Текст книги "Lovely Distraction"

Автор книги: J. J. Dorn

сообщить о нарушении

Текущая страница: 16 (всего у книги 17 страниц)

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

I sat on the dark beach alone watching the waves crash onto the shore. I had done this every night since I had been there. I had trouble falling asleep in the huge suite alone. I found that the sounds of the ocean put me at ease. Tonight the moon illuminated the beach perfectly giving me the perfect view to watch the magnificent splendor of the ocean.

I caught myself wondering what Jamieson was doing at that exact moment and where he might be. It was hard not talking to him. He had tried calling me several times but I ignored him every time. I wasn’t sure if my resolve was strong enough to talk to him yet. I needed to give myself time to build up those walls again. I needed carefully crafted barriers. I had done it before, I just needed time to do it again.

I pulled my legs tightly against my chest and leaned my head on top of them. I knew it was well past midnight and I should probably try to sleep before the big day tomorrow. I was just about to stand up when I heard something behind me. The hairs on the back of my neck stood straight up. I mustered up enough courage to slowly turn around toward the sound and when I did, I wished so much that the ocean would swallow me up whole.

“Hello Jenna,” he said shoving his hands in the pockets of his jeans.

“What are you doing here Jamieson?” I demanded.

“I had to see you. I need to try to explain things.” He looked exhausted. His face hung low and his eyes looked like he had been up for days.

“There is nothing to explain,” I huffed, standing and stalking past him up the small path to my room.

He followed me of course. I flung open the door to my room and went inside trying to close the door on him but he wedged his foot in the frame, stopping me. He grabbed hold of my arm forcing me to turn and face him.

“Would you just stop for a minute and talk to me?” he pleaded.

“No! No! No! You don’t get to walk in here and demand that I talk to you now. It’s done. I finally accept what I should have a long time ago. You are not worth my love.”

He looked as if I slapped him. “Jenna…please just hear me out.”

My phone rang halting my thoughts for a split second. I ignored it and turned to face him. “NO! What is there to say? How can you really make this right? You made me believe we were married for months! Who does that?”

My phone rang again. This time I looked at it. Jacks’ bright smiling face lit up my screen. She should be in bed, it was late. Shit! I hope it’s not the baby, it is too early!

“Hello?” I picked up the phone and held up my hand to Jamieson indicating for him to be quiet.

I couldn’t understand what she was saying she was upset and crying.

“Jacks, slow down you aren’t making any sense. Is it the baby?” I asked nervously.

“No, it’s Lukas. He’s…he’s dead, Jenna. He was in car crash and he died,” she explained and then began crying uncontrollably again.

The sound she made when she cried I had never heard before, it was like a trapped scared animal. I slid against the wall and down to the ground before I fell over.

“I’m coming. I’ll be there soon,” I told her.

“I need you, Jens. I have to go,” she choked out the words and abruptly hung up.

The tears flooded and ran down my face instantly. It didn’t seem real, Lukas couldn’t be dead he and Jacks were going to have a baby soon. And what about Libby? Oh God Libby.

“Jenna what’s wrong, talk to me?” Jamieson pulled me back from my thoughts. He crouched in front of me.

“I have to go. I need to go now,” I said standing in front of him.

“Talk to me, Jenna. What happened? What did Jacks say?” he demanded taking ahold of my shoulders lightly forcing me to look at him.

“Lukas died. He was in a bad car accident and he didn’t make it. I need to go.” I heard myself say the words but they didn’t seem real. The tears came steady now.

“Oh baby, I’m so sorry. Let’s get you home,” he whispered and pulled me to him cradling my head against his chest.

“You will take the jet. I will call and have it ready immediately.” Havier told me.

I sat on the couch in the grand living room of the villa. Isobel sat next to me holding my hand and letting me cry against her. Audrey and Livy sat on the other side of me clutching my free hand. Jamieson paced nervously in front of me making calls. Julian and Derrick helped gather my things and load them in the car waiting outside to take me to the airport.

I had talked to my parents and they had reassured me that they were with Jacks. My Mom had indicated that Jacks was still in shock and didn’t quite understand everything yet. I just wanted to get there as soon as I could. My sister needed me and I was in fucking Santo Domingo. I had never felt so helpless in all of my life.

“We’re going with you,” Livy said, standing up as the boys passed in front of us with my bags.

“No. I will take her,” Jamieson spoke in a low, dark tone.

Livy looked at me for approval to tear him to shreds. “It’s alright Liv. You should stay with Julian. There’s nothing you and Audrey can do. I just need to be with my family right now.”

“If that’s what you want,” she conceded, sitting back down glaring at Jamieson.

“Okay everything is ready,” Jamieson said holding out his hand to me.

I contemplated not accepting it but in that moment I really needed someone to lean on. I reached up and took his hand. He helped me to my feet and everyone hugged me goodbye. Jamieson slipped his arm around me as we walked to the waiting car. He opened the door for me and we climbed in. He tucked me close to his side as soon as we sat down.

“I’m so sorry, baby. I’m so fucking sorry,” he whispered against my forehead.

I wasn’t sure if he was talking about lying to me for three months or about losing my brother-in-law, but it didn’t matter. I was too tired to fight with him and his strong arms gave me comfort. I settled in next to him and closed my eyes praying this had all been a bad dream.

We arrived at my sister’s home four hours later. They were the longest four hours of my life but I was just so relieved to finally be there. I raced up the stairs to of the front porch and I knew Jamieson was following me. He had insisted on driving me to the farm. I told him I could just catch a cab or have one of my parent’s meet me, but he refused.

I opened the front door of my sister’s house and proceeded inside. My Mother meet me in the in the hallway and I ran to her, pulling her in for a hug. She wrapped her comforting arms around me and spoke softly against my hair. “We have to be brave for Jacks now, darling. She needs us.”

I nodded my head in agreement and pulled out of her hug wiping my tears away. “Where is she?”

“She’s in her room. The doctors want her to rest as much as possible. They are trying to limit the stress on the baby.”

“Can I go see her?” I asked timidly.

“Yes of course, dear.” She gave me a small smile.

I knew Jamieson was still behind me. He had followed me into the house. I turned away from my mother and walked towards him.

“Thank you for bringing me home,” I told him quietly.

“You’re welcome.” He brushed a stray strand of hair out of my face.

“I’m going to go check in on Jacks,” I said at an attempt to let him know he was free to leave now.

“Good, I’m sure she will be glad to see you. I’ll be here when you’re done.”

“Jamieson—” I attempted but he immediately cut me off.

“I’m not leaving you, Jenna, not now.”

I didn’t want to argue with him so I just told him okay.

“Jamieson, why don’t you come help us entertain Libby.” My Mother spoke up from down the hallway. She had clearly been listening to our little exchange.

“I’ll be right there, Georgiana,” he said peering around me to flash my Mother a comforting smile.

“You don’t need to stay,” I tried again.

“Yes I do, now go check on your sister.” His tone left no room for argument as he turned and walked into the living room.

I took a deep breath and walked down the dark hallway to my sister’s bedroom.

“Jacks?” I whispered cracking the door slowly open.

She was lying on her side on the bed staring out the large window of the master bedroom. I watched as the large dogwood trees danced in the breeze.

“Jacks, can I come in?” I asked.

“Sure,” she answered unmoving.

I made my way around to the side of the large king bed and perched on the side next to her. She didn’t look at me; she just continued to stare out the window at the trees.

“Can I get you anything?” I asked her not sure what I should say or do. I had never seen my sister like this. She was totally zoned out.

“No,” she responded slowly.

“Do you want me to let you sleep?” I wasn’t sure my presence was really helping her.

She didn’t respond so I decided it was best to just sit with her. We sat there together in silence for a long time.

“What am I going to do, Jenna? How am I going to do this alone?” she finally asked.

“Oh Jacks, you’re not alone, honey. You have Mom, Dad and me. We will be here for you,” I tried to reassure her.

“I can’t do this on my own. I’m not strong enough. What am I going to do without him?” she said barely above a whisper and then I saw the tears run down her cheek.

I leaned over hugging her to me. “You are not alone. I am here Jacks, I will always be here. I love you.”

Jacks didn’t say anything more to me. She finally fell asleep while I sat next to her. When I was convinced she wouldn’t wake up for a while, I finally left her room.

When I closed the door to the bedroom I heard Libby’s soft giggles coming down the hall and my heart broke in two. My beautiful niece had no clue she had just lost her Daddy. I couldn’t even fathom how painful it was going to be to have to tell her.

I made my way toward the living room. When I got there, I saw Libby sitting at her play table in the corner and Jamieson next to her in a very small wooden chair.

“Do you want to come to my tea party on Sunday?” I heard Libby ask him.

“Yes I do,” he answered giving her a huge smile.

“Hey Libs!” I said faking my happiness.

“Aunt Enna!” she yelled and ran over to give me a huge hug.

“Where did my parents go?” I asked Jamieson.

Jamieson looked at me with concern. “They went to make arrangements. I told them I would stay with Libby and you.”

“Okay. I’m going to go make some coffee. Would you like some?” I asked him.

“Sure,” he said standing up to follow me to the kitchen.

“Enna can I watch cartoons?” Libby asked yanking on my jeans.

“You bet,” I told her, grabbing the remote and clicking it on for her. “We will be in the kitchen Libs.”

“Okay,” she said and took a seat on the couch watching her favorite show about princess’ and ponies.

I headed toward the kitchen and Jamieson joined me.

“How are you holding up?” he asked, analyzing me.

“Not good.” I told him honestly, choking back my tears.

“Is she awake?”

“No, she finally fell asleep.” I leaned against the kitchen counter out of exhaustion.

“How is she doing?”

“She’s devastated. She just keeps saying she can’t do this alone.” I stared passed him reliving my conversation with Jacks.

I didn’t notice Jamieson move closer to me but he had. He held out his arms and I conceded, willingly going into his warm embrace. He softly whispered soothing words running his fingers through my blonde hair.

“I’m so scared for her, Jamieson. I’m just so damn scared for her. She’s pregnant and her husband just died. How is she going to survive this?”

“She will, baby. Your sister is strong like you are. She will get through this; she will just need our help,” he cooed as he held me to him.

I hadn’t missed the fact that he included himself in helping my sister, which I was thankful for but also knew, was unrealistic. Things between him and I were still very much broken but right now I needed his comfort and strength to replenish me. I knew our time would come and I would have to admit that to him, but for right now I just ignored my nagging broken heart. Perhaps if I ignored it long enough it would just go away all on its own.

CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

An entire month passed and things had slowly started taking on a new normal. I moved in with Jacks and Libby to help out. I also started working full time at the farm to take over for my sister while she grieved the loss of her husband. The funeral was gut-wrenchingly hard. I was glad at least that was behind us. After that Jacks started coming out of her room more and interacting with others. This week she took Libby to school for the first time since the accident. She even came down to the barn today and watched me ride. She was making slow but steady progress and I couldn’t be more relieved.

My parents come by daily to check-in on us. My Mom makes it a point to take Libby for special outings a lot which has helped keep her mind off things. We also had one other consistent visitor. Jamieson has come out to the farm every day since the day we returned. I have tried my damndest to push him away but he refuses to go. Secretly I was glad he was around. Many times at night after Libby was asleep and Jacks had gone to her room I would confide in him about how difficult it had been. He would listen to me vent and cry always offering his support in any way he could. Other days, I would be cold to him—resentful at my need to have him around. It was on those days he would play and laugh with Libby giving me my complete space.

Jamieson knew what a tight-rope I was walking with my feelings regarding him and he was smart enough to allow me to work through them on my own time, but I knew that time was getting more limited by the day. I could tell lately he was growing impatient with me. I suspected there were things that he wanted to say but stopped himself given the situation.

“Come watch me, Aunt Enna!” Libby hollered from on top her pony pulling me back to reality.

“Okay, I’m watching,” I told her hanging over the three-panel fence of the outdoor arena.

“Alright I’m going to jump now!” She shouted as she kicked her pony into a trot.

I watched as she took the chubby white pony over a set of three low oxers.

“Awesome job, Libs!” I yelled to her.

“She certainly takes after her Mother and Aunt.”

I snapped my head around stunned to see Jamieson leaning against the fence with me.

“She does,” I beamed with pride.

“There is no stopping her now,”

“There definitely isn’t.” I agreed.

We continued to watch Libby jump another set of low jumps.

“Jenna, can we talk?” he asked cautiously.

“Uh, yeah what’s up?” I knew he was asking for a more serious talk but I was hoping I could just ignore that fact.

“Will you walk with me?” he said pulling away from the fence.

“Yeah just let me make sure Grayson can watch Libby.”

Grayson was just coming out to ride another horse so I jumped down from the fence to ask him.

“No problem. I have a few more to ride today so I will keep an eye on her. Not that she needs it,” he said smiling at her.

“Thanks Grayson,” I told him and walked toward Jamieson.

Jamieson led the way past the barns toward the large back field.

“What do you want to talk about?” I asked finally.

He stopped walking so I did the same. “I think it is time we talk about what happened, Jenna.”

“Alright.” I knew this day was coming and now I dreaded it was here, pretending was so much easier.

“I need to explain fully what happened in Vegas. I need you to understand,” he said intensely.

“Jamieson…” I didn’t really know what to say to try to stop him so I just let his name hang in the air.

“No Jenna. We need to discuss this. I need you to hear me out,” he protested.

“Okay,” I said softy.

“You know that I came to Vegas to see you and to stop you from marrying Cain. But I don’t think you really understand why.” He sighed and paced in front of me running his hands through his hair. “When I found out that he was cheating on you, I knew I had to stop you from marrying him. At first I told myself I was just going to tell you what I knew and let you decide what to do from there. I convinced myself it was the least I could do for betraying you all those years ago. I thought maybe then I would be able feel less guilty about the things I had done to hurt you. But when I saw you…I knew. I knew that things weren’t over between us. I could tell you still had feelings for me. So instead of telling you that night in my hotel room that Cain was cheating on you, I tried another tactic, I confessed my feelings for you and I prayed you would choose me. But you didn’t. You left, or tried to leave the suite but you got sick. You drank so much that night, which was also partly my fault. I should have tried to slow you down.”

He paused looking at me for reassurance but my face gave nothing away. I didn’t know what to think about what he was saying. It didn’t really change the fact he had lied and betrayed me yet again.

“But I still don’t understand why you then lied to me about being married? Why did I wake up with two huge diamond rings on my finger? And whose were they? Trinity’s? ” When everything first came out that night I hadn’t had the presence of mind to really think about why Jamieson had an engagement ring and wedding band but as time wore on, I had wondered if they were in fact the ones he had bought for Trinity.

“No! God, no. They were yours,” he snapped back quickly startling me.

I watched him intensely as his face went from defensive to shameful. “I had bought them in Aspen when I took you there to meet my family for Christmas. I was going to ask you to marry me then, but like a coward I let Uncle Phillip persuade me not to.”

“You were going to propose?” I asked astonished.

He watched me carefully. “Yes, Jenna I was. I loved you so much and I wanted nothing more than to take you as my wife.”

“Did you tell me this that night in Vegas? Did you show me the rings or something?” I was still confused as to how I ended up wearing them.

“No. After you passed out I stayed awake worried you might get sick again. I sat next to you for hours just thinking. I knew it was going to be the last time I would see you.” He looked at me intently. His eyes looked weary from so much pain. “While you slept I slipped your engagement ring off and slid the rings I bought you in its place. I told myself I just had to see you wearing them, even if it was just once and you knew nothing of it.”

He was ashamed by his actions that much was clear. He stopped looking at me and hung his head. “I fell asleep before I could switch the rings back. And when you woke up I was in the shower. I had decided that morning I was going to tell you about Cain and let you go on your way, but it all went to hell when you started jumping to conclusions about what happened the night before. But as I realized you didn’t remember anything about the night I saw an opportunity and like a selfish prick, I took it.”

“Why didn’t you just tell me what Cain was doing? Why did you have to lie?” I demanded stepping into his space forcing him to look at me again.

“Because I was worried he would convince you to stay with him. One thing I learned from the private investigator I hired to follow that bastard was he was cunning. He seemed to have favors all over the state and I was worried he would manipulate you into staying with him. So when you started freaking out thinking we had slept together, it hit me…if Cain thought your reputation was tarnished he may finally show his true colors. So I went with it. I noticed you were still wearing the rings, so I pointed them out to you knowing full well what you would deduce from them. I made you think we were married, Jenna. I lied to you, I manipulated you and I betrayed you because I couldn’t let you marry that asshole.”

My head spun from everything Jamieson was telling me. I watched in the distance as the high grass in the field blew in the wind like a majestic ocean wave. I tried to remember something from that night but still there was nothing. “How do I know you are telling me the truth now? You have a habit of lying to me.”

He let out a deep sigh before answering me. “I have lied to you, Jenna. I have been a selfish prick in more ways than one, but I swear to you it’s the truth. I know that means very little but it’s all I have to offer.”

“How could I ever trust you again?” I asked him barely above a whisper. “You know the first time you broke my heart, you let your uncle convince you that I was just a mere distraction to his master plan. This time you broke my heart because you didn’t trust that I would make the right decision if I knew the truth. How do I know you won’t hurt me like that again?”

Jamieson closed the distance between us and grabbed onto my shoulders staring deep into my eyes. “Listen to me, Jenna. I know I have made so many mistakes, but I promise you I will make it up to you. I should have been honest with you about Cain and let you make your own decision. I was an asshole and I chose instead to manipulate you. But I won’t apologize for breaking up your engagement. And yes, I screwed up all those years ago. I let my Uncle force me into making a horrible choice, but I learned from that mistake too. I learned that I can’t live without you. I don’t want to live without you and I will do whatever it takes to win you back.”

“You will?” I eyed him suspiciously.

“Yes, I will.” His words were simple, fierce.

“Alright,” I said barely above a whisper. I wasn’t totally sure what I was agreeing to, but I also knew that I couldn’t bear the thought of giving him up. In the last month I had come to rely on Jamieson more than I ever have in my life. If I had learned anything from watching Jacks struggle with the loss of her husband, it was to not waste time. I knew I needed him and it was clear he needed me as well.

He pulled me against him and kissed me gently. I let his lips caress mine lazily relishing in his touch.

“I love you, Jenna Middleton,” he whispered into my ear.

“I know you do and I love you too, Jamieson Wellington,” I said back to him before pulling his lips back to mine.