Текст книги "After We Fell"

Автор книги: Anna Todd

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chapter

twenty-one

TESSA

I shake his arm again, roughly this time. “Hardin! You have to get up—now. We’re going to be late.”

I’m already dressed and ready, our bags have already been placed in the car, and I’ve given him as much time to sleep as possible. Heck, last night I even did all the packing, not that he would’ve done a very good job of it anyway.

“Not . . . going,” he groans.

“Please get up!” I whine and tug at his arm. God, I wish he was a morning person like me.

He covers his face with the pillow, and I grab it and toss it onto the floor. “No, go away.”

I decide to take a different approach and bring my hand to the front of his boxers. He fell asleep in his jeans last night, and I had a hell of a time tugging them down his legs without waking him. But now he’s been left vulnerable, and manipulable.

My fingernails gently graze the inked skin just above the waistband . . . He doesn’t budge.

I dip my hand fully into his boxers, and he opens his eyes. “Good morning,” he says with a lusty smile.

I remove my hand and stand up. “Get up.”

He yawns dramatically and looks down at his boxers and says, “Looks like I . . . already . . . am.” When he doesn’t look back up, I see he’s pretending to be asleep again, and soon he starts making loud cartoon snoring noises. It’s inconvenient, but adorable and playful; I hope he remains this way for the rest of the week—really, I’ll settle for the rest of the day.

I reach into his boxers again, and when his eyes pop open to look at me like an eager puppy, I say, “Uh-uh,” and pull my hand back out.

“Not fair,” he whines.

But he does get up, pulling yesterday’s jeans back on. He walks over to the dresser and grabs a black shirt, looks at me, then puts it back and pulls out a white one. He runs his fingers through his hair, making it stand straight up before pushing it back down.

“Do I have time to brush my teeth?” His tone is sarcastic, and his voice is raspy from sleep.

“Yes, hurry up. Brush your teeth so we can go,” I instruct and do a quick walk-through of the apartment to make sure everything is in order.

Minutes later, Hardin joins me in the living room, and we finally leave.

KEN, KAREN, AND LANDON are waiting for us in the driveway when we arrive.

I roll down the window. “Sorry we’re a few minutes late,” I apologize as we pull up next to where they stand.

“It’s okay! We figured we’d all ride together since it’s quite a drive,” Karen says with a smile.

“Fuck, no,” Hardin whispers next to me.

“Come on.” She gestures to the black SUV filling the other half of the driveway. “Ken bought me this for my birthday, and we never use it.”

“No; hell, no,” Hardin says a little louder.

“It’ll be fine,” I say quietly, to him.

“Tessa . . .” he begins.

“Hardin, please don’t make this difficult, please,” I beg. Maybe, just maybe, I blink my eyes seductively, hoping that will work.

After looking at me for a moment, his eyes finally soften. “Fine. Fuck, you’re lucky I love you.”

I squeeze his hand. “Thank you.” Then I turn back to Karen. “Okay,” I say with a smile and turn off my car.

Hardin puts our bags into the back of Karen’s SUV, scowling the whole time.

“This is going to be fun!” Landon laughs as I climb into the car.

Hardin sits next to me in the back row after making a comment about not having to sit next to Landon. As Ken pulls onto the street, Karen turns on the radio and begins to sing along softly.

“This is some shit straight from a corny comedy,” Hardin says and puts his hand over mine before pulling them both to his lap.

chapter

twenty-two

TESSA

Wisconsin!” Karen says loudly, clapping her hands together, then pointing at a passing truck.

I can’t help but laugh at Hardin’s horrified expression. “Oh my fucking God,” he huffs, laying his head back on the seat.

“Would you stop? She’s having fun,” I scold him.

“Texas!” Landon calls out.

“Just open the door, and I’ll jump out here,” Hardin adds.

“So dramatic,” I tease and look over at him. “So she plays the license-plate game? I’d think you could relate—you and your friends seem awful fond of silly games, too, like Truth or Dare.”

Before Hardin can say something smart back, Karen exclaims, “We’re so excited for you two to see the boat and the cabin!”

I look over at her. “Cabin?” I ask.

“Yeah, we have a small cabin on the water there. I think you’ll like it, Tessa,” she says.

I’m so relieved to find that I won’t have to sleep on the boat, like I’d assumed.

“I’m hoping the sun stays out—this weather is nice for February. It’s even better in the summer. Maybe we can all come back?” Ken asks, looking in the rearview mirror.

“Yeah,” Landon and I answer in unison.

Hardin rolls his eyes. Apparently he’s going to stick to his pouty, childlike persona for the remainder of the drive.

“Do you have everything ready for Seattle, Tessa?” Ken asks. “I spoke with Christian yesterday, and he’s really looking forward to you coming.”

I feel Hardin’s eyes on me, but I’m not going to let that stop me. “I plan to start packing when we get back, but I’ve already enrolled in my classes at the new campus,” I tell him.

“That campus is nothing compared to mine,” Ken teases, and Karen laughs. “No, it really is a nice campus. If you have any trouble, let me know.”

I smile, happy to have him on my side. “Thank you, I will.”

“Come to think of it,” he goes on, “we’re getting a new professor from the Seattle campus next week. He’s replacing one of our religion professors.”

“Oh, which one?” Landon asks, looking at me with a raised brow.

“Soto, the young one.” Ken looks in the rearview mirror again. “He’s your professor right now, isn’t he?”

“Yeah, he is,” Landon answers.

“I don’t remember where he’s going, but I think he’s transferring out,” Ken says.

“Good thing,” Landon remarks under his breath, but I catch it and smile at him. Neither one of us really likes Professor Soto’s style and lack of academic rigor. Though I did enjoy the journaling he had us do.

Karen’s voice is soft, and it slides between my thoughts. “Do the two of you have a place already?”

“No. I had an apartment, or so I thought, but the woman seems to have dropped off the face of the earth. It was perfect, too, right in my budget and close to the office,” I tell her.

Hardin shifts a little beside me, and I want to add that he isn’t joining me in Seattle, but I’m hoping to use this trip to convince him otherwise, so I stay quiet.

“You know, Tessa, I have a few friends in Seattle. I can see about getting you a place before Monday, if you’d like,” Ken offers.

“No,” Hardin says quickly.

I look over at him. “Actually, I would like that,” I say and meet Ken’s reflected gaze. “Otherwise I’ll be spending a fortune staying at a hotel until I can find a place.”

Hardin waves his dad off. “It’s fine. I’m sure Sandra will call her back.”

That’s strange, I think and look at him. “How’d you know her name?” I ask.

“What?” He blinks a couple of times. “You’ve only said it one hundred times.”

“Oh,” I say, and he spreads his hand across my thigh, squeezing gently.

“Well, just let me know if you want me to call anyone,” Ken offers again.

AFTER ANOTHER TWENTY MINUTES or so, Karen looks back at us, excitement bursting through her expression. “So how about I Spy?”

Landon’s lips turn up into a vibrant smile. “Yeah, Hardin, how about I Spy?”

Hardin leans against me, his head on my shoulder, and his arm wraps around me. “I’m good. I mean, it sounds wonderful, but it’s nap time for me. I’m sure Tessa and Landon would love to play.”

Despite his mocking the game, the public intimacy warms me and makes me smile. I remember a time when Hardin would only hold my hand under the dinner table at his father’s house, and now he doesn’t seem fazed to be holding me in front of his family.

“Okay! I’ll go first,” Karen says. “I spy with my little eye . . . something . . . blue!” she squeals.

Hardin chuckles lightly, against me. “Ken’s shirt,” he whispers and nuzzles further into me.

“The navigation screen?” Landon guesses.

“No,”

“Ken’s shirt?” I ask.

“Yes! Tessa, it’s your turn now.”

Hardin pinches me a little in acknowledgment, but I’m focused on Karen’s massive smile. She’s having way too much fun with these cheesy games, but she’s too sweet for me to not to play along.

“Okay, I spy something”—I look down at Hardin—“black.”

“Hardin’s soul!” Landon shouts, and I laugh.

Hardin opens one eye and sticks up a middle finger at his stepbrother.

“You’re right!” I exclaim, giggling.

“Well then, the lot of you can shut up so me and my black soul can get some sleep,” he says, eyes closed.

We ignore him and continue, and only a few minutes later Hardin’s breathing turns heavy and he begins to snore lightly into my neck. He mumbles for a moment before sliding down, putting his head on my lap and bringing his other arm around my waist. Landon seems to take that as a cue and lies across the middle seat, joining Hardin in sleep. Even Karen times out and ends up falling asleep.

I enjoy the silence as I stare out the window, watching the lush scenery shoot past us.

“We’re getting close, only a few more miles,” Ken says to the car, to nobody in particular.

I nod in acknowledgment and run my fingers through Hardin’s soft hair. His eyelids flutter lightly under my touch, but he doesn’t wake up. I trail my fingers down his back, slowly, taking in the view of him sleeping so peacefully, his arms wrapped tightly around my body.

Soon we turn onto a small street, the entirety of it lined with large pine trees. Silently, I watch out the window as we turn onto another street and round a corner, bringing the coast into view with sudden immediacy. It’s beautiful.

Glittering blue water meets the shoreline, creating a gorgeous contrast. The grass is brown, though, dead from a harsher-than-normal Washington winter. I can’t imagine how beautiful this place must be in the summer.

“Here we are,” Ken says, pulling into a long driveway.

I look toward the front of the car and see a large wooden cabin. Clearly, the Scotts’ definition of “small cabin” is very different from mine. The one I’m looking at is two stories tall, made entirely of dark cherrywood, and has a white-trimmed porch wrapping around the ground floor.

“Hardin, wake up.” I run my index finger over his jawline.

His eyes open, and he blinks rapidly, confused for a moment, then he sits up and wipes his eyes with his knuckles.

“Honey, we’re here,” Ken says to his wife, and she lifts up her head, followed by her son.

Still a little dazed, Hardin carries our bags inside, where Ken shows him to the room we’re staying in. I follow Karen into the kitchen while Landon takes his bags to his room as well.

The cathedral-style ceiling in the living room is repeated in the kitchen on a smaller scale. It takes me a moment to figure out what’s so peculiar about this room, but then I see that the kitchen here is a smaller, yet equally elegant version of the Scotts’ kitchen at home.

“This place is beautiful,” I say to Karen. “Thank you for inviting us.”

“Thank you, dear. It’s nice to finally have company in it.” She smiles and opens the refrigerator. “We love having the two of you here. I’d never have thought that Hardin would come along on a family trip. I know it’s a short one, but this means the world to Ken,” she says, speaking softly to ensure I’m the only one to hear.

“I’m glad he came along, too, I think he’ll enjoy himself.” I say the words hoping that once they’re out there in the air, they’ll come true.

Karen turns and grabs my hand warmly. “I sure will miss you when you go to Seattle. I haven’t had much time with Hardin, but I’ll miss him, too.”

“I’ll still be around. It’s only a couple hours away,” I assure her. And myself, really.

I’m going to miss her and Ken. And I can’t even allow my mind to wander into thoughts of Landon’s looming departure. Even though I’m leaving for Seattle before he leaves for New York, I’m not ready for him to be so far away. Being in Seattle, I’ll still be in the same state at least. But New York is far, so far.

“I hope so. With Landon gone, too, I’m afraid I’ll be lost. I’ve been a mother for nearly twenty years . . .” She begins to tear up. “I’m sorry, I’m just so proud of him.” She dabs at her eyes with her fingers, stopping the tears, and looks around the kitchen, like she’ll find a task that will stop this feeling she’s having. “Maybe the three of you can run to the store down the road while Ken gets the boat ready.”

“Yeah, of course we can,” I say as the three men enter the room.

Hardin comes up behind me. “I left the bags on the bed for you to unpack. I know I’d do it wrong.”

“Thank you,” I say, grateful that he didn’t even try. He likes to shove things haphazardly into dresser drawers, and it drives me mad. “I told Karen we’d go to the store for her while your father gets the boat ready.”

“Okay.” He shrugs.

“You, too.” I turn to Landon, who nods.

“Landon knows where it is; it’s just down the road. You can walk or take the car. The keys are hanging by the door,” Ken says as we head out.

The weather is forgiving today, and the sun makes it feel much warmer than it should be this early in the year. The sky is a clear blue. I can hear the waves crashing and smell the salt in the air each time the wind blows. We decide to walk down to the small store at the end of the street, and I’m comfortable in jeans and a short-sleeved shirt.

“This place is so nice, it feels like we’re in our own world,” I say to Hardin and Landon.

“We are in our own world. No one bothers to come to the beach in fucking February,” Hardin comments.

“Well, I think it’s nice,” I say, ignoring his attitude.

“Anyway”—Landon looks at Hardin, who is kicking at the rocks as we walk down the gravel road—“Dakota has an audition for a small production this week.”

“Really?” I say. “That’s so great!”

“Yeah, she’s really excited. I hope she gets the part.”

“Didn’t she just start school, though? Why would they give the part to an amateur?” Hardin’s voice is calm, wondering.

“Hardin . . .”

“They would give her the part because regardless of her being an amateur or not, she’s an excellent dancer and has been studying ballet her entire life,” Landon fires back.

Hardin holds up his hands comically. “Don’t get testy, I’m just saying.”

But Landon defends his love. “Well, don’t, she’s talented, and she’s going to get the part.”

Hardin rolls his eyes. “Okay . . . damn.”

“It’s nice that you support her.” I smile at Landon in an attempt to break up the tension brewing between him and Hardin.

“I’ll always support her, no matter what she does. That’s why I’m moving all the way to New York.” Landon looks at Hardin, and Hardin’s jaw tenses.

“So this is how this trip is going to be, then? The two of you fucking ganging up on me? Count me fucking out, then. I didn’t even want to come on this shit anyway.” Hardin spits.

The three of us stop walking, and Landon and I both turn to Hardin. I’m thinking about how to calm him down, when Landon suddenly says, “Well, then you shouldn’t have come. We’d all have a better time without you and your sour attitude anyway.”

My eyes widen at Landon’s harsh remark, and I feel the urge to defend Hardin, but I stay quiet. Besides, Landon’s right, mostly. Hardin shouldn’t make it his goal to ruin our trip by having an attitude for no good reason.

“Excuse me? You’re the one with a fucking ‘attitude,’ because I said your girlfriend was an amateur.”

“No, you started being a jerk in the car,” Landon says.

“Yeah—because your mum wouldn’t stop singing along to every fucking song on the radio and yelling state names”—Hardin’s voice rises precipitously—“while I was trying to enjoy the scenery.”

I step between them as Hardin tries to move toward Landon. Landon takes a deep breath and stares at Hardin, challenging him. “My mom is trying to make sure we all have a nice time!”

“Well, then maybe she should—”

“Stop it, you guys. You can’t fight like this the entire time we’re here. No one will be able to stand it, so please just stop,” I beg, not wanting to take sides between my best friend and my boyfriend.

They look at each other for a few more tense moments. I nearly laugh at the way they behave like brothers despite the fact that they try so hard not to.

“Okay.” Landon says finally, and sighs.

“Fine,” Hardin huffs.

The rest of our walk is silent, aside from Hardin’s boots kicking at the rocks and Landon’s soft humming. The calm after the storm . . . or before it.

Or just between them, I suppose.

“WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO wear on the boat?” I ask Landon as we walk up the driveway to the cabin.

“Shorts, I think. It’s warm right now, but I’ll probably bring a sweatsuit.”

“Oh.” I wish it was warmer so I could wear a swimsuit. I don’t even own one, but the idea of shopping for one with Hardin makes me smile.

I can picture him, saying crude and perverted things; he’d probably end up in the dressing room with me.

I don’t think I’d stop him.

I need to stop thinking these types of things, especially while Landon is talking about the weather, and I should at least appear to be listening.

“The boat is insane, it’s so big,” Landon says.

“Oh . . .” I cringe. Now that we’re closer to the boat ride, my nerves are beginning to take over.

Landon and I go into the kitchen to unpack the groceries, and Hardin heads into the bedroom without a word.

Landon looks over his shoulder to where his stepbrother disappeared to. “He’s pretty sensitive when it comes to talking about Seattle. He still hasn’t agreed to go, has he?”

I look around the room to be sure no one can hear us. “No, not exactly,” I say and chew on my bottom lip in embarrassment.

“I don’t get it,” Landon says, looking through the bags. “What’s so bad about Seattle that he won’t go with you? Does he have some sort of history there?”

“No . . . well, not that I know of . . .” I start to say, but then Hardin’s letter comes to mind. I don’t remember him mentioning any hardships he’d gone through in Seattle. Could he have left them out?

I don’t think so. And I hope not. I’m not ready for any more surprises.

“Well, there has to be a reason, because he can’t even go to the bathroom without you, so I can’t imagine him being okay with you moving away without him. I thought he’d do anything to keep you close to him . . . literally anything,” Landon says with emphasis.

“Me, too.” I sigh, not knowing why Hardin has to be so stubborn. “And he does go to the bathroom without me. Sometimes,” I joke.

Landon laughs along. “Barely; he probably installed a hidden camera on your shirt to keep track of you.”

“Cameras aren’t my thing. I’m more of a tracking-device type of guy.” Hardin’s voice makes me jump, and I look over to find him leaning in the doorway of the kitchen.

“Thanks for helping prove my point,” Landon says, but Hardin chuckles, shaking his head. He seems to be in a better mood, thank goodness.

“Where is this boat? I’m bored listening to you two talk shit about me.”

“We weren’t, we were joking,” I tell him and walk over to hug him where he’s standing.

“It’s fine, I do the same when you’re not around,” he says in a mocking tone, although I can’t help but detect a hint of seriousness behind the words.

chapter

twenty-three

TESSA

Dock’s a little shaky, but sturdy enough. I need to get someone out here to remodel it . . .” Ken muses as we follow him out to the where the boat’s moored.

With their backyard leading directly to the water, the view is incredible. The waves crash along the rocks lining the shore, and instinctively I step behind Hardin.

“What’s wrong?” he asks quietly.

“Nothing. I’m just a little nervous.”

He turns around to face me, sliding both of his hands into the back pockets of my jeans. “It’s only water, baby, it’ll be okay.”

He smiles, but I can’t tell if he’s mocking me or being sincere. It’s only when his lips brush my cheek that my doubt disappears.

“I forgot you don’t like water.” He pulls me closer.

“I like water . . . in swimming pools.”

“And streams?” His eyes glitter with humor.

I smile at the memory. “Only one stream in particular.”

I was nervous that day, too. Hardin only convinced me to get into the water by bribing me. He had promised to answer one of my endless questions about him in exchange for me getting into the water with him. Those days seem so distant—so ancient, really—but the ongoing theme of secrecy still litters our present.

Hardin takes my hand in his as we follow his family down the dock to the incredibly intimidating vessel waiting at the end. I don’t know much about boats, but I think this one may be a giant-sized pontoon boat. I know it’s not a yacht, but it’s bigger than any fishing boat I’ve ever seen.

“It’s so big,” I whisper to Hardin.

“Shh, don’t talk about my dick in front of my family,” he teases.

I love this playful yet grumpy mood he’s in; his smile is contagious. Then the dock creaks beneath my feet, and I squeeze tight against Hardin in panic.

“Watch the step,” Ken calls back to us as he climbs onto the ladder connecting the boat and the dock.

Hardin’s hand moves to my back as he helps me up the ladder. I try to force myself to imagine that it’s just a small ladder at a playground, not something attached to an enormous boat. The reassurance that comes with Hardin’s touch is the only thing keeping me from running back up the shaky dock, into the cabin, and hiding under the bed.

Ken helps us each onto the deck, and once there, I can see how nice the boat is, decorated in white wood and caramel leather. The seating area is large, big enough for all of us and then some to sit comfortably.

When he tries to help Hardin aboard, his son waves him off. When he’s fully on the deck, he looks around and says plainly, “It’s nice to see that your boat is nicer than Mum’s house.”

Ken’s proud smile fades.

“Hardin,” I whisper, tugging at his hand.

“Sorry,” he huffs.

Ken sighs but seems to accept his son’s apology before walking over to the other side of the boat.

“You okay?” Hardin leans into me.

“Yeah, just be nice, please. I’m already nauseous.”

“I’ll be nice. I already apologized.” He takes a seat on one of the lounges, and I join him.

Landon takes the grocery bag and leans down to unpack cans of soda and bags of snacks. I gaze across the expanse of the boat and out onto the water. It’s beautiful, and the sun is dancing across the surface.

“I love you,” Hardin’s says softly into my ear.

The boat’s engine comes to life with a light hum, and I scoot closer to Hardin. “I love you,” I say back, still looking out onto the water.

“If we get out far enough we may see a few dolphins, or if we’re lucky, a whale!” Ken says loudly.

“A whale would surely knock this boat over in no time flat,” Hardin remarks, and I gulp at the thought. “Shit, sorry,” he apologizes.

The farther and farther we get from the shore, the calmer I become. It’s odd: I thought it would be the opposite, but there’s a certain serenity that comes with being so disconnected from the land.

“Do you see dolphins a lot out here?” I ask Karen as she sips on her soda.

She smiles. “No, only once. But we still try!”

“I can’t believe the weather today, it feels like June,” Landon remarks, pulling his T-shirt over his head.

“Are you working on your tan?” I ask him, taking in his pale torso.

“Or your ghost impression?” Hardin adds.

Landon rolls his eyes but otherwise ignores the remark. “Yep, even though I won’t need a tan in the city.”

“If the water wasn’t ice cold, we could all go for a swim closer to shore,” Karen says.

“Maybe in the summer,” I remind her, and she nods happily.

“At least we still have the Jacuzzi back at the cabin,” Ken says.

Enjoying the moment, I look up at Hardin, but he stays quiet, staring off into the distance.

“Look! There!” Ken points behind us.

Hardin and I both turn quickly, and it takes me a moment to see what he’s spotted. It’s a pod of dolphins leaping through the water. They aren’t close to the boat, but they’re close enough that we can see the way they move in sync through the waves.

“It’s our lucky day!” Karen laughs.

The wind blows my hair across my face, blocking my view for a moment, and Hardin’s hand reaches up to tuck it back behind my ear. It’s always the simple things he does, the small ways he finds to touch me without thought, that make my stomach flutter.

“That was so neat,” I say to him once the dolphins have fully passed by.

“Yeah, it was, actually,” he says, sounding surprised.

AFTER TWO HOURS of conversation about boating, the beautiful summers along this spot of coastline, sports, and an awkward mention of Seattle that Hardin halted almost as soon as it began, Ken leads us back to the shore.

“That wasn’t so bad, was it?” Hardin and I ask each other at the same time.

“Guess not.” He laughs, helping me down the ladder to the dock.

The sun has marked his cheeks and the bridge of his nose, and his hair is unruly and blown out from the wind. He’s so lovely, it hurts.

We all walk across the backyard, and all I can think about is how much I want to hold on to that peaceful sensation of being out on the water.

As we enter the cabin, Karen announces, “I’ll make us all lunch—I’m sure everyone is hungry,” and disappears into the kitchen.

The rest of us stand there silent and content as she walks off.

Finally, Hardin asks his father, “What else is there to do here?”

“Well, there’s a nice restaurant further in town—we were planning for all of us to have dinner there tomorrow. There’s an old-fashioned movie theater, a library—”

“So, a bunch of lame shit, then?” Hardin says, his words harsh but his tone playful.

“It’s a nice place, you should give it a chance,” Ken says, not in the least bit offended.

The four of us head into the kitchen and stand around while Karen puts together a platter of sandwiches and fruit. Hardin, who is being overly affectionate today, rests his hand on my hip.

Maybe this place is good for him.

AFTER LUNCH, I help Karen clean the kitchen and make lemonade while Landon and Hardin discuss how terrible modern literature is. I can’t help but laugh when Landon mentions Harry Potter. This sends Hardin into a five-minute-long speech on why he never has read and never will read the books, and Landon tries desperately to get him to change his mind.

After the lemonade is finished and greedily drunk down, Ken says to us all, “Karen and I are going to head down to our friend’s cabin a few doors down for an hour or two, if you all want to come.”

Hardin looks over at me from across the room, and I wait for him to answer. “I’ll pass,” he finally says, still looking at me.

Landon looks back and forth between Hardin and me. “I’ll come,” he says plainly, but I swear I catch him smirk at Hardin before he stands up to join Ken and his mom.