Текст книги "Alien in the Family"

Автор книги: Gini Koch

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Текущая страница: 25 (всего у книги 32 страниц)

“Christopher had longer odds because of his relationship to Jeffrey,” Nana Sadie added.

“Thanks. Oh, I assume everyone did the spit swear and pinkie oath?”

“Yes, Charles. Carla had to have a special memory implanted. Everyone else, no issues. Most of us had our suspicions aroused last year, when all those handsome men came and took us to special bunkers for our protection. It was nice to know what was really going on. The children were all given the same lectures the A-C children get, apparently, and they seem clear on why secrecy is important and why you don’t talk about your alien relatives or you go to the doctors for special tests.” Nona Maria was laughing.

“So you were all busy while we were out saving the world?” I didn’t know whether to be relieved or upset. Settled for a combination of the two. “And, Mom, everyone in the family knows, other than Aunt Carla? Even Aunt Ruth knows?”

“Your Aunt Ruth was relieved to find out that by A-C traditions you and Jeff had been engaged for six months. She was on board after that. Your Aunt Carla firmly believes you’re marrying the Martini and Rossi scion and one of the top fieldimageering teams is assigned to her. She’ll see what we want her to see, just like all the hired help, and that will be fine.”

“I can see so many ways this could end up not being fine. I can’t even talk there are so many ways.”

“Oh, Kitty, relax,” Nana Sadie said. “James, what’s your decision?”

“We’ll keep them.” He nodded. “Okay, girls, out of those. Make sure you bag your dress and mark it with the tag so there’s no confusion about whose is whose.” He pulled out his phone. “Need the pickup and returns I told you about. Right, very thankful, just didn’t work with the bride’s personal style. Right. Good, pronto.”

Reader closed his phone and looked at me. “I have the mother and grandmother dresses already picked out.”

“What’s Jeff wearing?”

He grinned at me. “What I picked out.”

“Is it a white jacket?” I asked hopefully.

Reader looked pained. “No, it’s not. He looked smarmy in the white jacket. He’s in something that looks great on him, and that’s all you need to know until the wedding.” He went into the bedroom, presumably to bag my wedding dress.

“I wanted a white jacket,” I called after him.

“Don’t care,” he shouted back.

“Ten dollars says she loves it,” Nana Sadie said quickly.

“Taken,” Nona Maria said just as quickly.

It was like I was in the middle of the Old Ladies Bookie Club. And it was run by my grandmothers. I needed a drink, but that was out of the question.

Made do. Grabbed a bottle of sparkling cider and chugged it.

CHAPTER 62

SEVERAL A-CS SHOWED UP and took the vast array of dresses away. I discovered we had a shoe store and a lingerie department in Chuckie’s suite, too. They’d just been hidden by the clothes.

Shoes and lingerie went a lot faster. Since I didn’t need a bra, Reader put me into a white lace garter belt with thighhigh white hose. We had the commando versus thong argument. I won; in my experience, being dressed up meant I was at risk for my clothing being destroyed and my dress flying up in the air. We compromised, and my thong was white lace. Shoes matched the dress; they were high, but comfortable.

“I need something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue.”

“Dress is new and borrowed.”

“James, that means I can’t get it dirty. It’s me, you know it’s going to get dirty.”

He sighed. “Fine. Jeff already told me to spend whatever on the dress you liked. Blue is handled.” He pulled a light blue garter out of his pocket.

“Nice. So, blue and new handled, right?”

“Right.” He looked at my grandmothers. “Who has a necklace or bracelet Kitty can borrow that will go with her dress? Older the better.”

Mom raised her hand. “I do. It’s what I wore at my wedding. Yes, it’s with me,” she added.

“What is it?”

“Diamond necklace, should work just fine with the dress, bracelet matches. It was your father’s wedding present to me.”

“Dad was a grad student when you got married.”

Nana Sadie shook her head. “Your Uncle Jacob is a jeweler. You think he didn’t give his brother a deal?”

“Right, sorry. Sort of dizzy and overwhelmed.”

“That’s the story of your life,” Chuckie said with a grin.

Everyone’s accessories covered, I was ready to collapse. Killing parasitic superbeings and dealing with psychos and megalomaniacs seemed so much easier than all of this. Everyone else also seemed to be having a great time. I wondered what was wrong with me.

“Okay, Four Seasons time,” Reader announced.

Every other woman squealed. “Um, huh?”

“Spa treatments. Of course, we had to stagger because we had so many, but everyone should be done with plenty of time for the party.”

“Party?”

“Your bachelorette party. Mentioned before? Let’s keep with the program, shall we?” It was like Reader had channeled Martha Stewart.

“Is Jeff going to have a bachelor party?” I tried not to sound apprehensive about this and failed utterly.

“No.” Reader was ushering. Chuckie already had the elevator, as near as I could tell.

“So, I get a party but Jeff doesn’t?” The last thing I wanted was him around a stripper, and it wasn’t like he could get drunk. But it didn’t seem fair that I’d get a party and he wouldn’t.

Reader sighed. “He’ll be taken care of.”

“How? This is Vegas. Define ‘taken care of.’ ”

“Tell her,” Chuckie said as Reader dragged me to the elevator. One car, with all my bridesmaids, had already gone down. “She’ll just whine and badger it out of you.”

“Fine. Jeff and the other guys will be ‘crashing’ your party. Okay? Happy the surprise is ruined?”

“Yes. ’Cause now I can enjoy it.” We held the elevator; Chuckie locked up; we all went down. The girls were waiting for us, all looking human. Chuckie led the way. I hung back and grabbed Reader. “I want a word with James. Not Sergeant Reader.”

He sighed dramatically. “Okay, girlfriend. What?”

“Do I get to plan anything?”

He gave me a long look. “Do you want to? Truly?”

I thought about it. “Honestly . . . no.”

“Right. Can we go?”

I took his arm, then stopped dead. “Oh, my God. James, I don’t have a ring for Jeff! I don’t have anything for Jeff!”

Reader shook his head. “Oh, ye of little faith.” He put his arm around my shoulders and started moving us along. “Do you really think I was going to let that slip?”

“You picked out the wedding ring I’m giving to him? I love you, and you have awesome taste, but, um, shouldn’t I be doing that?”

“You wound me.” He wouldn’t say another word until we were at the Four Seasons.

Right before we went in I got the “being watched” feeling again. I looked around without any attempt to appear casual. Saw no one taking an undue interest. Looked for Mister Joel Oliver. Didn’t see him or anyone in a trench coat. But I hadn’t spotted him before, Chuckie had. “James, do you feel like we’re being followed?”

“Feel like? No. Know we are? Yes.”

I stopped walking. “Excuse me? You know we’re being followed and you haven’t mentioned it? Is it more A-C spies? And why doesn’t Chuckie know?” I wasn’t at the dog-only register yet, but it was only going to be a matter of a few seconds.

“Slow down, calm down, deep breaths. We’re not being followed by A-C spies, at least not that I’m aware of. What we are being followed by are paparazzi.”

“I thought you told the designers we might have paparazzi as a clever ruse to get free dresses.”

“I did. The dresses arriving, however, ensured paparazzi. Sort of like a symbiotic relationship.”

“Why can’t I spot who they are?” I asked while looking around wildly.

Another sigh, this one heaved. “Girlfriend, the really good ones don’t stand outside and scream at you to get a shot. The really good ones ensure you have no idea they’re there.”

“I know they’re there. I just don’t know where. And why doesn’t this bother you?”

“Lived through it, it’s better if you just ignore that they’re there. Trust me.”

“Mister Joel Oliver’s found us every time. Is he watching us again?”

Reader grinned. “He’s handled.”

“Chuckie tell you about Security taking him away?”

“Yes. And we have an effective plan in place to circumvent his interference. That I’m not going to tell you about at this time.”

“What about the other paparazzi?”

“The plan will circumvent them, when we need it to.”

I figured we could stand outside the Four Seasons and argue about this some more, and thereby give the Invisible Spy Paparazzi more time to really get the lighting right for their shots, or I could do what the former top international male model said. I chose to go for the smarter option. “Fine. I’ll pretend I don’t feel eyes on me.”

“That’s my girl.”

We went in, and Reader checked me into the spa but had me stay in the waiting room. Two burly men came in with a couple, both dressed in business suits, the man in brown, the woman in red. Clearly, they were humans. They gave Reader wide smiles.

The burly men were carrying large cases wrapped in velvet. The couple gave Reader air kisses. I tried not to gag. The burlies opened the cases up—and I was treated to an amazing array of men’s wedding rings.

“James? I have no idea of Jeff’s ring size.” Wow, I sucked as a fiancée, big time.

He sighed. “I know. I, however, do. All the rings here are sized for Jeff. Pick one.”

“Mademoiselle is assured of quality,” the man said, in a fake French accent, oozing attempted charm.

“These have diamonds in them,” the woman said, pointing to the rings that obviously had diamonds in them. “Perhaps mademoiselle would like to consider some of these for her lucky husband-to-be?”

“Mademoiselle has an uncle who’s a jeweler. Please stop with the unctuous charm. I don’t need a sales pitch, I need help.”

“I did warn you,” Reader said.

“Fine, you never know who’s listening,” the man said, sounding a lot more like he was from the Bronx than from France. “Look, honey, it’s a symbol. Sure, he’ll wear it every day for the rest of his life, or until you get divorced, but they’re all good.”

“His family mates for life.”

The woman snorted. “Yeah, heard that before.”

“James? Who are these people?”

“Among the best jewelers in Vegas.”

“And his cousins,” the woman said. “He visits when his friends are doing it up right, but during other times? Not so much.”

I looked at Reader. He shrugged. “Family. You know.”

“Yeah.” ’Nuff said, really.

I started looking in earnest for the right ring. This was, of course, easier said than done. There were at least two hundred to choose from. My eyes started to cross. “Um . . .”

Reader sighed. “Cut down to the twenty I selected.” I opened my mouth; he gave me the hairy eyeball. “The ones closest to her wedding set.” I closed my mouth.

“I’d still like a look,” the man said. I put my hand out before Reader could glare at me, and he slid the ring off and examined it. He whistled. “Know where he bought this. You’re marrying well. Finest quality diamond. Small though.”

“She has small hands,” the woman said. “Looks better on her.” I decided she might have taste.

“Yeah! It’s like almost no one gets that.”

She grinned. “If you weren’t with family? I’d be discussing how we needed to trade you up, pronto, to a diamond of decent size. Since you are with family, I agree that anything too large on a smaller woman looks fake. Stick to your guns.”

They both examined my engagement ring, then produced Reader’s much smaller selection.

Now that I finally had time to examine it, my ring had an unusual and intricate design, and I realized it looked a very little bit like the design of the Unity Necklace. All I wanted to do was find Martini, cuddle up in his lap, and tell him how he was the most romantic man in the galaxy, and I knew I was the luckiest girl in the universe.

Not an option, so I looked carefully for a ring that might somehow manage to say the same thing to him every day. I was able to discard some right away because the designs were Celtic and while beautiful and intricate, they were too human.

I was down to ten and had to decide if I wanted a diamond or not. What word had Chuckie used . . . unostentatious. “James, are diamonds in a man’s ring ostentatious?”

“Depends on the ring. If you’re asking me if I think Jeff will like a diamond in his ring, yes, if you give it to him, because it’s you giving it to him, but if he had a choice, no.” He checked his cell phone, sighed, and pointed to two rings. “This one or that one. Take your pick; they’re both ‘him.’ ”

“I had two hundred and you just cut me down to two? Am I off the schedule?”

“Yes, by a lot. Girlfriend, this is why you two couldn’t settle on anything.”

“Jeff’s picky, too.”

“Yes. The prosecution rests.”

I examined the two rings. They were both very unusual in their design. One was thicker than the other, which allowed for more design and also made it sturdier. I stared at them. The thicker one seemed more manly. “Which do you like best?”

Both jewelers pointed to the thicker ring.

“James?”

He sighed. “Two things. Yes, the thicker one. And . . . it’s the one I would have told you to go with in the first place.”

“We’ll take it. Excuse me while I strangle your cousin.”

“It’s a common desire in the family,” the woman said, while the man cleaned the ring to perfection and put it into a nice ring box. “It’s worse because he’s always right.”

“Yeah, good point.”

The man held the box out. Reader took it and put it in his pocket. Money changed hands. He ensured I didn’t see how much.

Shook paws, the burlies loaded up the merchandise, and Reader’s cousins left. “You never introduced me.”

“Nothing gets past you.” His phone rang. “Hey, Christopher. Oh, good. Yeah, you’re a little late, but, shocker alert, no problem because things on this side took a while.” He laughed. “Of course, what else did you expect? The rest of the guys are waiting in my room. Right. Tell him she’s fine.” He snorted. “Well, yeah, but as fine as she’s going to be. Tell him that it’s tomorrow, no matter how much he whines. Humans have rituals. Yeah, more than A-Cs. Yeah. Great, see you in a few minutes.” He hung up.

“What’s going on? Is everything okay?”

“Yep. Jeff’s out of isolation, feeling fine. Christopher’s riding herd on him.”

“You know, I could pass on the spa thing and feed Jeff. He’s always hungry when he gets out of isolation.”

“No.” Reader bent and kissed my cheek, then sat in the chair next to me and put his arm around me. “I know you’re scared,” he said softly. “He’s scared, too. You two have been trying to make everything so perfect that nothing was happening. That’s why I’m in charge of Operation About Time.”

I started to laugh. “Yes, you totally are.”

He smiled. “I’ve known Jeff for several years—he’s always wanted to find the right girl and give her the wedding of her dreams. Only, his right girl didn’t spend her time daydreaming about weddings and gowns—she spent it reading Ms. and the Feminist Manifesto and doing her best to not be shallow. None of her close girlfriends are girly-girls. One of her best friends is a guy, and not just any guy, but a brilliant nerd.”

“And her other best friend is a gorgeous gay guy. Yeah, okay, sensing the trend.”

“Now, for a little bit of a lecture.”

“Oh, goody.”

“All the ritual stuff? It’s not for you and Jeff, so much. It’s for everybody else. The actual ceremony? That’s for your parents and grandparents. The reception, that’s the wrap party. The honeymoon? Now that’s only for you. But all the things leading up to it? Most of those are for your families and friends. For them to get this time with you before your life changes in a huge way. Now you’re going to go into the spa and have a massage with Lorraine and Claudia, so they know they’re still the more special of your friends.”

“Okay.” That sounded nice, actually.

“You’re going to relax in the whirlpool with Felicia, Jareen, and Wahoa, who didn’t want to try to explain to the masseuse why they look like humans but feel funny.”

“Makes sense.”

“Then you’re going to have a facial with your mother, to have that private Mommy and Me time.”

“What if it makes me break out?”

“Using stuff that won’t—it’s the freaking Four Seasons, babe. Next, you’re going to have a manicure and pedicure with Lucinda, to have that bonding over the salon experience with your not-so-future mother-in-law.”

Looked down at my fingernails. Fighting Moira and Bitch Leader hadn’t done them any favors. “Okay, good plan.”

“And, finally, you’re going to join your grandmothers, Renata, and Serene in between each of these and have tea sandwiches and other girly things with them. Your grandmothers only wanted hand and foot rubs, and then they wanted to see everyone as they came through to tell them about their fun spa experiences. Renata’s religion kind of forbids this sort of massive indulgence. But she enjoys your grandmothers very much, and she also took the hand and foot rub option.”

“Why is Serene relegated to grandmother duty?”

He laughed. “It’s not relegation, it’s her choice. Serene is so happy to feel included that we can barely pry her away from them. She was up first of all of us and checking on your grandparents to see if they needed anything. When I was describing the spa plan, she begged, and I do mean begged, to stay with your grandmothers. So she gets the hand and foot option, too, and gets to feel like a part of a family.”

“Works for me. What will you be doing while I’m spending the next hundred hours here?”

“It’ll be the next, oh, five hours, give or take. And, what I’ll be doing is riding herd on the male half of this extravaganza. We have tuxedo fittings that you’ve made me late for but it’s okay because Jeff came out of isolation a little late.”

“Is he—”

“He’s fine. If he weren’t fine, then, yes, we’d both be there, not here. But he’s fine. Complaining that he knows you’re stressed and need him.”

“I am stressed, and I do need him.”

“Right. The two of you are going to have to deal with the fact that for one more day, you aren’t going to be making with the sexual Olympics. Think how much better it’ll make the wedding night. Anticipation and all that.”

“You’re kidding me. Where am I sleeping tonight?”

“In the suite. With all the girls.”

“Are you kidding me?”

“No. Jeff’ll be with Christopher. Who’s the best at keeping him under a semblance of control.”

No sex with Martini until we were married? What was this, 1950? “When is my bachelorette party?”

“Around seven or eight, depending on when you’re all done here. Guys will crash it a couple hours in. You can have some make-out time then. I’ll be shutting the party down around midnight and riding herd on the ladies, particularly you.”

“Jeff won’t like me being on the same floor as Chuckie, you know.”

“Nice try. See, the thing is, Renata is going to be with you. And Queen of the Amazons is clear on the ‘no nookie with any man, even husband-to-be’ rule for you tonight through wedding hour.”

I gave up. “Okay. Are you getting us or is Chuckie?”

“Probably both of us. So there’re two of us watching you.”

“You make me sound like a criminal attempting to escape prison.”

Reader kissed my cheek again. “I promise you, marriage isn’t a prison. Just relax and enjoy the process.” He stood up, helped me up, and ushered me into the main spa area, patted my bottom, then disappeared, off to do his Super Savior thing with the guys.

I considered my options. Decided that he and Chuckie had spent so much time and gone to so much trouble and expense, I should at least try to enjoy it.

Turns out, I did.

CHAPTER 63

TRUE TO HIS WORD, READER COLLECTED US around seven in the evening. None of us were overly hungry because we’d been grazing on all the girly food for hours. It was yummy girly food—the Four Seasons really did that up right—and I didn’t have anyone stealing it off my plate, so I actually got enough to eat.

Chuckie was there, too, looking very amused. “Martini spent most of the time whining. You two are a fun couple when you’re apart.”

“We like being together, so sue us.”

“No problem,” he said as he took my arm. “I actually had a great time. Nothing like knowing something he doesn’t to drive him insane.”

“So he knows you helped choose my dress?”

“Knows, hates it, has to deal with the fact that he’s going to be happy I helped.” Chuckie sounded pretty happy about this. I tried not to worry about Martini’s reactions to this, everything else Reader had going, and my dress. What if he didn’t actually like it?

I was still relaxed enough from the spa experience that I only fretted about this a little bit. Besides, had a different fret to think about. “James says we have paparazzi. Other than Mister Joel Oliver, I mean.”

“Yes, so he told me.” He didn’t seem fazed.

“This doesn’t worry you?”

“I’m used to it.”

“Excuse me?”

He shrugged. “One of Australia’s most eligible bachelors, remember? Just ignore them and they’ll go away.”

“How are you doing . . . the job you do with paparazzi following you?”

“It’s part of my cover.” He sighed. “Your mother thinks it’s great.”

“I’ll bet she does. Why are we worried about poor old Mister Joel Oliver, then?”

Chuckie gave me a long look. “Because he’s actually right.”

I considered this. “But no one believes him.”

“Right.” Chuckie’s expression told me exactly what he was thinking.

“You kind of like him, don’t you?”

He shrugged. “I’m not ready to go bowling with him, but I do understand what it’s like to be in the position he’s in.”

“What’s going to happen to him? James insinuated we didn’t have to worry about MJO for a while.”

“It’s need to know, Kitty, and you don’t.”

I decided to give this up. Clearly only I was worried about strange people with stealth cameras following us around, and also clearly Chuckie wasn’t going to tell me what was up with Oliver, either. I prayed it wasn’t going to be something horrible like Oliver had been sent to Guantanamo, but I decided there was nothing I could do about it at this particular time. Besides, supposedly there was a party with my name on it in my near future. “So, where are we going?”

“Well, while Mix has a great view, I’m not sure it’s your style. It’s sort of hip, cool, and trendy.”

“I think I should be insulted you know me this well.”

“Right, so, we’re going to House of Blues.”

“Cool! Great food.”

“Live band.”

“House band?”

“Not exactly.” He looked as though he was trying not to laugh.

“Who is it?”

“Well, we considered booking Aerosmith, but then we realized that would mean you would spend the evening offering yourself to Tyler and Perry, and that didn’t seem like something Martini would appreciate in the short or long run.”

Dang. They knew me far too well. “So you guys booked this band specially? How in the world could you have done that on this kind of short notice?”

Chuckie shrugged. “As you said and Cyndi Lauper sang so well, money changes everything.”

“Elton John?”

“Bank of Chuckie is not able to make that kind of loan.”

“I thought you were rich.”

“I still need to eat next week.”

“Fine. Girl act or boy act?”

“Boy, because we also didn’t think it was fair to you to put someone like Gwen Stefani up there so the guys both crashed the party early and spent the time offering themselves up to Gwen. We’re going for ‘fun party’ here, not ‘ending the relationship the night before the wedding.’ I’d like to mention that this is a sacrifice on my part.”

“You’re both so thoughtful, and you’re a prince. So, do I need to go through my entire iPod or are you going to tell me?”

“I’m going to make you wait until we’re there.”

“Humph.”

Of course, it didn’t take us long to get there. The “closed for private party” signs were kind of cool, since I was part of the private party. Got inside and wondered who all these people were. The place was packed. Realized it was packed with every female relative of mine, a great number of my female friends, every female relative of Martini’s, and a lot of females who were also, technically, relatives of Martini’s. The Dazzler quotient was as high as at the Science Center.

Chuckie kissed my cheek. “Have fun. Control yourself. At some point, the males will rejoin you. Make sure you’re not doing something Martini will make you regret.”

“Thanks for the warning, Voice of Doom.”

He laughed. “I’m here for you should something go wrong.”

Reader got the rest of the gals inside, then hugged me. “Behave.”

“It’s a bachelorette party, not tea with the Queen of England. Why are you and Chuckie telling me to be a good girl all of a sudden?”

Cover-boy grin flashed. “Because we know you, girlfriend. So does Jeff, so you’ll probably be okay.”

“Yeah, Chuckie said no Aerosmith or Sir Elton.”

“True. Just think you’ll like the alternative.”

“Motorhead?”

“Considered it. Then realized that most of the guests don’t want to hear the loudest rock and roll band in the world up close and personal.” He looked really pleased with himself. “I got Emily and Melanie to promise to take pictures when the band hits the stage.” He kissed me on my cheek, sauntered over to Chuckie and they both sauntered off.

Food and drink were all over the place. I was pretty full from the girly food, but House of Blues had some yummy stuff out. I managed to find the room to stuff in a good sampling.

Drinks were flowing. The bars were clearly marked as alcoholic and nonalcoholic. The room was about one-third alkies to two-thirds abstainers. A couple of my cousins, cousins supposedly in the know now, grabbed me and asked me if I was marrying into a Mormon family. Shared I wasn’t, didn’t share that I was marrying an alien—maybe Christopher had come to his and everybody else’s senses and wiped all their memories.

I’d originally thought we only had the over-eighteen crowd, but I discovered all the little girls were here, too. They all seemed to know something I didn’t, because they were already in the concert hall, practically vibrating with excitement.

There was a very pretty blonde in there with them. She was dressed nicely like the other guests, so I figured she wasn’t an employee. “Hi, I’m Kitty.” Put out the paw.

She stood up, took my hand, and smiled. Looked very athletic as well as gorgeous. “I’m Denise Lewis, Kevin’s wife.”

Figured. The gorgeous guy with bags of charisma had married the gorgeous gal with bags of charisma. I figured I’d be able to pick their kids out easily—look for the gorgeous ones with bags of charisma.

“Great to finally meet you. And thanks for coming.”

“Happy to be invited. We really appreciate how the A-Cs have protected us.”

“Did you know what Kevin did before last year?”

She laughed. She had great teeth, just like Kevin did. Wow, amazing. I wasn’t gay, but if I’d been forced to go to the Free Women planet, this would be the mate I’d pick to take with me. “No, but when you’re being kidnapped by a terrorist organization and a group of the most handsome men you’ve ever seen rescues you and your kids, you catch on really fast that your husband didn’t stop being a running back because of a bad knee.”

“So Kevin was a professional athlete before? I knew it!”

“Yeah, not too long, though. Your mother recruited him early in his career.”

This was probably a story for another time, but I made a note to get said story later. “So, why are you on babysitting duty?”

“Oh, the kids are so excited about the band.”

“It’s not Hannah Montana or the kids from High School Musical, is it?” I could see Chuckie doing that, but not Reader.

“No.” Denise laughed again. “And no one’s going to tell you, so don’t try to ask.”

“So, again, you’re riding herd on the rugrats why?”

“I don’t really know anyone.” She looked as though she hadn’t meant that one to slip out. “I mean, I know Gladys and your mother, sort of.”

I looked around. “Kids, Denise and I are going to the bar area for a little bit. Who’s big enough to behave themselves without us?” All the hands went up. “That’s why I love you all, you lie so well and quickly. Injure no one, including yourselves, break nothing, rip nothing, be good or I’ll send in a lion to eat you all up.”

Shrieks of laughter from the littler girls, rolled eyes from the bigger ones. I grabbed Denise’s hand and dragged her out. “You don’t get to hide in here while I have to see everyone and pretend this is fun.”

She laughed. “Kevin said you were a fun girl.”

“That’s me, Miss Fun.” Found the women I was looking for. “Emily, Melanie, Ericka, this is Denise Lewis, Kevin’s wife. Denise, Ericka is Paul and Michael’s mother, Melanie is Lorraine’s, Emily is Claudia’s. This may not help much. Denise doesn’t know anyone. Let’s change that, shall we?”

Ericka laughed. “From what my sons have told me, Kevin’s an honorary member of the family, so that makes you family, too.” She linked her arm through Denise’s. “Let me take you around and force you to meet everyone. I’d do the same to Kitty, but she’s supposed to be having fun.”

Denise grinned. “Like your friends and family, Kitty.” I would have replied, but Ericka was already moving her off.

“Nicely done,” Melanie said.

“Even gorgeous people can be shy.”

Emily hugged me. “I’m so glad you’ll be a real part of the family soon.”

“Oh, yeah, how are you guys related to Jeff?”

“Oh the usual several cousins several times removed.” Melanie laughed. “Really, don’t try to keep it straight.”

“Wow, no worries there. So, who’s the band? The kids are beyond excited.”

“I’ll give you one hint,” Emily said, and it was clear she was trying not to grin. “Most of the men are going to be happy to miss them, and all of the women are going to love them.”

“Everyone loves a mystery.”

“Yep!” Lorraine and Claudia came up. “James told us to make sure you got a drink, even though it won’t be alcoholic, and to get you into the seat of honor in time. Band starts in a few, so, stealing our girl now.” She and Claudia each took an arm and dragged me off.

Since I had to relax and have fun, I forced myself to do it. Lorraine and Claudia were great at the Aunt Carla avoidance, also great at the moving me away from the nosy friends and relatives stuff.

Ran into a gaggle of my sorority sisters. After the shrieking, hugging, and recitation of the not-so-secret sorority pledge were over, and Lorraine and Claudia were introduced, I got a lot of hairy eyeballs from the girls. I tensed for what I knew was coming.