Текст книги "The Year I Became Isabella Anders"

Автор книги: Jessica Sorensen

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Текущая страница: 13 (всего у книги 14 страниц)

SHIT HAS OFFICIALLY hit the fan. Because Sunday morning, when I return home from my grandma’s, Lynn is there. And she’s alone.

“Where’s Dad?” I ask as I enter the kitchen, which is still trashed from Hannah’s party she had last night.

“He had to make a quick trip out to Florida for work,” she answers, sorting through the stack of mail on the counter littered with beer cans and plastic cups.

My muscles ravel into knots as I remember how shitty she treated me the last time my dad went on a business trip. “How long will he be gone?”

“A week or so.” She sets the mail down and gives me a look that sends a chill down my spine. “And I’m under strict orders to make sure you do your chores while he’s gone.”

“My room and bathroom are already clean,” I say, hoping Hannah’s friends didn’t trash those rooms too.

“That’s nice, but I was talking about your new, extra chores.” Her smile grows as her gaze sweeps around the kitchen.

“But I didn’t make this mess,” I say, fighting to keep calm, because losing my cool is only going to make this worse. “I wasn’t even here.”

“How do I know that for sure, though?” She grabs the handle of her suitcase and drags it with her as she heads for the doorway. “It makes much more sense to me that you would have the party. Hannah’s too good of a girl. Now hurry and get this place cleaned, so I can give you your list of chores.”

I grip the edge of the counter and bite back a stream of expletives clawing up my throat.

This is going to be a hellishly long week.

For the next week and a half I play the role of Isabella Smellera, cleaning and taking on the role as the maid for my mom and Hannah. I thought my dad would be back by now, but every time I ask Lynn about when he’s coming home, she just shrugs and says, “He’ll be back when he gets back. Now get to work.”

I try to call my dad a couple of times, but my calls go straight to voicemail. I try text and email, but I receive no reply. By the time Friday rolls around, it’s been two weeks since I’ve seen or heard from my father, and I’m beginning to get really concerned that maybe Lynn murdered him on their getaway and dropped his body into the ocean.

“I’m sure he’s fine,” Kai says as I express my concern to him during third period. “I know Lynn’s a bitch and everything, but I don’t think she’d kill anyone.” He flashes me a teasing grin, trying to lighten the mood. “It’d be too messy for her, and she wouldn’t risk getting blood on her clothes.”

“I hope you’re right.” I add shading to the drawing I’m working on, instead of doing the math assignment.

Kai and I haven’t really hung out very much lately, mostly because I’ve been too busy cleaning the house and cooking for Lynn and Hannah. Same with me and Kyler, but we do have a date scheduled for tomorrow. Now, whether I can get out of the house to actually go on it is an entirely different question.

As for Kai and his issues with his parents, I haven’t had a chance to ask him more about that, but I haven’t noticed any more welts on him or heard any yelling next door. That doesn’t mean I’m going to stop keeping an eye on him.

And the kiss . . . well, somehow the two of us have silently agreed never to mention it again. I think about it sometimes, though. Just like I think about Kyler.

I’m a very, very confused girl.

“I’m always right,” Kai jokes, reaching across the row to flick my hair with a pencil. “You should know that by now.”

“Kai and Isa, keep it down,” Mr. Marelli warns from his desk.

Half the class turns and stares at us. While the staring has toned down, I still haven’t made any real friends. I do have a few people I chat with during classes, thanks to Kai and that party, where he introduced me to people.

Kai rolls his eyes, but faces forward in his desk again, and starts scribbling the answers on the assignment sheet. I work on my sketch again, getting lost as I draw the superhero version of me.

“You need a sidekick,” Kai whispers, leaning over in his chair to look at my work.

“I usually have one,” I whisper back as I draw an angled line. “But I thought I’d go solo on this mission.”

“No way. I want to come.” He does his pouty lip, fluttery eyelash move. “Come on. Make me your sidekick.”

Grinning, I press the pencil to the paper and give into his request.

He smiles, relaxing back in his chair with his arms tucked behind his head. “See? The move does work on you.”

My grin grows as I finish the drawing then hold it up for him to see.

“Why does my head look so big?” he wonders, putting the tip of the pencil to his lip.

“It has to be big,” I explain, “in order to fit your superhero name.”

“Which is?”

“Ego Man.”

“Isa, come on,” he whines. “I know you can do better than that.”

“I don’t know. Ego Man seems pretty fitting.”

“Fine, but if I’m Ego Man, then you’re Vain Girl, and our kryptonite is mirrors, because we stare in them for too long.”

I giggle softly. “I’m not vain.”

“And I don’t have an inflated ego,” he insists. “But hey, you’re the one who wanted to play this game.”

“A game I’m winning.” I show him my pearly whites.

He rolls his eyes. “In your dreams.”

“Isa and Kai, this is your final warning,” Mr. Marelli warns, scowling at us.

We both grow quiet until Kai says, “But then what happens to us? I mean, his threat seemed so ominous, but he didn’t finish it.”

I choke on a laugh and Kai grins. Unfortunately for us, Mr. Marelli doesn’t think it’s so funny and makes Kai move to the desk at the front of the classroom. I spend the rest of class working on the assignment and dreading lunch, since I still spend it sitting alone in the cafeteria.

When the bell rings, I slowly put my stuff away to kill time.

“What are you doing for lunch?” Kai asks as he strolls down the aisle toward my desk.

“What I always do.” I swing my backpack over my shoulder. “Go to the cafeteria and eat lunch.”

“Ew, you eat in the cafeteria?” He pulls an I’m-gonna-barf face.

“It’s the only place to eat, since I don’t have a car to drive anywhere.”

“I don’t have my car today either. I had to let Kyler borrow it, because his is in the shop.” He frowns as if just realizing this.

“You can always eat with me,” I offer. “In the ewy cafeteria.”

His expression contorts with disgust. “There’s no way I’m eating that food.” He looks at the clock and then at the door. “Come on. I have an idea.”

I follow him out into the busy hallway, where he finds a girl named Marla, who I think’s a junior and who has a car. Using his eyelash fluttering move, he sweet talks her into giving us a ride to Sunnyvale Burger Drive-In, although she doesn’t seem too thrilled I’m included in the ‘us’.

I spend most of the drive in the backseat, listening to her laugh at everything Kai says, even stuff that’s not funny at all. When we reach the burger place, Kai thanks her for the ride then hops out and opens the door for me.

“Wait? You don’t need a ride back to school?” she asks, leaning over the console and smiling at him as her cleavage pops out of her top. “Because I don’t mind giving you one.”

“We’re actually going to walk somewhere after we get our food.” Kai shuts the door after I climb out.

The hope in her eyes goes poof, and I kind of feel bad for her. “Okay, well if you ever need a ride again, just let me know.” With that, she glares at me before pushing the shifter into reverse and backing out of the space.

“I think I’m cramping your style,” I tell Kai as we head for the entrance doors. “Did you see that dirty look she gave me?”

Kai feigns dumb. “I didn’t notice anything.”

“You liar.” I pinch his ribs.

He laughs as he opens the door and lets me walk through first. “You’re so violent all the time.”

“Just admit it,” I say as I walk up to the counter. “You totally just played her.”

“I told her straight up that we needed a ride.” He examines the menu above the register. “She knew the plan the entire time—that I was going to get lunch with you. She let herself get played.”

I decide to let it go, because I’m dying to ask something else. “Why are you eating lunch with me? You never have before.”

“Usually I have stuff to do at lunch.” He keeps his attention fixed on the menu. “But since I don’t have a car today, that stuff’s been put on hold until tomorrow.”

“What kind of stuff?”

“Just stuff.”

Ever since I read the text from T, I’ve been really worried about him. I keep waiting for him to show up at school with bruises or broken bones, but so far, he seems okay. Still, I have to wonder what exactly he owes this T guy that would lead to such threats.

“But you’re okay, right?”

“I’m always okay,” he says without looking at me.

I don’t think I believe him.

After we get our lunch, we leave the burger place and start down the sidewalk, and not in the direction of our school.

“Where are we going?” I ask then sip on the straw of my shake.

He winks at me as he pops a fry into his mouth. “It’s a surprise.”

I pull my aviator sunglasses down over my eyes to block out the blinding sunlight. “We won’t be late for class, though, right?”

“We might be a few minutes late.” He puts his own sunglasses on. “But I promise it’ll be worth it.”

He picks up his pace and I chase after him as he makes a right and ducks into the park. The moment he jogs to the grassy area, I know where he’s going and it makes me grin like a goof.

I race after him as he sprints toward the hollowed out tree tucked away near the rickety old seesaw. When we reach it, Kai ducks in and I follow. But since we’re taller than we used to be, getting us both in becomes a puzzle. We end up sitting side by side with our legs sticking out of the entrance.

“I miss coming here,” I state as I peel the wrapper off my hamburger. “It’s so quiet and peaceful.”

“I’m actually surprised they haven’t cut the tree down yet,” he says, pulling his burger out of the bag. “They’ve cut down a ton of them already.”

I pick off the pickles and take a bite of my burger. “Maybe this one’s still here, because they know it’s magical.”

Kai chuckles at me as he chews his food. “Maybe, but I doubt it.”

“You never know.” I steal a fry from him and pop it into my mouth. “It could be magical.”

His expression tightens. “I don’t believe in magic anymore, so I can’t agree with you.”

The edge in his tone makes my concern for his wellbeing go up about fifty thousand notches.

“Kai, I know you don’t want to talk about it—you’ve made that pretty clear—but just promise me you’re going to be okay. That the threat that T guy made to you won’t really happen.”

He stares out the hole, chewing on his food. “I’ll be okay.”

“Promise?”

He looks at me, his eyes smoldering. “Isa, you don’t need to worry about me. I can take care of myself.”

“I know I don’t need to worry about you,” I say, sounding a little worked up. “But I do.”

“Why?” he wonders, still keeping his intense stare fixed on me.

I swallow hard. “Because I just do.” I haven’t thanked him yet for telling everyone that Hannah’s rumor was false, and it feels like the right time. “Kai, I want to thank you.”

“Oh yeah? For what?” He seems really distracted.

“For telling everyone I didn’t spend a summer in a mental institution.”

“You found out about that?”

I nod. “I’ve been meaning to thank you, but I wanted to make sure it was when we were alone so I could press how much it means to me. No one’s ever done something like that for me, especially when I was such a dork.”

“It’s not a big deal.” His gaze drops to my lips, and he wets his own lips with his tongue. “It’s really not.”

I’m not sure if he’s talking to me or himself, but he seems extremely fascinated with my lips.

Holy shit, is he going to kiss me again?

Holy shit, do I want him to kiss me again?

And while we’re both sober?

Sober equals no excuses. Sober means we both want it.

Before I can decide what I’m going to do, the seesaw outside lets out an ear-scratching squeak and Kai and I both shudder.

“God, I think that just broke my eardrum.” He presses his finger to his ear and works his jaw back and forth.

I free a trapped breath, relieved the noise happened and that it broke the intense moment. I honestly don’t know what I would’ve done if Kai kissed me while we were sober. Part of me craves another taste of his soft lips again and the explosions I felt inside, while another part of me can’t help but think of Kyler. Which means I shouldn’t be kissing Kai.

I need to figure out what I want.

“We should probably get going,” Kai says, gathering our trash, “if we’re going to get you back in time for class.”

“Yeah, we probably should.” I climb out of the tree, taking my trash with me.

The walk back to school is quiet. I want to break the silence, because it’s driving me crazy and makes me kinda sad—Kai and I never have awkward silence. But I don’t know what to say to him, since I’m a little unclear on why he seems so standoffish. Was it because of the kiss? Or something else?

“So I’m going to a party tomorrow,” he says to me as we turn and head up the path that leads to the entrance doors of the school. “I was thinking, if you wanted to, you could come with me.”

“That sounds fun, and I really wish I could go.” I really mean it. I wish I could go with him. “But . . . but I already told Kyler I’d go to his game.”

“Oh, okay.” Kai looks as perplexed as I feel.

I pick at a loose thread on the bottom of my dress as awkward silence stretches between us again. I hate this. I want to go back to our playful conversations. “Maybe if it gets over in time, I can meet up with you though,” I say.

“Yeah, maybe.” His forehead creases as he pulls open the door. “Are you driving with him? Or are you meeting him there?”

“He said I could ride with him . . . why?”

He shrugs as he holds the door open for me. “Just wondering if it’s a date or not.” He joins me in the hallway, letting the door go. “Sounds like a date to me, if he’s picking you up.” He grows quiet as he takes out his phone, glances at the screen, and chews on his bottom lip. “I have to go. I’ll see you later, okay?” With that, he strides off down the hallway.

I watch him until he disappears around the corner, and then I head for my locker, my mind swimming in a sea of confusion, where nothing makes sense, not even myself, which is sadly becoming my motto in life.

I worked so hard to reinvent myself while I was on the trip, but I’m starting to realize the makeover was solely an outside thing. While I appear to be put together on the outside, I’m still as confused and lost as I was when I left.

Maybe even more.

I SPEND THE rest of the day stressing over how upset Kai looked when he left, but the second I walk into my house, my worries for Kai fly right out the window.

My dad is sitting at the kitchen table, drinking coffee and talking to Lynn about something while he reads over a piece of paper.

“Dad, you’re home,” I breathe in relief, wanting to get on my knees and kiss the ground. Yes! I no longer have to do chores for Lynn and Hannah.

But when he looks at me, my elation fizzles like flat soda. “We need to have a talk.”

“What do you mean by we?” I ask. “You and me, or . . . ?” I glance at Lynn.

She twists in her chair and smiles sweetly. “Your father, me, and you are all going to talk.” She pulls out a chair and pats the seat.

I hesitantly walk over to the table, dropping my bag on the floor before I take a seat in the chair farthest away from Lynn.

Her eyelids lower to slits, but she collects herself and reaches for the sugar dish in the middle of the table. “Your father and I are very worried about you, Isa.” She scoops up a spoonful of sugar and adds it to her coffee. “Ever since you went on that trip, you’ve been acting like a completely different person.”

“You wanted me to go on that trip,” I calmly remind her.

A shrill laugh escapes her lips. “I never agreed that you could go on that trip. I was always under the impression that you were going to spend the summer at your grandmother’s, getting a job and working so we would no longer have to spend so much money on you all the time.”

My fingers curl inward as I ball my hands into fists. “I pay for most of my stuff.” Which is the truth. Most of my pencils, sketchbooks, and clothes have come from money I’ve made doing part-time jobs here and there and from the cash my grandpa gave me.

“Stop lying.” She stirs her coffee, sitting in the chair with perfect posture, trying to appear like the calm, picture-perfect woman she’s not. “You’ve been doing too much of that lately.”

“I haven’t lied about anything,” I say, fighting to keep my temper under control.

She wipes the spoon clean on the brim of the cup before setting it down on the table. “Maybe lying isn’t the right word. But you’ve been keeping secrets from us.”

I sort through my thoughts, trying to figure out which secret she’s referring to.

“I’m talking about all the snooping you’ve been doing,” she says. “For the last couple of weeks, you’ve torn this house apart every time your father and I aren’t around.”

I glance at the paper my dad was looking at when I walked in. It looks like a receipt from a hotel in Virginia, but it doesn’t make any sense, since he was supposed to be in Florida. “How do you know I was looking for something?”

My dad must notice I’m looking, because he folds up the paper and stuffs it into his briefcase.

“I have my ways of finding out what you’ve been up to.” Lynn’s icy gaze warns me a storm is coming for me, and I’m not going to be able to get out of its path. “But that doesn’t really matter. All that matters is that you found what you were looking for.”

“I didn’t find it.” I feel like I’m walking into a trap. “Hannah left it on my bed, but I think you already know that, don’t you?”

“Isabella, stop lying!” My dad suddenly explodes, slamming his fist onto the table.

I jump, my heart slamming against my chest. “Dad, I—”

“Don’t you dare make excuses!” He cuts me off, stabbing a trembling finger in my direction. “You had no right to look for your birth certificate. No right at all.”

“I do too have a right.” I suck back the tears, refusing to cry in front of them. “It’s my birth certificate. And when I turn eighteen in a few months, you would have had to give it to me anyway.”

His face reddens with anger. “You don’t even know what you’re getting into. Just because you found out about her,” he flinches, casting a panicked glance in Lynn’s direction, “you think you understand everything.”

“What I understand is that I was lied to for years. That the people I always thought were my family aren’t. That this place,” I flail my hand around at the kitchen, “wasn’t always my home. That all these damn years I spent here, feeling like a fucking outcast, could’ve been avoided if you would’ve just let Grandma raise me, instead of bringing me into a family who hates me!” I’m breathing ravenously by the time I’m finished, but it feels so good to get it out.

The vein in my dad’s forehead bulges as he glides his hand across the table and clutches my hand. “You will never talk to me that way again. Do you understand? I won’t let you turn into your mother. I won’t let you turn into that vile woman who ruined my life.”

His fingers dig so violently into my hand I’m pretty sure I’m going to have bruises. “From now on, you will do everything Lynn and I tell you.” He lets me go and pushes back from the table. “And as far as I’m concerned, she is your mother.” He looks at Lynn before storming out of the kitchen.

“What did you think was going to happen?” Lynn says as I work to get oxygen into my lungs. “That he was going to tell you he was sorry and that deep down he really loved your mother?” She rolls her eyes at me when I say nothing.

“Your mother was a terrible person who did terrible things to people, and we’ve been trying to make it so you didn’t end up like her.” She scoots back from the table, looking at me with hatred as she grabs my hand and pulls me to my feet. “But from what I can see, you’re going to end up just like her. Rotting in a grave that no one visits.” She drags me with her as she heads for the doorway. “Now, you’re going to come with me and paint over that god-awful painting you put up on that wall.”

I can barely breathe. Barely think. Barely make sense of what she said.

My mom’s a bad person?

She did terrible things?

I’m going to end up just like her?

She’s dead?

I have to get out of here.

“No!” I shout, wrenching my hand from her hold. “I’m not going to paint that fucking wall. It’s my wall. And I like the painting.”

She doesn’t seem shocked by my outburst. If anything, she seems pleased, like she’s gotten everything she’s wanted. “Just like your mother,” she says.

I shove her, not enough to do much, but it still shocks her. Before she can say anything, I run out of the kitchen and down the driveway. I think about running to town or texting Grandma Stephy or Indigo to come get me, but before I can get that far, Kai appears at the corner of the sidewalk.

He starts to turn away the moment he spots me, but then he notices the tears in my eyes and rushes for me. “What’s wrong?”

I shake my head. “I can’t . . .” I suck in a huge breath of air. “I can’t . . .” I start to sob hysterically and my legs buckle. “My mom’s dead.”

Kai catches me before I hit the ground and pulls me against his chest. I pull back, feeling moronic for having a meltdown in front of him, but he only presses me closer and lets me cry into his shirt.

“It’s going to be okay,” he says, smoothing his hand up and down my back. “I promise.”

I wish he was right. I wish this was all a bad dream or something that I could eventually get over. Maybe one day I will. Maybe one day it won’t hurt so badly. But right now, the pain is suffocating way more than the shell I used to live in, and I’m unsure how to make it go away or if it’ll ever go away completely.

So I do the only thing I can do for now. I cry as hard as I can, letting it all out, grateful Kai is there to keep me from falling down completely.