Текст книги "Bastard"

Автор книги: J. L. Perry

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Текущая страница: 11 (всего у книги 30 страниц)

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Carter

Over the next few weeks, life seems to get harder. Even though I finally have my car back, which is a fucking relief, Indi and I are spending a lot of time together. I’m finding the more I’m with her, the more I don’t want to be without her. It’s so fucked up. It sucks to want someone when you know you can’t have them.

I try my hardest not to show it and continue to give her a hard time whenever I can, but with every passing day I’m finding it harder to resist her. I should’ve just taken her when she offered it up to me, but for once in my life I tried to be the good guy. I put her wellbeing before my own needs.

Not a day goes by that I don’t think about what we did that night, or that sweet pussy of hers. I want to be buried balls deep inside her. More. Than. Anything. Don’t even get me started on that mouth of hers.

Things at home are getting worse as well. I’m not sure how much longer I can continue to bite my tongue around Fuckwit. I think he’s figured out that I won’t fight back because I don’t want to upset my mum. He’s using it to his advantage. He now taunts me every chance he gets. Fucker. I need to get the hell out of here before I ruin everything.

If I lose my shit with that motherfucker, it will ruin things for my mum. As much as I hate him, I love seeing her happy. I’ll never understand why, but he does that for her.

And then there’s Indi. If I let this thing between us go any further, I’ll ruin her as well. I don’t want to cloud her sunshine with my darkness. She’s pure and I’m not. How can something that feels so right be so wrong? Life can be a real bitch sometimes.

I feel like the walls are closing in on me. Some days it gets so bad, it’s a struggle to even breathe. It’s still a few months before I turn eighteen. In my heart I know I’m not going to last that long.

••••

On Saturday night I’m sitting at my desk in my bedroom, doing homework, when I see Indi climb out of her bedroom window. Where in the hell does she think she’s going? Fuck. Today I’ve avoided her like the plague. I just needed some space to sort through all these unwanted feelings I have for her. Looks like that was a waste of fucking time. I can’t sit here and watch her sneak off to God only knows where. Anything could happen to her.

I watch to see which direction she’s heading before throwing on a shirt. For some reason she’s walking down towards the lake. Although it’s a warm night, she’s got rocks in her fucking head if she intends on going for a swim.

By the time I put my shoes on and jump out of my window, a few minutes have passed. I hope she hasn’t gone too far. I should’ve grabbed a torch. It’s so fucking dark out here. I have a good mind to throw her over my knee and spank her for leaving the house at this time of night on her own. Christ, she makes me fucking crazy sometimes.

I’m mumbling profanities under my breath when she comes into view. She’s sitting on the dock all alone, her feet dangling over the edge. I can only see her silhouette by the aid of the moonlight. It’s casting a silvery glow over the water, illuminating her.

My heart rate picks up as I get closer. I have this love/hate thing going on with the feelings she ignites within me. Although I kind of like it, it’s also foreign and scares the crap out of me. When I’m around her I feel alive. I thought that part of me died a long time ago. I can’t explain how this tiny little spitfire, who annoys me to no end, can make me feel that way, but fuck me she does.

“What are you doing out here all alone?” I ask annoyed when I’m standing a few feet behind her. She doesn’t answer, but I clearly see her hand come up and wipe her eyes. Fucking great, she’s crying. I don’t know how to deal with this shit. I haven’t cried since I was a kid. Why do women have to be so damn emotional?

What I want to do is turn around and walk the fuck away. But I can’t do that to her. Jesus Christ. I know I’m gonna regret asking this. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” she sniffles. She’s not fucking fine. “Can you just leave me alone?” Even though she just gave me the out I was hoping for, I can’t walk away from her. One: because she wants me to, and the stubborn part of me won’t allow her to tell me what to do. Two: because for some reason, seeing her upset tugs at my heartstrings. Shit.

I take the few steps that are separating us and sit down beside her. “If you’re fine, why are you crying?” Did I just ask her that? Now I want to punch myself in the mouth for being so stupid. For some reason though, I want to know why she’s upset.

“I told you I’m fine.”

“Okay. If you say so.” I know she’s lying but I’m not going to push it. I’m not leaving her though. We sit in silence for a few minutes staring out over the lake. When I see her raise her hand to her face out of the corner of my eye, I know her silent tears are still falling. It hurts me to see her like this.

I move my hand slightly to the left and lace my fingers through hers. She may not want to talk but I find myself hoping that me being here is comforting. “Today is the anniversary of my mum’s death,” she whispers. Fuck. That explains the tears.

“I’m sorry,” is all I say. Lame I know, but I’m not good with shit like this.

“My dad locks himself in his room every year on this day. He drinks a bottle of scotch and cries. I can’t stand it. It tears me up inside. That’s why I’m sitting out here. So I don’t have to hear him.” Christ. I have no words for what she just told me, so instead I squeeze her hand.

Holding her hand and being so close has all my senses on high alert, but I have a feeling tonight she needs a friend more than anything. “I’m sure you both miss her. I’d be lost without my mum,” I confess.

“We do. The only memory I have of her is being sick. My dad tried his best to shelter me from her illness. She was in bed a lot. I remember on her good days my dad would let me lie with her. She’d sing to me sometimes and stroke my hair.” A small smile graces her face when she says that. “It makes me sad that her life was cut so short. She was only twenty-eight when she passed. Mostly I’m sad for my dad. He’s so lost without her. It’s like when she died, his light went out. I know he loves me, but it’s a different love to the one he had for my mum. He does a good job of hiding it most days, but days like today shows just how much her death has affected him. I also hate that she missed seeing me grow up, and before you say anything smart, I’ve grown a lot since I was six.”

“Really? You must’ve been fucking miniscule when you were six then.”

“Ha ha,” she says bumping my shoulder. She walked right into that one.

“Jokes aside,” I chuckle, “it would’ve been tough for him. Losing his wife and having to bring a child up on his own.”

“It was. I’m sure it still is at times. Is your dad still alive?” she asks. Usually that question would get my back up, but tonight it doesn’t. I’ve never talked about this with anyone before, but surprisingly for the first time in my life I want to talk about it. I want to open up to her.

“I have no idea. The day he found out my mum was pregnant with me, he took off.”

“So you’ve never met him?” she asks turning her face to look at me.

“No. It’s only ever been my mum and I. Well it used to be until she married that cocksucker.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispers squeezing my hand. “Do you have any other family? Like grandparents?”

“No. My mum’s parents kicked her out when she got pregnant. Apparently she brought shame on the family. She lost everything because of me. She took me back there when I was five. It didn’t go down too well. My grandfather called me a bastard and slammed the door in our face.”

“What? Oh. My. God. That’s awful. I’m sorry that happened to you. Is that why you always refer to yourself as a bastard?” she asks. I can hear the sorrow in her voice as she speaks. I probably shouldn’t have opened up, but I actually feel a kind of relief talking about it. Like a weight has been lifted off my chest.

“It’s the truth. I am a bastard. Nothing can change that.” After all these years I still feel shame when I think about that day and what that word means. She lets go of my hand and reaches up to turn my face towards her. When I see tears welling in her eyes it brings a lump to my throat.

“You’re not a bastard, Carter. Please don’t ever think that way about yourself.”

“I still remember the day I looked up the meaning of bastard in the dictionary.” I exhale when I think back to that day. The motherfucking day I learnt what I really was. A person born to parents not married to each other. A person considered to be mean or contemptible. A person, especially one considered to be unfortunate. Irregular, inferior, or of dubious origin. “I was crushed, but I was just a kid. I guess I’ve learnt to live with it over the years.”

“You’re not a bastard, Carter. Just because you choose to act like one sometimes, it doesn’t mean you are one,” she enforces as another tear falls from her pretty green eyes. Seeing her shed a tear for me makes the lump in my throat grow. She almost sounds like she believes what she’s saying. I want to believe her, just like I wanted to believe my mum all those years ago, but it’s a fact.

“It’s okay,” I tell her as I reach up and wipe her tear away with the pad of my thumb. “As you can see I’ve embraced the fact that I’m a bastard,” I chuckle, but she doesn’t. My words actually make her look sadder. It tears at my fucking heart.

“Lots of people have children before they marry these days. It’s no big deal. It’s stereotyping at its worst. The older generations may have believed that bullshit, but in my opinion they should be ashamed of themselves. Those poor kids never asked to be born, yet they had to suffer that narrow-minded injustice for the rest of their lives. Hypocrites like your grandfather are fucked in the head if you ask me.” Her words make me laugh. “It’s not funny, Carter. Look at what it has done to you. It makes me so mad,” she adds frowning. She looks so fucking adorable when she does that.

She goes to say something else, but I lean forward and cover her mouth with mine. I love that she feels so passionate about this subject, and I love that she doesn’t think I’m a bastard. Everything she said is true, but sadly it still doesn’t make me feel any better about myself.

I’m still a bastard.

Maybe in time her words will help, but right now all the blood has left my brain and rushed straight to my cock, so I can’t think of anything else but her. I know we said we wouldn’t go there again, but I need this. I fucking need her.

When I tilt her head back and deepen the kiss, she moans into my mouth. Sliding my hands under her arms, I lift her up and onto my lap so she’s straddling me. Wrapping her legs around my waist, her hands snake around my neck. Mine slide around her tiny waist and I draw her body flush with mine. I love the way she kisses. The way her lips feel against mine. The way her soft body moulds against my hardness. I don’t think I’ll ever tire of it. Actually I know I won’t. I’m hooked—on her.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Indiana

My heart is still hurting for him. Thinking of how he must’ve felt as a small boy, and the fact that he’s been carrying that stigma around for all these years. It breaks my heart. Although unfounded, his attitude since the day we met suddenly makes sense. I hate that he feels so lowly of himself, especially since they were circumstances beyond his control. How could his grandfather, his own flesh and blood, label him like that? He was just a fucking kid. He didn’t ask to be born.

As I kiss him, I try my hardest to show him without words, how special he is, how much I care for him. How he’s nothing like the perception he has of himself. We’ve both tried so hard to keep our friendship completely platonic the past few weeks, but tonight I need him. I think he needs this, too.

I need to lose myself in him so I don’t have to think about my dad falling to pieces back at the house. So much for my damn ‘Distraction’ playlist. In between songs I could still hear his muffled cries. That’s why I came down here. Every year I dread this date. I’ve always hoped as the years passed, things will get easier for my dad, but not this year. Hopefully next.

Carter’s hands slide from my waist down to my arse. He draws me in, my centre pressing hard against his erection. I moan into his mouth. I don’t even recognise myself when I am with him like this. He makes me so wild. One of his hands move under my top as his fingers lightly skim up and over my stomach, making me shiver, until he’s palming my breast and pinching my nipple through the lace fabric of my bra. My hands tangle in his hair as I rock my hips forward.

I’ve only been kissing him for a few minutes and I’m already on the verge of coming undone. I could get addicted to the way he makes my body feel. Our kiss soon turns primal. It’s like we can’t get enough of each other.

His hand moves down between us as he rubs my clit through the thin material of my shorts.

“Come for me, beautiful,” he whispers as his lips make a trail across my jaw and down my neck. I lean my head back and moan. It only takes me a few seconds before I call out his name when my orgasm hits. When I open my eyes I find him looking at me, smiling. “I love watching you come.” I feel my face heat. “Don’t go all shy on me now,” he adds as he leans forward and plants a soft kiss on my nose.

I can still feel his erection pressing into my inner thigh. Sliding my hand down his body, I stoke him through his jeans. “Don’t,” he says pulling my hand away.

“What? Why? I want to give you relief.”

“No. I’ve been trying my hardest to behave around you for weeks. I let this go as far as it did tonight because you needed it. If we don’t stop this now, I may not be able to control myself. You make me crazy,” he admits.

“Well don’t stop.”

“I told you, we can’t go there, Indi. Your first time should be with someone special. That’s not me.” I move my hand up to cup his face.

“You are special, Carter. I want you to be my first.” I mean every word, too. I may regret it, but I doubt it. Even if we can’t be together after tonight, I’ll still treasure the fact that he was my first.

“You don’t mean that,” he says placing his hand on the back of my head, pulling my face into his chest. I can hear his heart beating wildly. I love being held like this, by him. When I’m with Carter, he makes me feel like nobody else but us exists in the world. He obviously has no idea how much I want this.

“I do. Please, Carter. Don’t make me beg.”

“I don’t do commitments, Indi. I’m not boyfriend material.”

“I’m not asking you to be my boyfriend,” I say pulling my head back so I can see his face.

“Well what then?” Even in this light, I can see his vulnerability. I wish he didn’t have such a low opinion of himself. I wish he could see himself through my eyes then he’d know just how special he is.

“I’m asking you to be my first. Nothing more. Just one night. I want you to do all the things you’ve done to the others.” Did I just say that? Yep, I did. It’s true though. Since the moment I saw Jennifer climb in his window, I wished it was me. Then there was the pink-haired bimbo.

“What others?” he asks.

“The girls that climbed through your window. Jennifer and the girl with the pink hair.”

“I didn’t do anything with the girl with the pink hair,” he chuckles.

“You didn’t? But I …”

“When I saw you watching us, I couldn’t go through with it,” he confesses.

“You couldn’t? Why?”

“Because you cock-blocked me.”

“I did not,” I say playfully slapping his arm. “Tell me the real reason.”

“Fuck. Enough with all the questions. I just couldn’t okay. I felt bad.” My lips turn up into a smile.

“Why did you feel bad?” I ask, my smile widening. I probably shouldn’t be probing him like this, but I want to know the reason.

“Just drop it,” he snaps.

“No. I want to know why.” He lifts me off his lap and places me back beside him in annoyance.

“I’m not going to answer that,” he says as his handsome face scrunches up into a frown. When he turns his head away from me, I get the impression he’s feeling uncomfortable, so I let it lie. Although, secretly I’m dying to know why.

“So are we going to do it?” I ask changing the subject.

“Do what?” he replies turning his head to look at me.

“You know … sex.” I can’t believe I’m even having this conversation with him. He chuckles at my comment making me blush. He probably thinks I’m so lame.

“Trust me, kid. As much as I’d like to deflower you, you’ll regret giving me your virginity.” Even though his words are telling me ‘no’, I can tell by the look in his eyes he wants this as much as I do.

“I won’t,” I say reaching for his hand. “I want this, Carter. I really do. Please don’t make me beg, because I will. No strings. I promise. Just one night, that’s all I’m asking.” God I’m so pathetic. He holds my stare, but doesn’t speak. Please say yes I silently chant in my head.

“You really want this?” he eventually asks.

“Yes. I want you.” He breaks into a full smile, showing his perfect white teeth.

“You’re not going to expect me to marry you or anything, are you?”

“What? No way. I don’t even want you as a boyfriend,” I screech.

“That’s just lovely, that is. Way to dirty talk it up,” he replies placing his hand on his chest, mocking fake hurt.

“I’m serious,” I say trying to hold a straight face. “I’m just using you for your body.” Seeing him like this makes my insides all warm and gooey. Even when he’s scowling he’s breathtaking, but when he smiles … no words.

“So I was right all along then?” he says when he stops laughing.

“About what?”

“You do want me.” He is so fucking smug sometimes, but he’s right. I do. I’m not even going to justify that with an answer. There’s no way I’m going to give him the satisfaction of being right.

“You’re so full of yourself,” I say nudging him with my shoulder.

“You’ll be full of me in a minute,” he chuckles, reaching for my hand as he goes to stand. I pull him back down.

“Can we stay down here? I’m not ready to go back up there yet.”

“You want me to fuck you down here? In the open?” he asks with surprise in his voice.

“It’s dark. No one will see us.”

“If you’re sure,” he says with a smile. “I never would’ve picked you to be so adventurous.”

“Well there’s a lot you don’t know about me.” That’s such a crock of shit. He’s right. I’m not the adventurous type at all, but he brings something out in me: A desire to let loose. To live a little.

“I’m gonna have to run back to the house and get a condom.” Leaning forward he brushes his lips against mine. “I’ll be back in a minute.”

“Okay,” I reply as he stands. You’d think I’d be nervous that I’m about to have sex for the first time, and in the open of all places, but I’m not. Not with Carter. I’m actually looking forward to it.

He returns a few minutes later with a huge grin on his face and a blanket and pillow in his hand. “Can’t have you getting splinters in your back, ruining that beautiful skin of yours,” he says as he spreads it out on the dock. When he’s not being an arse and giving me a hard time, he says the sweetest things. “You sure you want to do this?”

“Positive,” I answer as I reach for his outstretched hand. He pulls me to my feet and straight into his hard chest. He wraps his big strong arms around my waist, looking down at me.

“No regrets?” he asks.

I shake my head gently. “No regrets.” His lips meet mine. His kiss is soft and sweet, making my toes curl. I slide my arms around his neck when he scoops me up. Falling down to his knees, he gently lays me on the blanket, placing my head on the pillow. He lays down beside me, pulling me into his arms.

“You sure you don’t want to go back to my room?” he asks. God. Enough with all the questions.

“Just fuck me already,” I blurt out. I’m not even shocked by my words. I want this to happen. Like yesterday. I appreciate that he’s trying to do the right thing, but I’m not changing my mind no matter how hard he tries to talk me out of it.

“Jesus, those words coming out of your sweet mouth are hot,” he says. He sits me up and removes my top. I reach for the hem of his T-shirt, lifting it to reveal his heavenly abs and mouth-watering chest. He grabs hold of his shirt behind the neck and pulls it over his head. His hands then reach behind me, unclasping my bra. After I slide it down my arms and discard it, he gently lays me back down.

Moving his face forward, he draws one of my nipples into his mouth while his hands work feverishly on the button of my shorts. Leaning back on his haunches, he slides my shorts and panties down my legs. I watch his smile grow in the moonlight as he looks down at me.

I hear a growl come from deep in his throat as his lips trail a path down my abdomen. I push my head back into the pillow and moan when his face settles between my thighs. He grips the back of my legs and pushes my knees towards my chest, spreading my legs wide.

“I need to taste you again,” he whispers against my sensitive flesh. “I haven’t been able to get your pussy out of my mind.” I find myself smiling knowing he’s been thinking about that night, about me. I’ve thought about it as well—a lot.

He groans as his tongue swirls around my aching clit. I thread my fingers into his hair holding his head in place. His mouth is magnificent. I don’t want him to ever stop.

Within minutes he has me coming undone. He slides two fingers inside me as my orgasm pulses through my body. He doesn’t stop until my trembling body stills. “You’re so wet for me,” he says as he withdraws his fingers and pops them in his mouth, licking them clean. God, I love when he does that.

He stands and pulls the condom out of his pocket and removes his jeans. As much as I love being outside under the stars with him, I wish we had some light so I could see more of him in his naked glory. His body is breathtaking.

He rips open the condom wrapper with his teeth and slides it onto his impressive length. All I can think as I watch on is, I hope that monstrosity fits inside me. I’m definitely not having second thoughts, but I’ll admit the nerves are starting to settle in.

He crouches down, placing his hands on either side of my body before hovering over me. Leaning his face forward, his lips briefly meet mine again. I can taste myself on him. “This is going to hurt,” he says as he settles between my legs, lining himself up with my opening. “Are you sure you want to go through with this? It’s not too late to pull out.”

“I’m sure. I want this, Carter,” I tell him honestly as my hands come up to cup his face. He smiles before brushing his lips against mine.

“I’ll be as gentle as I can, okay. Try to relax.”

“Okay,” I reply. He glides the tip of his dick through my wetness before slowly pushing the head inside me.

“Sweet Jesus,” he groans before stilling, giving me time to adjust. Pulling back slightly, he pushes in a little further. His head falls back as a primal growl escapes him. I can already feel the sting as he stretches me. I’m not gonna lie though, knowing it’s me making him feel like this is an incredible turn on. “You feel amazing,” he breathes looking down at me. “Are you ready?”

I nod as his lips meet mine. He kisses me for a minute or so without moving. I’m sure he’s trying to distract me. It’s working. Without warning he withdraws before pushing all the way in. It stings like a bitch, but doesn’t hurt nearly as much as I thought it would. He stills again, giving me time to adjust.

“Are you okay?” he asks, gently brushing back the hair off my face.

“Perfect,” I answer. I can’t believe I’m actually having sex. And with Carter Reynolds of all people. The guy I love and hate all in the same breath. I’m no longer a virgin and I have no regrets. None whatsoever. I’m glad my first time is with him.

“I’ve gotta start moving,” he says a few seconds later. He groans again when he slowly withdraws before pushing all the way back into me. After a few more thrusts the burning sensation dissipates and I’m now moving with him. It feels amazing. He feels amazing. “I think I’m in love with your pussy,” he moans as he picks up the pace. I think I’m falling in love with him, but I’d never say that out loud. I shouldn’t even be feeling like this, but I have no control over my heart. “I’m not sure how much longer I’m gonna last. You feel too good. I need you to come again.”

“I’m close,” I say as I wrap my legs around his waist and dig the heels of my feet into his backside, pushing him further inside me. He lifts his body up slightly and moves his hand down between us to rub my clit as he continues to push into me, in short, fast thrusts. It’s all I need to send me over the edge. “Ohhh … I’m … I’m.” That’s all I manage to get out as the sensations take over, and I have the most intense orgasm I’ve ever experienced.

“Fuuuck,” he grunts as his body starts to jerk above me. I know he’s coming too. His body did the same thing when I gave him a blow job in his bedroom a few weeks ago. After a few more thrusts he stills inside me. “I think you’ve ruined me,” he says breathlessly as his lips find mine again. I fist my hands in his hair as I hold his face against mine. I don’t want this night to ever end.

Our kiss goes from soft to wild within minutes. He’s still inside me and I feel him harden again. We’re now on round two. This time he rolls over, pulling me with him so I’m on top.

His hands glide up my body before cupping my boobs and rolling my hard nipples between his finger and thumb. I tilt my head back and moan as pleasure floods my body. My palms smooth over his chest, gripping his shoulders to give me some leverage so I can ride him. I love the friction that this position provides. Carter lifts his head and sucks one of my nipples in his mouth. I love his mouth on me. I wrap one of my hands around his neck while my other one runs through his hair, holding him against my breast.

Now I know why Meg fucks like a rabbit. I could easily get addicted to this feeling—only with Carter of course. I’m not the type of person that would just sleep around with anyone.

Carter’s hands move back down to my waist. Gripping my hips, he lifts my body slightly before guiding it back down. He does this over and over. I have no words for the sensations I’m experiencing right now.

“You have a magnificent pussy,” he groans. “I could fuck you all day.” All day sounds wonderful. I don’t want this feeling to ever stop.

“Don’t stop what you’re doing … please,” I beg as my hips start to swirl in a circular motion, making my clit grind against him.

“I have no intentions of stopping,” he says breathlessly. “I need to kiss you.” He pulls my face down to his. Sliding my hands up his neck, I thread my fingers through his hair. He’s now pounding into me as our kiss heats up. The noises coming from both of us are feral. I think he’s just as lost in me as I am in him.

I’m right on the edge. I’ve been trying to hold off because I don’t want this feeling, or my time with him to end, but I can no longer stop the orgasm that’s looming. “Carter,” I moan into his mouth as my body convulses with the intensity of it.

“Fuck,” he grates out as my inner muscles clench around his dick. His hands grip my hips so hard I swear they are going to leave marks. He pumps into me as his own release comes, setting off another orgasm for me.

“Oh. Shit … I’m coming again,” I moan tugging on his hair as I throw back my head, crying out his name. When our bodies finally still, I collapse onto his chest. My skin prickles with the cool breeze.

“Christ, you’re so beautiful when you’re coming. You have no idea what seeing you like that does to me,” he sighs, kissing my forehead and wrapping his arms tightly around my torso. If I wasn’t so worn out I’d offer to show him again.

I get the strongest vibes from him, whenever we’ve been intimate. I can’t quite put my finger on it. Even though I have no experience, nothing to compare it to, I’m pretty sure what we have is special. It’s like he’s feeling everything I am. It’s so intense. But then he’ll say or do something that tells me he wants distance. It’s confusing. Maybe it’s just part of his charm. Maybe I’m reading too much into this. Or maybe he does feel everything I do. I doubt it. He’s probably like this with all the girls.

We stay motionless, wrapped in each other’s arms for what seems like ages, before he eventually slides out of me and places me beside him. I’m surprised by the loss I feel from no longer being connected to him.

Standing, he passes me my clothes before removing his condom and getting dressed. Tears sting my eyes when I realise my time with him is over. I don’t want this night to end. I don’t want this to be our last time together. When I told him one night, I honestly thought I’d be okay with that. Now I know that’s not the case.

Once I slip back into my clothes, I go to stand. “Don’t get up,” he says squatting down beside me and stroking his hand gently down the side of my face. “I don’t want you to go yet.” I feel my lips curl into a smile when he leans forward and kisses me. He lays down beside me and pulls me into his arms. Reaching behind him, he pulls the other half of the blanket over us. “Just let me hold you for a while.”

Carter

‘No regrets’ we said, but that’s exactly what I’m having. Not because of what we did. No way. I’ll never forget what she gave me last night. I’m not just talking about her virginity either.

My regret is now I’ve taken it this far with her, crossed the line I swore I’d never cross, I have to leave. It’s for her own good. I don’t have a choice.

It was sometime in the early hours of this morning that I made my final decision. I only hope I have the strength to go through with it. I haven’t slept a wink all night. It was around 3:00am when we finally left the lake and made our way home.

In my heart I knew it would be our last time together, so I didn’t want it to end. I even offered to let her spend the night at my house, in my bed, but she declined. I’ve never invited anyone to spend the night with me before. It’s funny; when it comes to her, my previous rules, the ones I’ve never broken cease to exist.