Текст книги "Avoiding Temptation"

Автор книги: K. A. Linde

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Текущая страница: 16 (всего у книги 27 страниц)

She hadn’t been able to hold in the tears. God, she hated that. But they came to her anyway, and she buried her head into her hands, trying to force them to stop.

Chyna sighed, and Lexi felt the couch dip in when Chyna sat down next to her. She rubbed Lexi’s back, and they let her tears run their course.

“I think the problem isn’t that you can’t forget your past. It’s that you don’t really want to,” Chyna spoke finally.

“What?” Lexi asked, swiping the back of her hand against her cheek.

“Your past shapes who you are as a person. It’s made you into the person you are today. Jack left his mark on you, and Ramsey left his mark on you. Scars can last forever.”

“I know that it shaped me, but that doesn’t mean I can’t change.”

“Of course you can change,” Chyna said, clearly trying to hold in her usual cattiness. “Everyone can change, and I think you have. I just think that the one thing you haven’t changed is running from the things you want. It’s like you think you’re not good enough, like you don’t deserve the world and more—but you do.”

Lexi brushed off Chyna and stood. She made a full circuit of the living room before making up her mind about what she wanted to say.

“You tell me all of this—you say that I run from what I want, that I deserve more, but I don’t know what else I could do to make that a reality. I’ve pushed myself completely into this relationship. I moved to Atlanta. We moved in together. We’ve gone through highs and lows, ups and downs, sideways and back ways—”

“I don’t need to hear about your sex life,” Chyna said, arching an eyebrow suggestively.

Lexi chuckled but continued on, “I’m just saying that I have tried everything and more to make this relationship work. Doesn’t that prove that’s what I want? Doesn’t that prove that I deserve to have some semblance of peace and happiness?”

“You’ve put everything into this relationship?” Chyna asked softly.

“Yes!” Lexi cried, exasperated.

“Then, just answer my one question,” Chyna said, moving to stand directly before Lexi. “Why haven’t you been able to let Jack go? Through all of this…he’s still here.”

“I’ve let him go. We’re just friends.”

“He told you he loved you and wanted to take you home with him. I don’t have friends like that.”

“Are you trying to push me toward Jack? He got married! He married Bitch Bekah!”

“And now, he’s divorcing her! I’m not saying that you have to run back to Jack…again. I’m just telling you to think about your life, Alexa. I’m telling you to be a grown-up and realize that some of what you’re going through might just be your own fucking fault! You might love Ramsey and have put everything into this relationship, but you’re only fooling yourself when you keep saying that you and Jack are just friends,” Chyna said, pushing Lexi’s shoulder in a rage. “I think that’s what pisses me off the most. You can have it, have all of it, what everyone searches for, but you do everything in your power to fight it!”

Lexi sagged visibly, feeling the weight of Chyna’s words. “I don’t know how to do anything else.”

Pushing open the door as quietly as possible, Lexi eased into the apartment she shared with Ramsey. She had bumped up her flight from New York and taken the red-eye back that night. Chyna had tried to get her to stay longer, but Lexi knew where she needed to be tonight. She had taken off the weekend to work with Chyna on wedding plans, but Lexi really needed to be here, working on things with Ramsey.

She needed to see him, to touch him, to hold him, to remember why she loved him so damn much. She didn’t normally need that reminder. She didn’t have to be around him at all times to feel those three-and-a-half years envelop her like a blanket. But tonight—well, tonight was different. Chyna had made her all topsy-turvy, and she wanted to be right-side up again. She wanted her initial gut reaction, the one she had been saying over and over again for three years, to be instinctual, to always be at the tip of her tongue. She didn’t want to think about anything else. That was what she wanted.

In that moment, she didn’t care if she was lying to herself about it.

She shut and locked the door behind her and then tiptoed upstairs through the darkened apartment. She had left her bags in her car since she didn’t want to have to haul them upstairs in the middle of the night. All she wanted was to see Ramsey.

Her feet carried her to the end of the hallway. She stood in front of the closed door to their bedroom and took a deep breath before pushing it open.

Ramsey was lying on his side of the bed, curled in, facing where her body normally lay next to him. He looked so calm with the covers falling half off his bare muscular torso. She smiled at the familiar picture—one that she had grown accustomed to and taken for granted. She got to sleep next to him every night. Even when she staggered into bed, exhausted, she still felt the warmth of his embrace and the acceptance between them. Those were the things that mattered.

Lexi easily stripped out of everything but her underwear and crawled into bed, next to him. He didn’t even stir as the bed dipped under her weight. Moving forward, she pressed her chest against him and then her whole body. Without even opening his eyes, his arm came around her, holding her gently in place against his body.

She trailed her hand up the definition in his six-pack, to his built chest, up his neck, and then to the strong jawline. At first, her lips landed on his lightly, but then her increasingly demanding kisses began rousing him from slumber.

His fingers digging into her back was the first indication that he had awoken, and then his lower half pressed into her before finally his lips parted to let her tongue inside his mouth. They kissed passionately, desperately, as she fed him every emotion locked away in her body. He didn’t hold back either as he began a slow grind against her. She could feel him stiffening through the thin layer of clothes separating them.

“Baby,” Ramsey growled against her mouth, rolling her over and pressing her firmly into the bed.

“Mmhmm…”

“You’re home early.”

“I needed you,” she said, giving him the most honest answer she had.

She needed the physical connection now more than ever before. She needed the reminder tonight that she was making the right choice.

“I love to hear that,” he groaned. He spread her thighs and eased down between them, continuing to grind against her.

“Make love to me,” she all but whimpered as his cock pushed against the thin material of her underwear.

Removing their last layer of clothes, Ramsey settled back down between her legs and took her for his own. She felt him pull back and meet her again and again, and she tried to keep her mind in the here and now.

This was what she wanted. She wanted to have this feeling, to know he was hers and she was his. To feel him and know that she was going to have this for the rest of her life…that this was what she wanted for longer than that.

She could feel him straining to release, and her walls were tightening around him, quaking at his measured thrusts.

She loved this man.

She fucking loved this man.

They might have their problems, but every couple had problems. She could get past everything that had happened. She could deal with the problems they had faced, like she had been since the beginning. Because here and now…was the right decision.

She wasn’t going to fight him on this.

And she didn’t as he pushed her over the edge, sending waves of pleasure from her core to the very tips of her fingers. She closed her eyes, savoring that feeling, and then she let her body relax back into the bed. Ramsey collapsed over her before pulling out.

“I love you,” he said.

He kissed her lips and then slid off the bed to head into the bathroom.

Her endorphins spiked and then released. It was like she was hitting the bottom of a sugar high. She rolled over and buried her face into the pillow.

If this was how she was supposed to feel, then why did she have to keep reminding herself she was happy?

Atlanta was a bustle with tourists throughout the holiday season. Traffic clustered the interstates, the malls were packed with Christmas shoppers, and everywhere Lexi went, the city was full of Christmas cheer. It was unseasonably cold for the South. These low temperatures didn’t normally hit until the end of January or early February, and they lasted only a few weeks at most. She was surprised to be constantly clad in her New York attire of sweaters, knee-high boots, and peacoats. She loved the layers, but she was already missing the summer.

The law firm had given her two weeks off around Christmas, and she had no idea what to do with herself. Last Christmas, she’d had three days off. She figured the extra time off came from paying her dues…or maybe they had just seen how much of a wreck she had been recently. It certainly didn’t help when her relationship woes had made it into the news.

When Elisa had been hauled out of Opera that night two months ago, she had been arrested for trespassing. The local Atlanta news had reported on the event, including a picture of Ramsey and Elisa together outside of the venue. It had been all sorts of humiliating.

His father had been worried about the backlash against the company and ran a series of press releases, trying to do minimize the damage. But aside from the embarrassment, it hadn’t done anything to the medical wing. In fact, it seemed to get the word out even more, and the new building was flooded with people. Lexi just hoped the company didn’t try to use personal scandals to get more business after this.

The one benefit from all of this was that Ramsey had been incredibly chill about everything in her life. Going to lunch with Jack was no big deal. Spending time with Brandon didn’t irk him. She didn’t know if he had just let go of his concerns or if he just didn’t want to put her through anything else after that. She wanted to believe that he trusted her, so that was what she was going with.

Either way, it was a relief not to have to worry so much. Ramsey had always said that he didn’t care about Jack and Brandon or anyone else as long as they kept their hands to themselves, but she had never really believed him. After that incident with Elisa when Lexi had been left standing in the middle of Opera with a glass of vodka poured on her, then Jack saving her from Bekah, and no one but Cierra and Parker to look after her—well, things had changed.

And it seemed that the change was needed.

Even when she had hung out with people when Ramsey had said he didn’t care, she had still felt like she was tiptoeing around him in some ways—but not anymore. It was like someone had flipped a light switch.

So, when John called her out of the blue, she actually answered the phone. If Ramsey was going to be cool about everyone else, then surely, she had nothing to hide regarding John.

“There’s a name I haven’t seen on my phone in a while,” Lexi said when she answered.

“Babe, I’ve missed your voice,” John said seductively.

“You don’t strike me as a man who wants a talkative woman,” she joked.

“Just you.”

“Oh, ha-ha!” Lexi rolled her eyes. The man never gave up. “What did you really call me about?”

“It’s cute how you think I’m joking.”

“It’s cute that you think I’m that oblivious.”

John chuckled through the phone. “I don’t, not at all. I’m actually just coming into Atlanta for the weekend. Bridges kept me on for the main contact for the medical wing, and they’re due for a sixty-day inspection checkup. I heard that you had the week off, and I wanted to see if you’d be interested in keeping me company.”

“How the hell do you know if I have the week off?” Lexi asked, sitting up straighter. Christ, how did he always know things about her?

“You do, don’t you?”

“Yes, but how do you know?”

“That hardly matters.”

“It’s just weird that you always know these things. Who do you talk to? Is it Adam or something?” Lexi probed.

“Do you just not want to spend time with me? Is that why you’re stalling?” he asked with a laugh. “I hardly believe that, or you wouldn’t have picked up my call.”

“Don’t try to change the subject.”

“Or is it your boyfriend who doesn’t want you hanging out with me? Is he trying to avoid another company scandal like his big fuck-up with that Elisa chick? Shouldn’t he have known better than to go outside with her that night?” John asked, tsking softly under his breath.

Lexi ground her teeth together. Elisa. Just the name brought bile to her throat in these circumstances. She was a step below Bekah on the hatred scale.

“You’re not making your case at the moment,” Lexi grumbled.

“So, it is the boyfriend then?”

“No,” she snapped. “Ramsey doesn’t care who I hang out with because he doesn’t have anything to worry about.”

“Of course he doesn’t, babe,” he said.

She could almost see his smirk.

“Then, you’ll have no reservations about spending some time with me while I’m in Atlanta, all alone, right before Christmas.”

And that was how Lexi ended up touring the Bridges medical wing with John the week before Christmas. It had been fully functional for just over two months now, and as far as Lexi could tell, it was running smoothly. Ramsey didn’t complain half as much as he used to before it had opened, so she assumed things had fallen easily into place.

John was in a crisp black suit and black tie when he met her outside of the glass front entrance to the Bridges medical wing. By the look of the suit, his work for Bridges was paying off handsomely. Years back, Chyna had taught her how to pick out an expensive suit, and Lexi would put her money on a Fifth Avenue boutique.

She had dressed more casually in an oversized cream sweater paired with a burgundy skirt, patterned tights, and knee-high caramel riding boots. She had a navy knit infinity scarf wrapped around her neck twice, and her long brown hair hung loose. Her hands were stuffed into the long sleeves of her sweater as she jogged up to John. Her cheeks and nose were pink from the wind, and she shivered.

“Inside,” she said in greeting and then walked toward the building.

He laughed and caught up to her easily. “This is not cold weather.”

“You told me that last year, and it didn’t matter then.”

“Wow…was that a year ago?” he mused aloud.

Lexi nodded. It was hard to believe that it had been a year and a half since she had walked out of Jack’s wedding, since she and Ramsey had worked things out, since she had told John that they couldn’t date. It was a bit surreal that they were all in her life still in some capacity.

As much as John knew about her life, she never asked him about his. She tried to keep it as professional as possible. He always tried to cross that line just a little bit at every interaction, but she never tried. She wondered if she should ask him about his life, but then she stopped herself. What good would that do? He would just think that she had taken a renewed interest. He took that from everything she did.

But she was curious. It wasn’t like he was actively pursuing her, but he still was trying to see her when he was in town. That made her think that he wasn’t dating anyone seriously. She hated when her curiosity got the better of her.

Lexi blew on her hands as she walked into the hospital. She wished she had brought her coat with her. She hadn’t wanted to have to carry it around with her though in case Cierra wasn’t there to let her stash it.

“Need me to warm you up?” John asked, coming up behind her.

“No, thank you.” She jumped away from him, and her eyes darted around the cavernous entrance room.

Ramsey knew that she was coming into the hospital today, but she hadn’t been sure when they were actually going to arrive, so she hadn’t let him know the specific time. He really could be anywhere inside, but she hoped that they ran into him. Maybe she should just text him.

She fingered her phone in the pocket of her skirt, but then she decided against it. If he knew she was already here, then he would come seek her out. She preferred to avoid awkwardness at all costs. John, after all, was the man who she had slept with after she had broken up with Ramsey. He might say he was okay with it and even act like it, but she sure didn’t like standing between them.

“This way,” John said, motioning her toward the elevators.

“What’s the plan?”

“Haven’t you wanted to walk every floor in the building?”

“No. Not really,” she said honestly.

“No, me either. So, we’ll skip some. Pop in here and there, and scare people half to death.”

“You should have brought a clipboard,” Lexi said.

“We’ll nab someone else’s.”

They hopped onto the elevator, and John chose a floor seemingly at random. She was sure that he had detailed instructions about what he was supposed to be doing, but he hadn’t shared that with her. That was fine by her. She didn’t want to know any more about the inner workings of the medical wing than she already did from living with the person who had started the company over a year ago.

They wandered up and down the hallways, talking about trivial things. He would stop to talk to people in various rooms, and she would wait outside for the few minutes that he would be inside. She did a lot of people-watching and felt a bit like she was watching a television hospital drama with all the people chatting and wandering between disasters—not to mention, the obvious love interests.

John announced that they were halfway through, and they stopped for a minute, so she could pick up some coffee. She wasn’t sure why she was tired…or maybe she was just craving her coffee. Either way, the bitter taste was the pick-me-up she needed. Also, the liquid gave her courage to actually ask John the questions she’d had at the back of her mind.

“So, are you seeing anyone?” Lexi asked, blowing on her coffee.

“Why? Are you still interested?”

“Nope. I have Ramsey. I was simply curious.”

John looked at her sideways, assessing her, before answering, “Nothing serious.”

“So, you are seeing someone! What’s she like? Is she putting up a fight?” Lexi asked with a giggle.

She didn’t know why she found this amusing. It could just be because he always made fun of her about Ramsey. She just couldn’t hold it in.

“I’m not seeing anyone,” he told her stiffly.

“But you are or else you wouldn’t be acting like this.”

“I also wouldn’t be here with you, would I?”

Lexi snorted. “Yes!”

“Well, I know you’re worried, but you can stop. It’s not serious. Just something fun,” he said, raising his eyebrows.

“Uh-huh. So, what is she like? What does a girl have to do to hold your interest?”

“I’m looking at it,” he said, staring her down.

Lexi’s cheeks heated at the comment, but she pushed forward. “Are you saying that she’s like me?”

“No, she’s nothing like you. That’s why it’s not serious.”

Lexi didn’t know what to say to that. It had been a year and a half since they’d had any kind of sexual relationship. Sure, it had been a great month together, but she had stood her ground and put it behind her. If she could manage to be friends with Jack, then she could do anything.

Surely, all of John’s antics were more funny than serious. He was a man in a place of immense power. He’d graduated with a Harvard MBA, worked at Global, and had his own loft in the city. She just couldn’t see him pining after anyone—not when there were a million women in the city who he could chase after.

“Well, I hope she changes your mind, erm…proves you wrong,” Lexi said.

“It’s doubtful.”

“I’m sure you can find someone else to keep you occupied fairly easily.”

“Oh, I’m sure,” John said confidently. “There’s always another fish in the sea and all that. Is that what you’re trying to say?”

“I mean, not…exactly.”

“I’m the last person who needs your pity.”

“I wasn’t trying—”

John turned and grabbed her hand. “Come with me. I want to show you something.”

Lexi was so surprised by the abrupt change in the conversation that she just followed him down the hall. She hadn’t meant to come across as pitying him. She certainly didn’t look down on him for not having a girlfriend or for not settling down. To each his own for whatever lifestyle he wanted. Of all people, she definitely wasn’t the model for how to go about relationships. It wasn’t her place to judge, and she hoped he didn’t think that.

“Where are we going?” Lexi finally asked after they had taken the elevator to another floor and had rounded a corner to another hallway.

“I’ll show you.”

Lexi bit her lip, a sinking feeling settling into her stomach. She didn’t know where it had come from or what had made her apprehensive, but it just stuck in her gut. She tucked a lock of hair behind her ear reflexively and continued to follow him down the hallway.

They stopped at a closed door. John knocked twice, and when no one answered, he opened the door and ushered her inside.

“What—” she began but then stopped when she saw where they were.

They were in a relatively small room with two bunk beds and a small computer desk.

“Where are we?”

“This is the on-call room,” he said, sliding his hands down her arms.

Lexi jumped when he touched her, and she pulled away from him.

“It’s for doctors to sleep or relax when they’re on-call in the hospital.”

“Oh,” she peeped. Her heart was accelerating as she stared at the small room. She didn’t know how true hospital shows really were, but this was frequently shown as the room where all the doctors had sex. She wanted to laugh it off, but she didn’t feel like laughing in that moment. She felt anxious.

“You know that night when you told me that I didn’t compare to your ex…to Jack. You said that you gave it up easy, but you didn’t do commitment,” John said, walking toward her.

Lexi took a step away from him. “I didn’t say that…exactly,” she whispered, wondering where he was going with this.

“I think you did. And I’m a bit confused by a couple of things,” he said. “Would you care to explain a few things to me?”

“Um…sure,” she said, taking another hesitant step backward. She didn’t know what he was going to ask her, but her unease was peaking.

“You dated Jack a long time, right?”

“Um…no. We’ve never dated actually.”

“But you were together.”

“Well, not exactly.”

“Sleeping together,” John offered.

“Um…yeah.”

“And you’ve been dating Ramsey now for over two years?”

“Yeah. Two and a half.”

“That seems pretty committed to me.” John arched an eyebrow.

“I just said that getting me to commit is the hard part…not impossible.”

“Committed to Ramsey and still seeing Jack though, right?” John asked, stepping into her again.

Lexi took a few more steps to put distance between them again. Brushing her hair behind her ear, she glanced away and tried to wrap her mind around where John was going with this. What did any of it matter to him? And why did he look so angry? His hazel eyes were dark under his thick black lashes, and his body was stiff where he was normally relaxed.

“Jack and I are just friends. We’re not seeing each other. I don’t know what you’re trying to prove in this conversation, but I think we should leave,” Lexi said, trying for her best courtroom voice.

“You’re friends with someone you slept with since college?” he asked incredulously.

“Yes, some people do learn to grow up,” she spat back. Then, it hit her. “How do you know about me and Jack? I haven’t told you about our relationship. Who did you talk to? How do you keep finding all of this out?”

John just shrugged.

“Why do you want to know all of this anyway?” she asked. “What do you gain from it?”

John strode forward quickly, and Lexi took another unsteady step backward. Her back hit the wall, and he hovered close over her. She held her breath as he stood there. A million scenarios went through her mind at once.

She didn’t want whatever he was offering. She liked him, and they got along, but he also put her on edge. Most of the time, it was because of the physical attraction that was still there between them but not at this moment. This felt different. She could feel the physical need simmering underneath it all, but there was something else there that she couldn’t quite put her finger on.

“I told you once that I wasn’t going to play fair. You don’t play fair, so I wasn’t going to. The more that I found out about you, Lexi, just proves that you’ve never played fair—leading Jack on for years and forcing Ramsey to be around Jack. All the while berating Ramsey for being around Parker when you’re around Jack.”

“What is the point of all this?” she snapped. “Don’t judge me for the life I live! You don’t know what I’ve gone through to get here, and I’m perfectly capable of making my own decisions.”

“Walk away from it all.”

Lexi’s eyes bulged at the comment. Where the hell had that come from? Walk away from her life? From the life she had fought tooth and nail for?

Was he mentally insane?

There was no way that she was going to walk away from Ramsey. They had their ups and downs, but he was the real deal, the sure thing. As long as Elisa was behind them and she could trust him around Parker, then they would be fine.

And Jack…

Well, Jack, she had finally made peace with. They were friends. Just friends. Nothing else. Not ever again.

She wasn’t going to give that up now that it was finally working. She never thought that she would be able to call Jack her friend in any real sense. The sexual tension between them had always been too palpable, but they had made it work. And she needed him.

“Walk away from what? My life?”

“Just leave it all behind,” he said softly. He looked like he wanted to reach out and touch her, but he didn’t.

“I can’t leave my life behind. Do you know how crazy that sounds? I just want to get out of here,” she said, pushing against his chest to try to walk past him.

John caught her wrists and pulled her in against him. The breath whooshed out of her lungs as her chest collided with him roughly.

“I’m offering you an out. You want to get away. I want you to get away with me. Come back to New York. Hang out with Chyna. Spend time with me.”

Lexi shook her head back and forth and tried to wrench her hands back from him. “No. You can’t tell me to give up my life because you want to date me. I already told you no…a year and a half ago. Now, let me go!”

“Why do you fight like this?”

“Because you’re hurting me,” she said, gesturing to where he still held her in place.

John released her, and she pushed back against his chest again.

“I told you no. I’m sorry that you can’t accept no, but my answer hasn’t changed. I love Ramsey. I’m dating Ramsey.”

“Do you want to marry him? You said you’re not the marrying type…is he?” John asked.

“That’s none of your business. You seem to know everything else about my life. How come you don’t know the answer to that question?”

“I already know he is. I just want you to see how wrong you are together.”

“And what?” she asked angrily. “To prove that we’re right for each other? You prove that with actions, not words.”

“Then, let me prove it. You’re going to look back on this moment and regret not taking the out. I can see it all over you. I know you, Lexi,” John told her.

She stepped around him. “We were talking for a total of one month. We had sex once. We might have hung out since you were working on the Bridges hospital, but I’m not walking away, and I’m not going to regret it.”

Lexi turned and walked toward the door. She couldn’t believe she had just had this conversation. The audacity of that man to actually say these things to her—to try to convince her to give up Ramsey, her friendship with Jack, her life in Atlanta for something with him in New York—and the very idea of it all was outrageous.

John stalked after her, keeping her from the door. “I’m not saying walk away because of me. I’m saying walk away with me. We could very well fall to pieces in a couple of months, but at least you would know. You wouldn’t be doing this run-of-the-mill thing to satisfy anyone else but yourself.”

“And how do you know that I’m doing this for anyone else but me?” she asked, crossing her arms over her chest. “You think that I decided to love Ramsey because he wanted me to? That I decided to move in with Ramsey because he wanted me to? That I decided to be friends with Jack because he wanted to? I’m pretty sure I had a say in all of that!”

John laughed softly and shook his head. He actually looked distraught from her speaking. “The fact that you’ve deluded yourself into thinking that is the saddest part of all of this,” he said, forcefully opening the door and walking out into the hallway.

Lexi stormed after him, ready to give him a piece of her mind. John stopped short just out of the door, and she faced him, ready to yell at him some more, but then she got a good look at what had made him stop.

Ramsey and Parker were standing only a few feet from the on-call room. They were talking to each other but were walking straight toward Lexi and John. When Lexi had stormed out of the on-call room, Ramsey and Parker had both looked up at her.

Fuck!

No way did this look good. She was all angry and flustered because of the conversation she had just had with John, and now, she had to deal with this. Ramsey was in a suit, as usual, but Parker was dressed in scrubs with her hair up in a messy ponytail. Walking away in that moment didn’t sound so bad.

“Lexi,” Ramsey said, “I didn’t know you were at the hospital already.”

She knew that she should have texted him to let him know that she was here, but she had planned to do it when she was done, so she could spend time with him. Now, she had been caught walking out of the room known for where doctors had sex. Just fantastic.

“Yeah, I got here a while ago. We’ve just been wandering the hallways as John does his report.”

“Part of his inspection was in the on-call room?” Ramsey asked, keeping his voice even.

But Lexi could see that he wasn’t pleased.

Parker forced a stilted laugh. “I’m sure it was nothing.”

They all stood there awkwardly in the minute of silence. Lexi wasn’t sure what to say. She knew Ramsey would be pissed if he knew what John had been saying to her. She figured the extent of Ramsey acting cool with her being friends with these men extended only as long as they kept their distance. John had crossed that boundary. No, it was more like he had hurdled the line at a full sprint.