Текст книги "After We Fell"

Автор книги: Anna Todd

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Текущая страница: 34 (всего у книги 49 страниц)

chapter

one hundred and six

HARDIN

As if the long-ass drive through the freezing rain wasn’t pleasant enough, when I get back to my apartment, I’m bombarded with a disturbing image of Tessa’s dad sprawled out on my couch, wearing my clothes. My cotton pajama pants and black T-shirt are way too tight on him, and I can literally taste the bagel Tessa fed me this morning rising in the back of my throat, just begging to be regurgitated onto the concrete floor.

“How is Tessie doing?” Richard asks me the moment I walk in the door.

“Why are you wearing my clothes, again?” I groan, not necessarily expecting an answer from the man but knowing I’m going to get one anyway.

“I only have that one shirt you gave me, and I couldn’t get the smell out of it,” he replies, rising to his feet.

“Where’s Landon?”

“Landon’s in the kitchen.” My stepbrother’s voice carries into the living room from behind me. A moment later he joins us, a dish towel in his hands. Drops of soap fall to the floor, and I scowl at him for not making Richard do the damn dishes.

“So how is she?” he asks.

“She’s good. Fuck. In case anyone was wondering, I’m good, too,” I gripe.

The apartment is much cleaner than it was when I left it. The stacks of shitty manuscripts that I had planned to throw away are now gone, the tower of empty water bottles I had built on the coffee table is nowhere to be seen, and even the dust mound that I’ve grown used to watching grow has disappeared from the corners of the television stand.

“What the fuck happened in here?” I ask both of them. My patience is wearing too thin, given that I’ve only been in this apartment for a couple of minutes.

“If you mean what happened, as in why did we clean the place—” Landon begins, but I cut him off.

“Where’s all my shit?” I pace across the floor. “Did I ask either of you to touch any of my shit?” My fingers move to pinch the bridge of my nose, and I take a deep breath in an attempt to control my sudden anger. Why would they just clean my fucking apartment without asking me first?

I look back and forth between the two of them before stalking off to my bedroom.

“Someone’s in a mood,” I hear Richard remark just as I reach the door.

“Just ignore him . . . he misses her,” Landon quickly says.

As a fuck-you to both of them, I slam the door as loudly as possible.

Landon is right. I know he is. I could feel it as I drove away from that damned city, away from her. I could feel every single tendon and muscle in my body tighten the farther I got from her. Every single fucking mile widened the gaping hole inside of me. A hole that only she can fill.

Cursing at every asshole on the highway helped maintain my temper at a slow burn, but it wasn’t going to suffice for long. I should have stayed in Seattle a few more hours, convinced her to take the week off and come home with me. With the way she was dressed, I shouldn’t have given her a choice.

The more I sink into my thoughts, the more I find myself visualizing her half-naked body. Her skirt was bunched up around her waist, creating the sexiest sight. As I rocked into her repeatedly, she promised not to forget me during the long week ahead and told me how much she loved me.

The more I think about the way she kissed me and then kissed me again, the more agitated I become.

My need for her is stronger than it’s ever been. It’s lust and love melted together—no, the need I have for her goes much deeper than lust. The way we’re connected while making love is indescribable, the sounds she makes, the way I’m reminded that I’m the only man who has ever made her feel that way. I love her and she loves me, end of fucking story.

“Hey,” I say into the receiver, having called her before I even realized what I was doing.

“Hey. Is something wrong?” she asks.

“No.” I look around my bedroom. My newly tidied bedroom. “Yes.”

“What’s wrong? Are you home?”

No, it’s not home. You’re not here. “Yeah, and your fucking dad and Landon are on my last fucking nerve.”

She lets out a little chuckle. “It’s been, what, like probably ten minutes you’ve been home. What did they do already?”

“They cleaned the entire apartment, moved all my shit around. I can’t find anything.” I wish there was a dirty shirt on the floor or something I could kick.

“What’re you looking for?” she asks, but in the background I hear another voice on her end.

It takes everything I have not to ask her who the hell she’s with. “Nothing specific,” I admit. “But what I’m saying is that if I did want to find something, I wouldn’t be able to.”

She laughs. “So you’re mad that they cleaned up the apartment and you can’t find something you’re not even looking for?”

“Yeah,” I say with a grin. I’m being a fucking baby, and I know it. She knows it, too, but instead of chastising me, she giggles.

“You should go to the gym.”

“I should drive back to Seattle and fuck you over your bed. Again,” I fire back. She gasps, and the sound resonates deep inside me, making the need for her stronger.

“Um, yeah,” she whispers.

“Who’s with you?” I lasted about forty seconds there. Progress.

“Trevor and Kim,” she replies slowly.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” Fucking Trevor is always around. He’s becoming more of a nuisance than Zed, and that’s saying a fucking lot.

“Har-din . . .” I can tell she’s uncomfortable, and she doesn’t want to explain herself in front of them.

“Ther-esa.”

“I’m going to go to my room for a minute.” She politely excuses herself, and while I listen to her breathing, I grow more and more impatient.

“Why is fucking Trevor at your house?” I say, sounding more like a lunatic than I’d planned on.

“This isn’t my house,” she reminds me.

“Yeah, well, you live there and—”

She interrupts me. “You should go to the gym; you’re obviously wound up.” I can hear the concern in her voice, and the silence that follows proves her point. “Please, Hardin.”

There’s no way I can say no to her. “I’ll call you when I get back,” I agree and hang up the phone.

I CAN’T SAY that I didn’t see fucking Trevor’s fucking annoying, model-fucking-like face imprinted on the black bag as I kicked, punched, kicked, punched for two hours straight. But I also can’t say that it helped, not really. I’m still . . . just revved up. I don’t even know why I’m annoyed except that Tessa isn’t here and I’m not there.

Fuck, this is going to be a long week.

A text from Tessa is waiting for me when I reach my car. I hadn’t expected to work out for so long, but I clearly needed it.

Been trying to stay awake but I’m worn out ;) her message reads. I’m thankful for the darkness outside that conceals the stupid-ass grin on my face from her corny innuendo. She’s so damn endearing without even trying.

I nearly ignore a message from Landon reminding me that I’m running low on groceries. I haven’t bought actual groceries for myself since . . . ever. When I lived in the frat house I just ate the shit that other people bought.

However, Tessa may be upset if she finds out I’m not feeding her dad, and Landon won’t hesitate to tattle on me . . .

Somehow I find myself pulling into Target instead of Conner’s for groceries. Tessa is clearly influencing me without even being here. She spends just as much time at Conner’s as she does at Target, even though she can go on for hours explaining to me why Target is much better than any other store. She even expresses this while we’re in the middle of Conner’s. It annoys the shit out me, but I’ve learned to nod at the exact right moments to make her think I’m listening and partly agreeing with her.

Just as I toss a box of Frosted Flakes into a shopping cart, a flash of red hair appears at the end of the aisle. I know it’s Steph before she turns around. Her skanky thigh-high black boots with red laces are a dead giveaway.

Quickly, I go over the two options here. One, I can walk over and remind her what a stupid fucking . . .

She turns to face me before I can go over the second option, which I probably would have preferred.

“Hardin! Wait!” Steph’s voice sounds loud when I turn on my heel and leave the cart in the middle of the aisle. Regardless of the hard workout I just completed, there’s no way that I could possibly control myself around Steph. No fucking way.

I can hear the heavy thud of her boots against the laminate floor as she follows me despite my obvious attempt at avoiding her.

“Listen to me!” she yells when she gets right behind me. When I stop walking, she collides with my back and falls to the floor.

I spin and growl at her. “What the fuck do you want?”

She quickly scrambles to her feet. I notice that her black dress is now dusted white from the dirty floor.

“I thought you were in Seattle.”

“I am, just not at the moment,” I lie. I’m not sure what possessed me to even try to keep a front up with her, but it’s too late to backtrack now.

“I know you hate me now,” she begins.

“First smart thought you’ve had in a while,” I snap out, then get a good look at her. Her green eyes are nearly nonexistent what with the thick lines of black circling them. She looks like shit.

“I’m not in the mood for your crap,” I warn her.

“You never have been.” She smiles.

I clench my fists at my sides. “I don’t have shit to say to you, and you know how I get when I don’t want to be bothered.”

“You’re threatening me? Really?” She raises her arms in front of her, then drops them back down. I stay quiet as images of a barely conscious Tessa swarm my mind. I need to get away from Steph. I would never hurt her physically, but I know all the shit to say to cut her much deeper than anything she could imagine. It’s one of my many talents.

“She isn’t good for you,” Steph has the nerve to say.

I can’t help but laugh at the audacity of this bitch. “You aren’t stupid enough to try to discuss this with me.”

But Steph has never been anything if not sure of herself. Full of herself. “You know it’s true. She isn’t enough for you, and you’re never going to be enough for her.” The heat inside me turns from a simmer to a raging boil as she continues: “You’re going to get bored with her prudish behavior, and you know it. You’re probably already bored.”

“Prudish?” I bark another laugh. She doesn’t know the Tessa who likes to be fucked in front of a mirror and fucks herself on my fingers until she screams my name.

Steph nods. “And she’ll get over this bad-boy fetish she’s got with you and marry a banker or some shit. You can’t be stupid enough to think she’s in this for the long run. I know you saw how she was with Noah, that douche bag made of cardigans. They were like the poster couple for people who belong together, and you know it. You can’t compete with that.”

“And what? You’re implying that you and I would be better?” My voice comes out sounding much less demanding than I planned. She’s prying at my biggest insecurities, and I’m trying my best not to falter.

She rolls her raccoon eyes. “No, of course not.”

“I know you don’t want me—you never did. My point is, I care about you,” she says. I look away from her to scan the empty aisles. “I know you don’t want to believe me, and I know you want to wring my neck for messing with your Virgin Mary, but in that dark heart of yours, you know what I’m saying is true.”

I bite the inside of my cheek at the nickname that my so-called friends branded Tessa with early on.

“Deep down, you know it won’t work. She’s too silver spoon for you. You’re covered in ink, and it’s only a matter of time before she’s sick of being embarrassed to be seen with you.”

“She’s not embarrassed to be seen with me.” I take a step toward the redheaded harpy.

“You know she is. She even told me she was when you two first started dating. I’m sure that hasn’t changed.” She smiles; her nose ring glistens under the lighting, and I cringe at the memory of her hands touching me, making me come.

I swallow back bile and speak. “You’re trying to manipulate me—because that’s all you have to work with—and I’m not buying it.” I push past her.

She croaks out a gross little laugh. “If you were enough for her, then why did she run to Zed so many times? You know what people were saying.”

I stop dead in my tracks. I remember Tessa coming back from that lunch with Steph. She was so upset after she left Applebee’s the day that Steph brought Molly along, and the two of them hinted to Tessa that there were rumors going around that she fucked Zed. I was enraged enough to call Molly and warn her not to fucking try to come between Tessa and me. Steph obviously didn’t get the message, even though it was her I needed to worry about the entire time.

“You made up those rumors,” I accuse.

“No . . . Zed’s roommate did. He’s the one who heard her moaning his name and heard Zed’s bed smacking against the wall while he was trying to sleep. Annoying, right?” Steph’s malevolent grin snaps every bit of self-control I’ve managed to hang on to since Tessa left for Seattle.

I need to walk away now. I need to walk away now.

“Zed said she was nice and tight, though, and apparently she does this . . . like, thing with her hips or something. Oh, and that freckle . . . you know the one.” Her black nails tap against her chin.

I can’t handle it.

“Shut up!” I cover my ears with my hands. “Shut the fuck up!” I scream through the aisle, and Steph backs away, still grinning.

“Believe me or not.” She shrugs. “I don’t care, but you know it’s a waste of time. She’s a waste of time.”

She sneers, disappearing just as my fist connects with metal shelving.

chapter

one hundred and seven

HARDIN

Boxes fall from the shelves and tumble onto the floor in a blur. I connect with the metal again, leaving a thick red stain behind. The familiar sting of splitting flesh across my knuckles only heightens the rush of my adrenaline, pushing me further into my rage. It’s almost soothing, the relief of allowing myself to express my anger in the way I’ve always been used to. I don’t have to stop myself. I don’t have to overthink my actions. I can surrender to the anger, let it spill out, allow it to pull me under.

“What are you doing! Someone come help!” a woman yells.

When I snap my head her way, she takes a step backward into the wide opening at the aisle’s end, and I notice a little blond-haired girl clinging to her skirt. The woman’s eyes are wide with fear and caution.

When the little girl’s bright blue eyes meet mine, I can’t look away. The innocence in their depths is being stolen with every angry breath that leaves my body. I break the hold of the girl’s gaze and look toward the mess I’ve made in the aisle. Disappointment replaces rage in an instant, and the realization that I’m destroying shit in the middle of a Target hits me hard. If the cops arrive before I can get out of here, I’m fucked.

With one last look toward the little girl in her floor-length dress and sparkling shoes, I rush down the aisle and toward the front of the store. Avoiding the chaos that is brewing around me, I cross from aisle to aisle, staying as much out of sight as possible.

I can’t think clearly. Not a single thought makes sense to me.

Tessa didn’t fuck Zed.

She didn’t.

She couldn’t have.

I would know if she did. Someone would have told me.

She would have told me. She’s the only person I know who doesn’t lie to me.

I burst outside, and the winter air is unforgiving as it bites at my skin. I keep my eyes focused on my car, which is parked toward the back of the lot, thankful to be shielded by the darkness of the night.

“Fuck!” I scream once I reach my car. My boot collides with my bumper and the grinding noise of metal bending out of place ratchets up my feeling of frustration.

“She’s only been with me!” I say out loud, then hop inside the car.

I’m pushing the key into the ignition just as two police cars pull into the parking lot with lights blazing and sirens howling. I pull out of the space slowly to avoid any unwanted attention and watch as they park on the curb and rush inside like a murder has been committed.

The moment I make it out of the parking lot, relief floods through me. If I’d been arrested at Target, Tessa would have flipped shit on me.

Tessa . . . and Zed.

I know better than to believe Steph’s bullshit lies about Tessa fucking him. I know she didn’t. I know that I’m the only man who has ever been inside of her, the only one who has ever made her come. Not him.

Not fucking anyone. Only me.

I shake my head to rid myself of the vision of the two of them, her fingers wrapped around his arms as he pushes into her. Fuck, not this again.

I literally can’t think straight. I can’t see straight. I should have wrapped my hands around Steph’s neck and . . .

No, I can’t allow myself to finish the thought. She got exactly what she wanted out of me, and that makes me even angrier. She knew exactly what she was doing when she mentioned Zed; she was purposely taunting me, trying to make me snap, and it worked. She knew she was pulling the pin from a grenade and walking away. But I’m not a grenade—I should be able to control myself.

I immediately call Tessa, but she doesn’t pick up. Her phone rings . . . and rings . . . and rings. She did tell me that she was going to sleep, but I know damn well that her phone is always on vibrate and that woman can’t sleep through shit.

“Come on, Tess, pick up the phone,” I groan and toss my cell onto the passenger seat. I need to get as far away from Target as possible before the cops check the parking-lot cameras and get my plate number or some shit.

The freeway is a fucking nightmare, and I keep trying to call Tessa. If she doesn’t get back to me within the hour, I’m calling Christian.

I should have stayed in Seattle another night. Hell, I should have moved there in the fucking first place. All of my reasons for not wanting to go seem so fucking pointless now. All of the fears I had, and still have, are only being kept alive by the distance between where she lives and where I live.

“Deep down you know it won’t work.”

“You’re covered in ink, and it’s only a matter of time before she’s sick of being embarrassed to be seen with you.”

“Bad-boy fetish.”

“Marry a banker or some shit.”

Steph’s voice pierces my ears over and over again. I’m going insane—I’m literally losing my fucking mind on this wide-open road. All the efforts that I made all week mean nothing now. The two days that I spent with Tessa have been ruined by that viper.

Is all of this worth it? Is all of this constant trying worth it? Will I always have to stop myself from saying or doing the wrong shit? And if I do continue this potential transformation, will she really love me after, or just feel like she finished some kind of project for a psych class?

After all this, will there be enough of me left for her to love? Will I even be the same man that she fell in love with, or is this her way of transforming me into someone she wishes I could be— someone she will tire of?

Is she trying to make me more like him . . . more like Noah?

“You can’t compete with that . . .” Steph is right. I can’t compete with Noah and the simple relationship Tessa shared with him. She never had to worry about anything when she was with him. They were good together. Good and simple.

He isn’t broken the way that I am.

I remember the days when I used to sit in my room and wait hours for Steph to tell me when Tessa returned after she’d spent some time with him. I interfered as much as I could and, surprisingly enough, it worked out for me. She chose me over him, over the boy she grew up loving.

The idea of Tessa telling Noah she loves him makes me sick to my stomach.

“Bad-boy fetish . . .” I’m more than a fetish to Tessa. I have to be. I’ve fucked more than my share of girls who were only looking to frighten their daddies, but Tessa isn’t one of them. She’s put up with enough shit from me to prove that.

My thoughts are jumbled and frantic, and I can’t keep up with them.

Why am I letting Steph get inside my head? I shouldn’t have listened to a word that bitch said. Now that I have, though, I can’t get her words out of me. I wipe my bloody and busted knuckles across the legs of my blue jeans and park the car.

When I look up, I find myself parked in the lot at Blind Bob’s. I’ve driven all the way here without so much as a thought about it. I shouldn’t go inside . . . but I can’t stop myself.

And behind the bar, I see an old . . . friend. Carly. Carly, wearing minimal clothing and deep red lipstick.

“Well . . . well . . . well . . .” She grins at me.

“Save it.” I groan and slide onto a bar stool directly in front of her.

“Not a chance.” She shakes her head, her blond ponytail whipping back and forth. “The last time I served you, it spiraled into one big drama-fest, and I have neither the time nor the patience for a repeat performance tonight.”

The last time I was here, I got so shit-faced that Carly forced me to spend the night on her couch, which only led to a huge misunderstanding with Tessa, who got into a car accident that day because of me. Because of the shit I bring into her otherwise clean life.

“Your job is to get me a drink when I order one.” I point at the bottle of dark whiskey on the shelf behind her.

“There’s a sign right there that states otherwise.” She leans her elbows onto the bar top, and I sit back on my bar stool, creating as much space between us as possible.

The small WE HAVE THE RIGHT TO REFUSE SERVICE TO ANYONE is taped to the wall, and I can’t help but laugh.

“Easy on the ice, I don’t want it watered down.” I ignore another of her eye rolls as she pushes herself up and grabs an empty glass.

A thick stream of dark liquor pours into my glass, and Steph’s voice replays again and again in my brain. This is the only way to rid myself of her accusations and lies.

Carly’s voice breaks me from my daze. “She’s calling.”

Glancing down, I see the picture that I snapped while Tessa was asleep this morning; it’s flashing on my phone’s screen.

“Fuck.” I instinctively push the glass away, spilling its freshly poured contents onto the bar top. I ignore Carly’s high-pitched cursing and leave the bar just as quickly as I arrived.

Outside, I swipe my thumb across the screen. “Tess.”

“Hardin!” she says, panicked. “Are you okay?”

“I called you so many times.” I let out a breath of relief at the sound of her voice through the small speaker.

“I know, I’m sorry. I was asleep. Are you okay? Where are you?”

“Blind Bob’s,” I admit. There’s no use in lying—she always finds out the truth one way or another.

“Oh . . .” she barely whispers.

“I ordered a drink.” I may as well tell her everything.

“Only one?”

“Yes, and I didn’t get the chance to even taste it before you called.” I can’t decide how I feel about that. Her voice is my lifeline, but I can feel a thread of something calling me back to the bar as well.

“That’s good, then,” she says. “Are you leaving there?”

“Yes, right now.” I pull the handle on my car door and climb into the driver’s seat.

After a few beats, Tessa asks, “Why’d you go there? It’s okay that you did . . . I’m just wondering why.”

“I saw Steph.”

She gasps. “What happened? Did you . . . did anything happen?”

“I didn’t hurt her, if that’s what you mean.” I turn on my car but keep it in park. I want to talk to Tessa without the distraction of driving. “She said some shit to me that really . . . it really set me off. I lost my temper in Target.”

“Are you okay? Wait, I thought you hated Target.”

“Out of all the things . . .” I begin.

“Sorry. I’m half asleep.” I can hear the smile in her voice, but it’s quickly replaced by worry. “Are you okay? What did she say?”

“She said that you fucked Zed,” I tell her. I don’t want to repeat the other shit she said about Tessa and me not being good for each other.

“What? You know that’s not true. Hardin, I swear nothing happened between us that you don’t already—”

I tap a finger on the windshield, watching my fingerprints accumulate. “She said his roommate heard you.”

“You don’t believe her, right? You couldn’t possibly believe her, Hardin; you know me—you know I would have told you if anyone else had touched me—” Her voice cracks, and my chest aches.

“Shhh . . .” I shouldn’t have let her go on about it for so long. I should have told her that I knew it wasn’t true, but being the selfish bastard that I am, I needed to hear her say it.

“What else did she say?” She’s crying.

“Just bullshit. About you and Zed. And she played on every fear and insecurity that I have about us.”

“Is that why you went to the bar?” There’s no judgment in Tessa’s voice, only an understanding that I wasn’t expecting.

“I guess so.” I sigh. “She knew things. About your body . . . things that only I should know.” A shiver rakes down my spine.

“She was my roommate. She saw me change any number of times, not to mention she’s the one who undressed me that night,” she says with a sniffle.

Anger ripples through me again. The thought of Tessa, unable to move while Steph forcefully undressed her . . .

“Don’t cry, please. I can’t bear it, not when you’re hours away,” I beg her.

Now that Tessa’s soft voice is on the line, Steph’s words seem to hold no truth, and the madness—the pure fucking madness—that I felt only minutes ago has dissolved.

“Let’s talk about something else while I drive home.” I shift my car into reverse and put Tessa on speakerphone.

“Okay, yeah . . .” she says, then hums a little while she thinks. “Um, Kimberly and Christian invited me to join them at their club this weekend.”

“You aren’t going.”

“If you would let me finish,” she scolds me. “But since you will hopefully be here, and I knew you wouldn’t come along, we agreed on me going Wednesday night instead.”

“What kind of club is open on a Wednesday?” I glance into my rearview mirror, answering my own question. “I’m going,” I say.

“Why? You don’t like clubs, remember?”

I roll my eyes. “I’ll go with you this weekend. I don’t want you to go Wednesday.”

“I’m going on Wednesday. We can go again this weekend if you’d like, but I already told Kimberly that I’m coming, and there’s no reason that I shouldn’t.”

“I would rather you not go,” I say through my teeth. I’m already on edge, and she’s testing me. “Or I can come Wednesday, too,” I offer, trying my best to be reasonable.

“You don’t have to drive all the way here on Wednesday when you’ll already be coming for the weekend.

“You don’t want to be seen with me?” The words are out before I can stop them.

“What?” I hear the click of her lamp turning on in the background. “Why would you say that? You know it’s not true. Don’t let Steph in your head. That’s what this is about, isn’t it?”

I pull into the parking lot of the apartment and park the car before I respond. Tessa waits in silence for an explanation. Finally I sigh. “No. I don’t know.”

“We have to learn to fight together, not against one another. It shouldn’t be Steph versus you versus me. We have to be in this together,” she continues.

“That’s not what I’m doing . . .”

She’s right. She’s always fucking right. “I’ll come on Wednesday and stay until Sunday.”

“I have classes and work.”

“It sounds like you don’t want me to come.” My paranoia seeps through my already broken confidence.

“Of course I do. You know I do.”

I savor the words; fuck, I miss her so much.

“Are you home yet?” Tessa asks just as I turn off the ignition.

“Yes, I just got here.”

“I miss you.”

The sadness in her voice stops me in my tracks. “I miss you too, baby. I’m sorry—I’m going crazy without you, Tess.”

“I am, too.” She sighs, and it makes me want to apologize again.

“I’m a dumb-ass for not coming to Seattle with you in the first place.”

Coughing sounds through the speaker. “What?”

“You heard me. I’m not repeating it.”

“Fine.” She finally stops coughing as I step onto the elevator. “I know I couldn’t have heard you correctly anyway.”

“Anyway, what do you want me to do about Steph and Dan?” I change the subject.

“What can you do?” she quietly asks.

“You don’t want me to answer that.”

“Nothing, then, just leave them be.”

“She’s probably going to tell everyone about tonight and continue to spread the rumor about you and Zed.”

“I don’t live there anymore. It’s okay,” Tessa says, trying to convince me. But I know how much a rumor like this will hurt her feelings, whether she admits it or not.

“I don’t want to leave it alone,” I confess.

“I don’t want you getting in any trouble over them.”

“Fine,” I say, and then we exchange our good nights. She’s not going to agree to my ideas on how to stop Steph, so I’ll just drop it. I unlock the door to my apartment and walk in to find Richard sprawled out asleep on the couch. Jerry Springer’s voice fills the entire apartment. I turn the television off and go straight to my bedroom.