A Lover's Lament

Текст добавлен: 12 октября 2016, 00:01

Текст книги "A Lover's Lament "

Автор книги: K. L. Grayson

Соавторы: B. T. Urruela

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Современные любовные романы

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Текущая страница: 24 (всего у книги 25 страниц)

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“You And Me”—Lifehouse

CLOSING MY EYES, I LET the warm breeze wash over me. The faint scent of flowers starting to bloom and the sound of birds chirping off in the distance tells me that spring is coming, if not technically already here.

A warm hand finds mine, and I take a deep breath before looking up. “I’m not sure I’m ready for this.”

Navas doesn’t say a word. He simply links our fingers, giving me the support he knows I so desperately need right now. He’s been my rock through everything that’s happened since Devin coded in that hospital bed. He’s held me when I’ve needed holding, and he’s talked me down from nearly every ledge I’ve found myself on. And trust me, there have been a lot of ledges.

He tugs my hand, leading me through rows upon rows of white tombstones. They all look alike, and if it weren’t for the map in my hand, I’d certainly get lost.

Arlington National Cemetery is not my favorite place in the world. Sure, it’s breathtakingly beautiful in a somber sort of way, but I hate coming here because it’s a reminder of all of the lives that have been lost.

My body trembles, my legs going weak, and I quickly push those thoughts from my head. The doctor says my blood pressure is already too high, and I have to keep it down or I’ll end up on bed rest. Lord knows the last thing I need right now is to end up on bed rest.

My free hand falls to my swollen belly and I rub it gently. “Are you ready to see Daddy?” I ask, loving the way my little peanut moves around at the sound of my voice. “That’s what I thought.”

“You really think he can hear you?” Navas asks, a curious look on his face.

“What makes you think it’s a he?”

“It’s just a feeling I’ve got.” He shrugs and continues to lead me through rows of fallen soldiers.

“Yes, well, if you think it’s a boy, it must be a girl.”

“You’re stubborn as hell, you know that?”

“I do.” Looking up, I smile smugly. “It’s one of the reasons you love me.”

“Who ever said I love you?”

“What?” I scoff, stopping dead in my tracks. I’m enjoying the banter because it’s keeping me distracted from the grave that’s only a couple of feet away. I know it’s his grave, because the flowers I left the last time I was here are still there. “Take that back,” I insist. “Tell me you love me.”

“Fine,” he grumbles, knowing he won’t win. “I love you … even if you are a pain in my ass.”

“Who do you love?” Devin asks, wheeling his chair up to the side of me.

I look over at Navas, curious as to what bullshit answer he’s going to give my fiancé. “Your woman,” he says with a smirk on his face that’s sure to piss off Devin if his words didn’t already.

Devin glances down and a low growl rips from his throat right before he yanks my hand out of Navas’s.

“Dude, get your own fucking woman. This one is taken,” he says, bringing the back of my hand to his mouth before feathering kisses across my stomach. Peanut moves with the contact and Devin smiles against my dress. “I love you.”

“Okay, enough of this shit,” Navas barks, pushing past us. He walks straight up to Jax’s tombstone, drops his hand to the top and lowers his head. Devin and I stand back, giving him space.

“Did you have a nice visit with Jax?” I whisper.

“I did.” Devin looks over his shoulder at Navas and then back at me. “Thank you for giving me some time to myself with him.”

“You don’t have to thank me.” Bending down, I drop a kiss to Devin’s soft lips. He wraps an arm around my back and drags me onto his lap. I usually resist because I don’t want to hurt him, but he insists that he’s fine.

That day in the hospital is hands down one of the worst days of my life. I thought Devin was gone—and for a minute there, he was. I’ll never forget the way my body went numb, the way my heart felt like it was literally breaking, and then I heard my Daddy’s voice. He was right there with me, telling me to be strong and reminding me to have hope. Immediately after that, I heard Devin’s voice reminding me that he promised he’d never leave me—a promise that he ultimately kept.

“Plus, I think Mr. Tough Guy over there secretly liked walking my pregnant ass all the way to the bathroom.”

“Trust me,” Navas says as he approaches. “Mr. Tough Guy doesn’t.”

“Whatever.” Giving Devin one last kiss, I delicately remove myself from his lap. “Now move on and give me some time alone with Jax.”

Devin reaches out and snags my wrist in his hand. “What?”

“I said I want some time alone with Jax. Something wrong with that?”

“Uh …” He looks at Navas for approval—like I need any—and Navas just shrugs. “Okay. Sure. We’ll be right over there.”

Smiling, I rub a hand over Devin’s cheek before stepping away and walking over to Jax’s grave. “Hey there,” I whisper, shifting to my knees. “I think I just blew my cover. Devin doesn’t know we’ve talked before, so don’t tell him, okay?”

When we come to Arlington, I always find a way to sneak out here and have a few words of my own with Jax. The first time, I merely thanked him for his service. The second time, I thanked him for saving my fiancé's life, and then it slowly transformed into a ritual. Today, I have something totally different to talk to him about.

“I wanted to tell you that I found out the other day—by accident—what I’m having.”

Peeking over my shoulder, I make sure the boys are far enough away that they won’t hear me and then I turn back. “I learned how to read ultrasounds in school. Hell, I look at them nearly every day at work. So when I had mine done, I could tell exactly what I was having. And if it’s okay with you, I’d like to name him Jax. Jaxon Thomas Clay.”

Running my hand along the cool granite, I picture him smiling. I never had the privilege of meeting Jax, but I’ve seen enough pictures to know what that smile would look like.

“I knew you wouldn’t mind,” I whisper. I probably look like a crazy person sitting out here having a conversation all to myself, but I could care less. I firmly believe that Jax was watching over Devin the day of the explosion and again the day Devin coded, so who’s to say he’s not here now? “Anyway, I wanted you to be the first to know. But I better get going. Thank you again for everything.”

Jax may have been watching out for Devin, but I know that I have my own guardian angel. Tilting my head to the sky, I give a silent ‘thank you’ to my daddy, the man who has guided me and helped me get to where I am today.

Patting the white headstone twice, I push myself off the ground, realizing for the first time just how hard it’s getting to move around with this rapidly growing belly. It makes me wish that we were back at home in Tennessee—for good. I’m fully aware that right now Devin needs the best care available, and that’s why we’re here. But it doesn’t make me miss home any less, especially with all of the exciting things that seem to be happening without me.

Sean and Maggie are engaged, although they haven’t started planning their wedding, and if she knows what’s good for her, she’ll wait until I get home to help. Bailey is doing well in college and she finally decided on a major … nursing. I was beyond proud when she told me, and I know she’ll make a great nurse. Mom’s been doing well, and has even started taking over care of the horses. I’ve tried to tell her not to, but she’s stubborn and won’t listen. Must be where I get it from. I’ve even gotten the occasional update on Wyatt. It warms my heart to know that he’s moved on, and we’ve even talked on the phone a couple of times. I’m grateful that he was able to forgive me, and he even said that when he had time to sit back and really reflect on things, he realized that the two of us would have never worked. I didn’t push that comment any further, just took it for what it was, but I like knowing that he’s still a part of my life.

A throat clears and I look up. Devin is watching me with open curiosity. He wants to know what I was doing at Jax’s grave, but he’s just going to have to wait. Raising his hand, he motions for me to join them. Not wanting to spend another second apart, I take a step forward … and another … and then another until I’m wrapped in the arms of my forever.

My Best Friend.

My Fiancé.

My Soldier

My Devin.

“This Year’s Love” – David Gray

THE TINGLE TRANSITIONS TO A burn and I slap the end of my right nub several times in a row, dulling the nerve and quieting the pain. It’s the only thing I’ve found that works when dealing with phantom limb pain. The sensation of still having feet, though I no longer do, is still a trip even a year after losing them. What feels like electric shocks surge from my knees down what’s left of each leg, both taken about mid-calf. Most below the knee amputees get up on their new feet in about six months or so, but infections made my wait double that.

Nothing could bring me down right now though. Not the stinging in my legs. Not even the year I waited for this day to come. Nothing. Today, I’m getting my new legs. Today, I feel what it’s like to stand tall again. Today, I heal just a little bit more.

“Baby, does hitting it that hard really help?” Katie’s sweet voice pulls my eyes from my stumps to her curious face looking back at me. I love the way her nose crinkles up when she’s wondering what the hell I’m doing.

“I swear it does. It’s the only thing that works. I’m finding the harder I hit it, the quicker the sensations go away.” I smack my right stump a few more times and shoot a playful smile toward her. “Bad nubbie!”

She rolls her beautiful eyes, and that smile, the one that still makes my heart race, sits perfectly on her face. This journey has not been easy, but with Katie by my side, I’ve learned to fight harder than I ever thought possible. And now with little Jax … God, how that boy has changed me.

As if he knows his dad is thinking about him, he squeals with excitement, throwing his tiny little hands into the air. Katie pulls him tighter into her arms and sits back in her chair. She rocks him sweetly back and forth, his delicate body nestling comfortably against her chest.

He has silky, light brown hair, and each day it looks more like he got his mother’s. I thank the Lord for that. Not that I didn’t like my hair, but you just can’t beat those beautiful locks she has, which are currently held back by a hair tie and falling gracefully down one shoulder.

Just as I catch myself fawning over my beautiful wife, the door swings open and Tom, my prosthetist, comes barreling in, his arms clutching two prosthetic legs … my legs. The sight of them stirs me in my seat.

Tom sets each leg down in front of me and wipes the sweat from his forehead. He’s a heavyset guy, the teddy bear type, and it’s fitting because he is one of the kindest personnel I’ve encountered at this place. The guy genuinely cares about his patients, and it’s made this painfully long wait a little easier. Excitement shines in his eyes, but it pales in comparison to the feeling that overwhelms my body right now. My ridiculous smile must be contagious, because seated just across from me is Katie smiling back so wide my heart might explode at the sight of it. Between us are two bars about waist high that run parallel to each other across most of the room. I’ve never used them before, but I’ve seen other amputees use them when they first start to walk.

“You ready for this?” Tom asks, rhetorically of course, since I’ve been bitching about this day to him for months.

“You bet your ass I am.” I nod toward him and reach for my legs. Tom pulls them back, and the look I give him must actually scare him a little because he places them back down in front of me.

“Now, now Devin, we gotta go over some things first.” I nod in acknowledgment, sitting back in my seat. I shoot him a smirk—I knew it couldn’t be that easy—and wait for him to continue. Katie is looking intently, mentally noting everything Tom says so that she knows what to do when we are back in our little apartment.

The traumatic brain injury sometimes has its way with my short-term memory and Katie has been a godsend during my recovery, remembering medications and appointments, going over medical information with my doctors, all while pregnant with our son. And she was back at it immediately after Jax was born when I went in for my forty-sixth surgery, another irrigation and debridement—the necessary removal of dead or damaged tissue so that the remaining healthy tissue can heal. Three months ago was the forty-seventh—and final—surgery. They closed my stumps for good, which is why I now find myself seconds away from walking for the first time in a year.

“These are test sockets, that’s why they’re clear.” He shows the legs to Katie and me before setting them down again. The sockets are plastic and nearly see-through. “We will have you up on them today in between the parallel bars to make sure you have a good fit. I’ll have you tell me about any hot spots, and I’ll mark them for later.”

“What happens later?” I interrupt, my curiosity getting the best of me. This prosthetics stuff is fascinating, and I soak up all the information he has to give.

“Well, we have what is essentially a heavy-duty blow dryer that heats up the plastic so I can make the necessary changes.” Tom looks at the two of us and waits for acknowledgement.

“So you’ll heat them up today, and then I’ll be walking home, right?” I push.

He looks at me, just for a moment, like I’m absolutely crazy, but I can’t really understand why. I’ve seen enough amputees around the hospital and apartment complex. It doesn’t look that hard.

Tom’s face returns to normal, and he looks at Katie as if he’s concerned that what he has to say next will let me down terribly. She nods for him to continue.

“Well, I will get the changes in tonight, but you won’t be able to get them back until physical therapy tomorrow.” He pauses, and I can tell he’s biting the inside of his lip. He’s my buddy and we get along great, but he’s always had this odd fear of me—subtle, but odd. I smile at him and he relaxes a bit. “They’ll let you take them home, but only after they feel it’s safe for you to do so. After that, we’ll have you keep walking on them and make whatever changes we need to. Eventually, you’ll have your carbon fiber sockets, and it’s nothing but up from there, my friend!”

I look to Katie and she is still smiling so sweetly that it’s hard to be concerned with my own impatience. Not when she has been so patient with me through all of this. I look back to Tom and smile, and he extends each prosthetic leg out to me.

“Well, let’s get this show on the road,” I say, lifting both of my nubs so he can slide the prosthetic socket over my stumps, each protected by a gel liner. He rolls a gel sleeve up both legs that runs from mid-thigh to mid socket. Then he grabs my hands to help me get up, but I shoo him away. He looks at me as if to say I don’t have an option but finally rolls his eyes and backs away from my chair, allowing me to stand on my own.

Instantly, I’m humbled. Standing isn’t as easy, or comfortable, as I thought it would be. My thigh muscles ache as they flex, working harder than they have in some time. Katie looks at me concerned and nearly rises to her feet, but I put a hand up to stop her.

“Please, sweetheart … I’ve got this.” She settles back in her chair with Jax, but the apprehensive look stays on her face.

I fight with everything that I have, gritting my teeth tightly together and gripping the arms of the chair before finally standing. I steady myself, wobbling a bit, before I’m able to scan the room from the perspective of a man standing six feet two inches tall for the first time in almost a year. It’s like my eyes are opened to an entirely new world, foreign but exhilarating.

Tom takes me by the arm and rebuffs my attempts to push him away. He guides me as I take two slow, unsteady steps forward, stabilizing myself with a hand on each of the parallel bars. Tom backs away and waits, placing his hands on his hips. Katie rises to her feet at the other end of the parallel bars, her eyes gleaming with excitement but anxiety still present on her face.

I take two steps forward.

The nerves ache, the walls of the sockets pressing against them, but I don’t feel it.

I take two more steps forward.

My wife waits, my son in her arms, and the only thing I feel is the immediate need to take them both into my own arms, to hold Katie while standing for the first time in so long.

Two more steps forward.

Tears roll down her cheek, one after the other. I want to wipe them all away. I want to kiss her, to touch her, to hold her like she’s never been held. To feel whole, at peace, and so in love that nothing in this world could ever change it.

I take two more steps forward.

Katie is now standing before me, laughing because she’s so happy. Jax is awake, his beautiful brown eyes curiously taking me in. I kiss Katie’s wet cheek and taste the salt in her tears. I put my arm around her, gripping the small of her back, and I pull her in tight.

Letting go of the other bar, I place my hand on Jax’s forehead, softly stroking his hair to one side. I kiss him lightly on his forehead. He smells of baby powder and that pink lotion Katie likes to use, and it’s the best smell in the entire world.

Then I look down into Katie’s chocolate eyes—after looking up at her for the past year—and all my worries and concerns evaporate. My lips meet her forehead, my other arm resting on her thigh, and out of the blue I remember something Katie said to me while I was in the hospital. She probably doesn’t even know I heard her, but it was her words that pulled me through.

“I want to marry you,” she says, her lips brushing mine. “Marry me, Devin. Wake up, heal, and then marry me. Let me love you and take care of you and show you what a real family is like. And let’s have babies, okay?” Her voice breaks right along with my heart and I try to reach up to touch her—to comfort her—but nothing happens. “Lots and lots of babies. I want sweet little boys with your big green eyes and thick dark lashes. Our little girl will have your dark hair and your smile.”

Well, I’ve taken care of the marriage part, and we have a sweet little boy, but I’m ready for that little girl … hell, I’m ready for lots of babies.

“Hey, Katie?”

“Yeah, babe?”

“Remember when I was in the hospital and you told me you wanted lots and lots of babies?”

Katie cocks her head to the side and gives me a curious look. “You heard that?” she asks.

“I heard every word you said. Including the part about the babies …”

“Yeah?” she says with a cute little smirk.

“How about we head back now, put Jax down for a nap and start working on those babies?”

A choking sound comes from behind me and I glance at Tom. He looks down, but not before I notice how flushed his cheeks are. Smiling to myself, I turn my attention back to my beautiful wife. Katie’s smile is blinding, and it’s the most beautiful sight in the whole damn world.

“I think that sounds like a great idea.”

A low growl rumbles from my throat at the thought of burying myself deep inside my wife. “Let’s get me out of these things,” I whisper, so only she can hear me. “What do I need these legs for when the important one is fully functional?”

Katie’s eyes widen, a look of desire flashing across her face. “More than fully functional,” she says, laughing.

“Damn straight it is.”

“What am I going to do with you, Sergeant?” She slaps my arm playfully.

“Love me,” I answer, brushing my lips across hers. “I just need you to love me.”

“Sir, yes, Sir,” she says, and then I devour that sweet, sassy smart mouth of hers.

THE END

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