Текст книги "Take Me for Granted"

Автор книги: K. A. Linde

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Текущая страница: 16 (всего у книги 18 страниц)

Chapter 43: Grant

“Not a drop to drink?” Vin asked me, holding the bottle of tequila out in front me. “I bet we could get someone over here to do body shots.”

“Not interested,” I said.

I leaned back against the bar and surveyed the crowd hovering backstage at The Drift’s New Year’s show. We were low profile compared to them, and while girls still gravitated toward us, most of the attention was on the other band—mostly Donovan to be honest.

I’d driven into the city a few days early to meet with Hollis. He’d hooked me up with Donovan, and we got along so well that he’d ended up inviting me to some exclusive party last night. I’d had a few drinks there but nothing to throw me over the edge. I wasn’t looking to do that tonight before the show—not after what had happened before our last show with The Drift. Not after what had happened with Ari.

I still hadn’t heard from her since she left the ski lodge. I hadn’t messaged her since Christmas, and I was going to try to keep that up until she got back to school. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to stop myself from rushing over to her place as soon as she was supposed to be home.

“Bro, when are you going to stop this shit? I’ve only been back around you for a fucking week, and already, I’m tired of you sober,” Vin complained.

“I just don’t feel like drinking tonight. You drink enough for both of us anyway.”

“Is it still about that chick?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” I said quickly. My standard answer.

“Good. Don’t talk about it. Just fucking get over it.”

“I’m not just getting over her either, so just drop it.” My voice lowered dangerously.

Vin knew this was a bad topic, yet he wouldn’t let it go. One day, he was seriously going to get his ass handed to him.

“I know what you should do.”

“What’s that?”

“That,” he said, pointing out a banging brunette who had been eye-fucking me all night.

“No.”

“Fuck, man, look at those tits. She’s got them on full display for you. And that ass. I know you’re an ass man, bro. When she leans over, I can straight-up see ass cheeks. That chick wants your dick. She wants to blow it, suck it, fuck it, ride it. You name it. She wants it. Why the fuck would you stay sober and mope around about your ex-girlfriend when that ass is begging you to shove your cock in it?”

I clenched my fists at my sides. I would not blow up on my brother. I would not throw my fist in his face. “She’s not my ex-girlfriend,” I said as calmly as I could.

“She walked out on you. Sounds like a free-for-all to me. Just get over it.”

“Are you over Sydney?” I asked just to shut him up.

Vin glared at me. “Don’t even bring that shit up. Miller’s on my fucking shitlist.”

“You weren’t even together. You haven’t been since high school. I’ll get over Ari as soon as you’re over Sydney, all right?”

“Only one difference—I’m fucking other chicks, and you aren’t.”

I shrugged. I wasn’t Vin, and this wasn’t Sydney. This was Ari. I only had about two weeks left before I would see her, and I wasn’t going to fuck up between now and then.

Hollis walked up to us with a big smile and clapped his hands together. “You guys ready for the biggest performance you’ve ever experienced?”

“Fuck yeah!” Vin cried.

“Grant?” Hollis asked.

“Course I’m ready.”

“Hollis, bro, you need to convince Grant to get over his ex. He won’t listen to me anymore.”

I glared at Vin and crossed my arms over my chest. I wasn’t going to talk about this shit with Hollis.

“Ah, relationship trouble? This about the girl who walked in at the ski lodge?”

I ground my teeth and nodded.

“Not the first time I’ve seen that happen unfortunately. That’s just the life, the way it is. Girls don’t stick around long in this environment.”

“See, bro?” Vin said, slapping my arm. “Go fuck that girl.”

Hollis glanced over in the direction where Vin was pointing. “Ah, Jaci. I bet you’d like her, Grant. She floats around with the band.”

Groupie. Fucking groupie slut. That was all I could think. Suddenly, I was repulsed by the thought instead of encouraged like I always had been.

“That’s the kind of girl you should be hanging around with anyway. No real attachments. She understands the life, and when you guys become famous, she won’t make a scene,” Hollis said with a laugh.

Shit, he’s fucking serious.

“This is the shit I’ve been telling him,” Vin agreed as if what Hollis had said made perfect fucking sense.

“I’ll introduce you after the show. Come to think of it, you’d probably like her friend Jennifer, too. In the meantime, you guys are up.” Hollis gestured to a side door where Miller and McAvoy were already standing, waiting to go onstage.

I could tell they were a bit nervous by the look on Miller’s face and the habitual way McAvoy flipped his drumstick.

I didn’t even have time to tell Hollis I had no interest in Jaci or Jennifer whether or not they were friends who would probably let me take them home together.

We were ushered to the side of the stage. Someone announced us, and the crowd erupted into applause as we walked onstage. To my credit, I kept my emotions in check, but this was, without a doubt, the biggest venue we’d ever played. The pit was teeming with people on their feet, screaming our name.

Once I was onstage, there was nothing else in the world. This was where I belonged, where I’d always wanted to be. I grasped the microphone in my hand and took over. “Happy New Year, New York City!”

The screams were deafening, even without earpieces for the show.

“We’re ContraBand, coming to you from Princeton, New Jersey. While you might not know us yet, I’m sure you’re going to be screaming our name all night long.”

I launched into “Hemorrhage” at McAvoy’s lead, and I lost myself in the performance. Feeding off of the crowd’s energy, we played phenomenally.

I wished Aribel could be here to experience it, but she was in Boston, probably going to fancy parties and trying to forget about me.

But I was goddamn certain that no one at the venue was going to forget about us tonight. We blew through our set like it was the easiest thing we’d ever done. I tossed a guitar pick into the crowd, and girls screamed as they literally clawed at each other to get it. I expected this behavior for The Drift…but for us? We were nobody. But maybe…maybe we were becoming somebody tonight.

Then, we hit “Life Raft.” I’d insisted that we keep it on the set list. It tethered me to Ari, and even though I knew I was emotionally unstable, I’d wanted to sing it for her. I’d wanted to imagine her in the crowd and remind her of what she meant to me.

Except now that I was here, it was the last song I wanted to sing. The truth was…Ari wasn’t here. She couldn’t hear me sing to her. She wouldn’t get to listen to me reminding her how she had saved me.

Pain pierced my heart as Vin picked at the melody I’d been strumming all winter break.

“This next song is our latest.” I looked out across the thousands of people screaming for us, waiting expectantly. My breath caught in my throat, and then I envisioned Ari out there, listening. It made it easier to say, “This one is for every time you’ve ever fallen in love. We call it ‘Life Raft.’”

Chapter 44: Aribel

I gasped.

Straight-up gasped.

If everyone else around me wasn’t screaming at the top of their lungs, then someone other than Cheyenne might have noticed my shock. Did Grant McDermott just confess his love for me onstage in front of thousands of people?

I reached out and grabbed Cheyenne’s arm to steady myself. I couldn’t breathe. This was the most unreal moment of my life. I’d come here to make amends, and he’d gone and done that. Whatever I had been planning to say was sure to pale in comparison.

Love.

Well…fuck. That was all I had. He’d knocked me down to four-letter expletives.

“Are you going to be okay?” Cheyenne asked.

I shook my head. “No. I don’t know.”

Whatever Cheyenne said next was lost on me as Grant sang our song. Despite the gentle quality of his voice, I could tell he was struggling to get the words out.

You’re my life raft in an endless ocean.

They ate at him. They showed every single emotion that he’d been sending through those text messages over break. He missed me, and he was hurting.

You saved me from drowning.

You saved me from myself.

And everything about him in that moment showed me how much the words affected him. He was drowning, and I wasn’t there to pull him out of it. I felt my heart breaking all over again.

The song ended, and without another word, Grant stormed offstage. The other guys stared after him in shock. This clearly had not been part of their plan. Grant had just disappeared. I needed to get to him.

Miller recovered himself enough to grab the microphone and thank the crowd for coming out to see them. It cut their show off by at least three songs. They always closed with “Letting You.” Something was wrong.

“We need to get backstage,” I told Cheyenne frantically.

“What the fuck was that about?” she asked as she gestured for us to break through the crowd.

“I don’t know, but it wasn’t good. He wrote that song for me.”

“He wrote ‘Life Raft’ for you?” Cheyenne asked in disbelief. “Holy shit! That’s their best fucking song.”

“Yeah, and he kind of looked like he was going to go off the deep end when he was singing it.”

“Well, no shit! What do you think he’s going to do?”

“I don’t know. Nothing. He was probably just pissed.”

“Then, why are we running?” Cheyenne asked.

I didn’t justify that with an answer. I didn’t know what Grant was thinking. He’d never stormed offstage before. He loved his music. But he missed me. I knew he did. I didn’t think the combination of all that pent-up anger and frustration along with the reminder of me was going to do anything good for him in his mental state.

We rounded a corner that took us to the backstage entrance. A bunch of girls were standing around. Some were talking to the bouncer, and it looked like they were trying to sweet talk their way backstage. Other girls were just hanging around, hoping someone would let them inside. Cheyenne confidently elbowed her way past all the annoying girls and walked right up to the bouncer. One of the girls gave her a death glare.

“Name?” he asked, giving us a look that said he was thankful not to be talking to the other girl now.

“Cheyenne Redding and guest.”

The man ran his hand down the list and then checked us off. “Good to go, ladies.”

“How—”

“Vin,” Cheyenne said dismissively.

Of course.

We got backstage and saw that it was not just a large area, but it was packed. I sighed. I didn’t know where Grant would be and what state I’d find him in.

“Split up?” Cheyenne suggested.

“Sure.”

Not knowing where to start, I turned to the right went in search of Grant. I figured he’d be surrounded by people, but there was the possibility that he was off somewhere alone. I was also looking for the other guys, hoping to catch a glimpse of them coming offstage, but I had no such luck.

I was thinking about circling back to the entrance to find Cheyenne when I nearly ran into a guy. He looked like he was in a hurry and pissed.

I squeaked and got out of his way. “Sorry.”

His gaze fell on me, and his anger disappeared. It was replaced with curiosity, and then he smiled. “No problem at all. I wasn’t looking where I was going.”

“No harm, no foul,” I said.

“Can I help you with anything?”

“I’m just looking for Grant McDermott,” I said with a sigh.

I always felt like I was looking for him at these kinds of things. They needed to make the backstage smaller.

“Oh, Grant? Yeah, sure. I just saw him walk out.”

“Really?” I asked, surprised. “Where did he go?”

The guy shot me an amused look, and my stomach dropped.

“I think he had a girl with him, so I can only imagine.”

No. I wouldn’t believe what he was telling me. That just didn’t make any sense.

“Um…are you sure? I mean…he looked pretty upset when he got offstage.”

“He was pretty upset. I don’t know if we’ve met, but I’m Hollis Tift. I manage The Drift. I’ve been working pretty closely with Grant since Halloween. I have a feeling you’re this Ari who everyone keeps talking about.”

I blushed. “Um…yeah, I am.”

“Well, I hate to break it to you, Ari, but this is just how it is. This is the life.” He spread his arms wide, indicating all the groupies. “I’m sure he liked you. But why would he wait around? He realized his mistake, and he’s reconciling that problem.”

My mouth hung open, and for once, I was rendered completely speechless. I couldn’t listen to this. I couldn’t believe this. This wasn’t Grant. This wasn’t the man I’d fallen for.

But when we had started talking, he hadn’t been in this position. I hadn’t been worried about the groupies before, but these girls were professionals.

I opened my mouth to contradict him, but he cut me off. “It’s a hard lesson to learn. You seem like a nice girl. If you want my advice, it would be to turn around and get out of here. Find a nice guy who will take care of that pretty face and not break your heart. Grant…he’s in a league of his own. He’s going places. You’re just going to hold him back.”

“I don’t believe you,” I said as strong as I could muster.

“It doesn’t matter to me whether you believe me or not,” Hollis said with shrug.

I pushed away my fears. I didn’t need all of this clouding my mind. I just…I couldn’t believe what he was saying. If Grant cared about me, if he loved me, we could make it work.

“Whatever. Grant has been messaging me all break. He wrote that song for me. I just need to talk to him. So, if you don’t know where he is, I’ll keep looking.”

“Feel free to keep looking, but he’s already gone. He left with Jaci ten minutes ago.”

I shook my head and stumbled away from Hollis. I had to find Grant. He couldn’t have left with another woman. He wouldn’t do that to me. Sure, we were on a break, but we weren’t broken up. I knew that I hadn’t responded to his messages. I knew that things were kind of fucked-up. I just couldn’t fathom that they were over.

When I finally found the back exit, I pushed it open and gazed out at the small parking lot. I didn’t see Grant’s truck, but that didn’t mean anything. He could have parked somewhere else. I felt like I was grasping at straws, but I just couldn’t let any of those things be true.

I heard a commotion behind me, and I slowly turned in hopes that Grant was still inside. But it was just Donovan fending off a group of girls. I rolled my eyes and looked away.

“Ari, good to see you,” he called out when he saw me. “Jesus, it’s freezing. Let’s close that door.”

With a sigh, I let him shut it behind me. It wasn’t like staring out in the cold was going to bring Grant back. I just couldn’t believe that he was with a girl. I’d meant to surprise him by showing up, but maybe I should have just given in and texted him.

“Everything all right?” Donovan asked.

My heart beat in my chest as I looked up at Donovan. I didn’t want to ask him what I was about to ask. I couldn’t have him confirm it, but I just had to know. Maybe Donovan wouldn’t even know.

“Have you seen Grant?”

Donovan looked uncomfortable for a minute. “Uh…yeah, I saw him.”

“Do you know where he is?” Hope sparked in me.

“I’m sorry, Ari.”

And he did look sorry. Shit.

“What are you sorry about?”

“I saw him leave.”

“Oh,” I whispered. “Are you sure?”

“When I was out with him last night, he told me that you guys broke up.”

“We…wait, he said that?”

I was not going to get upset about this again. I’d thought that we were just on a break, but he must have assumed it was an official breakup…that we’d talk about getting back together when I came home. I’d never given him any indication otherwise.

“Yeah, he did.” Donovan’s hand dropped onto my shoulder, and he looked at me sympathetically. “Just so you know…I think he’s crazy.” His other hand came up and pushed a loose strand of hair behind my ear. “If I had a girl as beautiful as you, I’d never let you out of my sight, seventeenth-century antiquated ideals or not.”

I stepped away from his touch, and my back hit the door. “Thanks for your concern. I’m sure you have hundreds of girls much more beautiful than me throwing themselves at you.”

“None as beautiful as you who are turning me down.”

“I bet you don’t have any others doing that.”

Donovan shrugged. He knew that I was right. “Why don’t you forget McDermott tonight? Stay for my show. Haven’t you ever wanted to see a Drift show from the side of the stage? We could hang out after. We’d have a good time.”

For some reason, I had a feeling that his definition of a good time and my definition of a good time weren’t the same thing. And the only person I wanted to be with was Grant. Even if he was off with someone else tonight, I still wanted him.

“Appreciate the offer, but—”

My words were cut off when Donovan bent down and brushed his lips against mine. Fire alarms went off in my mind. This was wrong. This wasn’t Grant. Even if Grant was with someone else, I didn’t want to kiss someone that he knew. I didn’t want to be around people who were associated with Grant. I needed to get out and get out now.

I pushed against the door I was leaning on and opened it into the cold. Donovan stumbled through it with me, breaking our kiss. His green eyes were fierce.

“I appreciate the offer, but no, I’m not interested,” I said, my voice hard.

“You’re wasting your time on Grant.”

“If I’m wasting it on a man who loves me, then I’d obviously be wasting my time with someone who doesn’t.”

And with that, I shoved past him, back inside, back through the crowd of girls, and out into the arena. I texted Cheyenne to let her know that I was getting a cab back to the airport. She seemed frantic, but there was nothing else she could do at this point. I just wanted to be back in Boston.

The clock chimed midnight soon after the plane touched down. I waited anxiously for a text message from Grant, like I’d gotten over Christmas, but it never came. I hadn’t wanted to believe he was with someone else, but somehow, his silence convinced me more than anything else ever could. When I got home, I crawled into bed, determined to forget Grant McDermott.

Chapter 45: Grant

I typed out ten messages to Ari but deleted them all.

She didn’t want to hear from me on New Year’s. She hadn’t wanted to hear from me on Christmas. She hadn’t wanted to hear from me every day before that. I should just give up and let her move on with her life, but I couldn’t.

I’d been onstage, singing the song I’d written for her, when it just hit me how fucked-up all of this was. I was in love with her. I’d said as much onstage, but the lyrics had just driven it home. I was in love with Aribel Graham, and she wanted nothing to do with me.

After I’d finished the song, I’d stormed offstage, unable to continue. I was over it. I’d just wanted to be alone.

But no, even then, I couldn’t get what I’d wanted. Hollis had stopped me at the exit, wondering what the fuck I was doing. We weren’t signed with Pacific, and I was ruining my chances of ever getting picked up with them.

That was fine with me. If we got picked up, who knew when I’d get to see Ari anyway? Didn’t seem like a fair trade to me.

Hollis obviously hadn’t seen it that way. He couldn’t understand how I felt about Ari. He never would. He talked about girls the way I had before Ari. I might be a total fucking asshole, but Ari came first. If by some fucking miracle I could salvage this with her, then I was going to do everything I could to make sure that was a possibility.

I’d had it out with Hollis backstage, and then I’d gotten into my truck and driven straight home. The drive had taken fucking forever since everyone and their mother was out in New York City for New Year’s, but I hadn’t cared. I’d just needed to get out of there. I’d needed to think, and I couldn’t do it surrounded by thousands of people.

Being all alone, holed up in my house, didn’t seem to help much either. I just wanted Ari here with me. I wanted to get a New Year’s kiss I’d remember. But if Ari didn’t want me around, I wasn’t sure how much more of my antics would change her mind. If it came down to that, I’d have to resign myself to move on.

Hollis hadn’t been the only one pissed that I’d walked out of the show. The guys had returned from the city early afternoon on New Year’s Day, and they had promptly gone about ignoring my existence every time I tried to talk to them. I’d fucking wanted to be alone to think, and now, they were giving me all the space I needed.

I wandered into the garage, and everyone seemed to have calmed down by the time regular band rehearsal was supposed to start. They were seated on the couches. McAvoy had his laptop open. He was the tech-savvy one of the bunch, and we generally just left him alone when he got in the zone. Miller looked up when I walked in, but Vin didn’t even spare me a glance. He must really be pissed.

I took a seat next to McAvoy. I decided to take a direct approach. “Sorry about last night.”

“What the fuck happened?” Vin asked. He looked like he’d doped up on steroids this morning, and he was even more of a loose cannon. “You just fucking left us out there. We had three more songs to go, and you ditched us! What the fucking fuck kind of band member ditches his band onstage with no motherfucking warning?”

“I know. I should have told you guys.”

“You fucking think? You humiliated us out there!”

“I didn’t humiliate you,” I argued. “We played the majority of our set. No one even knew the difference.”

“Hollis knew the difference,” Miller cut in. “He was pretty pissed.”

“Fuck Hollis,” I said with a shake of my head. “I’m so tired of these label people thinking they can mold us into these perfect shapes. They can’t define us by dangling a contract in front of our eyes.”

Vin cursed under his breath, but Miller was the one who spoke up, “Hollis isn’t trying to fit us into a certain mold. He’s been pretty lenient as far as I’m concerned, and I like him. Now, after that performance and your argument, we might not get signed.”

“Good. I don’t want to get signed,” I said without thinking.

The silence in the room was deafening. Even McAvoy stopped clicking away at his computer to look up at me. All of the guys stared at me with a range of shocked expressions. I’d never voiced that thought out loud to anyone before. I hadn’t even really thought about it much until recently. After the Frank Boseley incident, I’d been feeling more and more constrained by the pressure of fitting into a traditional record mold. Then, with the added fear of losing Ari, it had only amped up that feeling.

“You what?” Miller asked.

“I don’t want to get signed.”

“Since when?”

“This whole experience is ruining me for wanting to sign with anyone.”

“Is this about Ari?” Miller asked, just laying it out there.

“Oh, come on, man. Just forget that girl,” Vin complained.

“I’m not forgetting about her!” I yelled back at Vin. “Can we just drop the subject?”

“You just dropped a bomb on us, and you want to just walk away from that?” Miller asked in disbelief.

“Guys,” McAvoy said, speaking up, “you might want to shut the fuck up and look at this.”

“At what?” I asked. I leaned over his computer and tried to make out what I was looking at. It just looked like a spreadsheet with random words and numbers on it.

“Well, we sold about ten-thousand more copies of our ‘Life Raft’ demo than we’ve sold of every other song combined.”

“What? Since when?”

“Since…today,” McAvoy said.

I looked at him, stunned. “How is that possible?”

“I can only assume it’s because of the show last night.”

My mind ran away with me. Ten-thousand more copies. Of course it had to be that fucking song. It had to be that one. I didn’t ever want to sing that song again at this point, but it was the one that over ten-thousand people had purchased within twenty-four hours. Fuck!