Текст книги "Meant for Me"
Автор книги: Faith Sullivan
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Chapter Thirteen
Ivy
“It already feels like winter here,” I exclaim, rubbing my arms while sitting up in bed. “The warm weather is the only thing I’m gonna miss about L.A.”
“To tell you the truth, I was so preoccupied the whole time that I didn’t even notice the palm trees or the sunshine,” Eric responds, covering me with yet another one of his grandmother’s hand-stitched quilts.
“I do have to breathe, you know,” I protest, wiggling to free myself from beneath the extra weight, but I freeze when I feel something wet beneath my legs.
“What is it?” Eric immediately notices my reaction and begins pulling back the layers of bedding.
“I don’t know,” I moan, trying to not to panic. “I hope nothing.” I curl up on my knees and scoot across the bed. And then I see it—a bright red spot staining the sheet.
“It’s not that much,” Eric says, making a heroic effort to reassure me. “You had some spotting on the plane, but it stopped. You’ve been traveling all day and your body is still coming down from the stress.”
“Coming down? Eric, now that we’re home, things are only gonna get worse.” I push against his chest and scamper off the bed, biting the inside of my cheek to keep from crying. Eric says nothing as I rustle through my lingerie drawer for a clean pair of panties. I lower my head, hoping to make it to the bathroom without him realizing how upset I am.
“Ivy, do you need me to help you in there?” he asks as he reaches for me, but I keep going. I don’t trust my voice, so I simply shake my head before closing the bathroom door.
He’s already starting to change the bedding as I sink to the floor in a heap, letting the rustling of the sheets muffle my sobs. I’m so scared, but I can’t let him know that. He’s already been through this before. I’m not going to do it to him again. This baby is going to live. It has to.
A wave of emotion racks my body as I convulse silently against the door. After Eric strips the bed, his footsteps move out of the room and down the stairs. A few seconds later, I hear water running through the pipes and into the laundry room. He’s probably attempting to get the bloodstain out before it sets in. It’s too painful to look at any reminders of a potential miscarriage on the horizon.
The doctor in L.A. said that the bleeding was likely to continue until I had a chance to implement her orders for strict bed rest. I’m so tired, but my heart is beating a mile a minute. I have to calm down. I push myself up, holding on to the doorknob as my bare legs scrape against the cold tile. I should have on something warmer, not just Eric’s shirt, but I can’t think about that now. Instead, I get down on my knees and pray with all of my heart for God to save this baby. I’ll do whatever it takes. Stay in bed for five months. Not have sex with Eric until after the birth. Forget about the screenplay, even if it ruins us. Nothing is more important than this baby—nothing.
I can’t believe I almost lost it. One minute I’m teasing Will about flirting with the hostess, and the next I’m crumpled on the ground, writhing in pain. I’m so mad at myself for letting Lauren get to me like that. I was exhausted from the trip, anxious about being in a strange city, uncomfortable being around Will and his L.A. lifestyle, nervous about meeting Warren and Dave. It was probably way too much stress for a woman in my condition, but having Lauren show up out of the blue to crush our plans was the icing on the cake.
My body couldn’t handle the shock, and it revolted. Lauren was relentless, drilling away, exploiting every weakness. I should’ve gotten up from the table when I felt the first twinge. I never should have stayed and listened to it all. Will could’ve filled me in later. But even after all this time, Lauren’s still able to render me powerless. It’s like she’s my kryptonite, zapping the life right out of me.
But I can’t let her do that to our baby. It deserves a fighting chance, and I put it in jeopardy because I was too much of a coward to walk away. I knew better, but I still did nothing. I needed to protect the child growing within me. Instead I froze, allowing her barrage of threatening ultimatums and sickening revelations to distract me from what I needed to do. There’s no shame in backing down against a bully, especially when the odds of coming out on top are so astronomical.
I give in to my tears, letting them wash over me. I gasp for air, my shoulders heaving. Strands of hair are plastered to my face and I don’t even bother to push them away. I’m such a wreck.
“Ivy…” Eric calls, lightly tapping on the door. “Can I come in?”
“It’s open,” I say, my voice unsteady as I crawl into the corner. There’s no way I can keep him out. I need him to hold me.
“Baby, you shouldn’t be sitting on the floor,” he moans, bending down to bury his face in my hair. I still can’t look at him, but he doesn’t make me. I shudder as he cradles me in his arms, lifting me onto his lap. I let him rock me as he strokes my head. The comfort he’s bestowing upon me only makes me cry harder. “Shhh, I’ve got you. Everything’s going to be okay.” I feel the warmth of his breath trail along my scalp before he kisses my forehead.
“And what if it’s not?” I can’t help but ask. I choke out the words, finally meeting his eyes as tears stream down my face. “What if I lose this baby?”
“You’re not,” he says, placing his hands on both sides of my face so I can’t look away.
“You don’t know that,” I sniffle stubbornly. “I’m so afraid it’s going to be all my fault.” I break into a fresh round of sobs as he gazes at me, grief-stricken.
“You’re talking like it’s already happened. Sure, we had a scare, but our baby is still growing inside of you,” he states, his voice never wavering as he uses his thumbs to wipe away my tears. “You need to rest. You’re overtired and not thinking straight. Things will look a whole lot better in the morning once you’ve had a good night’s sleep.”
“But Lauren’s not going to let up and—” I stop midstream when he places his fingers over my lips.
“Let’s not think about Lauren for the rest of the night, okay?” He stares into my eyes as he tilts up my chin. “We’re going to take this one day at a time. That’s all we can do. You have me on your side, and I swear I won’t let her harm you again.”
I close my eyes and swallow hard. This would be the perfect opportunity to tell him what Lauren plans to reveal about Cassidy, but I can’t. I’ll have to carry this burden a little while longer. He’s so worried about me and the baby that I can’t shatter his world by revealing Cassidy might have been cheating on him before she died. The repercussions of such a revelation would destroy him. He may think he can protect me from Lauren, but what if I’m not able to return the favor? I’m going to have to look into Lauren’s accusations before I approach him with them. She could be lying for all I know, trying to stir up trouble where it doesn’t exist.
I certainly can’t ask Cassidy for the truth. Her secrets are buried with her. I’m going to have to find out who Lauren believes the other guy is and proceed from there. If she wants me to write this tawdry script, she’s going to have to reveal some clues as to his identity. Was he one of Cassidy’s classmates in college? Does he live in town? My heart skips a beat. Does Eric know him?
This could get really ugly. I think the majority of people around here would want to remember Cassidy the way she was and not have their memories of her ruined. She was such a beacon of local pride, the selfless young woman who sacrificed her life for her unborn child, the girl next door who battled cancer with everything she had and lost. No one’s going to want to hear that she really wasn’t so sweet and innocent after all.
Lauren’s crazy to even consider putting this version of events out there for public consumption. Sure, it might have a limited audience of those who enjoy a good scandal, but most are going to be disgusted by it, thinking we’re all trying to make a quick buck off of yesterday’s news. And Eric’s the one who’s going to be vilified for going along with it because of his involvement with me. On a national level, the public isn’t going to care who Lauren is. They’re going to be too caught up in pointing fingers at Eric to pay any attention to her. Plus, if word gets out about his financial troubles, he’s going to look like the desperate ex-boyfriend trying to get rich by smearing Cassidy’s good name. Eric’s word is his bond, and it will kill him to be cast in such an unflattering light. Will he be able to bounce back from something like that? Is it even possible?
And it will be a sort of double betrayal. He’s going to be hurt when he learns of Cassidy’s infidelity and he’s going to hate me for being the one to tell him. He’ll never forgive me for keeping something like this from him, but the circumstances surrounding how he ended up in L.A. just wouldn’t allow it. I was sedated and lying in a hospital bed after nearly suffering a miscarriage. The first words out of my mouth very well couldn’t be, “Lauren thinks Cassidy cheated on you.” It wasn’t the time or the place, but now that we’re home, things are different. I can’t keep it from him much longer and expect him to understand my reasoning for not bringing it up sooner. I know if our roles were reversed I’d want him to tell me. There’s no excuse for continuing to remain silent. Like he said, we’re in this together. I have to be up front with him about everything, not just when it’s convenient for me.
“Ivy, you’re shivering,” Eric murmurs, holding me even closer to his body. “C’mon, let’s get you to bed.”
In one fluid motion, he gets to his feet with me in his arms, reminding me of his sheer physicality. He’s such a fine specimen of a man, both inside and out.
He walks by Shep, who’s thumping his tail just outside the door, and carries me over to the bed now covered in fresh linens. He tucks me in, bundling the array of quilts and blankets up to my chin before turning out the light and slipping in beside me. He doesn’t stay on his side of the bed for long. I feel him nestle against my body, his hand on my stomach and one of his legs covering both of mine. I stare at the moon through the skylight as his breathing falls into a steady rhythm and it’s not long before he’s snoring. I allow my fingers to lightly trace his sideburns as he sleeps peacefully, unaware of the jumbled thoughts racing through my mind. I glance at the clock. It’s after midnight. I better shut my eyes and at least try to get some rest. Eric shifts in his sleep, turning over onto his back, and I already miss the warmth of his body pressed against mine.
In L.A., I got a taste of what it would be like to have to sleep alone, and it shook me to the core. I can’t go back to the way I lived before, content to lie in a dorm room all by myself. Those days are over now. No matter what kind of ideas Lauren tries to plant in my mind about going back to college, it’s not what I want. Not anymore. I run my hand across Eric’s chest while patting my stomach. I have everything I need right here.
If only I can hang on to it.
Chapter Fourteen
Lauren
So the little skank ended up in the hospital. Oops.
I should feel guilty, but I don’t. Ivy shouldn’t have gotten pregnant in the first place. It’s like she just wanted to land a guy to support her sorry ass for the rest of her life. Ryan even told me she grew up on welfare for pity’s sake. Just because her drunk mother was too lazy to work for a living doesn’t mean she has the right to sit at home and do nothing. Talk about an unjust sense of entitlement.
Everything about Ivy Thompson just infuriates me.
* * *
I’ve worked my entire life to get where I am. True, I might have worked my connections, but who hasn’t? My stepdad is a wealthy man. He helped me land this job at the Gazette, but it’s not like he’s here burning the midnight oil while I’m kicking back, painting my nails. I devote my entire life to the paper. I’m the first one there in the morning and the last to leave at night. I log sixty to eighty hours a week and that doesn’t even count holidays and weekends. I don’t take any time off when I have menstrual cramps or a headache that won’t quit. No, I’m here all day, every day.
I run board meetings. I approve layouts. I schmooze advertisers. All in the effort of turning a profit and keeping the paper in the black at a time when print is dead and digital thrives. It’s not easy running a successful business in an industry that is undergoing monumental change. People don’t get their news delivered to their doorstep every morning anymore. No, they get it on their phones or when they turn on their tablets. Who wants to get their fingers dirty reading newsprint?
Luckily, the pathetic farmer types around here do. Ah, one of the perks of living in the land that time forgot. I could be in Hollywood assisting my uncle on his next big film project. I could be in Manhattan helping my stepdad manipulate the stock market like it’s his own personal lottery. I could be doing so much more, but I’m not. Instead, I’m stuck in a job I’m vastly overqualified for in a town where a tractor pull is considered a cultural event. So why do I stay if I could have a much more glamorous and exciting life?
Two words. Eric Young.
From the moment I set eyes on him at that Chamber of Commerce meeting, I knew he was the one for me. We were both up-and-comers at the time. He was getting ready to open the garden center and I was just appointed editor of the Independent Gazette. We were the bright young stars in the community, both looking to make a splash.
I’m usually not attracted to guys like Eric, but there was just something about him. He was poised yet thoughtful, articulate yet respectful. The way he presented his business plan to the loan committee made me sit up and take notice. I was bored out of my mind listening to a roomful of old men ramble on about the price of milk and soaring interest rates, but when Eric got behind the podium, he had my full attention.
I think he was surprised to see me there since the panel was dominated by lifelong business owners and I was fresh out of Harvard. Here I was, two weeks on the job, and I had a hand in deciding his fate. It was a heady feeling, knowing I’d have a role in determining his future. I seemed to make him nervous as I tossed my hair over my shoulder, daring him to take his eyes off me.
His presentation was impressive. He’d done his homework and knew what he was talking about, backing up his projected figures with market research and economic trends. He was a farm boy, sure, but he was a hell of a lot more than that. He was intelligent, well-spoken, persuasive—finally a man who was my equal in every respect. He didn’t have the advantages I grew up with, but he more than made up for his lack of wealth with his work ethic and charm. The way he presented himself screamed success. He was destined for great things, and I was determined to push him as far as he could go. The sky was the limit—with me by his side, of course.
When I approached him after the meeting to congratulate him on a job well done, he was polite yet firm as he turned me down. He was flattered, but he already had a girlfriend. I could tell he was conflicted. I had a deciding vote in approving his loan request. He was taking a huge risk, admitting that he wasn’t interested in me. I had the power to ruin him—or at least stop his business from getting off the ground.
At first, I was furious, hell-bent on getting even. But the more I asked around about him, the more I came to learn about him and Cassidy and how they grew up as childhood sweethearts. Their relationship wasn’t some casual fling. It spoke of a type of loyalty I couldn’t help but admire. Not many guys in their twenties know what they want, and his devotion to her spoke volumes. Here was a guy who was in it for the long haul. He was goal-oriented and romantic.
My only challenge was to get him to transfer that level of fidelity to me. Together we could conquer the world. With my money and influence coupled with his charisma and know-how, we’d make one hell of a couple. We’d blow this little town right out of the water. We could go anywhere. Do anything. Nothing could stop us. Nothing would stand in our way.
Except a baby.
At first, I was willing to wait it out. Yeah, Eric was building their dream house. He’d even proposed to Cassidy, but I knew better. I had my spies where I needed them. Cassidy wasn’t being so discreet with her little liaisons. She wasn’t covering her tracks. She was leaving a trail that was easy to trace. It’s like she wanted to get caught. I had her right where I wanted her.
And then Eric announced that she was pregnant and my bubble burst. He would never leave her at that point, no matter what she did to him. He would do everything he could to ensure his child grew up being raised by both a mother and a father. They were inexplicably bound, this fetus tethering them together through all eternity. Eric was a good Christian boy, raised in the church. He would marry the mother of his child, end of discussion.
Even if I’d told him that she was cheating on him and provided him with irrefutable proof, he’d still have walked her down the aisle. It’s just the kind of guy he is—dutiful to a fault. Then Cassidy got sick and the media turned her into a national martyr. It sickened me how everyone felt so sorry for her when Eric was the one pushed to the sidelines, the emphasis always on her. He was faithfully fulfilling his role, holding her hand in front of the cameras. He had no clue what was going on behind his back, but I did.
I bided my time. She had stage four breast cancer. The likelihood of her carrying that child to term was slim to none. If she somehow did manage to give birth, I would have had to seriously consider whether or not I wanted to raise her bastard child as my own. No matter how much I wanted Eric, I didn’t think I could stomach it. He would always love that child more than me because it was a part of Cassidy, and she was already on her way to sainthood. There was no getting in the way of that. It was either the child or me. If it had survived, I would have walked away.
When Cassidy passed away, taking the baby with her, I secretly rejoiced. It sounds horrible but she got what was coming to her. Eric was too good a man to be saddled with someone like her. She’d have kept him trapped in this backward community for the rest of his life. He would have been staring at a dead end by marrying her. She had no valuable connections. She couldn’t have advanced his career. But I could have gotten him out of this hellhole of a town.
I didn’t want to come on too strong after Cassidy died. I mean, the man was still in mourning. But every chance I had, I’d stop over the garden center or call him on the phone, letting him know I was still interested in him. He was lonely. I could tell, and I preyed on that. He was a man. It wouldn’t be long until he sought out some female companionship, and I was ready and willing to oblige. My number would be the first one he’d call, guaranteed.
But I waited and waited and nothing happened. My uncle kept pestering me to leave the Gazette and come out to L.A. to help him with his latest project. It was the holiday season and I was feeling low. I never like to admit defeat, but I was ready to give up. I could’ve told Eric about Cassidy, but why bother? I thought he’d come running the minute she was in the ground, but he didn’t. Maybe it was time for me to move on and forget all about him. But I gave it one last effort and called his number.
And lo and behold, he accepted my invitation for a nightcap. Sure, I labeled it a business meeting, but who talks profit margins on a Friday night? He knew what I was after. I didn’t have to spell it out for him. The look he gave me when I opened the door, I’ll never forget. It was hungry, desirous. Lust was radiating off of him. He’d never allowed himself to look at me that way before, but now his barriers were lowered. He was ready for something more.
This was the opportunity I’d been longing for. He was mine. All mine. And boy was I going to have fun with him. I opened a bottle of wine to ease things along, and before I knew it, we were on the couch in my office. I was undressing him. We were almost there. He was going to let me do him without a condom. I did a rapid mental calculation in my head. I was due to ovulate at any time. He could actually get me pregnant if we had sex. I wasn’t on the pill because I wasn’t sleeping with anybody. I hadn’t slept with anyone since college. He needed this. I needed this. My plan was working out beautifully—until I broke a nail.
I should’ve let it go and carried on, but I panicked. What if I really did end up pregnant after this? He was really not the Eric he was before. He wasn’t as driven. He wasn’t as focused. He’d let himself go, barely hanging on to what he had left. No doubt Cassidy’s death was a blow, but I thought he was strong enough to pick himself up and carry on. Now he was more of a wildcard, not so much of a sure bet. He wasn’t the confident, self-assured guy I’d seen in that meeting. Now it looked like he couldn’t even bother to shave. Was this what I really wanted in my life—a train wreck of a man whose best days were already behind him?
I used my broken nail as an excuse to stop things before they went too far. He needed more time to get his act together. I’d give him a few more months and see if he pulled through. There was no rush. It wasn’t like this town was crawling with available women. Who was he going to date instead—Marla down at the post office? I don’t think so.
We got dressed and said our awkward goodbyes, and I was disappointed when he climbed into his truck half loaded and drove away. I thought he’d at least call a cab. That wasn’t responsible behavior. Did he really care so little about his life that he’d risk driving under the influence on those icy country roads? Was that the kind of effect I had on him? I didn’t want to think about it. I shoved it to the back of my mind to ponder when I was sober.
Months went by and winter turned to spring. I was busy at work. The paper hit its first financial speed bump as the economy continued to sour and more and more businesses closed their doors. It was up to me to somehow find a way to make up the lost ad revenue. I decided to take on more unpaid interns for the summer and slash the payroll as much as I could. I added Ryan to the delivery staff and he asked about bringing Ivy on board. Little did I know that it would be the biggest mistake of my life.
I knew so little about her then. She was my stepbrother’s childhood friend. That about summed up my knowledge of her. I didn’t much care for her after our interview. She didn’t seem like she was taking it seriously, sassing me back and showing up in flip-flops, but I didn’t have the time or the desire to screen any more applicants. She seemed competent, so I pulled the trigger and did Ryan a favor.
I was so distracted at securing the payment for the theater’s ad space that I wasn’t thinking when I sent Ivy to pick up that stupid disk from Eric. It was like waving a red flag in front of a bull. Of course he was all over her. She was young and full of luscious curves. Guys eat that shit up, especially ones who haven’t gotten laid in two years. And then when she got to play the damsel in distress when her car ran out of gas, of course he came running to her rescue. I couldn’t have set things up more perfectly if I’d tried.
At the time, I didn’t think anything was up. I thought Eric was just being nice. It was her first day on the job. She’d gotten stranded, and he helped her out. I could tell Ivy was trying to play it off when she got back to the office, but I definitely picked up on the hostile vibes she was giving me when I talked about Eric. She didn’t want me anywhere near him, which surprised me because one of my spies told me that they had caught her flirting with Will earlier in the day. My informant managed to drag Will away from Ivy, but she said they were both pretty intense before she’d interrupted them.
It made me wonder if maybe I’d underestimated Ivy. She seemed like she was capable of manipulating the men in her life, using her body to her advantage. Ryan and I weren’t exactly close, so I had no clue how promiscuous she was. I never saw her acting overtly sexy in my presence. Until I found her smack dab in the middle of Eric’s lap, that is. That’s when I knew for sure things had gone too far. I had to put a stop to her antics before Eric’s dick got him in trouble and he did something stupid.
But he was already beyond my influence. Something about her had drawn him in and he wasn’t letting go, not without a fight. I did everything I could to make him see reason, but he didn’t want to hear it. He was determined to have her no matter what I said or did. He tossed me casually aside for a girl barely out of her teens who’d come from nothing and knew even less. We could’ve been so good together, great even. But he didn’t want an equal, a relationship of like minds and similar interests. No, he wanted to bury himself in this small town and fuck the living daylights out of some little tramp. He was giving up by settling for Ivy. She isn’t right for him. She can’t give him what he needs in the long run. But he didn’t seem to care.
And once again, he knocked up another one of his charity case girlfriends. Talk about being fertile. He was virile enough to impregnate the whole town. It’s a good thing I didn’t sleep with him that night or I’d be lugging around a diaper bag instead of a Coach patent-leather clutch. It makes me cringe to think he almost turned me into what I hate—a dim-witted woman, barefoot and pregnant, dependent on her man. That’s something I never want to be.
My mother taught me well. All men are jerks. Some are worse than others, but ultimately none of them truly know how to make a woman happy. Sure, things might start off promising. There’s always the honeymoon phase, but it doesn’t last. The problems of real life infiltrate every lovestruck cocoon and annoyances crop up. Pretty soon, trivial things turn into major problems. Compatibility is the stuff of legend. It doesn’t exist. Men get bored and check out while women get fat and keep busy. Eyes wander. Crankiness replaces conversation, and couples split up and move on to greener pastures. While people may say forever at the altar, nobody really means it. A woman needs to look out for her own best interests by putting herself first. It’s bad enough to have to endure the pain of a mutual separation, but it’s murder when the cord can’t be severed because of financial reasons. My mom told me to never put myself in a situation like that. I was always reminded that a happy woman is one who is able to support herself and can walk away from a man at any time. Her message was clear. Never get trapped. Never give in.
But she never said anything about revenge.
* * *
It’s time for them to face the music. No more waiting around.
“You’re sure they’re back?” I ask Ryan as he fiddles with the paperclip holder on my desk.
“Yeah. I was parked in that field all night. I saw them get out of Eric’s truck. Woo fucking hoo,” he responds a little too nonchalantly for my taste.
“And you’re positive no one noticed you?” That’s all I need is for him to get careless now at this stage of the game.
“Ha, I only wish they did,” he grumbles, slouching down even farther on the folding chair. “Man, I’d like to have another go around with Eric. Give that prick what he has coming to him.”
“You’ll do no such thing,” I warn him, my tone lethal. “You’re not to go anywhere near them, you hear me? You got off easy the last time when neither of them pressed charges. I don’t think they’ll be so generous this time around if they catch you on their property.”
“Oh, so it’s ‘their’ property now, is it?” Ryan smirks at me, spreading his legs apart even more. “I didn’t think giving up was your style.”
“Sit up straight. And pull your pants up while you’re at it. You look like a thug.” I glare at him. If he thinks he’s going to goad me into an argument, he’s sadly mistaken. He’s baiting me, but I wasn’t born yesterday. I know what’s really bothering him. “Was Will there too?”
“Yeah,” he says, rubbing a hand across his stubble.
“Anyone else?” I shuffle through some papers, pretending like I’m only half listening.
“His parents…that guy Jack and his wife…Ben and some chick.” He plays it off like it’s nothing, but he’s not that smooth. His voice definitely rises when he says Ben’s name.
“How did they react to seeing Will?” I ask while clicking through my emails. “I bet he made quite an impression.”
“What do you mean?” Ryan responds almost too quickly.
“I don’t know…I mean, he is charming and if I dare say easy on the eyes, especially up close.” I can’t resist smiling as he squirms uncomfortably on the tiny chair.
“Knock it off, Lauren.” He eyes me warily. Good, I have him on the defensive—just where I want him to be.
“If you say so, Ryan. I mean, he had both genders falling all over him in L.A. I even saw him with the sugar daddy he was shacking up with, but I think that’s over now. I bet he’s back on the market just looking for someone new.” I sit back in my leather chair as I deliver that particular dagger to his heart. Ryan thinks he’s so unaffectedly jaded. Please, he’s like a schoolgirl with a crush. “Why were you there all night? You didn’t have to stick around.”
“I had some things I needed to take care of,” he replies glumly.
“Like?” I challenge him, waiting to see if he’ll finally admit to what I’ve known all along.
“Their comings and goings, if they needed to rush Ivy to the hospital in the middle of the night. I thought you’d want to keep tabs on her.” He’s bluffing, and it kind of makes me feel sorry for him—almost.
“So were there any late-night movements?” I click my heels in anticipation on the plastic mat surrounding my desk, fully expecting him to lie to me.
