Текст книги "Disgraced"

Автор книги: Annabel Chant

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    Twelve

Her

I could tell right away that Liv’s day hadn’t gone well. From the moment she walked into the kitchen, it was as if a dense, black cloud hung around her.

‘Well?’ she said. ‘How was it?’

‘It was…fine,’ I said. ‘If you like sitting like a statue for hours on end. I don’t know how real models do it.’

‘Well, you’re a real model now.’ She sat down heavily at the table and put her head in her hands. ‘Don’t sell yourself short.’

‘Don’t be daft.’ I was chopping onions, blinking hard against the stinging of my eyes, and took the chance for a break and put the kettle on. ‘How was work?’

Liv groaned.

‘Oh.’ I felt a pang of guilt. ‘That good? Sorry, Liv.’

‘It’s not your fault.’ She gave an expressive sigh and slumped her head on the table. ‘You couldn’t pass up an opportunity like that. It’s just Max.’

‘I take it he was his lovable, cuddly self?’

‘I may have to kill him.’ She sat bolt upright. ‘D’you think it’s actually illegal, if they’re a total bastard?’

‘I wouldn’t have thought so. You should try it and see. Take one for the team.’

‘Quite literally,’ she said. ‘If it works, Gav’ll be next on my hit list.’

‘Oh dear.’ The kettle was beginning to screech, so I took it off the stove and starting making the tea. ‘Still with Celeste, is he?’

‘She sent me a photo of them, out for a romantic stroll this morning on the Embankment.’

I didn’t reply. My thoughts had gone immediately to the night I’d been there, Nathaniel standing behind me, looking out over the river.

‘Of course, it helps that neither of them actually work,’ she continued. ‘Some of us had our noses to the grindstone at the time, being trampled over by Mad Max.’

‘Oh, Liv.’ I brought the tea over to the table. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘How many rounds of corrections does he get you to do, exactly?’ She took a moody sip of her tea. ‘I counted seven at least.’

‘He is a stickler for perfection,’ I said, sitting down.

‘That’s just because he’s perfect. We lesser mortals can only dream.’ She flashed me a sudden grin. ‘God, I adore him but he’s such a twat.’

I laughed. ‘He is.’

‘I see your Filth Monger’s out, by the way.’

‘Yes.’ I drank a mouthful of tea. ‘I heard.’

‘Has he been in touch?’

I shook my head. I’d walked round to the shops when I’d got in and bought the evening paper. He’d been released that morning, but I’d heard nothing from him. I didn’t know what to make of it.

‘Typical man.’ Liv delivered her verdict with venom. ‘You’d think he’d at least call you to explain.’

Since this was exactly what I’d been thinking ever since I’d heard he’d been released, I could hardly argue. ‘I know,’ I said. ‘I obviously don’t matter to him.’

‘Well, sweetie.’ She stood up. ‘You matter to me. Come on – leave those onions. Let’s go out for dinner.’

Thirteen

Him

By the time they’d stabilised Felicity enough to transport her, Stephens had arrived. I’d rung him straight after making the call to Giles. That’d been, without doubt, the hardest call I’d ever had to make, and for so many reasons.

He’d given his usual tight-lipped response. He hated talking on the phone. He was an MP, so he probably had good reason. I’d at least been able to report that the paramedics had detected a faint heartbeat. I didn’t mention they’d commended me on my use of CPR.

‘I’ll be there directly,’ was his only response. He hadn’t asked if I knew why she’d done it, or even what I was doing there, but I knew it was coming.

He’d rung off, leaving me standing on the pavement looking at my phone. I was probably in shock. I know I couldn’t stop shivering, and the events since my arrival kept playing over in my mind.

‘You’re quite the hero,’ one of the paramedics had said as they carried her out of the flat. ‘Without you, she’d most likely have succumbed.’

Never had words stung me so hard. A hero? If it hadn’t been for me, she’d never have been in this scenario. If it wasn’t for my crusade, Giles would never have contacted me – and if he hadn’t, I’d never have allowed the tape to be lifted from under my very nose. I was just a giant bag of fuck-ups, and everything that’d gone wrong was my fault. I had no doubt that, somewhere along the line, it’d been my fault Charlotte had gone and got herself killed. I’d already killed Aimee, but my penance for that act of betrayal had just led to more of the same.

I had to answer more police questions before Stephens drove me to the hospital, but this time I did it numbly, with little regard for what I was saying. I was just too devastated. I didn’t care if they found out about the tape. I didn’t care if they traced it all back to me. It was what I deserved. I got into the car behind Stephens, my heart feeling like it been wrung out and left to dry.

I spent what felt like hours waiting in the corridor for news. When it came, it was better than expected. Her heart rate was up, and she’d been treated, as far as was possible, for the overdose. The cuts to her wrists were only superficial, but she was in a coma and they couldn’t predict the outcome.

I was finally allowed in to see her, which was more than I’d expected. Giles wasn’t in there – only an orderly, making up the bed next to the one in which Felicity lay, still and silent against the surgical whiteness all around her. She had a drip going into her hand and a pale green blanket draped over her. As I stood looking at her, I could see it moving up and down almost imperceptibly with each shallow breath.

Her notes were in the holder at the foot of the bed, and I picked them up, scanning them idly in an attempt to take my mind of the circumstances I found myself in. It wasn’t until I turned the page that I hit upon something that made me exclaim aloud.

‘For fuck’s sake, Giles,’ I said, louder than I’d intended to.

The orderly looked over at me with a frown, and I slipped the notes back into their holder and sat down in the chair next to the bed, my head tipped back over the top as I stared at the ceiling, wondering why people couldn’t just be honest.

When he came in, his expression was unreadable. ‘I’ve been talking to the police,’ he said. ‘And they seem to think this has something to do with you.’

‘It’s why I was there, Giles,’ I stood up, and turned to look at Felicity.

‘I might have known,’ he said. ‘I should never have come to you, in the first place.’

‘You’re damned right,’ I said, angry now. ‘You shouldn’t have. Because there were certain things you omitted to tell me, weren’t there, Giles?’

He looked faintly surprised. I knew by this I’d hit a major nerve – Giles didn’t usually betray emotion. ‘Such as?’ He gave a slight shrug. ‘I gave you the pertinent details.’

‘Oh, did you really?’ I hissed, coming up close to him. ‘And you didn’t think the fact she was bipolar had any relevance? Or that she’d tried to kill herself twice before?’

It all made sense now. The faraway, absent look in her eyes in the group shots from Uni, the bubbling over-confidence from the night in the car park. I’d noticed at the time that she seemed unusually effervescent, but I’d put it down to girlish enthusiasm, coupled with excitement at accomplishing her fantasy. The fact that she’d jumped into the situation wholesale, without even a shred of nerves should’ve rung alarm bells, but the location of the whole incident – in a public car park, rather than the assured safety of the Castle – had meant I had other things on my mind.

‘I was trying to save her from herself,’ he began. ‘I…’

At that moment, someone entered the room. I turned to look, and gave a deep sigh. It was DI Brown – my proverbial bad penny. I wasn’t even surprised by now, just deeply weary.

‘Greetings, Mr Fforbes.’ She sauntered towards me, a quizzical expression on her face. ‘Fancy meeting you here. When I was notified that you’d called this in, I couldn’t help but stop by and say hello.’

I didn’t answer, which seemed to please her, and she came up close to me, for the second time that day.

‘So tell me,’ she murmured, casting a look around the ward as she did so. ‘Why is it that, whenever there’s a dead or dying girl in any part of London, up pops your cheeky little face? I’m getting heartily sick of it.’

‘Not as much as I am,’ I said, with feeling. ‘And, if you’d let me make a phone call earlier, this might never have happened.’

‘You do, indeed, hold yourself in high regard, Mr Filth Monger,’ she said, frostily. ‘If only us mere mortals could be so sure of ourselves.’

I turned from her, and looked again at Felicity. ‘That…’ I gestured to her. ‘…is what you should be worrying about. That’s the end result of Rick Palmer stealing from me.’

‘This was his doing?’

‘Yes,’ I said. ‘He was blackmailing her.’

‘More blackmail?’ She gave a sharp laugh. ‘You’re just a walking conspiracy theory, aren’t you Mr Fforbes?’

I shrugged. ‘Have it your way.’

‘It’s convenient, though, isn’t it?’ She did the eyebrow-thing. It was really beginning to grate on me. ‘To blame it on someone who’s already in custody.’

‘It’s not convenient,’ I said, with a shrug. ‘It’s connected.’

‘All right, then.’ She paced up and down, her hands behind her back. ‘Humour me. What was he using to blackmail her?’

I hadn’t even realised Giles was listening. At that moment, he cut into the conversation. ‘I think that’s a conversation for another time,’ he said, pinning her with one of his eagle stares. ‘When she wakes up, I’m sure she’ll be able to tell us herself.’

‘Well, then.’ She looked from Giles, then back to me, her eyes narrowed. ‘We’ll just have to hope she wakes up, won’t we?’

For a moment, I thought Giles was going to hit her. He stepped towards her, fury all over his face. Then he seemed to change his mind. He turned back to look at Felicity, then fixed DI Brown with a look. ‘Can’t you see we’ve other things on our minds?’

‘Oh, yes,’ she said, unpleasantly. ‘I’d forgotten…the rules don’t apply to you lot, do they?’

‘Nor to you, it would seem.’ Giles’s voice was steady again, but I could sense the rage burning just under his skin. ‘My daughter’s in a coma, in case you were unaware. I believe it’s usual to display a modicum of respect in the circumstances.’

She went to speak, but he swept on. ‘Instead, you come in here making crass remarks and harassing my friend who – by the paramedics’ own admission – saved her life. Are you actually accusing him of anything?’

She didn’t speak for a moment, then took a deep breath. ‘I’m merely making an observation. I’d be highly surprised to find that this didn’t all lead back to…’ She cast a disparaging look in my direction. ‘…our mutual friend here.’

‘Well.’ Giles said nastily. ‘We won’t be pressing charges, anyway, so you’re out of luck.’

‘I know who you are,’ she said, sounding less certain of herself. ‘Don’t think I don’t.’

‘Good,’ he said, in a horrible imitation of affability. ‘Then I won’t need to introduce myself in the morning.’

Her eyes widened at this and she looked away. I could tell she was envisioning her job slipping through her fingers like dust, and I almost felt sorry for her. I knew Giles could make it happen and so, evidently, did she.

At that point, a nurse came in. ‘There’s too many people,’ he said. ‘Two to a bed, please.’

‘I was just going.’ DI Brown nodded briefly at us, turned on her heel and went out through the swing doors.

The nurse spent a few minutes at the bed, assessing Felicity’s vital signs and making her comfortable, before leaving with a warning to keep the noise down. Giles had spent the time standing by the bed, his head bowed as if in deep contemplation.

As soon as the nurse had gone, he turned to me. ‘This Rick – he’s definitely in custody?’

I nodded.

‘Good.’ He sat down in the chair next to the bed.

I waited for him to say something else, but he didn’t speak again for a while. When he did, it was to tell me what I already knew. ‘You’re a fucking idiot, Nathaniel.’

‘I know.’

‘But we’re both at fault. You should’ve come to me as soon as that tape went missing.’

‘I wanted to sort it myself,’ I said. I think I was trying to justify it to myself, as much as to him. ‘The tape, I mean. I didn’t know about this…’ I indicated Felicity. ‘…until this afternoon. I was going to sort it.’

‘Do you have it?’ His tone was terse. ‘The tape?’

I took it out of my pocket and held it out to him. He took it, holding it between finger and thumb and regarding it as if were human excrement at the very least. He tucked it inside his jacket, and gave a sigh.

‘I’m so sorry, Giles.’ I felt tired suddenly, and bleak, as if the world had shifted into greyscale.

‘It’s sorted,’ he said. ‘This little girl’s a fighter, you mark my words, and the rest is already done.’

I didn’t think to wonder what he meant. I was too busy hoping he was right about Felicity. I patted him on the shoulder, took one final look at his daughter lying there, so guileless and vulnerable in the unreachable slumber of coma, then left him to his grief.

    Fourteen

Her

I should have known it wouldn’t end with just a meal. We’d gone Thai; a tiny but traditional restaurant with the ubiquitous fake lotus blooms hanging all around, and the food had been good – what little I’d tasted of it. I just couldn’t face eating – it’d been a hell of a day, and my stomach felt twisted up in knots.

I’d barely managed more than a few nibbles of green curry, before I’d pushed it away from me. Even the scent of the jasmine rice hadn’t been enough to tempt me further. I was too heartsick at the thought of Nathaniel, out there in the city somewhere, not sparing even the few moments it would’ve taken him to text me.

Liv hadn’t eaten much, either, but she’d more than made up for it in the wine she’d drunk. She sat back for a moment, watching me, before sighing. ‘Forget him,’ she said. ‘You were right all along, Grace. I just didn’t see it. Men are only good for one thing, and that’s to be used. It’s what they do to us, after all. Not one of them’s to be trusted.’

I didn’t say anything. I didn’t remember saying men were only to be used. I wanted to protest – to say that Nathaniel was different – but how could I? His silence said more than his words ever had.

‘Let’s hit some bars,’ she continued. ‘Have some fun on our own terms.’

The thought of another night out, especially after the night before, made my shoulders sag. I’d barely recovered from my hangover. But the thought of going home to the empty house; of trying to fill the void in my heart with crap TV – was even worse. I nodded briefly and Liv called for the bill.

The bar she chose was a few minutes down the road. A wine bar, it was full of well-groomed, suited types fresh from the Tube. As we walked in, a group of guys – who looked to be office workers – turned round to look at us…at me.

‘Jesus Christ,’ I heard one of them say. ‘Isn’t that Grace Anderton?’

I didn’t catch the rest of what was said, because Liv was already hot-footing it to the bar. I threw them a smile as I passed, feeling horribly self-conscious, and they called out to me to come over. I smiled again like an idiot and shook my head but, as I went to carry on walking, Liv stopped and nudged me. ‘Go over there,’ she hissed urgently, smiling over at them. ‘Go on.’

I hesitated, wanting to turn and head on to the bar, but she gave me a short, sharp push between the shoulder blades, and I had to carry on in their direction, or risk falling over.

‘You cow,’ I hissed back, as she followed me over to them, looking as cool as I felt stupid.

‘Hey guys,’ she said, one arm now around my waist. ‘Hard day at the office? Tell me about it.’

She launched straight into a diatribe about Max and how her life would be a lot easier if he’d just walk under a bus and, within seconds, we were swallowed up into the group, as if we’d been with them the entire evening.

‘Drinks for the ladies,’ said one of them, who’d introduced himself as Steve.

‘Wine,’ said Liv, dramatically. ‘I need it.’

They all laughed and, a few minutes later, we were both furnished with over-large glasses of slightly amber-looking white wine. I took a sip of mine, while Liv tipped her head back and drained it in one.

‘Liv!’ I said. ‘Maybe you should…’

Steve interrupted. ‘More wine!’ he yelled to the barman.

‘No,’ said Liv, slamming her glass down on the bar. ‘Not here. Let’s go somewhere else.’

The rest of the group – there were six guys in all – cheered, and we all headed out to the street. Steve had his arm around Liv by this time, and I didn’t hear what they were saying but, after a short wait on the pavement, I was bundled into a taxi and we headed off into the London evening, the low sun already dipping behind the buildings and plunging the city streets into an early dusk.

The rest of them were chatting and laughing, Liv serenading them from time to time with short bursts of her favourite songs. I just stared out the window, the sun blinding me from time to time as it came into view from behind the cityscape.

I didn’t twig where we were going until we passed the Angel.

‘Not Jackaroo’s, Liv,’ I said, as realisation dawned. ‘Please, no.’

‘They’ll love it.’ She brushed off my protest with a flourish. ‘You’ll love it, guys.’

I didn’t say anything else until we were getting out the cab. ‘I want to go home.’ It sounded lame, even to me.

‘No you don’t,’ she murmured in my ear. ‘Men are to be used, remember? This is our night. Enjoy it.’

I followed her into Jackaroo’s, wishing she was right but knowing, in my heart, it was all a horrible mistake.

It was barely less packed inside than it’d been on the Thursday. For some reason, I’d expected it to be less so, but backpackers didn’t live for the weekends. Every night was a Saturday night to them.

Steve and the others were clearly less comfortable here than they’d been at the wine bar. They stood there, looking around them and practically shuffling on the spot. To be fair, they did stick out against the lumberjack shirts and tees that were more or less the required uniform of the place. I felt for them. I was feeling pretty much the same, and I’d been there a few times before. They got drinks upstairs, before Liv led the way down into the depths of the main bar. I followed behind them all, wondering why the hell she’d been so set on coming here again.

Once downstairs, it didn’t take too long to figure it out. Gav was on stage, Celeste standing at his side, and I couldn’t help myself. ‘Christ, Liv,’ I said, aloud. They were looking at his guitar, as he fiddled with a string or something. ‘What the hell?’

‘What’s the matter, Grace?’ said one of the guys – Mark I think his name was – at my exclamation.

‘It…doesn’t matter.’ I took a bottle of beer from him, and took a sip. It was hot downstairs, already, and more people were filtering down from upstairs all the time.

‘You want to go outside?’ He took my arm.

‘No.’ I pulled away from him and made my way over to Liv.

She was talking to Steve, his arm leaning on the pillar above her. I looked away for a moment, the memory of being pinned to that same pillar strong in my mind. I steeled myself and went up to her.

‘What are you playing at, Liv?’ I murmured in her ear.

‘What?’ She looked at me, affronted. ‘Nothing. I don’t know what…’

‘If this is all about Gav…’ I glanced up at the stage. Gav was facing Celeste now, talking intently and running his hand down her cheek. She was looking up at him, her eyes wide in what looked like fear. ‘Look, just forget him, Liv.’

‘Gav?’ she said, taking a swig of beer. ‘Who’s Gav? See? I’ve forgotten him already. Tonight’s all about Steve. Well…’ She looked up at him with a naughty smile. ‘…and his friends, of course.’

He smiled back at her, and bent his head down to nibble at her neck. The rest of the guys were milling around us, still looking around the bar awkwardly, and occasionally kicking at the sawdust with their polished, black shoes.

‘Come on, guys,’ called Liv, encouragingly, to them. ‘Don’t be shy. Let’s have some fun. Cheers!’

She held her bottle up to them, and they came closer to crack theirs against hers. She held it out to me, and I reluctantly followed suit. One of the guys tipped his bottle drunkenly as he struck mine, and the beer tipped out of it and down my arm. I held it away from me, shaking the drops off it, but it was soaked.

‘I’m going to the Ladies,’ I said to Liv. ‘Try to behave yourself till I get back.’