Текст книги "Bite Me"
Автор книги: Cynthia Dane
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Текущая страница: 10 (всего у книги 15 страниц)
Chapter 20
KATHRYN
I stood Ian up.
When Wednesday came and the instructions were in my texts, I couldn’t do it. Don’t ask me why. Not because I don’t know why, but because I know too well why.
I can’t do it. I can’t submit to him.
It has nothing to do with him and everything to do with me. It’s not who I am. Not only do I not have a submissive personality, but I don’t have the fortitude to do something like that, even for a night. What I do to my male subs is completely different from what happens to female subs… from men.
Now, I’m not about to tell a woman who is of sound mind and body what kinks she should not engage in with men. Especially if that woman knows what she wants and understands her mind well. Lots of women get massively off on a guy dominating them. I get that. Superficially. Only superficially. Beyond that? I have no idea what they’re thinking or what goes on with them physiologically.
I don’t want to know.
Look, I know what that dinner was going to be. It would be Ian smarming all over me, trying to get me in bed. Submissively. Ever since that bet happened, I’ve been wary. He’s looking at me as a potential sub now. I’ve gone from a good fuck to a good time. If all Ian Mathers wants is sex, that’s one thing… but I know better.
He wants me to submit now. That can’t happen.
I don’t mind sharing some control. I don’t mind him getting on top of me in bed and thrusting at me like an animal. That can be… well, it sounds really hot. Yet I can’t stand the thought of him thinking of me like that. As a submissive. I won’t let Ian think of me as anything other than I am.
Who am I? Right now I’m the type of date who stands a man up, waiting until the last minute to send him a text curtly saying that I can’t make it, and then preemptively blocking his number so he can’t bother me.
I don’t feel good about it. I should at least talk to him, but right now I’m so fucked up in the head that I think it’s best to let it cool for a while. I’ll have to see him eventually anyway.
See him, yeah. For work. That’s it. We should probably stop having sex.
It’s Thursday night and I’m at The Dark Hour. Alone. I didn’t invite Eva because, one, I knew she would be busy, and two, I want to decompress on my own terms.
Usually the club isn’t too busy on weeknights, but Thursdays can be different. Lots of businesspeople take a three day weekend and start the party on Thursday night. Tonight isn’t different in that regard. Every time I look out from my VIP perch, I see more people filing in and out. The place isn’t packed, but it’s not empty. If I wanted, I could find a sub for the night.
Probably, but I don’t want to.
I’m here to have a drink and watch others. I am definitely more of a voyeur than an exhibitionist. I prefer to have my slice of paradise behind closed doors, where it’s me and my partner. I can’t say I’ve ever had the desire to have someone watch me as I come – unless that person is the one making me come.
So here I am, sitting alone in my booth with a glass of whatever and watching others have a good time. It’s a good way to unwind most nights, but my mind is plagued with thoughts.
Like the thought of Ian Mathers curling his hand around the back of my neck and whispering into my ear, “Bend over, Kathryn.”
What does that mean, anyway? That he wants to spank me? To fuck me from behind? You know, Ian, I would let you fuck me from behind anyway. Just know that you’re not holding my head in the pillow and using me as a sex toy like you Doms do sometimes. You would hear every moan leak from my lips. You would see my pupils as I look over my shoulder and into your striking hazel eyes. The closest you’d get to holding me down is climbing on top of me and pile-driving me. Ha! You think I wouldn’t let you do that if I was in the right mood?
Just don’t think of me as your sub. Think of me as the virile, stubborn woman you’re taking for five minutes.
I don’t like playing mind games in bed. This is why I like submissive men. They know what they’re going to get from me. They respect me. They make me feel like the greatest woman in the universe.
Being submissive can’t do that for me.
Nevertheless, you can probably guess what kind of people I’m watching in this club. It’s always the same. Aside from Eva and myself, there aren’t that many single Dommes who frequent this place. Most of the women are submissive, whether they’re paired or alone. Besides, it’s easier for submissive women to get access to the club. The owners are always looking for more subs for the unique tastes of we rich Doms.
Always.
Oh, reason the third Eva isn’t here tonight? Her brother and his fiancée walked through the door. Eva always makes a point of not showing up at the same time for obvious reasons. Like icky incestual-feeling reasons. Can’t say I blame her.
Especially when your brother and his fiancée are, you know, two of the most famous (infamous?) kinksters around.
If you were to ask anyone in this club who the most well-known submissive is, almost all of them would say Monica Graham, the woman who owns and operates a BDSM pleasure house in the countryside. I’ve never been, but Eva says it’s everything I’ve heard about and more. Apparently that’s where Henry and Monica met a few months ago. Caused quite the scandal, since Monica’s ex-Dom is none other than Jackson Lyle, a snot of a man whom nobody likes but everyone does business with because he’s so insanely rich that there is some debate between him and Bill Gates when it comes to wealth. It was the stir of the century when Monica and Henry had an exhibition and earned millions of dollars in one night.
I know. I was there. I may or may not have been convinced to throw a cool million in their direction because damnit, Monica Graham is a ridiculously talented sub.
And gorgeous.
They make a beautiful couple. Henry Warren is tall, blond, and always the gentleman. Monica is petite, brunette, and carries an effortless grace that begs to be examined.
So I examine her.
I don’t consider myself bisexual. There may have been some times in which I indulged and explored certain sides of my sexuality, but for the most part, women don’t give me the satisfaction that men do. (Sorry, Eva.) That doesn’t mean I don’t care to look at a beautiful woman, especially one dressed in a see-through negligee with silk underwear on beneath. Only in this club could you get away with that. And only Monica could get away with walking around as if it’s no big deal everyone’s seen her nipples and pussy before.
She’s the perfect example of a confidant sub. She knows what she wants, and she knows how to get it from a Dom. Right now she’s sitting on Henry’s lap in the main gallery, serving him and his business associates some drinks. A hostess could do it for them, but Monica is the type to get off on doing it herself. She’s the ultimate in pleasing someone like that. I’m not sure that’s the kind of sub I look for. I want to feel like a goddess, but that doesn’t mean my sub is my slave or servant.
Many men see their subs like that.
I’m back to thinking about Ian. I imagine that’s us down there, me barely clad in his lap while I say “Yes, sir,” and pour everyone enough drinks to get them fucking plastered. He’d grab my ass in front of everyone, call me a pet name, and cop a feel on my breasts. He’d want everyone in the club to know that I belonged to him.
I shiver. It’s not in pleasure.
Still, it’s interesting to watch a woman who is so comfortable in her skin, in her role that she makes it look completely natural. From a feminist perspective, I find it interesting. Monica Graham was meant for a life of servitude, sexual or otherwise. In the hands of a good Dom, she’s the happiest woman in the world. She’s also incredibly vulnerable, and I don’t like that kind of vulnerability.
Vulnerable women are easy to manipulate. To use. To hurt.
Monica is the perfect example of that as well. We’ve all heard her story around here. Not everyone gets the kind of happy ending Henry Warren provides.
I look away as he pulls her close and whispers something in her ear, making her giggle. Don’t get me wrong. I’m happy for their happiness, but I feel so uncomfortable right now that I can’t help but turn toward anyone else in the room.
Like the Andrews, hanging on each other as they enter the club and say hello to everyone they know – which is everyone.
Lana Andrews isn’t like Monica at all. She’s a switch, like her husband, and that’s almost rarer than a Domme around here.
I don’t know what they’re celebrating – probably The Grand – but they’re buying a round of drinks for a table. Lana is in Ken’s lap, draping herself like an ornament for everyone to admire. There’s a couple who likes swinging and being watched. I told you, they’re weird.
Everyone loves them because they’re always a guaranteed good time when sex is involved.
It doesn’t take long in this club for things to heat up. After only a couple of drinks, Lana has her mouth all over Ken, the two of them acting like teenagers as people cheer them on and incite them to be bawdier in their display. We all know what’s going to happen the minute the stage opens up.
Sure enough, once the pro show is over, Ken hauls his wife to the stage and announces that his flushed sub of the night is going to take one for the whole team. Glasses are in the air to toast their antics. I’m sitting here stewing in the reminder of what happened with The Grand.
I’m also too intrigued for my own good.
Another drink is on my table before I realize I’ve ordered it. Nothing hard. Just enough to relax me as I shift my concentration from “those people” to “those people.”
This isn’t the Andrews who turned my life upside down with Ian these past two weeks. These are the Andrews who forget themselves once in a while and let everyone around them partake in their sexual escapades.
The club is quiet, aside from the music playing all around us. Another hostess comes by and asks if I need anything. I shoo her away and tell her I want to be left alone until the show is over. Time for Kathryn the voyeur to go into full throttle.
Like Ken, who spanks his wife’s ass and watches her shake in his grasp. Shit, that’s hot.
They’re both hot, when I allow myself to take a good look at them through the eyes of a sexual being. A handsome couple, the Andrews have always been known for their impeccable styles and flaunting what they have to their advantage. Even though Lana’s self-satisfied laugh annoys me, I can’t deny that the way her voice trills when her husband caresses her skin and whispers into her ear is erotic. Probably because she’s not meaning to be self-satisfied right now. She’s purely at Ken’s devotion and mercy.
He slowly disrobes until his open shirt is on display for the likes of me to see. He’s not as cut as Ian, but as far as Lana’s concerned, he is a fucking Adonis. When she gets down on her knees and lets him stroke her face, I know she’s so smitten that she’ll let him do whatever he wants in front of these people. And Ken Andrews wants what a vast majority of men want at any given moment.
He wants her to blow him.
I’ve seen a ton of cocks in my day, mostly here in this club. Ken’s is nothing special – not small by any means, but not special – and yet Lana is kneeling before him, sucking him off as if the sun rises and sets on everything he possesses. She’s lost in his eyes as he gazes upon her, hair in his hands and her skirt riding up her bare ass.
I’m sure they’ve done a performance like this a ton of times. It’s not uncommon for exhibitionists to perform once a month for the thrill of it. Most of the time we get bored after seeing the same tits and cocks do the same ol’ thing. The Andrews are different, because they feed off each other’s obsessions so well. I don’t doubt that they enjoy a very healthy sex life at home and see The Dark Hour as an extension, not a cure.
Briefly I wonder if they switch equally… or if Lana is usually the submissive wife in the bedroom, begging her husband to fuck every orifice and to make her come again and again.
My nipples brush against the edge of the table. Shit, this is turning me on. These two people I can barely stand in business, and yet in private I can’t stop watching them make love, Ken Andrews pushing his wife off his cock so he can bend her over and spank her.
“Were you a bad kitten today and need to be punished?” Ken’s guttural growl fills even me with tingles. “Tell everyone what you did today.”
Lana looks like she’s humiliated, but the edge in her voice suggests that she’s getting off so hard on this. “I made a bad stock investment and lost us a few dollars…”
Wonder how much that is.
“Yes, kitten, and now you have to look over the entire portfolio again, don’t you?”
She squirms in his lap. “Please, sir, punish me.”
I’ve seen Lana grab some balls and squeeze them before. This is not that scenario. This is a Lana that makes even me wet. She’s obedient, she knows her place, and she knows that she deserves whatever her Dom gives her. If I swung that way, she’s exactly the type of woman I would want.
A cracking spank echoes in the room. Ken laughs at the gasp on his wife’s face. “You want another one? I’ll spank you until you’re so wet my hand slips.”
He goes ahead, striking her pinking flesh over and over until her eyes roll back and her face tells me that she’s living in ecstasy. By now her skirt is hiked up over her hips, her tiny thong not covering her ass and barely covering her hairless pussy. Yes, I can see those details from way up here. Yes, I’m looking.
“You need to know your place, kitten.” Such biting words. “Right here in front of these people. Now keep your mouth shut and take your punishment.”
Ken doesn’t let any of us down. I almost want a cigarette from watching him pin his wife to the floor and fuck her from behind.
Hard.
Rough.
Lana is shrieking in pain and pleasure, probably not yet wet enough to take her husband’s cock. That’s part of her punishment. He wants her to feel the stings of pain in a place that is supposed to be nothing but pleasure.
It’s crude. It’s tough. And it’s so fucking hot that I finish my drink without realizing it.
There’s something beautiful about it. The way Lana opens her eyes and looks up at him, mouth agape and face pleading for him to do it faster. It’s the kind of look that only a tight knit couple could accomplish. You don’t see it often. A woman begging for release with her demeanor like that… and to have the man realize. They’re so in tune that it fills me with bitter jealousy. I’m turned on, but I’m also wishing that I could feel something like that…
I catch myself in the middle of that thought. What am I thinking? Am I high?
“Fuck me!” Lana grips the edge of the stage, her ass rippling with every hard thrust she receives. He’s going in unprotected, and I know we all in the audience are hoping for the same outcome. We want to see him mark her, claim her with his seed in any way he deems fit.
When it comes to women who tend to be in control like Lana, there’s only one of two ways to put her in her place with a man’s orgasm. Either come on her face, or come inside her.
Ken chooses the latter.
Their groans collide as Lana starts coming first. Ken soon releases himself, his hands squeezing so tightly on her hips that she nearly swats them away. Yet he has her down, her ass pointed into the air and her legs spread so wide that she has no choice but to accept his cock. I know he’s coming because of the steady thrusts and seeing Lana’s eyes flutter shut in absolute ecstasy. That is a sub being marked – and lusting after every moment of it.
I’m both intrigued and confused. If I didn’t know Lana so well, I would assume this was her natural place in their relationship. That Ken always takes control and makes her his. Except I know them. For years they’ve been coming – and coming – here. I’ve seen Ken tied up on an ottoman while Lana whacks his ass and calls him filth. I’ve seen her edge him until he’s begging to come in front of God and country.
That’s where I get confused. I’m not a switch, so the idea of whipping one night and being whipped the next blows my mind – and not in the fun way. I don’t get it. How? How does a person flip a switch like that in their heads? Being a Dom and being a sub are such different mindsets that I’m not sure I can ever understand what happens in a switch.
Obviously two switches can make great partners. Just look at these two assholes.
Lana crumples on the stage, her husband’s hand gently caressing her spine. I can’t hear what he’s saying. Nobody can, aside from Lana, who grins and whimpers something in return.
It’s cute. It’s sweet. It’s what I always see between these long-term partners who are so in love. A part of me is jealous. I want that with somebody. The coziness. The love. The feeling so comfortable that the idea of having sex in front of the whole room isn’t even an issue.
All around the room are submissive women. I don’t see a single Domme. Either the women are hooked up with men domineering over them, or they’re stag and searching for someone to make nice with them. It’s a common night at The Dark Hour. Only before now I hadn’t really thought about these submissive women and what goes through their minds.
Because that’s supposed to be me. I stood up that date with Ian because I’m too scared to know what goes on in the head of a submissive woman.
Submissive men are easy. They’re giving up the power that society already thrusts on them. Who am I kidding? They still have that power. Even when I’m calling them boys and squeezing their balls, outside of our bedroom the world will still treat them as above me. Submitting to a man… why would I want to give up even more power?
I’ve fought so long and so hard to make people take me seriously.
And yet I can’t help but imagine that being Ian and me, his hands laying claim on me as he takes me to a higher state of consciousness that I’ve never experienced before. I’ve never been in subspace. It looks so blissful, and yet I’ve been so scared to try it for so long.
I don’t give up control. It’s too dangerous.
And yet… Ian…
Tears that I can’t control stream down my face. I don’t know why I’m crying. I don’t know why I’m looking at Ian’s name in my phone, wishing I had the courage to call him and apologize for standing him up. I wish I had the courage to explain why I’m so scared.
Perhaps I don’t have the courage because I don’t trust myself around him. The moment he puts his hands on me, I’ll want to do whatever he says, even if it goes against everything I usually want from my life.
All of this is teaching me that I’m not as strong as I’ve always thought. I feel powerless. Even without the stupid bet, I…
I’m coming undone. I need to leave.
Chapter 21
IAN
Does it feel good being stood up? No. Am I mad? A little. Am I over it? Mostly.
I’m mostly mad that I was made to feel like an ass in one of the nicest restaurants in town. At least I didn’t get the private room. Instead I had them seat us – me – in the far corner where I could stew in my indignation in peace. When a half hour passed and I hadn’t heard a peep from Kathryn about being late, I feared the worst. After one hour, I went ahead and ordered dinner, piling up on alcohol and looking around the room for familiar faces.
The night wasn’t a total bust. I saw James Merange and one of his business partners, and we had a good hour-long row about some of the latest scandals coming out of Wall Street.
And when we had a lot to drink and his partner left, we started talking about what two Doms are wont to talk about. Women. Subs. Sex.
I haven’t told anyone about Kathryn. None of it. So I didn’t tell James, but I did tell him I had been there for a date and was stood up. He was aghast, if only because men like us aren’t used to being stood up. Unless it’s a fellow rich person who doesn’t find dinners like this out of the ordinary. Men like James have always preferred dating “commoner” women because he likes to impress people. Although he’s been with Gwen forever, don’t let it fool you – she was a bartender he picked up one day. Just like that. Boom. In love with a gorgeous girl who could charm any guy out of his pants. I mean, Gwen’s blond. Don’t think I haven’t thought about it.
Since apparently I have a thing for blondes.
Beautiful, cunning blondes who remind me of Kathryn. Fuck me. I’m a basic male at the end of the day.
I haven’t heard from her, and I don’t care. She’s made her decision. Do I wish she was less rude about it? Obviously. Do I want an explanation? Kinda. I know she’s not dead or otherwise indisposed, because I would have heard about it. In fact, I heard on the grapevine that Kathryn was hanging out at The Dark Hour last night, sulking and watching the Andrews get their freak on.
Whatever.
I’m having a quiet evening at home. No work, no appointments, just me and Saoirse, who is having her seven o’clock crazies and mauling her favorite toy in the middle of the living room.
It’s the kind of night where I dim the lights, pour myself a glass of whatever, and either sit in front of the computer or the TV. Long week. Time to decompress before my appointments this weekend.
Looks like it’s me, the cat, some brandy, and a website about felines and their weirdness. Don’t judge me. I like fluffy cat videos as much as the next asshole.
Alcohol is barely in my mouth before someone buzzes my door.
Anyone who is able to go straight to my door is either on a list – like my father or Valerie – or someone who knows how to push over the doorman. Sometimes a total random will slip through, but for the most part, I can expect to recognize a friendly face when I open my door.
Suffice to say, I am not expecting to see a beautiful blonde draped across my doorway.
“Ian,” Stephanie May purrs, her tits spilling from her skimpy dress and her smile costing at least $10,000. “Long time no see. You haven’t returned my call, but I know from the news that you’re a busy, busy man.”
It’s true. Stephanie called me a few days ago to congratulate me on my win with the council. I didn’t respond, because I was still a bit embarrassed about what happened, and because I was so consumed with Kathryn that other women weren’t even a consideration.
Well, looks like Kathryn isn’t happening. Stephanie is here instead.
I move away from the door so she can enter. The door closes, and there’s Stephanie, pushing herself up against my wall in the most tantalizing way. I’m not dumb. This woman came here for one thing. I guess even me calling her the wrong name while fucking her couldn’t override the power of other things.
I know what things.
“Can I get you a drink?” I hold up my brandy. “Or should we cut to the chase?”
Stephanie approaches, her long, thin legs a treat to behold. She plucks my glass from my hand and sips it, sure to wash her tongue all over the rim. I’m suddenly reminded of the fantastic way she sucked my cock… what was it? Two? Three weeks ago? I can’t keep track of the time.
You know, this might not be a boring night after all.
“I’m sorry I haven’t been very… reachable recently.” Stephanie rubs her hand on my chest, plucking apart buttons before I have the chance to touch her at all. “Busy, you know. Been filming a movie out of state. But I’m here now.”
Her voice sounds so sweet. So approachable. So… submissive.
I guess she liked the taste she got after all. I flash my best domineering smile, my thumb wiping some liquid from the corner of her mouth.
“You’re a surprise.” I walk away, taking my now empty glass to the kitchen. Stephanie’s eyes follow me. “Didn’t think I would hear from you again after what happened.”
That rattles her a bit. “Don’t worry about it. You’re not the first man to do that.”
Women say that a lot. I’ve been saying that a lot. Damnit, Ian, what is it with you and fucking up during sex? And why does it always come back to Kathryn?
Don’t do it, man. Don’t think about her right now. Remember what happened last time? Yeah. Yeah.
“It was rude.” I approach her, my hand dusting her bangs out of her face. She really does have a superstar’s visage. Beautiful jaw line. Wide eyes. Cheekbones to die for. Her glistening browns will often get covered up with blue contacts, but right now I’m enjoying how lovely she is just as she was born. Classic beauty. Don’t think she’s had any work done – yet. And I hope it stays that way. “It’s rude for any man to do. I’m sorry that happened. Willing to give me another chance, are you?”
“About that.” She’s smiling, blushing a little. Stephanie thinks she’s playing coy, but she’s a terrible actress around me. That’s fine. I don’t want an act. I want the real thing, real reactions. That’s especially important to me in a sub. “I’ll give you another chance, but only if you do something special for me.”
“Oh?”
Her bashful smile turns into a look of sheer determination. “I want more of what you were offering me that night. I think I like it.”
“You make a beautiful, natural submissive.” I’m not lying. I’d love to see her obey my commands. Not just suck my cock and bend over for me. I want to hear her call me sir and respond to the way my hand smacks her skin.
And so much more.
“You think so?” She flutters her eyelashes at me. “I think I’d like to try it out… sir.”
Ah, there it is.
I put my hands around her cheeks and go in for the kiss. This will be easy. She walked right into my place and is practically throwing herself at me. Everything I want.
Almost.
The door buzzes again, and we’re interrupted. Stephanie implores me to not answer it, but once again, if someone made it to my door, it means it’s probably important.
I tell Stephanie to hang tight. Hopefully this will only take a minute.
No.
It will take all night.
Because it’s Kathryn Alison, looking at her feet and squaring her shoulders for a fight.
