Текст книги "Look After Us"

Автор книги: Elena Matthews

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Текущая страница: 7 (всего у книги 10 страниц)

I have to look away for a moment, swallowing back the emotion that seems to be lodged at the back of my throat. His thumb and finger turns my head in his direction, forcing my gaze on his. “I pushed her off me straight away and told her that under no circumstances was she ever to kiss me again. I love you, Ava … and I told her that no one would ever come close to the love that I feel for you. You have to believe that.”

I’m silent for a minute as I allow his words to sink in. I know by the look of sincerity in his eyes and his honest words that he’s telling me the truth—much to my relief—but something still doesn’t sit right with me.

I heavily gulp as I shift closer to him. “You didn’t push her away immediately. I saw you for at least five seconds with her lips attached to yours before I couldn’t take anymore, and for every single second it didn’t look like you were pushing her off you.”

Heavily exhaling, he forces his eyes down to the ground for a long moment before tilting his head back towards me, running his hand down his face. “You’re right, a couple of seconds passed before I made the decision to push her away from me but I have been drinking tonight, it was simply a delayed reaction. It didn’t mean anything.”

I slam my eyes closed, feeling the tears brimming along my lids, seeking their escape.

“So you are telling me that you kissed her back?” I ask, glancing back at him.

“What? No!” he stresses, his eyes wide with panic. “I just meant if it weren’t for the alcohol that the shock wouldn’t have slowed down my senses. I admit my lips were attached to hers, but never for one minute did I move my lips against hers, or lean in to deepen the kiss. I swear, baby …”

My eyes trace over his hand as I watch how his fingers inch closer to mine until his whole hand covers my own. Shivers erupt around me from the touch of his skin. It happens every time he touches me, but right now I can’t bear it. Even though he hasn’t betrayed me, everything is still too raw, too fresh.

I shake my head as I unclasp my hand from his and stand, needing to make some much-needed space between us. I need to think. I need to breathe.

“But your lips were still on hers, the same lips that I kissed only hours earlier. The image of her lips against yours—whether you were kissing her back or not—is an image that simply can’t be erased.” I turn around to face him, and I ignore the way my heart falters as I take in his glistening emerald eyes that have been swallowed up with pure emotion.

“If it was anyone else I’d be able to forget, but it wasn’t. It was Riley, who I’ve been insanely jealous of since the moment I met her, and it seems my jealousy was warranted all along. And if you had opened your eyes to her discreet touching, her flirtatious smiles, her lack of fricking clothes for the past two days, then maybe you wouldn’t have found yourself in that situation in the first place.”

Suddenly he’s on his feet and gripping hold of my arms in a tight embrace, his face inches away from me, his hypnotic eyes boring into mine.

“You don’t see it do you?”

“See what?” I tremble.

“The reason why I haven’t acknowledged her.” He brings his hands up to my face, cupping my cheeks with his tense touch that sears into my skin like wildfire. “You, Ava. You are the reason why she hasn’t even registered on my radar because all I ever see is you. You have me bound so tight that even if a girl was standing naked in front of me, I would be blind to it because when I’m with you, everything else around me just fades away. Hell, when you’re not with me, I still find it hard to even look at another woman because you’re on my brain twenty-four seven. I become blind to those around me because it’s only you I can see. It’s been that way since the moment I met you.”

My eyes flutter closed when he dips his head and gently presses his lips to mine, causing my breath to catch at the back of my throat. After a few seconds he pulls away and rests his head against mine, looking down at me with an intensity that sends shock waves through my nervous system.

“I love you.”

I give out a heavenly sigh, my body tingling from the feel of his breath against my lips. “I love you, too.” I step away from his embrace, ignoring the chill I feel at the loss of contact, even in the eighty-degree heat. “But I can’t be around you right now, I just … I need to be alone. Please … I need time to let tonight sink in.”

“You promise to still be here in the morning?”

I give a gentle nod. “I’m not going anywhere; I just need some time alone.” He takes a step forward and presses a kiss to my temple before slowly distancing himself.

“Okay. I’ll stay with Tyler in the pool house for the rest of the night.”

He seems to hesitate for a moment, but eventually he begins to walk backwards, his eyes never straying from mine. “I’ll see you in the morning.” He turns around and I can only nod as I watch his retreating back walk in the direction of the house, but not before taking one final glance.

Once alone, I drop my exhausted body on the porch steps and I let the past twenty-five minutes soak in, trying to let my body catch up with the overwhelming emotions that flow through my veins.

It’s only when I feel Alana’s motherly arms wrap around me that I finally set my emotions free by letting my tears fall without any interruptions.

I HAVEN’T SLEPT A wink.

How can I when I know my fiancée is hurting? Hurting because I’m a fucking idiot. I’m supposed to be the person in her life who protects her … who looks after her, but it seems even I’m not immune to breaking her beautiful, fragile heart.

When I walked away from her last night to give her the space she needed, the space she needed away from me—which was by far one of the hardest things I have ever had to do—I headed straight to the pool house. I stripped down to my boxer shorts, lay on the sofa and stared up at the ceiling, replaying everything in my head.

I kept going over the look of despair I saw piercing into the very soul of me last night, when Ava thought I had deceived her. How can she even think I would be interested in another woman when all my thoughts are consumed by only her? Well, her and Lily. I’m so deeply and madly in love with her that I’m pretty certain it borders on clinically psychotic. I’m obsessed with her, one hundred percent spellbound and in love—and as my brother even called me last night: pussy-whipped.

I think I’ve always felt that way about Ava, even from the very first moment I laid eyes on her, the new mother of a twenty-seven week old preemie while she sat in her wheelchair in complete and utter silence, watching her baby with an awed gaze that mesmerized me. She drew me in like a moth to a flame, and the instant my fingers came into close contact with the fire, I knew I was too late … She drew me in until I was too far gone. I was hers … even if she wasn’t mine.

Yesterday we were blissfully happy; laughing, and having hot, incredible sex, but today … well I’m a miserable son of a bitch because I feel lost without her.

It doesn’t help that when I tried to see her this morning, just to see if she was okay and try to somehow make up for my colossal fuck up to her, my mom wouldn’t let me within a mile of her. She was beyond pissed at me, and it seemed Ava had a new protector in the form of my mom. In a firm do-not-argue-with-your-mother kind of way, she told me, “She doesn’t want to see you. Thanks to you, that girl was a wreck all night. You need to stay away until she’s ready to see you. Let her breathe, Ashton.” Reluctantly I turned away but, in that moment, I came face to face with Riley, and I swear if the look of wrath my mom threw her way could kill, Riley wouldn’t have stood a chance.

Crunching down on my jaw, I purposely ignored Riley and focused on my mom. “Can you at least tell her that I love her, please?” I implored.

My mom nodded before turning away, heading in the direction of the guest room that had somehow turned into some kind of bridal sanctuary, but not before shooting another dagger at Riley.

I turned and began to walk downstairs when Riley called out my name. Angry at the fact I couldn’t see my fiancée thanks to Riley, and her need to fuck up my relationship with the only woman that matters to me, I turned to her and said, with a menacing grit to my voice, “Stay away from me. You’re the reason why my fiancée won’t fucking talk to me.”

That led me to now, standing with my brother at the top of the makeshift altar, sweating my balls off as the sun pounds down on us in the afternoon heat as the chairs begin to fill up with guests.

“Jesus, man … whose idea was it to wear goddamn tuxes in the middle of freaking August?” I complain pulling at my collar, hating the way the oppressive heat makes it feel as though it’s constricting my airways.

“Stop bitching, asshat, and man the fuck up.”

I bark out a laugh. “Are you kidding me? I’m not the one who couldn’t stop throwing up this morning because I was getting married today. That, bud, was all you.”

“Come on, man … I’m nervous as hell. You’re my best man, you’re supposed to be making me feel better or some shit.” Despite my mood, I can’t keep the chuckle that escapes my lips. He’s right though; it’s my job to keep his shit together. I step in front of him, placing my hands on either side of his shoulders, gripping him tightly.

“Why are you nervous? You’re marrying the woman of your dreams today, the woman you love. It’s a pretty awesome day to be you, brother.” He takes a deep breath through his nose, and exhales out of his mouth. After a few moments, his frigid demeanor slowly relaxes until he finally cracks a smile.

“God, I’m one lucky guy.”

A ghost of a smile splays across my lips as the sudden image of Ava’s beautiful smile, beautiful laugh … beautiful everything hits me like a freight train and the clarity, the smooth definition of her perfection takes my breath away, just as it does when her beauty is only an inch away.

“Me too … I just hope Ava is able to forgive me.” Once Tyler woke up this morning and noticed my brooding self on the sofa in the pool house with an unbelievably angry scowl on my face, I was forced to tell him what happened during the night.

“Of course she will, she loves you … and technically you didn’t do anything wrong. It was all Riley.”

I nod knowing he’s right, but hating that I’m the reason Ava won’t even talk to me. She can’t even bear to look at me. I hate myself. If I had been one hundred percent sober last night, then my inhibitions wouldn’t have been lowered and I wouldn’t have allowed Riley’s lips to touch mine for longer than a millisecond. Five seconds—even they felt quick—were five seconds too long.

“I know that, but it’s going to be hard for her to trust me again.”

“Well, you need to do something to gain her trust,” Tyler says pointedly, with a huge smile bursting from his lips, almost like he knows something that I don’t.

“And how do you reckon I should do that?” The question sounds a little skeptic, but right now I’ve never been more serious in my life. I will do anything to gain her trust again. Today is the first day that I haven’t woken with her beauty lying beside me or heard her sexy voice on my cell phone—for when I’ve had to do night shifts at the hospital—and it’s been hell. I need her beside me in order for me to function, because without her I simply cannot exist.

“The clue is surrounding you. Open your eyes,” Tyler says.

My eyes take in my surroundings; the white rows of chairs, the cream and white flowers that hang from every row, and the petals scattered along the edge of the white aisle runner, but I’m still clueless to what he means. It isn’t until fifteen minutes later when the ceremony begins that his words finally click into place.

I stand beside my brother, smiling proudly at him when the single key of a piano begins to play a classical version of ‘A Thousand Years’ by Christina Perri. I find my eyes drawn to the aisle and everything around me ceases to exist when the love of my life makes her way down the aisle, dressed in the most beautiful dress I have ever seen her in. It fits her flawlessly. It’s strapless, giving me a clear view of her shoulders, shoulders that I happen to find sexy as hell. My eyes travel lazily down her body, and my dick almost goes hard as I take in the plunging neckline that makes her cleavage look incredible. My stare continues its downward journey, noticing the way the dress clings to her curves before it flows effortlessly to the floor.

She looks beautiful, almost angelic like.

Holy fuck … she’s … wow.

“Close your mouth, dude,” I hear Tyler whisper with a snigger beside me, but I pay him no attention as I find it impossible to tear my eyes away from the beauty that is Ava, watching the way the sunshine sparkles against her dress and how the light wind ripples against the long waves of her hair. I can’t keep the dream-like smile from my face as she nears, and I’m confident that my penetrating stare and my awe-like expression is making her nervous by the way her gaze continuously keeps flickering to the ground.

“My eyes are open. I know what I have to do,” I say to my brother without breaking my gaze from Ava, but out of the corner of my eye I see the shit-eating grin break free along his face and I know he knows exactly what I’m going to do.

“Can you at least wait until my girl comes down the aisle please? So I can warn her that you’re about to crash her wedding.”

I chuckle. “Sure thing.”

My laughter falters when Ava finally steps in front of me and it takes everything in me not to reach out and touch her, to bring her in my arms and never let go. She smiles hesitantly as she briefly meets my eyes before she looks back down, letting out a shuddered breath. I hate that she’s so nervous, but it probably doesn’t help that I’m currently eye fucking her entire body. It’s hard not to when she looks as incredible as she does.

“You look beautiful, baby,” I say as she steps to the right of the minister just below the wedding arch, and I can’t miss the way her smile widens at my words as her eyes look down at the flowers she holds in her hands. The other bridesmaids walk down the aisle one by one, but I don’t pay them any attention. My eyes stay locked on my girl, unable to look away. I frown when her body suddenly locks up, and her nostrils angrily flare as the last bridesmaid approaches. With a flicker of my eyes, I see that it’s Riley who seems to be looking only in my direction. Fuck.

“Ava,” I whisper, and she looks up with what looks to be tears in her eyes. My heart bottoms out and the need to wipe those tears of hurt that begin to fall down her face consumes every fiber of my being. My need to protect her, to look after her … to make her mine is all I can think about, and I need to start by wiping those tears away, and I will the moment Mia gets her ass down this aisle.

“I love you,” I mouth to Ava, focusing solely on those deep chocolate eyes of hers, my own eyes burning into them as if I’m trying to search into her very soul, demanding the deepest part of her to listen to me. That I love her and only her, and that no other woman is ever going to get in the way of that. That she is whom I want to live, breathe and die with. She is the person I want my all with. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

Ava is my world, and I want to spend whatever time I have left on this earth with her and Lily, and any future children we might have.

Swallowing down my emotion, I force my focus to the aisle and smile proudly when I see my nephew, adorably suited and booted with a ring-bearer cushion in his hands, walking towards the alter with a toothy grin.

“Looking good, Junior,” I praise when he steps in front of me, giving him a quick high-five, which he excitedly reciprocates before he goes to stand beside Tyler. I return my attention to the aisle and watch as Mia rounds the corner with her father. I briefly glance towards my brother to see his mouth agape, his eyes trained on his wife-to-be as she begins her descent down the aisle, tears already brimming to the surface of his awe-struck eyes.

Normally I would have teased him, but since I spent the night almost on the verge of tears, struggling to cope without Ava in my arms, I’m hardly in the position to mock.

I glance back into the direction of Mia but not before stealing a peek at Ava. I stall, momentarily surprised when I find her pretty gaze on me; especially since this is the first time she’s looked at me for longer than half a second. However, the moment our eyes lock, she quickly looks away and returns her eyes to the front, without giving away a single thought, except for the flush of pink that begins to glow against her cheeks.

Mia finally approaches and even though no one can compare to Ava, I have to say Mia looks near enough as beautiful in her wedding dress that appears to be almost identical to the bridesmaid dresses, except it’s white and the train continues on for what seems like miles. Her smile is bright as her father presses a gentle kiss against her cheek before handing her over to Tyler. I find myself smiling as I watch the dumbfounded expression on my brother’s face, his eyes a mist with unshed tears as he takes in his fiancée and the beauty that glows from her. I’m so happy he’s finally found his soul mate, and I couldn’t be more honored to be experiencing this moment with him.

My heart rate picks up speed when he pulls her into him and whispers in her ear. A moment later her wide eyes fall onto me, a huge smile gradually taking over her face. She gives me an excited nod, before saying, “Well go on then. What the hell are you waiting for?” I chuckle under my breath, mouthing a quick, “Thank you,” before turning my attention back to Ava. My eyes penetrate hers with determination as I step in front of her, and I can tell by the way her eyes flicker from side to side that she’s nervous. Maybe even a little terrified as her shoulders suddenly begin to rise and fall, her breathing labored.

I take her soft hand in mine and breathe a sigh of relief when she doesn’t pull away. Thank God.

“Come here,” I say pulling her to the front of the altar.

“What are you doing?” she whispers in a panic-stricken voice, her eyes wide.

I take the flowers from her other hand and pass them to my mom on the front row. “What I should have done the moment you said yes to my proposal.” I ignore the questioning stares that I feel burning into my side from the guests and focus on the only person in the world that matters to me, taking her hands into mine.

“Ava, I’m so in love with you, and as I look at how incredibly beautiful you look right now, I know I’m the luckiest man alive … well, one of the luckiest men alive.” I wink at my brother before resuming my stance in Ava’s direction, my fingers clutching tightly against hers. “I spent a lifetime searching for something I didn’t know I was searching for, but it seems the moment you came into my life I knew I’d finally found it. I finally found the missing piece in my life. You are everything to me, and no one will ever compare, no one,” I emphasize, hoping to get it into her head that no one, including Riley, will ever have a piece of my heart. Only Ava will have that piece of me.

“Last night our entire lives were almost ruined because of one stupid moment and this morning, when I didn’t wake up to your beautiful face smiling at me, I could barely function. My life is not complete unless you’re in it. Today has given me a taste of a life without you, and I hated every minute of it because a world without you is a world not worth living in.” Her eyes glisten and a smile pulls against her lips at my familiar words, and I’m pretty certain I can hear a sigh leave the lips of every single woman here.

“I love you, baby, and my life doesn’t exist without you. I want to exist but only with you and Lily.” I pause for a brief second, taking in the beauty of her pretty eyes that sparkle as they soak in my every word. “I know we were going to wait until Lily was a little older, but I can’t wait a moment longer. Ava, will you marry me? Right here, right now?”

Her mouth drops open and her eyes nervously flitter around our surroundings. “Are you serious?”

I pull her closer until her body is flushed against mine. I love the way her heartbeat thrashes in time with mine. “I’ve never been more serious.”

“But … Lily … we can’t get married without her.”

I can’t keep the lazy smile from my lips as I hear the panic stammering from her mouth. I’ve shocked her, and I’m happy she’s finally talking to me.

“I will give you as many weddings as you want, baby, but I can’t spend another day without you being my wife, without making you mine. I want to marry you now, and give you the life that you deserve. I want to protect you, cherish you, love you, look after you until my last dying breath.” My voice trembles as the emotion of this moment slowly begins to ripple through me.

I can hear my mother sobbing from the front row as Ava nervously glances in Tyler and Mia’s direction with a questioning gaze. Tyler gives her an enthusiastic nod while Mia excitedly says, “Marry him! We can be bride BFF’s.”

Mia’s words are followed by someone sitting a few rows back shouting, “Yeah, marry him!”

Ava giggles as she turns to face me, shaking her head with astonishment as a luscious blush glows against her cheeks.

“So what do you say?” I ask, wondering when the hell she’s going to put me out of my goddamn misery, but from the laughter pouring from her pretty little mouth, I’m pretty confident I have my answer. “Will you become Mrs. Ava Bailey?”

The giggles fade away, and I look closely at the way she sucks her bottom lip into her mouth, gazing into my eyes as though she can see deep into my soul. A few moments pass before an all-beaming smile breaks free across her beautiful face. “God, I love you!” she declares before slamming her lips on mine, taking the breath right out of me as she stakes her claim on my mouth.

“Is that a yes?” I manage to whimper out in between Ava’s lips.

“Yes! A million times yes!”

I lean my forehead against hers, smiling down at her. “Do you forgive me?”

She nods eagerly. “There’s nothing to forgive.”

Those words have the smile on my face widening. “You’re amazing, did you know that?”

“Well, I do have my moments.”

“Hell yeah, you do.” I go to press another kiss along Ava’s lips when the sound of my brother coughing halts us in our movements, causing us to turn our heads in his direction.

“Um, do you think we could get married sometime today?” Tyler hollers with a shit-eating grin on his face. “You can kiss the bride when you’ve said I do.”

Laughter erupts all around us as we happily, but reluctantly pull away. I hold my hand out for Ava to take and she does without reservation. “Let’s get married then,” I say to her as we take a few steps forward until we’re standing beside Tyler and Mia.

The minister looks between the four of us with a bemused smile.

“You can marry us both at the same time, right?” I ask, hoping there isn’t a religious restriction against double weddings.

“Yes.” He gently smiles. “Your marriage, however, won’t be legally binding since you haven’t applied for a marriage license, so you won’t technically be husband and wife, but I’d certainly be happy to perform the ceremony.”

I smile down at Ava whose sweet smile is beaming up at me, before I look back to the minister. I shake my head. “I don’t need a sheet of paper to prove my marriage to Ava. Today is about declaring my love and commitment to her, and legally binding or not, she’s going to become my wife today. The marriage license can come later with our second wedding.”

The ceremony starts and Ava and I stand beside my brother and Mia, watching with warm smiles as they exchange their vows and declare their eternal love to one another. I find myself choking up when I see the overwhelming happy tears filling Tyler’s eyes, his gaze never once drifting from Mia. My brother had always played the field; never staying with one girl long enough to make a real commitment, just a bunch of one-night stands and one-week girlfriends that were strewn together since he was seventeen. He’d always tell me he was waiting for the right woman to come along; the one who would take his breath away the instant she entered a room, who would make him furiously sweat and lose the ability to speak coherently whenever she was in close proximity. The one who would love him despite every single mistake he’s ever made, yet who is able to shape him and tame him into the man that she deserves, the one who would become his game changer. Oh, and the one who could make his toes curl with the best goddamn orgasm ever—his words, not mine. And just like me, after years of waiting for the right woman to come along, he found her when he was least expecting it, causing his entire world to tilt on its axis, changing his life forever.

My heart rate increases when Tyler finally turns to me and Ava, his lips turned up into a big-ass smile; a smile that has ‘lucky bastard’ written all over it.

“Your turn, big brother.”

I let out a steady breath as I turn to face Ava and I can’t help but lose myself in her beauty, especially now as the sun shines down on her, enhancing her beauty further. I can never understand how I got so lucky to find her, but I am forever grateful that I get to spend the rest of my life with her, that she’s mine, and only mine. I’m never letting her go.

“You ready to become Mrs. Bailey, baby?” I ask with a raised eyebrow. With her right hand already encased around my left, she gently takes my other hand in hers and slips her fingers between mine, tightening her hold.

“I’ve never been more ready,” she states confidently, her face aglow with pure happiness. I can’t help the smug sensation that flows through my veins knowing that I’m the person who put that smile on her face. It’s a pretty amazing feat after such a close call yesterday.

“Good, because it’s you, me and Lily against the world,” I say before pressing my lips to hers, unable to care less that I’m not supposed to kiss her until after we’ve said our vows.

Our ceremony begins, and the moment I hear the minister ask, “Ashton Bailey, do you take Ava Jacobson to be your wedded wife?” the world around us dissolves into a mass of nothingness. All I can see is the beauty who stands in front of me as the words ‘I do’ and vows of love, honor, and til’ death do us part roll effortlessly from our lips. Until this moment nothing has ever felt so easy, and being here, marrying the love of my life, my best friend … it’s simply as easy as breathing.

A lump forms at the back of my throat as I watch the tears roll down the softness of Ava’s cheeks, all the while softly laughing. Pushing away my tears that threaten to fall, I let out a deep exhale of breath with an adorning smile and reach my hand towards the wetness on her cheeks, wiping her tears away with the pad of my thumb.

Once she’s dry of her tears, I let my hand gradually fall and caress along her bare arm, enjoying the way her skin ripples in a million tiny goose bumps under my touch before slipping my hand back into hers.

I briefly glance in the direction of the minister before resuming my gaze on Ava. “Ashton Bailey and Ava Jacobson. In so much as the two of you have agreed to live together in matrimony and have promised your love for each other by saying these vows, I now pronounce you as husband and wife.”

On hearing the words husband and wife, the missing pieces I hadn’t realized were missing in my heart have been pieced together with Ava’s, and it’s beating more steadily with a rhythm that finally feels real and whole. It has only occurred to me that before I met Ava, my heart was only half-heartedly beating, but upon meeting her it picked up speed until today I finally found my rhythm; a beautiful, transcendent beat that gives love and life a brand new meaning. Ava is now a part of me forever; she’s my other half, and as long as her heart beats along with mine, my life will be complete.

The minister addresses both Tyler and me with a smile before saying the words that couldn’t have come quick enough. “Congratulations, you may both kiss your brides.”

I don’t waste a single breath as my fingers slip through the soft strands of Ava’s hair, cradling her neck with my passionate grip before my lips slam against hers, claiming her, marking her … solidifying my love for her with my first kiss as her husband.

After losing myself in her kiss, I reluctantly pull away, resting my forehead against hers. “I love you, baby.”

Her eyes flutter closed with a heavenly smile as she brings her hands up to mine that have drifted to the sides of her face. “I love you too, husband.”

My heart comes crashing to a stop at her words, and I become mesmerized by them. “Say it again,” I demand.

She giggles. “I love you too, husband.”

Her words sound like music to my ears and I suddenly want to take her here and now, but I’m swiftly reminded of the hundreds of people witnessing our declaration of love at the sound of the minister saying his final words. “I present to you Mr. and Mrs. Bailey … and Dr. and Mrs. Bailey.”

Mrs. Bailey …

Wow, right there is what perfection sounds like … my perfection.