Текст книги "A Lover's Lament "
Автор книги: K. L. Grayson
Соавторы: B. T. Urruela
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A Lover’s Lament
Copyright © 2015 by KL. Grayson and BT Urruela
All rights reserved. Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise) without the prior written permission of both the copyright owner and the above publisher of this book.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, brands, media, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of various products referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used without permission. The publication/use of these trademarks is not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owners.
Cover Photographer: RLS Model Images Photography
Cover Designer: Okay Creations
Editor: S.G. Thomas
KL Grayson Bio Pic Photographer: Elisabeth Wiseman Photography
BT Urruela Bio Pic Photographer: RLS Model Images Photography
Formatting by Champagne Formats
Table of Contents
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
Playlist
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Epilogue
Epilogue
Contact Information
Just For Tonight
Acknowledgements – KL Grayson
Acknowledgements – BT Urruela
About the Authors
We would like to extend our deepest gratitude to all of the service men and women of the United States military and their loved ones. Thank you for your service. Thank you for your sacrifice.
A Lover’s Lament Playlist
Prologue: “Cross That Line” – Joshua Radin
Chapter 1: “Gone Too Soon” – Simple Plan
Chapter 2: “Even My Dad Does Sometimes” – Ed Sheeran
Chapter 3: “Warrior” – Evans Blue
Chapter 4: “Weight of the World” – Young Guns
Chapter 5: “Sad” – Maroon 5
Chapter 6: “Slow Dancing In A Burning Room” – John Mayer
Chapter 7: “Be Still” – The Fray
Chapter 8: “Lover, You Should Have Come Over” – Jeff Buckley
Chapter 9: “Fight Song” – Rachel Platten
Chapter 10: “Existentialism on Prom Night” – Straylight Run
Chapter 11: “Breathe Again”—Sara Bareilles
Chapter 12: “How To Save A Life” – The Fray
Chapter 13: “The Fear In Love” – Don’t Look Down
Chapter 14: “Fall” – Ed Sheeran
Chapter 15: “The Proof of Your Love” – For King and Country
Chapter 16: “From Where You Are” – Lifehouse
Chapter 17: “Fighting My Way Back” – After Midnight Project
Chapter 18: “We Can Try”—Between The Trees
Chapter 19: “If It Means a Lot to You” – A Day To Remember
Chapter 20: “Carry On”—fun
Chapter 21: “Break Your Plans”—The Fray
Chapter 22: “I’d Hate To Be You When People Find Out What This Song Is About” – Mayday Parade
Chapter 23: “A Thousand Years”—Christina Perri
Chapter 24: “How Long Will I Love You”—Ellie Goulding
Chapter 25: “Body In A Box” – City & Colour
Chapter 26: “Arms”—Christina Perri
Chapter 27: “Between The Raindrops”—Lifehouse ft Natasha Bedingfield
Chapter 28: “Tiger Lily” – Matchbook Romance
Chapter 29: “She Is Love”—Parachute
Chapter 30: “Set Fire to the Third Bar” – Snow Patrol
Chapter 31: “Not About Angels” – Birdy
Chapter 32: “Awake and Alive” – Skillet
Epilogue Katie: “You And Me”—Lifehouse
Epilogue Devin: “This Year’s Love” – David Gray
1996
“Cross That Line” – Joshua Radin
“KATIE—JESUS.” MY TONGUE SWIRLS around Devin’s nipple, effectively cutting him off midsentence, and when I nip at it playfully, a low growl rumbles from his chest. I smile against his skin, loving that I have this effect on him. Palms flat against his stomach, I push up to see Devin’s green eyes glowing under the dull light of the moon. When I reach for the hem of my shirt, his gaze follows.
“There’s something I need … something that we …” His words trail off, his lips parting as I grip the flimsy material and lift it over my head. My heart is racing with nervousness and anticipation. I’ve never done this before, and even though I feel safe and treasured with Devin, I’m still a nervous wreck. I may be a virgin, but he most certainly is not.
“What was that?” I let my shirt fall, and Devin’s eyes flit between my eyes and chest.
“I, uh … I’m …” With a quick flick of the wrist, I unclasp my bra. Devin blows out a slow breath and then swallows hard before attempting to finish his thought. “It’s just that …” My bra joins my shirt in a pile on the floor. “Fuck, you’re gorgeous,” he breathes.
I palm my breasts, rubbing my thumbs over my nipples, and Devin’s eyes flare with desire. Strong, warm hands slide up my bare thighs, kissing the bottom of my skirt before sneaking underneath. Slowly, he hooks a finger in my panties and tugs them to the side before slipping it inside of me.
His touch is intoxicating, sucking me in, drowning me in a level of intimacy that I’m not at all used to. Overwhelmed with emotion, I swallow past my heart that is planted firmly in my throat, and my eyes drift shut as the weight of this moment—the moment I’m certain I’ve spent the last two years waiting for—sinks in.
Devin and I met on the first day of first grade. He stole my Barbie pencil, I cried like a little girl—well, because I was one—and then, forever the peacemaker, my friend Wyatt stole it back. The next day on the playground, Devin pushed me down and walked away laughing. But what he didn’t know was that my crying fit the day before was merely nerves on the first day of school. I was a tomboy, ready and willing to play dirty, even if I was wearing a dress. Pushing up from the ground, I ran after him as fast as my little legs would carry me and I plowed right into his back, tossing us both to the ground.
When it was all said and done, Devin had a split lip, my knee was all sorts of ripped up, and at the ripe age of six years old, I’d earned my first trip to the principal’s office.
Side by side, Devin and I sat in tiny orange chairs against the wall. “Ya busted my lip.” His words caught me off-guard and I looked over at him. He was smiling a big toothless smile, and I couldn’t help but grin. It’s quite possible that he stole a piece of my heart that day, even if the concept would remain foreign to me for several more years.
At the age of fifteen, I finally admitted to myself that I, Katie Devora, was head over heels in love with Devin Clay. And it wasn’t until two and a half years later—three months shy of my eighteenth birthday, and a measly two weeks ago—that I built up enough nerve to tell Devin how I felt. He had me pinned against his truck, mouth slanted over mine, before I finished giving him all of the reasons we should take our friendship to the next level.
A low moan rips through the air, and when I realize it actually came from my mouth, my eyes snap open, slowly regaining focus. My skirt is bunched around my waist and Devin’s hand is lodged between my legs while the other holds a tight grip on my hip. As my ragged breathing slows, my body and mind floating back to earth, something akin to worship flashes in his eyes.
“Katie—”
“Don’t.” I shake my head. My body is vibrating with pleasure, and I need this more than I’ve ever needed anything. “Please don’t stop.” I won’t survive if you stop.
“Fuck, no,” Devin breathes. “I couldn’t stop if I wanted to.” Thank you, sweet baby Jesus. It’s sad really, but a whimper falls from my mouth when Devin removes his hand from between my thighs. Cupping my face in his hands, he pulls me to him, brushing his lips against mine. “I want this, Katie, more than I’ve ever wanted anything, but I know you’re…” His eyes soften, pleading with me to understand what he’s saying so he doesn’t have to actually say it. “It’s just that I need to know you want this … with me.”
Doesn’t he know how much he means to me? Haven’t I told him time and time again that the two of us together is so incredibly perfect that even my dreams couldn’t conjure up anything better?
Then it hits me. Everything Devin has told me about his relationship with his mom and the way she’s treated him, tearing him down, little by little. He needs to know that I want him and only him, to be reassured that he’s not only worthy but deserving of something this perfect. And if that’s what he needs, I’m more than willing to not only tell him how much I love him but show him as well.
Falling forward, my palms land flat on the bed on either side of his head. Slipping from my shoulders, my hair falls down, sheathing us in our own little cocoon. “I can’t imagine doing this with anyone but you. You’re my dream, Dev. This … this is my dream.”
“Katie.” My name may be just one word falling from his lips, but it’s the way he says it, like it’s a prayer that he just realized was answered. Devin closes his eyes as though he’s fighting his own emotions, and when he opens them, they’re glistening with an intense amount of desire, excitement, adoration and love. But the one thing that’s shining through the most is happiness.
“Let me show you that I want this just as much—if not more—than you do,” I whisper. Popping the button on his jeans, I slowly unzip them. My fingers skim along his waist before dipping into his jeans, where I find him thick and heavy. I wrap my fingers around him and Devin sucks in a ragged breath. I watch his eyes flit between my hand and my face as though they can’t decide where to land. “You’re more than my best friend—you’re it for me, Dev. You’re my soul mate. You hold my heart in your hands.”
Strong words, I know, but they don’t come close to scratching the surface of what I feel for him—of the bond we share.
In the blink of an eye, my hand is ripped from his pants and my body is flipped through the air until I’m flat on my back. Damn that was hot.
Propping myself up on my elbows, I blow a chunk of hair out of my face in time to see Devin’s pants and boxers fall at his feet. Without breaking eye contact, he crawls his way up the bed. My hips lift instinctively when his hands grip my skirt, allowing him to pull it, along with my panties, down my legs. He tosses them aside without a second glance and his mouth finds mine, hot and fast.
Our tongues duel, battling for control, and right about the time I’m preparing to surrender, he pulls back, scattering kisses across my jaw. “This is happening,” he murmurs. “You and me, Katie.” My eyes drift shut when his mouth trails down my neck, across my collarbone, and to one breast and then the other. “You’re so beautiful. You’re an angel—my angel.” Looking down, I watch him cup one breast in his hand while his mouth attacks the other.
“You have no idea what you do to me, Katie. No idea how you make me feel.”
Threading my fingers into his thick black hair, I hold him to me as his lips continue their torturous path down my body. He’s moving slow—too slow—and I fight the urge to just shove him where I need him. It’s no longer a want … I need this man. “I think I have an idea.” My breath catches on the last syllable when his mouth descends on my clit.
Finally!
My body is on fire, strung as tight as it can go. I’ve been thinking about this all day, and I’m so worked up I can hardly stand it. Each caress of his tongue is electric, sending thousands of volts of lightning straight through my body. Pressure builds low in my belly and I know I won’t last long. “Can’t,” I pant. “I can’t take anymore.”
My words only spur him on. Devin’s mouth is relentless, the pad of his tongue even more so. I moan, dropping my head back to the bed before deciding that the view of his ceiling isn’t near as exciting. Propping myself back up on an elbow, I watch Devin with hooded eyes. His broad shoulders are pressed against my thighs, his head buried, and when he glances up, his emerald eyes devour me at nearly the same intensity his mouth does. His gaze is unyielding, it’s yearning, and I beg him to give me a reprieve. “Please. Oh, god.”
Determination flashes in his eyes right before I squeeze mine shut. My body is at its breaking point, and I’m not sure how much longer I’ll be able to last. When the first waves of pleasure crash into me, I tighten my grip on his hair, a deep moan falling from my mouth. He continues to suck and tease, pushing my body further than it’s ever gone, and he doesn’t stop until he’s robbed my body of all of its bones. I’m nothing more than a big pile of Jell-O, sated to the point of immobility.My heart pounds in my chest, and I fight to open my eyes as Devin removes himself from between my legs. Sitting back on his haunches, he reaches for his jeans and grabs something out of his pocket.
“May I?” he asks, his eyes hopeful.
Cupping his cheek in my hand, I push up until our lips are molded together. I can taste myself on his lips and it’s surprisingly erotic. “I’ve already given myself to you, Devin, you just didn’t know it. This … this wraps it all up in a nice little bow.”
He nips at my lower lip. “I like bows.” He smiles, kissing me once … twice … and a third time before pulling back. With a quick motion, he tears open a wrapper, and without breaking eye contact, he slowly unrolls the condom over his erection, which is bobbing heavily between his legs.
My tongue darts out, sliding across my lips, parting them as Devin’s mouth fuses to mine. This kiss is sweet, slow and incredibly sensual. It’s not the kiss of two young lovers; it’s the kiss of two soul mates exploring each other for the very first time. We kiss until my lips are numb and my body is thrumming with so much energy that I think I might go insane.
Pulling his mouth from mine, Devin props himself up on his forearms, my head cradled in his hands, his cock nestled between my legs. If he doesn’t do this soon, I just might scream. “I love you, Katie.”
His words wrap themselves around my heart, which suddenly feels too large for my chest, and I fight the pressure building behind my eyes. “I love you more.”
“Impossible.” He smiles, brushing a strand of hair from my face. “I’ll be gentle, baby, I promise.” I nod and Devin slips his hand between our bodies, aligning himself at my entrance. “If it’s too much or it hurts, tell me, okay?”
“Okay.” Running a hand along his neck, I thread my fingers into the hair at the nape of his neck and tug him toward me while simultaneously shoving my hips upward. His warm, sweet breath fans across my face as he slides into me for the first time. A tiny surge of pain rips through me, but it’s quickly replaced with even greater pleasure.
I arch my back, pressing my body into his, our hips rocking in perfect rhythm as I try desperately to remember every single detail. Devin’s body is as hard as a rock, his muscles flexing and bending under the weight of my hands. I can feel his heart beating wildly inside of his chest, and I can’t help but wonder if he’s doing the same thing … memorizing this … memorizing me.
“Katie,” he growls, burying his face in my neck. “I’m not going to last long. This—too much,” he pants, thrusting into me one last time before his body goes rigid above mine. His eyes close and a strangled moan rumbles from his chest. He rocks into me several more times, riding out the wave of his orgasm, and my arms lock around his shoulders, holding him to me.
“That was amazing.” My fingers trail up and down his back, and I feel him smile against my neck.
“Amazing?” he chuckles. “I was going for earth-shattering … life-altering … mind-blowing—”
“Trust me,” I mumble, pressing a kiss to the side of his head. “It was all of those things too.”
“Oh yeah?” He pushes up, his eyes smiling along with his mouth. I love seeing him smile, happy and carefree.
“Yeah. I don’t want to move.”
“So don’t,” he says, rolling us over so I’m draped across his chest. “Let’s stay here, right like this.”
“Forever.” Curling my body around his, I take a deep, sated breath, loving the blissful state I seem to have found myself in. Closing my eyes, I listen to the beat of Devin’s heart as it plays me the sweetest lullaby.
A loud knock startles me awake and I blink heavily. Lifting my head, I find Devin rubbing his eyes and I realize that we must have dozed off.
“Hi.” His voice is husky from sleep and a grin pulls at the corner of my mouth.
“Hi,” I whisper. A loud knock sounds again and we both turn our heads toward the door.
“Please tell me you locked your front door.”
“Of course.” He kisses my nose and rolls off the bed, and I instantly miss the feel of his body against mine. “I locked the bedroom door too, just in case.”
“You know,” I say, smiling wryly. “We could just cancel the party and stay here.” Devin jumps on the bed, bouncing my body, and I giggle when he peppers kisses down my neck.
“I like the way your mind works, but we have about thirty people who won’t hesitate to smash through my front door.”
“Remind me again why you decided to have a party tonight?”
“Because my mom is gone for the night, Chris’s brother bought us a keg of beer, and who else is going to give the preppy kids somewhere to let loose and disobey their families?”
“Fine,” I surrender, flopping my arms out to the side. “Let’s go get our party on. Just promise me that you won’t invite Marybeth to the next party you have.” My lips curl as though I just smelled something bad and Devin smiles, only this time his smile doesn’t reach his eyes. Instead, it fades as though he just realized something.
“What’s wrong?” Sitting up, I wrap the sheet around my chest.
Devin slides off the bed, grabs his boxers and jeans off the floor, and tugs them on without saying a word. My stomach churns at the forlorn look on his face, and I scramble from the bed, moving close to him.
“Devin, what’s wrong?” My mind races with an endless amount of possibilities as to why he suddenly looks so defeated. Did he not enjoy what we shared? Did I somehow disappoint him?
“Shit,” he hisses, stepping away from me. My arms hang limp at my sides as I watch and wait for him to say whatever it is that’s on his mind. “I was trying to tell you something before”—he waves his hand absently at the bed—“before …”
“Before we made love,” I state, stepping in front of him. He must catch the look of anxiety on my face because his eyes soften and he blows out a long breath. Reaching out, he hooks his arm around my shoulders and pulls me against his chest.
“I was trying to tell you something and I didn’t get a chance to, and it’s big, Katie. I wanted to tell you before we—”
I laugh. “Made love. Come on, Devin, it’s not that hard to say.”
“It makes me sound like a pussy.” I giggle against his chest and he mumbles a curse. “Fine. I wanted to tell you before we made love, because it’s important.”
“Okay.” Pulling out of his arms, I give him a curious glance. “So tell me now.”
Gripping my shoulders, Devin nudges me back on the bed before wiping his hands on the front of his jeans. “Okay. There’s no easy way to say this, so I’m just going to say it.”
“Devin, you’re scaring me.”
“We’re moving, Katie. Mom and I are moving.”
My brows furrow as my mind works to process what he just said. “You’re moving? Like to the country, or across town?”
Devin’s face falls and he shakes his head. My chest constricts painfully. “Pennsylvania.”
“What?” Jumping from the bed, I shake my head as my throat starts to clog. “What do you mean you’re moving to Pennsylvania? Y-you can’t move.” Clutching my hand above my heart, I rub absently over a dull ache. “She can’t just up and move. W-why would she do that? What’s in Pennsylvania?”
My chin trembling causes my lips to tilt downward, and I spin away, trying to maintain some sort of composure. Devin’s hand snaps out, grabbing my arm. He tugs until my back is pressed against his chest, and then he wraps his arms around me and props his head on my shoulder. “I hate this, Kit Kat.” A sob tears from my throat at his use of the nickname he gave me in elementary school. Tears roll down my face and I reach up to wipe them away. “Trust me, the thought of leaving here—of leaving you—rips my heart out, and if there was any way for me to stay, I would.”
My mind races with solutions, because he can’t leave. He’s my best friend … he’s the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. “What about Chris?” Turning in his arms, I rest my hands against his chest. Chris is Devin’s best friend, and Chris’s parents love Dev. “I’m sure his parents would let you stay and finish out the year, and—” My words die off in my throat when Devin shakes his head. “Why not?”
“Katie,” he whispers, cupping my face in his hands. “I can’t let my mom move alone. She needs me.”
“You guys don’t even get along,” I grumble, taking a step back. “She treats you like shit.” Devin’s eyes widen and I want to apologize for the harshness of my words, but I can’t because they’re true. Too many times I’ve sat talking with him over some stupid stunt his mom pulled. I’ve watched him nearly break down time and time again over the way she’s treated him and now this. Now she’s just going to rip him away from his entire life—from the only life he’s ever known?
I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself down, but it doesn’t work. Adrenaline, anger, confusion, and sadness … they’re all running through my veins at warp speed. I can’t seem to make sense of any of it, and I need some time to sort through all of this. Everything I thought I knew just changed. My foreseeable future just shifted, tilting my world on its axis, and I need to get a grip on myself before I can get a grip on the situation.
Grabbing my underwear and skirt from the floor, I slip them on.
“Katie?”
Scurrying around the bed, I look for my shirt. I know it’s around here somewhere; it couldn’t have gone that far. The power of Devin’s stare weighs heavily on my back. He’s following me around the room, I can feel it. I spot the gauzy material on the floor, along with my bra, and snatch them both up.
Devin steps in front of me as I slip on my bra. “Katie, please talk to me. Don’t do this; don’t go quiet on me.”
“I’m not going quiet.” Tugging the shirt over my head, I run my hands down the material, a feeble attempt at pulling myself together. “I just need … a minute.”
Devin’s eyebrows nearly touch his hairline. “You need a minute? No”—he shakes his head and reaches for me, but I dodge him—“what you need is to talk to me. We will work this out. It’s only temporary. I’ll be eighteen this winter, and as soon as I can, I’ll come back. This isn’t the end … please don’t think that.”
“Isn’t it?” I ask, whirling around on him. “You’re moving to Pennsylvania, Dev. That’s like a thousand miles away.”
“Eight hundred,” he mumbles.
“Great!” I toss my hands up in exasperation. “You’ve already looked it up, which means you’ve known for a while.”
“No,” he states firmly. “She sprung this on me yesterday morning. I tried to tell you earlier, but we were—”
“You know what, never mind.” I’m confused. So confused. I just gave myself to Dev and I wouldn’t change that for the world, but somehow it seems so insignificant in light of all of this. He’s leaving. Leaving. My stomach dips and then rolls as I fight back a wave of nausea.
Devin has been a big part of my life for as long as I can remember, and just the thought of him not being here every day—not being able to drive over to his house and see him anytime I want, or kiss him anytime I want—makes my chest physically hurt. I’ve never been shot before, and I hope like hell I never do, but this sharp pain in my stomach must be what it feels like.
Slipping my feet in my sandals, I haul ass toward the door. Devin rushes up behind me, slamming his hand against the solid wood, shutting it before I can slip out. His body is hot against mine, his breathing ragged, and guilt ripples through me. He’s the one that’s leaving … he’s the one that has to start over, and here I am acting like this.
“Katie, please hear me when I tell you that this doesn’t change anything.”
“You’re wrong,” I say with a sigh. “This changes everything.” And by everything, I mean that nothing will be the same. I don’t mean it won’t work, because I do believe that if we want it badly enough and try hard enough, we can make it work. But it won’t be easy. It’s something that we’ll need to sit down and hash out, but right now I just need to collect my thoughts.
“Please don’t do this.” His pleading voice is almost my undoing—almost. But I know that I need to step away and calm down before I ruin the very best thing in my life.
“I just need to process this. It’s a lot to take in.”
“We can make it work, Katie. I promise you, I’ll come back.”
“I believe you that we can make it work if we both try hard enough.”
Devin’s body stiffens behind me. “What’s that supposed to mean? You make it sound like I wouldn’t work at it.”
Whirling around, I plant my hands on my hips. “Your mom hasn’t had a landline in years, Devin. If I want to see you or talk to you, I have to drive to your house. So explain to me what I’m supposed to do when you’re eight hundred miles away.”
His shoulders drop, and I can tell that he didn’t think of that. “Now, will you please take me home?”
“No.”
“What do you mean, no?”
“I want to spend every second I can with you, because we’re leaving on Sunday.”
“What?” I squeal, my eyes nearly popping out of my head. Great. This just keeps getting worse. “I—wh—ho—FUCK!” This isn’t happening. How do I fight this? How in the hell are we supposed to make it work with such little time to even talk about it or prepare? Threading my fingers in my hair, I grip it tightly. “Sunday? You’re leaving on Sunday?” My voice rises with each word, along with my blood pressure. “I can’t believe this.” My pulse is hammering so hard in my ears that it’s giving me a headache, and my chin hurts from the uncontrollable trembling.
“Katie!” A loud knock sounds on the bedroom door, and I wonder who in the world managed to get into Devin’s house. “Katie, are you okay in there?” My body sags in relief at the sound of Wyatt’s voice. Several other voices filter through the air, and I roll my eyes because the last thing I need right now is an audience.
“What the fuck is he doing here?” Devin growls. Stepping around me, he flings the door open. “What?” he barks, the tone of voice causing Wyatt to take a step back.
“He’s my friend and I invited him.” Wyatt watches the two of us hesitantly, but when I walk straight up to him, he opens his arms without thinking twice. Burying my face in his chest, my emotions get the best of me. They boil low in my belly, slowly working their way up until a strangled cry rips from my throat. Wyatt’s arm wraps around my shoulder, but I notice that he leaves the other one hanging loose at his side. Probably a smart idea if he doesn’t want it ripped off.
“Enough.” A strong hand wraps around my arm and I’m yanked away from Wyatt. “Move,” Devin seethes. Wyatt steps out of the way when Devin takes off down the hall, pulling me behind him.
“Let her go.”
“Fuck off, cowboy.” Devin laughs when Wyatt doesn’t come back with more, but I’m not really surprised. These two men, my very first two friends, haven’t liked each other since day one. Devin has always been a little jealous and Wyatt a little intimidated, but they’ve managed to keep the peace for my sake … well, mostly.
“Where are you taking me?” I try to pull from his grasp, but he holds on with ease. I finally decide that it’ll be easier to just follow behind. We garner several strange looks when Devin drags me through the living room and right out the front door without a word to anyone. Tossing his car door open, he pours me inside then stalks around his car and slides into the driver’s seat. It’s a short drive to my house, but long enough for my anger to drain and be replaced with a mixture of guilt, sadness and regret.
If there is one thing I do know, it’s that Devin is and always will be my best friend, and I love him more than I will ever love any other man. Gravel crunches under the weight of his car as we pull down my lane, and I shift in my seat to face him.
“I’m sorry.” Dropping my head to the seat, I wait for him to look over at me but he doesn’t, not even after he throws the car in park.
“I can’t believe you.”
Closing my eyes, I rub a hand down my face. “I know,” I concede. “I shouldn’t have told you I needed time … that wasn’t fair of me. But in my defense, I was overwhelmed. I just wanted a second to process this and put it all in perspective.”
“Not that.” Finally, he looks over at me, but I don’t see any sort of affection, just a distant stare. “You went to Wyatt.”
“Huh?”
“I wanted to hold you and talk to you, but you walked away from me. You went straight to Wyatt. My heart was fucking breaking right along with yours and you walked into that prick’s arms.”
“No,” I say, shaking my head. That wasn’t it at all … was it? “I’m sorry, I wasn’t tryi—”
“You should’ve walked into my arms. You should’ve let me hold you and comfort you because I’m your fucking boyfriend, Katie. I’m the one that has to say goodbye to the one person that keeps me anchored to this fucking earth. Do you honestly think I want to move with her? Do you honestly think I wouldn’t choose you in a heartbeat?”
The tight band around my heart pops and I lurch forward, gripping his face in my hands. “You’re right. I was wrong … so wrong.” My nose burns with tears, and they quickly build and then fall from my eyes. “Please forgive me,” I beg. Guilt churns in my stomach, knotting it up. I can’t believe I acted like that. What the hell was I thinking? I can’t push him away, and I definitely can’t lose him.
Needing to be close to him, I climb over the gearshift and straddle his hips. Pushing my hands through his hair, I pull him toward me until we’re nose to nose. “Tell me you know how much I love you and that you know how sorry I am for earlier. Tell me you know that I will find a way to make this work.”
Swallowing hard, Devin’s eyes penetrate mine. They’re glistening under the dull light of the moon shining through the window. “I know you love me, and I know you’re sorry. Trust me, I had nearly the same reaction when Mom told me. I didn’t handle it well at all.” I can see in his eyes that he’s being sincere. That’s one thing about Devin and me; we’ve been friends for so long that I can read him like a book. “And I know we’ll find a way to make it work, because there isn’t another option.”
