Текст книги "Mutually Exclusive"
Автор книги: Charlotte Winston
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Текущая страница: 10 (всего у книги 17 страниц)
“Thank you for this evening,” she told Brandon when she saw him out. He was leaving early, something about a trip in the morning, but he still came to support her grandfather despite his tight timetable.
His eyes darted around the room before settling somewhere over her shoulder. “Look, Alexandra,” he started before clearing his throat to begin again. He clenched and unclenched his fists, as though trying to fortify himself. “I told myself I wouldn’t do this, but I’d love to see you again.”
“Thank you. I’m not gonna lie; if this were two months ago, I would have jumped at the chance, but I can’t. My current relationship is complicated but I am committed to making it work because he’s an amazing man. My grandmother doesn’t know about it, and I’m trying to keep it that way. So it’s not you, it’s me, because I’m unavailable.”
“Ahh.” He nodded in recognition. “The line no guy wants to hear.”
She smiled. “It’s true, and I am sorry.”
His lips tipped up at the corners, but there was no joy in his expression. “I understand. Most of the good ones are.” He kissed her cheek, light as a feather. “Don’t let him keep you hidden,” he warned her. “You’re special enough to be displayed.”
“Not his fault.”
“Somehow I knew that would be your response.”
She chuckled, kissing him on the cheek and giving him a hug. She held on an extra minute, squeezing harder before releasing him and grabbing his hand. “I’m glad I met you. And if you need anything, let me know.”
“Thanks.” He let go of her hand, smile back on his face before he walked away. She stood in the entryway, watching him leave.
“Wasn’t he delicious?” Parker asked, walking up beside her. “When are you seeing him again?”
“I’m not,” she answered, still facing forward.
“Why not?” Parker stepped in front of her, moving her hand toward Alexandra’s forehead, attempting to take her temperature. Alexandra batted it away in frustration at her current situation. One of her own making. She’d been stupid and fallen for the guy who’s capable of deception. She wanted to make it more. She couldn’t have what she wanted, so she was stuck with what she had.
“Yes. I’m going to say bye to Mom and our grandparents before I leave.”
“Okayyy,” Parker drawled. “But you don’t have to be a bitch.”
“Don’t be a bitch. Got it.” She pretended to salute her sister, moving from the doorway so she could find her grandparents, stopping short when she found a pair of cool green eyes staring straight at her. Her palms dampened, heart pumping so hard she was worried it would come out of her chest. Although, if it did come out of her chest, it would burst out and land at the feet of the guy standing fifty feet in front of her.
Roman stared at her, looking killer in his suit, and she saw his jaw clenched from where she stood motionless. He nodded every once in a while at Quinn, who stood next to him talking. His eyes were so cold, she felt the chill despite the distance. He shook his head, so subtle she almost missed it, tipping his beer bottle up in salute toward her before putting his back to her, pretending her two worlds hadn’t just come face-to-face on the night designed to honor her grandfather. The father of the man he hated.
“Alexandra.” Parker shook her, and she realized she’d ignored her sister in the brief exchange with Roman. And it had been brief, but it played over in slow motion in her head, so it felt like it lasted much longer than it did.
“Sorry.” she patted Parker’s hand where it lay on her arm. “I was distracted.”
“By what?” Parker quizzed, looking around to figure out what caused Alexandra to freeze, but Roman and Quinn were no longer in sight.
“Nothing,” Alexandra answered, brushing Parker off. “I’m going to the bathroom and then I can say my goodbyes and leave.”
“You want me to go with you?” Parker’s brow was scrunched in worry, and Alexandra moved to reassure her.
“I’m fine. I thought I saw someone I knew, but was mistaken. Besides,” she pointed where Anthony was walking toward them, “your fiancé needs you for something.” Parker let her go, and Alexandra slipped away to avoid more conversation. She needed to compose herself. Roman wasn’t supposed to be there. And how much did he see? She went to the bathroom, sitting on the couch, allowing herself a moment to calm her rapidly beating heart. Standing, she reflected on the woman in the mirror, who had no idea what the hell she was doing. She took a deep breath and left the room.
“Who’s your friend?”
Alexandra jumped back, hand on her chest, her heart pounding again for a different reason altogether. Roman walked toward her. If looks could kill, she’d be dead. Guess the couple minutes since he saw her hadn’t assuaged his anger.
“Some guy my grandmother set me up with,” she answered.
“You guys seemed pretty cozy to me. Touching, laughing, sitting together for dinner, kissing. Your family seemed to know him really well since you guys were sitting at the same table.” As Roman talked, he backed her into the wall, his hands on either side of her body, caging her in.
“I met him tonight. I swear I had no idea he would be here.” She stopped talking so she avoided sounding defensive. She’d done nothing she should be ashamed of.
Roman backed up, not out of her space but enough so she could move. “Tell me this, Alexandra; do I need to make an appointment at the doctor?” Her hand was halfway across his face before she realized what she was doing. He moved his jaw back and forth but didn’t react to the slap.
“Fuck you,” she seethed. “He was a friend who I only met tonight, and turned down because I couldn’t stop thinking about you.” Shame flashed through his eyes, but he still stayed silent.
“Alexandra, you okay?” Her grandfather’s voice rang out in the hallway, walking toward them. They jumped apart as though they’d been caught with their hands in the cookie jar. Alexandra wrapped her hands around her middle to protect herself from any more barbs Roman may throw out. “Parker said you were looking for us.”
“I was,” she answered with fake enthusiasm. “I’m on my way back.” Her grandfather came up beside her as though showing solidarity before zooming in on Roman.
“I don’t believe we’ve met.”
“Roman Valentine,” Roman answered, ever the politician, holding out his hand for her grandfather to take. He accepted it, standing taller and crossing his arms across his chest.
“Nice to meet you.”
Her grandfather pointed between the two of them, but directed his question at Alexandra. “Do you two know each other?” She stared at him, and Roman seemed to beg her to say yes, but hurt and anger formed a lump in her throat, and she couldn’t resist the petty urge to lash out. She’d been foolish to believe their relationship contained something more, especially if he was going to act jealously.
“We used to.” She refused to flinch when the flash of pain came into his eyes before he straightened his lips and nodded.
“She’s right.” He smirked at her grandfather. “We don’t know each other anymore.” Roman directed the last statement toward her, telling her grandfather goodbye, and practically running in the opposite direction.
15
Roman threw back the beer he held like it was hard liquor as he stormed out of the hallway. The walls were closing in, and he needed air and a hundred feet away from Alexandra, who’d just eviscerated any hope of pursuing any type of relationship with her. Who he found himself falling for her despite his resolve not to. And if he hadn’t been so stupid, he wouldn’t feel like he’d left a huge chunk of his heart in that hallway, stomped under her heel. He’d seen her when her grandfather gave his speech; the spotlight had focused on their table. It showed the picture-perfect family with an amazing man on her arm. Not him. She’d barely mentioned the night, other than to ask if he’d come, probably covering her bases. Any doubts he had went away when she denied him in front of her grandfather.
Roman ordered Scotch, figuring he needed something stronger since he decided to drown his sorrows in the free-flowing alcohol.
“You ready?” Quinn came up, shaking his keys.
“Like you wouldn’t believe.” Roman shook his head. “We shouldn’t have come.” His brother nodded, handing his card to the valet who stood at attention at the door.
“Are you okay? You’ve been hitting the drinks hard for the last hour.”
“I’m fine,” Roman slurred, having ditched the glass but not the buzz from all the liquor. “Just my worst nightmare come to life.” And where the hell had that statement come from?
“You wanna talk about it? Or explain the cryptic message?” Quinn asked after he poured Roman into the passenger seat.
Roman pinched the top of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. “Remember when you told me nothing good could come from seeing Marcus Kane’s daughter?”
“Yeah, I saw the shit storm coming from a mile away.”
Roman snorted. “Well, it happened.”
Roman pulled himself up to stare out the window. His mouth tilted down, eyes looking like they had bruises forming underneath, the frown lines more pronounced under the fluorescent light of the passing street light. He felt like he’d aged five years in the span of five hours. Was he so wrong about Alexandra? They’d been sleeping together for weeks, spending most nights together, and some evenings, as well. Although she never expressed a desire to move their relationship anywhere else, he had given it consideration.
They clicked sexually, more than some people did, and he had considered mentioning it on several occasions the last couple times he saw her but something always held him back. It was as though a switch was flipped when he told her about the house, and Roman couldn’t get back to what they had before. He hadn’t seen her much since she left the night she found out his obsession, but they’d texted, and he thought she was too busy to give him more than just sex. It was the excuse she’d given and he’d eaten the shit she’d served like a starving man. Guess I know what it was now.
Roman staggered up his walkway with assistance from Quinn, downing the proffered water and the Ibuprofen on the way to the bedroom. He took in the stark surroundings of his room, the king-sized bed taking up most of it, with the black furnishings making his once-sanctuary seem like a tomb. She doesn’t fit in here, he thought, dropping on the bed and settling in, ignoring what could have been.
***
Alexandra ran into the deli two days later, needing coffee more than she needed her next breath. She’d required ten layers of concealer that morning to cover up the shadows that had taken residence under her eyes, the effects of the fight Roman and she had had at the banquet. Two days and she hadn’t been able to sleep a wink, tossing and turning and wishing the sun would come up. The only bright spot of the whole situation was she’d nailed down Corey Davis’s case. The trial was in a week. She was meeting Blair for breakfast so Alexandra could talk about what happened with Roman. She debated calling her sister, but didn’t feel like going into the whole situation. Alexandra refused to consider how fucked up her situation was that she couldn’t call her sister for relationship advice. One thing at a time. One thing at a time.
“Black coffee, as requested.” Blair slid the steaming hot liquid nectar toward her. Alexandra blew on the top, wanting to guzzle the whole cup, but took a few testing sips. She welcomed the jolt of caffeine, sighing in appreciation.
“That’s a cup of coffee, not a penis, but you look like it almost made you come,” Blair deadpanned.
“Shut up.” Alexandra took another drink, finally feeling half-human. Blair rolled her eyes, signaling for the waiter to come and get their order. They ate at Westtown often, so both knew what they wanted. The waiter took their orders, leaving them alone to talk.
“So, what’s up?” Blair jumped straight to the point. Alexandra took another drink of coffee, readying herself to lay everything out. Every embarrassing detail about how she’d reacted the other night.
“Roman and I got in a fight and now it’s weird. We didn’t end it, but I got pissed and walked away the other night at the banquet.”
Blair raised her eyebrows. “Really? Last I heard, you were getting everything you wanted and needed from him. Why stop a good thing?”
Alexandra stirred her coffee, unsure how to explain the situation without giving away the fact he was currently her client. “I was worried our relationship would spill over into my personal life, and I have too much going on to worry about it. He’s kind of done some things over the last couple of days that made me question his motives. He’s been cutting into my work, and I can’t be in a relationship with someone who won’t respect my job.” Blair stayed quiet while the waiter put their food on the table, but her eyes cut to Alexandra, saying without words she didn’t believe Alexandra’s reasoning.
“Why does it always come back to work with you? You’re obsessed, and it’s unhealthy. Do you respect his work?” Blair asked as soon as the waiter left.
Alexandra cut into her pancakes, contemplating her question. “I do. I mean, is it the ideal career? No. But I respect his decision to run his club. I’d be lying if I said it would help my career, but it’s not about who I have on my arm. I’m a damn good lawyer, and no one cares who I have a relationship with as long as I win their cases. My partners may care, but after I get my promotion, it won’t matter. Which is why I wanted everything on the sly until they confirmed me in five months.”
“Why does it matter? I’m married to a lawyer and I understand the level of intensity that comes with the job, but nothing about being in a relationship with him should jeopardize your career.”
“I know. Trust me; I’ve been over this since I walked away. I overreacted, as usual, but I was worried. Other than a couple dinners meant to explain how we were friends, there was nothing. And then he blindsided me at the banquet the other night.”
Blair threw her balled-up napkin at her. “Don’t do this.”
“Hey!” Alexandra complained. “I’m not doing anything. You’re the one launching paper products like you’re five.”
“No, my wonderful, successful, clueless friend. You found something you didn’t like or agree with, and you pulled away from him. You do this all the time as a way of keeping your distance, because you have the single-minded determination to make partner and feel like if you have a serious relationship, it will diminish your chances. It gets on my nerves. Parker’s too, and I know she’s said something to you.” Alexandra kept her conversation with Parker at the banquet to herself, trying to provide herself with some defense, despite how weak.
“Maybe it was moving too fast and I couldn’t handle it, but I don’t think I set out to ruin my relationships.” She considered the guys she’d been with since law school—professional, interesting men who didn’t last for whatever reason. But breakfast on the morning before court was not the time for self-reflection, however well intentioned. One more aspect for her to consider that night while she lay awake again, but it felt like she couldn’t unring the bell. And she’d blasted that thing the other night like a half-cocked crazy bitch. She dug into the delicious meal while Blair talked, needing fuel.
“Not actively, no. But passively. All I’m saying is you’re quick to run at the slightest problem, and you’re doing it again with Roman. Don’t do this. Talk to the guy, tell him how you feel instead of getting upset and leaving, and see what he says. Have a conversation with him, and you may be surprised what you find out. Both of you have important jobs, and both those career choices should be respected. You’re not any better than him, and you can’t sit in your ivory tower and look down on a guy who actually makes more money than you because you feel other people may not agree with it. That makes you a hypocrite, especially given the amount of time you’ve spent there in the last couple months.”
Alexandra leaned forward, head in her hands. Blair pointed out the crux of her problem and what she couldn’t work out in her mind. “You think I don’t know? I’ve been through all this in my mind, and it all comes back to my fear. I’m scared to be in a relationship with him. You mentioned my past relationships, but I was only playing with them. They were nothing more than a passing fling, so I was more than happy to cut them loose when they threatened my career or any of my meticulous plans. But Roman?” She paused, taking a deep breath so she could get out the rest of her confession.
“I can’t shake him. I have worked so hard to realize my career goals, and in the short time I’ve known him, it’s like it doesn’t even matter. I want to be with him. Period. End stop. He’s this unexpected gift I didn’t know I was looking for. He’s Christmas, and Thanksgiving, and every birthday from here on out, and I can’t help but look around and wonder how a guy I hired for sex has become as important as breathing. I feel like I can’t function if I haven’t talked to him during the day, even if it’s just a text. He sends me little gifts, and he makes me feel cherished, treasured. The sex is off the charts, but I don’t know what to do about this relationship that wasn’t supposed to be anything more than a late-night rendezvous to relieve stress.”
“Wow.” Blair’s eyes misted over, but she cleared her throat and took a drink of coffee. “I had no idea you were in love with him.” Alexandra’s heart stuttered. She couldn’t be in love with him; that wasn’t allowed. Did she have feelings for him? Yes, more than she’d ever want to admit. She’d already said as much to him the other night. But loving Roman would be foolish, because he had the power to decimate her when she was least expecting it. Her heart raced every time she was with him, but there was no way it was love. Was it? The fear came first, he had the power to destroy her, but after that a resounding sense of rightness came over her she couldn’t shake.
“I’m not in love with him,” she argued, waving the waiter over for their checks. Blair had a way of calling bullshit and she’d just punched Alexandra’s ticket. Which meant Alexandra needed to pay for her breakfast and get away from this uncomfortable conversation. “I have feelings for him, but it’s not love. I’m just trying to figure this out.”
Blair snorted. “You’re in love with him; your stubborn ass just won’t admit it.” She smiled, taking the check from the waiter. “I got this. It’s not every day you figure out you’re in love with the guy you’re sleeping with.”
“I’m not in love,” Alexandra started, but Blair cut her off with a hug.
“I love you. Good luck in court.”
Alexandra escorted her to the front, hugging her one more time before they parted ways. She pulled out her phone, shooting off a text while walking to her car, mentally prepping herself for court.
***
It was easy to throw himself into work over the next week and a half. Work was what he knew, and there was more than enough to do. He’d neglected his duties when spending his nights with Alexandra, and it needed to stop. If he found himself wishing she were there, because their schedule had become so meshed she came over most nights, he ignored it. He hadn’t contacted her, but she had another week before their original agreement was up, and she owed him a house. He was more determined than ever to bulldoze the damn thing.
He needed to use his room again, to purge the lingering memories, like the scent of Alexandra’s perfume. He’d ordered the room cleaned and scrubbed down after the banquet but he still smelled her, which meant he needed a new memory.
“Roman,” Marco’s voice buzzed through the intercom.
“Yes?”
“Your girl is here. I put her in your room.” His girl? He didn’t have a girl. And no way in hell could Alexandra assume she was welcome there. She’s too smart for that.
“My girl?” he questioned, sure he heard wrong.
Marco sighed as though having to explain a difficult concept to a small child. “Alexandra came in five minutes ago. I put her in your room.”
“Why?” Roman bit out. “I told you she wasn’t allowed here.”
“We terminate her membership yet?”
Roman got up, needing to walk off some of the anger coursing throughout him. “It doesn’t matter if we terminated her yet; I told you she is not allowed in.” Roman gritted out.
“Quinn was at the door and said to let her in and put her in your room.”
“Quinn?” Roman asked, listening to Marco mumble yes. “Tell my brother I will talk to him in a minute, as soon as I kick out the stray.” He slammed the phone down, pissed off and ready to kill someone. This was supposed to be a simple evening, but at this point he had to amend it: kill Quinn kick Alexandra out. He called for Quinn, who came strolling in without a care in the world. Roman pressed his fingers together, trying to calm down, but he was too pissed to care.
“What the fuck are you doing?” It took everything he had to not punch his brother. Quinn had no right messing with his business.
Quinn raised an eyebrow. “What you wouldn’t. You’re the one who started this. You want her gone, you kick her out. Don’t hide in your office and make Marco do it.”
Roman jumped up so fast his chair slammed back. “You’ve got no right.” He was done with her, there was no reason for her to come back. His heart sped up, irritation mixed with a healthy dose of trepidation and excitement at the thought of seeing Alexandra.
“And you’ve got no balls—.” Roman moved before he could stop himself, the picture falling from the wall when he slammed Quinn against it. He seemed unaffected, pissing Roman off more.
“You wanna go? We’ve done it before, but why don’t you figure out why the hell you’re so pissed about a woman you claim to be through with.” Roman growled, pushing Quinn into the wall one more time before releasing him.
“Thank me later!” Quinn shouted as Roman stormed off, not wanting to deal with his brother. They could pound each other, but they were well matched and it’d only lead to some bruises. Besides, his true anger lie with Alexandra, which Quinn annoyingly pointed out. And she terrifies you because you’re ready to give her your heart.
He stopped at the door to his room, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath to calm himself.
Count to ten, he tried to counsel himself. 10…9… Fuck counting, this pisses me off. He slammed the door open as he came in, taken aback by the woman sitting on the bed. It was still his Alexandra, but different. Her long, brown hair was brushed to the side, and she sat with her hands clasped together in her lap, staring straight ahead.
“Why are you here?” he demanded, crowding her personal space, fear driving his anger, and staring down at her. She shook her head and he couldn’t stand it anymore, grabbing her chin and tilting her face toward him. “WHY. ARE. YOU. HERE?” he asked again, his grip tightening until she winced. He released her, stepping back and crossing his arms.
“I don’t know,” she admitted. “I told myself I wasn’t going to do this. I can’t be this girl.” She blew out a ragged breath, slicing away a piece of his heart. “But I can’t do it. You hate me, I get it. I messed it up the other night but I was so pissed. And after everything you told me about my father, I still felt unsteady so when my grandfather asked, I flipped.”
“And there’s the problem,” he growled. “You’re too ashamed to admit you still know me, let alone I’ve seen you naked. I’m not your bitch.” He held his arms out in frustration. “You think I want to be in this position? You,” he jabbed his finger in her face, ignoring his own pain when she flinched back and started crying harder, “did this. You. Not me. Was I an ass that night? Yeah, I’ll own it. You gave me no reason to doubt you, and I treated you like shit. And I should have been honest from the beginning about your father. But what you did?” He ran his hands down his face in frustration, coming to sit next to her. He turned her toward him, wanting her to see the pain in his eyes, but all he found was the same fear, anger, hurt, lust, helplessness, and sprinkling of love.
She tried to move her face to his shoulder, hiding her face, before he grabbed her shoulders and pulled her back so she looked at him. Her face was flushed, her lips turned down, as though she tried to smile but couldn’t keep up the pretense.
“You gutted me,” he said, his voice clear, making sure she understood.
She put her hand over her chest, biting her lip before forcing out her next words. “If I gutted you, I killed myself. I regretted the words as soon as they were out, but I couldn’t call you back.”
“Because of your grandfather?” he taunted.
