Текст книги "Burning Ember"

Автор книги: Darby Briar

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Текущая страница: 20 (всего у книги 33 страниц)

There are men you should love, because they’re great men, and then there are men that simply take the choice away from you.

EMBER

We pass two doors before Mav unlocks one and pulls me inside. Daylight streams in through the window across from us, shedding light on the queen-sized oak bed up against the wall, and the Berber carpet that’s seen better days. The space is half the size of his other room, and there’s a subtle citrus scent, as if it’s recently been cleaned.

“It’s not much,” he says, “but I won’t be living here, just crashing in it when I need to.”

I take in the wrinkled champagne-colored comforter. “The bedding looks new.”

He nods. “It is. The mattress too.”

We’re both staring at the bed. The air around us buzzes with awkward silence and sexual tension.

Mav clears his throat and turns fully toward me.

He’s so devastatingly handsome that it’s almost crippling, and I have to force my body not to react on the outside though inside it’s lighting up like the fourth of July.

There’s a good amount of stubble covering his jaw. The cut on his lip is nearly healed and he’s no longer sporting the bruises Dozer gave him. In fact, his cheeks are tan and sun kissed, which does incredible things for his light eyes.

His thumb brushes over my knuckles. It draws my attention to our joined hands. His big warm hand dwarfs mine. His hold is relaxed enough that if I wanted to pull away, I’d be able to, and I like that.

He steps closer. At the same time, he raises my chin. “You thought it was me with Star?”

Even the mentioning of it has my stomach curling into knots. There’s no point it denying it.

“They were going at it in your room, rather loudly, what else was I supposed to think?” I say as heat skyrockets to my cheeks.

Almost shyly, he asks, “How did that make you feel?” He tilts his head and searches for the answer in my eyes.

How did it make me feel?

Like a wrecking ball had crashed into me. Like I’d eaten raw fish and it was having a war with my stomach. Like I’d barely given myself permission to hope for something only to see it turn to smoke and ash.

I can’t say any of that though. Instead, I shake my head.

He lays his palm over my stomach. “Did it make you sick?” he asks softly. My skin heats and my abdomen muscles contract underneath his hand.

Yes . . .

I close my eyes to fight the pull of him. But it’s overwhelming. My body’s waking up from the death it just experienced, and I’m aware of every breath, his and mine.

“Doll?”

The cadence of his tone is changing. It’s almost pleading . . .

His hand moves to lay over my pounding heart. I feel him. And when I say I feel him, I mean I feel him. His touch isn’t just skin deep, it goes all the way down to every part of me, wraps around all my vital organs, and travels back up only to pierce my heart.

“What about here?” he whispers this time. And I swear I can count his heart beats through the veins in his palm.

Oh, God . . .

I can’t breathe . . .

Moisture builds behind my eyes.

“Doll?”

Slowly, I blink open my eyes.

His earnest expression kills me. “I need to know. Did you feel something here?” His eyes drop down to my mouth.

A breathy “Yes” escapes from my lips.

Oh . . . sweet heaven. Tell me that wasn’t my voice.

He slides his hand around to my nape and threads his fingers gently into my hair.

“It makes me crazy to think about you with someone else, to the point I can’t think straight. When I see you with Dozer, talkin’ to him, his hands on you, you smiling at him, my whole fuckin’ body feels like it’s going to explode.” He’s quiet for a second. Then he says, “When I saw you standin’ with him tonight, I thought you’d made your choice. I thought I’d already lost my chance.”

His amber gaze roams over my face. “Have I?”

It’s hard to stay focused with his body this close to mine, his intoxicating smell all around me, his lips a few inches away, and those eyes devouring me. Damn, those eyes.

It’s on the tip of my tongue to tell him no. But for three days, I’ve thought about this moment. I’ve thought about what I need to say to Mav before I open the door for him to come into my heart. Not that he hasn’t already—Lord knows he has—but I can’t open it any further without drawing a line about how I need to be treated going forward.

“I guess it depends.”

“On?”

“On whether or not you’re going to suddenly switch personalities on me and go back to being . . . like you were.”

His serious expression becomes more severe. “I won’t. It’s sick, but it took hurting you to snap some fuckin’ sense into me. I know now you didn’t deserve any of the shit I laid at your feet, and I swear on my life, I’m never gonna lay another hand on you.”

I place my hand on his chest and push, but he’s immoveable. He’s a rock, a leaning one that seems to be getting further and further into my space. “And I’m just supposed to believe you?”

He licks his lips and takes a deep breath. “Before, I couldn’t see past the hate riding me. Now I see what I should’ve seen that first day. You’re not her, and I have to fuckin’ change or something amazing is going to slip through my hands. If it hasn’t already.”

I try to look away but he cups my face.

“Look, I know I can’t fix this with words, Doll. It’ll take time. And even though you have every right to hate me and tell me to fuck off,”—he rubs his thumb over my jaw—“I’m beggin’ for that time. I can prove things are different. That I’m different.”

His gaze sweeps over my face. “Fuck. I was chasin’ the reaper when you walked into my office that day. I didn’t give a damn about anyone or anything, and I didn’t care if I lived another day.” He rests his forehead against mine. “But now I’m lookin’ forward to tomorrow. And not just tomorrow, but what’s gonna happen in the next ten minutes, in the next few hours, and in the next few days . . . because I hope I’ll be spendin’ that time with you.”

He closes his eyes and shakes his head. “Please, just give me some time.”

I make him sweat it out. Not because I’m wavering, my decision was already made the minute I saw him standing on the stairs. I’m making him wait for my answer because of the hell he put me through for nearly two weeks.

“I will. But . . .”

Still cupping my face, a tentative smile tugs at the corners of his mouth.

“You hurt me again and I’m gone. No third chance. No excuses. You let me go and you don’t follow me.”

The muscle in his jaw ticks twice before he says, “All right.” He sweeps my bangs away from my eyes, tilts my face up, and places a slow, soft peck on my lips. “Thank you.”

“Don’t make me regret this.”

“I won’t.” His lips caress mine. “And Doll, you control this. Every part of it. If you want me around, I’ll be there. If you need time or space . . . I’ll give it to you. It’s your call.” He strokes my cheekbone and his voice lowers. “If you wanna take it slow, we’ll take it slow. Just as long as we take this somewhere.”

In an instant, I’m hot all over. I’m in a daze of lust, but not enough that the word slow doesn’t trigger a collage of bad memories. Without thinking I mumble, “I’ve never had slow.”

He pulls back. Confusion covers his features and his smile flattens. His brow wrinkles as he studies me. Then something dawns on him and anger flashes through his eyes. “Fuck, babe. I didn’t mean sex. I meant this. Me and you movin’ forward.”

A pained expression flitters over his face. “He never gave it to you soft? Not even the first time?”

Shaking my head, I say, “Not once.”

His nostrils flare and his jaw hardens. “Motherfucker.” The grip he has on my nape tightens. “You deserved better, Doll.”

Yeah I did. I know I did. That’s why I did everything in my power to leave him.

“When we get there, Doll. It’ll be however you need it to be. Like I said, you control this.”

Images of Mav being with Star, and tying Jade down flash through my mind. “But that’s not how you like it. With Jade and . . .”

The muscles in his jaw pop at my reply. His thumb covers my lips. “That’s how I needed it then. It was just about gettin’ off. No emotions. No connection. I didn’t want them touchin’ me. I didn’t want it to last long.” Letting go of my face, he picks up my hand and lifts his shirt, placing my palm under it, against the ropy muscles of his stomach. “Everything’s different with you. I need you touchin’ me. I feel everything when you do. Time fuckin’ stops. With you, it’ll mean somethin’. Every time. No matter how little or how much of yourself you give me.”

If I haven’t already, I think I just fell for him.

Hard . . .

Chills run up my arms, over my shoulders, and down my spine. I can’t help myself as I move my hand further up his chest, feeling more of him. His eyes spark with heat, and his breathing grows ragged.

He reaches up behind him, lifts his shirt over his head, and drops it to the floor at our feet. My eyes skate over every inch of his revealed body. Like a kid in a candy shop, I can’t decide what to taste and touch. What to sample first. His tattoos or his gorgeous skin, or the dark hair that travels from his navel to the hem of his jeans.

He moves our hands up over his chest to right over his heart, which is beating rapidly under my palm.

“This doesn’t beat like this for anyone else.” He tilts his head down and meets my gaze. “Do you understand what I’m sayin’?”

Nodding slightly. “Yeah, I think so.”

“Good, because I’ve been waiting a long fuckin’ time for you to come into my life. Too long. I got fuckin’ impatient and paid the price for it. But I’m ready to be patient now, Doll.” His eyes flicker to my lips. “And I’m gonna spend a long time makin’ it up to you, erasin’ the bad memories with good ones.”

His lips land softly on mine, teasing them before he parts my mouth. When our tongues slide against one another, he growls low. He angles my head and takes my mouth more aggressively.

Any remaining bitterness dissolves, and what’s left of my fight to keep him at a distance crumbles.

Moving my hands up his chest, I appreciate the feel of him, the warm flexing muscles under my fingertips. But when I pause, he breaks our kiss to grate out, “Don’t stop.”

So I don’t. I let my hands roam over his chest and explore every ropey ab, his ribs, and every inch of skin between us. His other hand skims down my shoulder and arm. It slides around my waist. When it palms over my ass, he steps closer, bringing our bodies flush. I moan against his mouth as I get my first feel of his hard-on pressed against me.

Knowing how much I affect him sends a shot of arousal to my core. My nipples harden as they rub against the material of my bra, shirt, and his chest.

His mouth leaves mine but only to kiss the corner of my lips, and my jaw. He nips at my skin there, making me gasp as a shudder of pleasure rolls through me.

My heart is trying to escape my chest. The beat of it is pounding in my ears. The ache between my legs is building to a tormenting degree.

Mav must sense it, because his kisses venture down, closer where I need him to be. He spends only a second sucking lightly on my neck before his mouth finds my collarbone. The pressure and moisture of his lips feels amazing. So amazing that my fingers leave his chest so I can hold his head to me.

He slowly unbuttons my shirt at the back and opens it, granting him more access to my skin.

“Do you want me to stop? Am I going too fast?”

God, no. I shake my head.

“Good. Take this off.” He pulls at my shirt and helps me remove it, revealing the white strapless bra I have on underneath.

From there things escalate quickly. His mouth runs all over my chest, except for where I need him the most, almost as if he’s intent on torturing me slowly. My skin’s on fire, and I need his mouth to cool me down.

After a few moments, I can’t take it anymore. “Please,” I beg.

Mav’s eyes flicker up to my face. He stands and I think he’s going to stop, but instead he reaches around me and unsnaps my bra, never once taking his gaze from mine. The second it drops, his eyes sweep down.

We’re even now. Naked from the waist up. And he takes his time looking at me.

The delicate touch of his hand slides up my ribs, tickling my side. It rises further until his hand is cupping me and his thumb strokes my peaked nipple.

In a voice dripping with reverence, he breathes, “I imagined you bare like this. But never did my imagination do you justice.”

Then his lips are cooling my skin, and his tongue is slowly taunting me with torturous explorations, running over the top of my breast, circling my nipple twice, before sucking and drawing it into his mouth. His mouth on such a sensitive part of my body sparks the first hint of an orgasm.

My nails sink into his back and a desperate whimper, a sound I’ve never made, comes from deep inside my chest.

His hand leaves my chest and trails down my stomach. Tingles ignite everywhere he touches. When he reaches the button of my shorts, he stops.

“We don’t have to have sex. But I want to see you unravel, Doll.”

I nod and his mouth takes mine as he unbuttons my shorts and slides the zipper down. His fingers sink below my panties and slide between my legs.

His chest rumbles, and at finding me wet, he groans, “Sweet Jesus.” Then he rests his forehead against mine. Stares into my eyes. “Is this for me?”

“Yes.”

“You were wet just like this that first day too, when I touched you here, was that . . .”

“I’ve only been like this for you.”

“Fuck.”

He crashes his mouth to mine and he kisses me. This kiss is greedy and frenzied. He plunders my mouth like he did the first time. I love it. How he’s both savage and careful not to push me too far.

I gasp in pleasure as he plays with my clit. My orgasm builds with each stroke. Then his thumb takes over teasing my clit and his finger slowly slides into me. So deep. I tense but not because I don’t want him inside me. I tense because I’m so close to losing control.

He stills and draws his hand back.

I whisper, “No. Don’t stop. If feels so good.”

He thrusts gently back in, and as my pleasure builds, he goes deeper, and the slow push and pull starts to drive me mad. When he fills me with two fingers instead of one, my head falls back and I sigh, “Oh my God.”

Mav’s mouth leaves mine. “That’s it. Let go and grip me. Let me feel you.” His fingers pump harder and his tongue imprints on every inch of my mouth.

I hold onto him for dear life and pray this delicious torture never ends. Rocking into him, over and over again, I seek a climax that’s going to blow my world apart, if he’ll just give it to me.

My lust heightens his, as his kiss grows almost brutal and his chest rises heavily and falls against mine.

The spot he’s touching on every thrust has my insides coiling. I close my eyes and lose myself in the feeling. “Mav,” I say his name and nothing else, because my thoughts become jumbled inside my head. The ache he’s stirring inside me builds higher and higher still. Until like a snapped elastic band, it reaches its breaking point, snaps and sends a full-body shudder through me. A river of sensation that takes over every muscle.

Mav’s fingers don’t stop moving inside of me. He’s prolonging the orgasm, the carnal kiss, until he wrings out every bit of it from my body.

And when my knees weaken, he catches me.

His mouth feathers kisses over my jaw, my neck, and my ear. His hot breath has goosebumps spreading over my skin. “Fuck. I’ve never seen anything more fuckin’ perfect.” He grins wickedly and pecks my mouth.

Holy hell.

“I can’t wait to see it again.”

His fingers withdraw from my core. Instantly, I feel wetness pooling between my thighs. But I don’t have time to be embarrassed as Mav brings his hand up between us and slips his fingers coated with my arousal into his mouth. He hums around them, closes his eyes and sucks them clean.

When his eyes open, they’re liquid gold. “Now, I’m gonna be daydreamin’ about fuckin’ you with my tongue for the rest of the night.”

Those words send my core muscles tightening all over again. It sounds like a threat. But the idea of his mouth on me there is a delicious assault I’m sure to be thinking about for the next few hours too.

There are times in life when you see something so beautiful that it leaves an impression on your soul. Those unforgettable moments stay with us for eternity.

MAVERICK

I don’t think I’ll ever recover. That was fuck. Just fuck. I thought I knew what I was getting myself into. But I didn’t. It’ll never compare. Kissing her. Feeling her under my hands. Tasting her. Nothing else will ever come close.

What was I thinking?

This girl will ruin me. If she ever leaves me like Dana did, I won’t just be left with a black heart. Because it will be dead. Ash and dust.

I’m still reeling as I pick her up and place her on my bed. “Lie with me,” I say because I can’t tell her that I’m so fucking hard for her right now that there’s no damn way can I walk through the clubhouse. And the mere thought of any of my brothers seeing her like this, flushed cheeks, glazed eyes, and mussed hair, has my hackles rising.

She’s mine now whether she knows it or not. I’ve fallen so fuckin’ deep into her there’s no going back.

After lying down, I pull her to lie on my chest. I rub my hand over the silky smooth skin of her back. She sighs and it sends flurries of pleasure shooting through me.

“I’ve never done that before.”

My hand stills on her back, and I tilt my head to the side to look at her face. “Never done what?” Then it hits me. “Orgasmed?”

She does that little nod she always does. “With myself, yeah, but not with . . .”

“Someone else?”

She nods again. Mother of Christ. If that doesn’t send murder rushing through my veins, I don’t know what does. “Your ex was a piece of shit,” I growl.

“Yeah, I know.”

I make a mental note to coax some information out of her about this ex of hers. Then I can find the fucker, and my brothers and me can go say hello. And goodbye.

I pinch her chin and make her look up at me. “You okay? You know, with what we just did?”

She cuddles into me and brushes her nose against my chest, making my cock throb that much more. “I didn’t know it could be like that.”

Oh, fuck. This girl is gonna wreck me.

I wrap my arms around her and squeeze her to me. “I have a feeling it’s only gonna get better from here.”

“You think?”

Her teal eyes flicker up to mine. “I know it will. I’m not fuckin’ this up. You feel good right where you are. Don’t want you anywhere other than right here.”

As silence stretches around the room, I bask in the feel of her, how perfectly we fit together, almost as if she was made by someone upstairs just for me. Each second I hold her makes me achingly aware of my erection. It’s pulsing with the need to be inside her, but I have to ignore it. I can’t rush this. Not like I did the last time.

I pushed Dana into a relationship she didn’t want. Truth be told, I pushed the pregnancy on her too. I thought she wanted all of it. Me, a family, a house, a future. But I was projecting my own dreams on her, and that’s where shit went wrong. This time, I’ll pay attention to Doll’s needs and wants, not just my own.

She doesn’t realize this, but in less than an hour, she’s turned my day, my life, my world upside down, and changed the course of both of our tomorrows. She’s brightened my future and given me so much to look forward to.

A verse springs to mind and without filtering my thoughts, I quote it, “Life will be brighter than noonday, and darkness will become like morning.”

“Mmmm,” she’s says dreamily. “What is it? Its sounds like a poem?”

“It’s from the Book of Job.” I reach down and lock our fingers together. Then bring them up to my mouth. I kiss the back of her hand before resting our joined hands on my chest.

“The Book of Job?”

“From the bible. Verse eleven-seventeen.”

She raises and gives me a curious look. “You’ve read the bible?”

“Yep, I’ve lost count of how many times. Some parts more than others.” Her forehead furrows. So I go on to explain. “My stepdad was . . . one of those religious freaks you hear about and he was strict.” Her eyes widen. “My mom married him when I was ten.”

“Where was your dad?”

“He died while working on a construction site the day before I turned two.”

“Mav . . . I’m sor—”

Moving our joined hands, I place a finger over her lips. “It’s all right, Doll. I don’t even remember him. All I know about him is the stuff my mom’s told me.” I let our hands drop back to my chest. “Paul’s been my father for all intents and purposes, and besides the fact he made sure my life revolved around church and nothin’ else from the day my mom and I moved in, he was decent and more than provided for us.”

“But you sound like you’re angry with him.”

I shrug. “That’s ‘cause I am.”

She raises an eyebrow.

It’s hard talking about my parents. It’s hard voicing my frustrations when I’m so used to keeping them to myself. But maybe, by opening up to Doll, she’ll be more inclined to open up to me.

On a sigh, I say, “It was a big change for me to fall in line with his rules at first. I rebelled. We fought. My mom cried all the time. And around and around we went.” I pull our hands up and raise my fingers. She does the same. Then I slide my longer fingers through her small dainty ones.

“I could never take it when my mom cried though. So eventually, I stopped fighting. I went to church, prayed, read scriptures, and became the perfect son they both wanted me to be. But the older I got, the more I started to question things. I realized some of his beliefs didn’t sit right with me. And I began to see how much in life I was missing. Instead of causing a riff again with him and my mom, I kept my thoughts to myself. I decided to bide my time. When I turned eighteen, I’d be able to choose what kind of life I wanted to live. Maybe, finally spread my wings in college and find my own compass to judge right and wrong.

“And now, my stepdad doesn’t approve of the man I’ve become. He despises the life I’ve chosen to lead. Can’t fathom how I could live this way and be a HOC after everything he’s taught me. He believes whole-heartedly that I’m on the pathway to hell. And he’s feedin’ that same crap to my mother. Tells her, her son is lost to her now and shit like that. He’s got her so wrapped around his finger, she has to hide our relationship from him, which means I rarely get to see her or talk to her.”

“Oh, God, Mav . . .”

I shrug. “It’s fine. The HOCs are my family now.”

But as soon as I say it, my chest constricts. “Nah, you know what? It’s not fine. It might make me sound like a complete pussy to admit it, but I miss her.”

Doll squeezes my hand and tears glisten in her eyes. I haven’t thought of it until now, but shit, she probably misses her mom too. Something else we have in common. I sweep the tear sliding down her cheek and pull her tighter to me. For a long time, we just simply hold each other. I rub her back and listen to her steady breaths as they kiss my skin on each exhale.

After a few minutes, her breathing evens out, and I almost think she’s fallen asleep until she whispers, “You’re a lot more human than I thought you were, Luce.”

Smirking, I say, “I told you I’m well versed in scripture. So I’ve figured out what Luce stands for, babe.”

Her body tenses against mine.

“Luce. Short for Lucifer.”

She cautiously lifts her head and her wary gaze finds me. “Uhmmm, you don’t seem upset that I’ve been calling you the Devil this whole time.”

Trailing my fingers down her spine, I say, “Well, he is rumored to be a handsome SOB.”

She narrows her eyes. “Yeah, that’s not—”

Putting a finger over her lips, I finish, “I’m just kiddin’, Doll. I know why.”

Her gorgeous hair is tickling my chest and she’s peering up at me through those cinnamon lashes of hers. This close, I can see the streaks of blue in her irises far outweigh the green. And her skin, God, her skin makes me want to play connect the dots like a six-year-old, and taste every inch of her.

I take a mental picture of this moment. If this doesn’t work out, for any reason, I always want to remember her just like this.

“You walked into a clubhouse that must’ve looked like Hell on Earth. You did it because you were desperate and needed help. I saw that in your eyes right away. And even though I had the power to make your life a little easier, I was nothin’ but cruel.” Coldhearted and merciless.

I graze my thumb over her lip. “That’s something I’ll always regret.”

“So you’re not mad?”

I chuckle. “Nah, actually, it fits better than any name the guys ever tried to give me.”

“Why do you say that?”

I had three days and hundreds of miles to figure out why she called me Luce. Once the answer hit me, I immediately began to add up all of the similarities. So many that it was unnerving. Lucifer’s greedy and impatient. He tried to play God to get what he wanted. He was always too dark to live among saints, but not satisfied living among sinners. He still thinks he deserves his little slice of heaven though he’s an evil son of a bitch who hurts innocent people.

But I’m not quite ready to confess all of that to her just yet. No, I’m trying to win her over, not scare her off.

“Lucifer was a saint before his fall, a devil after it. When I laid my hands on you, I realized how far I’d fallen. How much I’ve let what happened with Dana change me. How dark and ruthless I’d become, compared to who I was before . . . the man my parents raised me to be.”

She silently watches me for a moment.

“Also, in Latin, Lucifer means, ‘morning star’. And I’m nothin’ if not a mornin’ person.” The only time I’ve ever been able to sleep past seven is when I go to bed drunk off my ass.

She thinks that over for a moment. “Can I ask you something?” I nod. “How did you go from college to this?”

“I fell in love with ridin’. I met Edge and Cap at a bike rally and we hit it off. For a guy who grew up as an only child, I envied how close they all were and how they had each other’s backs. They invited me to come check out the club and I did for a couple of weeks. I loved it, wanted to stay. When I left I missed the lifestyle and the friends I’d made, so I came back. Cap offered to sponsor me as a prospect. But I didn’t know if I could do what they’d ask me to do.”

“Obviously, you did.”

Letting her hand go again, I rub my hand over the top of hers. “Yeah. But Cap was a little easier on me than some of the other prospects we’ve had.”

“How long have you been here?”

The side of my mouth curves up when I think of all of the memories I have as a HOC, some of my earlier years being some of the best. “Nine years.”

“Nine years. Wow. How old are you?” She bites her lip.

“Thirty-three.” Her eyes go big and I laugh. “What, too old?” She shakes her head. After a bit, I say, “Okay. My turn.”

She eyes me speculatively. “Your turn for what?”

“To find out somethin’ I’ve been dyin’ to know about you.” Her little muscles clench and she goes still against me. “What’s your first name?”

She looks away and tries to pull her hand from my chest. I don’t let her. I know her first instinct is to retreat and hide when threatened, but she’s also strong when she needs to be. Especially, when she’s given a little push.

“Doll, I want this to work. Real fuckin’ badly. But I can’t start somethin’ with you, if I don’t know who you really are.”

She stares down at me. It takes some time, but eventually she blows out a frustrated breath. It’s barely audible, but I hear her when she says, “My name’s Ember.”

My chest inflates and holds. I search her face. Is that really her name?

Because . . . Fuck. I love it.

A slow smile builds on my face. “Ember?”

“Yeah.”

“Ember. How did you get a name like that?”

She blows out a breath and it skates over my nipples making them stand at attention. She rolls her eyes. “Ugh, my mother was a hippy. But I consider myself lucky—my sister’s name is Sundown.”

“Well, I like it. Both of them. They’re original. And yours fits you.”

She shakes her head once. “Yeah the bullies in grade school liked it too. Along with my strange clothes, red hair, and freckles.”

“Strange clothes?”

“My mom had a quirky sense of fashion. Let’s just say I wore capris before they were a thing, and I could go a hundred years without seeing a tie-dyed T-shirt again, and it would be too soon.

“Your mom. You said she took off on you and your sister.”

Her eyes flicker up to me. “You remember me telling you about that?”

“I remember everythin’ you’ve ever said.”

Expelling a breath, she says, “I thought at first that she was just maybe staying over a few days with one of her boyfriends, but then she never came back. Nobody knew where she was or where she’d gone.”

“Do you get the feelin’ somethin’ bad happened to her?”

“I worried at first that something did, but then we got a few post cards from obscure places. No return address. They wouldn’t have come from anyone but her. The last one isn’t too far from where a nudist group lives. I knew then that she was fine and missed us, but not enough to come home. I think it was her way of letting us know she was alive.”

She shakes her head and lies back down on my chest. Her fingers run down over the ridge between my abs. “You know, it’s stupid and I’m trying to break myself out of the habit, but I still look for her. When I walk down the street, in the supermarket, and I used to go past the beach and check by our favorite spot. I can’t help but look at every redhead I see, in case it’s her. I guess so I can tell her off. Tell her we’re doing fine without her.” She laughs humorlessly. “But that would be a lie now, so maybe it’s good I haven’t found her after all.”

“Not havin’ you in her life is her loss, Doll.”

I want to hate her mother because of the pain I hear in Ember’s voice right now, but at the same time, her mother must have done something right because look at her daughter. She’s beautiful and kind. She’s a little broken, but she’s holding herself together without anyone’s help.

“Will you come with me somewhere tomorrow?” I ask her.

I have a lot of shit to make up for. I’m hoping she says yes, because I really need to show her who I really am and why I was such an asshole when she first came here.

“Where?”

“Somewhere special.”

“I can but only if it’s earlier. I have to watch the kids for Bethany at six.”