Текст книги "Avoiding Temptation"

Автор книги: K. A. Linde

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Текущая страница: 22 (всего у книги 27 страниц)

He better be true to his word and have her out of the area if not out of the hospital entirely.

When the elevator opened on the top floor, Lexi steeled herself for the conversation she had been dreading all week. If she knew how this was all going to go down, then she likely wouldn’t be as terrified as she felt, but she couldn’t help it. She tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and walked out of the elevator.

Ramsey was pacing in his office as she approached. His secretary was mercifully absent. Lexi glanced into the office next door and didn’t see anyone. She sighed in relief. No Parker.

She was used to seeing him in suits, but he hadn’t been at the office. He had driven here from home, so he was dressed more casually in a pair of pressed khaki shorts, green polo, and boat shoes. He still looked perfectly put-together even though she could tell by his pacing, the way he ducked his head, the way he ran his hands back through his hair methodically, that he was a wreck.

Her hand landed on the doorknob lightly, and Ramsey’s head jerked up at the sound. Her heart broke at the sight. Her Ramsey never went anywhere without being clean-shaven, and Lexi could see stubble along his jawline. His eyes seemed far away, and bags were forming under his eyes, like he hadn’t been sleeping. She hated that he was like this…that she had caused this.

Lexi turned the handle and walked into Ramsey’s office, slowly, cautiously. He took a few steps toward her like he wanted to scoop her up and pull her into his arms, but when he saw her face, he stopped in his tracks. He wasn’t stupid. He didn’t want to push her again. But any distance between them felt exponentially worse with those few feet.

“Lexi, it’s so good to see you,” he all but whispered into the silence between them.

“It’s good to see you, too,” she answered honestly.

“I’m really glad you called and wanted to talk.”

Now that she was here, staring at his beautiful face, Lexi didn’t know what to say. Do what you want. That was basically what Chyna had told her. You already know what you want. You just have to make that decision for yourself.

Lexi sighed and closed her eyes. Why couldn’t it really be that easy?

“I know you wanted to talk, but can I go first?” Ramsey asked. “I’ve been holding on to this for five days, and I want to get it all out.”

She nodded. She didn’t even know where to begin. So, maybe this was better.

“Those papers don’t mean anything to me. That was a lifetime ago…”

Lexi sighed and shook her head. She knew she was going to have to sit down for this.

“I’m serious,” he continued. “I was just shocked when she showed up with them. I was so sure it was an abortion that I had forced myself to believe it all these years. It was kind of like losing a part of myself. I don’t know how else to explain it. But even if I was wrong about Parker, it doesn’t change what happened between us. Parker and I broke up, and we haven’t been together in a very long time. I’ll admit that the day you walked in to my office, I had all of these what-ifs swirling around in my head, but that’s all they ever will be—what-ifs. Parker…” Ramsey paused as if trying to wrap his mind around the name and the emotions. “She isn’t you.”

“Yes, well, that’s very clear,” Lexi said softly.

“Very clear. You asked me to explain her to you, to tell you why she matters. Well, the answer is because she’s always mattered to me. First, as a big brother joking around with his sister’s friends. Then, as a girlfriend. Then, for all the reasons that we couldn’t work. Then, as a coworker. The reason you care for people can change. Just like my feelings for Parker have changed.”

Lexi knew exactly what he was talking about because she had that with Jack. And it might change, but it always came back to that one aching desire she had in the pit of her stomach. And if what Ramsey and Parker were going through was anything like her experience with Jack, then no matter how much it changed, no matter how much distance was put between Parker and Ramsey…it still plagued them.

“But my feelings for you have never changed like that. They’ve only grown and grown, and they continue to grow every day, every minute, every second I’m with you. And I knew on that first date that you were different, that things with you would be different. I wanted to protect you. I wanted to make it all better. I wanted to rid you of the hollow expression and depression that seemed to hang off of you.”

“And you did,” she whispered softly. “You pulled me out of the pain that I’d been in for years.”

“Good.” His green eyes were wide.

She could tell he had been running this all through his head for days on end. He wasn’t rambling or incoherent, like her Ramsey always was. He had thought this through. He wanted to make this right.

“You did the same for me.”

“I know,” she said.

“And when you walked out that door, when I didn’t hear from you, I felt…I don’t even know how to explain it. I felt like it didn’t matter what I did anymore because the only thing I wanted in the whole world, I’d let walk out on me…again.”

Lexi’s heart stopped. How could she not love a man like this? He said and did all the right things. He loved her unconditionally despite all her faults and all her baggage. He picked her up out of the pain and placed her back into working order. He had been exactly what she needed.

“Please, Lexi, my Alexa, let me make it right,” Ramsey whispered, bridging the distance between them and staring down into her wide brown eyes.

She could tell that he wanted her to make the next move, to make it all right.

“When I went to see Chyna before the wedding, she told me that I should decide what I want. That I’ve always looked to make everyone else happy. That I’ve never considered my own happiness. Chyna has a certain way with words…that I think I lack.”

Ramsey swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing with his uncertainty about where this was going.

“She’s like a dose of reality through my overanalytical mind.”

“That’s a good way to put it,” Ramsey said tentatively.

“I think, in some ways, she’s right. I think of other people’s happiness because it coincides with what I want. I wanted Jack for years, so I didn’t think about what he did to me during that time or how it would affect me. And I went back to you after you’d hurt me without even thinking it through. I feel like I was kind of always doing what others expected me to do. I don’t regret any of my decisions. They have shaped who I am. They made me happy at the time, but thinking about it makes me realize that I was always running in circles.”

“Lexi,” Ramsey interrupted, “I really don’t mind if we have to postpone the wedding. I—”

Lexi held up her hand to silence him. She needed to finish. She couldn’t think through his words. “I think you’re right. Your feelings for people do change with time. You might need someone for one reason, and then when that reason is obsolete, you might not need that person anymore. People come in and out of your life all the time. They shape and mold you like clay, and then the water washes away the edges.”

She could feel tears prick her eyes as she finally got out what she was trying to say—as she finally realized what Chyna was telling her.

“You came into my life. You pulled me away from my pain. You molded me into a better person,” she said, taking a step back and swallowing hard. “But I think that was what I needed then…not now.”

“Lexi,” Ramsey choked out.

She had always thought that her temptation was this heart-stopping, unbelievable emotion where she was unable to think or breathe or do anything because of how it made her feel and what it made her want to do. That temptation was something she had always given in to. At least, that was how it had been for a very long time—before Ramsey, before she had realized how important it was not to give in to that, not to let it affect her like that.

But then, the temptation changed.

She changed.

Desire, lust, cheating—those temptations weren’t there anymore. She didn’t ever want to cheat again. What came with cheating was heartbreak and pain—the exact pain that Ramsey had pulled her out of.

Now, she was avoiding temptation to settle—to stay with Ramsey because he had been the person to pull her out of it, and realizing that was the reason why he was important to her.

And she loved Ramsey. She had loved him for a really long time.

But she didn’t love him enough to spend the rest of her life with him.

And really, when it came down to that, it was an easy choice.

Because it was what she wanted.

“I’m sorry, Ramsey. I just…I’m not happy,” she said. “I want us to work. I want it to be right.”

“Then, let me show you.” Ramsey reached out for her, pulling her toward him. “I’ve changed my whole life for you, Lexi. Just let me show you. Please.”

“Ramsey, no,” she said, shaking her head. “I didn’t ask you to change your life for me.”

“But I did anyway!” he said, running his arms up and resting his hands on her shoulders.

“I liked who you were. I liked you being independent. I liked the rebellious Ramsey.”

“I wanted something we could be proud of.”

Lexi shook her head and tried to pull away. “I never judged you for how your life was. I liked that you cared enough about what you wanted, that you didn’t have to be under your father’s influence.” Lexi bit her lip and turned her face from him. She wished she could explain all of this better. “But when you changed, for me, you lost part of the person you were when I fell in love with you.”

“I changed for the better, not for the worse, Lexi. I changed to be a better man for you.”

“You’re not hearing me,” she said softly. “You were already a great man. You’re still a great man. I just…don’t think you’re the man for me.”

Lexi saw the exact moment Ramsey’s heart broke. It was stunningly painful, like staring into the sun on a bright afternoon or the glare of a flashlight in his eyes in the pitch black. It was like the moment a storm broke overhead, dropping a torrential downpour onto the earth. It was that second when the fight went out of a boxer’s eyes, the moment of defeat, the moment of destruction, when he only needed one more punch to crumple to the ground and have darkness swallow him up whole.

A single tear fell out of Ramsey’s right eye and rolled down his cheek to his tensed jaw. His eyes were misted over with emotion, and Lexi had to swallow back a knot in her throat. She had brought this strong man, this beautiful man, to tears, and there was absolutely nothing that she could do about it that she wouldn’t regret for the rest of her life.

“I’m sorry, Ramsey. I can’t keep this,” she said, pulling the diamond ring off her finger. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and tried to blink back the tears forming in her eyes. “I already have one that belongs to me. It was saved for me before I even knew who you were.”

Lexi had always thought that when it came to this moment, when she had the right to choose, the right to make up her mind for herself without any exterior complciations, she would turn Jack away. How many times had he done it to her? But then again…how many times had she done it to him? He had told her how he felt when she was dating both her college boyfriends, and she had said no. They had never had their chance only because they had both run scared at every opportunity. But now, Jack was laid out in front of her, and she couldn’t bear to do it. She couldn’t bear to give him up.

It was a terrifying notion—no more running, no more hiding. She had owned up to how she was feeling with Ramsey, and she would have to do it now with Jack.

Christ! She had left him waiting for her without an answer. She had walked out of his apartment, still deciding what she was going to do. The choice to leave Ramsey was her own. It had nothing to do with Jack. And by now Jack probably thought that it was over.

She could walk away, start over, find a new life.

But…what kind of life would she have without Jack?

It made her heart constrict, thinking about it. She had been so ready to move on and get past him after his wedding, but she had found that she couldn’t. It wasn’t even that she couldn’t. She just didn’t want to. She wanted him in her life. She wanted him around. She wanted him to be the person who picked her up when she was down, the one who made her smile. She was so tired of heartache, and she wondered over and over again if she had just tried it with Jack from the beginning what it would have looked like.

She would never know. They had never taken the chance. Even in New York, she had been the one to say, Let’s just take it slow. But how could they even possibly take it slow? All her heart told her was to floor the pedal and speed down the road as fast as she could.

They had been fighting this for so long that she couldn’t even articulate what it felt like to know that Jack was waiting for her, that he wanted her, that she could have him…

Almost four years since they had last slept together. Almost six since New York.

She swallowed hard when she did the math. All this time—ten years in August—and Jack was still the one man she couldn’t live without.

Jack had told her, all those years ago, that they were fated to be together….that he wished he could go back to change the way he had acted. Nothing could erase the past though. Nothing could change what they had gone through.

But Jack had changed. Over the last two years, he had grown up. He had stopped thinking that he could have his cake and eat it, too. He respected her, and now…he was fighting for her.

So, while nothing could change their past, they could change the future.

They already had.

Lexi’s hand shook as she knocked on the door to Jack’s apartment. It was half past one o’clock in the morning, and she knew Jack would likely be asleep…in the bed she had been sleeping in for the past five days. She still had the key that he had given her, but she didn’t feel right using it, not after walking out on him this morning. She couldn’t until she figured out what was going on between them.

As she waited for an answering call, for the door to slide back, for Jack’s face to appear, shocked, in the doorway, she let her mind wander back to the hospital.

The weight of the ring in her hand as she slid it into Ramsey’s palm. The look of pure unadulterated sadness that took over his face. The realization that he had lost her…that it was over.

With the beginning wave of acceptance already taking over, Ramsey had embraced her and left a lone kiss on the top of her head. She had let herself feel his arms around her once more, knowing that this would be the last time. Ramsey had stared down into her eyes one last time as he had pushed her hair behind her earlobe.

He had leaned forward and whispered into her ear, “His warning still stands with me, Lexi.” His voice had been hoarse with the edge of protectiveness that he had always had. “If he hurts you, I’ll kill him.”

Lexi had finally pulled back, her mouth set into a straight line, and nodded. He had nodded back, and that had said everything without saying anything. She hadn’t wanted to hide it from him. He deserved to know the truth, and through that one look, she had known that while he might not like it, and it would take time for him to get over it, he would get over it…get over her.

And then, he had let her go. Because there was nothing else that they could do. She had made up her mind.

So, she had said her farewell and departed.

She hated hurting Ramsey, seeing the pain that she had inflicted upon him, but she would hate herself more if she stayed with him and didn’t love him…not like she wanted to…not like he deserved.

Her hand had come down lightly on the doorframe. Her hand had fisted over her heart as she had pushed the pain aside. Ramsey occupied a different part of her heart, but the truth of it was…she could never give herself away fully to anyone with Jack still taking up residence. So, she had to let the pain pass, let it wash off of her like water on clay, and know that she was making the right decision.

With a sigh and another deep breath, she had dropped her hands and straightened her back. She would never forget the three-and-a-half years she had spent with Ramsey. They had been good years.

But she was ready to begin the rest of her life.

The door swung inward, and Lexi held her breath as Jack’s face came into view. He was still rubbing his eyes, trying to orient his already groggy body. She must have pulled him out of bed. He was wearing nothing more than burgundy basketball shorts hanging low on his hips. She could see the navy plaid boxers underneath, like he had just slid the shorts over top of them. He was shirtless, and she could see every muscular line in his chest and abdomen. Her eyes traced the taut muscles in his shoulders and down his arms before lifting back to that gorgeous face and those baby-blue eyes that were now staring back at her in shock. It was clear that he hadn’t been expecting to see her…maybe never again.

Their eyes locked on to each other, and it was like she didn’t even have to speak. It felt like he knew every thought in her head. This was her Jack.

“Lex,” he whispered.

“Can I come in?” she asked, her chest rising and falling in rhythm with her increased heartbeat.

Jack opened the door wider without a word and let her pass before him. It took everything she had not to just grab him, but she needed to talk to him first. She wanted to be rational about all of this…before he made her lose all her senses.

“I didn’t…I didn’t think you’d come back,” he said honestly.

Jack could never hide anything from her.

“I know,” she said.

It hurt her to think about what he had thought when she had left…when she hadn’t come back. She didn’t want to hurt him like that again.

“You issued an ultimatum last night…”

“I can’t keep doing this, Lexi,” Jack said immediately. “I want you. All of you. I want you so bad right now that I’m shaking to find control.”

Lexi smiled faintly. He still thought she was deciding.

“Jack, you’ve never made me decide. You always just…wanted me however you could have me. Why is this time any different?”

Jack closed his eyes and shook his head, walking a pace away from her. “I thought I explained last night. When you walked out of the wedding, I knew it was the end. I knew I had finally pushed you away…irreconcilably broken. But you broke me that day, too…in the best possible way. When I said I never wanted to hurt you again and I just wanted to see you happy, I meant it. I’ve been working for that these past couple of years. I’ve been giving you what you wanted. But I’m officially getting divorced in a few short weeks, and the thought of not fighting to be the person who makes you happy, to be the man who you come home to…well, I couldn’t live with myself. Because you’re what I want.”

He took a deep breath, and their eyes met again.

“And if I’m not what you want, then…just put me out of my misery.”

“Oh, Jack,” Lexi groaned, closing the distance between them and wrapping her arms around his waist. “You’re what I want. You’re all I want.”

Jack stood frozen, like he couldn’t believe what she had just said. She pulled back to look into his eyes, which were clouded over.

“What about Ramsey?” he asked, his voice hoarse.

“I already talked to him,” she said, letting Jack go and showing him her left hand. “I told him it was over—that I couldn’t keep the ring because I already had one.”

He stared down at her hand, blatant shock on his face. He had thought that last night was the last one they would have together. He had clearly believed that that it was over…that the woman he had loved for ten years was going to walk out of his life forever. And he had been willing to let her go…if that were what she wanted.

He drew her left hand into his with a smirk and planted his lips ever so softly onto her ring finger. “Damn right, you do.”

She closed her eyes with a sigh right before his lips crashed down on top of hers. Their lips melded together with the ease of two people who had spent ten years fighting to be together. He tasted and smelled and felt exactly how she remembered. Every sense was heightened, and she knew then that she could drown in this right here. This was right. It was sweet perfection, hypnotic energy, euphoric adrenaline pumping down through her veins.

Her hands moved up to tangle into his dark brown hair, and she tugged on the strands, pulling him closer to her, trying to feel all of him, as his tongue explored her mouth. He groaned into her mouth as she yanked a bit too hard, but his grip just tightened on her waist where he had moved aside her shirt and dug his fingers into her warm flesh.

“I love you,” he got out between kisses. “I love you so much.”

She pressed their bodies further together, and she could feel the heat coming off his body, superheating her skin and leaving her body aching.

“I love you, too. I always have…”

“And I always will,” he finished for her.

He slid his hands over her ass and down the backs of her thighs before hoisting her legs up and around his waist. He started walking back to the bedroom without even breaking their kiss…and she damn well was not going to stop him.

Her back collided with the hallway wall, and the breath left her lungs in a whoosh. He grabbed her shirt in his hands and started unbuttoning each button as his lips landed on her cheek, her neck, her collarbone.

“Fuck,” he groaned as the buttons didn’t give easily.

He grabbed the front of her shirt with both hands and yanked, the buttons popping off all the way down to her navel. She shrieked in surprise, which immediately turned into a giggle.

“God, you’re beautiful.”

“And I’m not even angry,” she said.

His hand trailed from the base of her throat to the curve of her breasts and dipped under the thin lace material. She arched her back against his touch and felt her body demanding his attention.

“But I’m going to be if you don’t get me to the bedroom.”

“What? I can’t take my time?” he asked, pushing aside the bra and bringing his lips to her erect nipple.

She moaned openly, wanting nothing more than for him to do whatever the hell he wanted. But her body was not agreeing as it pulsed all around her.

“Take your time on round two,” she got out breathily.

Jack looked up at her with a smirk. Those blue eyes were crystal clear and devilish as sin, and they were all fucking hers.

“I love the way you think.”

She bit her lip as he moved her farther down the hallway, and with his toe, he kicked the bedroom door all the way open. He dropped her down onto the bed, and his body covered hers immediately. She felt every inch of their bodies pressed together. He was hard through his thin shorts, and she demandingly wiggled her hips against him. She wanted to feel him buried deep inside her. She wanted him to take her, to claim her. She wanted to be his…all his. Her mind was lost in this moment, knowing that they were here and together and had a future. It was everything she could have asked for and more.

He stripped her out of her clothes and tossed his shorts and boxers to the floor before returning to her. She ran her hands down each and every ab to the V that trailed even lower as he settled between her legs.

“Lex,” he whispered as he dropped forward on his forearms and kissed her lips softly.

She slid her tongue along his bottom lip and lifted her hips to touch herself against his dick. He leaned forward at the movement and pushed against her but not quite in. She moaned, her eyes fluttering closed, with desire for this moment…this man.

“Hey, look at me,” he said.

Lexi opened her eyes and stared up into the blue depths of the man she loved.

“I want to watch you. I want to see your heart when I’m inside you,” he whispered huskily.

“My heart belongs to you,” she told him. “You took it a long time ago and never gave it back.”

“And I’m never going to,” he said. He kissed her lips again softly before burying himself deep into her.

She groaned at the feel of him as he stretched and filled her. Her eyes started to close, but he shook his head and kept staring down at her with so much love and affection she thought her heart might burst.

He loved her. Jack loved her.

Their pace matched each other like they had never been apart…like the years hadn’t changed a damn thing. And in that moment, as their bodies met again and again, it felt like nothing had changed. They were still very much in love, their bodies completely and perfectly in tune, and the years of separation seemed like a lifetime ago. It felt like this was exactly how it was always supposed to be, and they would do everything in their power to keep it just like this.

Lexi’s breathing picked up, as Jack thrust into her. Her walls tightened all around him, and she tossed her head back, desperate for the release teetering on the brink.

“Lex, you don’t have to ever hold back with me,” he whispered into her ear as his pace quickened. “I’m always going to come with you.”

She pushed against him, harder and harder, until she knew that she couldn’t hold on to anything for another second. He groaned and thrust into her one more time as they both exploded, and her world seemed to shift out from under her.

All along, she had thought that Jack tilted her world off axis, but maybe she had been wrong. Maybe the rest of the world was off axis, and Jack was absolutely, perfectly right. Because nothing else on this world or any other could ever make her feel so utterly wonderful, could shatter every notion of what she should be feeling, and could leave her in a puddle of delirious happiness.

He pulled out and collapsed onto the bed next to her, wrapping an arm around her waist and not letting her move an inch. “You…are the most…amazing woman I have…ever met,” he said as he struggled for breath.

She snuggled into his chest and rested her head on his arm. A sheen of sweat coated both of their bodies. Her hair was a rat’s nest of messy curls. And she was the happiest she had been in as long as she could remember.

“It was always different with you,” she whispered.

“Always,” Jack agreed.

“Better.”

“Definitely.”

He buried his head in her neck and kissed across the sensitive skin. Goose bumps broke out across her arms and down her chest. He laughed lightly and brought his hand up to follow the bumps down between her breasts. Her skin flushed under his hands, and she felt her heart rate picking up.

God, she loved him.

He adjusted her, so she was facing him, and their lips found each other again, slow and sensual. In that moment, she felt like she could kiss him forever. There was nowhere else she would rather be than locked away with Jack right now.

Before releasing her, he nibbled lightly on her bottom lip, sucking it into his mouth and drawing it back between his teeth. She pushed her hands back into his hair, loving how his breathing hitched when she grasped on to him.

“Tease,” she whispered.

“I said I’d take my time on round two,” Jack said, running his mouth down the hollow of her throat and nipping at her skin lightly.

Their bodies melded together, and she felt him stiffen against her stomach.

“You’re ready already?” she asked eagerly.

She was surprised but excited. It wasn’t like Jack was always a one-and-done kind of guy. But already? Without even a break?

“Love, I’ve been missing out on this for years. I have a lot of catching up to do.”

And so, they savored each other’s bodies and the reuniting of their love.

Jack rolled Lexi over, on top of him, and she laid her chest across his body, feeling heated skin against skin. His hands moved up into her hair and tugged it as teasingly as she had. It was bliss.

She might have been on top, but when he moved up into her, there was no question that they were sharing control over the situation. She temptingly circled her hips in figure eights around him, causing him to groan, and his grip on her hair tightened.

Not able to take her teasing anymore, his hand landed heavy on her ass, and he started working her hips up and down on him until she felt herself losing control again. She couldn’t slow down or stop what was beating through her body, and if they kept up this pace, then she was going to lose it sooner rather than later.

Jack saw it in her eyes, and the smirk on his face told her that there was no way he was going to keep her from the orgasm about to rocket through her body.

“Oh fuck,” she said, burying her face in his chest, as she came unhinged all around him.

He waited for her to finish before rolling her onto her back and burying himself into her once more. He hoisted one of her legs up onto his shoulders, leveraging her body to get deeper.

“God, my little gymnast’s body,” he murmured into her ear.

She smiled through her satiated haze as he pumped faster and faster, bringing her blissfully to the brink again. She couldn’t believe that she was already there, but with the way he was pushing, she knew that she wasn’t the only one. They came together a second time, soaring far, far away and crashing back down into each other.

Lexi closed her eyes, letting the moment wash over her.

She let her breathing even out. “I thought you were going to take your time.”

“Are you complaining?”

“Definitely not.”

“Good. I’ll take it slow for round three,” he said, pushing her hair back out of her face.

“I might not be awake for that,” she said groggily.

“I’ll wake your body up,” he whispered seductively.

“You always do.”

She could feel herself slipping into a sex coma of record proportions. All of the exhaustion and anxiety had been wiped away and had been replaced by this incredible peace. And she knew she could sleep away the next couple of days, wrapped in Jack’s comforting arms.

“Hey,” he whispered, brushing his nose against hers.

“Mmm…”

“I love you.”

Lexi smiled and opened her eyes to stare up into the most beautiful blue eyes she had ever seen. “I love you, too.”

“I still can’t believe you’re here,” he admitted.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“I didn’t think you were going to be coming back.”

She trailed her hand down the side of his face and gave him a soft kiss on the mouth. “I can’t live without you. It was you. It was always you.”