Текст книги "In Pieces"

Автор книги: Gia Riley

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“ARE YOU GOING to tell me why Rhett Taylor can’t seem to take his eyes off you for five seconds?” Becca asks, as she takes a bite of her double cheeseburger, so full of ketchup, it oozes out from under the bun. I don’t know how she can eat complete and total junk without ever gaining a pound.

“What?”

She rolls her eyes like I’m out of my mind. “I’m serious, Kin, he hasn’t stopped checking you out.”

“Maybe you’re the one he’s checking out. Ever think of that?”

I haven’t had a chance to tell her about photography class yet, so her comment catches me off guard. I’m still debating if I want to keep what happened between Rhett and me a secret, or not. Part of me wants to tell her, just to make it seem more real—like I wasn’t imagining him telling me I’m pretty or calling me an inspiration.

“Don’t play dumb, Kinsley. I heard all about his confession from Mandi. Once she found out, it was spread around the school in less than an hour. That’s got to be some kind of record, you know.”

This isn’t good. I don’t want to be the talk of the school. That’s how vicious rumors begin, and they never end well, either. “How did Mandi find out?” I ask, as I push the lettuce from my salad from one side of the plate to the other. I was hungry until this conversation started, but now my stomach is in too many knots to eat.

“Apparently, she was in the darkroom, and witnessed it.”

Mandi isn’t even in advanced photography, but she is taking the beginners class in the adjoining room. My guess, she was hoping to steal some time with Rhett and snuck in the darkroom. She’s had a thing for him for as long as I can remember. They even dated off and on, but each time, it didn’t last long—none of his relationships ever do. “I didn’t see her. I thought it was just the two of us in there.”

“Because you were too busy drooling over Rhett. I don’t know, Kinsley, I never thought I’d see the day you’d go jock on me.”

I smack Becca on the arm. “It wasn’t like that at all, Becca. We were just talking, not that there’s anything wrong with athletes, by the way.” I don’t mention I called them all assholes this morning before I knew one liked me.

She shakes her head in disagreement. “You’re so full of shit.”

“Come on, Becca. I have too many brain cells for him to be seriously interested. It would throw off the school ditz to muscle ratio or something. I can’t screw that up.” Then, just in case she doesn’t buy what I’m trying to sell her, I toss in some extra reassurance by adding rumor to the mix. “And last I heard, Mandi’s the one who’s crushing on Rhett again—not me.”

Becca waves her hand in the air, dismissing my claim entirely. “You’re talking nonsense. Rhett doesn’t care about Mandi or any of the other senior girl drama. He avoids it like the plague.”

“What makes you say that? Do you like him?”

“Pfft. No, not since we were ten.”

Why am I only finding out about this now when I’ve known Becca since middle school? I didn’t even know she knew Rhett that well. “Seriously?”

“Yeah, we used to be neighbors—before my parents split up and I moved across town. I had a crush on him, and he knew it. I wanted to be in his club so bad, I even let him make me eat dirt to get in.”

“You ate dirt for a boy’s attention?”

“Yeah, I’m not proud of it, but I did call him names for making me do it. His mom was hanging wash on the line and heard every single word I said to her darling little boy.”

“What happened?”

“She sent me home. I wasn’t allowed to play at their house anymore because I was a bad influence with a potty mouth. Her words, not mine.”

I laugh into my napkin. “Why doesn’t that surprise me?”

She takes a sip of her iced tea before continuing. “Trust me, Kinsley, he would never make you eat dirt. Not with the way he’s looking at you today. He might want to get you dirty though.”

“I’m not getting dirty with anyone, Becca.”

How she can draw these conclusions from a meaningless rumor she heard floating around school, is beyond me. Considering Mandi was the only witness, people should know better than to believe a word she says—even if there was truth to it this time.

Though I don’t have to worry about what she said one way or another, because when I glance in his direction and find him looking at me exactly the way Becca described, the suspicions are confirmed. If everyone didn’t already know, he’s proving every word Mandi said to be the truth. That fact alone makes my heart rate speed up—my palms even start to sweat. I try to look away, but not before I catch him winking at me.

What is going on?

To anyone sitting around him, he appears engaged in the conversation at his table—not the least bit distracted. But each time I look his way, he senses it. It’s like he’s in two places at once—he’s with his friends, and with me. It’s the strangest feeling in the world sharing moments only the two of us know exist.

“You see it now, don’t you?” Becca asks. “You can’t keep your eyes off him, either.”

“Maybe, but it doesn’t mean anything. We’ve known each other all our lives, and now the first day of senior year, I’m supposed to believe he suddenly had an epiphany? I don’t buy it.”

“Don’t do that,” she scolds like a protective mother hen. “You don’t give yourself enough credit. Any guy in this school would be lucky to have you as his girl.”

“No guy in this school has ever had me. Have you thought about that? I’m a senior and I’ve never had a boyfriend.” That sounds even more pathetic as I say the words aloud. It’s also the reason I lack any kind of confidence when it comes to the opposite sex. I have nothing to compare to—no first kiss, no first time. Nothing.

“So what?” Becca says with a dismissive shrug of her shoulders. “There’s a first time for everything. That’s why it’s called your first.” She’s not going to let me give up on the idea of more with Rhett, I can already tell.

“Becca, he has all kinds of experience. Why would he even look my way knowing I’m not easy? I don’t want a random hookup with him or any other guy. I don’t operate that way. ”

That’s probably why I’ve never had a boyfriend in the first place. They know I won’t give it to them without a real relationship, so they don’t even bother trying. Because why would an eighteen-year-old guy want to take a chance when he could have a sure thing?

“Then what do you want?”

“I want a guy to want me. And I want him to treat me like I matter. I mean, I know this is high school, and none of us are going to get married after we graduate, but I don’t think wanting a relationship is too much to ask for. Is it?”

“Not if that’s what you want.”

“I’m probably crazy for imagining I could have anything real with Rhett, but all day long, I watch these girls throw themselves at guys like him. They look pathetic, and none of them are respected. Ten years from now, when I look back on high school, I don’t want to remember it with regrets.”

Becca nods her head, understanding what I’m saying, but I can tell she has an opinion. “What if you regret not hooking up with people?”

“Then that’s something I’ll have to live with, because right now, I think I’d regret it more if I just threw myself at a guy to say I did it.”

“I wish I had your self-control, Kin. There are a couple guys in this school I’d jump on, no questions asked.”

“That’s where we differ. You were born an animal,” I joke. She’s a romantic, but she has a wild side, too. My brother couldn’t resist the appeal along with a lot of other guys. Problem is, Becca is willing, but she’s not easy. She has standards, high ones, and expects as much as she demands.

Becca smacks the lunch table with her palm. “That’s it, Kinsley!”

“What? I’m not following.”

“You’re not an animal, and maybe that’s exactly what Rhett needs. There are guys a lot worse than him when it comes to hooking up, but he can’t change until he finds someone worth changing for, you know.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it, Becca. Come on, we have to get going or we’ll be late for class.”

Becca gathers her trash and stands up next to me. Rhett stands up from his spot at the other end of the cafeteria at the exact same time. Our eyes lock once more before I turn toward the trash cans to throw away my barely eaten lunch.

My stomach can’t handle all these butterflies.

THE FINAL BELL rings, ending the first day of classes. Not wanting to be late for my shift, I scramble to pack up my bag and get to my locker as fast as I can.

“Jeez, slow down, woman,” Becca says, as she hurries to catch me. “What’s the rush?”

“I can’t be late for work.” I can think of a million other things I’d rather do on a Thursday night, but at least I have Friday night off for once. Tomorrow I can hang out with Becca and do whatever I want before the long Labor Day weekend.

“I thought you cut back your hours since school started? Is Kate giving you a hard time about money again?”

“No, she’s been fine since Carson moved in and took some of the financial burden off our shoulders. This is my choice.”

“I still can’t believe Carson Hill lives with you. How do you function with that man-meat walking around all day long?”

“Did you forget who my brother is? I put blinders on and keep moving. Plus, Kate’s there.”

“And Kate was cool with it? No questions asked?”

“She had questions, but she needs the money. We were in a bad spot, and Carson was the answer.”

Kate works full-time as a nurse’s aide, on top of taking online classes to finish her nursing degree. Her plans for college took a detour after mom died and dad left. She makes good money doing what she does, but it’s not fair for her to have to work her life away with nothing to show for it. At least with Carson and me contributing as much as we can, she can start saving for a better place of her own once I leave for Parsons.

Dad left us a little money before he took off, but it wasn’t enough to last very long. Most of it was spent on bills, and the little bit that was left, went toward counseling for all the damage he caused. He thought he was helping, doing the right thing even, but in the end, he hurt us more than he ever thought possible.

He tried his best to be a good parent after mom died, and he was for a while, but as the days passed, we all knew it wasn’t enough. Kate, Wyatt, and I watched as grief consumed our father to the point of self-destruction. In order to survive, he had to escape the only town he’s ever lived in. We knew it was coming, he knew it was the only way, but it didn’t make it hurt any less.

“I can’t do it anymore, Kinny,” he says, with a voice hoarse from crying.

Before today, I never saw a grown man fall to pieces the way my father was, right before my eyes. The man who has always been the heart and soul of our family was crumbling—so grief-stricken, he stopped living the life he used to love.

“Without your mother, I have nothing. I am nothing.”

“You have me, Dad. I love you.”

“I know you do, Kinny girl, but you remind me of her so much. Everywhere I look, everything I see, reminds me of your mother. It’s like living in hell.”

“What about your job? Your friends?”

“I was let go yesterday. I can’t even concentrate—my work has been slipping, and then I got so behind, I stopped trying to catch up.”

“But you were working twelve-hour days after the funeral.”

“There’s no excuse, Kinny. I wasn’t holding up my end of the bargain, just like I’m not here. I can’t blame them for firing me. I would have fired me, too. I can’t fault my kids for hating me either.”

“So, that’s it? You’re going to leave me? I lost mom, and now I’m losing you, too.” It’s not a question, but rather verbal confirmation that when this conversation is over, he’ll be walking out of my life.

“I need to get my head on straight. I can’t do it anymore.”

I don’t want to live this way, with a distant parent who would rather be anywhere than where he is, but I could never up and leave my family—my responsibility. “When will you be back? Do Kate and Wyatt know?”

He nods his head. “Couple months. There’s a program in Florida Dr. Murphy is sending me to.”

“And I’m supposed to stay with Kate until then? Wyatt, too?”

He nods his head. “Kate will be waiting for the both of you. She moved upstairs to a bigger apartment. There’s enough room for the three of you, so take everything you need, clear your room out.”

“We’re losing the house?” I ask, in complete shock. This is the only home I’ve ever lived in. My bedroom has been painted the same pale pink color since I was born.

“I can’t afford the rent without a job. When I get back, we’ll move into a new house.”

“Okay,” I whisper. He’s coming back. Maybe he hasn’t given up on this life. It’s the only thing that keeps me moving forward. I’ll stay with my big sister for a little while and then we’ll move into a new house and make new memories. It won’t be so bad.

Though losing the memories in this house is the last piece of mom. Once we leave, it will be like she’s gone forever—for good. When I was low, I would picture her in the kitchen, making her famous brownies, or the time she had to patch a hole in the wall because we were playing baseball in the house on a rainy day, like she told us not to.

It brings tears to my eyes, and I don’t want to cry. I’m tired—just plain tired of my world being ripped away from me.

“Don’t be sad, Kinsley, please. I need you to be strong.”

“I don’t want to move, but I want you to get better. I love you.”

He closes his eyes, absorbing my words like he doesn’t deserve them. But he does—even if I’ve been the parent of the house since mom passed—filling her role the best I can. I don’t think less of him for wanting to get help. He’s made sure I’ve been seeing a counselor all while he’s sat silently, wishing he was anywhere but here—his kids a constant reminder of what he lost.

I walk to his chair, leaning down to hug the man I’ve looked up to all my life. His strength has vanished, his soul’s depleted, and his heart’s been left in pieces. But he’s alive—even if he’s not really living anymore. “I love you, Dad.”

“I love you, Kinny. So much.”

Dad left that morning, and I haven’t heard from him since. I lie, he called once from a pay phone in Chicago. I’ve never heard of a flight from Pennsylvania to Florida via Chicago. I didn’t even know why he was there, but I could tell he was crying, nonetheless.

The moment he told me to clean out my room, and to take everything with me, should have been my first clue that he wasn’t coming back. But I bought his lies about not being able to afford the house, and his plans to go to Florida for counseling. I never once questioned why he had to go nearly a thousand miles away to get his head on straight because if that was what it took to get my father back then I wanted him in the best place possible. I wanted him to have a chance to be happy—even if I had to be sad.

For a long time, I excused the lack of phone calls and letters, chalking it up to the restrictions in therapy. He should be focused on himself, not me. When days turned into weeks, weeks into months, and there was still no word, I knew I’d never get my promises. He ran away from his responsibilities, and he has no intention of ever coming back.

Being known around town as the abandoned teenager hasn’t done my reputation any favors. Most people look at me with pity, Mandi even questioning how I can stand to look at myself in the mirror. I won’t lie and say I’ve never considered ending it—I had some very dark days after my mom passed away, and even more after dad left. Turns out being abandoned hurts just as much as death.

Even Wyatt’s gotten into fights defending me. He’s heard the rumors, threatening anyone who said another word. He can’t win every battle with his fists, and he knows that, but for a long time, it was our only defense—beat them down with fists before they can beat us down with their words.

Now that I’ve lost my personal body guard, my sister and Carson are all I have. It may not be a perfect living arrangement, but at only twenty-three, Kate’s usually fair. All she asks is that I go to school when I’m supposed to, and to work as much as I can when I’m not.

“Hey, earth to Kinsley,” Becca says, as she taps my arm to get my attention.

“Sorry. What’d you say?”

“You were really spaced out there for a few minutes. You’re sure everything’s okay at home?”

“I’m sure.”

“I wish you would come live with me. My parents wouldn’t care, they even said so.”

She yanks on her locker door a few times before banging on the top corner of the metal door. “This stupid thing sticks like the one I had last year. I can’t catch a break.” She gives it one more swift kick with her shoe before it pops opens.

“I can’t stay with you, Becca. You’re all I have. If I’m living with you, it’ll put a strain on our friendship, and we’d end up hating each other. Plus, Kate needs me. She was forced into that bigger apartment because of me, I can’t stick her with the bills and take off, too.” Only my dad gets to do that, apparently.

I stick my head in my own locker, reaching for the stack of books I have piled up on the shelf.

Becca huffs out a frustrated sigh. “You’re a good sister, but I could never hate my best friend. You’re only saying we’d fight because you think you’re a burden.”

“Becca, it is what it is.” We continue talking though the metal, unloading the books we don’t need to take home with us, and swapping them for the ones we need for our homework.

“Fine, but are you at least going to talk to Rhett before you go home?”

“I wasn’t planning on it.” It’s not like we’re suddenly a thing simply because he took a picture of me—and the entire school heard about it.

“I think you should go find him,” she encourages.

“He’s probably already at practice, and I wouldn’t even know what to say if I did find him. You know I suck at this stuff.” I hold the books I need to take home with me in my arms as I grab my bag off the floor. I slam my locker door shut with my foot and gasp.

Rhett’s leaning against the lockers next to mine with his arms crossed and a smirk on his face. There’s no telling how long he’s been standing there, or how much of our conversation he overheard. Judging from his expression, he’s heard enough.

“You don’t want to talk to me?” he questions with a knowing wink.

I cover my face with my free hand, wishing the floor would suck me up and put me out of my misery. But Rhett wraps his hand around my wrist, pulling my hand away from my face. “Don’t cover this up.”

“Why not? I’m a little humiliated if you haven’t noticed.”

“Because I like to look at you, Kinsley.”

I duck my head, trying my best to hide the smile on my face. “I saw you looking at lunch,” I admit.

The smile on his face grows. “I know it’s not nice to stare, but I can’t help it.”

“Oh, shit,” Becca mumbles from behind me. She’s still standing in front of her locker watching our entire exchange. I’m going to get an earful after it ends, that’s for sure.

“Are you heading home?”

“I have practice,” he says.

Of course he does. I knew that, but I’m not thinking clearly. It only gets worse when he slides my backpack off my shoulder, unzipping the zipper, and one by one, tucking the books I’m holding inside the bag. Once the last one is inside, he zips it up and places it back on my shoulder. I don’t think I blinked the entire time. “Thank you. You didn’t have to do that.”

“You’re welcome. What about you? Where are you headed?”

“I have to work.”

“Are you still working at the diner?”

I nod my head. “Yeah, I’m still there. I didn’t realize you knew that.”

“I know more than you think, Kinsley. Especially about you.”

I bite my lip, but I can’t hide my smile this time—and I’m not sure I even want to. “I should probably get going before I’m late.”

I’d much rather stay in this hallway the rest of the night, getting to know Rhett better. He says he knows a lot about me, but there’s so much I want to find out about him.

“Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow morning in class—with my killer picture presentation.” Slowly, he walks backwards, away from me, leaving me with another one of his signature winks that does all kinds of crazy things to my insides.

“See ya tomorrow, Rhett.”

As casually as he left, I try to do the same with Becca, but she yanks on my backpack, stopping me before I’m even three steps away from my locker. “Hold up, killer.”

“Becca, I have to get to work.”

“Not until you finally admit he has a thing for you. I saw it with my own two eyes, Kinsley. He likes you, and I think it’s safe to say, you like him, too.”

I can’t help but laugh at her. She’s so serious, like she’s telling me something I don’t already know, but after talking to him there’s no denying it. What’s even crazier is, I’m crushing on him, too. When I woke up this morning, never in a million years did I imagine I’d end the first day of school with the possibility of Rhett lingering in my future.

“Come on, Kins, admit it before I’m late for practice. I don’t want to run extra laps because I was standing in the hallway waiting for you to admit you want to jump his bones.”

“I’m not agreeing to any jumping, but I like him. Happy now?”

“Ecstatic. Now go home and cover your binder in hearts with his initials in the middle.”

“You’re crazy. This isn’t middle school, you know. Plus, if I go and do that, it would scare him away. Who knows, the way guys go through girls around here, by tomorrow morning, he could be into someone else. My luck he’ll be with Mandi again by the end of the week.”

“Kinsley West, don’t make me smack you.”

“I’m just being realistic, Becca. How about we drop it for now.” In all honesty, I’m more used to people leaving my life than coming into it. It’s more natural to me to have to let go than to allow someone in.

It’s hard to open up—to give someone the benefit of the doubt, but for Rhett, I might be willing to try.

“We’ll see,” I tell her with a shrug of my shoulders.

“Don’t blow it off as just another day, Kinsley. This is a big deal, and I’m happy for you. That,” she points in the direction we just came from, “is not the same Rhett that made me eat dirt.”

I laugh at the reminder of what he made her do all those years ago. Back when girls still had cooties, and we were more worried about who was “it” in a game of tag, than who was interested in dating each other.

Life was so easy then. I had both my parents, a house I called home, and I didn’t care how popular I was. In fact, I’d rather play a game of Red Rover than try to figure out why Rhett suddenly finds me interesting. I was perfectly happy being a wallflower—even good at it. Now, he’s gone and stirred up feelings. Feelings I’ve never experienced before, and that will most likely lead to trouble.

“Did you hear a word I said, Kinsley?”

“Yes, I’m listening. I’m glad Rhett’s not a little punk anymore.”

“That makes two of us. So, if he asks you out tomorrow ,tell him yes.”

“Did he tell you he’s going to ask me out? Don’t lie, as your best friend your loyalty is with me.”

“Calm down. He didn’t tell me anything, but I can tell from how he’s acting. I’m really good at reading people. If he’s anything like he was when we were kids, he won’t quit until he gets you either. He can be a stubborn fool—just like you.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?” she questions. “I just told you he’s going to ask you out, and that’s all you have to say?”

“No, I want him to, but I’m scared.” I admit as I wrap my arms around my middle. Even saying the words makes me feel more exposed than I’ve ever been before. Only I trust Becca with my confession because she would never use it against me.

“Just be you, Kin. Let him see what’s he’s been missing all these years.”

I can do that—I think. “Thank you for not laughing at me.”

“Never. You’re practically my sister. Plus, he has an older brother in pre-med.”

“It all makes sense now. You want to use me to get to his brother.”

“I’m not using anyone. Not that it would be so terrible to have to date Rhett to help me out. I mean, his brother is hot and he has a brain.”

“Rhett has a brain. Even my brother has a brain, Becca.”

“You know what I mean.”

“I do, but I’m still holding out hope you’ll be my sister someday. I gotta run though, so I’ll see you in the morning. Oh, can you pick me up? My car’s going in the shop for a few days. It’s making that obnoxious clanking sound again. Brian, from the diner, said he’d take a look at it for me. Hopefully he’ll save me some of the outrageous labor costs.”

“That sounds so technical, but yes I’ll pick you up.”

“Thanks, Becca. You’re a lifesaver.”

I hurry to my car while Becca goes in the opposite direction to the locker room. Turning the key in the ignition, I pray it even starts. It does, but as expected, the noise returns as soon as I hear the engine. It only gets worse when I put the car in drive. Each time I have to hit the brake, I worry the car’s going to stall. Which is why I panic a little bit when the crossing guard stops traffic just as I’m pulling up to the intersection.

“Come on, hurry.” I whisper to myself.

I’m tapping my fingers on the steering wheel when a knock on my passenger side window scares the ever loving shit out of me. Rhett’s standing on the other side of the glass, signaling for me to roll my window down. I fumble with the button, hitting my side before his.

“Didn’t mean to scare you,” he says with a stupid cute grin on his face.

Dressed in his football gear, he’s holding his helmet in one hand, and his shoulder pads in the other. All that’s covering his chest is a thin cut-off T-shirt. I thought he was hot in his regular clothes, but he’s even better in his uniform.

He clears his throat, and right away I realize he caught me checking him out. I look away as fast as I can, but he just laughs. “Like what you see?”

“Eh, it’s okay.”

“Wait, I want you to have the full experience. Maybe that’ll change your mind.”

Before I can tell him I was only kidding, he spins in a circle on his toes like the most ungraceful ballerina I’ve ever seen. He looks absolutely ridiculous, and I can’t stop laughing at him. “Rhett, you’re going to hurt yourself.”

“There, that’s better,” he says, as he bends down to rest his arms on the edge of the opened window. “You’re even prettier when you smile. But your car doesn’t sound so good.”

“It’s going in the shop tonight.” My Ford Focus isn’t a total piece of shit, but it’s been anything but reliable lately. I guess that’s what happens when you have friends fix it for you who don’t really know what they’re doing. They fix one problem and create a new one.

“Do you need a ride to school tomorrow?”

“Becca’s picking me up.”

“What about a ride home from school? I can take you. Tomorrow’s game day, so I usually go home for an hour or two after school. Clear my head before the game.”

Becca would take me home if I needed her to, especially since we only live a couple minutes apart, but she told me to give him a chance. This seems like the perfect opportunity. “Sure, I’d appreciate it.”

“Yeah?” he questions with a smile on his face. The truck behind me honks its horn, and I realize the crossing guard isn’t holding traffic anymore. Rhett pulls his head out of my car and yells, “Go around! I’m trying to have a conversation.”

I glance in the rearview mirror and notice it’s one of Rhett’s friends giving him a hard time. He listens to what Rhett says, as most usually do when he speaks, but not before yelling a few obscenities out the window. Rhett flips him off, but is laughing when he sticks his head back in the car. “Sorry about that. Jake’s an idiot.”

“It’s my fault, I’m in the way.”

“No, he doesn’t really care. He’s just pissed about running at practice that’s why he’s moving his truck closer to the locker room. Lazy ass. ”

“Makes sense, I think.”

“I guess. I’ll see you tomorrow then, Kinsley.”

I nod my head. “Thanks again. Bye, Rhett.”