Текст книги "Avoiding Temptation"

Автор книги: K. A. Linde

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Текущая страница: 15 (всего у книги 27 страниц)

Lexi and Ramsey made their way over to his family crowded together. She wasn’t sure what his parents thought of her. Sometimes, they acted like they thought she was nice, but more often than not, they acted like she was this weird growth that had appeared at their son’s side. She wasn’t sure what she had to do to get their approval or if anything would ever be enough. Maybe if she started working for Bridges as an attorney—no, she would rather die than give in to that!

“Ramsey! You’re finally here,” Bekah said with a big fake smile. “We thought maybe you were held up with Parker.”

Lexi glared at Bekah. Yes, she knew that Bekah was just trying to get a rise out of her, but damn, did Lexi want to throat-punch her for saying anything at all.

“Is Parker not here?” Ramsey asked.

“No, she hasn’t shown up yet either.”

“Yes, where is that Mackenson girl?” Ramsey’s father roared. “She was supposed to be here earlier, like you were.”

“I have no idea,” Ramsey said, shrugging his shoulders.

“She always has been a little flighty,” he mused. “At least I know that I can trust her to get a job done.”

Ramsey stared forward at his father, like he was a pig that had just sprouted wings and was about to fly around the room. His father didn’t give out compliments lightly, and to hear one about Parker and not directed at him must have been torturous. The clear implication in his father’s words was that he couldn’t always trust Ramsey. Even though he had done everything his father had wanted, Ramsey still had to deal with this type of behavior. Lexi wished they could just walk out.

“I’m sure she’ll be around,” Lexi said, leaning into Ramsey for support. “I’m going to go find the restroom. Come with me?”

“I have to stay here,” he said softly through gritted teeth. “Come back to me quickly.”

“Okay,” she said, wishing he had taken the out.

Lexi pulled Ramsey down to her by the front of his suit and kissed him on the mouth. He smiled against her lips as she showed him just how much he meant to her in that one motion. She pulled back marginally, and he was grinning like an idiot, looking down at her.

“I’ll be back soon.”

Lexi waited for him to nod before releasing him, and then she veered away from him to seek out the restroom. She glanced around at all the employees. She recognized so many, but there were far more she had never even seen before.

She found the restroom easily, but she took her time once she got in there. She didn’t really have to use the restroom, but she didn’t want it to seem like she had just disappeared for no reason. She washed her hands slowly and touched up her makeup before forcing herself to walk back out into the party.

Almost immediately, Lexi saw Cierra out of the corner of her eye and walked over to her, waving as she approached.

Cierra was in a short black sequined dress with high heels to match, and her boy toy was in a black suit with a skinny black tie. He was cute with a baby face, and he didn’t seem to see anything else in the room but Cierra. The girl was crazy if she didn’t think he looked at her like Ramsey did with Lexi.

“Hey, girl! You look fabulous!” Lexi said.

“Lexi! Thank you. You look great, too!” Cierra cried. “This is my man, Deon.”

“So nice to meet you,” Lexi said, taking his extended hand.

“Pleasure is all mine.”

He looked like he could be a basketball player. He was tall and skinny but still muscular. Lexi felt miniature next to his towering height.

“Are y’all having a good time so far?” Lexi asked.

“There’s an open bar,” Cierra observed. “I’m not sure the party can get much better than that.”

Lexi laughed. “Yeah, that’s a nice feature.”

“There you are,” Lexi heard someone say behind her right before she felt an arm wrap around her waist.

“Oh!” she said, trying to twist out of the embrace she hadn’t been expecting.

She turned in place and stared up into a pair of hazel eyes. She stopped squirming. Damn, that man was attractive.

“John,” she whispered.

“Lexi,” he said with a smug smirk. “It’s good to see you.”

Coming to her senses real quick, Lexi pulled out of his arms and stood up straight. She could feel Cierra’s and Deon’s eyes on her, but she couldn’t meet them.

“You, too. Have you met Cierra?” she asked, pulling them into the conversation. “She works at the medical wing.”

“Ah, I don’t believe I have,” he said, shaking her hand and then Deon’s.

“John works for Global. He was one of the people in charge of getting the hospital up and running in time,” Lexi explained.

“Wow, nice gig,” Cierra said, glancing at Lexi again.

“Well,” Lexi said awkwardly, “I’m glad y’all could make it. Come find me later.”

“All right, Lexi.” Cierra gave her a disapproving look.

For someone Lexi had known for only a few short weeks, she sure had Chyna’s stares down.

They left Cierra alone with her man, and Lexi and John wandered slowly toward Jessica, who looked stunning in a square-cut coral dress that hugged her frame to her knees before fanning out to the floor.

“You look…God, what’s the right word?” John said, eyeing her up and down appreciatively. “Stunning…radiant…”

She shook her head. “No need to continue. I get it. Thank you.”

John was in a light gray suit with a dark royal blue tie. Whatever cologne he was wearing tonight was musky and intoxicating. It made her head spin a little.

“I haven’t seen much of you lately,” he said.

“I’ve been busy.”

“Ah, with that Elisa girl?”

Lexi ground her teeth together. She knew that John would know about that. Everyone knew about it…but she really didn’t like to talk about it.

“I haven’t even thought about it,” she spat out.

“It’s just us. You don’t have to lie.”

“Look, I don’t really want to talk about it,” she said stiffly. “I should actually go find Ramsey now.”

“He’s just up there with Parker,” John said, gesturing to the front of the room.

Lexi’s head snapped up. God, she hadn’t been gone that long, had she? It shouldn’t have been a surprise to see her here…or them together, but it still was. Not to mention, Parker looked striking in the very casual, effortless way she always exuded.

She had on a forest-green dress with small swirls of black in it that accented her figure and slimmed her already trim form. The thin straps cut into a shapely V in the front before the dress dropped to pool at her feet. Standing next to Ramsey, it was clear she wasn’t wearing high heels because she still barely came up to his shoulder. Her brown hair was down, past her shoulders, and in a natural just-got-out-of-the-shower wavy style. Her freckles were evident against her pale skin, even from where Lexi was standing. The only true adornment that Parker wore was the bright cherry-red lipstick on her lips. Lexi had never really seen her in makeup before, and the lipstick made her look startlingly pretty.

“Is Ramsey’s tie green?” John asked into Lexi’s ear.

“Yes,” she said softly.

She hadn’t thought about it. His tie was green. They matched—again. Ugh!

“They’re so cute together, huh?”

“Not working,” she said, stabbing a finger into his chest. “And you can cut it out. Now.”

John laughed. “I was kidding around. Someone is defensive.”

“I’m not defensive. I’m just…you’re talking about things you don’t understand. So, it’s better if you keep your nose out of it.”

“Okay, okay. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you,” he said, reaching for her arm to stop her from walking away. “I was seriously just messing around.”

“Fine.”

“Are you excited for Chyna?” he asked, hitting on a topic he knew she would gush about.

“Of course I am! I can’t believe this is all happening for her.”

“Adam told me that you are the maid of honor.”

“That’s right,” Lexi said. As if there were another choice.

“Sounds like I get to walk you down the aisle then.”

“Oh,” she said, letting the words sink in. “You’re the best man.”

That should have been obvious, too, but for some reason, it hadn’t been.

“That’s right.”

“Just throw a better bachelor party for Adam than the last one I went to,” she said.

She saw the comment had thrown him off guard, and it made her smile.

“You’ve…been to a bachelor party?”

“And I thought you knew everything about me,” she said with a wink before turning and walking away. Let him mull over that one.

By the time she made it back to Ramsey’s side, his father had launched into a congratulatory speech, thanking everyone for being in attendance and for their dedication to the company.

It always came back to that.

Ramsey slung an arm around Lexi’s shoulders and smiled down at her lovingly. She caught Parker staring up at him, but when she noticed Lexi looking, she turned away abruptly. If Lexi weren’t so suspicious, it would almost make her feel bad for Parker…almost.

The speech concluded, and everyone applauded. Music filtered in through the speakers, and that was the signal for everyone to begin dancing. Ramsey handed her a drink, and she took a relaxing sip of it. This was how things were supposed to be—easy and relaxing.

Parker waved at her, but she didn’t come over and say hi. Instead, she turned and walked toward Bekah. Lexi didn’t blame her, and she was glad that Parker had gotten the hint.

“Dance with me?” Ramsey whispered.

Lexi nodded, setting her drink down on a table and falling into his arms. The music had a hip-hop beat, but they didn’t care as they swayed back and forth in each other’s arms. Lexi rested her head on Ramsey’s chest and closed her eyes, savoring the sweet smell of peppermint.

They stayed like that for three more dances before Ramsey was pulled away to discuss business with some associates who would be leaving soon. She remained at his side through the entire boring interaction though, and when he was finally able to walk away from them, he was carried into another conversation. They were swept around the room in a different kind of dance as they sought to accommodate all the guests who wanted his attention. The room started emptying out as the people who had to be into work the next day saw the hours ticking away. Ramsey said good-bye to one couple and then moved to say something to the person behind him, but he stopped dead in his tracks.

Lexi had been staring elsewhere, but she felt the shift in his mood immediately.

“What are you doing here, Elisa?” he growled.

Elisa. Fuck!

Lexi had never met her in person, and Elisa was every bit of what she had expected. She was average height, a couple of inches taller than Lexi, with bleached out blonde hair and a rail-thin frame. Lexi could see some of her ribs in her chest. Her lips were pinched together, and she looked like she might attack. How she had ever gotten inside wearing a skin-tight pink dress that barely touched the top of her thighs was beyond Lexi.

“How dare you not return any of my text messages or calls! How dare you threaten to sue me, Ramsey! How dare you say that all the things I said were a lie!” she said, rearing back and slapping him clear across the face.

The crack across his cheek silenced the people standing in their vicinity. The DJ blasting music through the speakers drowned the rest of the room out.

Lexi’s mouth dropped open at the sight, and Ramsey looked ready to backhand the girl right back.

Ramsey grabbed Lexi’s wrist and pulled her behind him slightly, blocking her view.

“Elisa, you need to get out of here now,” he said, his voice deathly serious.

“I’m not fucking leaving until you tell me what the fuck you’re going to do about all of this shit! My lawyer dropped me because of your fucking bullshit. He said he couldn’t prove that what I’d said was true, but fuck, I know that I had your dick up inside me without so much as a condom between us, baby. I had your cum inside me, and you fucking fired me as soon as you were done with me!” she shouted.

Lexi gasped—as did almost everyone else nearby. She tried to wiggle out of Ramsey’s death grip, but he wasn’t having any of it.

“Let’s get your facts straight,” Ramsey said through barely contained hatred. “You were a stripper. You took off your clothes for money. I never, ever would have touched you or any other girl in my establishments. You can ask Lola. You can ask any other stripper who worked for me. I wouldn’t go anywhere near you, especially without a condom.”

“You fucking say that now when you’re working for your daddy,” Elisa said with a snort. “In front of all these people who didn’t know who the fuck you were back then.”

“Oh my fucking God,” Lexi cried.

She yanked on her wrist, but Ramsey wouldn’t let go.

“Who is that? Your new pussy?” Elisa spat.

“Get out of here, or I’ll call the police.”

“Hiding your little kitty-cat from me? Afraid she’ll see the truth when we’re talking?” Elisa purred.

Lexi wiggled free in that moment and walked around Ramsey to glare at the bitch who had made her miserable for the past two months.

“Just leave,” Lexi said fiercely. “Just get out of here. You’re only embarrassing yourself. You’re fighting a losing battle, and the only thing you’re going to get out of this is a restraining order if not something more severe.”

“What? You think you’re a fucking attorney or something, kitty-cat?”

“Yes, actually, I am. And you’re nothing more than a stripper who got knocked-up by someone other than my boyfriend. You’re nothing more than an embarrassment. You can’t keep crying wolf and expecting people to take you seriously. My advice is to get far, far away from me, Ramsey, this facility, and the entire Bridges Enterprise, or we will take legal action,” Lexi said. “There are no ifs, ands, or buts about it. If you keep harassing us, then I’ll take you to court myself. And I don’t lose.”

“I bet you don’t,” Elisa said, rolling her eyes.

Lexi could see a shift in her demeanor, a sense of unease.

Elisa took a step back as if she were going to walk away peacefully, but then she grabbed a drink sitting on a nearby table and threw the liquid at Lexi. Luckily, it missed her face, but it landed all over her brand-new dress.

Lexi’s mouth dropped open in shock. Had Elisa really just thrown a drink at her? The liquid sank into the material, and Lexi felt sticky all over at once. Lexi knew almost immediately that the dress was ruined. Another expensive beautiful dress was ruined at a party…and this time, it wasn’t even for something fun.

People rushed forward as one. Parker was at her side, and then Cierra was there, too. A few other people ran over with napkins and towels to try to clean off the dress, but Lexi knew it was useless. When she glanced up, Ramsey was walking with two muscular bouncers. They had picked up Elisa, who was kicking and screaming, and they were now carrying her out of the building.

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” Lexi said, shaking people off of her.

But she wasn’t fine. Her hands were trembling with anger. She was trying desperately to hold it together in front of all these people.

Lexi walked over to a table and held her hand up to keep people at bay. Everyone stayed back, except for Bekah. For some unknown reason, she thought Lexi might actually want to talk to her. She had thought Bekah was the last person she wanted to see, but she was pretty sure that, for now, that spot was reserved was Elisa. Jack hovered just off Bekah’s side—not really involved but not really out of it. He didn’t seem to know where his place was.

“I can’t believe you treated her like that!” Bekah said.

“What?” Lexi cried.

She was covered in some type of liquor, and Bekah was chiding her for how she had acted?

“Ramsey had it under control. If you hadn’t said anything, she would have just left. Why do you always have to have the last word?”

Lexi’s mouth dropped open. “Are you joking?”

“Just because you can’t handle something that happened in Ramsey’s past doesn’t mean you can ruin the entire party with your antics,” Bekah threw the words at her.

They landed all over Lexi’s body like a punch to the gut.

“Why don’t you just shut the fuck up?” Lexi snapped.

She couldn’t hold back her anger—not now, not after what had happened with Elisa. Lexi visibly straightened and glared at Bekah. Lexi’s dress was soaking wet from the crazy lunatic who was trying to tear apart Ramsey, and Bekah had the gall to yell at Lexi.

Lexi just couldn’t take it.

“You didn’t even care that your fiancé had cheated on you before he proposed. You don’t get to be involved in this at all,” Lexi said, her voice barely above a whisper but so threatening that it might as well have been deadly. “So, why don’t you just go scamper off and worry about your marriage or something equally useless?”

Bekah’s eyes were on fire, and she was visibly seething. “You don’t get to talk to me like that, you little bitch. You weren’t good enough for Jack, and you’re certainly not good enough for my brother—”

“Bekah,” Jack snapped, moving in between them, “just leave her alone.”

“What?” Bekah nearly screeched. Her nose was scrunched up as she stared at Jack in shock.

“I said, leave her alone. You don’t need to attack her like this right now. It’s bad enough that someone wrongly accused Ramsey, and she’s dealing with the aftereffect. You don’t need to lay into her, too.”

Lexi and Bekah both just stared at Jack. When had he ever stood up against Bekah? When had he ever kept Lexi and Bekah from each other’s throats? Lexi didn’t know what to say to that. She just wanted to thank him because him speaking up had actually shut Bekah up…and that was all Lexi had wanted at this point.

“Come on, Bekah,” Jack said, taking her hand, “just walk away.”

So, she walked away.

And Lexi stood there, speechless.

How fast had she run out of that apartment?

Jack’s lips had hovered so close to hers. His eyes had been drunk with more than whiskey. She could practically hear his heart beating out of his chest. Or had that been hers? The heat rising between them had been like a blazing inferno threatening to overpower them both.

She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t look into those blue eyes and give in to the feelings he always stirred in her. They were friends now…just friends. And if he felt otherwise, then maybe she should stay away from him.

But her head knowing that didn’t seem to connect with the rest of her body begging and pleading with her to stay—just stay, just one moment, give in. Give in to that smirk, those eyes, the pheromone-spiking smell of sex, to the heat and desire and passion that consumed them inside and out. All she would have had to do was close her eyes. It would have been that simple.

Jack knew what she wanted. He had always known. And it would be no different now.

No different.

No…it certainly wouldn’t be different than any other time they had gambled their relationships away. No different than all the other times they had drawn a line in the sand only to cross it over and over and over again. No different than any of it.

“Then, I should go,” she had whispered into the stillness.

His hand had come down hard on the doorframe to steady himself, and she had thought for a split second that he would cross that line they had drawn more than two years earlier.

“Yeah…yeah, you should.”

“Your hand is still…” Lexi had gestured to the door where his hand had been covering hers.

He had withdrawn his hand with a sigh, and Lexi had turned the knob.

“Hey,” he had whispered.

Taking a deep breath, she had turned back to face him one more time. He had reached out and tucked another lock of hair behind her ear.

“I’ll miss you.”

And then, his lips had landed softly on her cheek, way softer than she had thought they would, considering how much alcohol was in his system. She had swallowed, yanked the door open, and bolted from the apartment.

Her hands shook as she fished out her car keys. She dropped them once and cursed loudly before picking them up and pushing a key into the door. Once it was open, she fell into the front seat and slammed her hands down repeatedly on the steering wheel.

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck,” she cried, the tears threatening to let loose. “No. Please, no.”

She leaned forward, pressed her forehead into the steering wheel she had been abusing, and let the tears fall. She didn’t even know how to articulate what was ripping through her chest, but it hurt like a motherfucker.

She just wanted to claw her way through her chest and make all the pain go away. How could he say those things to her? How could he say those things when he knew it didn’t matter, when he knew that she was marrying someone else? How could he put her in that position?

The tears ran hot down her cheeks as the roller coaster of emotions unleashed all around her. And she couldn’t stop them from falling because she didn’t even know the true source of her pain. Was she angry that he had said those things to her at all…or that he had said them too late?

“So, let me get this straight,” Chyna said, pacing her flat.

Lexi sat with her feet scrunched up underneath. She had just told Chyna the whole story from start to finish, and she was waiting to hear the backlash.

“Jack told you that he loved you and that you should leave, and you actually walked out of his apartment?”

Lexi nodded solemnly.

“Chica, I’m shocked. Have you actually grown up? Do you have a temperature?” Chyna asked, walking up to her and pressing the back of her hand to Lexi’s forehead.

Lexi brushed her off. “No, I’m not sick, you crazy person.”

Chyna laughed and backed away when Lexi swatted at her again.

“I don’t know what you want me to say. You did the right thing. Jack was drunk and acting like…Jack. I know he hasn’t been that way for a while with you, but that doesn’t mean that the man isn’t still inside of him. I guess the divorce is just getting to him.”

“That’s the understatement of the century.”

“What are you going to do now?” Chyna asked, walking back to Lexi and sitting down.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean…now that Jack is getting a divorce…he’ll be free again,” Chyna said softly.

“So?” Lexi said, looking at Chyna suspiciously.

“Stop looking at me like that. I know you love him.”

“I don’t…”

Chyna leveled her with a stare that stopped Lexi right in her tracks.

“Don’t even try that with me. I know how you are with Jack. You two might have been friends since he got married, but that doesn’t mean you love that man any less. Whether or not it’s stupid is not the question. It’s completely idiotic, but that doesn’t change the fact, not one bit.”

Lexi bit her bottom lip. “I’m not going to do anything. I’m getting married at the end of October,” she whispered, pushing the ring out in front of her as if Chyna didn’t know or hadn’t seen it.

“I know. I’m your maid of honor, remember?”

“I know you are. Speaking of being maid of honor, am I supposed to be doing anything in these last couple of weeks besides planning the bachelorette party that you’ve already planned?” Lexi asked, batting her eyelashes up at Chyna innocently.

“No. Speaking of bachelorette party, what do you want to do for yours?”

“I don’t know,” Lexi said with a shrug. “Isn’t that your job?”

“Have you even found a dress yet?” Chyna asked, ignoring her question.

“For the bachelorette party?”

Chyna rolled her eyes. “Don’t think you can fool me. You still don’t have a wedding dress, do you?”

“Um…”

“Alexa, you need to get one. We’re only six months out!”

“Six months is a long time!”

“I had my designer on that aspect of the wedding, like, two days after Adam proposed. I wanted her to have enough time to do the dress justice. That was before I even knew I was going to be part of fashion week that year and had to add a six-month extension on to the wedding. She breathed a sigh of relief when I told her she had six more months for it. Eighteen months, chica. Not six!”

“Well, I’m not having a big-time fashion designer put together my dress. I’ll buy that shit off a rack and have them tailor it. Can’t take that long,” Lexi said with a shrug.

“Sometimes, I wonder how we’re friends.”

Lexi chuckled at the differences between them. They certainly had drastically different backgrounds, but it had never mattered to Lexi. They worked just the way they were. Lexi was sure Chyna wouldn’t want a friend who mooched off her, and just as likely, she wouldn’t want someone with as much money as her. Most of the other people in the latter category were even more self-absorbed than her best friend, not that she would have Chyna any other way.

“Do we need to go out and look for a dress for you?” Chyna asked, standing quickly at the prospect of shopping.

“Um…no. It’s not a big deal. I’ll find something.”

Chyna dramatically rolled her eyes. “Can we at least go look for a bridesmaid dress for me or something?”

“Aren’t I supposed to be here to help you with your wedding?”

“Yes, but my wedding is planned. You just need to show up.”

“Then, what am I doing here?” Lexi asked, exasperated. She had gotten out of work for this.

“Because you needed to get away from Atlanta.”

Lexi opened her mouth to protest.

“Away from that divorce, by the looks of it. Maybe away from Ramsey for a bit, too.”

Lexi sighed heavily and rested her head back against the couch. “Isn’t this supposed to be the happiest time of my life?”

“I think a lot of people find wedding planning to be insanely stressful. And while the day of is supposed to be spectacular since it’s one big party…it’s usually pretty nerve-racking and stressful, too. I don’t think it’s strange that you’re freaked-out by this,” Chyna said thoughtfully. “I mean, especially because you freak out about everything.”

“You must have me confused with someone else.”

“Try and tell me that half of this anxiety doesn’t come from Jack’s imminent divorce.”

“Not half—”

“And the other half doesn’t come from shit with Ramsey—the past of lies, that Elisa bitch…what happened last summer.”

“Let’s not talk about that,” Lexi snapped.

“Okay, fine,” Chyna said, throwing up her hands. “Live in your delusional life right now, but one day, you are going to have to face up to all of these anxieties. Wouldn’t it be better to just tell me about them, so you can move on, rather than sitting in your head and obsessing over everything? I’m here for you. I know the stupid shit you’ve done. You know the stupid shit I’ve done. I’m not going to judge you. What do you want, Alexa? What makes you happy through all of this?”

“I don’t know.”

“Seriously?” Chyna asked. She planted her hands on her hips and practically glared at Lexi. “You don’t know what you want?”

“I mean…I know what I want.”

“Then, just forget all the other bullshit. Forget all the drama—Ramsey, Jack, Bekah, Parker, Elisa, John. Just forget it. Tell me.”

“I want Ramsey,” she said automatically.

“I told you to forget about the bullshit. Don’t feed me cookie-cutter answers. I know that you love him, and you agreed to marry him, but that doesn’t tell me what you want,” Chyna cried. “Why does this have to be so difficult? You know what I wanted most of my life?”

“One-night stands?”

Chyna gave her a stilted laugh. “I wanted my parents to leave me alone. I wanted to forget about how much they fucked me up when they got divorced. I wanted their memory not to taint every relationship…every thought of a relationship…even a friendship. And you know what? Then, I found you. They can’t touch you. So, I won at least part of that even if I have to fight the rest of it daily. I won. They didn’t. I got what I wanted. I found a best friend who didn’t treat me like they did, who treated me like a person. I’ve made mistakes…I mean, every once in a while,” she said, raising her eyebrows with a smirk on her perfect lips. “But I knew what I wanted, and I wasn’t going to settle for less than that.”

“While I appreciate the sentiment, are you going to tell me you didn’t settle for less than that all of those years you were sleeping around with half of Manhattan?”

“I wasn’t looking for a relationship then. I’m sure I wouldn’t have found one with the guys I was taking home. Aren’t you surprised I’m getting married?”

“A hundred percent,” Lexi said without skipping a beat.

“Bitch!” Chyna cried. “Anyway, this isn’t about me. I was stupid, and I didn’t go after what I wanted all the time either. I fucked it up with Adam twice, but once I realized that he was it, I haven’t looked back. I just know. It’s like after Marco blacklisted me for over a year. I just didn’t give in to his demands, but I still went after modeling. I never stopped. Then one day Corsa calls me back, says that Marco lifted the blacklist, and that she wants me for fashion week. I won. I got what I wanted. So, cut the bullshit and talk to me.”

Lexi took in a shuddering breath. Chyna wasn’t messing around, and Lexi couldn’t act like it was all a joke any longer. Just considering everything Chyna had said made Lexi want to burst into tears. Because the truth was that her head had been so fucked-up for so long that she didn’t even know what she wanted.

She thought that was Ramsey. She had certainly been saying it was Ramsey for long enough. He was perfect. He loved her fiercely. He wanted what was best for her. There was absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be with a man like that. How could she resist a man who treated her like that?

But then, there was that feeling…that moment…that ate away at her heart. Doubt. Chyna had hit the nail on the head. She had been with Ramsey for almost three-and-a-half years now, and she still couldn’t say whether or not she actually trusted him. It felt ridiculous—absolutely ridiculous. How could she waver about someone when she had been with him that long?

But it still sat there—that seed of doubt—creeping up her spine, spreading out through her nerve endings, paralyzing her when she least expected it.

“I want to…stop feeling like I have to try so hard,” she finally whispered. “I feel like I’ve spent all this time just trying to hold in everything. I can’t be irritated about Parker because I’m friends with Jack. I have to just forget about Elisa because the company wants to forget about Elisa. I have to just accept the man who works a country-club life because he did it for me—when I never asked for any of it! I just have to accept that Ramsey did everything for me because he loves me. I just have to accept that Bekah is trying to tear Jack apart when all I want to do is make it right. I can’t seem to do anything without my past creeping up and smothering me. Above all else, I just want to forget about my past and live my present. Why is that so fucking hard?”