Текст книги "Look After Us"

Автор книги: Elena Matthews

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Текущая страница: 9 (всего у книги 10 страниц)

“I’ve been dying to do this all night … touch you like this in this sexy dress of yours.”

My ass involuntarily thrusts back, feeling his hardness even more through his pants. His fingers push down further until he’s brushing over my hardened nipple. “Ashton,” I breathe as he circles my nipple with his fingers.

“What, baby? What is it?” he whispers roughly against my ear.

“I want you.” My eyes flicker closed at the intense pleasure that’s floating through my bloodstream. I almost groan with frustration when the warmth of his fingers pulls away, but that feeling is quickly replaced as I hear the sound of my zipper being pulled down.

“We need to get you out of this dress then …” he whispers seductively in my ear as he continues to make slow work of the zipper at the back of my dress. “It’s beautiful … but not as beautiful as you.” My lips form into a dreamy smile as his crafted fingers caress along my exposed back the further the zipper slides towards the edge of my ass until my dress falls around my feet. I hear a hiss expel from his lips as his fingers lightly travel down towards my laced underwear, teasing the skin just beneath the waistband.

“How did I get so lucky to find you?” I ask as my lungs become short of breath at the way he sets my body alight with his touch. I can feel his eyes burn into the back of my head and it’s seconds until I feel his intoxicating breath along my cheek. Unbearable heat swirls around me. I begin to feel dizzy with desire.

“It wasn’t luck, it was destiny …”

My heart doubles in rhythm, and I pivot my neck to allow my eyes to take in his handsome face. The hooded emeralds that I’m met with is all it takes before I’m turning into his arms and slamming my lips onto his, gripping hold of his tuxedo vest for dear life. Our tongues collide and he meets me for every eager sweep. His masculine hands make their way down my back until they’re clutched tightly against my bare ass. In one smooth move he lifts me into his arms and I wrap my legs around his waist, my hands ripping open his vest before making a quick start on his shirt. I can feel his rock hard cock through the thin lace of my thong, and the feel of him against my throbbing clit has me groaning into his mouth and clawing at his bare shoulders through the gap of his half-unbuttoned shirt. My body moves along with his as he takes a few steps forward until his legs hit the end of the bed. Without moving his lips from mine, he gently lays me on my back against the cool sheets and settles effortlessly between my legs. My legs find their way back around his waist and I roll my hips against his, rubbing myself against his hardness. The growl that vibrates against my mouth has me furiously tearing at his clothes, desperate to discard them for good. I don’t know where this raw sexuality has come from, but right now all I care about is making love to my husband. I need him like the air I breathe. The fiery heat I feel running through my veins, the all-consuming yearning I have for him, only clarifies my need for him.

“Ashton,” I pant as I manage to break away from his lips for a split second before they connect again, his intoxicating taste engulfing my senses.

His hands leisurely wander over my half-naked body, a sensual touch that has lust-filled tingles erupting along every part of my body. “Ashton,” I whimper a second time as my fingers caress along his shoulders, making their way down to his waist until they come to a satisfying stop against his zipper. His hazy eyes meet mine and I have to bite back the moan at how incredibly sexy he looks right now; all flushed, out of breath and turned on.

“Yes, baby?” he asks, his eyes deepening with a darkness that has my fingers working his zipper.

“I want you … now,” I say, and he claims my mouth like it was perfectly made to fit against his. As I strip the rest of his clothes from his body and he rids me of my barely-there thong, we never once lose contact. I can feel the tip of his cock pressing against my drenched opening. His mouth pulls away from mine and he focuses his beautiful green eyes on me.

“I thought I was living the life I thought I was always destined to live … but then destiny decided to put an angel in my path, and from that moment on you took the piece of my heart that was simply coasting through life. You saved me from a life of misery; you saved me from ever existing without you. You’re my life baby, you’re my everything … you saved me.”

A hiss slowly escapes my mouth as his cock slides inside me. I shake my head as a single tear escapes. “No. You’re wrong. We saved each other from a life of misery; we saved each other from ever existing without each other. We saved each other.” My sentence ends on a soft moan as he thrusts inside of me, slowly yet with force.

“I love you, Ava,” he breathes across my lips, and before he gives me a chance to say it back, he’s already closing the space between us, pressing his lips back onto mine. His hips pick up speed as he loses himself in our kiss, thrusting into me at a leisurely pace that leaves me dazed. Unable to verbally express my love for him, I allow my finger to spell out the word ‘I’. Then I draw out a love heart before ending it with the word ‘you’ along the ridge of his shoulder blade. He groans into my mouth the very moment my finger comes to a stop and I know instantly he felt it, that he knew what my words said because his thrusts become more fierce, more intense …

Ashton is the only man I have ever been able to lose myself in, to allow the world to disappear around us and live in one where happily ever afters exist and tragedies and demons do not. When I’m lost within his touch, I feel like I can do the impossible, that I can overcome anything that life brings us.

I once prayed for death to end the torture my life brought to me, but I’m glad my prayers were left unanswered. I couldn’t imagine not being able to feel the ecstasy that currently fills my veins with pleasure or the unconditional love I feel in every subtle caress and stroke that comes from only experiencing this intense, earth-shattering, all-consuming love with the one person who I simply can’t exist without.

Right now I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my entire life, and Ashton is the reason I’m able to enjoy the pleasures that life can bring. He was there for me when I needed someone the most, when I fought two of the most terrifying battles of my life.

He saved me when nobody else could, and because of that I feel almost invincible.

And now, instead of hiding in the dark, I bask in the light.

I’m no longer scared of my past and the demons that lurk in the shadows.

I’m now excited to see what life brings … with the two people I would live, breathe and die for.

I’m finally getting the happily ever after that I finally deserve.

Two months later

THE SOUND OF GIGGLING soothes me as I watch Lily-Mai from my lounger, her tiny feet running along the soft sand until they’re paddling in the clear blue waters. She looks so adorable in her cute little turquoise swimsuit and matching armbands and my heart melts just looking at her perfection. Ashton comes into view as he lifts Lily up into his arms and runs into the shallow water. My heart goes from melting to thundering in my chest within seconds. My eyes wander along his half-naked frame, taking in the cuts and lines of his toned muscles that are sun-kissed from three days of Hawaiian sunshine. My eyes continue downwards, taking in his board shorts that hang loose on his hips, his masculine legs and perfectly arched feet. I blink when my eyes finally settle on his face and see a raised eyebrow, his hooded eyes indicating he has just caught me blatantly checking him out. I smile unabashedly at him, unashamed of appreciating my husband’s perfect form. His look turns appreciative as he takes in my bikini-clad body, shooting me a wink before focusing his attention on my daughter.

I inhale a satisfied breath into the beaming sunshine as I continue watching the two of them goof around in the clear blue waters. I have to pinch myself to double check that this is my life I’m currently living in … that this is my life because I never knew happiness could be like this … so perfect.

We are on a week’s vacation to Hawaii and yesterday on this very same beach, with my daughter in the arms of Ashton and in front of Caleb and his boyfriend, Landon, I officially became Mrs. Ava Bailey. I wore a long, white flowing beach dress, with my hair falling loosely over my shoulders, and I married the love of my life for the second time. It was simple … yet perfect. I was surrounded with the only people who matter to me and I couldn’t have asked for more.

I continue to lie here on the lounger, my eyes never once straying from the two loves of my life. Being here with my family, drinking ridiculously delicious drinks made from fresh pineapples, and the sun shining down on me, this right here is my heaven … my nirvana. I’m deliriously happy and I wish my life could stay in this picture-perfect setting for the rest of my life. I know life doesn’t work that way, but right now I’m going to enjoy every minute of the good that life can bring.

Smiling, I stand on my bare feet and make my way over to Ashton and Lily. Ashton is the first to see me approach before Lily screeches, “Mommy!” at the top of her lungs. She wades her way through the water until she’s jumping into my arms.

“Hey, baby,” I say as I adjust her in my arms, the water from her body dripping onto my heated skin. “Wow, that water’s cold!” I shriek out animatedly for her benefit, causing her to sweetly giggle.

Ashton steps closer and looks at Lily with a mischievous grin on his face.

“Maybe Mommy needs to get wet, huh?” I smirk and find myself backing up from him and the devilish glint in his eyes. “I would love to get Mommy wet,” he says with a wicked smile, and I smack him lightly against his arm at the hidden innuendo. “Ashton!” I exclaim through laughter.

“What? I meant it in a totally innocent way … I promise.” Hmm, innocent my ass. Lily wriggles from my grasp and the moment her feet are imbedded in the wet sand she shouts, “Let’s wet Mommy!” And seconds later I’m being chased around the shore getting soaked by both Ashton and Lily. I can’t help but smile in this beautiful moment.

After a while of goofing around on the beach we bring an exhausted Lily back to the sun loungers, where she immediately passes out under the shade, gently snoring.

Ashton sits down on the twin lounger and without a moment’s thought I nuzzle myself between his legs, with my back to his chest and my head resting against his shoulder.

“Are you okay?” he asks pressing a gentle kiss against my earlobe. His hands trace the edge of my hips, his fingers playing loosely with the thread of my bikini bottoms.

“I’m perfect …” I sigh, feeling wonderful. I am so content right here, I feel like now is the perfect time to confess the secret I’ve been holding for almost a week. “I do have something to tell you though,” I begin a little hesitantly, my heartbeat beginning to pick up. I don’t know why I’m nervous. I know he’s going to be happy, but it’s just once he knows, it will become real and then my terrified, irrational thoughts will begin to consume my mind. I turn to face him and I can see the confusion in his eyes by the way his brows draw inwards. When I’m still silent and the words I need to say out loud are still on the tip of my tongue, Ashton says, “What is it? You look petrified.”

Here goes nothing …

Taking in a deep breath, I shakily say, “I’m pregnant.”

His eyes grow and his face breaks out in the biggest smile I think I’ve ever seen.

“You’re pregnant?” he asks, not in shock but with excitement.

I gently nod as I shift my position so I’m kneeling in between his thighs. “Yeah …”

“Baby, this is amazing!” He slams his lips onto mine and my breath catches at the sudden contact. He quickly pulls away, his green eyes searching my own. When he notices that I’m not smiling, his own smile falters and understanding seems to ignite in his eyes.

“You’re scared,” he says as a statement rather than a question because he knows me and knows that pregnancy is a scary subject for me.

“I’m happy, I really am. I love that it’s your child growing inside me, but I’m petrified that I’m going to lose the baby or go into premature labor again. The thought of losing our baby…”

“Ava …” He brings both of his hands up to my face and gently caresses my cheeks with the pads of his thumbs, capturing my stare with his. “I get that you’re scared, but this doesn’t have to be scary. We’ll be more prepared this time. As soon as we get home, we will consult with the best doctors across the country and make sure this pregnancy runs smoothly. You’re in the best hands possible, I promise.” He pauses for a brief moment to place a slow, delicate kiss against my lips. I take great comfort from his words and feel a little calmer than I did less than a minute ago. “When did you find out?”

“A couple of days before we left for Hawaii … I’ve been feeling a little sick lately, so I went to the doctor to get checked out and he confirmed that I was pregnant. He’s not sure how far along I am, but I have an appointment with the OB/GYN on Wednesday, so I’ll find out then.”

“We need to cancel it. I’ll get you in with Dr. Flanagan on Monday. She’s the best neonatal surgeon I know, and she’s a certified OB/GYN. I’ll give her a call later,” he says in a do-not-argue-with-me tone.

“Okay,” I say with a smile. Anybody else and I probably would have argued it, but since Ashton helped save Lily when she was born, his medical opinion is the only opinion I can trust, and if he says Dr. Flanagan is the best then I believe him.

He leans in closer and rests his head against mine. “We can do this, okay? It might not be easy but we can definitely do this.”

My smile grows as my fingers crawl into his wet hair, and I begin to massage his scalp as I focus on the deep green hues of his eyes. “We can do this,” I repeat with a certainty that eases my insecurities, and I’m finally able to feel excited at the prospect of bringing another human being into this world … mine and Ashton’s little human being.

“We’re having a baby,” I laugh excitedly and Ashton laughs along with me, clutching me tight to his body.

“We certainly are …” Ashton says just before he presses his lips back onto mine. We spend a few moments celebrating our news in the midst of a breathtaking kiss. He pulls away and what he does next will be etched in my mind until the day I die. Shifting on his knees, he gently smoothes his hand across my stomach before lowering his head, pressing a soft kiss against the center of my bare skin, inches away from where our tiny baby grows in the warmth of my uterus. “Hey baby, I’m your daddy,” he whispers against my stomach, causing moisture to well up in my eyes and happy tears to fall freely down my cheeks. “I can’t wait to meet you, and if you’re anything like your momma, you will be just as beautiful. Now, I don’t want you doing a Lily on us and coming early. You need to stay in there until you’re healthy and strong … but if you do decide to honor us with your presence earlier than planned, then we will fight along with you, just like we did with Lily. We will look after you. Everything will be okay, I promise.”

He places another tender kiss on my stomach. His loving touch has me sighing in content, my skin tingling from his deep affection for me. He stands tall on his knees and slides his fingers through my hair until both hands are resting at either side of my head.

“You’re amazing. Has anybody ever told you that?” I ask with a smile on my face.

He tilts his head to the side, regarding me with humor, giving me his signature smirk. “Yeah, a few times, but I never get tired of hearing it.”

I shift closer to him until my chest is pressed up against his, and let my hands linger against his firm abs. “I love you so much,” I declare, feeling my heart double in size at the love I feel for this man, my husband.

“Not as much as I love you,” he says before descending his lips onto mine. I find myself falling under his spell, entranced with his smell, touch and feel. And now that I’m carrying his baby we made together in an act of loving passion, knowing that I have a piece of him growing inside me, makes me fall deeper in love with him. The thought of having another baby always scared me. I was positive I wouldn’t be able to cope … that if I was placed in the same situation that led me to almost losing Lily I would hit breaking point, but now that I have the strength of Ashton, I know I can cope with just about anything that life throws at me.

They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, and I now understand that it isn’t about defying the bad in life and surviving life’s curveballs, but it’s about embracing the bad and turning it into a positive, turning it into strength. In the past I could have allowed the evil to weaken my soul, to destroy every living cell of my body, but instead I found the strength in an unexpected place. I found it in the love of my life.

Ashton is not only my strength, he’s my hero, soul mate and my best friend too, and no matter what life throws at us next, I know as long as I have him by my side, I can survive anything.

Seven months later

TODAY IS THE DAY. The day that I become a father. Of course I already feel like a father to Lily-Mai since I love her like she’s my own, but my daughter, my flesh and blood—yes we’re having a girl—is moments away from being welcomed into the world. It’s three weeks earlier than most pregnancies but this hasn’t been your average pregnancy, and to get to this stage is beyond anything we could have imagined. Seven months ago when Ava told me she was pregnant, she made me the happiest guy on this earth. The moment we landed back in Seattle I couldn’t wait a moment longer to find out how far along Ava was, so we got a cab straight to the hospital. After numerous tests and a transvaginal ultrasound, we were told the baby was healthy at eight weeks gestation and that her cervix and uterus were normal.

I couldn’t help but chuckle when I realized the conception was around the time of my brother’s wedding in Texas, well … our joint wedding since we crashed it with our own impromptu ceremony. We had so much sex that weekend I’m not surprised she got pregnant. We were at it like rabbits.

With Ava’s history of premature labor, and the previous complications that resulted with the early arrival of Lily, the OB/GYN explained how she would keep a close eye on Ava’s cervix and uterus with regular appointments to see how she progressed. After that first hospital appointment, we were able to breathe for a moment … and things were steady up until Ava hit her eighteenth week when she began to bleed. She automatically assumed the worst, and if I’m being honest I had my worries too, but I managed to hide it from Ava because the last thing I wanted was to add to her anxiety. From a doctor’s standpoint I knew I shouldn’t have let myself panic without further investigation, but for the first time in my life I became the parent. I found myself in a similar situation my patients’ parents find themselves in and I understood exactly how they felt; looking down at their baby who shouldn’t even be born yet and wondering if they would survive.

After an emergency appointment with Dr. Flanagan, it came to our attention that Ava had cervical insufficiency, which causes the cervix to shorten and dilate prematurely. Thankfully it was caught in time for Ava to undergo a cerclage procedure where a stitch is put in place to close the cervix. Once that was done, her pregnancy was smooth sailing. The aim was to get her to a healthy gestation of thirty-six or thirty-seven weeks and then take the stitch out to allow natural labor to begin. Miraculously, Ava’s managed to hold our baby girl until thirty-seven weeks. And oh boy was it a beautiful sight to behold. Just watching Ava’s stomach continue to grow with our baby was overwhelming, yet sexy as hell. Since the moment she told me she was pregnant, my hormones have been haywire and I’ve constantly wanted to jump her bones. There’s just something so incredibly sexy about a pregnant woman, especially my pregnant woman. But frustratingly we’ve not been able to have sex ever since she had the stitch put in as it was highly recommended by the doctor to abstain from sexual intercourse until the end of the pregnancy. I was a hundred percent behind the doctor’s decision, as I didn’t want to risk tearing the stitch and inducing premature labor. We were desperate for our baby to stay safe in the warmth of Ava’s womb for as long as possible, and we weren’t going to let anything jeopardize that. However, that’s not to say Ava didn’t make good use of her tongue because she did—we both did.

Returning to the now, we’re inside the operating room, my hand clutched tight into Ava’s and my mask-covered lips pressed gently against her forehead trying to calm her down. Ava wanted a natural birth, but because of the complications with her uterus during Lily’s birth, a cesarean section is the only option.

I can see the surgeon and medical staff—my colleagues—out of the corner of my eye preparing to make the surgical cut, and I’m thankful for the protector screen that conceals her view of the surgery because if she took one look at the surgical instruments they’re about use on her it would take more than my gentle touch to put her at ease.

“You okay, baby?” I ask through my protective mask.

She nods a little apprehensively but smiles through the nerves. “Yeah I’m okay … I just want to meet our baby girl.”

I roll my spin seat closer to her until I’m eye to eye with Ava. “Me too …”

“Can you tell me what they’re doing?” She almost pleads, and has a terrified look in her eyes. She hates that everything is blocked from her view. She hates being helpless.

I chuckle low at her question. “Hell no … I’m trying to calm you, not add to the scare factor. The less you know the better, baby. Trust me.”

“I sometimes don’t know if being with a doctor is a blessing or a curse,” she says with a slanted smile and I shake my head, marveled at the way she can smile when her delicate hand shakes within mine. I lean in closer until my face is only inches away from hers.

“It’s definitely a blessing,” I say before I pull my mask down for the briefest second while I press my lips to hers. I pull the mask back over my mouth just as the surgeon speaks up. “Ava, how are you feeling back there? You okay?”

She inhales a deep breath. “Yeah, I’m okay.”

“Just relax. In a few minutes you’ll get to meet your baby. How does that sound?” the surgeon asks and I find myself smiling at her question.

“Amazing …” Ava says in a dream-like sigh, smiling at me with the anticipation of what’s to come.

“Can you feel this, Ava?” the surgeon checks moments later, and without seeing what they’re doing I know that they’re pressing into her incision area with surgical scissors to see if she can feel anything.

“No.”

“What about this?”

“No,” Ava says with a shake of her head.

“Can you feel this?” The surgeon asks a few more times with Ava responding with a ‘no’ every time.

The surgery begins and my heart begins to thud inside my chest as a mixture of excitement and nerves begin to soar through my veins. I can’t believe this is finally happening … after all of the months of worry and the possible worst outcomes that terrified us to death, we’re finally meeting our daughter. She might need a couple of days in hospital to monitor her breathing and development, but it’s better than the outcome of what could have happened if she was born weeks earlier. I’m a neonatologist; I know what can happen and how life threatening a child’s life can be if they’re not fully developed. I’ve also seen firsthand what happens to a parent when they watch their baby who’s no more than twenty-five weeks take their last breath. It takes a little bit of their soul away and it’s fucking heartbreaking.

Today was always a long shot; we had no idea how long this pregnancy would last, but I have to thank my lucky stars that we got to this stage. I like to think my brother and Ava’s dad have something to do with it; looking down on us, protecting us, but since my emotions are already causing my lungs to burn with its intensity at the prospect of finally meeting my daughter, I put that thought to the very back of my mind. I can only take so much emotion on a day like today without bringing up ghosts as well.

I keep my eyes on Ava, allowing her sweet browns to get lost in my dazzling green eyes she loves so much—her words not mine—in a bid to take her mind off the brutality the surgeons are currently inflicting on her. I find myself tightening my grip against Ava’s hand when she winces a few times at the heavy pressure I can imagine she’s feeling as they force our daughter out of her womb, and I know it’s only seconds until we finally get to see our daughter in the flesh. The moment Ava’s contorted face smoothes out, both surgeons cheer through laughter along with the other medical staff.

“Oh wow, you’ve sure got yourselves a beautiful baby girl,” one surgeon says before a lungful of crying can be heard. My heart skips a beat when we get a brief glimpse of our blood-covered daughter over the screen before she’s taken away to get cleaned up.

But wow, she’s so fucking beautiful, even covered with vernix and blood.

Ava’s lip trembles just as my eyes begin to blur with happy, emotional tears. “We have a baby girl?” Ava questions with amazement, even though we’ve known the sex of our baby since her eighteen-week ultrasound at the emergency appointment.

“Yeah, we have a baby girl,” I choke through thick emotion.

Laughter bubbles from the back of her throat and it quickly turns into a high-pitched sob. I can’t help but cry along with her as we take in the pure magnitude of this moment. The moment that is sure to be the third greatest moment of my life.

The first was when I stumbled across the beautiful brunette mother who was in front of her daughter’s incubator, the daughter who I’d been closely observing.

The second was the moment that beautiful brunette mother agreed to marry me in an impromptu ceremony at my brother’s wedding, then two months later married me again with Lily-Mai in my arms on a hot exotic beach, where Ava officially became Mrs. Ava Bailey.

And the third is now … the moment a nurse lays our baby in my arms and I find myself falling in love again, only this time it’s my daughter who I’m madly in love with. She’s beautiful and looks just like her mom.

I edge even closer to Ava so she can get a good look at her daughter. I gently caress my baby girl’s hat-covered head with my fingertips as her puffy dark blue eyes roam over my face, blinking heavily every few seconds.

“She’s perfect,” Ava says with an exhaled sob and I can only agree, because she really is … she’s incredibly perfect.

“She really is,” I repeat my thoughts out loud, and my vocal chords at this point become strained with heavy emotion and I hardly recognize my own voice. After gazing at my daughter without so much as blinking for two minutes straight, and I’ve memorized her cute button nose, full lips and soft wrinkled skin, I finally look at Ava and our tear-streaked eyes meet each other’s.

“You did good, baby … so fucking good.” Tears continue to fall from her glistening eyes and she gives me a breathtaking smile through a stammering cry.

“I couldn’t have done it without you,” she replies as her eyes briefly take in her daughter who is now wriggling in my arms as a screech-filled cry escapes her tiny little mouth.

I adjust her slightly in my arms and smile down at her. “It’s okay, baby girl …” I hush softly, kissing the top of her head. I inhale the heavenly smell that all newborn babies are born with and I watch as Ava’s eyes roam over every inch of our daughter’s beautiful face.

“She has blue eyes … which tells me she’ll probably have the same green eyes as you.”

“You think?” I ask with a smile.

“I hope so … they’re my favorite shade of green.” My smile grows and I fall in love with her all over again. Hell, if I could marry her again I would … in fact, maybe I will; after all, I did promise she could have as many weddings as she wanted.

“So what name are we going to go with?” I ask after a few long moments of staring contently at our beautiful creation. After months of trying to come up with a name, two days ago we finally had it narrowed down to two, but Ava didn’t want to decide until we got our first glimpse of her. Ava looks at me and with a huge smile plastered on her face, I know exactly the name that goes perfectly with our daughter because the very second I saw her I knew it in an instant. And it’s a wonderful tribute to Ava’s late sister.

“Francesca,” Ava says softly as her eyes glisten and spill with even more tears. And with that, I remove my mask and gently press another kiss against Francesca’s head before pressing a kiss to Ava’s mouth, lingering there for a few long moments. I pull away with a smile. “I love you so much. Not only do I have you and Lily, I now have Francesca and it’s more than any man could have ever dreamed for.” I look at my daughter and chuckle under my breath. “But damn, baby … I’m officially screwed. I’m up against three chicks now … that’s a lot of pink.”

Ava gently laughs and she shakes her head with amusement.

“Well I’ll be sure to purchase some football shirts for us, to even the pink out a little.”

“Or maybe we can try for a boy …” I say, being deadly serious with her. The thought of having a house full of kids feels incredibly good right now, and the thought of extending our family with a boy makes me excited to try for another baby the second Ava gets the all-clear to have sex again. I know the past several months have been tough; not knowing if Ava would make it to full term with Francesca, or if we would have had a fighting battle on our hands like we had with Lily, but all those tense moments makes this moment of looking down at our daughter—who is only minutes old—worth every second of panic and heartache.