Текст книги "The Year I Became Isabella Anders"

Автор книги: Jessica Sorensen

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Текущая страница: 6 (всего у книги 14 страниц)

“So what? Admit it. You missed my cheesiness.”

“Never.”

“Not at all?” He fakes a pout. “Wow, way to crush my ego.”

I want to tell him no, but can’t bring myself to do so. Deep down, I might have missed it just a bit. “Your ego needs crushing.”

He beams. “I knew you missed me.”

I roll my eyes. “Cocky much?”

“I’m cocky all the time.” He pauses, studying me in a way that makes me squirm. “You know, I don’t think I believe you that Paris was awesome. I think I need proof.” He makes grabby hands. “Let me see some pics so I can decide for myself.”

“I already sent you one,” I remind him. “You didn’t seem that thrilled about it.”

“I was too thrilled,” he says. “You looked so content in that photo. It made me want to be there with you. I even made it my screensaver.”

I resist another eye roll. “You so did not.”

“I did too.” He traces an x across his heart with his finger. “But I lost my phone, so I need new one.”

“Are you being seriously? Because sometimes I can’t tell.”

“You think I’d lie to you?” he questions, jutting out his lip. When I stare at him, unimpressed, he sighs. “Look, I promise I’m not lying. I was at a party when you sent me the photo. I looked at it and remember thinking how great of a photo it was. Totally screensaver worthy. So that’s what I did with it. Then I went back to the party, totally planning on texting you back and telling you how awesome of a photo is was. But then I got drunk and lost my phone.” He shrugs. “Sorry. I really did like the photo.”

He seems like he’s being genuine, but considering our past, trusting Kai is complicated. I attempt to get a read on him, but he’s doing that smoldering stare thing that makes him hard to read.

“Are you being serious right now about wanting to see all of my photos?” I ask. “Or is this like the time you asked to see my sketches then when I showed them to you, you told me you were just kidding and looked at me like I was a spazz.”

“I never said I was joking around, and I don’t think you’re a spazz,” he says, sounding appalled. “I said I was just teasing you.”

“There’s a difference?” I ask flatly.

He shakes his head, his lips twitching. “Isa, there’s a huge-ass difference between joking around with someone and teasing them.”

“Yeah, teasing’s way, way worse.”

“No, it isn’t,” he insists. “Teasing is a compliment. It means I like you enough to tease you.”

“Well, if that’s the case, then you must like me a freaking ton. Because you pretty much use all of your teasing energy on me. With everyone else, it’s all,” I flutter my eyelashes, “look into my eyes and swoon.”

“First of all,” he aims a finger at me, fighting back a laugh, “I never flutter my eyelashes.”

“You might not think you do, but I’ve totally seen you do it before.” I feel oddly gratified that I’m finally getting the upper hand in our conversation. Usually, he always gets me so flustered that I give up. But this time, he’s the one getting all squirrely.

“Name one time,” he says, his eyes burning with fierce determination.

“How about at Hannah’s seventeenth birthday party?” I cross my arms and smirk as he grows fidgety. “You were trying to get her attention while she was swimming and you knelt down on the side of the pool, leaned in, and did this,” I bat my eyelashes, “while whispering something to her. God knows what the hell you said, but it made her giggle, and you acted like a cocky asshole for the rest of the day.”

His lip twitches, but more out of annoyance. “That was a long time ago, and I was really, really bored that day and trying to piss Kyler off, because I thought he had a thing for Hannah. But I’m not that guy anymore.”

I choose to be completely ignorant over what he said about thinking Kyler had a thing for Hannah, and let Indigo’s words about Kai replay in my mind. Maybe he feels bad about blowing you off. People do change a lot from when they were thirteen.

“Are you saying you don’t flirt with Hannah anymore?” I ask. “Or you don’t flutter your eyelashes anymore?”

“Both,” he says, sticking out his hands again. “Now, let me see the photos of your trip.”

Sighing, I retrieve my phone from my purse and search for the folder labeled Trip. “My cousin actually took most of the photos. She’s into photography, but I did take some.” I tap the folder to open it then hand him the phone. “They’re not great or anything, but there’s some decent ones.”

After getting situated on the bottom step of the porch, he starts skimming through the photos, but stops on one of me standing with Indigo in front of a wall of skulls that form a heart. “Where’s this?”

“That’s the catacombs,” I answer, sinking down on the stair beside him. “Which are all these tunnels that go under Paris.”

He nods, browsing through a couple more photos then stops again. “Who’s this guy feeding you a cupcake?”

“That’s Nyle. He lives in London, and he’s friends with this guy, Peter, who my cousin knew from here.”

It was right after I kissed him. We’d gotten off the London Eye and stopped at a bakery. The photo was to be silly, but it still makes me smile as I look at it.

Kai doesn’t say anything else as he finishes looking through the photos. Then he hands me back my phone, rests back on his elbows, and stretches out his long legs. “Okay, so I didn’t want to ask, because I thought it’d be rude. But I can’t stop thinking about it, so I’m going to ask; otherwise, I’m going to either lose my mind or my head’s going to explode. But before I ask, I just want you to know that I’m not trying to be rude. I’m just curious,” he says then stops talking. Just like that. After that long-ass speech.

“Dude, are you going to ask, or did you just say all that to drive me crazy?” I ask, stuffing my phone into my pocket.

His eyes sparkle mischievously. “I was just trying to show you how I was feeling. Do you feel like you’re losing your mind yet from not having the answer?”

I pinch his side. I don’t even know why I do it. Okay, maybe that’s a lie. I’ve seen Indigo use the move on a couple of guys she was flirting with.

Holy shit! I’m flirting with Kai.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

“Wow, you’re violent.” Kai chuckles, rubbing his side where I pinched him.

“Sorry, I’m just impatient.” I clasp my hands in front of me. “Would you please, please ask your question before I either lose my mind or my head explodes?”

“Fine, I’ll tell you.” He mockingly rolls his eyes. “Geez, Isa, there’s no need to get overdramatic.” He flashes me a playful grin when I glare at him, pretending to be more annoyed than I am. “So, what’s up with the new look?”

“That’s your question. Really?” I frown disappointedly. “I have to say, after all that build up, I thought you’d ask me something way more intense and awkward.”

His brow cocks. “Like what? If you’re a virgin or something?”

My cheeks flush, and I hate that he can see it. “No, that’s not what I was thinking at all.”

He grazes his finger across my cheek. “I forgot how cute you are when you blush.”

The movement is so quick I barely register it, but my heart accelerates, my pulse pounding against my wrist, my neck . . . everywhere.

My body is a damn betrayer, though, and my mind is yelling at me to be pissed off at him. He’s talking about the past, back when we used to hang out, and he has no right to talk about those moments he decided to pretend never happened.

“You’ve never seen me blush before,” I lie, my voice a little shaky. I run my fingers over my hair, smoothing it into place. “And I decided to change my look. It’s not a big deal.”

“There has to be a reason behind it, especially since I know you hate dresses and makeup and all that girly shit.”

“I’ve never hated girly shit. I was just confused . . . back then.” Back when you stabbed me in the heart. “And I’m not that girly.” I lift my feet and tap my boots together. “See. Totally not girly shoes.”

He bites back a smile. “Still, you’re way different, and usually there’s a reason why someone does a complete flip of the switch.”

I arch my brows. “You mean, like you?”

He grimaces. “Yeah, I guess so.”

I consider his question, but the idea of telling him what I discovered about myself and my family while I was on the trip terrifies me. “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.”

His lips quirk, and his eyes darken. “What exactly are you talking about, Isa? Because when you say shit like that to me, my mind automatically goes right to the gutter.” His gaze sweeps up and down my body, causing me to shiver. “But I’m more than happy to show you mine.”

I roll my eyes and shove him, but laugh. “Don’t be gross.”

“Hey, you’re the one who said it,” he says with a grin.

“I meant I’ll tell you why I changed if you tell me why you changed.”

He considers what I said, but not for very long. “All right, keep your secrets then.”

“Okay, I will.” I’m only a tiny bit sad he didn’t tell me, because I’m curious why he decided to go from jock to this laid-back, I-don’t-give-a-shit-about-anything version of Kai. But mainly, I’m glad, because I don’t want to tell him my secret.

He juts out his lip, pouting again. “You’re really not going to tell me?”

“You know that doesn’t work on me, right?” I push to my feet, brushing the dirt off the backs of my legs. “I gave you a chance to know, but you didn’t want to take it.”

He rises to his feet and stretches out his arms.

I try not to stare as his shorts ride lower, but I stare a little. Unlike Kyler, Kai isn’t muscly. Toned, yes. Lean, absolutely.

“Well, maybe I’ll change my mind,” Kai says, crossing his arms over his chest and stealing my view from me. “Maybe I’ll decide to tell you all my secrets, and then you’ll have to tell me yours.”

“When that happens, then that happens.” I give a nonchalant shrug.

“Okay, well . . .” He struggles for words, seeming a little unsure of my blasé attitude.

I smile, like a full on, evil villain, I-just-kicked-your-ass smile. He’s so used to getting his way, and I can tell it’s driving him crazy that I’m not caving to his charming smiles and adorable pouts.

“Smile all you want. Just know that I have tricks up my sleeve. I’ll get you to tell me when you least expect it.”

I raise my hands in front of me and dramatically gasp. “Oh no. Whatever should I do? Kai Meyers has got tricks up his sleeve and he’s going to use them on me.” I lower my hands as he glares at me. “You forget I know the side of you that had magic tricks up his sleeve and dreamt of being a magician.”

“You promised you’d never say anything about that,” he warns, aiming a finger at me. “And that was, like, when I was twelve. I outgrew that fucking weird phase.”

“For your information, I liked that phase,” I say, reaching for my suitcases. “You may think it’s weird because it’s different, but different is so much better than normal.” When he gives me a confusedly intrigued look, I ask, “Why are you looking at me like that?”

He shrugs, scuffing his boots against the concrete. “It’s nothing.”

“It’s something.” I tug on the bags and start dragging them up the stairs. “You’re looking at me like I’m . . . I don’t know, funny or something. And I wasn’t trying to be funny.”

“It’s not that.” He snatches a bag from my hand. “I was just thinking how you still sound like . . . you.”

“I am still me. Just in different clothes. So, stop being weird.” I move to grab my bag back, but he dodges out of my reach and somehow manages to steal the other one from me.

“Isa, for God’s sake, let me try to be a gentleman,” he says, heading for the backdoor with my bags.

“I didn’t know you knew what that word meant.” I chase after him, smirking.

“I learned it ten seconds ago when I took your bags,” he quips, flashing me a haughty smile from over his shoulder as he opens the door. “Don’t think this is all out of the kindness of my heart, though. I’m mostly doing it so you’ll give me my present.” He pauses, waiting for me to confirm if I got him a present like he asked.

I want to tell him no, just so I don’t have to witness that cocky smile I know he’s going to give me, followed by an Ah-ha! I knew you liked me.

But I did get him something while on my trip.

When I remain silent, his face lights up. “I knew you’d get me one.” His grin expands. “Just like I knew you liked me.”

“It’s not that great of a present,” I try to sidetrack his attention off the meaning of my present. “So don’t get too excited,” I warn, but then sigh when he continues to bounce with excitement. “Fine. Take my bags upstairs, and I’ll give it to you.”

“Wow, that’s pretty forward of you.” He bites on his bottom lip, trying really hard not to laugh at me.

My damn traitor skin heats up again. “Stop being such a perv.”

He giggles. Actually freakin’ giggles. And it just might be the adorablest thing ever. But I’m not about to tell him that.

“You’re setting yourself up with these,” he says. “Jesus, Isa. What the heck happened to you while you were on that trip? You leave all innocent and come back with a dirty mouth.”

I pinch him in the side again and he ends up dropping one of the bags, and it lands on my toe.

“Shit, I’m sorry.” He sets the other bag down and reaches to touch me then pulls back. “Are you okay?”

I glance down at my boot. “I’m fine. Totally didn’t feel a thing with the boots.”

“Are you sure?”

I bob my head up and down, and he smiles tensely, fidgeting as he steps back from me.

Why is he acting like a squirrely weirdo?

“Come on.” He picks up the bags, going right back to the chillaxed version of Kai. “I want to see what you got me.”

Nobody’s home. That’s the first thing I notice when I walk in. I’m not surprised my family isn’t here to welcome me home, but it still hurts and makes me want to find my real mom even more.

Kai finds his own way to my room through my house, with me tailing at his heels. I’m surprised he remembers where everything is, since he hasn’t been here for five years. But he navigates through the hallways easily and makes it to my room.

The moment he steps inside, though, he frowns. “What happened to all your posters and drawings?”

Confused, I scramble inside to see what he’s talking about. The moment I catch sight of the bare and freshly painted white walls, my jaw collides with the floor. “I don’t . . .” I yank my fingers through my hair as I turn in a circle. “Someone took all my stuff down.

“You didn’t take them down?” Kai asks, dropping the bags onto my bed.

I shake my head as tears burn in my eyes. “They were here when I left. I don’t know what happened.”

But really, I do. Either my mom took them down, or it was Hannah’s form of revenge. Neither is a good alternative, because both probably mean all my posters and drawings are gone forever.

What if they’re gone? What if I never see some of that stuff again? As depressing as it is, that stuff was a huge part of my life, especially my drawings.

Reality knocks the wind out of me, and a few tears manage to escape from my eyes.

“Hey, it’s going to be okay,” Kai says when he notices the waterworks.

I feel stupid, like a loser again, who cries over ridiculous drawings and posters, because they mean more to her than they should. “I’m sorry.” I wipe away the tears with the back of my hand. “This is so stupid. I shouldn’t be crying over drawings, especially in front of you.”

“Hey, I cry too,” Kai assures me, pressing his hand to his heart. “And I’ve cried over drawings and posters before.”

“In front of people?” I question, and he hesitates. “See? That’s the difference between you and me. You’re not crazy enough to cry in front of other people who could eventually use it against you.”

“I’m not going to use this against you,” he promises. “Seriously, Isa. I’m not that big of an asshole.”

“Sometimes you kind of are, though, to me anyway. With everyone else, you’re usually so chill, but with me . . . it’s like you get your kicks and giggles out of making me uncomfortable.”

He rubs his hand across his jawline, considering something. “Okay, I’ll admit I tease you a lot, but only because I’m comfortable around you.” When I stare at him in disbelief, he adds, “Well, more comfortable around you than most people.” He sighs when I still keep looking at him with skepticism. “Look, when I’m around other people, I’m different—I know this. But everyone expects me to be this intense, serious guy all the time, like Kyler is.”

“I hate to break it to ya, but Kyler’s not that intense and serious all the time,” I say, remembering how much he laughed when we spent those few weeks shooting hoops and hanging out.

Kai rolls his eyes. “Oh, please. The guy never, ever cracks a joke. Seriously, he’s like the most serious person I’ve ever met, and honestly, he’s kind of fucking boring. And you should hear him talk about sports. Talk about a snorefest.” He bobs his head back and lets out a snore, emphasizing his point.

I try not to laugh, because he’s making fun of Kyler, and it shouldn’t be funny, yet a strangled laugh flees from my mouth.

Kai grins at the sound. “See? Deep down, you agree with me. You just don’t want to admit it.”

“I don’t agree with you,” I insist. “Kyler’s not boring. He’s just quiet and shy.”

He makes a choking, gurgling sound then gapes at me. “Kyler’s not shy at all, Isa. He’s the most arrogant, self-assured asshole I’ve ever met.”

“He might be that way to you,” I say. “But to me, he seems quiet and nice.”

“Wrong again. He’s not nice. Not when you know him like I do.” His features harden as he shakes his head in irritation. “My life would’ve been so much easier if he’d gone farther away for college, but no, he had to go here so he could remind me daily who the better Meyers is.”

Hmm . . . perhaps Kai’s one-eighty transformation might have had something to do with his brother.

“Okay, I get you’re not a fan of your brother.” I tread with caution, because I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but at the same time, I feel bitter over how Kai treated me in seventh grade. While Kyler hasn’t been my best friend or anything, he’s always been nice to me, said hi to me in the hallways, and always stands up for me while I’m being picked on. Kai, on the other hand, spends most of his time teasing me, and he’s never offered me an apology for telling his friend I was a stalker. “But Kyler’s been nice to me.”

“I’ve been nicer to you more than he has.” He shifts his weight, seeming uneasy about something. Perhaps how he treated me in the past? I’ll never know, since he won’t say anything about it aloud. “Maybe not all the time, but definitely more than he has.”

“You’ve also been mean to me more than he has, too.” My hands shake as I remember the day he ripped out my heart and stomped on it.

“Most of the time, I’m just teasing you.” His voice is a drop unsteady as he tiptoes around the big, ugly elephant in the room. “And I only do that, because I’m comfortable around you and you don’t expect anything from me.” He shrugs, offering me a small, oddly sheepish smile. “You treat me like a normal guy. You never use me to get to my brother.” Another shrug, like that’s that.

So, he definitely has issues with Kyler. But now that I think about it, I’m not that surprised. Kai always has kind of lived in Kyler’s shadow when it comes to sports and girls and grades. It’s not like he’s not good at any of those things. It’s just that he’s always one step behind Kyler, almost perfect, but not quite.

But he’s way funnier.

Maybe I should tell him that.

Be nicer to him than he’s been to me. Try to cheer him up like I used to.

“I’m going to stop you right there,” he says. “Because I can already see you trying to put me together, and no one can put me together, Isa. I’m all kinds of fucked up.” He swings around me and backs for the doorway. “And you still owe me a present for carrying your bags up the stairs. You better make sure to bring it to school with you on Monday; otherwise, I’m going to have to start charging interest.” He winks at me before turning on his heels and leaving my room.

The silence sets in as I take in the bare walls around me. “This is so depressing,” I mutter. “There’s no way I can look at this for the next nine months.”

An idea smacks me in the head. One that will more than likely get me into trouble with my parents, but fuck it. I’m already on the permanent Hate List with them. Besides, I didn’t work so hard to become a more confident person just to flush it down the toilet the moment I got home.