Текст книги "Mutually Exclusive"
Автор книги: Charlotte Winston
сообщить о нарушении
Текущая страница: 13 (всего у книги 17 страниц)
19
The question stunned Alexandra into silence. She was vaguely aware of Roman’s presence, but heard his voice break through over the shouting reporters.
“That’s enough,” Roman cut in at the invasive question. “Miss Kane’s personal life is her own. As I told you, we’ve been dating. It’s no one’s business how long our relationship has gone on, but it’s not uncommon for people to visit their significant other at their place of business. No more questions.” He grabbed her hand, navigating through the mob of media who continued to shout questions at them. She held tight while he moved her through the crowd.
Two months back, Alexandra would have freaked out, but she found herself calm as they made their way to his car. She drove separately, but there was no way she was going to her car by herself now. Someone else could pick it up. Nothing was said, there were too many cameras, but she squeezed his hand to let him know she was okay. It was none of their business how long they’d been dating—it only mattered that they were.
“Fucking vultures.” Roman shook his head. “And why are you smiling?” he asked once they were buckled in the car and ready to leave.
“I thought the same thing when they came after us when we left the courthouse. What a mess. Get me out of here, please.”
“I’m going.” He pulled out, watching so he wouldn’t hit anyone, but they refused to give them the same peace, practically crawling on the car to get pictures of them.
“How did they know I’m a member?” She lay back, closing her eyes for relief from the flashes continuing to go off.
“I don’t know.” He rubbed her arm before he reached for his phone, calling his brother to get him looking for the leak. He pulled over at a corner diner once he was satisfied the news was gone so they could talk. Roman pulled her hands to his mouth, kissing them before looking her in the eye. “I’m going to find out. Whoever the hell it was, they’re gone. I promise.”
She nodded. “I know. We’re going to get through this. It’s not their business anyway. As long as we play it off the relationship angle, they won’t have a leg to stand on. The rest is just details.”
Roman cupped her face, the love shining through causing her eyes to become suspiciously wet. It was too much, and his sweetness threatened to overwhelm her. “I know you hate being exposed and I’m sorry it happened today. I’ll fix it.” Her phone rang before she could respond, and her stomach dropped again when she saw it was Henry. He would be freaking out; he never wanted any type of bad publicity, and would consider this inexcusable.
“Yes, Henry?” she answered, prepared for the verbal reprimand she was sure to get.
“I need you in my office, five minutes ago!” She winced at the tone, but directed Roman to take her back to work. He agreed to pick her up later, kissing her before she ran inside to meet with her boss. He was pissed, sure, but this was fixable. Everything would be fine; they’d release a press release and handle the situation. The raised eyebrows and open stares as she walked through the office told her they’d heard the news, but she refused to defend herself against these people. It was none of their business what she did on her own personal time, and she was done hiding Roman. She cared about him, knew he cared about her, and anyone else could fuck off.
She entered Henry’s office when he called for her to come in, watching the news coverage of their statements outside the courthouse. The headline was pretty damning—Promising Lawyer Member of Infamous Sex Club—and had all the information they’d been able to gather since they left. There in black and white were pictures of her leaving over the last couple months, pictures the bitchy reporter promised had been leaked. And wasn’t that the cap to a shitty day?
“Alexandra.” Henry gestured to the seat in front of his desk, not moving when she sat in front of him. She always thought the ornate chair suited him, a cherry wood detailed with gold embellishments, as powerful as the man who sat in it. But at that moment, it freaked her out with the way his eyes seemed to bore into her.
“You have information you want to disclose?” He pointed at the television, now muted but the story still running.
“With all due respect, sir, I have nothing more I would like to disclose. Roman Valentine and I are involved in a relationship, which is why there are pictures of me leaving Club Valentine. Anything else is no one’s business.” Including yours wasn’t added, but the implication was there.
Henry’s face grew red, the vein in his forehead popping out. “When the girl I was going to bring in as a partner of this firm is plastered all over the news like some common…” He stopped, standing up behind his desk, but all Alexandra heard was the girl I was going to bring in as partner.
“What do you mean when you say ‘the girl I was going to bring in’?” She hadn’t gone public with their relationship to anyone but her family, hoping to keep it private until she made partner. She wasn’t afforded that opportunity, but it didn’t mean she should lose what she’d worked so hard for.
“Are you serious?” His lip curled in disgust. “You think I want you to be one of the partners of this firm? To be part of what I helped build? You’re delusional if that’s what you believe. You’ll be lucky if you have a job after all this is over. I would fire you now, but I have to confer with the other partners. I loathe negative publicity, whether it’s because we lost a case or one of our associates did something stupid. This ranks at the top. I don’t want to see you for the rest of this week. You’re suspended.”
“My cases,” she tried to reason with him.
“Will be reassigned. All except for the Valentine case; you’re keeping that one. It got you into this mess.” She stood since there was nothing else to say. Her goals, her plans, were vanishing before her eyes. She wouldn’t be the lawyer her parents expected her to be, she wouldn’t be partner, and there was no way to fulfill her father’s dream. She was all but fired; Henry was just waiting on the approval of the other two, who’d never respected her as much anyway.
“I’ll call you next week,” she informed him, but he flicked his wrist at her as though she were an irritating gnat he wanted gone. She turned around; it wasn’t the time to go head-to-head with him.
“Alexandra.” He stopped her at the door. His eyes shot pure venom when he told her. “Your father would be ashamed of you, making a mockery of your family and this profession.”
She left, focused on putting one foot in front of the other while she lay bleeding, shredded by the bullet he’d just leveled her with. Leaving, she started grabbing a couple of items from her office and regrouping before they talked again. No one was perfect, and she’d just found out how quickly everything could change. Calling Roman, she opted for a cab when his phone went to voicemail. She had a million voicemails and missed calls to sift through, but there was no way she was calling her grandmother, her mother, or Parker at the moment. She wasn’t going to stew; she was going to fix this. Her parents raised her to be hard as nails, and Blair would come over with bottles of wine and want to commiserate. She wasn’t commiserating, she was fixing.
***
Alexandra was engulfed in a hug as soon as she let Roman in the door. She breathed him in as he kissed her head and held on to her. She wanted to stay wrapped in him for days and pretend like today never happened.
He held her out from him, his hands on her arms while he studied her. “Are you okay?”
“Yes.” She nodded, but then shook her head. “I don’t know. It was horrible today.”
He led her to the couch, pulling her into his arms. “I know. This morning was one of the worst days I’ve had in a while.”
She pushed back so she could look in his eyes. “I’m sorry all that went down.”
“You think I’m mad at you?” he asked, incredulous. “I’m mad for you, not at you. You were brilliant this morning. There’s no way Gerald is getting that list, but then when we got lambasted by the press and the sneaky bitch in the back it all went to hell.”
“Who was she?” Alexandra wondered aloud, something she’d mulled over all day. She couldn’t place her, and she’d developed a bit of a relationship with the local reporters who covered the courts.
Roman rubbed his hand down her back while he explained his afternoon. “I tracked her down, which was part of the reason I didn’t get your call. It took quite a bit to hunt her down, but turns out she was hired to be there and deliver the message. White guy wearing a black ball cap, black t-shirt, and jeans who paid in cash, and she went through the script. She didn’t have the pictures, so someone else leaked them.”
Alexandra sat up, missing the warmth of his arms, but needing to have this conversation sitting up. “What is going on? There’s been a lot of odd things happening with this and my cases for the last couple of months, and it’s pissing me off.” She considered Franklin, who matched the description, but quickly dismissed him. Their dealings were over, and she’d won his case, so he had no reason to discredit her. And there was no way Corey was upset with her after she won his case the week before.
Anger flashed in his pale eyes. “What’s been going on with your cases?”
“You know I can’t tell you, but I brought work home with me. I may as well use the rest of this week to follow some leads I’ve been meaning to catch up on.”
“And why do you suddenly have free time during the week to pursue leads?” His voice was calm, which meant he was getting irritated. Roman tended to be most calm before he blew up.
“Because Henry relieved me of all my duties today. Except for your case. And told me they don’t know what will happen with my employment.”
The muscle in his jaw ticked. Roman stood, pacing in front of her several times before stopping in front of her. “You’re telling me you may lose your job because of this?”
“Pretty much. He told me he has to meet with the other partners, but it’s done.” Roman walked to the window, saying silent. She sought to reassure him when it lasted long enough to become unnerving. “Roman, its fine. I knew this was a possibility if it got out, considering how hardcore my boss is, which is why I was going to wait until I made partner before I went public with our relationship. This happened a little sooner than I hoped, but I’m not running. This is me standing up for what I want.”
He continued to stare out the window, his mouth turned down, so she went to him, the invisible string she always felt kept her tied to him pulling her closer. Her need to be near him outweighed any signals he was giving off. “You wouldn’t have to stand up for it if it wasn’t for me.” Hard eyes stared at her while his arms remained crossed over his chest. “I’m the reason you’re in this position.” He chuckled humorously. “You know, I thought you were overreacting.”
She shook her head; Roman was always so engaging, but he was as unapproachable as the stone statute that adorned her yard. He continued, “I did. You tried to tell me, warn me what could happen to you, but I kept going, without any regard for you or your feelings.”
“That’s not true.” She put her hands on his arms, hoping to move them so he’d hold her but he was still. “I’m where I wanted to be. I’ve told you that plenty of times. This is a setback, but it’s not the end. I can get a job somewhere else.”
He stepped back, shaking his head. “Not as a partner at the firm you wanted.”’
Alexandra threw her arms out in frustration. “You think I care? I don’t. If they can’t respect me and what I do on my personal time, I don’t want to work there. I’ll be fine. Besides, after the shit I’ve been hearing about my father, I’m wondering if I should even try and carry on with his legacy.”
“Don’t you get it? I don’t want you to be fine. I want you to be amazing, fantastic, and happy. You can’t have that and me in your life at the same time.” He grabbed her, but the kiss on her head felt like goodbye. “You told me and I ignored you. No more. I’m sorry.”
“Are you serious? Why does this sound like goodbye? What about all the promises you made me the other day? That you were going to love me forever, we were in this together, and we were going to build a future together?”
He grabbed her head, his kiss brutal, before he held her to him. His breath was ragged when he finally spoke. “I love you. Don’t you get it? This is killing me, but I can’t stay here if my presence is hurting you.” His lips lay on her forehead once more before he released her. The whimper came out before she could stop it. He paused at the sound, and she hoped he would realize he did nothing wrong, but he shook his head and headed for the door.
“You’re hurting me now,” she pleaded, walking toward him. That tended to happen when your body was numb, as though every emotion was suspended on a precipice, just waiting for the person who made it that way to either pull you back to safety or push you over and let your plummeting emotions take over. “I love you, and that means something to me. I didn’t tell you, scared of the feelings exploding out of me because a million scenarios ran through my head about how it couldn’t work. But when I walked in the office earlier knowing you had my back I wasn’t worried. My work no longer mattered, since we would be together, and now you’re leaving me?”
His eyes glistened while he watched her, but he swallowed them back to answer her. She lay her head on his chest when he pulled her close. “You are my forever, and I will always love you. But sometimes love isn’t enough, especially when it comes at the expense of someone else’s happiness. You’re okay with it now, but what about next week when you realize what you lost trying to assist me? I can’t let you do that. It’s better this way.” He kissed the top of her head, squeezing her harder when she started crying, before letting her go. The door slammed before she could even react.
And he was gone.
So I guess that’s it. I didn’t get pulled back to safety. She couldn’t force him to stay and was powerless to keep him from leaving her. She’d been foolish, living in a cocoon of idealism, their stolen moments enough to make her believe they were invincible. “Love conquers all” was a slogan people told children too naïve to know the truth. Love is elusive, and when you find it you better hold on tight and hope they love you back because when they don’t, it hurts like a son of a bitch.
He had been a soothing balm, and even the anniversary of her father’s death didn’t seem as heartbreaking because she had someone to shoulder the load. Alexandra locked up, turning off lights as she went, lying on her bed fully clothed. She couldn’t find the strength to get up, the numbness she’d felt earlier wearing off. All she felt was pain. Everywhere. And there was nothing she could do to stop it. She stared at the ceiling while time slowly crept by, wiping the lone tear that ran down her cheek, until she fell into an exhausted sleep as the dawn broke across the sky.
20
Roman drove around aimlessly for an hour after he left Alexandra’s before settling into the park he’d taken her to months before. He felt lost without her, but he wasn’t good enough for her. He’d gotten her into this mess by continuing to pursue her, and refused to watch her career blow up in her face because of him. She’d warned him but he’d disregarded her ramblings, believing she was being dramatic. It would kill him—and, in turn, kill her—to leave her, but it may be better in the long run.
Any love she felt for him would shrivel and die if he cost her the dream of becoming partner. Not a fast, painful breakup that ended things but left the others hurting temporarily, but a slow one. The kind where whatever feelings a person had for the other eroded over time until the only emotions remaining were anger and resentment with no chance to recoup what they once had.
Roman wasn’t sticking around, not when he was going to be the cost. Even if she was willing to give it a go, which she seemed to be, her choice was impossible. Alexandra could be with him or fulfill her father’s legacy. And she would choose him for no other reason than she believed he was the forever kind. It was, at least on his part; he’d always love her, but sometimes people who loved each other couldn’t be together.
“Never thought I’d become a statistic,” he muttered, pounding his fists on the picnic table where he sat. He needed to stop pouting and get to work. It was his decision, one of the hardest ones he’d made in his life, to tell his version of forever goodbye, but Club Valentine was his baby and needed to be taken care of right then.
He called Marco on the way to the club, telling him in no uncertain terms was Alexandra allowed in the building, regardless of what Quinn said. This was his club, and it was a dick move, but he needed to give himself some time and space to get over her. If he saw her, in the place it all started, his resolve to stay away from her would break down. They needed distance for her to see his decision was best. Marco made disgruntled noises before his agreement, but he’d told Quinn, and Quinn’s ass would be in his office demanding what happened.
“Right on cue.” He rolled his eyes when Quinn stormed into his office later on, trying to save the day. All he was missing was a cape.
“Why did you ban Alexandra?” Quinn demanded without preamble.
“We broke up.” He figured honesty was the best policy, and the quickest way to get Quinn off his back.
“What the hell? Why did you guys break up?”
Roman rubbed his head in his hands to stem the headache he felt coming. He searched for the Ibuprofen, dry-swallowing two before answering. “We decided it was best if we parted ways for the time being.”
“You mean you decided,” Quinn corrected. He put his hands shoulder width apart on Roman’s desk, getting in his face so Roman would look him in the eye. “I saw the news. Hell, we all saw the news, but there’s no way that girl broke up with you. She looked lost today, and you don’t throw off your life raft when you’re drowning. The love she felt for you was written all over her face, especially when you told them to fuck off. Don’t feed me bullshit and try to tell me Alexandra broke up with you.”
Roman’s head was pounding despite the pills he’d taken. Suffer in silence.
“There’s no way she should have to sacrifice her job to be with me, but she would, Quinn. She would give me the world if I asked, and I couldn’t. I love this girl, and her sacrifice is so damn noble it makes me equal measures proud and ashamed. She would give it up for me, and I can’t let her do that. She’s worked too hard to get where she is to throw it away on a fling.”
Quinn shook his head, looking at Roman like he’d told him the sky was shooting purple stars. “You think what you guys had was a fling? Because I’m sure she’d see it differently. Hell, I see it differently. We both know I was skeptical because of the history you didn’t divulge to her, and you’ve never entered any relationship like this. All I thought was she had to be a sorcerer to bewitch my brother to break his own cardinal rule. But then I met her, and she is gregarious, tenacious, and a perfect fit for you. I didn’t worry, even when you told her about our birth mom, figured you’d recognized something I hadn’t since she wasn’t my person. You don’t throw away your person, regardless of the circumstances.”
“Like you didn’t?” Roman sneered, the low blow a sucker punch to the brother who was only trying to help.
“Different circumstances, asshole, because my person slept with someone else. Did I fight for her? Yes, because you don’t throw something like what we had away. I wasn’t good enough for her, and she chose the douchebag she cheated on me with. Which further proves you’re an idiot, because you’re throwing away the one woman who was made for you.”
“I’m not throwing her away. I’m setting her aside for her own benefit, so she can get the partnership she wanted and keep her job.”
“Rejection is rejection, regardless of the circumstances or delivery. You rejected her, and don’t try and bullshit me with this ‘I’m setting her aside’ nonsense. You’re so damn noble, willing to sacrifice yourself for someone else’s happiness, even if it’s not what they may want.” Quinn was right; Roman protected what was his, and that extended to Alexandra. It was ingrained in him, as natural as breathing. If his presence would hurt her he would remove himself from her life. This was best, at least until the situation calmed down.
Roman was a “get it done” kind of guy, but he didn’t act without thinking. “What do you mean?”
“I mean Trina, our birth mother. You think anyone in this family is fooled by the fact you own a sex club? Don’t get me wrong, the money’s great, and I enjoy where I work, but you’ve never been obsessed with sex. You’re the kind of guy who would try a sex club, but you created this club as a kind of preconceived penance for all the people who wronged her when you weren’t there to protect her. Including Alexandra’s dad. Do you think Trina would care? She never did when we were younger. You love this club, but it wasn’t your passion. I’m not saying it’s wrong, because this is the perfect place for you. I’m just saying everybody’s problems don’t have to fall on you.”
“You don’t understand,” he defended even as the sliver of doubt crept in. “Alexandra didn’t want to be in a relationship with me. She was hesitant, and I should have let her go then. But I couldn’t. I pursued her, went after her, and made her mine. The minute she came in here, she was mine. And now she’s where she doesn’t want to be, having to defend her relationship with me to everyone in her life.”
“Look, I’m not saying it’s not hard, or there won’t be bumps in the road, but she wants to be with you. Alexandra Kane is not one who allows people to boss her around, including your dumb ass. You might want to think about that the next time you make rash decisions and kick someone to the curb so you can be a white knight. Get off your high horse and go get your girl!” he shouted over his shoulder before he slammed the door.
***
Roman walked into the courtroom the next week, pretending his girl wasn’t sitting at the defense table waiting for him. She looked impeccable, her hair tied up, black suit and red heels exuding power. She turned her head when she heard his approach, and her normally bright brown eyes looked listless. Pinching her lips, she turned her eyes back to the paperwork laid out in front of her.
And there we have it, he thought, sitting beside her. “How are you?” he asked when the silence threatened to smother him.
“Let’s think.” She chuckled. “I had my personal life splashed all over the papers, so the guy I was seeing decided to break up with me, making me look like a fool to the nation. I have to go into work today for what may be the last time, and I have to defend said guy because I can’t get out of this hearing since I’m invested in its outcome. Other than all those circumstances, I’m amazing. Do you want to continue with small talk or sit there silently until the judge gets here?”
“Alexandra,” he began, wanting to tell her something, anything, to wipe the pain from her eyes. This was his fault, but he couldn’t think of any other way to fix it.
“Save it. I don’t want to hear any bullshit you’re about to spew about how you did what was best for me, as though I’m some child who doesn’t know her own mind. You were right all along; you’re bad news, but I just barreled through like some idiot who saw the dead-end street signs and believed they could forge a new path. Let’s not pretend like you care now, when you handled me so carelessly the other day.”
The judge interrupted any response Roman had planned with his entrance. Roman’s whole life boiled down to the next fifteen minutes. The judge went through his whole process, the cases that had set a precedent that determined his decision. Roman sat on pins and needles, the wait like serving up salad to a starving man who wanted steak.
Finally, Roman thought when the judge pronounced his reasoning. “When the members of Club Valentine sign their agreement, they do so in good faith their information will be protected. In order to have access to that information, there needs to be a legitimate reason. You are asking me to violate the privacy of every member of the club, some who may have never met your wife. None of them have a stake in your divorce proceedings, and I’m inclined to believe Miss Kane when she said this is nothing more than a fishing expedition. This court is not available for your disposal to do what you want, Mr. Arrow.
“If I allow you to have the list without a valid reason, I am very aware there are serious financial implications neither you nor I can even compensate, Mr. Arrow. There are also personal implications for the people whose names are released who’ve done you no harm. I know you didn’t consider the lawsuit Mr. Valentine could bring against you for destroying his business, not to mention the people whose reputations are at stake because of your actions. So it is after careful consideration I have decided Club Valentine is not required to provide you with their membership list.”
Gerald’s hands gripped the desk in front of him as he listened to the judge’s ruling.
“I’d suggest you do what everyone else does when they suspect their spouse is cheating on them—follow her yourself or hire a private investigator.” A bang of the gavel and that was it. Roman felt weightless, as though he’d just thrust the biggest obstacle in his path out of the way, and the reason why was the woman beside him.
“Thank you.” He hugged her, planting a kiss on her forehead. She stiffened, and Roman released her. He’d lost the right to touch her without restraint when he’d left.
“You’re welcome,” she replied, but it was so formal and stilted it became awkward. She allowed him to escort her out, bypassing a blustering Gerald talking about the travesty of the justice system. It felt like déjà vu when Alexandra started talking, but this time she was discussing the merits of her case, and there were no embarrassing questions thrown in at the last minute. Roman thanked everyone for the support, reiterated Club Valentine would continue to operate with additional safety measures given the pictures released, and they were done. He followed her to her car, but she was refusing to talk to him so it made him feel like a bit of a stalker, watching the back of his silent victim’s head. They were feet apart, but could have been on opposite sides of the planet.
“Alexandra, can we talk?”
“About what?” She kept walking, continuing as though she wanted to get to her car as fast as possible.
“Us.” She stopped so abruptly he almost ran into her. He forgot this girl could turn on a dime. She crossed her arms over her chest, as though she was protecting herself from him.
“That’s interesting, since you banned me from coming in. I went to ask you to reconsider last week. To my surprise, Quinn came out and told me his idiot brother had issued the order. Were you worried I was going to disturb your precious equilibrium by coming to bother you?”
“Well.” He scratched the side of his head, since he didn’t know what to tell her. He wasn’t indecisive; he saw a goal and he got it, no questions asked. She’d fucked him up, and not in a good way, so he never felt stable, like trying to stand on a waterbed drunk. When you thought you figured out the pattern, someone changed it up and then you were flat on your ass again. He was flat on his ass with this woman.
She pushed his chest, and Roman stepped back without fighting her. “Fuck you!” She pushed over and over, until he grabbed her arms and held her to him. The sob burst out of her, and he held her tight as the gut-wrenching sobs overtook her body. He rubbed her back while she soaked him with her tears, as though her pain was leaving the harder she cried. It hurt him to see her so upset, whispering his apology and his love, hoping it penetrated, but it also strengthened his resolve. If she was this upset with seeing him then he’d made the right choice. There was no way he would contribute to someone he loved hurting, and he was destroying her by being near. He continued to hold her while her sobs quieted to whimpers, refusing to let her handle this on her own. This time.
“Let…me…go.” She hiccupped through some of the last of her sobs.
“Alexandra.”
“No.” She pushed back from him as though he were a serpent ready to strike, wiping the tears still making their way down her face. “I’m sorry for making a mess on you. It’s been a rough week, I’ll admit, but we’re at an impasse. You can’t give me what I want, and I refuse to settle for a man who won’t give me what I need.”
“I’m not the one who spent the last couple months running,” he retorted.
“I was scared! Do you know what it’s like to have your world ripped out when you’ve barely started living? Because I do. It makes you fearful, and shortsighted in your determination to do what needs to be done. You control what you can, and it’s what I did. I controlled law because it’s what I knew, what was familiar to me. My dad used to talk about the law for hours, and it was a way to honor his legacy.
“You know what else it makes you? Scared of relationships, because one day someone who’s so full of life and young, with so much left to live for, can be taken from you. You cherish who you still have and become protective of the circle you created, because if you let the wrong person in, they can disappear, too. I was trying to get over that, and it was hard but I was doing it. I figured you were worth it, and I would rather have you and lose you than to have never had you at all. To have you then watch you walk away, as though it were nothing, killed me last week. Yes, I needed time to get used to being part of a couple, but I’m not running scared. You are.”
“I’m protecting you,” he insisted.
“You stand here in your gilded cage and act like I asked you to break up with me. You’re not protecting me; you’re protecting yourself from something else. Do me a favor. Don’t follow me when I leave. I can’t take it; this week was hard enough. You pretended you knew what’s best for me without having a conversation about my needs. There’s only one thing left to be settled. I planned on mailing it to you, but since you’re here…” She trailed off, reaching into her purse and pulling out the nondescript white envelope. She slapped him in the chest with it, and he had to act fast to stop it from falling. He felt the weight of the keys in there.
