Текст книги "Pure"

Автор книги: Jennifer L. Armentrout

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Текущая страница: 10 (всего у книги 24 страниц)

Footsteps at the mouth of the alley silenced us. Turning in Caleb’s arms, my heart sank. A female Sentinel stood there, watching us. Her long blonde hair was pulled back tightly, giving her face a sharp, angular look. In the weak light, her eyes looked like two black, empty sockets. A shiver coursed down my spine, heightening my senses.

Caleb groaned, releasing me. I straightened my shirt while I shot Lea a nasty look. I held her a hundred percent responsible for us getting busted. If she hadn’t been out here, slinking around, then we wouldn’t have been held up. We’d already be inside, shoving my bag full of soda.

“I know this looks bad, but—”

“They were totally sneaking around,” Lea cut Caleb off, planting her hands on her hips.

I looked at her, wanting to smack her upside the head. “And what the hell are you doing, exactly?”

The Sentinel cocked her head to the side, her lips spreading in a tight smile that showed no teeth. I recognized her then. It was Sandra, the Sentinel who’d come to my window the night I’d screamed in my sleep.

Lea glanced at us, eyes wide. “Okay. Weird,” she murmured loud enough for only us to hear. She folded her arms and cocked her head. “It really stinks back here, okay?” she said in probably her snootiest voice ever. “So can we get this over with quickly?”

Caleb choked on his laugh.

Sandra’s head turned toward him as she reached down, unhooking the Covenant dagger. Her fingers circled the hilt of the blade, her eyes still fastened on Caleb.

“Uh…” Caleb stepped back. His expression told me he wanted to laugh, but knew better. “No need to bring a dagger into this. We were just sneaking around.”

“Yeah, we’re happy half-bloods, totally daimon-free.” Lea sent me a sly glance. “Well, two of us are.”

“I’m going to seriously hurt you,” I snapped, glaring in her direction.

Lea rolled her eyes and turned back to the Sentinel. “I have nothing to do—oh, my gods!”

“What?” I followed Lea’s open-mouthed, horrified stare.

Sandra wasn’t alone. Behind her stood three daimon pures, their ghoulish faces marked by dark veins and empty eye sockets.

I almost didn’t believe what I was seeing. My brain tried to propel me into motion. The startled gasp we’d heard earlier and the Sentinel’s strange behavior suddenly made sense. There were no visible marks on her, but I knew beyond a doubt she was a daimon—maybe even the daimon behind the attack on the young pure weeks ago. But how had she not been checked? The mystery of that would have to wait.

“Oh, man,” I whispered.

“We so picked the wrong night to sneak around.” Caleb’s lanky body tensed and coiled.

One of the daimon pures stepped forward, not even bothering to use elemental magic to conceal itself. Which was strange to me, but then again, I wasn’t a daimon expert. “Two half-bloods and…” He sniffed the air. “Something else. Oh, Sandra, excellent work.”

Gods, were Seth’s Apollyon cooties rubbing off on me? Now they could smellme?

“They talk?” Lea gasped, sounding as if the knowledge horrified her. She’d never seen a daimon, let alone talked to one.

“A lot,” responded Caleb.

The daimon pure cocked his head to the side. “Should we kill them?”

Sandra, who was still staring at Caleb, raised her dagger. “I really don’t care. I’ve waited long enough, so one of them is all mine.”

His laugh sounded twisted. “You’d need more than just one if you bag a half, Sandra. They’re nothing like pures, but the girl is… different.”

“We’ve already killed the Guards at that bridge.” The other daimon’s gaze slithered over Lea and me, his mouth spreading in what appeared to be a smile. All I saw was jagged teeth. “You could’ve got some aether then. Kill the boy. We’ll take these two with us.”

My stomach turned over in revulsion. I pulled from deep inside of me, forcing the nearly overwhelming terror down. Fight daimons without titanium? Crazy and suicidal, but there still had to be Guards and Sentinels patrolling– there had to be. They’d hear us and they would come.

That is, if these four hadn’t already killed them all. But I couldn’t let myself believe that, because I knew Aiden and Seth were out there somewhere, and they wouldn’t have gone down on a night like this—not a night when Caleb and I’d just wanted to grab some soda and watch movies with Olivia.

Lea bumped into me, her chest rising and falling quickly. “We are so screwed.”

“Maybe.” I dipped down and grabbed a lid off a garbage can. Straightening, I reached over and squeezed her arm. I heard her sharp intake of air, and then felt her body stiffen. I knew she was doing the same thing I did, calling on instinct and years of training. I let go of her arm.

Caleb shifted in front of me. “When there’s an opening, make a run for it.”

I didn’t take my eyes off the daimons. “I’m not leaving you.”

As those words left my mouth, the daimon pures flew at us.

CHAPTER 12

WHEN I SAY THEY FLEW, I WASN’T KIDDING.

I dipped down as the daimon swung at my head. I shot up under his arm, slamming my fist into his throat, hearing the sickening crunch as the cartilage gave way. He fell back from me, clutching his throat and wheezing.

“Dammit!” I heard Caleb yell, and then a body hit the ground. Panicked, I searched the alley and let out a sigh of relief when I saw Caleb standing over a daimon.

Lea spun on her heel, hitting the daimon in the chest. He staggered back, and she kicked him again. Hell, she was quick, sure-footed, and damn good. The daimon she fought didn’t have a chance to recover from her blows. She keptlanding them.

Flipping the trash can lid over, I watched the daimon with the crushed larynx climb to his feet. I whacked him over the head, and then inspected the nice dent his skull had left behind. Not too bad. I caught the one daimon who hadn’t spoken upside the head. It was kind of like playing Whac-A-Mole.

Except the quiet one swung back, clamping down on my shoulder. He wretched me forward. Stumbling, I dropped the lid as I tried to yank myself free. The daimon latched onto my other arm and pulled harder, sending darts of pain through my shoulders. I dug my feet in, but I inched across the gravel.

Behind him, Lea sprinted forward and launched herself at the daimon. Wrapping her legs around his waist, she grabbed his head and twisted. Bones crunched and gave. The daimon released his hold and hit the ground, twitching in a messy heap.

“Damn, Buffy,” I said, eyes wide. Part of me couldn’t believe she’d intervened—and saved my life. “Thanks. I owe you.”

Lea sent me a wild grin. “We need to make a run for it—”

A strong current of air hit her from behind, slamming her against the wall. She slid down, rolling onto her side and moaning.

“Lea!” I started toward her, but the daimon Sentinel cut me off. Breathing harshly, I skidded to a stop. Caleb was struggling with the daimon who had sent Lea flying, but the daimon half consumed my world. Fighting them—especially one trained as a Sentinel—was nothing like battling daimon pures.

And this daimon half knew it.

Smiling coldly, she stepped forward. “It’s time to stop playing, little girl. You can’t beat me.”

Ice drenched my veins. Her hand struck out, catching me in the chest. I saw nothing but flashing white light when I hit the ground. Sharp gravel cut into my palms as I rocked onto my feet, lightheaded and stumbling.

Lea climbed to her feet and rushed the daimon half. I wanted to press stop and hit the rewind button. I couldn’t move fast enough. I couldn’t scream loud enough. And maybe, if I’d had a do-over, I could’ve stopped Lea. But everything was moving and changing with incredible speed.

Lea swung at the daimon half, her fist ramming the half’s chin. It knocked the daimon half’s head back, but that was about all. She slowly turned back to Lea, catching Lea’s second throw. She twisted Lea’s arm, and the sound of bones shattering overwhelmed the sound of the blood pounding in my temples. I shot forward, but I couldn’t get to her.

Time… there wasn’t enough time in the world.

Lea paled, but she didn’t scream. Not a sound, and I knew she had to be in pain. She didn’t even fall, didn’t even flinch. Not even when the half daimon raised her arm, Covenant dagger in hand.

But Caleb was like lightning running past me, full of rage and purpose. He grabbed Lea by the waist, breaking the daimon’s hold and tossing her out of the path of the dagger.

And the dagger found a new home.

A boy and a girl, one with a bright and short future…

“No!” The scream tore from my throat, from my soul.

The blade sank deep into Caleb’s chest, all the way to the hilt. He stared down at his chest, staggering back. The front of his shirt looked like someone had thrown black paint on it, soaking it.

I wrapped my arms around his waist just as he started to fall. “Caleb! No. No!Caleb, look at me!”

He opened his mouth, but no words came out. His weight carried us both to the cold, dirty ground. Those bright blue eyes dulled, fixed on some unseen point.

“No,” I whispered, brushing damp strands of hair off his forehead. “No no no. This isn’t supposed to happen. We were just getting soda. That’s all. Please!Caleb, wake up.”

But he didn’t wake up. Some part of my brain that was still functioning told me that people who died didn’t wake up. They never woke up again. And that Caleb was dead. He was gone before he even hit the ground. Pain—so sharp and so real—cut through me, taking away a chunk of my soul.

The universe ceased to exist. There were no daimons, no Lea. There was just Caleb– mybest friend, mypartner in dysfunction, the only person who gotme. My shaky fingers slipped over his boyishly shaped cheeks to his neck, to where his pulse no longer beat. A piece of my world ended just then, gone forever with Caleb. I pulled him into my lap, pressing my cheek against his. I thought that maybe, if I held him long enough and wished hard enough, all of this would be just another nightmare. That I’d wake up, safe in my bed, and Caleb would still be alive.

Hands delved deep into my hair, wrenching me backwards. I lost my grip on Caleb and fell onto my back. Stunned and vastly empty, I stared up at the daimon. She’d been a half-blood—once a Sentinel—sworn to kill daimons. Not their own kind.

She gripped my head, slamming it back against the concrete. I didn’t even feel it. Dark rage filled me. It rushed through my system, so potent that I tumbled over the edge. She would die, and it would hurt.

Seizing the sides of her face, I shoved my thumbs into her eyes. She let go, shrieking and pulling at my hands. Someone was screaming and screaming… and I pushed harder. Tears and blood mingled, streaking down my face. I couldn’t stop. All I could see was her shoving the blade into Caleb’s chest.

Pain was everything. I had no idea if it was physical or mental. It swamped me in waves and waves of hurt. And then the daimon flew backward and someone dropped down beside me. Firm, strong hands caught my wrists in a gentle grasp and hauled me to my feet. I caught the familiar scent of sea and burning leaves.

“Alex, calm down. I’ve got you,” Aiden said. “Calm down.”

It was me who was screaming, and making a terrible sound that was so final, so shattering. And I couldn’t stop. Aiden flipped me around, pressing me against the muck-covered wall. He whirled on his heel, slamming his blade deep into the chest of a daimon.

I slid down, turning to the side. The daimon half edged along the very same wall.

Blood ran in rivets down her face from her damaged eyes, but she could still senseme. Blue light erupted, briefly swallowing everything around me. The daimon half flew backwards, striking the ground beside Caleb. Screams filled the air—as did the smell of burning flesh.

Then arms were around me, lifting me to my feet. The moment his hands brushed mine, I knew it was Seth. He half-dragged, half-carried me out from the narrow alley behind the dining hall and into the darkness of the quad. I fought him the entire way, throwing punches and clawing. Sentinels and Guards rushed past us, but they were too late.

They were too late.

When Seth let go, I tried moving past him, but he grabbed my shoulders. “I can’t leave Caleb like that! Let go!”

Seth shook his head, his amber eyes luminous in the darkness. “We’re not going to leave him there, Alex. We wouldn’t—”

I punched him in the stomach. He grunted, but did little else. “Then you get him! Get him out of there!”

“I can’t—”

I hit him again. Seth’d had enough. He caught my wrists in one hand and held them between us. “No! You have to let me get him! You don’t understand! Please—” My words broke off in a sob.

“Stop it, Alex. We will not leave Caleb’s body behind the dining hall. You need to calm down. I need to make sure you’re okay.” When I didn’t answer, he swore under his breath. I felt his fingers against the back of my head. They were quick and gentle. “Your head is bleeding.”

I couldn’t respond. Even though my eyes were open and Seth was in front of me, all I saw was the shock on Caleb’s face. He hadn’t seen it coming.

Neither had I.

“Alex?” Seth’s arms eased around me.

The world started to unravel some more. “Seth?” I whispered. “Caleb is gone.”

He murmured something as he brushed his fingers over my face, wiping away tears that continued to fall. I didn’t speak again, not for some time.

Seth carted me off to the med center. The docs looked me over, determining that I only needed to be cleaned up and get some “much needed” rest. Someone washed the gore off my hands, and concerned looks were exchanged.

When they were done, I stayed where they’d left me. The white walls blurred. Seth returned just as I’d sat back down. I stared at him, feeling nothing inside me.

He came to my side, strands of hair hanging loose around his face. “Aiden and the rest have disposed of the daimons. There were only three of them, plus the half, right?” He paused, running a hand through his hair. “They managed to kill two of the bridge Guards, and they wounded another three Sentinels inside the Covenant. You’re… lucky, Alex. So very lucky.”

I stared down at my fingers. There was still blood under my fingernails. Was it mine, the daimon’s, or Caleb’s? Seth grabbed my hand, leading me out to the hallway.

He stopped briefly. “They have Caleb’s… body. He’s being taken care of.”

I bit down on my lip until I tasted blood. I just wanted to sit down and be left alone.

Seth sighed, his grip on my hand tightening as we walked out of the med center. I didn’t ask where we were going. I already knew, but Seth felt the need to make sure I understood.

“You’re in a lot of trouble.” He ushered me through the dark campus. It was near midnight, and Guards were everywhere. Some were patrolling, some huddled in groups. “Just to warn you, Marcus actually threw something. Lucian was woken up, and the gods know he didn’t appreciate that. They’re going to want to know why you were outside your dorm.”

Numbness settled into my body. Perhaps that was why I wasn’t worried about Marcus. I stumbled along behind Seth, stopping when he opened the Academy doors and the statue of the three furies came into view. Why hadn’t they broken free? The Covenant had been breached again.

Catching what I was staring at, he squeezed my hand. “No pures were harmed, Alex. They… they don’t care.”

But Caleb had died.

Seth tugged me away from the statues. I was only barely aware of the crowd gathered at Marcus’s door. The moment I stepped into the room, Marcus let loose. Lucian remained standing, which was new for him. Both of them yelled at me simultaneously, and then they took turns when the other appeared out of breath or out of words. What they said was pretty much the same old: I was irresponsible, reckless, and out of control. I didn’t tune them out like I’d normally would. I soaked up everything they said, because what they said was true.

As I sat there staring up at my uncle and seeing real emotion in his face for the first time in a long time—albeit anger—I remembered another cryptic warning Grandma Piperi had left me.

You will kill the ones you love.

I should’ve stayed in my room like I was supposed to. There was a reason why a curfew had been imposed. The sanctuary of the Covenant had been violated once. I’d forgotten that, or I just hadn’t thought about it, or cared.

I never stopped to think.

“I don’t think any of this is helping.” Seth stood behind me while I sat in the chair. “Can’t you see she’s upset? Maybe you should let her rest and ask questions tomorrow.”

Lucian whirled around. “Of course none of this is helping! She could’ve been killed! We– you—could have lost the Apollyon. As the First, you should have been aware of what she was doing. She is your responsibility!”

I felt Seth stiffen behind me. “I understand that.”

“And you?” Lucian snarled at me. “What were you thinking? You knew there had already been a daimon attack here. It was not safe for you or any student to be out there at night!”

There was nothing to say. Didn’t they understand that? I’d been wrong, so very wrong, and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it now. Closing my eyes, I looked away.

“Do not look away from me when I am speaking to you! You are just like your—”

“Enough!” Seth shot around the chair, nearly overturning it in the process. “Can’t you see there’s no point in talking to her right now? She needs some time to deal with the loss of her friend!”

Several Council Guards moved forward, ready to intervene. None of them looked like they wanted to. I’m sure they remembered what’d happened to the Guards in Lucian’s house over the summer.

Lucian’s nostrils flared with anger, but he backed down. A moment of clarity pushed through the grief. Why had Lucian backed down? Apollyon or not, Seth was just a half-blood and Lucian was the Minister. It was more than just strange, but before I could really catch hold of the realization, it slipped away as another thought pushed to the surface.

Seth remained where he was, between me and everyone else in the room. He was like a wall of fury, and no one dared to move a step closer. It struck me then why everyone was afraid of there being two of us. Seth alone was a force to contend with. They were already fearful of him. Even Marcus seemed visibly affected, but Seth after I Awakened…?

“All right.” Marcus cleared this throat. He strode forward, keeping a wary eye on Seth. “These questions can wait until a better time.”

“Sounds like a plan to me,” Seth replied casually enough, but he watched Marcus like a bird of prey.

Sidestepping Seth, Marcus stopped and crouched down in front of me. I stared at him. “Now do you understand that everything you do, every decision you make—even the slightest one—will have great consequences?”

I did, and I also understood he was talking about more than just Caleb, but also about Seth. However, Marcus had been wrong about one thing the last time he’d lectured me. My actions didn’t just reflect upon Seth—they were a catalyst for how Seth would react.

CHAPTER 13

GRIEF WAS NOT SOMETHING THAT WENT AWAY WHEN I OPENED my eyes and found that the sun still rose in the morning. Nor did it pass when the sun started to decline and stars lined the sky.

I’d been mute and emotionless until I’d returned to my dorm and had seen the remnants of our movie party. Someone had gotten Olivia out of the room, but standing there, staring down at the Twizzler I’d thrown at Caleb’s head hours before, I broke apart. All I remember was Seth picking me up and carrying me back to the bed.

Sometime in the afternoon, Seth left. Returning before dinner, he tried to coax me into eating. But I’d hit the dark abyss that followed such things. Maybe I’d never really dealt with Mom’s death and the loss of Caleb had brought everything to the surface. I really didn’t know, but when I thought about her, I thought about Caleb and our spirit boats.

All I did was sleep, and it was the deep sleep where the nightmares of reality finally couldn’t reach me. During the random moments I was awake and fully aware of what was going on around me, I yearned for Caleb—and for my mom. I needed one of her hugs. I needed her to tell me everything was going to be okay, but that could never happen, and my heart couldn’t bear the idea of mourning Caleb, too.

Seth stayed by my side, turning into this protectively fierce creature who wouldn’t allow Marcus or any of the Guards into my room. He kept me in the loop, letting me know what was going on outside my room. Halfs were being searched again, but they believed Sandra was the culprit for the original attack. She’d been a Sentinel, so she’d been on and off the island so many times—enough times that they’d missed her when they’d searched the Sentinels and Guards. This whole time, their suspicion had been on one of the students, and it’d been a Sentinel.

He also tried telling me that what happened to Caleb wasn’t my fault. When that didn’t work, he went with the whole “Caleb wouldn’t want this” tactic. Then he relied on the one thing that usually stirred me up—insults and witty banter. I think he told me I smelled by the third day.

Eventually Seth seemed at a loss for what to do. He stretched out, wrapped his arm around me, and waited. It took a while for me to realize the heartache I felt had transferred to him. Seth didn’t know how to deal with it either, and at the beginning of the fourth day, it was like he, too, had lost his best friend. So we both lay there, silent and soul-sick.

Like two sides of the same coin.

Sometime during the middle of the night, Seth leaned over me. “I know you’re not sleeping.” A few seconds later, he brushed the limp strands of hair off my face. “Alex,” he said softly. “They’re having Caleb’s funeral at noon tomorrow.”

“Why… why aren’t they doing it at dawn?” I asked hoarsely.

Seth shifted closer, his breath warm. “The Guards who were killed will be buried at dawn, but Caleb was only a half-blood student.”

“Caleb… deserves a funeral at dawn—he deserves that tradition.”

“I know. I know he does.” Seth sighed deeply, sadly. “You have to get out of this bed, Alex. You have to go.”

I steeled myself against the sharp pang, but it still cut through me. “No.”

His head dropped to lie beside mine. “No? Alex, you can’t be serious. You have to go.”

“I just can’t. I’m not going.”

Seth continued to push the topic until frustration and anger took over. He jumped off the bed. I rolled onto my back and ran my hands over my face. My skin felt grubby.

Standing by the foot of the bed, Seth did the same thing with his hands. “Alex, I know this—all of this—is killing you, but you’ve got to do this. You owe this to Caleb. You owe it to yourself.”

“You don’t understand. I can’t go.”

“You’re being ridiculous!” he shouted, not caring if he woke up everyone on my floor. “Do you know how much you’ll regret this? Is that something else you want to eat away at you?”

There was a fine line between rage and sorrow, one that I tottered on. I tipped onto the side of rage this time. I pushed up, climbing to my knees. “I don’t want to see them hoisting his body up in the air and burning it! His body—Caleb’s body!” My voice cracked, along with my heart. “That’s Calebthey’ll burn!”

Just like that, the anger faded from Seth’s face. He took a step forward. “Alex—”

“No!” I raised my arm, ignoring the way it shook. “You don’t understand, Seth. He wasn’t your friend! You barely knew him! And you know what? You want to know the most messed up thing about that? Caleb looked up to you. He idolizedyou, and did you even give him the time of the day? Sure, you spoke to him every once in a while, but you didn’t know him! You didn’t care to.”

Seth rubbed his jaw. “I didn’t know. If I thought—”

“You were too busy fooling around with the girls or being an arrogant jerk.” After the words left my mouth, I immediately regretted them. I sat back down, heart racing painfully. “You can’t do anything… about this.”

“I’m trying to do something about this.” Those eyes sparked to life, glowing amber. “I don’t know what else to do! I’ve stayed with you—”

“I didn’t ask you to stay with me!” I screamed so loud my throat hurt. I needed to calm down. Guards would rush this room if I kept it up. “Just leave. Please. Just leave me alone.

Seth stared at me for what seemed like an eternity and then he left, slamming the door shut behind him. I collapsed back on the bed, balling my hands over my eyes.

I shouldn’t have said those things.

All this time I’d worried about having no control. Ironically, from day one I’d acted out-of-control. I didn’t control my anger or my impulses to do whatever I wanted. How had I fooled myself this entire time? Having control meant acting in the right way, at least most of the time. But I’d acted wild—reckless. I’d let my heart decide when I’d questioned contacting the Covenant after Mom and I had left. There was no logic behind that. My heart had destroyed whatever friendship I’d had with Aiden. And my heart and my selfishness had led me to sneak around with Caleb. If we’d just stayed in my room—or if I hadn’t moped around for a week—Caleb wouldn’t have felt the need to cheer me up. We wouldn’t have gone to get drinks.

He wouldn’t have died.

I don’t know how long I lay there tangled up in the blankets. My mind raced through my childhood with Caleb, the three long years without him, and every single moment I’d spent with him since I’d returned to the Covenant. Rolling over, I curled into myself. I missed him—missed Mom. Both of their deaths were linked to me, to decisions I’d made or hadn’t made. Action. Inaction. Marcus’s words came back to haunt me in those hours, over and over again. Everything you do…

On the fifth day, the day of Caleb’s funeral, the sun rose early and it shone brighter than I remembered for a November morning. In less than four hours, Caleb’s earthly remains would forever be lost. Five days since he’d died, one-hundred-and-twenty hours since the last time I’d touched him and heard him laugh, over seven thousand minutes of slowly adjusting to a world that didn’t include him.

And only a few short hours since I realized I’d never had any control.

I sat up, threw the covers to the side and swung my legs off the bed. Standing made me woozy at first, but I went into the bathroom and stared at my reflection.

I looked terrible.

One of the daimons had left behind faint, purplish bruises along my jaw and cheekbone. My hair hung in thick, straggly clumps. Red tinged the rims of my eyes. Slowly, wearily, I peeled off the disgusting clothes and dropped them on the floor. In the shower, I leaned my forehead against the cool tile, letting my mind go blissfully blank.

Cold water bounced off my skin by the time I pulled myself from the shower and wrapped a large, white towel around me. It was when I mindlessly tugged a comb through the tangles in my hair that something occurred to me.

In the dim light, the scars covering my neck looked shiny and uneven. I always kept my hair down and wore long sleeve shirts to hide the red patches on my arms. Those scars had never seemed to heal like they should’ve. I did everything and anything to hide the scars. Scars left behind from my own reckless, thoughtless actions. So ugly—

Instructor Romvi’s words came back to me. You should be less worried about your vanity.

The big-toothed comb slipped from my fingers. Hurrying from the bathroom, I went to the small kitchen area and straight to the wicker basket beside the microwave. I rummaged through napkins, clips, and other stuff I never used. Among them I found a pair of orange-handled scissors. Picking them up, I doubted they would cut through most things, but they’d do.

I went back to the bathroom and grabbed my hair, pulling it around my shoulder. My own wide, brown eyes stared back at me. The hair, wet and thick, hung past my chest. Without thinking twice, I positioned the scissors just above my bare shoulders.

A hand shot out, snatching the scissors from my grasp. So fast—so unexpected—I shrieked and jumped back. Seth stood there, dressed in all black. I clutched the front of my towel and stared.

“What are you doing?” Seth handled the scissors as if they were a snake about to sink its fangs deep into his skin.

“I… I’m vain.”

“So you were going to cut your hair?” He sounded incredulous.

“Yeah, that was the plan.”

He looked like he wanted to question that further, but he turned around and dropped the scissors on the dresser. “Get dressed. Now. You’re going to Caleb’s funeral.”

My grip on the towel tightened. “I’m not going.”

Ignoring me, Seth went into my bedroom. “I’m not arguing with you about this anymore. You’re going to his funeral, even if I have to drag you there.”

I didn’t really believe that. So I was shocked when I tried to shut and lock the bathroom door, and Seth whipped around. He pried my hand off the door and yanked me out of the bathroom.

Exhaustion and hunger made me slow, and I had a death grip on my towel. Those were the reasons I ended up pinned to his chest, both of us on the floor in front of the bed. I could feel his heart hammering against my shoulder and his breath against my cheek.

Seth’s hands were clamped on my arms, keeping me from delivering a nasty elbow to his face. “Why… why do you always act like this? Why? Why did you do this to yourself? All of this could’ve been avoided.”

The sudden tightening in my throat warned that the yawning emptiness was still there, lingering. “I know. Please… please don’t be angry with me.”

“I’m not angry with you, Alex. Okay, maybe a little.” He moved slightly, pressing his head against mine. Several moments passed before he spoke again. “How could you do this to yourself? You– youof all people should have known better.”

I felt the tears start to well up again. “I’m sorry. We didn’t—”

“You could have died out there, Alex—or worse.” Seth let out a ragged breath, his fingers tightening around my upper arms. “Do you know what I thought when I felt your panic?”

“I’m sorry—”

“Sorry wouldn’t have done a damn thing if I’d lost you, and for what?” He grasped the sides of my face, turning my head so I had no other choice but to face him. His eyes searched mine. “Why? Is it because of what happened with Aiden?”