Текст книги "Chelsea "

Автор книги: Addison Jane

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Текущая страница: 11 (всего у книги 19 страниц)

I realized just how lucky I was to have a friend like Rose. Her apartment was two bedrooms and she invited me to stay for as long as I needed. It would make things a lot easier since I wasn’t expecting any more money from the club, and I needed to quickly find a job so I could pay for what was left of my classes at college. I’d had a little put away, but it wouldn’t take me long to go through that.

Luckily Rose already had a spare bed in the other room, so that was one less thing I was going to have to think about.

I looked up as the door to my new room pushed open. I had yet to go to sleep and it was now 9:00 a.m. I just couldn’t turn my brain off. My eyes ached, my head pounded and my heart hurt. There was no more dramatic way to describe how I was feeling. It was just that simple.

My heart hurt.

Rose popped into the room, a soft smile on her face. “Don’t suppose you’re going to come to class today?” She had her backpack thrown over one shoulder and was dressed in a casual pair of jeans and a navy blue T-shirt. I tried to smile back at her, but I’m sure it looked more like a grimace.

“I think I’ll pass today. I went to the bathroom just before and looked in the mirror. I look like I’ve been two rounds with Muhammad Ali,” I told her, gesturing to my swollen puffy eyes.

Her smile stayed, but slowly turned into not one of encouragement, but to one of pity. “You look beautiful, Chelsea,” she told me softly.

I huffed out a quiet laugh. “Thanks, Rose. It’s okay. I’ll catch up with you later. I doubt I’ll be leaving the building today.”

She nodded. “I’ll let the biker-bum-boy out the front know.” She winked before turning and strutting out the door.

I had to laugh. Rose was unpredictable. One moment she was sweet and soft and you’d think maybe she had been broken before, it was something I still wondered about. But then she throws out that sass and it’s like she’s a whole different person.

So Optimus still had a man on me.

I tried not to read too much into it.

I know he wanted me safe and it was a prospect’s job to do all the dirty duties. It was no skin off Op’s nose to have one man out all day babysitting. Optimus never denied his feelings for me. In fact, he’d straight up admitted them last night. He said he couldn’t breathe when I wasn’t near.

Good, I hope he suffocates.

The thought made me smile. I was all out of tears. The dam had run dry, but it didn’t mean that there weren’t still thousands of thoughts and memories swirling around my brain. I decided to attempt to get up and do some study. I couldn’t let this feeling consume me because I knew if I let it take me over, I’d end up crawling right back to him, and this whole me being strong shit and walking away would’ve been for nothing.

I couldn’t let the pain I was feeling be for nothing.

I threw the blankets off me and went in search of my backpack that had my laptop and school books in it, finding it sitting next to the front door. There was a small window next to the door, I pulled on the curtain subtly and took a peek outside. A bike was parked at the curb outside and a club member sitting at the bottom of our staircase, cigarette hanging from his fingers. As I thought, there was only a prospect patch across the back of his cut, they didn’t get their full patch until they were voted in as a full member.

I couldn’t tell who it was, as they had a hood pulled up over their head and I knew both Ham and Neil smoked. I sighed and let the curtain fall back into place. I knew the ins and outs of the club like I’d been born into the life. Sometimes I’d wonder whether everything in life had its purpose. Were we actually in control of our destinies, or was that something that was controlled by fate?

I loved my parents and I missed them every single fucking day, but what if they had never died? What if I’d never found the club?

I know I felt as though the club filled the void that I’d missed by not having a stable family while I was growing up, but what if it was more than that? What if the club was where I was meant to be? What if fate had wanted me to find the brothers?

I shook my head.

Fate must be a cruel bitch if she put me through all the shit in my life, killing my mom and dad, throwing me into homes where I had ‘parents’ that only cared about the paycheck I bought them every week, only to lead me here where she knew I was going to have my heart broken.

I felt ill.

I never meant to come here and fall in love. It was the last thing on my mind the night I walked into the Brothers by Blood clubhouse. I was looking for hot men and sex. Plenty of no strings attached, don’t care if I never see you again sex. What I ended up with was a home, a best friend, a man who stole my heart and a clubhouse full of guys who would lay their lives on the line for mine.

My back hit the door as I struggled against the emotions, fighting them, trying so hard not to let them consume me. I slid to the floor with a thump, a jolt of pain shooting up my spine.

It was suddenly hitting me.

Walking away had caused me to lose more than just the man I loved – I’d walked away from a family I never thought I would have again. Once again, I felt like I’d lost everything and that tunnel of darkness was slowly creeping up on me, threatening to pull me inside.

This is why I’d spent my life running.

If I didn’t get attached, then nothing could hurt me.

I ran because I was afraid.

I was scared of being happy—finally being happy—and then having it all ripped away from me all over again.

Run, don’t stop running.

The voice echoed in my head like it had many times before. My hands pulled at my hair in frustration. I should have run. I shouldn’t have stayed. I should have run. I should have listened.

I’d let Optimus in. I’d let him and the club allow me to feel safe and content. I’d fought the urge to run because I’d found a place where I could feel okay again. I’d found people who took me for me, who supported me, loved me with no expectations or agenda.

Just like a normal family would.

I’d found what I knew was my place in the world.

And now what? Now, I’d just thrown it all away because I couldn’t keep my feelings in any longer. I grabbed the item nearest to me, a pair of high heels that lay next to the door, and threw them across the room. They hit a lamp next to the sofa and it crashed to the ground.

I scrambled to my feet, my body needed some kind of release. I needed to let everything out and I was done crying. I was done feeling weak, sitting here, waiting for him to admit how he felt.

It wasn’t his fault.

It was mine.

I should have run.

I tossed my backpack across the room, the contents spilling out as it hit the floor. The crash of my computer against the hard wooden floor feeling almost satisfying. I slammed my hand against the wall and screamed, the low vibrations enough to cause my throat to hurt. It felt like sandpaper, but it felt good.

“Chelsea?” There was a banging at the door, but I ignored it, continuing to attack anything I could find.

I’d lost it.

I was breaking.

I tried to scream again, but instead it came out as a sob as I took hold of one of the dining table chairs and threw it to the ground. There was a loud bang and I jumped like I’d been shocked with a cattle prod. Boots pounded against the floor and Ham came into view looking around frantically for the source of all the noise.

“Fuck, Chel. I thought someone was in here beating the shit out of you,” he said finally as his eyes scanned my body checking for any signs that I was hurt.

I gripped the kitchen table with both hands. My legs were threatening to give way, every part of my body was telling me to give up. Everything was hitting me at once and it was almost too much. I stared at Ham, unable to even speak. I placed a hand over my mouth, trying to force down the tears that I thought were done.

Ham eyed me carefully, taking a few small steps toward me. “Hey, it’s okay.”

I took a deep breath and that’s when I felt it.

My heart broke.

I could feel it in my chest, shattering into pieces.

Some might say it was impossible. But I knew.

Ham’s hands flew out and caught me just as my body crashed. He pulled me into his chest and cradled me like a baby, rocking me back and forth and making soothing noises. “Chel, it’s okay. I’ve got you.”

I gave in. I let him comfort me even as every other part of me protested, my mind screaming at me to run.

But I was tired.

I didn’t want to run anymore.

I wanted to be happy.

I could have been happy.

But now, I was just broken.

I managed to hide any damage I had created in the house from Rose. She wasn’t even aware that when she’d walked out that day that I’d had the breakdown of the century.

Ham had talked me down. He was a sweet guy, I even began to wonder why he’d joined the club since he seemed so strait-laced and from such a proper family.

Since that day, my emotions had calmed. Only a little, but they had calmed. I had even made it to class two days this week. Rose practically forced me out the door. But that was what I needed, someone telling me to wake the fuck up and move on with my life.

I sat at the kitchen table, scrolling through an article on the nutritional benefits of certain plants and vegetables. It wasn’t really my thing, more Rose’s, but it was compulsory to learn about during my degree.

I heard the click clack of heels on the wooden floor and looked up just as Rose came to the end of the hall. She looked stunning. Her hair was pulled back in a tight pony, and she had light makeup on, just enough to accentuate her already stunning features. Her dress was simple, black with a shimmer of glitter that hit right at mid-thigh and had thick straps that went over her shoulders.

“Wow, you look fabulous!” I told her, my jaw hanging open. Rose grinned and did a little twirl. I could appreciate the female body just as well as any male, and this girl had it going on. I closed the lid of my computer – it had managed to survive my temper tantrum and started gathering the mess of books and papers I had left strewn across the table. “I’m going to climb into my PJ’s and finish this in bed.”

She held up another dress on a coat hanger. It was a deep purple color with blue accents. “I don’t think they let people into nightclubs wearing pajamas,” she said with a soft, almost unsure smile. I stared at her confused. “I figure our night, the other night, got cut short. We really didn’t get to have much fun. Keen to have another try?” She shifted from leg to leg, I could tell she was nervous and unsure of what my answer would be.

I smirked. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I thought you were a girl who liked to have fun. Must have been another Chelsea that I had here last Friday.” She turned to walk away and I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Well…” She stopped but didn’t turn around. “I could go for a drink or ten right about now.”

She turned and tossed the dress at me. “I’ll call us a cab, you’ve got fifteen minutes.”

The base of the music racked my body, thumping through my chest and head. My brain protested, the amount of crying and moping I’d done in the last couple days had left it foggy and full. But I powered through. Rose was right, I needed to do something to take my mind off Optimus or I would still be sitting in her apartment, wondering what he was doing and whether I should go back.

Rose pulled at my hand, dragging me toward the bar and pushing me into a free stool. Her eyes were scanning the club, even as she ordered us drinks from the preppy looking blonde girl who was tending the bar.

“Who are you looking for?” I asked, moving my mouth close to her ear so she could hear me over the music.

She laughed. “No one. Just checking to make sure there are no big scary bikers following us, about to drag you away again.”

I didn’t mention that I’d already tagged Ham as soon as he walked through the doors before he disappeared into the crowd. Ham had become a permanent fixture. I knew Op had someone on me constantly, more often than not it was Ham. I felt bad for him, having to watch me night and day. But he didn’t seem to mind. We’d fallen into a comfortable routine.

I shook my head. “Nah, I left remember?”

Rose was nervous around the brothers, Blizzard in particular. I wasn’t sure why. I know sometimes they caught a bad rep, but they would never hurt her. We sat and drank our drinks for a while, the alcohol soothing my body but only a little. My mind was still running wild. Rose seemed to be enjoying herself, I wasn’t sure how much she’d had to drink as she seemed to be talking a lot more than normal, and really about nothing. I smiled and nodded, wondering whether this night out was really for me or if she had just needed an excuse to get out. Either way, I wasn’t bothered. Rose had been a great friend to me since Harmony had left for Troy, and I was willing to do whatever I could to take some of the stress that I knew she held on her shoulders.

“Can I buy you a drink?”

I turned my head to see a good looking guy standing beside me. He was dressed well, dress shirt, expensive looking jeans, and his smile was wide, but it was the predatory look in his eyes that I didn’t like.

I lifted my still half full glass. “I’m okay for now, thanks,” I told him politely.

I heard Rose giggle and turned to see another man who looked much the same standing next to her, licking his lips like he’d found his next meal. It didn’t take much to guess that these guys were here together and had picked us out of the crowd.

“Come on babe, just a drink? We could go find a seat and have a chat if you’d like?” I turned my attention back to the man at my side who was still smiling at me despite the fact his body was tight and rigid.

“I’m fine. But thanks,” I said my voice a little sterner this time. One thing I wasn’t was a pushover. I hadn’t got to where I was today by letting anyone, especially men, force me to do things that I didn’t want to.

I reached over and touched Rose’s hand, pulling her attention away from the creep that was basically on top of her, he was standing so close.

“Do you wanna go somewhere else?” I asked, fully aware that the man at my side had not moved an inch, even at my decline to want his company.

Her eyes flicked to him before they came back to me. “Grant invited us to go to a party with them,” she said gesturing over her shoulder, “we should go!”

The creep eyed me with an intensity that made my stomach sink.

“I really don’t think that’s a good idea,” I said, trying to use my eyes to portray to her that we needed to get away from these guys and fast.

“Come on, Chel. Please?” she said gripping my hand in hers.

How much had she had to drink?

There was no way I was going anywhere with these two. I knew to trust my gut when something didn’t feel right. But no way in hell was I going to let her go with them alone.

I decided to try a different tact.

Smiling, hoping it looked genuine and not like a grimace. “I came to have some fun remember, get my mind off that stupid alpha male. How about we have a dance first, let our hair down and then if these lovely gentlemen are happy to wait, we can go party with them?”

“You don’t dance,” she said with a raised eyebrow.

I cringed but forced myself to shrug like it was no big deal. “My life just took an epic turn. Maybe that’s a sign I need to start doing things differently.”

She beamed at me. “Is that okay?” she asked, turning to creepy McWeirdo.

He looked over at his friend, whom I had completely blocked out by giving him my back before he nodded. “Yeah, we can wait.”

I immediately jumped off the barstool, yanking Rose with me as I headed for the dance floor. Rose stumbled a little but managed to keep up on her sky-high heels. Her body started moving to the music even as I plowed my way through people to get to the middle of the dance floor, attempting to put as much distance between us and them as possible.

I wasn’t afraid to stand up for myself, I could throw a punch just as well as any guy. The need to prove that had arisen more than a few times growing up. But I also knew when I was outnumbered and needed to get out of a situation before things turned to shit. There was an aura coming off those two men that I didn’t like, and I wasn’t about to sit around and find out if my instincts were correct.

The nightclub was busy and I managed to hide us in the crowd. Rose moved her body, closing her eyes and swaying as she sang along to the pop music that the DJ was blaring. I bopped as I stood beside her, not even attempting to dance really, but instead searching the room for Ham. We hung out there for a few songs, every so often I would yell that I was having a great time and she would grin and nod. I cursed not bringing my cell phone with me or I would have just text messaged Ham to meet us somewhere. Even as a prospect, Ham was tall and broad and with a Brothers by Blood cut on his shoulders, people instantly stepped away.

“Damn it,” I muttered as another sweep of the club found not Ham but the two men I was trying to avoid, pushing their way through people and heading straight for us. Obviously they were done waiting.

I felt a body come up behind me. I was ready to turn around, punch whoever it was, grab Rose and run until a voice I recognized cooed into my ear, “Fancy seeing you here.”

“Deacon,” I exclaimed, a sense of relief flooding me as I spun and took him in.

Rose stood just to the side, her eyebrows creasing together in the middle as she stared at him. I gripped his T-shirt and pulled him closer, not missing the look of surprise in his face as I plastered my body to his and tiptoed up so my mouth was next to his ear. “There’s some guys coming over that want us to go to a party with them. They give me the creeps, but Rose is really drunk and wants to go. Help!”

I felt his arm wrap around my waist, holding me snug against him and I couldn’t say that I hated it. With my heart and my head running one hundred miles an hour, I appreciated the comforting feeling of protection.

“Let’s go,” I heard the deep voice thunder from behind me. I turned, but Deacon held me firmly against him, his head resting on my shoulder.

“Sorry guys. Seems like the girls have had a change of heart,” Deacon called, stepping backward and pulling me with him.

Lead creep shot an angry glare at Rose, who was standing there looking a little shocked, her eyes racing back and forth between us.

He clenched his fists and bared his teeth. “We found them first. They’re coming with us.”

Deacon laughed softly. “Ain’t about who found them first. It’s about who they want. And Chelsea here was just telling me how much she wanted me, right babe?”

I felt his lips on my neck and my body instantly tingled. It felt strange but good at the same time. I nodded and murmured a yes, even though I knew they couldn’t hear me over the music.

Rose looked torn and as Deacon began to back me further away, I grasped her hand and pulled her with me. Deacon wasn’t an intimidating looking guy, so I was surprised they simply let us walk. That was until we were surrounded by three large men who helped him usher us to the front of the club and out the doors.

The brisk air hit me hard, it wasn’t cold but being in the middle of those bodies dancing had made me sweat. Rose crossed her arms across her chest, clearly upset by the change in events. We walked down the pavement a little, away from the crowd before finally coming to a stop. Deacon’s arm never left my waist, even as his friends lounged against the building, two of them lighting up cigarettes.

“What the hell, Chelsea!” Rose finally growled, throwing her arms in the air.

“There was no way in fucking hell we were going anywhere with those guys, Rose. They were dangerous, I could feel it,” I snapped.

Her temper seemed to calm a little. “He was hot! We could’ve just hung out with them, seen where things went.”

“Where I come from, where things go with guys like that is a place I’ve visited, and let me tell you it’s not fucking nice.” I was getting angry—I’d been around men like that before. At first I’d loved the attention and brushed off the bad feelings, but I soon learned to follow my instincts and they were always right.

Her face fell. “I just thought it would be nice you know, meet some new people. I thought that was what you wanted now you’d left the club?”

Deacon’s arm tightened around me, him and his friends had stayed silent, letting us hash our crap out until now. “You left the club?”

“Yeah,” I muttered, thankful he was still at my back so I didn’t have to look at him.

Rose looked like she was completely drained, her shoulders sagging as she scuffed at the concrete. So much for night out round two. This night was almost worse than round one.

“You girls want a ride home?” Deacon asked, his chin resting on my shoulder.

“Yeah,” I murmured.

I felt as though I should be pushing him away, I didn’t know why I wasn’t. Maybe after Optimus’ rejection I just needed some sort of comfort. Whatever it was, it felt nice to have him there.