Текст книги "Run"

Автор книги: Holly Hood

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Текущая страница: 11 (всего у книги 14 страниц)

JULY 15

TH

I WATCHED THE WAITER walk away with an empty tray poised perfectly in one hand. I wondered what I was doing going out in a public place when Mason and I were all over the news.

Jay cut through my racing mind. “You look amazing,” he said with a big smile. He took a sip of his overpriced beer.

I smiled and nodded, trying to choke down the disgusting wine I was politely drinking. I was enjoying being wined and dined for once in my life. I didn’t know if I’d get another chance.

“Thanks, Jay. This is a beautiful restaurant,” I said, taking in the dimly lit restaurant. There were twinkling candles on every table, soft music playing, and the chatter of everyone around us as they enjoyed their fancy meals.

“I can’t believe you’re the girl Mason was talking about all these years,” Jay said.

I wasn’t sure what he meant by that. But I took it as a compliment. He was infatuated with me and I found it attractive.

I didn’t know how I felt about Jay’s interest in me. It seemed like no matter what I said or did, he still wanted me. I wasn’t sure I wanted to find out what his intentions were. Plus, I was too wrapped up in watching my life unravel right before my eyes.

After my fight with Mason I was still angry. But the bond that Mason and I shared would never go away. I still cared for him very much. I could never hate him; he was the only one always by my side. He was going through the same thing I was and we handled our stress in different ways. I needed to be more understanding and deal with Mason in a better way.

Mason wasn’t the first person to ever make me feel horrible. And I knew he wasn’t going to be the last. It was no wonder I had no self-esteem left with the amount of people who’d flown in and out of my life. Mason was the one constant, so it made no sense to stay mad at him.

“I have a big surprise for you,” Jay said. He dropped his napkin on his plate and left a generous tip on the table.

I took his hand and we left the restaurant.

We were by the water, just the two of us. I hadn’t caught sight of another person and I was glad. Jay wrapped an arm around me as we walked the pier.

I wondered what he saw in such a stupid country girl.

“Are you cold?” he asked, removing his jacket.

I nodded and accepted his jacket, impressed with his nice manners. I didn’t think he had it in him.

I watched the water move lazily with the moon’s reflection dancing on the surface. Jay pulled my hair away from my face and planted a kiss on my cheek and then sat down next to me.

“Can I ask you something, Jay?” I leaned back against the wooden post.

“You can ask me anything,” Jay said, taking my hand. He squeezed it, waiting for me to ask what was on my mind.

“What do you want from me?”

His beautiful blues didn’t flutter and he didn’t have to think before giving me his answer. “Nothing. I just want to be near you.” He kissed me.

I enjoyed his kisses and the way his hands playfully slid through my hair.

“But I won’t be here for long. We do have to leave sooner or later,” I said, giving his lips another try.

Jay pulled away. He traced my bottom lip with his finger. “I wish you would stay with me. I could take care of everything. I just want to know you more.” His mouth found mine and I smiled at the soft nibble of my bottom lip. He grinned, waiting for me to say I felt the same way.

My mind was blank, I had nothing to say.

“Just tell me you feel the same way, Kendall, and I can make all your problems go away for you,” he said, his expression turning serious. He wasn’t joking.

I looked away, inhaling the fresh air. My heart was racing. Jay wanted to know me more. He thought I was beautiful and liked having me around.

The problem with what Jay wanted was none of it included Mason. And I wasn’t willing to hang Mason out to dry. I wasn’t selfish. I wouldn’t leave Mason to fend for himself. I could never be that cruel and heartless.

I tugged on the collar of his shirt and smiled at him.

“Why don’t you show me this surprise,” I asked. Surely this was enough to forget the conversation I didn’t want to have with him.

He took my hand, accepting defeat, and we headed further down the pier to one of the biggest boats I’d ever seen. The moonlight bounced off it as it bobbed around in the water. It was the kind of boat you would imagine celebrities rode in.

He helped me climb aboard.

Once I was seated, he opened a bottle of champagne. The sound of the popping cork echoed in the night.

“This is the surprise? To show me how disgustingly rich you are?” I laughed.

Jay sat down next to me, amused. “No, I was thinking the boat would be romantic. And if that didn’t work, I’d have to come up with some other way to persuade you to never leave me.”

I shook my head. He was certainly confident. “You’re really cocky. Sex can’t convince someone to want to be with somebody else. It’s just simply an added bonus,” I told him.

“It’s one of the best parts if you know what you’re doing.” He took my glass of champagne and set it down. With his eyes glued to mine, he started unbuttoning his shirt, one glorious button at a time. I watched carefully, nervous at what was to come next.

“Jay, I appreciate everything you’ve done for Mason and me…” I started.

He shushed me and pulled me to my feet.

“I don’t want to talk about Mason right now,” he said, his hand finding my neck. I closed my eyes at the feel of his lips against my neck. He was hard to resist.

“I don’t want to talk about him either. What I’m trying to say is…”

His mouth collided with mine. He backed me up and pushed me down on the bench, climbing on top of me.

I ran my hands down his chest. Jay carefully undressed me, taking his time.

“What were you trying to say?” he asked, his hands taking hold of my thighs. He pulled me closer, staring down at me.

“I don’t want to lead you on,” I said as he freed me from my dress. He let it fall to the floor.

“I think you’re incredible and I want you right now,” he insisted.

I smiled, undoing his belt. Who was I to say whether or not his feelings were genuine?

“Do you want me?” Jay asked, stepping out of his pants.

Staring at his flawless skin and perfectly toned and muscular body, I knew exactly what I wanted at that moment.

I nodded in agreement, enjoying this amazing guy, every part of him.

And he was right, sex with him was impressive.

But even the great sex couldn’t stop me from thinking about Mason.

JULY 19

TH

I CLICKED OFF THE WEBSITE I was on just as Mason came up behind me. He handed over an iced tea with a lemon wedge garnishing the glass.

I gave a small smile and took a sip. The coolness quenched my parched mouth.

We were still at Jay’s and I was trying to avoid him. He was constantly trying to persuade me to stay in Jersey with him.

It wasn’t going to happen.

“What’s so interesting?” Mason asked, eying the computer behind me.

I shrugged.

“Nothing—just celebrity gossip,” I lied. I wasn’t about to tell him that a google search had revealed that Aunt Wanda and Payton had been arrested on their way into Canada. I knew it would do to him what it had done to me—create a hole in the pit of my stomach.

I was sure Aunt Wanda and Payton would rat us out in a heartbeat if it kept them from going down. The fun and games for them was over and I could only imagine what the two of them were thinking right about now.

I appreciated my freedom.

Mason’s expression fell as he’d seen right through my lie. He walked over to the bed and sat.

“I didn’t want to say anything,” I said, taking a seat next to him. Mason groaned, getting up and taking off out the door. I hurried after him. “Mason, I didn’t want to upset you.”

Mason kept right on down the stairs not giving me a chance to explain.

Jay snagged my arm as I rounded the corner trying to catch up to Mason. “Upset who?”

I bit my lip, not wanting anyone but Mason. Now was not the time to play cutesy with Jay. We had a big problem on our hands.

“It’s nothing. I just need to talk to Mason.”

Jay nodded that he understood and kissed my forehead, letting me finish my mad dash out the door to Mason.

“I’m sick of watching him play cute and cuddly with you,” Mason said as I approached him on the patio.

“Me too,” I said in agreement. “That’s not what I came out here to talk to you about though. Mason, I don’t know how to even begin to say this to you.” I took a deep breath.

Mason gave me a confused look. He raised an eyebrow.

“They caught Wanda and Payton,” I said finally. I immediately grabbed him by the arm, waiting for some kind of reaction. “Mason are you okay?”

“What makes you think that I wouldn’t know this by now?” He raked a hand through his hair and shook his head. “I don’t even need to surf the internet to figure that one out.”

“So what do we do now?” I asked.

“Jay said he wanted you to stay here. He can help you. That’s a pretty sweet deal, Kendall,” Mason told me, avoiding my glare.

“No!” I burst into tears at the thought of letting Mason fend for himself.

Mason grabbed my shoulders and stared me down. “What the hell do you mean no?” He seemed angry with me for not wanting to accept Jay’s offer.

“I am not leaving you to figure this out on your own. What are you going to do?” I sobbed harder, sick to my stomach at the thought of Mason being alone.

“Kendall, I care about you. Please stop crying.” He wiped the tears from my face. “I’m an asshole most days, but I want you to get out of this mess. I want you to be happy.” He lifted my chin, forcing me to look at him.

“I care about you more than anything. And there’s nothing I wouldn’t do if it meant you didn’t have to go through this hell anymore. And we both know that’s how it’d be,” he said, kissing me on the cheek.

“I don’t want to lose you. You’re the only person I trust. And you’ve always been there for me,” I sobbed, hardly able to catch a breath as I begged him to not leave me.

“I want you to stay here with Jay. What’s not to like about him?” he asked, trying to be funny. I shook my head refusing to entertain his stupid idea. “Kendall, you like him. It’s obvious.”

“I don’t care.” I pushed Mason away from me. “I like a lot of things. We’ve went through so much together. And I will not let you go down alone.”

“Then you’re more stupid than I thought,” he said. Mason crossed his arms, agitated.

Jay stepped out the kitchen door. He looked at Mason, waiting for him to speak. I looked between the two of them, confused.

“She’s not going to do it,” Mason said finally.

Jay hurried toward me, but I quickly moved away. The realization hit me then—the two of them were in cahoots, trying to force my hand and manipulate me.

“Was this all one big conspiracy?” I looked at Jay. “You were sweeping me off my feet to help Mason with his problem?”

Jay opened his mouth to speak, but I interrupted him. It all made perfect sense now.

“Did you think I was that stupid?”

Jay shook his head. “I really like you, Kendall. This favor was just an added bonus.”

“I don’t like you and I don’t care if I ever see you again. You can take all your money and your help and shove it up your ass,” I said full of venom.

Mason groaned.

“I guess I’m all out of options. I wish you both the best,” Jay said, obviously hurt. “Anything I can help you with that’s on the up and up, let me know.”

He went inside, letting the door slam behind him.

I looked at Mason. He looked away.

I wished he understood that I didn’t want to leave him—he was all I knew.

I sat down on the steps next to Mason. His body was tense. He had his head down and he was twisting his hands in angst.

I bit my tongue, holding off on saying anything until I found the right words.

Mason looked over at me.

“Mason, I love you,” I blurted out. I brought my hands to my mouth, shocked at my own words.

“I love you too, Kendall.”

If you listened closely you could hear the ocean from the patio.

I took Mason’s hand in mine, our fingers interlocking.

“I love you,” I whispered, resting my head on his shoulder.

He let out a soft breath, pulling me close and kissing me on the cheek.

I think I made him feel better, if only for that moment.

JULY 21

ST

I COULD NAME about fifty horrible moments in my life. The time when we were held at gunpoint at a truck stop and Aunt Wanda drove away without me. I was only thirteen.

The level of fear that coursed through me as I stood there helpless against two men was terrifying. That was the first time I’d had to fight for my life, and I mean literally fight.

Those men were sorry they ever messed with me after I got done with them. I kicked one so hard in the nuts I was sure he never had kids after meeting cute little Kendall at that truck stop.

Aunt Wanda eventually circled back around. She smelled of booze and the car let out a cloud of cigarette smoke as she flung the passenger door open to let me back in.

“How long would you say it’s been since you were home?” Mason asked as we packed our things. We were getting ready to leave Jay’s and head back to our little hometown of Gusby, South Carolina.

“I don’t even know—I can’t really remember. Maybe ten years,” I said. I hated talking about it.

Mason zipped up the backpack and sat down on the bed. “The last time I saw you on those busted porch steps was when you were seven and I was nine,” he said. He looked at me to confirm, but there was nothing to confirm. I didn’t remember.

I hurried over to my backpack and started unpacking and refolding the shirts. My nerves were getting the best of me and I needed to keep busy before I lost it.

“That’s a long time,” I said, looking away.

“A really long time,” Mason agreed.

Nobody would have ever guessed Mason was a guy that came from South Carolina. He no longer had the traits of a stereotypical southerner. He’d grown out of it after so many years away.

He’d learned to be fast. He’d learned how to think on his feet to get himself out of any situation. He adjusted to every place he called home, no matter how brief.

I thought back when Mason was eighteen. Payton got involved with a pimp in New Mexico. Mason despised his mother so much at the time, but he wouldn’t leave. Instead, he did everything he could do to annoy this man until he beat Mason senseless. I had never seen someone so bruised, but he smiled all the way to the hospital. Mason knew as long as he hadn’t died his mother would get rid of her man after what he’d done to her son. And he was right—the pimp had left before the cops showed up after the neighbors called them.

We’d been through a lot of crap, plain and simple. We had stories that people would never believe. We lived through things most people only ever saw in the movies.

And in the end, we were going back to where we’d come from. It was the place where we’d first laid eyes on each other. I remembered it like it was yesterday. We had formed a bond from the beginning. I knew Mason would always be my protector. He would always be the guy that I could count on.

“Well, at least we get to fly out of here in a private jet,” Mason said, taking my backpack from me.

Jay was letting us use the family jet to get back home.

We were thrilled because the last thing we wanted was another road trip.

I wasn’t sure what to expect. It was the last place I ever expected to be going to. But now that so much had changed, it seemed like the right choice.

I took one final look in the mirror. My eyes stared back at me as if pleading for a way out. I tried on a smile to mask the fear, but it looked nothing but fake.

I turned and looked back at the room I’d stayed in one last time. I would miss the feeling of security this place had given me. I was even going to miss Jay and his grandparents and the staff. I really hoped I wouldn’t regret not taking the easy way out by staying here with Jay.

Someone tapped on the door. It wasn’t Mason as I’d expected, but Jay, looking very somber to see I was packed up and ready to leave.

“About that time?” he asked, pointing at the backpacks.

I nodded, allowing him to wrap his arms around me. I patted his back, trying to offer him some comfort. I knew there was something between us, just maybe not the same thing he thought.

“You know how to get in touch with me. I want you to be safe. Call me if you ever need anything?” He held my face between his hands, his eyes showing the regret that pained him for not being able to convince me to stay.

“I will,” I promised him. “You really are amazing, Jay.”

“Not enough or you would be staying here with me…not leaving with Mason.” He reluctantly smiled.

“Jay, don’t take it personal. Anyone would be lucky to be with someone like you. It’s just not in the cards for me. I have to finish this mess. Mason and I both do,” I insisted.

I knew I couldn’t start a new life without ending my old one.

“I don’t want to scare you, but what exactly do you think is waiting back home for you?” He searched my eyes.

I sighed, not even sure myself. “Meaning.” I kissed his cheek and picked up my things from the floor.

“That doesn’t make sense,” he said.

“I want to know what the point was to all of this. I want to know if I was better off living the life I have rather than the one I left behind,” I told him.

“And what does that help?” Jay scratched his head, confused. It was okay if he didn’t understand.

“It makes everything worth it. It helps me move on and deal with what is to come, whatever it may be. I had no choice. Maybe I am everything I was sure I’d never be.” I looked back at Jay and smiled.

“Bye, Kendall.”

I waved. “Bye, Jay.”

I started down the stairs ready to go to that little place Mason and I called home.

JULY 22

ND

I FELT LIKE A BIRD touching down from a glorious flight. When you’re above the world, everything below seems so insignificant. I was untouchable for the moment and somewhat detached from the world.

But that soon ended and we touched down in the small airport an hour away from Gusby. We were one of the thirteen colonies to declare our independence from the British Crown. The first state to vote to secede from the union—and I knew this because everyone in my family made it a point to say it at every arrest or big gathering just before a fight was about to break out. I think it gave them a feeling of importance.

We had the Atlantic Ocean. We had beautiful mountains that took your breath away. We had salt marshes and estuaries, swamp lands, and even farms. It could be a lovely place to live.

Oh, and we had heat.

“It’s as hot as the hinges of hell,” Mason said, hopping down from the steps of the jet. He nodded at the pilot and doorman as we headed toward the bus stop.

I ignored him, collecting my things, and I gave the jet one final look before we were gone for good from this little taste of luxury.

“It’s as hot as Hades,” I said, finally giving in and playing along with Mason.

He brought a hand to his hip taking everything in. His hair blew lazily in the heat.

“It’s as hot as a two dollar whore on the Fourth of July,” he shot back with a grin. It was the kind of grin that told me part of Mason felt good to be home.

I drew in my bottom lip trying to come up with something to top his. “It’s as hot as a billy goat in a pepper patch.” I laughed. We both took a seat on the lone bus bench. The cracked and peeling red paint crackled beneath my legs.

Mason handed me my sunglasses. We were trying to be as inconspicuous as possible. You never knew who you might run into. And everyone in Gusby knew everyone. We weren’t sure if that was the same for us—two kids that hadn’t been back in over a decade.

“It’s as hot as a summer revival,” Mason said, tapping my leg as a signal to try and outdo him. He leaned back, his arm slipping around me.

“Uh, let’s see,” I said. “It’s hot enough to melt the nuts off a brass monkey.”

We both laughed. The tension finally faded away as the bus came to a screeching halt in front of us.

The bus driver opened the door with one smooth move. He nodded his head at the two of us as we got on the bus. I gripped the seats one after the other, following Mason to the back.

I sat down first. We both stayed quiet as a guy in a seat closer to the front looked at us. I held my breath, hoping he didn’t know who we were. I feared we might be plastered in black and white all over Gusby. I imagined flyers covered with our images showing we were wanted for robbery and murder littering the streets. But the guy only nodded his head in our direction and went back to thumbing through the paper on his lap.

He threw his feet up on the seat in front of him. His dirty black boots cried out for a good spit shine or garbage can I thought to myself.

“It’s hotter than two gophers fucking in a wool sack,” Mason said, pulling at his collar.

I rolled my eyes. I was done with the hotter game. I was sweating like mad and wished we hadn’t left the air-conditioned jet.

Suddenly a loud noise came from Mason. I jumped, unsure what it was. He slipped a cell phone free from his pants pocket.

“Jay gave it to me. It’s legit,” he said, pushing me as he answered it. “’Sup, my main man.”

I stared out the window while Mason yucked it up. I knew it was Jay calling to check up on us.

I was nervous, more nervous than I’d ever been. Aunt Wanda warned me to never come back to Gusby. But I did because Mason and I both realized the best place to go out was where we came from. I had no favorite spots. I didn’t have some favorite state somewhere. This was home.

I wanted to feel like I belonged before everything ended for me—because that was a real possibility. I wanted to see what happened to everyone. I even wanted to see my old house.

Mason nudged me, pushing the phone against my arm. I took it and brought it to my ear.

“Hello?”

“Hey, gorgeous. How you feeling?” Jay’s warm voice sent an immediate pang of guilt and regret through me.

“Hey, handsome,” I said back.

“So is it all you thought it was going to be?” he asked, waiting for my answer.

“I don’t know yet. We’re still on the bus.” I looked at Mason. He smiled and pushed past me to see out the window.

“I was thinking about you. I’m glad you made it safe. I hate to sound like a sap, but I miss you.” He laughed, sounding embarrassed to have admitted such a thing.

“Thanks for saying that,” I told him. My cheeks warmed.

“I’m serious. I think you’re an amazing girl. The little I learned about you was remarkable. There’s nobody like you and I am going to be kicking myself for the rest of my life for letting you get away.”

I smiled. It felt good to hear someone talk so highly of me.

“Hey, we’re close to our stop. I’ll call you tonight maybe.” I remembered the old stop sign by the old pharmacy in town.

“Huckabees,” Mason said, jumping out of his seat. The kid in the front looked at him like he was nuts.

I said goodbye to Jay and snagged Mason by the arm so he would calm down.

“I want to hump you at Huckabees,” Mason said as he kissed my cheek.

I swatted him off of me, annoyed with his overly aggressive lips. The stubble of his chin scratched my face.

“Gusby!” the bus driver announced, sending chills through me.

It brought me right back to when I was a kid. I remembered my hair nice and neat, the yellow sweater over my red dress and even my shiny black shoes. I closed my eyes, trying to make out who was with me. I was clean and happy, smiling as I skipped to the back of the bus, a sucker in my grip.

“Kendall, let’s go!” Mason yelled from the front of the bus.

I shook the memory away and hurried to catch up. My hair fell in my eyes as I climbed out. The bus driver gave another nod before he took off.

I jumped down to the asphalt of my old stomping ground.

We made our way through town. Everything was still old. Storefronts were nothing but huge windows draped with dark curtains. The names were painted on them by hand like the last time I’d laid eyes on them.

The road was still brick and in need of repairs.

“The old church with the annoying clock,” Mason pointed out.

He was right. It chimed every hour on the hour—three dings. No matter if it was eight or three, just three dings.

“Remember the liquor store? And all the times you and I played outside while Payton or my mom was in there drinking free booze?” I said to Mason, laughing as we passed by it.

“They both blew Bobby Nathan behind the counter for free rum. Well, my mom did anyways.” He laughed dryly.

I was sure it wasn’t as funny as he was making it sound.

“Mom was more Vodka and Jack Daniels.” I sighed. He was right about the blow jobs, wrong about the drink of choice.

“I wonder if Bobby Nathan still runs this place,” Mason said. He stopped walking and spun back around on his heels heading right back to the old liquor store.

I gripped his hand tightly, afraid but intrigued. Mason didn’t hesitate, he marched right in. The bell chimed overhead, and, sure enough, there was Bobby Nathan—a little grayer but I still recognized him.

“Mornin’ all,” Bobby said, his thick southern drawl catching me off guard.

It had been a long time since I’d heard one like his. He was fatter than before. As he rounded the counter, his bulbous stomach jiggled with each step he took.

I wasn’t sure if he recognized us.

“Morning there, Bobby,” Mason said, looking around the store.

The wine lined our feet just like old times right by the old register. It was just as dusty and dark as the last time I stood inside it as a little girl. It even smelled the same—like dust and stale cigarette smoke.

Bobby studied us both long and hard. His eyes roaming over every inch of the two of us as he tried to solve the mystery. I could tell he remembered us but couldn’t place a finger on just who we were exactly.

“Now wait a minute, I feel like I know the two of you,” he said, waving a hand in the air as if to jar his memory.

Mason picked up a bottle of Jack Daniels and set it down on the counter. Bobby grabbed a brown paper bag and bagged it up in a flash. He kept his eyes on me, stumped.

“You remind me of someone. Just can’t place a finger on it.”

I smiled a little. It was either Leon Talbot Halstead III or my most wanted photo. I wasn’t anything like my mom as far as I knew.

“Well, I wouldn’t know who that would be. Not passing out clues. Maybe it will come to ya.” Mason grabbed my wrist and moved me toward the door before I would spill the beans, which I knew I wouldn’t.

Bobby shot me a friendly grin, confusion still paining his features.

We walked around the building and Mason undid the bottle cap and downed some of the Jack Daniels.

“Want some?” he asked, leaning against the brick of the store.

I took the bottle and inhaled the nasty liquor.

“I remember he used to call me a mutt,” he said, his expression growing serious.

“Mason,” I said. I touched his hand.

“I’m not bothered. It’s just all these years I forgot about that until this very moment. It’s funny how things come right back to you.” He grabbed the bottle back and took a long swig.

“I know what you mean,” I agreed, staring off.

“It meant a lot to hear you tell me you love me,” Mason said.

It was sudden and caught me off guard that he would bring it up. I sighed, leaning against the brick beside him.

“It might have been the best thing I ever heard. And I wouldn’t want to hear it from anyone else but you, Kendall.” He moved in front of me and took my hands in his.

“You’re the only girl I want to marry. To have kids with. The only girl I want to do any of that crazy shit with. You know what I mean?” He concentrated on our hands.

“Yes, I know what you mean. The idea of it,” I said. I knew just what he meant.

“I don’t know what it is, but I have always felt okay with you. You know how to pull me out of the dark spots and back into the light. Even when life sucks.” He moved in, closing the gap between us and kissed me softly.

I grabbed the back of his head pulling him closer, the taste of whiskey invading my senses.

We broke apart and I looked into his eyes. “Why, Mason, I feel the same way about your crazy ass,” I said with a smile. We kissed again.

“I’d never forget you no matter where I was,” he said, closing his eyes. He pressed his forehead against mine. I tried to force him to look at me, but he wouldn’t budge.

Everything was silent suddenly.

“Mason?” I asked as his body started to shake. I was confused until his tears hit my hands. He wiped them away with his fingers, holding my head hostage as he lost it, sobbing noisily. I stayed still and tried to pretend I wasn’t disturbed Mason was breaking down right in front of me. He never cried.

“I wanted to be a good person. I wanted to be better than my dad and mom. I was a little fucking kid. I wanted to be a race car driver,” he cried. His voice faltered, his nose was a running mess, and he sniffled every so often to deal with it.

“You are better, Mason. You know that. Please tell me that you know that,” I said from beneath all his tears. I was pinned in place trying to deal with Mason’s breakdown.

“Do you think I got a shot at heaven?” he asked.

I wrapped my arms around him. He hugged me tightly, resting his chin on the top of my head.

“Since when are you worried about heaven? I don’t know anything about religion. I never went to church.”

“When we were in Jersey, I sat in bed every night thinking about the death penalty. I don’t think I could do it. What if all those people’s family come and wish me to hell?” He didn’t wait for me to answer, he just kept right on rambling.

“What if I die for all my mother’s wrongdoings? She’s probably sitting back laughing her ass off right now. I slept with people to get us to the next state. I shot people for her. I stabbed people. I set fires, lied, stole cars, beat up an old couple.” He cried harder, confessing his darkest secrets.

I wiped his face, breaking free finally. He took a couple of breaths, letting me clean him up.

“You are a good person. You are the only good thing that’s ever happened to me. And I want you to stop beating yourself up about any of this. There is nothing you can do. There was nothing you could do back then or now. No one hates you, Mason. And fuck them if they do,” I said, suddenly angry that he was so sad.

He sat down, his back against the brick, clutching the Jack Daniels, his legs sprawled out in front of him. “I’d never know what to be anyway, right?” he asked, taking a sip as he looked up at me.