Текст книги "Give Me Yesterday"

Автор книги: K. Webster

Соавторы: Elle Christensen
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Текущая страница: 14 (всего у книги 15 страниц)

I sit in the middle of my living room floor in nothing but a pair of old sweats and stare at the wall.

Yellow.

Yellow.

Yellow.

But still the wrong fucking shade. Tomorrow I’ll go back to the hardware store and try number twenty on the list. Sunnyside Lane seems like it might be the same color as her dress was—and tomorrow, I will know for sure when it’s painted on my wall.

With a sigh, I lie back on the hardwood floor and it chills my bare back. My eyes close and I think of Tori. Beautiful, brilliant, feisty Tori. A week has gone by and I’m still a wreck. I’ll never recover from losing her.

Ever.

She was a light in my dark world. A reason to smile. A reason to feel hopeful again.

Now, that light has been snuffed out and I remain in the cold, black emptiness all alone. All fucking alone. My heart aches every second of every day without her.

A click of the door opening sends a surge of hope running through my veins that maybe it could be my Tori. But I know better. She’s gone—forever. Besides, Penelope had already promised she’d stop by this evening and bring leftovers, so I know it’s her instead.

“Hey Penny,” I call out, not bothering to open my eyes.

She drops her purse on the floor with a clatter and her flip flops make a smacking noise on the floor as she approaches me.

“Before you ask, yes I ate lunch. Just put the leftovers in the fridge. I’ll eat them later,” I lie. I didn’t eat breakfast or lunch and I don’t plan on eating dinner either. I’m not fucking hungry.

She sniffles and my entire body grows cold. I’m almost afraid to open my eyes in case it’s a cruel dream. The sound doesn’t belong to that of my loud-ass sister.

“I haven’t been hungry either.”

This time I do open my eyes to see an angel standing over me.

My angel.

Wet, wild blonde hair a big fucking frizzy mess all over her head. Bloodshot blue eyes stare down at me. Perfect lips quivering, just barely holding back her emotions.

“Thank God, baby,” I murmur.

“Chase!”

She launches herself on top of me, straddling my hips. My fingers slide into her messy hair and I draw her to me. Tears fall from her face and splash onto mine. I want to kiss them all away.

“Please forgive me, Tori,” I murmur and press the softest of kisses on her lips. “I love you so damn much. You have to believe me.”

A sob escapes her and I hug her to me. I kiss her face all over in a desperate attempt to take away the pain.

“Every single day I mourned with you, Tori. Every single goddamned day,” I choke out and hold her away so I can look into her eyes. “I begged God to change the past—to take me instead of them.”

I run my thumbs over her cheeks, wiping away her tears. “And baby, I didn’t just mourn with you. I also mourned for you. I’d caused the ultimate pain in you and I wanted to help you—to heal you. Every day I searched for you despite my mother’s request not to. I thought if I could just find you, I could let you take out your anger and hatred out on me. You could punish me for what I did. And then I’d hoped it would give you some sliver of relief from the pain.”

I kiss her sweet lips again.

“When I didn’t find you, I focused on getting my degree in psychology and then on to getting my doctorate because I wanted to help people. I’d already caused so much heartache and pain, it was the least I could do to give back.”

This time, her lips drop to mine for a soft kiss. My eyes search hers for some indication of her feelings. She remains quiet but hasn’t shut me out yet.

“When you walked into group that day, I had no idea you were that woman whose life I’d unintentionally ruined. But the connection I had with you was palpable and real. I knew the second I saw you that my life would be nothing without you in it.”

Her lips form the tiniest of smiles and it urges me on.

“Our love is real, Tori. And life dealt us a very shitty hand,” I mutter. “But I don’t care about all that. All I care about is you. I want to spend the rest of my days loving you and you loving me back. Together, I want us to heal each other.”

She runs her fingers through my hair and her thumb slides over my scar on my hairline. “You went there every week.”

I nod and run my fingers down her back.

“You paint your wall all the damn time in an attempt to match her dress—the last glimpse you had of her life.”

“I think about her every single day,” I tell her.

She sits up and drags a finger over my tattoo. “You never forgot her.”

My brows furrow. “How could I ever forget her?”

Her lip quivers and her palm rests on the inscription on my chest. “Your pain is my pain.”

Tugging her to me, I kiss her hard this time before breaking away. “Your pain is my pain,” I agree.

“Chase, this should be a hard decision for me. I should hate you with every part of my being...” she trails off.

I nod and smile at her. “I’m hoping there’s a but in there.”

She grins at me through her tears. “But, I don’t hate you. In fact, I love you so much it hurts me—physically hurts me—to be away from you. You’re a salve to my battered soul. I need you, Chase Monroe. And yes, of course I can forgive you for something you never had any control over. I’m sorry it took me so long to see that.”

Pulling her to me, I kiss her and then roll her onto her back so that I’m on top of her now. “I like this position better because now you can’t ever leave me again.”

She whimpers when I grind myself against her. “I’m not going anywhere, honey.”

My lips find hers and we kiss at an unrushed pace, relishing in what we’ve missed for what seems like an eternity although it’s only been a week. Climbing off of her, my eyes never leave hers as I pull her to her feet.

I scoop her into my arms, her squeal of delight filling my heart with joy, and stalk down the hallway toward my bedroom.

“What are you doing?” she says with a giggle.

I look into her gorgeous blue eyes and flash her a shy smile. “I’m carrying you. Just like I promised.”

Her eyes water until I toss her on the bed. And then it’s game on. A frenzy of clothes being ripped off and moans are the prologue to our epic make-up sex. Our mouths connect and our tongues join, linking us as one.

One soul.

One heart.

Two halves that only become whole when together.

But it’s when I push myself fully into her that we truly become complete. Emotions, thoughts, and dreams twist together into a beautiful being that is our love. As I pump into her fast and hard, desperate to mark her—to prove to her my devotion, she claws at me with an equal need to be closer.

When she finally unravels, spurring on my own orgasm, I then collapse on top of her. We don’t move or interrupt our perfect bliss despite the evidence of our love trickling out of her body. Instead, we kiss like there’s no tomorrow.

Our hearts are fused together forever.

I’m going to spend the rest of my years with this woman.

I’ll protect her with my life and nurture her heart.

I will give her babies or puppies or a fucking alpaca farm if she wants.

Whatever she wants, I will give it to her.

Including all of my heart and soul.

And most definitely my last name.

“Shit it’s cold,” she whines as we push back into the house, paint supplies in hand.

It’s nearly Christmas and a fucking cold-ass Sunday afternoon, seven months after our reconciliation. I’ve never been happier than with this woman in my arms when I go to sleep each night and wake up each morning.

“I offered to warm you up in the car,” I laugh.

She sets the can of paint on the living room floor. “You told me I could give you a blow job in the parking lot of the hardware store!”

I bellow with laughter and help her out of her coat. “I always look out for you. You know that.”

She scoffs. “Like you looked out for me when you hightailed it away from me on the count of two, not three, leaving me in the florist shop so you could win the race to the car? You’d better believe I told Ben and Sarah all about it afterward. You big cheater.”

It was so cute watching her sit between their graves griping about me as if they could hear. The truth is, I hoped somewhere out there, they could hear. I know Ben would be happy for her finding love again.

I smile and shrug. “For the record, I waited until the count of three. And, I offered to let you drive but your little legs just couldn’t outrun the beast. So I won, plain and simple.”

“The beast, huh? More like the pansy that can’t handle thirty-three degree weather!” she taunts.

Chuckling, I shrug out of my coat and stare at the wall.

It’s perfect.

Tori made sure of that. Once she knew the color I was trying to achieve, she asked her mother for a picture she’d taken of Sarah that fateful day. Before, it had been too hard for Tori to face—seeing pictures of them the day they died. But now, a huge blown up picture of Sarah blowing on a dandelion wearing that pretty dress is the centerpiece of our coordinating yellow wall.

We even had a special vinyl phrase ordered that now stretches across the wall above her picture.

She dances with angels.

“You ready to paint?” I question, dragging my gaze from our wall.

She shrugs her shoulders. “I guess. What is this? Number thirteen? Jesus, you have a problem, Chase.”

“Eight, not thirteen. It isn’t the right shade and you know it.”

I grab the bucket of paint and saunter into our room where the furniture on the far side of the wall has been moved away. Once in the room, I set the paint down and stare at it.

“I look at them every single day, honey,” she grumbles. “It’s the right color. You’re just obsessed with painting. Maybe you should leave teaching college and become a painter.”

Shaking my head, I stalk over to her and grab both of her cheeks in my hands so I can stare into her eyes. The color of the Caribbean seawater just before the ocean floor dips into the dark depths. That is the color of her eyes—the ever elusive paint color which we can’t seem to find.

Today, though, maybe we’ll get lucky. We’re trying a color called Aquarius. But while it seems close, nothing will ever compare to the unmatched beauty of her eyes, I’m afraid.

“Nah, I prefer my schedule. What other job would allow me to stalk you at work on Tuesdays and Thursdays?” I laugh.

She rolls her eyes. “Chase, you seriously have to stop camping out in my office those days. Stacey thinks it’s party time and I swear to God, she takes pride in packing us all matching lunches those days. You distract my assistant and you two idiots make fun of me the whole time. It is so damn annoying.”

Tickling her sides, I grin. “You like it. Glenda even told me so yesterday.”

She gasps. “That hussy! I thought she was my friend!”

“I, darling, have subjected myself to those God-awful cookies of hers while you have managed to get out of eating them every time because of some made up diet you’re supposedly on. Start eating the Snickerdoodle Shits and maybe she’ll start keeping your secrets.”

With her hands on her hips attempting to glare, unsuccessfully I might add, I decide she’d be much cuter naked. Ignoring her faux anger, I set to undressing her by peeling off her sweater. The moment I manage to get her bra off, she’s no longer mad and the rest of our clothes come off in a matter of seconds.

She’s just crawled onto the bed and gotten on her back when I climb after her and latch my mouth to her neck. Her moan is my undoing and my cock presses painfully against her belly as I worship her with my tongue.

“Chase, now,” she begs, wiggling her hips at me.

I don’t make her wait long and push my cock into her tight, hot body.

“I love you.” Her voice is soft and breathless.

My mouth connects with hers as I thrust into her slow and steady, enjoying the sensation of being joined with her. When she moans in pleasure, I stare into her pretty blue eyes.

“I love you. Forever, baby. For fucking ever.”

Ten years is a long time to mourn, and breaking that cycle isn’t easy. Learning to open yourself back up, to allow yourself to dream, to become someone you thought you’d lost forever. But here I am, a mixture of the young woman I was, and the woman I’ve become. The one I want to be.

From my side of the bed, I watch Chase walk out of the bathroom, his pajama pants hanging low on his hips, his sculpted chest on display with the beautiful tattoo. His glasses are perched on his face, and his messy hair is flopping adorably over his forehead. When he sees me staring, he gives me that smile, the one that lights up his entire being. The one that is just for me. It never fails to set my heart racing, my skin tingling, and make my panties oh-so-wet. I’ll never get enough of him.

I have a surprise for him tonight and I’m full of nervous energy. We’ve been married for a year and my patient husband has never once pushed me to discuss having children. I know he wants them desperately, but the night before our wedding, he cuddled me close and told me that he wanted me more than anything and it was my decision. If I hadn’t already been completely in love with him, at that moment I wouldn’t have fallen, I would have jumped off of that cliff.

I never stop thinking about Sarah, and about the plans I’d had to give her several more brothers and sisters. After she was gone, I never considered it again. But then, I never considered love again, and look what I would have missed out on if Chase hadn’t been strong enough to break down my walls. So, this time it’s my turn to give something to him in return, something I’ve realized I want too. A part of me is scared out of my mind, and I’ll always have a small ache for my Sarah. But I know I’ve got enough love to override the fear. And I’m ready.

Chase winks at me as he slides onto the bed next to me, then sneaks his arm around my waist and hauls me into his side. He grins down at me, a twinkle in those chocolate eyes I love so much. “You seem restless tonight, Tori. I’ve got the perfect suggestion for how to put it to good use.” His other hand glides the spaghetti strap to my pink tank top down my shoulder. Replacing it with his lips.

I turn to face him fully and grasp his chin so we are face to face. Chase’s eyes darken with concern, his forehead puckering with worry. “Is everything okay, babe?”

I smile and smooth out the worry lines with my thumb. “Hopefully, you’ll think that everything is perfect.” I kiss him gently, because I don’t know how to launch into the discussion. This always seems easier in the hypothetical, but if you believe that it will actually be that simple, you’re a fucking idiot. The thing is, I’m a fucking idiot. So, now I sit here, at a loss for words. “Um, I wanted to tell you—I think I’m,” I stutter. Okay, enough of this bullshit, spit it out. “I want to get pregnant,” I blurt out.

Chase’s eyes widen and he stares at me silently. I’m not worried. I know he wants this, so I wait while he processes. It doesn’t take long, the next thing I know, I’m on my back, covered with the body of my unbelievably sexy husband. Since he’s kissing me like there is no fucking tomorrow, I’d say it’s a safe assumption that he’s on board with the suggestion.

He still doesn’t say anything, probably because his mind is too focused on getting me naked. Before I’m completely lost to what will clearly be an epic fucking, I ask, “I take it you’re good with this decision?”

Chase growls, licking the nipples he exposed when he practically ripped off my pajama top. I arch beneath him, but try to stay lucid for another minute. “Chase?”

“Baby, I’m so fucking happy. I can’t find the words, so let me show you.” He kisses me, a deep, wet, all consuming kiss, “Also…” He smirks. “We need to practice. Lots and lots of practice.”

I tilt my head to the side, giving him better access to my neck, and moan when he lightly bites on the corded muscle there, while grinding his rock hard cock into my pussy. “Honey,” I pant, “we don’t need to practice. I stopped taking the pill a month ago.”

He pulls back and looks at me softly. “Baby, I love you so fucking much. Even if we never had kids. But this is the greatest present you will ever give me besides your love.”

Tears prick my eyes and I blink rapidly to clear them away. “I love you too.”

Chase is clearly on a fucking mission (pun intended). We are both naked in record time, our skin burning where it touches, threatening to burst into flames. His fingers run up my slit and he groans, his face buried in the valley between my breasts. “Always so wet for me. I can’t wait, baby.”

I grab his ass hard, letting him know I want it too and he thrusts inside, deep and hard. I cry out and lock my legs around his waist. He sets a punishing pace, but it’s beautiful, our bodies being lifted together, building toward the perfection we find in each other’s arms. I’m almost to the edge of the precipice when he whispers in my ear, “I love you, for fucking ever.” And together, we leap into the stars.

The wind blows gently through the trees all around, rustling the branches, and several multicolored leaves drift to the ground. I snuggle the little bundle I’m holding closer to my chest as I walk to the headstones I have visited so many times before.

Chase takes my hand and I beam up at him. When we reach their graves, we stop and with Chase’s help, I lower down into my usual spot, then he sits down beside me. “Sarah, meet Benjamin, your baby brother.” I imagine the fascination on her face as she looks down at the little baby in my arms. I can see the way she would be enamored with him, loving him the way big sisters do. “Little brothers need their big sisters to protect them until they can take care of themselves. Even then, he’ll always need you. So, I want you to look after him, watch over him, and be his guardian angel.”

Chase puts his arm around us and hugs us close. For the first time, in all the years I’ve visited, all of the talks I’ve had, and questions I’ve asked, I feel an answer. I know Sarah will be there for Benjamin. I can feel her delight in being a big sister.

We sit there for a little while longer, then after murmured goodbyes, we walk to the car. When our son is buckled in, Chase holds my door before trotting around the front and getting into the driver’s seat. He takes my hand and places a sweet kiss on the back. Then we head home.

Once Benjamin is down for the night, Chase and I snuggle close in bed. He uses a finger to lift my chin and smiles at me. “Thank you.”

I return his smile, asking, “For what?”

“For everything.”

My heart squeezes, the love almost uncontainable. A sweet ache.

Pain. This is real.

M y heart pounds furiously in my chest the moment my mother-in-law screams my wife’s name. But I can’t focus on that now. I have to get to her—my baby girl.

“Victoria!”

Sarah’s head jerks up, searching for her mother, and she bolts from my grasp. She’s small but a quick little thing and I know I need to yank her up before she gets too far into the street.

Everything around me blurs. The honking cars. Squealing tires. My screeching wife.

I ignore it all and focus on my Sarah Bear. I’m close enough and I snatch her up, into my arms where she’s safe. Her sweet scent envelops me and I hug her close to my chest.

“You scared Daddy,” I murmur against her hair as I make a beeline for the edge of the street, away from the cars coming toward us.

“Dadda,” she babbles and squirms in my arms.

I have to get us out of the street but just as I cross the center line, a car’s horn blares from nearby, startling me. The traffic is heavy so I can’t retreat but standing in the middle of the fucking road isn’t a safe bet either.

I’m going to have to pick a direction and haul ass.

There’s an SUV headed our way but if I can hurry and bolt through its lane and into the other, I can make it. Charging forward, with a now crying Sarah in my arms, I grunt when a swish of air gushes behind me. I’ve barely made it past the SUV that narrowly swerved out of my way.

But the truck behind him doesn’t see me until it’s too late.

Time stops and I see the shocked face of the driver through the glass, the jerk of the steering wheel, the screech of the tires.

I turn my back to the truck in an effort to protect my baby and kiss her head.

“I love you, Sarah Bear.”

And then utter blackness.

Pain.

Loss.

Confusion

But my worries are soon washed away when I’m blinded by white light and warmth.

Clarity.

Beauty.

Sarah’s giggles.

Memories of Victoria flashing by—our first kiss, making love, our wedding day, her holding our baby, her bluest of blue eyes.

And love. So much love.

“You’ll see her again one day.” The strong, thundering voice comforts me down to the fabric of my soul.

And my daughter, still in my arms, comforts me too. “Dadda.”

I smile and follow the warmth that calls for us.

We’ll be safe here, I can feel it.

We’ll be loved.

We’ll be cherished and protected.

A part of me wants to turn away and go back to Victoria. But I’m filled with the overwhelming sensation that she’ll be okay without us.

She’ll find love again.

She, too, will be cherished and protected.

And we will see her one day.

Love is forever.

THE END