Текст книги "The Lies That Bind"

Автор книги: Kate Carlisle

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Текущая страница: 14 (всего у книги 19 страниц)

Chapter 17

“Another dead body?” I cried, having officially reached the end of my rope. “What the hell is going on with me? Was I a serial killer in a past life? Why do I keep finding dead people?”

Enough already.

“I agree it’s all become a bit chary,” Derek confessed as he struggled to keep the bookcase suspended.

“Chary? I hope that’s another word for totally unfair and highly annoying.”

“Something like that,” he said, grimacing as he shifted to lower the bookcase.

“Hey, wait, I want my book,” I said, pointing to the Oliver Twist in the dead man’s hand. I began to push books out of my path.

“Sorry, love,” he said, and shoved the bookcase back far enough that it no longer crushed the unfortunate Mr. Soo when it crashed to the ground.

“But, Derek, it’s worth—”

“Doesn’t matter,” he said, grabbing my arm and heading for the door. “We’re leaving now.”

I looked over my shoulder in dismay. “It would only take a second to—”

“We don’t have a second, love.” He looked both ways down the hall, then took off running for the stairs. “Hear those sirens?” he said as he reached the end of the hall and opened the door to the landing. “The police are going to stop right outside this building, I guarantee it. And since I’ve already spent several hours under police scrutiny, I don’t wish to draw any more attention to myself than is necessary.”

“Oh, good point.” I’d already determined that the book was well away from that sliver of blood seeping from—well, never mind, I thought, shivering at the picture of Mr. Soo lying dead in that room. It bothered me to leave the Oliver Twist, but I knew it would end up as evidence and eventually be returned to Naomi, who might still sell it to me.

Derek was more important right now. We had to get him away from there.

We raced down the stairs as police sirens pierced the air, growing louder and louder. Sure enough, they came to an abrupt stop on the side street bordering Mr. Soo’s building.

On the ground floor, we walked briskly toward the back of the building and exited onto the narrow one-way street that ran parallel to Grant. A walkway between office buildings and past several hole-in-the-wall eateries took us to the next street over, which was Kearny. From there, we strolled back to Union Square, window-shopping on the way.

Despite acting as a dividing line between the fashionable shops of Union Square and the monolithic skyscrapers of the Financial District, Kearny Street itself was slightly seedy with small discount shops, funky food joints, check-cashing services, and the occasional bar.

But it was a beautiful day in the city, with brilliant blue skies and a lovely breeze drifting through the canyons of high-rises on our left. We seemed a million miles away from the tawdry murder scene in Chinatown, and as we turned up Post Street, it felt as though we had all the time in the world.

“I’m sorry you had to leave your book back there,” Derek said as we walked past the Brooks Brothers window, which featured a men’s tan suit next to a pale pink crisp cotton dress. The dress was asexual and impossibly conservative, with short sleeves, a tucked bib front and a bow tie at the neck. Seriously, that was a bib. Who in the world would wear it? I had to force myself to look away.

“No, you were right,” I said finally. “We had to get out of there before the police showed up. But they’ll find the book and use it as evidence to nail these guys.”

He brought my hand to his lips and kissed it gently. “Yes, they will.”

“I’m sorry I went a little crazy,” I said, remembering my tantrum as we waited for the signal to change at Post and Grant. “I saw that man lying there and my brain exploded. One too many dead bodies, I guess.”

“I’m surprised you’ve held on this long,” he said, resting his cheek on my hand. “I know it’s been traumatic for you.”

“It’s getting more and more weird,” I admitted. “But that’s still no excuse to go off like I did.”

“Darling, you’re a strong woman, but you mustn’t be so hard on yourself.” He wrapped his arm around me and we crossed the street.

A sea of emotion swirled through me at his kind words. I wasn’t sure I deserved them, but they touched me in ways I couldn’t begin to describe. Maybe later, when I was alone, I would think back and wonder if this might be the most perfect moment of my life.

And how sad was it that such perfect moments were now defined by dead bodies?

A half block later we turned onto Maiden Lane, and I stopped to stare at a twelve-thousand-dollar cameo in the window of Gump’s. The ivory carving of the woman’s face was flawless, precise and elegant. It was mounted on a piece of amber so dark and rich it appeared midnight blue. Tiny diamonds encased in platinum circled the ivory and crisscrossed into a bow beneath the woman’s face.

“I wonder who called the police?” I mused, tearing my gaze away from the cameo.

“Somebody was watching that building,” Derek said matter-of-factly.

I looked up at him. “Maybe it was just another tenant who heard those two guys screaming and called nine-one-one.”

He shook his head. “That wasn’t the sort of place where people would willingly invite the police in.”

“True.”

“And the timing was much too coincidental.”

I turned to face him. “So you really think someone saw us go in there and called the cops?”

He shrugged.

“That’s downright creepy.”

“I couldn’t agree more.”

Uneasy, I glanced around, then shivered. Was somebody watching us right now? I didn’t want to believe it. Maybe someone, namely the killer, had been watching Mr. Soo’s place to see who might show up. That made some sense. But to be watching Derek and me? Following us around? Why?

I see things.

I shivered at the thought that Ned might be watching us from somewhere around here. But that was ridiculous. Ned never left BABA. Still, I couldn’t shake the feeling that someone had watched us go into that building.

“Those two men who came into Soo’s office didn’t sound like upstanding citizens, did they?”

“No,” Derek said, and left it at that.

We walked another half block along Maiden Lane and stopped to look at the display of yummy foods in the window of a tiny Italian cafeteria-style bistro. It looked a lot prettier than that amazing cameo. I was hungry before in Chinatown. Now I was ravenous.

Derek, bless his heart, ushered me into the cozy restaurant, where we chose a salad and sandwich to split. I decided to have a glass of wine, too. I deserved it. Derek chose a small bottle of San Pelligrino.

“What business would you say Mr. Soo was in?” I asked, once we were seated.

“My guess is book fraud.”

“That’s what I was thinking. That place was a veritable book repository.”

“Yes, it was,” he said, tearing at the loaf of thick Italian bread and dipping it in rich olive oil. “I would guess he bought and sold, but mostly brokered the deals. Books, engravings, other related artwork.”

“At least he was a good reader,” I reflected, as I took a bite of the thick, buttery prosciutto and cheese sandwich.

“Not anymore,” he said.

Derek dropped me off early at BABA and promised to come by later to pick me up. Did I dare to dream that tonight would be the night? I wasn’t going to hold my breath.

The first thing I saw when I walked inside was Alice and Naomi, whispering heatedly by the guillotine in the lower gallery.

The good news was, at least they were speaking.

When Alice saw me, she waved me over. “Brooklyn, you won’t believe what happened to Gunther.”

I glanced around warily. Because the Twisted festival was in full swing, visitors were walking through the gallery, checking out the cool displays and perusing the bookshelves.

“Why don’t we go to Naomi’s office to continue this conversation?” I said, sounding so annoyingly mature I wanted to cringe.

“Fine,” Naomi said, and flounced off in that direction.

Once we were behind closed doors, Alice’s emotions were let loose. “He’s been arrested. Can you believe it?”

“Oh, my goodness,” I said. “Really?”

“Yes. Isn’t it awful?”

Naomi groaned. “Alice, don’t be naive. Brooklyn’s acting like she doesn’t know, but she does. Her boyfriend is Gunther’s keeper.”

Wait a minute. Even Naomi could tell I was lying? That was so unfair.

“Naomi, shut up,” I said lamely.

Alice wasn’t paying attention to either of us. “I’ve had to cancel Gunther’s lithography class, but the auction is this coming weekend. He’s our biggest name. People will expect him to be there. What will we do without him? How will we make any money on the auction?”

“Stop whining,” Naomi said.

But Alice continued her rant. “What’ll we do? We can’t cancel it now. All those people. And the food. The caterers will . . . oh, God, the caterers.” She stopped and tried to catch her breath, but she couldn’t. She began to wheeze uncontrollably.

“Alice, you’re hyperventilating,” I said, alarmed. “Naomi, do you have a paper bag or something she can breathe into?”

“Why would I have a paper bag? Just . . . make her stop.”

Alice’s wheezing was louder and more frantic. Her eyes were wide with panic. Just as I thought she might pass out, Naomi stepped in front of her and slapped her across the face.

“There,” Naomi said, wiping her hands together. “Maybe that’ll chill her out.”

“Jeez, Naomi, have a little compassion,” I said.

But Alice’s breathing immediately began to slow down. She took a few controlled gulps, then nodded to indicate she was okay. She sank down on the nearest chair and flopped over to put her head between her legs.

Naomi and I exchanged a look. Alice was absurdly fragile. Everything set her off. Would she make it in this job? I had my doubts. Especially if she had to work with Naomi every day.

After a few minutes of stiff silence, Alice finally lifted her head, slowly drawing in air and exhaling. “Okay. Okay, I’m better. Sorry. I kind of flipped out there.”

“Kind of?” Naomi said, her tone indicating just how appalled she was. Maybe she was a little more like Layla than we’d all thought. But honestly, right now I couldn’t blame her. Poor Alice was a basket case.

“Look,” Naomi said. “I’ve just put myself in charge of the Saturday-night gala and auction. You can’t handle it. I don’t want the paramedics running in here in the middle of everything because you’re having a freaking heart attack over a broken fingernail, for God’s sake.”

Alice waved her hand weakly. “Fine. You handle it. I’ll watch this time, then maybe take on the next event.”

“Yeah, sure,” Naomi said with a sneer. “I’ll handle everything like I always do.”

I checked my watch. “Listen, I’ve got a class to teach,” I said. I didn’t want to get in the middle of another fight if these two took off on each other again.

“Yeah, whatever,” Naomi said, and walked out of the office muttering, “Freaks. I’m surrounded by freaks.”

Concerned, I looked back at Alice. She raised her head slowly and gazed up at me, a satisfied smile on her face.

Realization dawned slowly. “You did that on purpose, didn’t you?”

“Well, I wasn’t expecting her to smack me like that.” But then she shrugged contentedly. “It makes her happy if she thinks she’s in charge. I’ll watch to make sure she doesn’t get too drunk with power and start thinking she owns the place. But things should run a little smoother from here on out, don’t you think?”

During the dinner break, I decided I needed a little touch of down-home comfort, so I called my mother to see how Gabriel was doing. He’d been at her place since he’d left the hospital.

“He’s still having nightmares,” she said. “I’m worried.”

“Does he know what they’re about?”

“He won’t talk about it. He sleeps a lot. I’ve made a healing charm bracelet and he wears it all the time. And I’m trying out a few spells on him. I just can’t remember if I do the banishment spell during the full moon or the waxing moon.”

“Mom, you’re kind of new at this Wicca business. Don’t go changing him into a black cat or something.”

“Silly, Gabriel wouldn’t change into a black cat.”

“Good.”

“No, he would much more likely turn into a raven.”

Oh, boy.

“Anyway,” she continued, “your father has been keeping him company, discussing wine and world events and such. And Annie and I are playing nursemaids, so he seems pretty happy about that.”

“I would think so,” I said wryly, then told her I’d try to get up there the next weekend to visit him.

“He’ll be so happy to hear that, sweetie. He’s a darling man, isn’t he?”

“Yes, he is,” I said, laughing. “But, Mom, be sure to count the silverware before he leaves.”

What with Layla’s death and funeral, my students had lost out on several hours of class time, so during Thursday night’s class, I gave them the option of a makeup class on Friday night. It was a sad statement on my personal life that I was available on a Friday night, but at least I wouldn’t be alone. All my students were available, too.

After I once again demonstrated the process of centering the boards and spine stiffener on the cloth covers, and gluing the endbands in place, the students progressed to within several steps of completing the traditional journals they’d started earlier in the week.

As promised, Derek picked me up after class and we drove to my place. I had a bottle of champagne waiting in my refrigerator and I could picture us cozied up on my couch, sipping the bubbly and nibbling on warm brie and toast.

He parked his car in the visitors’ space in my garage. We took the elevator up to my floor and slid open the heavy metal gate. Hand in hand, we walked to my door. I was nearly vibrating with anticipation.

“Yoo-hoo, Brooklyn?” Vinnie called from her doorway around the corner from mine.

I moaned out loud.

Derek’s voice was low and husky. “Don’t answer. She’ll go away.”

The temptation was irresistible, but not very neighborly. “I’m so sorry,” I whispered. Wincing, I called out, “Hi, Vinnie. What’s up?”

Her light footsteps pattered down the wide hall.

“We have—oh, hello, Derek,” Vinnie said, smiling brightly. “How nice to see you again.” Derek had met my neighbors a month or so ago after that vicious killer tried to gun me down inside my home.

“Hello, Vinnie,” he said cordially. “How are you?”

“I’m quite well. Isn’t this a nice surprise?”

As she ran back to her apartment, I unlocked my door and pushed it open.

“Suzie,” Vinnie cried. “Brooklyn is at home and Derek—Remember Derek? He is with her. Come quickly and say hello. Bring the wine bottle.”

“Oh, dear God,” I whispered, then laughed as Derek pounded his head against the wall. I walked inside. He followed close behind me and grabbed me at the waist, turned me around and kissed me. I sank my fingers into his hair as my knees grew weak.

Derek’s breath came in ragged gasps as he broke away from the kiss just as Suzie’s steel-toed boots clomped against the hardwood floor outside my door.

Suzie walked in. “Hey, Brooklyn, hey, Derek.”

“Suzie,” he said cordially, and gave her a hug. “You look as lovely as ever.”

How he could sound so cool and debonair after a scorching kiss that had left me shaking was a mystery for the ages?

“Uh, yo, looking good,” Suzie said, flustered and blushing from Derek’s hug. Even a steel-toed lesbian was no match for his charms.

“Come on in,” I said, waving them into the living room. “Make yourselves at home while I put my tools away in the office.”

“You sure?” Suzie asked. “You guys rushing off somewhere or can we hang for a while?”

“Hang away,” Derek said generously, and I flashed him a grateful smile. They were, after all, my favorite neighbors and dear friends.

Still, that whole karma thing was getting on my nerves.

Vinnie walked in a minute later with a large bag of leftover Thai food. As I said, they were my favorite neighbors, and the free food was just one reason why.

I walked with her into the kitchen and she went to work emptying the bag, finding places in my refrigerator for all the little white boxes to fit.

“Anybody home?” a voice called from the door.

“That’s Robin,” I said, mystified.

“Lovely,” Vinnie said, folding the bag. “You’re having a party.”

“That’s what it looks like,” I said, flashing Derek a bewildered look before running to the door.

Robin was already inside, hanging her coat up in my front closet, so I grabbed her for a hug. “What are you doing here?”

“Nice to see you, too.” She held up a bottle of wine. “My date canceled so I thought maybe you could use a friend to listen to you rant some more. But I can hear you’ve already got a full house.”

“Yes,” I said, then whispered, “Derek is here.”

Her eyes went wide. “He’s here?”

“Yes.”

“Should I get everyone out?”

I laughed. “No, we’re fine. Fabulous, in fact. Please don’t say anything about the other night.”

“Why would I do that?”

“You wouldn’t do it on purpose. I’m just saying.”

“Hmm. Well, now I can’t get the idea of blackmail out of my mind.”

“Don’t even think about it,” I advised her as we walked back into the living area.

“You’re right,” she said with a sad shake of her head. “You’ve got way more dirt on me than I could ever scrape up on you.”

“Which is another sad commentary on my life,” I conceded. “Still, don’t you forget it.”

Everyone greeted each other and more wine was poured. I met Derek’s ironic gaze and laughed. He chuckled. What else could we do but accept the inevitable?

“How’s Gabriel doing?” Robin asked as she topped off her wineglass. “And how’s your little friend, Alice? Did she have fun in Dharma before all the fireworks started?”

I filled everyone in on Gabriel’s recuperation, Alice’s spa treatment, and the latest body count. Everyone wanted to hear details of the latter, especially.

“Do you think Gabriel’s attack is related to these other murders?” Robin asked.

“Absolutely not,” I insisted. “I mean, the only thing the BABA murders and the Dharma attack have in common is me. And I refuse to accept that any of this is connected to me. That would be off the scale.”

“Truly, Brooklyn?” Vinnie said. “You’re the only one who was in the vicinity of all three attacks?”

“Yes.”

“No,” Derek said. “Gunther was there, as well.”

“Gunther?” Shocked, I turned to him. “Do you really think your client had anything to do with Gabriel being shot?”

“No, of course not,” he said, relaxing back in the red chair. “I’m just pointing out that you’re not the only common denominator, as you keep insisting.”

“Okay, let’s leave Gabriel out of the equation,” I said. “So you have Minka being attacked. Then Layla is killed, and now the mysterious Mr. Soo ends up dead. They’re all connected to BABA. So we have a pot full of suspects to choose from.”

“Well, let’s figure out who did it,” Robin said eagerly as she pushed herself up off the couch. “I’m going to get a notepad and we’re going to make a chart.”

“I love party games,” Vinnie said.

I laughed, then glanced over and caught Derek shaking his head at me.

I shrugged. “Hey, it beats Trivial Pursuit.”

“Don’t deny it. You’re in heaven,” he said in a half-accusing tone.

“And I’m glad you’re here with me,” I said softly.

He reached over and squeezed my knee affectionately. “I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.”

“Suzie, aren’t they a cute couple?” Vinnie said, gazing fondly at both of us.

“They’re freaking adorable,” Suzie said drolly. She stood and grabbed the empty wine bottle off the coffee table. “Come on, Vin, let’s get some more wine.”

Derek tried not to laugh. I felt my cheeks burning. I’d always hated when couples made googly eyes at each other in front of their friends. Now I was doing it. I’d lost all sense of dignity and didn’t mind at all.

“Here we go,” Robin said, walking back in with a legal pad and pen. “We’re going to solve a murder.”

“Two murders,” Vinnie corrected, as she put a freshly opened bottle of wine on the coffee table. “Plus the attacks on your friend Gabriel and that evil cow, Minka.”

Robin snorted with laughter and Suzie grinned with pride. “Gotta love her.”

“Forgive me,” Vinnie said, scowling. “I should not speak ill of cows.”

After Robin had written down the long list of suspects and motives, Derek stood and took the list from her. He studied it for a moment and a speculative gleam appeared in his eye.

“All right, let’s do this,” he said decisively, patting the back of the red chair. “Brooklyn, darling, you sit over here so you can concentrate more fully.”

I was suddenly apprehensive, but I brushed it off and switched chairs. I tucked my legs under me and shifted until I was comfortable.

Derek touched my arm. “Now, I’m going to take you step by step through both Minka’s and Layla’s attacks. Will you be okay with that?”

“Sure,” I said, hoping for the best.

He glanced at my three friends. “You’ll all take notes and point out inconsistencies, won’t you?”

Vinnie nodded eagerly.

“Coolio,” Suzie said, and settled into her corner of the couch.

“We’ll start with the night of Layla’s murder,” Derek said. “You were in your classroom, correct?”

“Yes. The signatures had dried and we were hammering the spines to round them.”

“Fine,” he said, hunkering down in front of me and resting his hands on my knees. “Close your eyes, darling, and think back. Who was in the building that night?”

I thought of Naomi and Karalee, Marky and Ned. Minka was back from the hospital, although I didn’t see her until later. I assumed all her students were there with her.

“Now, you’re in your class,” Derek murmured. “Can you see it?”

After a moment of concentration, I could picture my classroom, the students, the smell of PVA glue.

“Now, where were you standing?” Derek asked.

I answered him, and we went back and forth. What tool was in my hand? Who else was in the room? Picture the students. Go around the room and name them. I did as he instructed.

“Now you hear the gunshot,” he said. “Who’s in the room with you now?”

“All of my students,” I said, then frowned. “No, wait. Cynthia Hardesty had left to make a phone call. And Alice had to run to the bathroom. And Gina . . . no, Whitney. No, wait. They’re both in the room. They scream and huddle under the table.”

“What else?”

“Kylie isn’t there. Did she go to the ladies’ room? And I can’t see Jennifer. But she’s probably there. She’s quiet.” I sighed. “That’s all I can remember.”

“So, to recap,” Derek said, glancing at his own notes. “Cynthia, Kylie, and Alice were out of the room when the gunshot went off.”

I closed my eyes and tried to picture the classroom at the precise moment. “Yes, I’m pretty sure.”

“You hear the shot and run down the hall,” Derek continued. “There you see the body. Who’s with you?”

“Mitchell,” I said instantly. “He wouldn’t stay in the room.”

“Who else?” Derek asked, pacing a few feet in each direction as he peppered me with questions. “Where is everybody now? Who do you see next?”

I went down the line, picturing Alice and Gina at the gallery end of the hall. I remembered Mitchell saying he’d assigned Ned to watch the other hallway. But I never saw Ned that night.

I related Tom Hardesty’s display of grief and Cynthia’s contempt for Layla. And I told them about Minka stomping over and Mitchell forcing her to stay away.

“All right, darling,” Derek said soothingly. “Now, where is Naomi?”

I opened my eyes and stared at him. “She wasn’t there. She showed up a few minutes later. Said she’d had to run an errand. She went berserk when she saw Layla. She tried to get closer and I had to hold her back, she was so out of control.” I hesitated, then added, “It seemed over the top, but I won’t judge her on that score.”

“What else do you remember?”

“I remember you walking in with Gunther. He was angry, arguing with Inspector Jaglom.”

“Yes, I remember that, too.”

I looked over at my three friends on the couch, all in a row, riveted to their seats.

“This is so cool,” Suzie said. “Keep going.”

“Okay,” I said, grinning. I looked up at Derek. “If we assume that the same person attacked Minka, then it can’t be Gunther. He wasn’t in town on Monday.”

Derek folded his arms across his chest as he pondered that for a moment. “But he was. He arrived Sunday night with three of my men. They drove him by the book arts center. He had managed to evade my men twice and I was livid. That’s why I flew in late Monday.”

“So Gunther was already in the city?”

“The plot thickens,” Robin murmured dramatically.

I looked at Derek as something dawned on me. “But Gunther couldn’t have killed Mr. Soo because he was in jail.”

“Yes, that just occurred to me, as well,” Derek said, and we smiled at each other. Were we smiling too much? Were my friends thinking, Get a room?

To distract myself, I picked up the legal pad, sat back in the chair, and perused the list again. “So it could still be anyone.”

“Not you,” Robin said.

“Nope, not me,” I said with relief, and made a third column of people who absolutely didn’t do it. I put my name on that list, then added Derek’s.

After a few fortifying sips of wine, Derek and I went through the same exercise for the night of Minka’s attack.

I thought back to the classroom Monday night, then named the people who left the class, one by one. I remembered trying to sneak out to talk to Layla, but being stopped by Kylie, who asked for an explanation of some technique. Threading? Stitching? Something.

“So Alice and Cynthia and Whitney are out of the room during the time Minka is attacked,” Derek reiterated.

“Yes,” I said.

“That means that Alice and Cynthia are now the common denominators for the two attacks at your workplace,” Vinnie said.

“Very good,” Derek said, winking at Vinnie, who preened with pleasure. I couldn’t blame her.

“And Naomi,” I added. “She was supposedly in her office with the door closed when Minka was attacked. She acted perfectly dumb when she finally opened the door.”

“She’s my guess,” Suzie said, and Vinnie patted her leg in encouragement.

“Where did Alice go off to?” Derek asked.

“The bathroom, probably,” Robin said, smiling.

“No doubt,” I said, thinking back. “She’s always in the bathroom. Or off texting Stuart.”

“Is she?” Derek said.

Robin laughed. “You couldn’t possibly think Alice had anything to do with this.”

“I’m not eliminating anyone yet,” Derek said thoughtfully.

“You’ve seen me pass out over blood, right?” I said. “Alice is ten times worse than that.”

“She is quite sensitive,” Vinnie allowed.

“She couldn’t even lift a gun, let alone shoot it,” Suzie said, amused. “The noise alone would probably cause her to faint.”

“But she was in Dharma when Gabriel was shot,” Derek persisted.

“Oh, come on,” Robin said. “The girl is a wimp.”

“Besides, she was at the spa when it happened,” I said.

“Was she?” Derek asked, one eyebrow raised in doubt.

“And don’t forget,” I said.“The killer would have to know how to break into a hotel room and hide those books.”

“Can’t you just see her breaking into a hotel room?” Robin said with a laugh.

“She is pretty thin-skinned,” Suzie noted. “She was in tears half the night we met her.”

I looked at Derek. “It’s kind of silly to have her on the list. I mean, where would anyone as young and innocent and sensitive as Alice learn about breaking and entering?”

“Oh, she’s not so young,” Vinnie said, sitting forward. “Her earlobes are those of a much older woman.”

“What?” Robin laughed. “Come on.”

“It is true,” Vinnie insisted. “My mother, Padma, is a cosmetic facialist with the soul of an artist. She has studied facial structure, bones and skin, and passed the knowledge on to me.”

“She wanted Vinnie to open a spa with her in Mumbai,” Suzie revealed.

“Really?” Robin asked. “Do you know how to do all that spa stuff?”

“Yes.” Vinnie shivered delicately. “And I cannot tolerate it. Can you imagine cleaning toe jam and waxing hairy upper lips all day?”

Suzie snorted with laughter.

“But what were you saying about earlobes?” Derek persisted, bringing us back to the key topic.

“Ah, yes.” Vinnie sobered. “If earlobes could talk, they would tell you that your young Alice is no spring chicken. I calculate her to be at least forty years old.”