Текст книги "Slut"

Автор книги: Jettie Woodruff

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Текущая страница: 15 (всего у книги 20 страниц)

Thirteen

“I’m tired, let’s not get into anything deep tonight. I just want to sleep,” Paxton confessed as we climbed the stairs together.

I was okay with that, we had a long day, cleaning and getting everything ready for the next day. What I wasn’t okay with was the distance I felt between us ever since his talk with Nick. I couldn’t really put a finger on it because he played a good part. He was just a little out there.

“Are you okay?”

Paxton spun me toward him when I hit the top landing. “Why do you have to say shit like that? You never asked me if I was okay before.”

I looked down to the grip he had around my arm and opened his fingers. “Okay, we’re not doing this. Sorry, I asked. Let’s just go to bed.”

He let me walk away, but he didn’t stop. He kept it up until it turned ugly, badgering and saying mean stuff just to start a fight.

“What? I’m not supposed to wonder who the fuck you are? I’m not the one that changed, Gabriella. You are.”

“Paxton, I don’t even know what you’re all bent out of shape about. I asked you if you were okay. Shoot me dead in the head next time. My God.”

“Maybe I’m just tired. It’s not like I haven’t worked my ass off for you for the past two days.”

That pissed me off, and Paxton got what he wanted. A fight. “I never asked you to do any of that.”

“No, Gabriella you didn’t. This wasn’t my fucking plan. I was going to let you get that kid, help you do it, and dangle it over your head to get you to go back to being the way it was. Before all of this bullshit.”

“Is that what you want, Paxton? You want me bow down and kiss your feet.”

Paxton snorted and shook his head. “What the fuck are we doing?”

“You started it.”

Paxton walked away with a confused expression and pissed off wife. “I’m going to shower.”

I ran my fingers through my hair, groaned from frustration and whiplash, and walked outside with my phone. I talked to Mi for a good fifteen minutes before I heard him come out, and plop to the bed. We didn’t really talk about much, the girls, Vander, the movie, and our stupid little fight. The one that fell from the sky like an asteroid. No warning whatsoever.

Paxton didn’t move when I entered the room. He stayed still, laying on his stomach with his arms above his head. I didn’t say anything either. I left him on top of the covers in sexy, boxer briefs and no shirt. I loved Paxton in tight white briefs, especially next to his tanned complexion and defined back.

I showered, thinking about Paxton’s outburst over nothing. I knew it was more than nothing, and the conversation with Nick was my first guess for the cause, but why?

Paxton hadn’t moved a muscle since I’d left him. I watched him sleep, feeling stupid, heart fluttery things when I looked at him. His eyes were closed and his breaths were deep and relaxed. Like he was in a deep sleep. I brushed the hair from his forehead and kissed his warm skin.

“Will you rub my lower back?”

I smiled and straddled his butt, digging the tips up my fingers into the tight muscles in his back. “Why don’t you talk to your parents?”

“I do sometimes. They call once a year or so.”

“I’ve never heard you.”

“They haven’t called this year yet.”

I laughed a little with a short puff of air. “It’s almost September. You’re running out of year.”

“I don’t care.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know, Gabriella. We’re just not close. Lots of families aren’t close.”

“I was close with my family.”

“You don’t even remember your family. You have amnesia, remember?”

“Shut up. I still loved them. I know I did.”

“Well, I didn’t. My old man drove a truck, hauled oranges up and down the west coast. My mom was a slut. She cheated on him for as long as I could remember, and he either stayed gone or drunk. That was my childhood. You’re not the only person on earth that grew up with a fucked up life. It happens every single day.”

I dug my thumbs into the tight spots, right above his hips. “I know. I never said it didn’t. It was always just you? No brothers or sisters?”

“I had a sister. She died.”

My fingers stopped moving for a second while that one sunk in. “What happened?”

“She got hit by a truck her first day of kindergarten.”

Again my fingers stopped and I hid a gasp. “I’m so sorry Pax, that’s horrible.”

“I was two. I don’t even remember her. I never knew her.”

“Yeah, but don’t you think maybe that had something to do with your mom’s behavior, and your dad staying drunk? People deal with things in their own way.”

“Yeah, and they still had a kid. I was still there.”

“I’m sorry that was your life, Paxton, but you know what?”

“Hmm?”

“Mi says there’s a cause and an effect for everything. Maybe you had to live like that in order to be a good dad for Rowan and Phi.”

Paxton lifted his body and rolled to his back, leaving me straddling the front of his waist.

“Well, if that’s the case. I’d do it again.”

“Me too.”

“I’m sorry.”

My fingers glided over deep fingernail marks engraved in his chest. “I’m sorry, too. Jesus, did I do that?”

“You don’t have to be sorry. I fucking loved it. It’s the strangest thing ever, baby. I’ve spent all this time telling you to be a slut, you lose your memory, and bam, you’re a—”

“Watch it, buddy.”

“It was a kudos.”

I raked my red painted nails over his stomach and frowned at him. “Why do I feel like I should be offended?”

Paxton ran his hands up and down my bare legs, staring up to me like he cared, like he really cared, like he loved me. “I fucking exploded when you did that last night. Your body twisted into some fucked up position, your nails dug into my skin, and your entire body orgasmed. And blow jobs. Pfft, you’re a dirty, bad girl, and I fucking love it.”

“I’m not a dirty, bad girl.”

Paxton shifted his hips to get my attention, and I looked up. “It’s a compliment. Say thank you. I rather like the connotations to the blow jobs you give. It’s like you enjoy it as much as me.”

I stared at him briefly, contemplating something else, not blowjobs. “Don’t you ever think I don’t appreciate how hard you work for us? I do. Very much. And I am grateful for what you’re doing to get Vander.”

“I know you are. I’m sorry for saying that. I’m a dick.”

“I’m sorry about how you grew up, too.”

“Lay down.”

I rolled from Paxton to the bed, ready to relieve the day’s tension with my body pinned below my guy. Only that’s not what happened. Paxton pulled the covers down and I crawled in with him, snuggling my back to his chest. He wrapped his arm around me and kissed my hair with a heavy sigh. A tired one. Damn.

I tried to be discrete with my ass twisting into his crotch, but he didn’t move. A new position and a leg over his waist did little, too. He told me to behave. What the hell?

His eyes never opened, he ran his hand up my thigh, but that’s it. “Go to sleep. I’ve got to get up early.”

“No you don’t. The people are coming tomorrow. The state people.” I reminded him as my freshly shaven leg ran up his.

“Behave, that’s in the afternoon. I’ll be home before they get here.”

“Call in sick.”

His warm breath blew on my head with the short laugh. “I’m the boss.”

“I’m the boss. Call in horny.”

“Are you asking for sex?”

“Sort of…Einstein.”

“I like it. Ask me again tomorrow.”

I groaned and rolled back to my side, shoving my ass into his groin. “Goodnight.”

Paxton kissed the back of my head “I love you.”

“Yeah, okay.”

Paxton was in a deep sleep, relaxed breaths, purring in my hair within minutes. Five at the most. I laid in his arms, trying to focus on Vander and not everything else. That was hard. I knew Paxton used the way I trusted him to keep me like I was a puppy that he’d found walking along the beach, an animal. I also knew there was something else, I just didn’t know what, but truth be told, I wasn’t sure I cared anymore. Maybe people can change. Maybe Paxton could change. Unfortunately, I didn’t doze off to little Vander’s face. I fell asleep feeling safe and content, yet confused, and uncertain.

The next thing I knew I was waking to the sun, shining brightly through the glass doors and two little girls. Rowan and Ophelia climbed in, one on each side, smiles as bright as the sun. I loved how chipper they woke up in the mornings.

“Hey you and you, where’s your dad?”

Rowan was the one to answer me like I had lost my memory again. “He goes to work on Monday, remember?”

“Yes, silly. I remember, but I always get up with him and send him off with a healthy breakfast.”

“Well, now he’s gonna get a tummy ache,” Ophelia added and then remembered her day with Mi. “We get to play with Mi today.”

“We’re going to the movies,” Rowan reminded her.

“Shut up, Rowan.”

“Phi, you can’t tell Rowan to shut up. That’s not nice. If your dad heard you say that he’d stand your little butt in the corner for an hour. Say you’re sorry.”

“But I’m not sorry.”

I groaned, hiding a smile. “Come on. Let’s go get breakfast.”

I sent them on their way while I went to the bathroom, shaking my head at them as they descended the stairs. Rowan informed Phi of her intent to tell her dad for saying shut up to her, Ophelia reminded her big sister about a Barbie hiding in the pool filter. It was a spa. She was on a retreat, Rowan explained. I made a mental note to check the pool filter, listening to the arguing voices become a distant mumble. An arguing murmur. I swear, those two…

“What do you guys want to eat?” I questioned as I walked into the kitchen, shaking my head once again. “What are you doing?”

“Licking the window?” Ophelia explained in a sarcastic tone, matching her daddy’s to a tee. Like I couldn’t see that with my own eyes.

“Why?”

“It’s cold on my tongue.”

“Get some ice. Stop it. That’s gross. What do you want to eat?”

“Oatmeal with brown sugar,” Rowan said, eyes in a toy catalog on the island, feet tucked below her butt.

Of course Ophelia had to give me her order. “I want scrambled eggs with toast. I’m getting that for my birthday,” she informed Rowan, pointing at something in the magazine.

“No, it’s not your birthday next, right Mom?”

“I can have that. Can’t I, Mom?”

I tuned them both out, and gave them both a look that they read loud and clear, thumbs on my phone, texting Paxton.

“Technically, it’s mine and Daddy’s, but your birthday is before Phi’s. You just had a birthday, Phi.

“That was a long time ago.”

Gabriella—You didn’t wake me. Did you eat? You could have woken me.

Both girls were feeding their hungry bellies by the time Paxton answered my text.

Paxton—I couldn’t wake you. You were sleeping so peaceful with your ass against my cock. I had to get away from you before I called in horny.

An instant smile formed on my lips. I loved that I did that to him, and I loved it even more that he told me so.

Gabriella—You can come home horny.

Paxton—Stop it!!! I can’t be thinking about that and spread concrete at the same time.

Gabriella—You better just come home and spread me then.

Paxton—Bye, I love you.

Gabriella—Yeah, yeah.

I couldn’t do anything all morning. I was worthless. The nervous energy of not knowing kept me from doing much of anything. I cleaned up the house one more time, cleaning things that didn’t need cleaning until Mi finally got there.

Mi gave the girls their new stones before anything. That’s the first thing they both thought of as soon as she was in the door, both reminding her of her promise. An hour before they were arguing over a three hundred dollar Barbie vacation home from a catalog that neither of them were getting. Just like that, they were just as content with rocks. Silly rocks Mi believed to have some sort of magical power. Of course they believed it too.

The expressions on their faces when Mi gave them their simple little gift was priceless. Not only did they both get new stones, they came wrapped in a wire cage, dangling from plain silver chains.

“Look, Rowan. You can change it out,” Mi explained while she moved the spiral wire from the rock, showing her how she could change out her stones. “See, I have one too.”

“But I only have one stone.”

“You have your hematite. You can put that one in it, and I have lots of stones. I’ll make sure you have enough to change it out. I have something special in mind. A very special stone,” she explained while she moved to Phi, waiting patiently for her new rock.

“What’s your stone for?” Ophelia asked as her little hands went around the pebble, nothing special at all about it.

“This is one of my gratitude stones. I picked it up from The Grand Canyon when I was about your age. The Grand Canyon’s energies are very healing, grounding and cleansing, no doubt due to all the hematite there. You should go sometime. This one is called Wonderland Jasper. It helps release negative emotions that cause people to worry about life and move forward with a positive outlook,” Mi explained as she removed her necklace.

I ducked my head for shorty Mi, and she placed it around my neck. “What? I don’t want a stone that you picked up from a family vacation as a kid.”

“I want you to have it. Keep it or my feelings are going to be hurt.”

I smiled and accepted the generous gift with great gratitude.

Mi took both happy girls out for a day of fun while I waited for Paxton and the unknown. This was it. This was the day my life would change. One way or another.

Of course Paxton had to up my stress level a few notches by making it ten minutes before the state people got there. I was beside myself, afraid that he wouldn’t make it. I didn’t talk to people. I didn’t know what to say, what questions to ask, nothing. Paxton did all of that.

“Sorry, I got my truck stuck,” he announced as I stood at the door and watched him get out of his truck.

“Oh my, God. And your phone is broke, too?”

“Actually, it sort of got stuck in the mud, too. I must have lost it when we were trying to push it out. You look hot,” he smiled with a kiss to my lips.

“You stink. Hurry up, go shower. Is it too sexy? Should I change?”

Paxton stopped and turned to me with a knowing look. The one that read my face. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong. Go to the shower.”

“You’re sort of a mess. What’s going on?”

“Let’s go upstairs. I want to change my shirt.”

“Gabriella? Your shirt is fine. Tell me.”

I had to walk in front of him to get him moving in the right direction. We were about to be scrutinized by people we didn’t know and he wanted to talk. “You should wear that gray shirt. The one with the black buttons.”

“I was going to wear my orange one. I look good in orange.”

I knew exactly what shirt he spoke of. I hated that shirt. It looked like Halloween puked on him. “No way. I hate that shirt. I always think you fell inside a giant pumpkin or something.”

“Yes, I know. The girls tattled on you. They can’t keep secrets, you know.”

I froze, eyes wide, and feet stopping right in front of him when the doorbell rang.

“They’re here,” I said while adrenaline rushed through my veins, sending my heart into a beating mess.

“Calm down. It’s going to be fine. Go let them in. I’ll be five minutes.”

“I can’t. What do I say?”

“Offer them something to drink, but not alcohol. Take them in the living room where all the family pictures are.”

“Good thinking. Hurry.”

Paxton let me step around him, but stopped me with an arm around my waist. “It’s going to be fine. I promise.”

“But what if it’s not? These people are about to scrutinize us. What if they don’t like us? What if they go back and tell the other people not to let us have him?”

“They won’t. Go let them in,” he said with another kiss to my trembling lips.

I sidestepped him, taking in deep calming breaths, repeating the chant, “I am at peace, I am at peace.”

The door opened to two women, one around my age, and one older, maybe fifty. I’m not sure if their smiles were contagious or if mine was fake, but it was there.

“Hello, come on in. I’m sorry, my husband worked half a day, and he’s just now getting home.” I have no clue why I felt the need to share that information, but nonetheless, it fell out of my mouth.

Both women nodded as they stepped in with genuine smiles. At least I hoped they were genuine.

“Can I offer you something to drink? Not alcohol, like tea or something.”

The lady older than me chuckled a little. “I would love a glass of tea.”

I thought about them following me next. I should have taken them to the living room before offering them a beverage. They followed me, but I couldn’t see their expressions. I knew they were checking out our home, probably taking mental notes. I thought about everything that I should have done while we walked in silence for miles. That’s what it seemed like. I hated the tension and the awkwardness.

“I’m Jonnie White, and this is Lyndsey Wagner,” the younger one said, introducing themselves as she slid to Rowan’s barstool.

Shoot. I didn’t want her to sit there. My hand unconsciously held Mi’s little stone, and I swear my nerves calmed. Then again it could have been the name. “My mother’s name was Jonnie. I’ve never heard another female with her name.”

“I hate my name and my parents,” she joked.

“My mom called my sister and I her Clydes. You know, like Bonnie and Clyde? Only we were Jonnie and her Clydes.” I had no clue why I shared that detail either, but honestly it felt kind of comforting, like my mom was with me.

“Sorry about that. Hello, I’m Paxton Pierce, and you are?” Paxton said, finally joining us, with way more confidence than I had.

The ladies introduced themselves and Paxton led the meeting, doing things his way, and not theirs at all. He had them seated on our sofa with their tea while I sat on the loveseat with him.

The older lady sat her glass to the round coaster, a photo of Rowan and Phi in the pool. My nerves did that jittery thing when I watched the expression on her face. It was bad news. I could tell. My hand held the dumb little stone, praying I was wrong.

“Look, before we go any further, I have to tell you that Vander is with a family interested in adopting him. Your sister hasn’t had any contact with Vander all summer.” Lyndsey, the older one explained while she opened the folder from her lap.

“She couldn’t. She was in an accident,” I replied with a raspy, dry throat. I knew it was bad.

Lyndsey shrugged her shoulders, but I wasn’t sure what it meant. “I mean, it’s all right here in black and white. She chose drugs over her child, Gabriella.”

I instantly went into defensive mode. “She was sick.”

Paxton took my hand and squeezed it lightly, then stepped in. “What is it that you’re suggesting?”

“Mrs. Chadwick feels it would be better for the child if—”

“Vander. His name is Vander,” Paxton clarified.

“Vander’s in a good home with a family who loves him now. The Warrens. From what I understand, he’s thriving and extremely happy. The State of Michigan doesn’t think we should disrupt that.”

Paxton stood and my hand grasped the little stone around my neck, willing him not to blow his top in front of them.

“That’s awesome. I’m glad that he’s had a great summer, but truthfully, Mrs. Wagner, that’s all it was. A great summer. He’s our family, and he belongs here with us. What are you saying? If you’re here to tell me we don’t have a right to him, I’m here to tell you you’re wrong. I’m not going in this blind. I know our rights, and unless you can prove us unfit parents, tell me what the next step is.”

Okay, that wasn’t so bad. I watched the expressions on both the lady’s faces with cat-like precision, reading every single look.

Jonnie was the one to speak. She clapped her hands together and looked up to Paxton with, I wasn’t sure what. I sort of sucked at reading people.

“Next we ask you some questions, tour your home, and send our finding back to the State of Michigan, along with your intent to continue with the custodial rights to Vander Clyde Delgardo. We’re just the messengers, Mr. Pierce. Just because the State of Michigan thinks they know what is best, doesn’t mean that it is. Lyndsey and I have been partners for seven years now, and we fight for what’s in the child’s best interest. Not the State of Michigan, and certainly not you. Of course if we think Vander should come here with you, show us, Mr. Pierce. Make us want to bat for you, not them.”

Paxton stared down to Jonnie with another look that I couldn’t read, until he looked at me. Something in him clicked, something I’d never seen before. He smiled, and ran his fingers through his hair. “Throw the ball,” he said, his tense attitude disappearing with a smile.

Paxton sat next to me on the sofa and we answered question after question. Everything from how we discipline to what we feed them, their routine, Paxton’s job, my role as a stay-at-home mom, and then the documents they wanted us to gather. Oh my, God. You would have thought we were asking for custody of the president of the United States of America. Marriage license, birth certificates, Paxton’s divorce decrees, proof of income, W-2 or Income Tax Forms for the past five years, a list of savings accounts, investments, debts and insurance policies.

I think we did great. We even joked a few times, and talked about our girls in great detail. Jonnie even shared her dilemma with a boy and girl. She thought they were the only ones who fought like that. I loved that she shared that with us. It made me feel like she was just like us. Like everyone else on this crazy planet with skeletons. All and all, I thought the interrogating interview went well, and then came the tour of our home.

Paxton never let go of my hand the entire time. He did most of the talking, going into great detail about the house, and how he and I did it all. I wondered if he was feeding her a line of shit, or if it was true. I didn’t remember helping with anything there, and he had never mentioned that I did. Then again, he didn’t mention a lot of things.

Jonnie stepped into Rowan’s room with a huge smile. “Barbie’s, my daughter swallowed that pill too,” she admitted, eyes scanning Rowan’s room and the massive amount of Barbie everything.

“Rowan’s our bookworm,” I proudly boasted when Lyndsey picked up her favorite book, Sir Wrinkles, by Lenora Kerr.

“Her mom waited in line for three hours to get that book. It’s signed. She’s very proud of that book,” Paxton explained.

I felt sad about that for a second. I never knew that. I knew that it was her favorite book, and I knew that it was the only one that got a special place on the top shelf. I just didn’t know the story behind getting it. That hurt a little.

Next we went into Phi’s room. “Our little tomboy,” I said, happy smile returning. She had some girl things, but the skateboard, and the dinosaurs were a dead giveaway. Ophelia had a collection of them, and every piece of paraphernalia they made. It worked out, both girls played with the Jurassic World as much as they played with the Barbie’s in Rowan’s room.

We went into the room where the door was boarded up with plywood next.

“Don’t mind the paint smell. We’ve been working on this room, trying to get it ready. I have a window coming. I should get it in this week.”

“We’re kind of up in arms on who to give this room to. I feel like Rowan should have it since she’s the oldest.”

“She’s not that much older than Ophelia. Vander should have the room with the private bath,” Paxton argued. We both looked to see whose side our guests took.

They didn’t take either. “I’ll take this room,” Jonnie decided.

It was rather empty. We painted the room a neutral color, sort of between blue and silver. Comfort Gray was the name on the little card.

The state ladies left us with a lot of hope, and they both assured us they planned to step up to the plate. That made me extremely happy. We walked them to the door, thanking them for coming, hand in hand.

Jonnie stopped on the bottom step and turned to us. “I love the way you two are so in love. That’s important in a family.”

I smiled and leaned into Paxton. “Yeah, that’s fake. I don’t really like him that much,” I teased.

Jonnie snickered. “Sure, was that mud for us, or did your husband hug you when he came rushing in late?”

I looked down my cream colored blouse to the streak of mud down my left side and smiled. “Something like that.” He hugged me because I was freaking out. He also didn’t tell me about my muddy shirt for two hours. Idiot.