Текст книги "Never Too Far"

Автор книги: Abbi Glines

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Текущая страница: 8 (всего у книги 11 страниц)

I grabbed his head and began pleading with him for more as he brought me to not one but two orgasms before he lifted his head and smiled wickedly at me. “That’s fucking addictive. No one should taste that sweet, Blaire. Not even you.”

He stood up and jerked off his shirt and pants.He was back on top of me before I could admire the view for very long.

“I want you to ride me,” he said, kissing me again while his erection slipped between my legs and teased me.

I pushed him back and he easily rolled over for me so I could climb on top. Watching him as he slowly took in my body was more of a turn on than the naughty words he always whispered in my ears to make me come.

I could love this man and be happy with him the rest of my life. I just hoped I got the chance.

The next few days went by like a fairy tale. I went to work. Rush showed up and distracted me with his gorgeous presence; we ended up somewhere we shouldn’t be having wild sex before actually going back to my condo or his house and making love in a bed. The second time was always sweet. The first time was always intense and needy on both our parts. I was pretty sure Woods had overheard us the day we’d ended up in the rental closet tearing at each other’s clothes.

I was still trying to decide if this was the pregnancy hormones or if I was always going to want Rush like this. One touch from him and I was desperate. Today however we would be on a break. I was working all day at the annual golf tournament. I’d had to fight both Woods and Rush to let me work today. Neither of them had thought it was safe. I, of course, won.

Our cart girl outfits were special ordered for today. We would be wearing all white like the golfers.Our shorts were replaced with skirts to match ourpolos. Except, of course, for Jimmy. He’d be in shorts. He was the only male on the drink carts today. Apparently, he’d also been special ordered.

“There are fifteen teams. Blaire you get the first threeteams. Then Bethy you have the next three. Carmen you get the next three. Natalie you get the next three and Jimmy you get the last three. They’re all women who have requested you specifically. This will be an all day event. Keep the golfers happy and don’t run low on drinks. Come back here to restock before you run out of something. Your carts have been pre‑stocked with the drinks of choice for the golfers you will be trailing today. You each have a walkie‑talkie in your cart to contact me in case of any emergency. Does anyone have any questions?” Darla stood on the porch of the course offices with her hands on her hips staring down at the five of us.

“Good. Now get to your places. Blaire will be busy right off the bat. The rest of you need to wait on and check on your teams while they’re waiting to tee off. If they want a drink get them one. If they want food, get them a server. Got it?”

We all nodded. Darla waved us off and went back into the offices.

“I hate tournaments. I just hope I don’t have to deal with Nathan Ford. He is so damn annoying,” Bethy grumbled as we went to get our carts and make sure we had everything before heading to the first hole.

“Maybe you’ll get Jace,” I said, hoping to cheer her up.

Bethy frowned. “Nope. Not a chance. Aunt Darla did the line up. She won’t have given me Jace.”

Ah. Well, in that case I wouldn’t have Rush either. Probably a good thing. I needed to focus on work. Not how good Rush looked in a pair of shorts and a polo.

I parked the cart at the first hole and went to meet my first group. It was familiar faces and they were an older group. They would be easy enough and they were excellent tippers. After getting them all a bottle of water I went to my next group. Surprisingly it was Jace, Thad and Woods. I hadn’t expected to have them in my group. “Hello boys. Aren’t I the lucky one?” I teased.

“I was sure we’d get Bethy. Dayum, my day is just now getting better,” Thad replied.

“Shut up,” Jace grumbled and elbowed him in the side.

“I’m not stupid enough to let Bethy have Jace. She’d ignore everyone else,” Woods explained.

I gave all three of them a bottle of water. “I’m happy to serve the three of you. Even if I’m not Bethy,” I said, smiling at Jace.

“If I can’t have Bethy you are definitely my runner‑up,” Jace said with a crooked grin. I couldn’t help but like the guy. He’d more than proved himself with his feelings for Bethy.

“Good. Now, y’all make me proud,” I cheered as I headed to the next group. This was my first female group. I recognized them but I wasn’t sure exactly who they were. I thought the tall elegant blondemight be the Mayor’s wife.

After I got them their sparkling waters and slices of lime I headed back to the front. It was almost time to start. I glanced back and looked for Rush but didn’t see him. I wasn’t sure whose team he was on but I knew he was playing. I assumed Grant would be with him but I didn’t see him either.

Rush

I was going to murder Grant in his sleep. Or maybe right here in public with witnesses. I slammed my clubs down and the caddie quickly grabbed them which was a good thing. I was getting ready to throw something.

“Meg? Really Grant? You asked Meg?” I growled, looking past Grant to see Meg checking in and pointing our way.

“We needed three. You pissed off Nan so we were short a person. Everyone else was taken. Meg wanted to play. What’s the big deal?” Grant handed his bag to the caddie and shot me an annoyed look.

Blaire was the big deal. I hadn’t told her that Meg would be on my team because I hadn’t known. Now if she saw us she’d think I was trying to keep it from her. I needed to find her.

“Can I get you three a water?” a redheaded cart girl whose name I couldn’t remember asked. Figured Woods wouldn’t let me have Blaire. That would have helped. I could have explained this to her and she’d been able to see it was completely innocent.

“Yes, please, Carmen,” Grant replied. He was flashing her a grin and she was batting her eyelashes. He’d probably slept with this one. If not, he would be tonight. “Give one to grumpy pants too. He needs to hydrate himself,” Grant joked.

“Ready to kick some ass?” Meg asked, walking up to us.

No, I was ready to find Blaire and explain this. I looked back over at the cart girl. “Where in the lineup is Blaire?” I asked her.

She made a pouty face. “I’m not good enough?”

“Yes, sugar, you’re perfect. He just has the hots for Blaire. Nothing personal,” Grant explained, winking at her. She beamed at him again.

“She got the first group. I think Mr. Kerrington is in that group. The young Mr. Kerrington. Mrs. Darla said something about Mr. Kerrington requesting Blaire,” the girl replied with a satisfied smile.

Woods was a dick. I didn’t doubt it.

“Good morning, Meg. Sorry but we have a bad mood Rush on our hands,” Grant said in way of greeting to Meg who I’d forgotten had joined us.

“I can see that. I’m going to go out on a limb here and assume that Blaire is the girl he chased after leaving me all alone without an explanation the other day.”

“If he chased after a girl then yes, it was Blaire,” Grant replied.

I ignored both of them and started to walk toward the front of the line when I saw the first group tee off. Blaire’s cart also pulled away at the same time. Shit.

“Would you calm down? Blaire isn’t the one to get jealous. That’s you,” Grant grumbled then took a swig of his water.

“Okay, is it a problem that I’m playing with the two of you? Is that what this is about?” Meg asked, staring directly at me.

“I don’t want Blaire upset,” I replied and looked back out in the direction she’d driven.

“Oh. Well, this is just golf; not a date,” Meg replied.

She was right. I was being ridiculous. We weren’t in high school and I could play golf with a female. Blaire now knew that Meg was an old friend and we were with Grant. It wasn’t like it was just the two of us. This would be okay.

“I’m on edge. Sorry. You’re right. This isn’t a big deal,” I agreed and decided to relax and enjoy the day. At least Blaire was in the front. She’d be done and inside sooner. That was probably why Woods had requested her. So she wouldn’t be out in the sun as long as the others.

By the time we’d made it to the sixth hole I had relaxed and was enjoying myself. Except for the occasional worry about Blaire being in the heat I was fine. I knew Woods was watching her and as annoying as that was it was also a relief.

“Come on Grant, so far Rush has the best out of three and I have the best out of two. This one is yours buddy. You can do it,” Meg taunted him as he set up to put for par.

Grant shot her a warning glare. Putting wasn’t Grant’s strong point and it hadn’t taken Meg long to figure that out. If he sunk this one it’d be a miracle.

“I think he needs a little help, Meg. Maybe you could go give him a lesson,” I suggested.

The angry look on Grant’s face made both of us crack up. Damn he was too easy. “You might wanna back up, Meg. He looks ready to blow. If his putter goes flying you don’t want to be in the line of fire.”

Meg backed up and stood by me. “Does he really throw clubs?” she asked with a hopeful smile.

“Don’t get too excited. If he’s pissed enough to throw clubs then he is pretty damn mad.”

“I’m not scared. You have the bigger arms,” Meg said throwing another grin toward Grant. She was goading him.

“He does nothave bigger arms!” Grant barked, straighteningup from his putting stance with a defensive look on his face.

Meg reached over and squeezed my arm. “Um, yeah these are pretty damn impressive. Show me what you got,” she teased Grant some more.

Grant jerked his shirt off and walked over to stand in front of Meg flexing his muscles. “Feel that, baby. He ain’t got nothing on me. He’s just a pretty boy.”

Rolling my eyes I started to walk back to the golf cart. Grant reached out and grabbed my arm. “No you don’t. This is a contest I’m gonna fucking win. Flex those puny arms. Let her see who is packing more heat.”

I had no desire to win this contest. “You won. I’m good with it. He has bigger arms, Meg,” I said, jerking my arms free of his grip.

“No, he doesn’t. You weren’t flexing when I felt yours and I’m positive yours were bigger,” she replied with a wicked grin. I was positive this was a bad idea. I didn’t think she was flirting but I wasn’t sure.

“That’s bullshit! Flex your arm, Rush. I’m proving this one. I got the better guns.”

“Yes, you do. It’s cool,” I replied.

“Flex them now, I mean it,” Grant demanded. He was really in a pissing contest here. One I was gladly willing to let him win. I was just ready to move on to the next hole.

“Fine,” I agreed. “If this will make you go putt that ball so we can move on to the next hole I’ll flex my arm.”

Grant grinned and held his arm out again for her to feel. She was waiting on me. I flexed and let her feel. This was ridiculous.

“Sorry Grant, he wins this,” Meg replied squeezing my arms just a little too long. I dropped my arm and headed back to the cart.

“Putt the ball, Grant,” I called out.

“You didn’t win this! She just picked you because she feels loyal to you since she was your first fuck,” he replied.

I jerked my head around to see if anyone had heard him. Thankfully, it looked like no one had.

Blaire

I sat there as they got on their cart and drove to the next hole. I was supposed to be getting more drinks. My desire to see Rush had gotten the best of me and I’d taken a small detour until I found him. Now, I wish I hadn’t. For the first time this week I was sick at my stomach again. He hadn’t told me Meg was his first. He’d just said they were old friends.

Knowing what kind of old friends they were didn’t help. I was well aware that Rush had a string of girls that he’d slept with. It was something I knew when I’d gone to his bed the first time. But seeing him with the one. The one that had been his first was painful.

She’d been flirting with him and he’d been flirting back. Trying to impress her with his muscles. They were impressive enough without him flexing them and showing off. Why had he done that? Did he want her to be attracted to him? Was he curious about what she was like in bed now?

My stomach rolled and I forced my cart into drive and pulled away from the trees I’d been hiding behind. I hadn’t meant to hide. I’d taken a short cut to see if Rush was at this hole. But when I’d seen him smiling at Meg and then letting her touch him I’d stopped. I couldn’t go any further.

She was a part of his world. She fit into his world. Instead of driving a drink cart around she was playing golf with him. He couldn’t have asked me. For starters I had no idea how to play and then, of course, I worked here. I couldn’t play. What was he doing with me? His sister hated me. I couldn’t be a part of his life. Not really. I would always be on the outside looking in. I hated the way this felt.

Being with him was amazing. In the privacy of his house or my condo it was easy to pretend we could be something more. But what happens when I’m showing? When I’m very pregnant and he is with me? People will know. How will he handle it? Can I expect him to?

I loaded the cart back up and let my mind play over all the scenarios that could happen with us. None of them ended happily. I wasn’t one of the elite. I was just me. This past week I’d let myself play with the idea of staying. Raising this baby with Rush. As much as seeing him with Meg had hurt it had been the wakeup call I needed. No one lived in a fairy tale. Especially me.

By the time I got back my group had made it to the last stretch. I smiled and served drinks and even joked with the golfers. No one was going to know I was upset. This was my job. I was going to be good at it.

I wouldn’t say anything to Rush tonight. There was no point. He wasn’t thinking clearly. I would just put some distance between us. I couldn’t let myself believe he was my happily ever after. I was smarter than that.

I hadn’t been able to make it through the day without getting sick. The heat had gotten to me but I would be damned if Woods knew about it. I didn’t need him thinking I couldn’t do my job. Bethy held my hair back while I threw up in the toilet in the back of the offices. I really did love her.

“You over did it,” she scolded as I lifted my head up from my last heave.

I didn’t want to admit it but she was probably right. I took the wet washcloth she was handing me and cleaned my face before sitting down on the floor and leaning back against the wall.

“I know. But don’t tell anyone,” I requested.

Bethy sat down beside me. “Why?”

“Because I need this job. The money is good. If I’m leaving once I start showing then I need all the money I can save up. It won’t be easy getting a job while I’m obviously pregnant.”

Bethy turned her head and looked at me. “You’re still planning on leaving? What about Rush?”

I didn’t want Bethy mad at him. She’d just started being nice to him again. “I saw him today. He was having fun. He fit in. He’s where he belongs. I’m where I belong. I don’t fit in with his world.”

“He doesn’t get a say in this? If you just said the word he’d have you moved into his house and he would be taking care of everything. You wouldn’t be working at this club and you would be at his side everywhere. You’ve got to know that.”

I didn’t like the idea of being one more woman who mooched off him. His mother and sister did that. I didn’t want to do it too. I didn’t care about his money. I just cared about him. “I’m not his responsibility.”

“Excuse me if I beg to differ. When he knocked you up you became his ultimate responsibility,” Bethy said in a huff.

I knew the truth about the night we’d had sex without a condom. I’d come onto him. I had all but attacked him. It hadn’t been his fault. All the other times he was careful. I hadn’t let him be that night. It was my mistake not his.

“Trust me when I tell you that this was all on me. You weren’t there the night I got pregnant. I was.”

“Can’t be all your fault. You can’t get pregnant alone.”

I wasn’t going to argue with her. “Just don’t tell anyone I was sick. I don’t want them worrying.”

“Fine. I’m not happy about it though. You do this again and I’m telling,” she warned.

I laid my head over on her shoulder. “Deal,” I agreed.

Bethy patted my head. “You are one crazy girl.”

I just laughed because she was right.

Rush

As soon as the tournament was over, I went home to shower and clean up. I didn’t even hang around to get the second place trophy. I left Grant and Meg to do the honors. I couldn’t care less. I only participated in the tournament because I’d signed up with Nan and Grant early in the summer. We did it every year. It was for a good cause.

When I’d stopped by the offices where the drink carts were parked Darla said Blaire had left with Bethy about an hour ago. I called Bethy but got no answer. I figured by the time I got a shower and changed they would be back from wherever it was they went.

Bethy’s car was in the parking lot when I pulled up to their condo. Blaire was home. Thank God. I’d missed her like crazy all day. I knocked three times and waited impatiently for it to open. Bethy gave me a tight smile. Not who I wanted to see.

“Hey,” I said, stepping in.

“She’s already asleep. It was a long day,” Bethy said, still standing at the door holding it open like she wanted me to leave now.

“Is she okay?” I asked,looking down the hall to her closed bedroom door.

“Just tired. Let her sleep,” Bethy replied.

I wasn’t leaving. She could close the damn door. “I won’t wake her up but I’m not leaving. So you can close the door,” I told her before heading back to Blaire’s room.

It was only six in the evening. She shouldn’t be asleep so early unless she was sick. The idea of her overdoing it today made my heart race. I should have insisted she not work today. This wasn’t safe for her or the baby.

I opened the door slowly and stepped inside. Then I closed and locked it behind me. Blaire was curled up in the center of her big bed. She looked lost up there. Her long blond hair fanned out over the pillows and one of her long bare legs was kicked out of the covers. I pulled my shirt off then threw it over on the dresser before unzipping my jeans and pulling them off. When I was down to my boxer briefs I pulled the covers back and climbed in behind her.Idrew her up against me; she came willingly. A soft sigh and some mumbled greeting was the most adorable sound I’d ever heard. Smiling, I buried my face in her hair and closed my eyes.

This was the only place I ever wanted to be. I slid my hand down and laid it flat over her stomach. The idea of what I was holding right now was humbling.

A soft trail down my arm and then across my chest brought a smile to my face as I opened my eyes. Blaire was turned around facing me now. Her eyes were open as she stared at my chest and ran her finger over each of my pecs then back up and across my shoulder. She lifted her eyes and a small smile played on her lips.

“Hey,” I whispered.

“Hey.”

It was dark outside now but I had no idea how late it was. “I missed you today.”

Her smile slipped and she shifted her gaze away from me. That was an odd reaction. “I missed you too,” she replied, not looking at me.

I reached up and took her chin so I could turn her gaze back toward me. “What’s wrong?”

She forced a smile. “Nothing.”

She was lying. Something was definitely wrong. “Blaire, tell me the truth. You look upset. Something is wrong.”

She started to pull away from me but I held her close. “Tell me, please.” I begged.

The tension in her body eased some when I said please. I needed to remember that she was weak where that word was concerned.

“I saw you today. You were having fun…” she trailed off.

Was that the problem? Oh… wait. She saw Meg. “This is about Meg. I’m sorry; I didn’t know until she got there that Grant had asked her to replace Nan. My sister backed out at the last minute and Grant asked Meg to take her spot. I would have told you before if I’d known.”

The tension in her body was back. Shit. I thought that explained it. Was she that upset over it?

“She was your first.” Blaire’s voice was so soft I almost missed it.

Someone had told her. Fuck. Who knew that other than Grant? It wasn’t like I shared my sexual history with people. Who could have told her? I cupped her face in my hands. “And you’re my last.”

Her eyes softened. I was getting good at this sweet talking thing. I hadn’t much cared about saying the right thing with females before. It was easy with Blaire. I was just being honest.

“I…” She stopped and wiggled in my arms. “I need to go to the restroom,” she said. I was positive that wasn’t what she was going to say at first but I let her get up.

She was wearing a yellow tank top and pair of pink panties that I knew girls referred to as boy shorts. Even though no guy I knew would wear something like that. Her hips looked fuller and the idea of bending her over the bed and holding those hips made me hard as a rock. I needed to focus. She was upset about something and she wasn’t telling me what it was. I had to fix this. I didn’t want her upset.

My phone rang and I reached over to get it off the nightstand. It was Nan. Not who I wanted to talk to at the moment. I pressed ignore. After turning off the ringer, I checked the time. It was only ten after nine.

Blaire stepped back out of the bathroom and grinned sheepishly. “I’m kinda hungry.”

“Then let’s go feed you,” I said getting up and reaching for my jeans.

“I need to go to the grocery. I was going to go earlier but I was sleepy so I thought I’d take a nap first.”

“I’ll take you to dinner then we’ll go grocery shopping in the morning. There are no grocery stores open this late around here.”

Blaire look confused. “There aren’t any restaurants in town open either.”

“The club is open until eleven. You know that.” I yanked my shirt down over my head then walked over to her. She was studying me like she didn’t understand.

“What?” I asked grabbing her waist and pulling her almost naked body up against me.

“People will see you with me at the club. People other than your friends,” she said slowly as if letting it sink in.

“And?” I asked.

She tilted her head back so she could look up at me. “And I work there. They know I work there.”

I still didn’t understand what she was saying. “I’m not following you.”

Blaire let out an exasperated sigh. “Do you not care that other club members will see you eating dinner with an employee?”

I froze. What? “Blaire,” I said slowly, making sure I’d heard her correctly. “Did you just ask me if I cared if someone saw me eating with you? Please tell me I misunderstood that.”

She shrugged.

I dropped my hands from her waist and walked over to the door. She had to be kidding me. When had I ever led her to believe that I was ashamed of her?

I looked back at her. She had crossed her arms over her chest as she watched me.

“When have I ever made you think I didn’t want to be seen with you? Because if I have then I swear to you I’ll go fix it.”

She shrugged again. “I don’t know. We’ve just never really gone out on a date. I mean there was the honky‑tonk that time but it wasn’t really a date. Your social functions normally don’t include me.”

My chest constricted. She was right. I’d never taken her anywhere other than to buy furniture and a ride to Sumit and back. Fuck. I was an idiot. “You’re right. I suck. I’ve never taken you anywhere special,” I whispered then shook my head. I had never really had a relationship before. I fucked girls and then I sent them home.

“So all this time you thought I was ashamed of you?” I asked, knowing I didn’t want to hear the answer. It was going to hurt like a motherfucker.

“Not ashamed exactly. I just… I just thought well, I don’t fit into your world. I know that. Just because I’m pregnant with our baby doesn’t mean you have to claim me in any way. You’re just being supportive–”

“Blaire. Please. Stop now. I can’t listen to any more.” I closed the distance I’d put between us. “You’re my world. I want everyone to know. I don’t know how to date so I never even thought of taking you on a date. But I can promise you right now; I will be taking you on so many damn dates that there won’t be a person in this town that doesn’t know I worship the ground you walk on,” I swore before reaching out and taking her hand. “Forgive me for being an idiot.”

Blaire blinked back tears and nodded. I wondered how many more times I was going to screw up before I ever got this right.

Blaire

The cell phone Rush had bought for me was sitting on the kitchen bar when I walked out of my room. This was the third time this week he’d left it somewhere for me to find. This time it had a note attached.

I picked it up.

Think about the baby. You need this for emergencies.

That was a low blow. Smiling I picked the phone up and put it in my pocket. He wasn’t going to give up until I accepted it. Today was my second doctor’s appointment. I’d told Rush about it on our third date Monday night. He’d been very determined to take me on dates all week. Last night I’d begged him to just stay in and watch a movie. He had made his point. Everyone in town had seen us together. I was sure they were all sick of seeing us together by now. The thought made me smile even bigger.

I slipped the phone back out of my pocket. I had forgotten to remind Rush about today’s appointment last night. Now I had a phone so I could call him. His name was the first one on my contacts list under favorites. I wasn’t surprised.

It rang three times before he answered.

“Hey, I need to call you back,” Rush’s voice said in an annoyed tone.

“Okay but…” I started to say when he muffled the phone to talk to someone else. What was going on?

“Are you okay?” he snapped.

“Yeah, I’m fine but–”

“Then I gotta call you back,” he interrupted me before I could finish then he ended the call.

I sat there and stared at the phone. What had just happened? Maybe I should have asked if he was okay. When he didn’t call back in the next ten minutes I decided I’d better get dressed for my appointment. Surely he would call back before it was time to leave.

An hour later and he still hadn’t called back. I debated on calling him or not. Maybe he had forgotten that I’d called. I could always borrow Bethy’s car and go to my appointment. On Monday when I’d told him about it he’d seemed excited about going. I couldn’t just leave him.

I pressed his number again. It rang four times this time.

“What?” Nan’s voice startled me. Was he at Nan’s?

“Uh, um…” I wasn’t sure what to say to her. I couldn’t tell her about my appointment. “Is Rush there?” I asked nervously.

Nan let out a hard laugh. “Unbelievable. He told you he’d call you back. Why don’t you give him some breathing room? Rush doesn’t do needy. He’s visiting with his family. My mom and dad are here and we’re getting ready to go have a family lunch. When he is ready to talk to you he will.” Then she hung up.

I sank down onto the bed. He was having a family lunch with his sister, mother and my father. That was why he hung up on me? He didn’t want me to know he was with them. His family lunch came before me and the baby. This was what I’d expected but then he’d been so sweet and protective. Was I being needy? I wasn’t a needy person but I had turned into one. Hadn’t I?

Standing up, I laid the phone down on the bed. I didn’t want it anymore. Nan’s hateful voice as she told me they were eating with her father taunted me. I grabbed my purse. I had time to walk down to the offices and borrow Bethy’s car.

I was sweating by the time I made it to the course offices. So much for looking nice for my appointment. That didn’t matter really. It was the least of my problems. I walked up the steps and Darla met me as she was coming out of the door.

“You don’t work today,” she stated when she saw me.

“I know. I need to borrow Bethy’s car. I have a doctor’s appointment in Destin that I… uh … forgot about.” I hated lying but telling her the truth was just more than I could handle.

Darla studied me a moment then reached into the pocket of her slacks and pulled out her keys. “Take my car. I’ll be here all day. I don’t need it.”

I wanted to hug her but I didn’t. I wasn’t sure she’d be comfortable with that kind of reaction to a simple doctor’s appointment. “Thank you so much. I’ll put gas in it,” I assured her.

She nodded and waved me on. I hurried down the steps and climbed into her Cadillac to head toward Destin.

The drive over wasn’t bad and I only had to wait fifteen minutes before they called me back to the exam room. The nurse was all smiles as she pulled out a machine with a small screen on it.

“You’re only ten weeks along so to hear the baby’s heartbeat we’re gonna need to do an ultrasound. We should hear the heartbeat and see a little bitty baby in there too,” she explained.

I was going to see my baby and hear it’s heartbeat. This was real. The few times I’d imagined this day I hadn’t imaged being alone. I had thought someone would be with me. What if they can’t find a heartbeat? What if something is wrong? I didn’t want to be alone for this.

The doctor walked in with a comforting smile. “You look terrified. This is a happy moment. All your vitals are good. No need to be so nervous,” he assured me. “Now lay back.” I did as he instructed and the nurse put my legs up in the stirrups.

“You aren’t far enough along to do this externally and be able to see or hear the baby. We need to do a transvaginal ultrasound which means we need to go in vaginally. It doesn’t hurt. You’ll feel some pressure from the wand, that’s all,” the nurse explained.

I didn’t watch them. The idea of him sticking a wand up me only made this worse. I focused on the screen.

“Okay, here we go. Easy, be still,” the doctor instructed. I watched the black and white screen, waiting patiently for something that resembled a baby.

A small thumping sound filled the room and it felt like my own heart had stopped beating.

“Is that…?” I asked, suddenly unable to say anything else.

“That’s it alright. Thumping just right too. Nice and strong,” the doctor replied.

I stared at the screen and the nurse pointed to what looked like a little pea. “There he or she is. Perfect size for ten weeks.”