Текст книги "Give Me Yesterday"

Автор книги: K. Webster

Соавторы: Elle Christensen
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Текущая страница: 11 (всего у книги 15 страниц)

The front of the massive stone building peaks at the top, with multiple columns, sporting bright colored banners. We walk up the steps and each one seems to build another layer of anxiety. I’m surprised when I feel the same stiffness in Chase.

Through the massive glass doors is a tall, marble lobby with an escalator right in front of us. This is it. Deep breaths. Our hands clasped tightly, our fingers entwined, giving strength and support to each other. The escalator rises smoothly and I can already hear the sounds of children echoing in the large, open spaces. We take the second escalator from the lower level to the main level. I let Chase guide me, and he strolls immediately to the right into a section about crime labs. It seems a safe decision; something we can get immersed in, easing us into the day.

From there, we retrace our steps and go to the big display in the center of the room, the world’s largest pinball machine. We watch with fascination as the silver ball travels through the various tunnels, and Chase makes me laugh with his silly commentary. A few teenagers stand close enough to hear Chase and they end up joining in the fun until we are all laughing with tears leaking from our eyes. We hit the coal mine that goes down, deep below the museum, the transportation section so that Chase can drool over the cars. Every exhibit we explore leaves a little of the darkness behind. We walk through a World War II submarine, see a brilliant show at the planetarium, and more. From time to time, I see a child glowing with joy, and I feel the infectiousness of their smiles.

The day flies by in a flurry, until I feel so free, I don’t even think about helping up the little boy who trips in front of me. I kneel down and wipe away his tears, kissing his forehead and helping him find his mom. When we pass him off to her, I feel Chase take my hand again, then he tucks me back into his side. When I look up, he’s smiling down at me, his eyes shining with adoration and—and… Deep breaths.

It’s early evening and we’ve visited almost every exhibit, so I suggest that we pick up some Chinese and snuggle up in front of a movie. I’m still absorbed in my surroundings when I am stopped abruptly by my hand being held tight from behind me, preventing me from continuing forward. I close my eyes and take a deep breath before turning around. I know what he’s going to say, what he wants me to do. I was so hoping he would forget.

I turn around, a fake smile plastered on my face. “What’s up? You don’t want Chinese?”

“We missed one.” Chase’s voice is soft, but I hear the undercurrent of steel.

“Really?” I respond, nonchalantly.

“Come on.” He tugs gently. “Let’s go see the fairy castle.”

“I’m not really into fairies, Chase.” I force a chuckle. “I don’t need to see it.”

Chase doesn’t respond, he just turns and walks in the opposite direction, his grip on my hand forcing me to follow. We approach the dark room and enter, where I see the most beautiful doll house in the world. The dim lighting enhances the spotlight on the display so the castle is the clear focal point. It’s surrounded by a walkway with intermittent phones to pick up and listen to explanations about each room. It’s incredible. But, that’s not what makes it hard to breathe. The walkway is filled with mothers and daughters, each enchanted by the beauty in front of them, sharing the magic together, and seeing every little girl’s dream. To be a fairy princess.

I stand in the opening, frozen, until I’m bumped from behind by a young woman moving around me to enter, with a lovely, dark-haired little girl in her arms. I begin to back away, but Chase won’t let me run away. He glances into the room and I see anguish twist his features, but when he looks back at me, he’s schooled his face and the only emotions I see are empathy, and determination. “You can do this, Tori. Take her with you. Show her the castle together.”

Deep Breaths. I step over the threshold onto the plush navy blue carpet, the castle sparkling in the overhead lighting. A feeling of happiness washes over me, a sense of contentment, and of excitement. I imagine Sarah, see her in a little pink outfit, with a tiara on her reddish curls, looking at the castle with awe. I lift the first phone and listen, imagining how it would feel to be sharing that little phone with her, listening to her giggle. And once again, I feel joy wash over me.

We move through the room, stopping at each phone, and every step toward the end becomes easier. My feet become lighter, rather than trudging along. When we reach the exit, I sigh and feel the last of my unease and fear trickle out. I look back and feel as though I just spent the last hour with my baby girl, content in sharing something so special with her.

In my peripheral, I see Chase leaning heavily on the wall behind him, looking at the women and girls behind him with pain in his eyes. He must notice my gaze, because his eyes meet mine and he lets me see the unguarded pain. I walk to him and envelope him in my arms. It’s time to carry him.

“Chase, open up to me, please?” I beg.

He shuts his eyes tight and I fear that he’ll retreat behind his secrets again.

“She’ll never have this. A mother-daughter experience like this. I took that away.”

I don’t have time to revel in the fact that he’s finally letting me see inside, but latch onto his last statement.

“Oh, Chase. I don’t know exactly what happened, but I know it wasn’t your fault. There is so much good in you, so much love. I believe with every fiber of my being that whatever it was, you did everything you could to avoid what happened, and it couldn’t have been your fault. You are always telling me to let go of the guilt. Honey, you’ve got to take some of your own medicine.”

I hug him close, his forehead falls forward to rest on my shoulder, and I smooth my palm down his hair. I feel a tiny shudder wrack through him, and turn my head so my lips graze his ear.

His arms encircle my waist, locking in place as he lifts his head, his mouth at my ear. “Damn, I love you. You’re everything to me, Tori.” Then he buries his face in my neck.

Every single bit of fear I’ve felt for the last ten years comes crashing down on me and the voice telling me to take deep breaths is suffocated along with the rest of me.

It’s been two days since I admitted that I loved her. And for two days now, she’s been incredibly “busy” and wrapped up in an “important” case. Despite my pushiness to spend the night Sunday and Monday night, she managed to blow me off each time.

I haven’t seen her and have barely spoken to her in two days, which is making me lose my goddamned mind.

Now, I sit here in the parking lot of the florist and am visibly shaking with stress that I may have pushed her away from me for good. The thought causes my stomach to ache and I wonder if I’ll fucking puke right here in my car.

With a frustrated growl, I jerk myself out of the car and stalk into the shop. I’ve missed the last two Tuesdays, spending them with Tori. When the clerk at the desk sees me, he takes a step back from the counter.

“Can I help you sir?”

I yank my wallet out and nod. “Daffodils.”

His eyes widen and for a moment fear flashes over his features. “Sir, we’re all out. There was a problem with our supplier but everything should be a go for next week.”

I gape at him, shock from his words momentarily stunning me.

No daffodils.

No flowers.

I’ve let her down.

Everything is a blur as I exit the shop and get back into my car. Not bothering to turn it on, I grip the steering wheel and thump my head against it. Softly at first—enough to be annoying. But then I find myself slamming my forehead against it as quickly and as hard as I can. With each blow, darkness explodes over my vision and I sway with dizziness.

Those flowers are all I can give to her.

And they don’t fucking have them.

Slam after slam, I punish myself.

Memories of the hospital, after the accident, crash over me.

“Code Gray!” the nurse shrieks as she smashes the button on my bed.

I’m twice her size and I can see the fear in her eyes.

Of me.

Just like Ashley.

Well, they should be afraid of me.

I’m a fucking monster.

With a roar, I continue slinging shit into the floor and crashing into anything and everything in my way. When my bare feet slip on the crushed vase on the floor that was full of flowers from my sister, I drop to my knees and jerk up a chunk of the glass.

“Chase,” the nurse says in a calm tone. “Put the glass down. Let me give you something to calm you.”

I shoot her a venomous glare. “Calm me? I’ll be calm when I’m dead too!”

I squeeze the glass in my fist with all my strength, desperate to feel the biting pain, but it isn’t sharp enough to exact any damage. Seconds later, a security guard, my doctor, and three nurses blast in. I scream and thrash but they manage to restrain me. Soon, the frightened nurse presses a needle into my vein and a calmness washes over me.

“Everything will be okay, Chase,” she coos and strokes the hair away from my forehead and then sets to checking on the bandage along my hairline. “But open up this wound again and I’ll be forced to take you over my knee.”

Her playful attempts to lift my spirits have my heart warming. Visions of the tiny nurse spanking me as if I’m some child bring a real smile to my lips before I’m stolen away by my nightmares.

I blink my eyes open when I hear voices on the other side of my window. The world tilts and I squint to see the concerned clerk on the other side. His eyes widen and he shouts through the window.

“Sir, can I call 911 for you?”

I drag my gaze to see blood staining my jeans and down the front of my shirt. Glancing quickly into the mirror, I see that I’ve not only cracked both lenses in my glasses but I also busted my nose during my meltdown.

Shit.

“No, I, uh… let me call my girlfriend.”

My brain is fuzzy and I’m confused. Hauling my phone from my pocket, I dial her number.

“Ms. Larkin’s phone,” Stacey answers. Her voice is firm, and if I didn’t know any better, I’d say she was prepared for my phone call. To deflect my getting through to Tori. Traitor.

“Let me speak to her,” I demand.

“Chase, I’m sorry but she’s with a cl—”

I cut her off. “I need her help. I’m hurt and not right in the fucking head, Stacey.”

She goes silent but I can hear her muffled words, she and Tori arguing. Eventually Tori speaks.

“Chase, I’m really busy and—”

“Why are you pushing me away?”

My head throbs and I jerk off my broken glasses, tossing them onto the floorboard. Blood continues to pour from my nose and I lean against the headrest.

“Chase? What’s wrong? You sound different?”

I am different.

I’m fucking broken.

“Um, I don’t know. I can’t see and my glasses are broken. Please come get me and take me home. I’ll leave you alone after that. I just need to see you one last time.”

She starts barking orders to Stacey and I hear a jingle of keys. “Chase, where are you? I don’t like all this talk of not seeing me again. I’m coming to get you.”

I can’t remember the address so I roll down the window and hand my bloody phone to the clerk. He seems horrified but snatches the phone. In hushed tones, he rattles out words that don’t make sense to me. Rolling my eyes back, I doze off and dream of Tori.

“Chase, honey, wake up.” A sweet voice calls out to me, dragging me from my dark, warm, quiet place in my head.

I blink my eyelids open to see Tori—ever an angel—tearfully regarding me.

“Hey, baby.” My words seem casual and relief floods her features.

She dabs a warm cloth under my nose and cleans me. “You scared the living shit out of me,” she mutters and pins me with a firm glare.

“Aren’t you busy with a case?” I question, still unable to shake the haze that cloaks me.

A tear rolls down her cheek and she shakes her head. I don’t miss the guilt that morphs her features into a sad one. “You’re more important.”

Warmth surges through me at her words. “I missed you.”

She chokes out a sob. “I missed you too.”

“Need help getting him to the other side?” Stacey questions from outside the car.

Together, with the help of the clerk, they all help me out of the car and to the other side. I’m not helpless but disorient prevents me from arguing. Once I’m settled and buckled in on the other side, Tori climbs in and starts the car.

“Hey,” I grumble as she puts my car into gear. “You can’t drive her.”

She laughs through her tears. “Well, glad to see you’re feeling more like yourself. And too damn bad. If you’re going to hurt yourself and call me away from work, then I’m going to fuss over you and drive your ass around like Miss Daisy. So shush your mouth and let me take care of you.”

Eventually, we’re stumbling into my bedroom in which Tori sets to undressing me.

“Are you hurt?” I question, dragging my fingertips over her white blouse that’s stained with blood.

She frowns. “No, baby. Let’s get you cleaned up.”

After a long, hot, clumsy shower, I crawl into bed naked and watch with a fucking pout as Tori dresses in a pair of yoga pants and T-shirt.

“Don’t look at me like I killed your dog, Chase. I’m just running to pick up a few items at the store. I’ll be back in twenty minutes with food and you had better be ready to talk.”

Seeing her dress in my room seizes my heart and it aches at the prospect of her doing it every day for the rest of her life. I don’t want her anywhere but here. With me. Forever.

“I wonder what I’ll do in the meantime,” I joke and make a show of touching my bare cock under the blanket.

Her cheeks turn pink and she grins at me. “How about you stay awake and keep yourself busy with that until I get back? I promise I’ll finish you up after.”

“Wake up, Chase.”

I groan and yank a pillow over my face but then wince in pain. “Why?”

“Because you’ve been sleeping off and on for hours. If you don’t get your ass up, I’m going to take you to the hospital.”

Reluctantly, I toss the pillow onto the floor and smile at seeing her stand over me. She’s concerned and it’s written all over her face. It warms me that she still cares.

“Come here,” I say as I grab her hands and pull her on top of me.

She rests her elbows on either side of my head and stares at me with a frown on her lips. “What happened today?”

I drag my gaze from her blazing blue one and fixate on the window, which now reveals the moon in the sky. Shit, I really did sleep all damn day.

“I lost it.”

“No shit, Sherlock.” She presses a kiss to my cheek.

Turning my attention back to her, I sigh. “They were out of her flowers.”

She widens her eyes. “So why didn’t you pick some other ones?”

I scowl. “Because I wanted those.”

“I’m sure Ashley would just be happy that you—”

The name on her lips chills my veins. “I don’t give a fuck about Ashley,” I snap.

Tori gapes at me and guilt instantly pushes away my anger.

“Baby,” I groan, “I’m sorry. Today is just an unbelievably bad day.”

She drops a kiss on my lips. “Tell me what happened in the car. Why your glasses are broken? Why your nose almost was.”

I huff out my response, “A long time ago, after everything, I sort of lost sight of who I was. I wanted to punish myself. And today, when they didn’t have her flowers, those feelings resurfaced. I was angry. Memories of the hospital came flooding back.”

She sniffles and her bottom lip quivers. “So you hurt yourself. Again? Like back then?”

I nod. “Yeah. It was too much. Them not having her flowers. You pushing me out after I told you I loved you.”

She hovers her lips over mine. “Chase, I love you too.”

Her words soothe my soul and the heartache dissolves with one tiny phrase.

“I don’t understand. You seemed upset—angry even. You wouldn’t talk to me.”

“Because.” She laughs bitterly. “I was scared. I wasn’t supposed to love anyone ever again. And yet here you are, demanding that I love you. Chase, I do love you. Wholeheartedly. That’s what scares the ever living shit out of me. I didn’t think I was capable of loving again.”

“Why are you afraid of us, Tori? We get each other. We’re perfect for one another.”

Another tear rolls out. “Chase, honey, the truth is, I don’t get you. You know my story but you guard yours. Why can’t you share that with me?”

She gestures to my pec. “She dances with angels? What does that mean?”

Sick dread washes over me. I want to share everything with her but what if she hates me too? Like Ashley?

“I was engaged to Ashley a long time ago. She was everything to me. Or so I thought,” I bite out. “But when I was in the hospital, she came to see me. I thought I could lean on her. Instead, she called me a monster. She told me that she couldn’t even look at me anymore. I begged for her to understand I was hurting too—that I was a victim too. But she told me I was nothing but a menace to society. That day, she threw her goddamned ring at me and left me to my own devices. My mother, my father, my sister—nobody could understand the all-consuming, crushing devastation I felt. Ashley was the icing on the proverbial cake. Once she left, a part of me left with her.”

Tears stream down Tori’s cheeks and she kisses me softly. “I’m so sorry, Chase. I will never leave you. Do you understand me? I am so sorry I bailed on you mentally after the museum. It was just all too much. But, I was fucking miserable without you. I couldn’t focus on anything. If it’s any consolation, I was going to come over tonight and tell you all of this. But you just had to go and make a spectacle because you couldn’t wait any longer.” The last part she says in a teasing voice.

I tug at the bottom of her T-shirt and peel it from her body. She unsnaps her bra and I slide it down her arms. Her tits are fucking amazing and I admire them before speaking.

“Move in with me. I know it’s soon and I know we both struggle with our pasts, but baby, I need you. All of the time. My bed is more comfortable anyway,” I say with a laugh.

She shimmies out of her pants and panties before sliding under the covers with me. I groan when she straddles me and pushes her body down my hard cock.

“I will, Chase. I’m ready to admit that I want to move forward with you. Things haven’t always been easy for us, but it’s a good thing I love challenges. Because you,” she moans as she tosses her head back and rides me, “are the biggest damn challenge I’ve ever come across.”

I clutch her hips and urge her faster. Her tight body always grips me in the sexiest fucking way. The thought of having her in my bed every night—to fuck her whenever I please—nearly has me coming inside of her now.

“Jesus, Tori,” I say with a groan, my thumb sliding over to her clit. “Don’t ever fucking leave me again. I won’t be able to handle a life without you. You’re mine, baby.”

“Yours,” she agrees before splintering apart on my dick, her juices lubricating my cock even more so.

Seconds later, I explode within her and then yank her soft body to me. She snuggles against me and even though everything feels right, I can’t help but suffer the lingering effects from my episode earlier.

Dark, dread infects my veins and I’m nearly suffocated with the crippling idea of losing her too one day. Ashley did my head in. But losing Tori would crush my soul.

“Just a little more foundation and you can hardly tell,” Tori says and smiles.

I roll my eyes at her and swat her away. “I already feel like a goddamned woman with this shit on my face.”

“Well,” she huffs. “Excuse me for trying to help you. You know, you can’t walk out on that stage and look like you got in a fist fight.”

Puffing out my shoulders, I pin her with a fierce glare. “Why not? Might make me seem tougher.”

Now she rolls her eyes. She’s looking fucking delectable in a pretty pink sundress and wedged heels. Her bare legs beg to be kissed and licked.

“Chase, you won’t be so badass if they find out you had a fight with your steering wheel and lost.”

I laugh as I tug on the gown before the ceremony. It’s been two days since my episode and even though my nose has healed some, the bruises have turned an ugly shade of yellowish green. Tori had a grand idea to doll me up and hide the bruising. Now I just feel like a damn chick. Especially in this gown.

“I can’t wait until this weekend,” I tell her with a grin.

She sashays over to me and presses a soft kiss to my lips. “Me neither. Are you sure we can’t just skip group and move my things then?” she teases. “I could throw in a blow job for a bonus.”

I chuckle and nibble on her bottom lip. “Always trying to skip out on group. Such a naughty girl. Maybe I’ll have to give you another spanking later since you’re such a fan.”

“I am not a fan,” she lies but her blazing cheeks give her away.

“Hmmm,” I tease. “If I remember correctly, you begged for me to do it until you screamed my name over and over. My neighbor called to check on me, remember? Your ass almost got the cops called on me for attempted homicide.”

She giggles and I steal her lips again. My hands roam all over her ass and the moan that spills from her mouth into mine has my cock at full mast. I’m three seconds from shoving her into the nearest bathroom and fucking her in a stall.

Unfortunately, someone clears their throat behind me and our make out session is cut short.

“Dr. Monroe. You’re up.”

I smirk at her before responding loud enough for only her to hear and drop my eyes down to the bulge beneath my gown. “That I am.”

She shakes her head at me with an amused grin plastered on her face and presses a sweet kiss on my lips. “Knock ‘em dead, good lookin’.”