Текст книги "Everlasting Sin"

Автор книги: J. S. Cooper

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Chapter 6

Riley

Present Day

The taste of sin is sweet. Ridiculously sweet—like honey dipped in sugar. It’s satisfying for one distinct moment before you realize that it’s too much and you regret taking a bite. Especially if you’re like me and you’ve taken the biggest bite your mouth could handle.

“Riley, there is no way that you are going to be able to go in there and fool those guys into believing that you know a thing about underground fighting.”

“You don’t know my powers of persuasion.” I laughed. “And my acting skills are also great. I’ll be fine.”

“Unfortunately, I do know about your bad wannabe-actress skills. Also, you don’t have any powers of persuasion.” Eden shook her head. “Just because you watched one YouTube video about how to persuade people to believe you’re invisible doesn’t mean you have any mad skills. In fact, it gives you no skills and makes you a bit of an idiot.”

“I’m going to believe I didn’t hear that.” I stared at my reflection in the mirror. “Do you think I should cut my hair? Or dye it or something?”

“No way.” Eden jumped up and grabbed my arm. “If you cut off your beautiful hair, I will kill you.” Her fingers played with my long brown hair and she sighed with envy. “You have gorgeous hair, Riley. You know what I would do for your chestnut tresses.”

“I told you I’ll sell it to you.” I grinned at her and stared at her golden bob. “Though, half the world wishes they had naturally blond hair like you.”

“Uh huh.” She flopped down on the bed. “Anyways, this is not about me. Are you really going to try and infiltrate the fighting ring?”

“Yeah.” I looked at her in excitement. “This is my first real assignment. I can’t mess this up.”

“It’s not going to be dangerous, is it?” She looked at me with a worried expression. “You don’t want me to get Hudson down here, do you?”

“Whatever.” I rolled my eyes while my insides flushed at the mention of her brother’s name.

“You know he’ll totally drive down if he thinks you’re up to something bad.”

“Don’t tell him.” I gave her a stern look, and she laughed.

“You’d think he was your brother and not mine.” She shook her head. “Though I suppose I should be thankful that he thinks he has two younger sisters. I’m very grateful that he is on your case more than he is on mine.”

“Argh. I’m not,” I moaned. “My mom asked him to look after me when I was six. He doesn’t have to keep doing it like it’s his job.”

“It’s because he loves you like a sister,” Eden explained. “He plays the overprotective-big-brother role to a T.”

“Yeah he does.” I smiled at her before I turned around and walked to my closet.

“Did I tell you that he’s going on an around-the-world trip in a few months?”

“Oh?” I turned around in surprise and tried to still my beating heart. “For how long?”

“No idea. He thinks he’ll be gone for a year or two.”

“A year?” I frowned.

“Yeah,” she nodded. “You should be happy. I’m enthused. We can finally date boys and not have him acting like he’s a part of the FBI and they’re criminals.”

“Yeah.” I gave her a weak smile.

I was hurt that Hudson hadn’t called me to tell me of his plans. But then after what had happened three years ago, nothing had been the same.

“We’re twenty-one, Riley. We’re ready for real relationships.” Eden sighed and stared up at the ceiling. “I’m ready to lose my virginity.”

“Yeah,” I mumbled, my face burning up at the huge secret I was keeping from her.

“I hope it’s romantic and sexy.” Her eyes glazed over as she daydreamed out loud. “I hope he has short, dark, silky tresses and sky blue eyes. I hope his lips are soft and sweet and taste like cotton candy. I hope my body trembles at his look and shivers at his touch.”

“Eden!” I burst out laughing. “You have been reading way too many Harlequin books. You really need to stop.”

“Shhh!” She grinned at me. “A girl can only hope right. Knowing my luck, it will be one, two, three, bam, and then he’ll fall asleep on me and I’ll be thinking, Is this it?”

“It won’t be that bad.”

“How do you know?”

“I don’t.” I made a face and closed my eyes for a second, remembering my first time. It had been as gentle as it was rough, sweet, bitter, and sweaty, and I had still been able to taste myself on his lips as we’d kissed and climaxed together. It had been the best night of my life. And also the worst. The most wickedly devious night of my life, and I wanted to relive it again and again.

“Well, we both need to find out then.” Eden giggled. “And preferably soon.”

* * *

"Hi, I'm Riley." I smiled wide at the group of guys in front of me. "I'm from the school newspaper," I continued and then groaned inside. "Not high school, by the way. I'm in college. At State," I mumbled, seeing that I was losing their attention. "I'm going for my English degree. I know, I know. Should I be studying journalism or some sort of broadcasting?" I paused as I saw a few of the guys yawning. "Anyways, I don't mean to bore you." I smiled tentatively this time. "I just wanted to introduce myself so that you know who I am if I ask you any questions or if you see me in the changing rooms." I tried not to sigh as I saw all of the guys looking at their phones. I'd lost them. Eden was right—I had no business being here. I wasn't a journalist, and I knew nothing about fighting or fighters. "Does anyone have any questions?"

"What are you doing tonight?" one of the guys shouted out, and the other guys laughed. He gave me a boyish smile, and I smiled at him without reservation.

"Hopefully talking to you," I shot back at him, and he raised his eyebrows at me. "What's your name?"

"Channing." His blue eyes twinkled at me. "Yes, like Channing Tatum."

"You wish." The guy to his right punched him in the shoulder. "You’re as much Channing Tatum as I am Denzel Washington." He rolled his eyes, and all the guys laughed again.

"What's your name?" I smiled at the handsome black guy, who looked much hotter than I considered Denzel Washington to be.

"Justin." He smiled boyishly at me. I laughed to myself at my thoughts. None of these guys were boys. Their bodies were fit and muscular, and while they were all still rather young, they were all definitely men.

"Nice to meet you, Justin." I found myself blushing as I felt him looking me over in a very inappropriate way.

"You too, Riley. I'd be happy to give you a private interview any day of the week—or should I say night."

"So who's the best fighter here?" I changed the subject, not wanting to give anyone the wrong impression. I knew how easy it would be to make one or some of the guys get the wrong impression of me, and I didn't want that to happen.

"Batman." Justin smiled wryly.

I looked around the group of six guys. "Who's Batman?"

"He's not here right now," Channing said with a shrug. "I guess he's too good to join us for a group meeting."

"Don't mind Channing." Justin rolled his eyes. "He's just a bit jealous."

"Jealous of what?" Channing's voice rose and he scowled at Justin.

"You're jealous ‘cause he's the new guy and he's already a better fighter than you."

"He's not a better fighter."

"He's in it to win it."

"We're all in it to win it." An extremely handsome boy spoke up. "Isn't that why we're all here?"

"Why are you all here?" I interjected eagerly. What made all of these guys want to enter the underground fighting match of the year?

"A million dollars." Justin flashed his perfect white teeth at me. His light brown eyes looked at me with a clear, honest expression. "We all want a chance to win a million dollars."

"But only one of you can enter the contest to represent this club, right?" I thought back to what I already knew about this underground world.

There were only a few private gyms that had access to the underground fighting championships, with Nick's being the only gym in the state. There was an annual championship and there were no rules. At least I'd heard there were no rules. And that people died. Or rather men, as no women had ever gained entrance.

"Yeah, the best member at each club gets to take part." Justin smiled at me again, his dark mocha skin seeming to glow in the bright lights. "And this year it's looking like that will be Batman."

"That's his name? Batman?"

"That's how we know him." Justin shrugged. "You'll meet him soon enough. He never misses a fight."

"A fight?"

"We have fights every week. The one who wins the most fights will represent Nick's and fight against the best nine fighters in the country."

“Nine?”

“Yeah. There are ten fighters who get to participate.” Justin held up both of his hands. “So you have a one-in-ten chance of winning a million dollars.”

Channing’s eyes narrowed at Justin’s words, and I could tell he was thinking about the money.

“So Batman is the best fighter here?”

“No.” Channing jumped up. “I’m going to knock his fucking brains out, punk-ass bitch.”

“He’s not talking about you.” Justin laughed, but I could tell he looked anxious. “Batman’s only been coming to the gym for two weeks. We were all pretty sure Channing would be the one representing us before he arrived.”

“It’s not fair.” Channing glared at me. “He’s trying to take my spot. I’ve been training for this shit for two years and he thinks he can just show up.”

“He’s a new fighter?” I asked curiously. “How did he get a spot with you guys?”

“Nick’s cousin is his best friend.” Justin answered me.

“I’ll punch Luke’s fucking face in as well.” Channing hit a boxing bag with such power that it swung back and forth furiously.

I stopped breathing for a second. “Luke?”

He couldn’t be talking about the same Luke I was thinking of. He just couldn’t be. Because that would mean that Batman was Hudson. And I didn’t know if I could stand to be around Hudson now. Not after everything that had happened.

“Let’s not talk about him.” Justin jumped up. “What else do you want to know?”

“I guess for now I’ll just watch you train, if that’s okay?” I closed my notepad and put it into my bag. “I just want to observe.”

“Sure, whatever.” Justin nodded, and the other guys stood up, walking away from me. They all went in different directions, and I wasn’t sure which one I should follow.

I stood there for a few moments when I noticed that Channing was in the corner just standing there. I walked over to him slowly and stopped just in front of him.

“Hey, everything okay?” I asked him softly, hoping he was not still angry.

He looked up and nodded. “I’m fine.” His blue eyes looked sad, and I felt sorry for him even though I didn’t know why.

“You may still get the opportunity, right?” I tried to be encouraging. “Maybe this Batman guy will mess up? I mean, who calls themselves Batman?”

“A douche, that’s who.” He gave me a small smile. “Thanks for your kind words. I guess it’s not over until the fat lady sings.”

“Exactly.” I smiled wide. “You look like you’re pretty strong to me.”

“I’m strong, but the championships are about more than strength. They’re also about being smart.”

I looked at him in surprise. “Oh?”

“You thought it was just about the fighting, didn’t you?” He laughed and shook his head.

“I did.” I looked at the ground, feeling slightly embarrassed.

“Hey, you wouldn’t know.” He touched my shoulder, and I looked up at him. His expression had changed, and there was a look of curious wonder and interest in his eyes. “Do you know anything about fighting?”

“I know a bit about boxing and MMA.”

“This isn’t MMA.”

“Oh. I thought it was similar?”

“Mixed martial arts is still pretty controlled. Underground fighting is dirty. It’s physical and psychological. You have to be aware of everything. The most important part is your mind. Not your muscles.”

“I didn’t know that.”

“Maybe I can take you out to dinner and explain everything to you.” His expression changed even more this time, and I felt my heart racing. I didn’t know what it was about Channing, but something about him made me pause. He seemed like a nice guy, but when he grew angry, there was a light in his eyes that made me wonder just how angry he could get.

“Yeah, that would be cool.” I nodded and looked around the room. I saw Justin motioning for me to come join him and I nearly cried out in happiness that he was saving me. “But let’s talk later, yeah? I think Justin wants to talk to me.”

“Okay.” Channing looked disappointed, and I quickly walked away from him.

“Hey, how can I help you, Justin?” I almost ran up to him, and he laughed.

“You’re funny.” He grinned. “I’m actually just about to lift before the fights start. But it looked like you needed someone to intervene.”

“Thanks. Is he always this intense?” I paused and blushed. “I hope you don’t think I’m offending him.”

“I’m not concerned if you offend him or not.” He laughed again. “Channing’s just pissed because he thought he was going to get to go and then Batman came in at the last moment.”

“So...this Batman. He’s really good, huh?” I stared at him thoughtfully. “How come he’s not here right now?”

“He comes and goes as he likes. I think he trains somewhere else. He just comes here for the fights.”

“Oh.”

“Stay around and you’ll get to meet him. He’s a different guy. A bit older, but he seems cool.”

“I have class in ten minutes. I should really get going. Hopefully I can meet him when I come tomorrow.”

“Yeah.” He nodded. “He comes every day. Even when we don’t want to see him.”

“Sounds like you like him just as much as Channing does.”

“That obvious?” He shrugged and picked up some weights. “I don’t know. It’s just all fucked up. We all need this fight. We all want this opportunity. It’s just not right that we’ve been here busting our asses for months and he just shows up.” He looked me in the eye then and leaned forward. “I’ll tell you this, Riley. I’ve got a bad feeling. A really bad feeling.”

Chapter 7

Hudson

Present Day

I felt slightly out of breath as I got to the gym. I’d run twenty miles today, but I knew that it still wasn’t enough. I had to be in the best shape of my life if I had a chance of winning the million dollars. I laughed as I walked into the gym. “You don’t even have the entry yet, buddy,” I chided myself and looked around.

A part of me felt bad that I was going to be taking the spot that some of these guys had been practicing for over the last couple of years. But when I thought of Clara’s mom and Jamilah, I knew that I had to take a shot at the title. Luke had been delighted when I’d called him and asked for more information. I think he’d known that as soon as he’d mentioned Clara’s name he’d had me. There was nothing I wouldn’t do for Clara.

“Well, look who we have here, it’s Batman.” Channing’s voice carried through the gym. He sounded bitter and angry, and I knew that he had hoped he’d never see me again.

I knew that he was my biggest competition to represent Nick’s club at the championships. He had considered the spot his until I had shown up. I felt bad that I was going to take it.  I really did.

A female laugh made me pause, and I looked back around the room, slowly this time. Time seemed to stand still as I saw her. Her head was held back and she was laughing. I saw the long lines of her slender neck and I froze. She seemed to notice me then because she suddenly looked in my direction. Her eyes met mine and I felt as if the world had stopped. Time has stopped and images flashed into mine as I looked at her, and I was transported back to one of the last times we’d been together.

* * *

Four Years Ago

“Hudson, we should get back to the house.” Riley giggled as I made chocolate faces on my pancakes. “Eden and Clara will be wondering where we are.”

“Let them sleep some more.” I stared at her. I couldn’t stop myself from just looking at her face and into her eyes. Being with Riley made me feel happy. “It’s been so long since we’ve seen each other.”

“Well now that you’re a college guy, you just don’t have time for me.” She smiled, but I could hear the sadness in her voice.

“I figured you didn’t want to be bothered by me anymore. Now that you’re so busy with all those guys.”

She frowned. “What guys?”

“You know.” I tried to keep my tone light. “All your high school boyfriends.”

“What boyfriends?” She tilted her head and started playing with her hair. I felt a stirring in my stomach as I stared at her innocent expression.

“Don’t you call them boyfriends now?” I faked a laugh. “Are they all friends with benefits?”

“Friends with benefits?” She laughed. “What benefits?”

“You know.” My heart thudded. I wasn’t sure why I was going into this line of questioning, but I had to know if she was seeing anyone.

“No, I don’t.” She shook her head and then took a sip of water. I watched as her eyes widened and she looked at me in shock. “Hudson, you’re not asking me if I’m having sex with a bunch of different guys, are you?”

“No, of course not,” I groaned, and both of our faces went red.

“I don’t have any friends with benefits, Hudson Blake.” She leaned forward and hit me in the arm. “I can’t believe you would ask me that.”

“Sorry, I just thought...” I sighed and shook my head. “Forget what I thought. Eden told me something about you and that guy and I just assumed.”

She looked confused. “What guy and assumed what?”

“Well, it was a night you were playing seven minutes in heaven.”

“What?” She looked at me and laughed. “I’ve only played that once and that was ages ago.”

“Oh.” I looked at her lips again and sighed. So I’d gone and made a mess of things. “I thought you were practicing all your newly acquired kissing skills on other guys.”

“Don’t remind me of that night,” she groaned and looked at the table. “Thank you for humoring me that day.”

“I wasn’t just humoring you. I enjoyed it as well,” I said softly, and her breath caught. She looked up at me again and her brown eyes seemed to glow as we sought answers to unspoken questions. “I enjoyed it very much.”

“You’re just saying that.” She looked down, and I stared at her for a few moments before answering.

If she only knew just how much I’d enjoyed it, she’d think I was some sort of pervert. I’d thought about that night many times and I’d had dreams that that kiss had led to so much more.

“When have I ever just said something?”

“All the time.” She rolled her eyes. “Like when you didn’t call me an annoying brat when we were growing up.”

“You weren’t an annoying brat.” I laughed.

She looked up at me with laughing eyes. “Yes, I was. I cried all the time.”

“Then make it up to me.” I suddenly leaned forward. “Let’s go swimming.”

“I can’t.” She shook her head slowly. “I don’t have my bathing suit.”

“So?” I grinned, ignoring the warning bells that were going off in my head. “Neither do I.”

“But you’re a boy.”

“I’m glad you noticed.” I flexed my biceps and she grinned.

“You’re silly.”

“What’s new?”

“You shouldn’t have kissed me.” She blushed as she looked at me.

“What?” I licked my lips slowly.

“You shouldn’t have kissed me,” she repeated. “You have a girlfriend.”

“It was just an innocent peck,” I lied.

“I know that, but if anyone had seen, they would have thought something different.”

“Who?”

“Who what?”

“Who would have seen and thought something different?”

“You’re trying to be difficult, aren’t you?” She jumped up. “Let’s go.”

“Yes, Ms. Bossy Pants.”

“Whatever.” She flung her hair and walked towards the door.

I watched her walk for a few seconds before I put some bills on the table and followed her. I knew she was right of course. It had been wrong of me to kiss her and hope for something more while I was dating Clara. I sighed as I thought of Clara.

I wasn’t really sure how a relationship had occurred. It had just seemed to have happened. After the party, we’d kind of just kept hanging out on the weekends, and then one night, she got so drunk she couldn’t go home, so she stayed over. The next thing I knew, we were having sex and she was introducing me to her friends as her boyfriend.

It wasn’t that I had tried to stop any of it. I hadn’t. Not really. I felt that dating Clara made me a normal guy and not some pervert who was lusting over his little sister’s best friend. I mean, I used to tease Riley, pull her hair. She’d cried to me over the smallest, stupidest things. I’d seen her through pimples, braces, and awkward hairstyles, yet I couldn’t stop thinking about how beautiful she was when she smiled.

A part of me regretted coming to the house this summer. I had a bad feeling that someone was going to be heartbroken by the end of the summer. Maybe Riley was right. Maybe we should just go back home and I’d avoid her as much as possible.

“Hudson.” Riley came running back into the restaurant with eager eyes. “Hurry.” She grabbed my hands and pulled me out of the restaurant with her.

“What’s so urgent?”

“I’ve decided I want to go swimming.” She laughed. “Now take me before I change my mind.”

I stared at her in surprise, my heart suddenly racing. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, let’s do it.” She stood by the car door, waiting for me to open it, and I felt my heart leaping.

“Shit, I’m going to hell,” I muttered to myself as I opened the car.

“Sorry, what did you say?” she asked me with eager eyes, and I shook my head, smiling back at her.

“Nothing.” I took a deep breath. “Nothing at all.”

We drove for about ten minutes until I pulled off to the side of the road and stopped the car.

“This part of the beach is pretty desolate. I don’t think many people come here, so we’ll have some privacy.”

“Sounds good.” She eagerly jumped out of the car and ran to the sand.

I followed her eagerly, wondering what sort of trouble I was getting myself into. Riley kept running, and I frowned as I saw her jumping into the ocean.

“What are you doing?” I asked, confused as I watched her jumping waves.

“I’m about to swim. Why?” she shouted back at me, looking very youthful as she squealed.

“Uhm, you have clothes on.” I pulled my shirt and pants off and ran into the ocean after her.

“You thought I was going to take my clothes off?” She looked so shocked that I laughed.

“I thought we were going to skinny dip.”

“Oh.” Her eyes widened, and I saw them survey my naked chest.

“Yeah. Oh.” I shook my head and grabbed her around the waist. “Don’t mind me. I’m an idiot.”

“Put me down, Hudson!” she screamed as I swung her around in my arms.

“Sorry, what?” I grinned down at her as she clung to me.

“Put me down!” she screamed again, and I dropped her in the ocean. “Hudson Blake! Argh!” She splashed around in the water and I laughed. “I’m going to get you.” She stood up and started splashing me.

I tried not to stare at her breasts since her nipples were clearly visible through the thin, wet material. I turned away to stop myself from reaching out and touching her. I wanted to groan at the sudden tightness in my pants.

Riley jumped on my back and attempted to push me into the water. I stood there for a second, enjoying the feel of her against me, and then fell into the water with her still on my back. We splashed around for a few seconds, laughing and coughing up the salty ocean water. I jumped up and pulled Riley up with me. I held her in my arms for a second before letting go and taking a step back.

“This was fun.” She grinned through chattering teeth. “Though it’s a bit cold.”

“It would have been warmer if you were naked,” I joked, and she poked me in the chest.

“Sure it would have.”

“I’m just saying.”

“Do you and Clara go skinny dipping a lot then?” She looked up at me, and I couldn’t tell if she genuinely wanted to know or if she was just trying to bring Clara’s name up to remind me that I had a girlfriend.

I shook my head. “No.”

“I wonder if she’s up and making cocktails already.” Riley giggled, but I frowned at her words.

I was worried about Clara’s alcohol intake. It seemed that she was always getting drunk these days. I thought back to the day we’d first met and how I’d thought she didn’t drink, but Clara had a problem with alcohol. I just didn’t know how to confront her about it.

“Let’s hope not.” I dove into the water and swam out into the ocean.

I loved swimming in the ocean’s never-ending pool of water. It was so different than swimming in a regular pool. The expanse of water was so large in the ocean that I felt like I could drift off and just keep going. In a pool, you always had to stop and turn around. There was something so jarring about swimming in a pool that wasn’t there in the openness of the ocean. I could float away in the ocean and forget all of my worries.

I finally stopped swimming out and started swimming back to shore. I could see Riley standing there watching me with big open eyes. I wanted to know what she was thinking, what she thought of me. Did she think I was a creep because I was flirting with her while I had a girlfriend? Did she hate my kisses? Did she know that she was as special to me as she was?

I swallowed a mouthful of salt water by mistake and starting coughing as I swam back. It was taking longer for me to swim back to the shore because the current was strong and kept pushing me farther back. I knew better than to panic, continuing with my front crawl, and kept trying to swim back to shore.

“Hudson!” Riley called out. “Come back in now please. You’re scaring me.”

I could hear the panic in her voice as she waved me in. I wanted to shout back that I was coming, but I knew I needed to keep my mouth shut in these murky waters. I didn’t want to swallow any more salt water, and I didn’t want to expend my energy trying to communicate with her. I increased the pace of my arms and tried to double up my strokes as I attempted to swim back to Riley.

I saw her start swimming towards me and I panicked. I didn’t know if Riley would be able to make it back to shore with these riptides if she made it all the way to me. I took a deep breath and started swimming furiously. The only thing on my mind was making sure that Riley didn’t make it all the way out to me.

I could see Riley’s arms flailing as she got close to me, and my heart stopped for a brief second before adrenaline kicked in. I swam towards her and grabbed her around the waist before setting her on her back and swimming back with her to the sand. This time, there was no current too treacherous for me to defeat. There was no way I was going to let anything happen to Riley. I made it back to shore in record time, and I carried a coughing Riley out of the ocean.

“You okay?” I looked down at her face as she coughed up salt water and tried to calm my nerves.

“I’m fine,” she sputtered. “I was worried about you.”

“I’m fine as well.” I glared down at her. “That was a stupid move to make, coming out into the water to save me. How did you think that was going to happen?”

“I didn’t think.” She glared back at me. “I just acted. I just wanted to help.”

“You nearly drowned.”

“Only because I had my clothes weighing me down and the current out there is crazy,” she muttered back to me.

“Don’t ever do that again, Riley.”

“I didn’t want to see you die, Hudson.” Her eyes filled up with tears. “I had to do something.”

“Shh.” I crouched down and pulled her into my arms. “It’s okay now. We’re both fine.”

“I know.” She nodded and looked into my eyes.

We were both still for a moment before our lips met, slowly and unsteadily at first, as if neither of us knew what the other one wanted. Then the kiss deepened and we fell back into the sand, our tongues exploring each other while we held hands. The kiss only lasted for a few minutes before we both just lay back and stared at the sky in silence. My heart was beating fast as we lay there, exhausted, but happy, both of us wishing that we were somewhere else. That it was just the two of us.

My ringing phone upset the mood, and I groaned when I saw Clara’s name on the screen. I was going to ignore it when I saw Riley look at the screen and jump up.

“I guess we should go.” She looked into the ocean and avoided my eyes.

“Yeah.” I nodded and got up.

We walked back to my car in silence, neither of us mentioning the moment we’d just had. Neither of us bringing up the fact that there was something developing between us. I guess we both realized that, with Clara in the picture, nothing could happen. Or at least nothing should happen. What sort of people would we be if we went ahead while I was still in a relationship?

* * *

Everything in the gym seemed to go still as I stared at Riley. All the old feelings hit me once again—feelings that had never really left me. I watched as she raised her hand and waved at me with an awkward smile. I stared at her for a moment, not knowing what to do.

I felt guilty that a part of me was so excited to see her. I wanted to run over to her, pick her up, and give her a big kiss. I wanted to hold her close to me. I wanted to feel her warm body against mine once again. I wanted to be able to love her freely. But then I thought of Clara, and the color that had seeped into my world for a brief moment faded to black once again. I turned away abruptly without even acknowledging her and walked to the locker room with my heart beating fast.

Why was she here? I was annoyed. I hadn’t expected to see her. I didn’t want to see her. Riley could make what was very simple become complicated again. I closed my eyes and then went to splash my face with cold water. I felt bad for ignoring her, but I knew that was the only way. I had to be indifferent to her. After everything that had happened, I couldn’t allow myself to seek joy in her presence. I was a sinner and I had to pay for what I had done.