Текст книги "The Temptation of Lila and Ethan"

Автор книги: Jessica Sorensen

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Текущая страница: 18 (всего у книги 19 страниц)

Chapter Nineteen

Lila

It’s been a while since I’ve been this nervous. Right after the thing with Sean happened, one of the Precious Bells told the entire school. I remember sitting in my room the day it happened, dreading going to class, fearing what everyone would say. I was actually sick to my stomach. In the end I had to go to school and everyone started calling me a whore. It was all a big joke to them. They cut me apart, ripped me to shreds, but nothing hurt as much as the fact that Sean had never called afterward. He’d simply untied the ropes, zipped up his pants, grabbed his jacket, and muttered a “That was great,” before slipping out the hotel room door.

As Ethan and I sit on the bed in Ella and Micha’s quaint little guestroom, I feel like I’m headed to that same place, but I’m not sure why. Ethan hasn’t really said anything. He was being standoffish on the phone. I need to stop overanalyzing.

“So how’s everything been for the last few days?” Ethan asks, leaning against the headboard. He looks tired, bags under his eyes, like he hasn’t slept in a while.

I shrug, kneeling on the bed near where his knees are. “It’s been going good… Although I did go to my house and ran into my mother.”

He straightens up a little, his muscles tightening. “Why the hell did you go there? You should stay away from them. Your parents are fucking douche bags.” He pauses, assessing me like he’s afraid they physically broke me or something. “Are you okay?”

I nod. “As okay as I ever am.”

“What did they say to you?”

“They didn’t say anything to me. My father wasn’t there.”

“What did your mother say to you then?” he asks, looking unhappy.

I shrug, unable to keep a frown on my face from forming. “Nothing she hasn’t said before.”

He presses his lips together and shakes his head. “You need to stay away from them… the things you told me they’ve said to you… they don’t deserve you.”

I love you. God, I do. I sit down, crossing my legs, my dress riding up a little. “I know, but I didn’t go there to see them. I went there to steal a dress out of the closet.”

He arches an eyebrow. “A dress?”

I shrug and then tell him about the dress and what happened with my mom, surprised by how easy it is to tell him the truth, down to how I felt about knowing the pills were so close. I wanted to rip them out of her purse and devour them. I wanted to make myself feel better, but I didn’t do it. I know now they don’t make me feel better. They just make me not feel.

“It’s normal,” he says when I’m done. He sits up and turns to the side so he’s facing me. “To want them when you know they’re near. What’s important is that you didn’t take them.”

I nod, trying to pick up his vibe, but he’s stoic and it’s frustrating me. “How about you? How was…” God, this is so hard. “How was seeing London?”

He waits a moment to respond, looking me over with his eyebrows furrowed as if he’s perplexed. “It wasn’t like how I thought it would be.”

I take a deep breath, fearing the answer, fearing the worst, but ultimately telling myself that I have to handle it because I won’t go back to being what I was. “And how did you think it would be?”

He keeps staring at me, not saying anything and it drives me crazy, to the point that I feel like I’m going to explode.

“Ethan, would you please tell me what you’re thinking?” I kneel up in front of him as I wince at the neediness in my tone.

A breath eases out of his lips as he reaches for my hips, surprising me when he folds his fingers around me and brings me to his lap so I’m straddling him. “I’m thinking that I missed you.” His forehead creases as he says it. “In fact, I was kind of surprised how much I was thinking about you the entire time.”

I’m not sure whether to be happy or offended. “You weren’t planning to think about me at all?”

He shakes his head, staring at me like he’s lost. “I honestly thought I’d go there and be completely focused on saying goodbye and letting London go, but it turns out I think I already had in a way… I think it might have happened the moment I decided to be with you.” He pauses, contemplating, his lips quirking. “I’m kind of sounding cheesy right now, huh?”

I try not to smile, but I’m failing. “Cheesy can be good, though. Like in the movies. Everyone always ends up happy.”

“You think we’re going to end up happy?” He seems wary.

“I honestly don’t know, but…” I gather my breath and my courage as I place my hands on his shoulders. “But I’d kind of like to find out.” I hold my breath while I wait for him to say something.

He plays with a strand of my hair, twirling it around his finger and then tucking it behind my ear. “I don’t want to turn out like my parents… I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I don’t either,” I say. “I want us to be happy.”

“Relationships can be ugly. I’ve seen it.”

“So have I.” I pause, not wanting to ask but needing to know. “But, Ethan, I don’t get it. You say you don’t want to be in a relationship, yet you were in one with this girl… London.”

He keeps looking into my eyes, really looking at me as he cups my cheek and grazes his thumb across my cheekbone. “Things with London were always intense and easy because we never talked about anything, really. She made me feel free in a strange way, because she never made me feel like I had to give her anything. We just kind of coexisted.”

I frown. “It sounds like your dream.”

He shakes his head. “I thought so, but I was wrong. I never really knew anything about her. It was easy and fun to be with her, but I think that was because we were high all the time. I think I liked the idea of her, but with you…” He trails off, his eyelids lowering as he chooses his words carefully. “God, half the time you drive me crazy. You challenge my patience. Piss me off. Make me feel things… That’s the thing, Lila. You make me feel things for you, even when I’m fighting it. No one has ever done that to me.”

“So you want to be with me?” I’m so confused. “Even though we sometimes clash?”

“I told you I did a long time ago,” he says, brushing my hair from my eyes.

“When?”

“In the desert. Back when I told you we should go on a road trip together.”

“I thought you were kidding about that.”

He slowly shakes his head, never taking his eyes off me. “At the time I told myself I was, but deep down I’ve known for a while that there’s no way I could leave you behind.” His chest rises and falls as he takes a deep breath. “I… I love you, Lila.”

My heart stops in my chest. I’ve heard the words uttered many times in the heat of the moment, from guy after guy wanting to get into my pants, but never like this. I’ve never known someone like this before we had sex. I’ve never been friends first.

Tears start to form in my eyes as the last six years pour through me. All those years of feeling worthless, unloved, unworthy of love. God, it hurt more than I let on. I can still feel the pain inside my body, haunting me, along with every choice I’ve ever made in life. But the thing is, they’re in the past, and moving forward I need to stop being so fixated on the things that have happened and focus on what I want to happen.

“I love you, too,” I blurt out, overly excited but not caring. “I really do.”

He releases a breath and then smiles. “Jesus, for a second there I thought you were going to reject me or something.”

“Never,” I say and kiss him softly on the lips, feeling the connection I’ve never felt with any other guy. “I could never reject you.”

I start to move back, but he cups his hand around the back of my head and kisses me forcefully. Our lips melt together as we kiss each other passionately, his hands wandering all over my body, across my bare back, tracing a line down my spine. He tastes me, steals my breath away as I press closer to him, wishing that we could stay this way forever.

My heart knocks in my chest as he slips the straps of my dress down my shoulders. I can feel every single aspect of his touch and I embrace it. All those years I was dead inside, locked in a coffin I built myself, and I’m finally free. The contact of our skin sends a rush through my body and a hunger surges through me. I want to feel what I felt the night we had sex. I need to right now. I pull away and he watches me with confusion as I slip my dress down my body, unable to wait any longer. I need him close to me more than I need air.

After I kick my dress to the floor, I return to his lap and straddle him. Before I reconnect my lips to his, I slip his shirt over his head and he watches me the entire time, his expression unreadable. I throw his shirt onto the floor and then trace my fingers along the lines of his muscles and the tattoos that brand them. Each one I’m sure tells a story and one day in the future—our future—I’ll have to get him to tell them to me. I splay my palm flat across his chest, feeling his heart beat against my hand. It thumps hard, erratically, nervously like my own.

“What are you thinking?” I whisper, lifting my gaze from his chest to his eyes.

His tongue slips out as he wets his lips. Then he places his hand over mine and brings it away from his chest and to his lips. “I was thinking about how badly I missed you.” He touches the bottom of my wrist with his lips and places a kiss delicately on my skin.

“You already said that.”

“I know, but it felt like something that needed to be said twice.”

I can’t help but smile at the nice, sweet side of Ethan Gregory that I’ve always loved. I’d tell him, but he’d probably argue, so instead I just kiss him. At first, the kiss starts off sweet, but then suddenly the pace quickens as he undoes the clasp of my bra, tosses it aside, and flips me on my back. I let out a blissful moan as his lips travel from my lips, to my jawline, collarbone, finally resting on my breast. He kisses my nipple, hard, nipping and tugging in a way that almost instantaneously pushes my body to the edge. My back bows up into him and I bite my lip, suppressing a scream as I thread my fingers through his hair, pushing his face closer, wanting more. I’m still not used to it, feeling everything without being medicated. I wish it would always stay this way. I wish we’d want each other as much as we do now. And who knows, maybe we’ll turn out to be one of the lucky ones. Either way it’s worth the risk.

Ethan is worth the risk.

Ethan

I told her I loved her and she said it back. I’m going against everything I believe in and I don’t care. I want her. Want to be with her. Want to do everything with her and the feeling is strange, crazy, unnatural to me, yet it makes me content.

As my fingers wander all over her body, the contentment shifts to passion. I’m trying to take it slow, not wanting her to think that sex is all I’m after, but the desire to feel her, thrust inside her, press our bodies together becomes too overpowering. I rip off her bra, flip her on her back, and cover her body with mine. I suck on her nipples and she keeps whimpering and tugging at my hair and it only makes me more anxious to be inside her. Finally, I can’t take it anymore. I kiss a path down her stomach and spread her legs apart with my hands. She lets out a sequence of moans as I slide my fingers inside her and feel her thoroughly until she screams out my name. When I pull them out, she starts to protest until I bury my face between her legs and slip my tongue inside the spot where my fingers just left.

“Jesus… Ethan…” She groans breathlessly, her hips arching up as she threads her fingers through my hair, tugging at the roots. I kiss her and lick her until she’s quivering and my dick feels like it’s going to explode. Then I move my lips toward her mouth, but she sits up.

Her blue eyes are glazed over as she reaches for the button of my jeans and she flicks it undone, her fingers shaking as she attempts to remove my pants. I help her out and slip out of the jeans and my boxers and kick them to the side. I reach for her panties and jerk them down her legs, noting that she’s quivering. I toss them aside, and then take a condom out of the back pocket of my jeans. I’m about to thrust inside, but pause. She’s trembling even more and I’m starting to grow worried.

“Are you okay?” I ask, needing to make sure because I know what she’s been through and the last thing I ever want to do is pressure her.

She nods her head up and down, her legs opening up as I kneel between them, her hair spread all over the pillow. “I’m fine.”

“You’re shaking, though.”

“I know… I just want this—I want you. Really, really bad.”

Relief washes through me as I lower myself over her, lining our bodies together, and prop an arm on each side of her head. I kiss her tenderly, trying to calm her down, but she continues to shiver and it only amplifies when I slowly slip inside her.

“Oh my God…” she cries out, writhing her hips to meet my movement, nearly pushing me over the edge way too soon. “It feels so good… it does… God, I love you…”

The ecstasy in her eyes makes it hard not to come and the sound of those words leaving her lips makes the sensation even more intense. I thrust inside her, over and over again, thinking only about her, feeling every part of it, our bodies connecting. I’d always believed that love was never worth it. That if I loved someone we’d eventually ruin each other, but this has to be different. What I’m feeling right now has to mean something more. This has to be real love.

“I love you, too,” I whisper, sealing our lips together and ultimately our hearts.

Epilogue

Lila

Ella seemed really nervous when we left her at the house to finish getting ready. But I’m sure it’s normal, since she’s about to commit herself to one person forever. I would have stayed with her, but I wanted to decorate around the cliff area where they are getting married. I picked up some flowers and candles on my way down, hoping to spruce up the dirt area as much as I could. Micha and Ethan helped me out and then we took a cab to the cliff so Ella could have the car. Luckily the wind wasn’t blowing, otherwise the flames wouldn’t have stayed lit and the flowers would have blown away. Thankfully, for one day, the weather decided to be nearly perfect, the sky almost blue, the waves of the ocean content, and the temperature lukewarm, especially for December.

Ethan and I are standing near the edge of a short cliff, the ocean out before us. The sun shines brightly down onto the sand and glows against my skin. Micha is standing next to the minister, waiting for Ella to get here. It’s been amazing to watch the two of them and what they’ve gone through to get to this place and I find myself wondering if I’ll ever get here myself. Maybe. Someday. Hopefully. But right now I’m just focusing on Ethan and the fact that he makes me feel happy, one day at a time. And I mean genuinely, freely, breathtakingly happy.

“You know I hate weddings, right?” Ethan remarks, glancing at me from the corner of his eye. “They’re super cheesy.”

“I thought you liked cheesy.” I nudge him with my elbow a little roughly and he winces.

He rolls his eyes, fidgeting with the collar of his button-down shirt that I made him wear. “Just so you know, I’ll have my cheesy and nice moments, but most of the time I’ll probably be a douche.”

I roll my eyes in response to his eye roll and smooth out the wrinkles of my red dress. “You’re such a liar. In fact, there are very few times I’ve ever thought you were a douche.”

He turns his head toward me, slipping his fingers through mine. “Not even when I told you to sell your clothes.”

I shake my head, holding his gaze. “I might have when you said it, but now I’m thankful you did… You changed me, Ethan Gregory, and in a good way.”

He rolls his eyes, but then leans in and kisses my cheek. “I love you.”

I smile. “I love you, too.”

“Do you feel like you’re about to watch something you created?” I remark, resting my head on his shoulder as I watch Micha and the minister talking to each other. “I mean, if it wasn’t for us encouraging them to be together, they probably wouldn’t be here.”

He tips his head down and rests his cheek on my head. “I think you’re right. We are pretty amazing together.”

I shut my eyes, breathing in his words. Together. He’s said it so much, yet each time it makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. “We really are.”

I’m enjoying the moment, basking in Ethan’s scent, the feel of him next to me, and how he makes me feel so complete inside instead of empty. I’m not even that jealous that Ella is going to be getting married in just a few minutes, if she’d just get her damn ass down here. In fact, I’m happy for her.

I’m seriously considering keeping my eyes shut forever and staying in the moment as long as possible, but the sound of Ethan’s voice causes me to open my eyes.

“Where are you going, man?” he says as Micha heads off toward the turnout area where the taxi dropped us off.

He shakes his head, holding up his phone. “Ella just called, but the reception here sucks and dropped my call.” He doesn’t seem worried or anything but all I keep thinking about is how worried Ella looked when I left her at the house.

We wait around for a while, and the minister’s starting to look worried, too.

“What if something’s wrong?” I ask, glancing back in the direction of where the turnout area is.

“I’m sure it’ll be okay,” he says with a shrug, but there’s a hint of doubt in his tone. We’ve both seen so much happen between the two of them—and with our own lives—that we know better than to think everything will always work out.

“Hey, quit worrying,” Ethan says, hooking his finger underneath my chin and forcing me to look at him. “It’ll all work out.”

“How do you know that, though? I mean, what if it doesn’t?”

“It will,” he insists, gazing out at the ocean. “Now would you relax?”

“I’m trying.” I sigh, fidgeting with my hair.

The sunlight reflects in his eyes as he contemplates something deeply. “You know what? I have an idea that will get you to calm down.” He steps toward the cliff, grabbing my arm and hauling me with him. “I say we jump, like how Ella and Micha did right before she moved the ring.”

I blink at him, stunned. “They jumped off a cliff right before they officially got engaged. Who told you that?”

He shrugs. “Micha did.”

I sigh, wishing Ella would have told me herself. “Well, there’s no way I’m doing it.”

Ethan grins at me as he reaches into his pockets, takes out his wallet and cell phone, and tosses it on the ground. “Why not?”

I warily glance over the cliff, watching the waves crash against the rocky shore. “Because it looks dangerous and I could drown.”

“I would never let you drown,” he says earnestly. “I’d never let anything happen to you.”

“I know you wouldn’t,” I say and I mean it. Whether he’ll admit it or not, he saved me, not just from the drugs but from myself. I place my hand in his, trusting him, and we inch toward the edge. “We’ll be wet for the wedding,” I say. “What if Ella gets mad?”

He rolls his eyes. “I doubt Ella’s going to get mad at you for being soaking wet at her wedding. In fact, she’ll probably love you for doing something as dangerous as cliff jumping.”

He’s right. She probably will, so I nod and clutch on to his hand. Neither of us counts off, yet somehow we manage to jump at the same time, like we’re in tune with each other’s thoughts. When we land, he still has my hand and we swim to the top together. We burst through the surface and I gasp for air, looking back up at the cliff.

“God, I can’t believe I just did that,” I say, raising my hands above my head, my body dripping with water. I feel so liberated.

“Feels good to be bad.” He grins and winks at me. Water drips down his hair and his face, pooling on his eyelashes. He moves his arms, paddling to keep himself afloat as waves lull against the rocks.

“It kind of does.” I swim after him, then float just in front of him when he stops moving.

He smiles at me. “So what’s next on your bad-girl list? We have you out of those stuffy clothes, you cut your hair, and we’ve got you looking for a job.”

I consider what he said as the water laps against my body. “How about a road trip?”

His expression is blank as he stares at me, the water hitting against his back. “You think you can handle that?”

I shrug. “If you think you can handle being with me like that.”

He’s emotionless for only a moment, but then lets a grin emerge from his lips. “I can handle that and more.” He grabs my waist and drags me to him, crashing our lips together as powerfully as the waves hitting the sand.

I kiss him back, only pulling away for a moment to whisper, “Okay, then, it’s a deal.”

I return my lips to his and kiss him while the sun lowers in the sky, casting rays of pink and orange across the sky. The moment is perfect, even to a girl who never really believed in perfection, but who kind of does now. Ethan is perfection in a strange sort of way, if I really look at it, because he’s real with me and I love him. He’s not artificial and not what I’m supposed to have. In fact, if my mother were here, she’d tell me a thousand reasons why he’s wrong for me, from the fact that he had tattoos to the fact that he’s poor. He’s the opposite of everything I was, but not what I am now, and that’s all that matters.

He’s what I want. What I need. He’s the only guy who’s ever made me worthy of love. He changed me in the best way possible and showed me that it was okay to love someone. That not everyone out there will break and crush my heart. And the best part of all, the thing that I will forever love him for, is that he showed me that I was worth loving.

After we finish kissing, we swim to the shore and then hike back up to the path that leads to the cliff area we jumped from. I’m so happy at the moment, I can’t stop smiling, until we get up there, then all my happiness diminishes.

The minister is gone and Micha is sitting there by himself on a rock with his phone in his hand. His shoulders are hunched over and his head is hung low.

“What’s wrong?” I ask, rushing over to him.

He raises his head up and it looks like he’s about to cry. “I can’t get ahold of Ella. I don’t think she’s coming.”

“Of course she is,” I say, wringing the water out of the bottom of my dress. “She’s probably just running late.”

He shakes his head. “That still doesn’t explain why she won’t answer her phone. And she was acting weird this morning, too.”

I bite down on my bottom lip because I noticed Ella’s weirdness, too. I turn to Ethan and stick out my hand. “Give me your phone.”

His forehead creases as he walks backward and scoops up his phone off the ground. “Why? What are you going to do?”

I take the phone from him and smile. “I’m going to get ahold of Ella and get her down there, so these two can finally get where they should have been a long time ago.”

He smiles and then leans in to give me a deep, passionate kiss that warms me from head to toe and it fills me with the determination that Ella and Micha are going to work out, just like Ethan and I hopefully will. Because he makes me happy and loves me, like Micha makes Ella happy and loves her, and really when it all comes down to it, happiness and love are what’s most important and what makes life worth living.