Текст книги "Bad Reputation"

Автор книги: K. B. Nelson

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Текущая страница: 11 (всего у книги 13 страниц)

27

Jensen pushes me deeper into the mattress. His perfect, round ass is on display for the world to see as he makes slow, careful thrusts into me.

“Are you okay?” he whispers while he continues making love to me.

“Yeah.” I nod. “Definitely worth the ‘A’.” It was a harmless joke, but nobody is going to see it that way.

Every single student is glued to the screen of the projector, watching on in segments of shock, laughter and confusion.

“Jensen…” I whisper and turn to him, but he’s already gone. “Jensen,” I scream as I dart out into the hall. He marches down the open corridor, paying no attention to my desperate cries. “Jensen…”

It’s surreal hearing the sound of my own moans as I rush down the hallway. As I pass another full lecture hall, I see a professor fumbling with a dysfunctional remote, trying to shut the video off.

Everybody knows.

Jensen’s reputation is destroyed, and so is mine. Brick said that him and I were karma, but I can no longer agree. This is karma. This is what I get for falling in love.

Jensen throws open the glass door at the end of the hall, slamming it into the exterior brick walls. I race through the open door, taking notice of the broken glass littered along the cement steps that lead down to the sidewalk.

“Stop,” I command him.

He twists on his foot. Rage and embarrassment burn red in his face. His eyes are swollen, a side effect of holding something back. “You are so full of tricks.”

“I didn’t—“

“This is my life! You won’t stop until you have taken everything away from me.”

“Listen to me,” I plead with him, but I know it’s fruitless.

“No,” he screams and waves his hands. “I’m done. Finished. Forever.”

I chew into my lip and shake my head. “You have to believe me.”

“I don’t have to do shit.” He approaches me and stares me down, his eyes a mere inch from mine. “I look into your eyes and I see the devil. I see contempt. I see a little girl who thinks manipulation is the same thing as power.”

I should move, but I can’t bring myself to do so. My body doesn’t even flinch. He’s so right and so wrong at the same time. He stares me down a little longer, and I think to myself, I’ll never see those creamy blue eyes again. The heaving in his chest slows and soon he forces a smile and turns away from me.

His shoulders bounce as he walks quickly to his car and jumps in. He starts the car in record time and I race to him before he can he peel out.

“Jensen.” I grip onto the door of his convertible. “Please listen to me. This wasn’t me. It had to be Brick.”

“Really? Because that video was recorded in your room.”

“I didn’t know.”

“Why should I believe you?”

I hesitate, because I realize this is my last chance to convince him I had nothing to do with this. “You should believe me because I love you.”

“Stop saying that.” He throws his head back against the seat and pushes the car into gear. “You can’t love.” He shakes his head, presses on the gas, and the car bumps forward. “You don’t have the capacity. You don’t have that heart.” The saddest smile I have ever seen creases across his lips and the finality sinks in. “Goodbye, Apple.”

Before I can protest further, he’s gone. He races to the end of the street and whips around a sharp corner without braking, running a stop sign in the process.

“Ouch,” I hear a familiar voice say from behind me. I crane my head to see Cece. She wears a proud, devious smile. In the five days since I’ve seen her, she has changed. Tight-fitted jeans hug the curves of her body, and her bare breasts peek out of a tight tank top. “What was that about?”

I dig my hands deep into my hair and let out a long, exhausted exhale. “Nothing,” I say as I plaster a fake smile on my face.

“Are you sure?” She takes a step toward me, her heels clicking along the cement. She’s taller now, and more sure of herself. “Looked like something to me.”

“You wouldn’t understand.”

“Try me.”

“I fell in love.”

“That didn’t look like love to me.”

“No Cece.” I laugh uncomfortably and without humor. “That’s exactly what love is.”

“I guess I wouldn’t know.”

She follows me as I take a seat on the curb of the road. “I talked to Rafe.” She places her palm on my thigh, and my eyes drift toward her. “He told me he was interested in me.”

“That’s great news.”

“You were supposed to tell me that.”

“What do you mean?” I have an inkling where this conversation is going, and I don’t have the energy for it.

“It took me a while to figure it out. I mean, why wouldn’t you tell me he was interested in me? In fact, you went as far as to say he wasn’t interested in people like me, because I wasn’t like you.”

“It’s complicated.”

“Why do you want me to be like you so bad?” She jumps to her feet and stands in the middle of the road. “Why was it so important for you to take a wrecking ball to everything I ever believed in?”

“I was trying to protect you.”

“Bullshit,” she sneers at me, carrying a load of acid on her tongue. “You wanted to pass on your legacy to someone, and I was the perfect girl for the torch. But let me tell you something, nobody wants that torch. Nobody wants to be you. You’re a mean girl, and you’re going to die alone.”

“I’m going to have to cut you off.” I’m seething, but know I deserve everything she’s saying. “You don’t know shit about me.”

“Don’t I? The funny thing about Brick is that he’s an absolute monster, but he’s an honest one.”

“You are so naïve.” I shake my head. “Do you really think he told you whatever the fuck he told you, out of the kindness of his heart? Please, don’t make me fucking laugh.”

“Sweetie, you don’t need to worry about that, because you’re not laughing. You’re crying. I saw it with my own eyes.”

“You said you don’t want to be like me? Too late.” I measure her from top to toes with my eyes. “Look at you. You’re exactly like me.”

“And whose fault is that?”

“No.” I shake my head again. “Nobody can make you do something you don’t want to do.”

“Tell me then, did you dream of growing up to be an intolerable bitch?”

“You don’t have a clue what you’re talking about. Everything I am is because of the—“

“Really, Apple?” she asks in a condescending tone, mocking me. “Nobody can make you become someone you don’t want to be.”

“We’re done here.” I push past her, knocking my shoulder against her chest.

“You’re right.” She spins around. “I’ve taken everything from you. Your impending degree is on the line. Jensen will never talk to you again, and Brick… Well, I don’t want to ruin all the surprises.”

“I’m sorry.” That’s all I can bring myself to say. I want off this merry-go-round of daggers. For the second time today, those two words echo off the edge of my lips with truthfulness. I don’t recognize who I’m becoming. She scares me. She surprises me. She’s a better woman than who she was yesterday. Too many times in life, we are challenged by our identities. Too often, we find out who we really are when it’s already too late.

The last glimpse I get of Cece is one of mixed emotions. I can tell the weight of her actions weighs heavy on her soul, as her eyes are sunken with guilt. This in turn gives me the tiniest bit of satisfaction. Not because she got what she deserved, but because she stands a chance to not become the woman I did.

I march down the streets of campus, wandering around aimlessly for hours. It’s in these quiet hours of solitariness that I realize what I have to do.

28

Professor Apple Malloy reporting for class. Welcome to How To Not Piss Off A Woman 101. This semester, you are going to learn the three biggest ways to piss off a woman, and the consequences for doing so. I would like to direct you to the syllabus below.

Lesson A: Do not interfere with matters of the heart. Consequence: Castration

Lesson B: Do not lie to a woman who has trusted you. Consequence: Castration

Lesson C: Do not—under any circumstances—ever fuck with an angry woman. Consequence: Castration.

Brick’s going to wish he were dead when I’m done with him. Unfortunately, I’m not looking to spend the next ten-to-fifteen years in prison for assault or attempted murder, so social castration is going to have to work.

He’s stolen Jensen from me, so now I’m going to destroy anything and everything he has left. He may not love anything in this world, but I can still hit him where it hurts. I will ensure no girl within a fifty-mile radius will ever sleep with him again.

I twist the key into the lock of his apartment door, let myself in and slam the door shut behind me. I want him to know I’ve arrived, and hell hath no fury like a bitch scorned.

The first person I see isn’t Brick. It’s someone else. A girl with flowing blonde hair and piercing blue eyes. She’s the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever laid eyes on. She’s petite, but has a larger-than-life commanding presence.

“Brick,” she calls out and shifts her head toward the bedroom. “Someone is here for you.” She turns back to me. “Who are you?” she asks in the sweetest tone.

“A friend.” I smile and take a seat beside her, a little too close for her comfort as she flinches away from me. “Are you Tyra?”

“Yeah.” She’s taken aback that I seem to know of her, but she is in no way the meek girl I thought she would be. “How did you know?”

“I’ve heard so much about you.” I lean my head past her to make sure Brick isn’t coming out of the bedroom yet. Then, it’s back to business. “Pack your shit and get the hell out of here.”

“Excuse me?” She leaps to her feet. “Who do you think you are?”

“Don’t make me say it again,” I threaten her, just enough that she collects an oversized purse from the floor and shoves a history textbook into it. I’ve intimidated her into leaving, and now I have to tell her why. I latch my hand around her arm, and her eyes swim with fear. “I’m not going to hurt you.”

“Then get your hand off me,” she seethes.

I do as she requests and hurry my speech when I hear the toilet flush. “Stay the hell away from him. He’s the fucking devil and he will drag you to hell with him.”

“What are you talking about,” she scoffs and cranes her head to the bedroom, waiting for her knight to save her from the crazy lady. “I’m his tutor.”

“You are so naïve. So was I, but if you listen to one stranger in your life, listen to me.” I stroke a finger through her silky hair, trying to remember a time before I knew him—a time when I could have been happy if I would have chosen a different path. “He’ll destroy you. He’ll rip your soul from your chest.”

She finds her bravery and leans in close. “You need serious help, thinking you can talk to a complete stranger this way.”

“You are not his tutor by accident. It’s all a part of his plan to get you into bed.”

She scoffs again. “You are ridiculous,” she snaps. “I have a moral code, and sleeping with strangers is so far off the map, it’s over in Russia. “

“I made a bet with him that I could sleep with my professor before he could sleep with you.” It’s not a word-for-word retelling of the wager, but it’s boiled down to the basics so she’ll be able to understand. “You are the virgin daughter of a sitting U.S. Senator. You’re a prize to him, and when he’s done with you, he will leave you and your father with your reputations destroyed in the press.”

“Why would you do something like that?”

I pause for a moment, but come to terms with the truth. There’s that five-letter word again. “Because we’re terrible people.” She nods, but I know it’s a lot to take in. “You’re going to do what you’re going to do, but go home now and really think about it. I don’t want you to turn into me.”

“That’s not going to happen,” she speaks those words with such conviction, but her eyes travel to the front door, to her freedom. The bathroom door clicks and I twist my head to watch, waiting for Brick to come through the bedroom door.

But it’s a door shutting behind me that steals my attention. When I look back over to Tyra, she’s gone and a victorious smile creeps slowly across my lips. I don’t know which outcome gives me more pleasure—the fact that I’ve ruined any chance Brick had with her, or the fact that I’ve saved her from a lifetime of pain only the devil himself can cause.

“Where’s Tyra?” Brick asks. I don’t think he’s prepared to know I can play this game as dirty—or dirtier—than him.

“Half-way to Mexico if she has any common sense.”

“Huh.” He snaps the button of his jeans and leans against the bar of the kitchen. “What did you do?”

“Interference is a part of the game now, apparently.”

“Says who?”

“Cece said you had a surprise for me.”

“That girl is a twit.” He laughs and strokes his chin. “But, I figured she could come in handy down the road.” He wags a finger at me. “Nice catch with that one.”

“What are you planning?” I ask without a grain of emotion left in my voice. “What else are you going to take away from me?”

“Nothing.” I don’t believe him, opting to give him the death stare. “I swear. I knew she would tell you that little bit of information and you’d come running back to me.”

“This goes past being a game for you.”

“Smokebomb, it ceased being a game when you fell in love with him.” He jerks away from the bar and paces toward me, placing his palm on my shoulder when he arrives. “Everything I do is to protect you.”

“I don’t feel protected.” I swat his hand away from me. “I feel betrayed by the one man I have always counted on.” There’s gravel in my throat as the emotions I’ve tried shutting off make a triumphant, and overbearing return.

“You’ll get over it in time.” His emerald eyes meet mine, full of desire. “Do you want to make your appointment now?”

“For what?”

“Our fuck date.” He bites into his lip and growls, “I’m going to fuck you so good, the word Jensen will no longer register in your pretty little brain.”

“You are out of your damn mind if you think I’m sleeping with you.”

“That was the bet, wasn’t it?”

“I broke his heart.” I shrug as if I don’t care, but my swollen eyes tell a different story. “I won.”

“It goes a little different in Cece’s version. She said he was red with rage as he stormed away from you. That’s not heartbreak. That’s anger. There’s a difference.”

“I came here to tell you to stay away from me.” I push my hand against his chest as he tries to move in to suffocate me with his undeniable charisma. “We’re finished.”

“You’re full of shit,” he says through a sly grin. He knows everything about me. He knows I can’t live without him. He has to be wrong, and for that to happen, I need to break myself free from the grip he has on me.

“Maybe…” I say somberly and turn to the door, prepared to start a new life, a life worth living far away from the trenches of this never-ending war.

“Where the fuck are you going?” he barks, and I turn to him one last time.

“I’ll know when I get there.”

“Don’t walk out that door.”

“Stop me.” It’s a challenge, and I’m torn between my new-found values and the girl from yesterday. I wish I could charge out that door without a second thought, but in doing so, I’m running away from safety. I’m running away from him—he’s my home. I try and see the road ahead, but it’s an empty mirage of sleepy back roads.

“You’re going to pay for this,” he seethes.

“I never do…”

And I walk out the door. I wish I were stronger. I wish I didn’t have these thoughts running through my head, thoughts of going right back in that door. Every step toward the elevator is a step toward a new life. Fear runs through my veins, forcing my body into a perilous state of shaking.

It’s a testament to what I’ve lost when I don’t rush out of the elevator before the hydraulic doors come to a close. My stomach drops as the elevator begins its long descent to the ground floor.

The tears start again after ten floors, and I’m unable to show this vulnerable face to the world. I’ve seen where being vulnerable gets you, and it’s not a road I want to go down again. Not today. I slam my finger against the emergency stop button and slide my back against the wall until my feet are kicked across the floor.

This is the lowest I’ve ever been, and I’m ten floors from hitting rock bottom.

29

Two drinks sit on the bar in front of me—whiskey on the rocks and a mimosa. I’m torn between two worlds as I stare the glasses down. One of them smells like warm summer days on the patio of my house. The other, a sobering reminder of a declaration of love on the salty shores of Carolina Beach.

The bar is empty on this weekday night. I’m parked on a stool while the bartender toggles through his phone down the way. He doesn’t know me. He hasn’t seen the leaked video of me in my most vulnerable state. But he could. Every person I cross paths with towers over me as if they hold something above my head—the illicit truth that they are better than me.

I can’t show my face on campus again, and my proudest moment stands in the lines of jeopardy. Walking in graduation this summer is no longer something to look forward to, if graduation happens at all.

That new ‘A’ on my transcript is going to be eyed with scrutiny, but what I must now face is nothing compared to what Jensen stands to lose.

I don’t know what brought me to this bar. The same bar Jensen took me on my first, and last, day of working as his assistant. It reminds me of him, but more than that, it reminds me that there are places in this world where you can get away from all the noise, and all the confusion.

“Are you going to drink that?” Jensen asks from behind me, pointing to the glass of whiskey.

I stare him down, shocked that he’s here, standing behind me. My first instinct is to run, but I don’t have the energy. It never crossed my mind he’d show up here, but I should’ve known. It’s his safe place. “I’m considering my options.”

“Do you mind if I take a seat?”

I answer with my hand, a gesture telling him he’s welcome to take a seat. He swipes the glass off the bar and downs it in a quick gulp. “I’m suspended indefinitely, pending an investigation.” He wipes the alcohol from his lips with the back of his palm. “I worked so hard for this life and it’s vanished overnight.”

“I had nothing to do with that video.” I palm the glass in front of me, opting to stare into the creamy yellow concoction, because I can’t bear to look at him.

“I know.” His voice is haunted and low. “Some people are content to roll around in their own filth. Other people can’t live with guilt as easily.” I’m not sure which one of those people he believes me to be. I can’t even tell the difference myself. “Your friend Cece is one of those people. She told me everything. Brick hid a camera in your room and she took the video and uploaded it to the school’s servers.”

“She’s not my friend,” I hiss. “I don’t have friends.”

“That’s a shame. She is—was such a good girl.” He swipes the drink from my hand and chugs it. I let him do it, not being able to bring myself to care about anything. “You and your boyfriend almost ruined her.”

“Stop calling him that,” I scoff at him and shift my eyes.

“I won’t pretend to understand it, because it’s so foreign and so vile to me.” Ouch. “I hate myself for even entertaining the idea I could forgive you so easily, but my heart would never forgive me if I didn’t try.”

“You don’t owe me anything.”

“How can I love you so much? It makes no sense on a multitude of levels. I’ve known for you less than two weeks, and in that time, you have hurt me so much.” He shakes his head and purses his lips, confusion and pain blending into a beautiful cocktail of a broken smile. “But that hurt is nothing compared to the way you make me feel. You make me feel alive on the off-occasions where you aren’t actively trying to dismantle my life.”

“You don’t love me, Jensen. You just think you do.” I bow my head and collect myself. I want nothing more than to be with him again, but I’m terrified of all the ways I could hurt him. “I’m not good for you.”

“You’re right about that, but don’t presume to know what I’m thinking, or how I’m feeling.” His hand falls to my chin and tilts my head up. “I’ve struggled all day, going through a sea of changing emotions. From anger, to heartbreak to this painful knife being ripped through my gut.”

“What do you want from me?”

“I’m boarding a flight to California tomorrow. I’m leaving at noon.”

“I hope you find happiness out there.”

“I was kind of hoping I could bring it with me.” His fingers stroke through my hair, and an inquisitive smile lurks across his face. “Come with me, Apple.”

“That’s a terrible idea.” I pull away from his touch and hop off the stool.

“Probably, but I’ve spent so much time playing it safe, I’m ready to take a gamble.”

“I’m a losing proposition.” I throw my hands to the air, and raise my voice with seeds of anger. Not toward him, but toward myself. “I’m a royal flush. You’ll never catch me. You’ll never win.”

“Here I thought a royal flush was the best hand you could get in poker.”

“It was a metaphor. A terrible one, but a metaphor none the less.”

“I caught that.”

“You’re better off without me.”

“Why can’t I decide what’s right and wrong for me?” He shakes his head and his eyes narrow in on me.

“Because you’re blinded by this.” I gesture to his heart.

He reaches for my hand, pulling it flush against his chest. “Can you feel it?”

“It’s beating, which is obvious because you’re not dead.”

“It’s beating fast. Almost too fast, like it’s hard to breathe whenever you’re around. I’m old enough and wise enough to know what I want, and I’m in agreement with my heart here.”

“Do you love me?” I want the whole, honest truth. It’d be easier if he says he doesn’t, because I can walk out of this bar with no strings attached to anyone or anything in this life. I can have a fresh start, another chance to become somebody else.

“All signs point to yes, but maybe I’m wrong. I’d rather take a chance and figure that out later.” He places a hand across my cheek, a subtle signal of affirmation. “We can be happy together, far away from the bullshit and the pain of this place.”

That’s all I needed to hear. His answer is the perfect tightrope between hope and doubt. He’s not blind to who I’m capable of being and that’s important to me. “I’ll go.”

“I’ve always wanted to join the mile-high club.” He bites into his lip and caresses my cheek, and I enjoy the light-hearted gesture.

I roll my eyes. “Only if you’re on your best behavior.”

“Oh baby, don’t you know… I’ve got one hell of a bad reputation.”

“That makes two of us.”

And I kiss him, finding solace in the taste of his lips I knew I’d never taste again.