed the café and then guided her to an empty table in the corner. “Goes with the territory.”

“What territory is that?”

He opened his mouth, choked off whatever he’d been about to say, and gave her a strained smile. “Marines, you know.”

She got the strangest feeling that he’d just lied to her. But that didn’t make sense. He’d already told her he was a Marine, and the injury to his side was consistent with an IED explosion. So why the tingling on the back of her neck? She shook her head. It must be leftover tension from earlier. That was all. “I thought your lot was more point-and-shoot than caregiver.”

“Yeah. A lot easier to kill than to save a life.”

It was something she’d heard Ryan say more times than she could count. Alexis frowned. “You don’t know a friend of mine—Ryan Flannery—do you?” She held her breath while she waited for his answer.

Luke rolled his eyes. “What is it with you and these Flannery guys? Ex-boyfriends?”

Picturing either of the Flannery brothers as boyfriend material made her cringe, especially since Drew was currently engaged to her little sister. “Ew, no. Family friends. Ryan is a pararescuer.”

He picked up the menu and scanned it. “Ah, that explains it. Those PJs are fucking crazy.”

“It’s been said before.” And still she couldn’t shake the feeling she was missing something. “Luke—”

“When were you diagnosed with cancer?”

All her breath left her in a rush. She’d known this was coming, but for him to ask her so nonchalantly blew her mind. “We’re not talking about me.” There was no reason to talk about it. She didn’t owe him anything…except he’d been there for her when she needed him. Didn’t that earn him the truth? He wasn’t Eric. He was so far from Eric, it was amazing that they both occupied the same planet.

“Sure we are.” He set his menu aside and propped his chin on his fists. “We’ve talked about me. Hell, I’ve told you things I haven’t told anyone else. While I’m not saying that it’s tit for tat, it’d be nice if you trusted me enough to return the favor.”

He was right. She knew he was right. But it was still so hard to talk about that time. The ironic thing was that it wasn’t the cancer that she was most ashamed of. It was that it had cost her both her pending marriage and her grandparents’ approval. “It’s hard to talk about.”

“I can only imagine.” The waitress approached, and he rattled off an order for each of them and then turned back to her without missing a beat. “I’m just trying to understand you. Let me in, darlin’.”

This was the moment when she could open up to him, or she could shut the whole thing down. It wouldn’t take much. One well-placed verbal jab and they’d be back on familiar territory and her heart would be safe. Because opening up to Luke was playing hell on her emotional state. She wished she could blame it on everything else going on, but it wouldn’t be the truth.

The truth was that something settled in her chest when she was in his arms, and she craved it with a violence that was usually reserved for chocolate and Dirty Dancing. If she let him in now, there would be no going back.

Alexis met his sea-green eyes, and the empathy there undid her. How could she stand against a Luke who protected her?

The answer—she couldn’t.

She bit her lip, seeming to waffle, and Luke held perfectly still while he waited. He could be patient when the situation called for it, and he couldn’t put into words how much he wanted to know the full story. Cancer was brutal to even the strongest person, and Alexis was certainly that, but it felt like there was more to the story. Something had put its poison into her heart and twisted, and he needed to know what it was.

As the waitress set two beers in front of them, she gave a defeated sigh. “Do you want the CliffsNotes version or the whole ugly tale?”

This would change everything between them. He was already on the fence about backing off when she went back to the States. If she gave him half a reason, he’d do everything in his power to convince her to give him a chance.

A chance at what?

Luke gritted his teeth. There was no point in fighting the truth—he’d already made a decision when it came to Alexis Yeung. He wasn’t letting her get away without a fight, which meant he needed all the information he could get his hands on, no matter how uncomfortable it made him. “Tell me all of it.”

Her smile wavered a bit around the edges. “I was afraid you’d say that.” She took a sip of her beer. “I’m not asking for pity, okay? I’m just telling you what you asked to know.”

Dread wormed its way into his gut. What the hell did she have to say that she felt the need to preface it with that warning? It doesn’t matter. I need to know the full story. “Look at me, darlin’. Mine is not the face of pity.”

She laughed like he’d wanted her to. “Fair point. Okay, here goes.” Another drink of beer, though this time she was obviously stalling. “When my mom died, there were a lot of changes. Obviously. Like I mentioned before, my grandparents transplanted from China and came to live with us and to make sure we were brought up right.” Her face twisted. “Their version of right, which included yanking me out of dance class because it didn’t meet the requirements of their standard of a good Chinese woman.”

He decided right then and there that someday he’d take Alexis dancing. He might not be able to keep up, but she obviously missed it. The longing was written all over her face. “They sound better and better, the more I hear.”

“You aren’t the only one to feel that way, but they’re family.” She shrugged. “The thing is, they’re extremely traditional. From the time I was eighteen, they had it drilled into my head that the only way to bring honor to the family was to marry a pure Chinese man and pop out a baby or two.”

The thought of her marrying someone, let alone having children with him, made him want to break something. The sheer violence of his response shocked him. Yeah, he hadn’t been thrilled with her threats to chase down any man who would have her, but those were just empty promises. Marriage… That was different. Permanent. He was so busy fighting his reaction to her story, he almost missed the next part.

“So after I finished college, I ended up engaged to Eric.”

Shock reared up and kicked him right in the chest. “You’re engaged?”

“Not anymore. He broke the engagement a little over a year ago.” She stared into her beer. “You see, when I was twenty-eight, I was diagnosed with cervical cancer—the same cancer that killed my mom. It wasn’t as far gone as hers—not by a long shot—but I still went through a full hysterectomy and a round of chemo.”

The sadness on her face hit him right where it hurt, and it was everything he could do not to reach for her. “Aw, darlin’—”

She talked right over him, as if she had to get this out or she wouldn’t finish. “I’m fine. They keep an eye on it, but it hasn’t come back. It might never come back.” She set her beer aside. “But after the chemo was done, Eric sat me down and told me that he’d never signed on for this kind of commitment, especially when the possibility of biological children was gone.” Her smile was so brittle, it felt like it actually cut him. “Besides, I was never that good in bed to begin with.”

“I’ll kill him.” Luke twisted the cloth napkin between his hands, imagining it was that piece of shit’s neck. He knew he was mangling it, but if he didn’t keep himself busy, he might lose his shit right here and now.

He looked up to find Alexis’s eyes unnaturally wide. “Uh… That’s not necessary.”

This was what she was running from. Her asshole ex who’d kicked her when she was down. What kind of man said something like that to a woman he was supposed to love enough to marry? Even more than that, what kind of man tossed a woman like Alexis to the side solely because she couldn’t have biological children? She’d just survived fucking cancer and that’s all that idiot could focus on? He gritted his teeth. “It has nothing to do with necessary. It’ll be my pleasure.”

“That’s, uh, sweet, but no thanks.” Her hand shook a little when she drank her beer. “Besides, it’s nothing worse than what Yé-yé said afterward. I’m one gigantic black spot on the family honor, apparently.”

Jesus Christ. He was half a step away from burning her whole fucking town to the ground. “Your dad sat back and let these assholes talk to you like that?”

“It’s not like that.” Her eyes flashed at his attack of her father. “Dad loves me regardless of if I’m following Yé-yé’s wishes or not. And I don’t think he liked Eric all that much to begin with. Avery definitely didn’t.”

Yeah, from what he knew of his brief interaction with Avery last year, she would have been raring and ready to hamstring Alexis’s ex after knowing he said that to her. So why didn’t she? Neither Avery nor Flannery’s little brother were known for their restraint. Unless… “You didn’t tell your sister, did you?”

“She knows how our grandfather feels about me.”

Which was a neat side step. Luke narrowed his eyes. “Do your sister and dad know about what your ex said to you?”

“They’re not stupid, and Eric’s timing wasn’t subtle.”

Which wasn’t the same thing as her telling them the truth. He had a feeling that Alexis had made a habit of stuffing down her issues from the time her mother died. So her hurt and betrayal at both her grandfather and fiancé—two people who should have been at her back no matter what life threw at her—had been bottled up until she couldn’t deal with it anymore, and…

Realization hit. Avery was pregnant.

That had to be the catalyst for her booking a ticket to Europe without a word of warning. Not that he could voice his realization to Alexis, because how the hell would he know that her sister was knocked up? So he set aside the knowledge and reached across the table to take her hand. “I’m going to tell you something, and I need you to perk up those pretty ears because I’m only going to say it once. You listening?”

“Not every part of me is pretty.” When he just stared, she sighed. “Yes, I’m listening.”

“You are a beautiful fucking person, Alexis, and your ability to have kids has absolutely nothing to do with your worth. Nothing. You hear me?” It wasn’t like his words would magically take away the wounds of the past, but she needed to hear them spoken aloud.

And he needed to say them.

Her lower lip trembled a little, but she managed a smile and a nod. “I hear you, Luke.”